132: Healthy Boundaries For Business Owners - #GrowYourLife

Hello, everyone. Thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremiah Groskowski. I've been building businesses for the last 18 years, and I love to help people break past what's stopping them from growing to the next level. To make millions of dollars in sales on the Internet. That's my goal. I want everybody who's listening to this podcast to have that goal, to become a millionaire through online sales, because I believe that that is possible for you. Now, if you haven't listened to this podcast before, be sure to join the GrowYourLife Facebook group. There's over 1500 people in there just like yourself that are growing in their life and in their business. And you can ask any question that you want while you're in that group. It's absolutely free. Just type in grow your life as well. There's over 132 episodes of this podcast on so many different topics. Literally, if you went through them, it would be the biggest business and mindset mastery course that you could find anywhere. And I've tailored it specifically for the type of people that listen to this podcast. If this episode resonates with you, maybe. And you're going to love the other ones. All right, now, today we're going to talk about boundaries. We're going to talk about how important they are. So many misconceptions about boundaries, so many great books about boundaries. Have a. Cunnington has a book. Dr. Henry Cloud has a book. Boundaries Me is a great membership. I've taken all the courses, all the trainings about this to break past people. Pleasing people pleasing is one of the number one things that's going to hurt you and your potential as a business owner. All right? And then. Because here's why. Selling, if you're selling products and services online is all about serving people. You're serving their needs by delivering value to people. But if you're so focused on what people think about you, how they perceive you, and pleasing everybody and making everybody happy, if your goal in life is to make everybody happy and nobody upset with you, you will have a bad time. You will not sell. You will not reach the goals that you want. You'll feel guilty for doing the very things that you have to do to build your business. And you'll feel. Feel like, I want to build a business and avoid doing all of those things. And so I want to help you today if that's you. And there's things that you said, I don't want to be that way. I don't want to be that type of person in business. Or you're dealing with boundaries with people around selling. You're dealing with boundaries with people around holding your ground and your convictions. Maybe somebody's trying to guilt you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable doing. Maybe somebody's trying to guilt you into giving them your time and your resources. See, we have to have boundaries in so many different ways. We have boundaries on what people think about us. We have boundaries on what we choose to do. We have boundaries on where we choose to go, where we let our minds go. Here's one of the biggest truths is you don't need to let anybody guilt you into doing something out of obligation. Okay? A lot of us say that we don't have enough time to build our businesses because we have so many obligations that we've submitted ourselves to and sometimes out of guilt and shame that we feel like if we don't do those things that we're bad people. So I want to just break that lie completely right now. You're not a bad person for saying no to things, to take care of your family, even if it upsets, even if it disappoints other people around you. You're going to have to realize that for you to reach your goals as a business owner, you can't let the opin of other people stop you or dictate what you're going to do. You are going to have to make decisions that people don't like. And then when it comes to selling, we're going to have to be willing to hear no from people. See, our goal isn't to try to control other people. Our goal isn't to try to maintain other people's emotions and responses. To us, people pleasing is all about controlling other people's emotional reactions to us because we're trying to make them. We're trying to make make another person like us and act the way that we feel most comfortable, safe and secure. To be honest, it sounds cute, it sounds nice, but it's actually not. And it really makes other people feel uncomfortable to be around us. And so it's one of the biggest detriments to selling is people pleasing and a lack of boundaries. And oftentimes those two go together hand in hand. Wanting to make other people happy, wanting to do what everybody wants and not feeling like we can say no, feeling guilty when we have to say no to things, feeling like we don't have permission to say yes to the good or yes to the great and say no to the good, say no to the things that Might be good things, but they're not the best things for us to say yes to the great things that God's called us to. And listen, I believe that you have been born and chosen and called to do great things in your life. You need to believe that and you need to pull from that, that reality that nothing is impossible for you. But you're gonna have to make some decisions and take some actions that make you feel uncomfortable. Listen, if you've grown up your whole life being taught that your performance equates to your lovability, your likability, that if you were a bad girl or a bad boy, that you weren't loved by your parents or weren't treated that way, listen, that resonates in our minds. And then when we make mistakes, we end up beating ourselves up for making those mistakes. Is this a cycle that you found yourself doing? You need to have boundaries on your own self. Talk of how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake. If you wouldn't allow another person to talk to you, you wouldn't allow somebody else to talk to somebody else that way. Or maybe you would because you felt like you can't stand up for yourself, which I get that. I. I totally do. I grew up that way. I grew up feeling like I couldn't stand up for myself. I grew up feeling like I always had to do what everybody wanted. I always had to make mom and dad happy to be loved. I grew up feeling inadequate unless I was doing all the right things. And then I realized that that's no way to live your life. That's no way for any of us to live our lives. And if you set out then to be an entrepreneur, to be a business owner, that framework of functioning as a human, where you're concerned about portraying yourself in a way that makes people like you more, when you exist as a human, to portray yourself in a way that tries to get people to want to be around you more, when you slightly adjust and change who you are based on who you're around, it's no way to live your life. And yet I know for a fact many of my listeners, many of those that are on my email list, many of those that listen to this podcast have dealt with this, deal with this. I deal with it still. I'm not grown out of this or woke out of it at all. I'm still dealing with this issue right now, even to this day. But I'm growing. And I want to share with you just some of the things that I've learned that have worked for me. And we're going to take some of the beliefs that you might have and start to rewire and change some of those things. Listen, you do not ever have to change who you are to please other people. And you don't ever have to put yourself into situations that make you feel uncomfortable just to make other people happy. By the way, when I tell you that you're gonna feel uncomfortable selling, don't do that just to make me happy, okay? Do it, because that's what's gonna help you grow as a business owner. That's what's gonna make you a million dollars. Yes. There are things that you're gonna have to do as a business owner that are uncomfortable, the things that you fight the most. Okay? In fact, if you're a people pleaser, saying no is going to feel uncomfortable. So in reality, your comfort zone has been to just submit to everything that people say they want you to do. Your comfort zone has always been to just do what everybody says that you should do according to their opinion. And so for you to break out of this comfort zone, you're going to have to do what. What feels uncomfortable. And is it going to possibly piss some people off? Yeah, it will. Their reaction shows you who's a safe person and not, by the way, the people that you say no to. I'm going to give you a little hint on who's a safe person who are healthy people to hang around. And I understand a lot of you will probably hang around some people that I'm going to identify as unhealthy people. If they get mad or angry or try to guilt you or manipulate you when you say no, that's an unsafe, healthy, unhealthy person. And if you're somebody that tries to get mad, get angry, manipulate to get your way. When people say no, you might be an unhealthy, unsafe person. I realized this myself because I was that way as well. And now I've grown out of that. Listen, if somebody says no, that's great. That's awesome. Like, yay. I rejoice in your ability and your autonomy, your agency to say no. I rejoice in that now with people. Couple years back, I didn't like it when people would say no. And I was always doing what everybody, anybody else said to me as well. Okay? So you have to grow to a place where you don't feel guilty saying no to people. You don't allow people to guilt you into saying yes because you're not trying to maintain connection with people just through performance. Just through doing what you think they want you to do. That's not real connection, my friends, transactional connection. Connection based on how you perform or what you do. But if you're somebody that you have a goal in your life, you have a goal to be a business owner. You have a goal to impact people. These are mental areas that we need to work through. Because what's gonna happen is you're going to allow other people to suck your time away and suck your money away and suck your resources up that you would and should use to build your business, that you would be using to grow your bottom line, the time that you would be using. You let people suck it away by your lack of ability to say no, Your resources. You let people suck it away by your lack of ability to stand up and express yourself because you're afraid of how other people are going to react to you. And you're trying to still maintain and control how another person reacts and responds to you. Maybe you've been taught that like I was growing up, that's your responsibility to maintain the happiness of your parents or your spouse or. Or somebody in your life that. That it's your job to do the right things so that people are happy around you. It's not. I'm here to tell you that it's not your job to do that anymore. It's not my job, it's not anybody's job to do that. Or were meant to maintain and control our own emotions now. Yes. Don't be a jerk, don't be an asshole. Don't be somebody that just goes around just pissing people off for the sake of. Pissing people off for the sake of being controversial, for the sake of just making them angry at you and trying to trigger people on purpose that way. That's not respectful. That's not nice. You're still not responsible for how they react. Yes. But you can manage how you treat people with kindness and compassion and respect. Okay, so hear me out on that. At the same time, we need to realize that people pleasing and trying to make everybody like us and sacrificing ourselves and God forbid, bringing harm to your family to make other people happy. If you do something that cuts your income in half, it brings harm to your family to make another person happy. You don't need to feel obligated to do that just because somebody feels like, oh, I'm a family member, or oh, I'm close to you, or oh, I deserve that from you. Your resources, your time. Okay, and so why does this go in with. With Selling as well is when you realize this, when you have healthy boundaries, when you're not trying to make everybody happy, when you're not trying to please everybody in your life. You can sell powerfully because you're not afraid of whether they say no. You're not afraid of somebody coming to you and saying, wow, you're a crooked piece of garbage for even trying to sell me something. By the way, I had somebody write me that the other day that I was a crooked piece of garbage for selling my courses. That literally is 20 hours of me teaching people how to build multi million dollar businesses for 97 bucks. Like that's a gift to people that I give out there, right? That's not something that I take lightly. Or I have a free course that I put out there that shows you how to build online courses. Or I let you try my ads course for $1 on my website. Literally, you can go to my website, try those things out. I'm not afraid of other people's opinions of me when I'm selling, when I'm presenting what I offer for sale to people, even if it upsets or pisses them off. Listen, those aren't my kind of people anyways that I would hang out with. And those aren't your kind of people as well. So stop concerning yourself with the opinions of other people that get upset and angry at you for not doing what they think you should if they were you in your position. So often we sacrifice who we know that we need to be, what we need to do, what's going to be the healthiest thing for our families just to keep the peace with other people in our lives. And it's time to stop doing that. It's also time to realize that these beliefs, maybe we've told ourselves, oh, it's wrong to sell to people. Oh, it's unkind to say no. Maybe it's time to rewire these beliefs and realize that's not true. When? Where did that come from? Who taught me that and who lied to me in the process to get me to believe that I have no ability, no right to say no, that I have no right to have a boundary, that it's wrong for me to try to get people to buy stuff from me. Those are some things to think about, my friends. It came in somewhere from some experience. As humans, we live our lives experientially based on certain experiences. And then we're trying to avoid repeating the situation in the future by not doing certain things because we're afraid XYZ is going to happen. If we do those other things, that's literally, that's how, that's how our brains work. It's like touching a hot stove. And so you have to retrain your brain. Listen, I'm safe doing this thing, even if I feel uncomfortable doing it, I'm not going to die doing it. The other side of it is trust. And having trust and taking leaps of faith, taking risks, stepping out and taking a risk by putting faith into action. Instead of waiting until everything is secure for you before moving forward. I see so many people waiting until everything is secure for them before they move forward in their business. And they've been waiting for five to seven years for security to arrive for them when literally they could be doing like 10 minutes. If they had done 10 minutes a day for the last seven years, they would probably have a multi million dollar thriving business on the side. But they've been waiting until they can finally jump in all in because for some reason they have a belief that if they can't jump all in, then they're not even going to do a little bit. And they're waiting until they have this security and certainty of how to accomplish xyz. Even though they've taken hundreds of thousands of dollars in training courses. Instead of just taking a leap of faith and stepping forward and realizing it's okay if I fail, it's okay if I make mistakes. I'm going to learn along the way, I'm going to learn from the process and I'm not going to be afraid to step out and do something that might be scary. Okay, my friends. And so for you, what you got to do is you got to take those things that are telling you, hey, this is scary. Hey, protect yourself. Hey, make everybody happy and don't take a risk and silence them. Put a stop sign up to those messages that are in your head that are lying to you and telling you those things and then start to move things forward. Start to organize your life in a way so that you can start to take action and start to build your business. This is what takes things to the next level, my friends. This is what's going to take you to the next level. This is what's going to help you have the kind of impact that you want to have. And this is going to help you get beyond what's limiting you and stopping you from reaching those goals that you have. Again, some great books on these topics. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. Absolutely incredible books. And not nice by Dr. Aziz. Talking all about not Feeling guilty for saying no to other people, not feeling like you have to do what other people want you to do to be safe and secure as a human being so that you have agency and can control your life and build your life how you want to. That's going to change everything for you. You're going to be able to accomplish more than you ever imagined. When you start to work on what's between your two ears, what's stopping you from going after your dreams, from going after your vision, from going after what's in front of you based on those fears and worries that you have? Fear and worry is not your friend. My friends. It's time to give up fear and worry and start stepping out in faith to reach your goals. Without stepping out in faith, you will be struggling on the hamster wheel. So are you ready to stay where you're at now? Are you going to take a leap of faith? Let's go. I'd love to talk with you. You can schedule a free 15 minute call with me on my website, Jeremiah Krakowski.com and we can work through what are these areas? What are these things that you want to grow in? What are these areas that that might be stopping you from reaching your goals as a business owner? To take you to that six figure, seven figure and even eight figure level. You can schedule that free call website, Jeremiah Calm. Or we can do extended coaching. It's about $500 an hour for us to do one on one coaching over Zoom together. I'd love to work with you and help you reach your goals as a business owner. We'll talk soon.