194: Unlocking Your Potential By Overcoming Perfectionism with Venniece Robbins

Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremic Rakowski. If we haven't met yet, I help coaches, trainers, mentors, authors, and speakers scale their businesses to 20 to $40,000 per month and beyond using paid advertising, funnels, copywriting, and any way of getting clients through the Internet. I'm your guy now, listen, today I'm excited to introduce you to somebody that I've known for a while. Her name is Venice Robbins. She's absolutely incredible when it comes to the mindset of what it takes to help you get unstuck. And so, Vaneese, welcome to the podcast. How are you today?

I am great. It's so exciting and awesome to be with you, Jeremiah. Thank you.

Listen, I'm honored and glad that you said yes to be here. So tell everybody who's listening to this just a little bit about you and how you got started in this work and what you do and what you help people with.

Sure. Okay, cool. My name is Vaneese. Hi, everyone. And as Jeremiah said, I am an expert in personal growth. I got started years ago, before personal growth was a thing. It was like over 20 years ago. And my starting point was, honestly, I was miserable in my own life and pretending to be happy, and I wasn't. And I really came across personal growth, and it radically altered the quality of my life. And I think the biggest thing that I got was I have a say in my life. And I lived as a victim my whole life. And to really get it at my core, that I actually had to say was revolutionary. So I leaned in deeply to personal growth and fast forward. Gosh. I'm a life coach. I've worked for a world renowned life coaching company. My background is actually in nutrition. I'm a nutritionist.

Yeah. Start with one thing and then go to another. I'm taking notes here. I'm taking notes here on my phone, like, because I've got like. I already got like 10 questions I want to ask you. This is amazing. What got you out of like. Like into, like, where you're doing right now? And how are you helping people today?

Well, the thing is, eight years ago, I got really sick and I could not work. I had all the symptoms of fibromyalgia. That's a whole other trauma chapter which I won't get into now. But I found myself in a place where I couldn't work, like in traditional work. And I thought about, man, you know what, what do I want to do for the next 25 years of my life? And that was the beginning of pursuing something that I didn't know what it looked like. It was very like. All I know was I wanted to serve women and I wanted to do it in a larger scale. And so my brother told me about this thing called Facebook. He was like, you should check out this thing called Facebook. I'd never heard of it. I started an account. I came across Sandy Krakowski, who was my first business. Yes, Your mom. My first business coach. And that was a huge part of a foundation of what does it look like to be on the online space and serve people well and also be able to make money. So that's what I've been up to for eight years now. And it has been such an incredible journey. I'm on my social media. You can find me at Venice. That's really simple. V E and I E C E And these days, like, I find I'm really interested in working with women who struggle with perfectionism, low self esteem and fear. And what I do is I show women how to overcome so that they're actually in action designing a life they love. Like really in courageous action. So I have a couple of life coaching groups online and I love it. It's a lot of fun.

Yeah. So help me, help me understand a little bit here. When you say perfectionism, women that struggle with that, how does that manifest and look in people's lives? How does even. Would you say perfectionism is a form of self sabotage?

I think it could definitely be self like perfectionism is. There's actually like different kinds of perfectionism, how it shows up. I think a real common one is what we call the taskmaster, which is a constant evaluation. There's the pessimist, critic, or perfectionist. So perfectionism can look a number of different ways. Even being a caregiver can be. Can show up as perfectionism. And the bottom line is it's where we are driven to do something, whether if it's caring for others, if it's, you know, demanding that we live in a certain standard where there's freedom. That's the common. Yeah. And I think as we've lived our lives like that for so many years, I myself am a recovered perfectionist.

Right.

It's draining, it's exhausting.

And it's almost like you can't control it too. Like it feels. It's uncontrollable.

Yeah. And one of the things in the coaching that I'm doing is we really distinguish it. It's not necessarily all of who we are, but it's a part of who we are.

Right.

So in coaching, we can help people distinguish that part of who we are, and it gives room. Well, we do it with love and compassion and actually consider that the perfectionist part of us can actually help us.

That's. That's what I've been learning. So what. What Venice is talking about is there's. There's a practice called ifs internal family systems, sometimes called parts work. If you've been following my mom, she talks about it too. Gabby Bernstein has literally shifted her whole entire business around. Parts work even, and she's getting certified in that.

And.

And so Venice talk a little bit more about that, about how a. The thing that we think is what's stopping us from succeeding, though it was a success strategy that we built up in ourselves through life experiences. How does that work to where somebody. Because I want to. I want to circle back around to who we're talking to here. Coaches, course creators, trainers and mentors that they want to make multiple six figures in a business. So that's who our audience is. So they have a goal that requires a level of, for lack of a better word, performance in their life to do certain activities. And they might be stuck from doing those each day or struggling to even launch or false start. Maybe they get an idea and then they get halfway ready to launch, and then it never seems to. Things never seem to leave the idea stage.

Yeah.

What would you kind of say if you kind of would bring this all together for them to help them?

I would say two things. And this is going to sound really simple. It is. And it takes some practice. The first thing I would say is that who we really are, like in our true self, our true identity is extremely courageous, confident, creative, connected and calm. Like that is truly who we really are.

Okay, let me pause you there, though. What if the evidence in your life is showing that you are the exact opposite of all those things?

I. You're right. One step ahead of me. So I'm going to give you a demonstration.

That's what a lot of people think they're like, I am not any of those. And I'm not going to step into toxic positivity and try to fake it till you make it and think I am totally.

I'm going to give you a demonstration. This is the way I do in my coaching. It's the first way. Let's do it. Let's consider. Just consider this is who we really are. Okay.

Okay.

And then there's this part of us who is not that. Maybe this is part of us that's like, you're a loser. You're a failure. You can't do it. You know? And when in that part of us, because we actually have them collapsed, we actually think that that part of us that tells us you're an idiot. I mean, I've heard everything. Okay. You're stupid. Oh, yeah, right. You know, why would you even.

You're a criminal. Because I was arrested so many times from drinking and all of that. And so anytime I do anything wrong, it goes back into like the police mode.

Yeah. Mine was, you'll never have what you want. You'll never have what you want. And it just. It was. It's the thing that always stopped me. So I would go so far, I would dream. But then it was like that part of me who felt real. And I think that if there's one thing that people could take away from this conversation is to consider the. That who we really are is all those things connected, courageous, creative, et cetera. And there's that part of us that really stops us. And as a practice, it's really distinguishing that they're separate. So here's what that could look like, okay. Is being willing to get curious and compassionate about this part that stops us. Consider that it comes from somewhere. It's just like you were saying, Jeremiah, with yours, where I'm a criminal. Mine was, I can't ever have what I want. Right. It comes from somewhere. And as we can create some space to be curious and even compassionate towards that part of us, because it's not really who we are. It's created as some kind of survival, hurt, protection, and even the practice of saying, you know what? I hear you, I hear you. That little girl that's nine years old that told herself she can't have what I want. And I just want you to know I'm listening.

Yeah.

And even we could take it a step further is getting curious around, you know, what are you scared of? And having that conversation with ourself. Consider we're always having conversations with ourselves. We're always talking to ourselves. But it's really being able to have a conversation with that side of us and say, and this is like a practice I coach in is I see you, I hear you. I understand. And I want you to consider I'm not that person. I'm not that criminal. That's not really who I am. I'm not that nine year old anymore. I'm actually 50. And I've learned a lot of ways that I can navigate my life. And I actually have made some really great choices. I'm asking you to give me some room to lead, and you can even come along with me. Can I tell you a story real quick that happened yesterday?

Sure. I got some questions for you on this, because I feel like if people are listening to this right now, I want to help kind of lead them to gain a better understanding as to what you're talking about, and we'll go over some of that here. Tell me the story, though. What was it?

So this is something that really has stopped me my whole life. It's very specific in my relationship with my mother, and it's affected my business. Yesterday, I had a conversation with my mom. I'm not going to get into the details, but there is a part of me that has felt like I. I'm really all alone. And in my business, I have felt like I'm really all alone. As a business owner, I've worked so hard, and I didn't realize I've not been alone. I actually have a lot of resources around me, but I've never been able to really allow those resources to kind of assist me, because who I've been is alone. So it was a huge breakthrough. Okay. It's like this week's breakthrough from doing this practice.

So yesterday. I want to share something for the group, too, on this. It's listening to this podcast. You're not alone. If you're listening to this podcast. You got the podcast community. If you comment on this podcast on YouTube, I comment back. If you go on my social media, I comment back. If you connect with Venice, you got both of us right now in your corner saying, you're not alone. All right, keep going.

Yeah. I love. It's so true. Yes. So I have a conversation with my mom, and I can feel that part of me that's feeling really nervous. Like, you've tried to talk to her in the past and talk to her when you try to talk to her. This is how it goes. Because I've been trying to have this breakthrough with my mom. Right. For years. And I was able to, in the moment, acknowledge, I hear you, and I'm asking you to trust me.

Wow.

I know what I'm doing in this conversation, Jeremiah. Everyone listening. It was the most incredible conversation I've ever had with my mom. Sat here, we cried together. We sorted some things out. I was able to speak from a different place. I've always been speaking to my mom from anger. I've been so pissed off at her, and I. I released it. I said, I know you love me. I'M giving up the anger. I mean, she was blown away. And here's the thing. This impacts my business.

Yep, it does.

Every time I grow and I have more space as a person, it is reflective. I have more space in my business. So I love this simple. You know, there's who we really are, then there's that part of us that tells us whatever it says, it stops us. It stops us from getting into action. It says if you try, you're going to fail. Or it questions everything. You have to have all the hundred things lined up before you do it, because otherwise it's not going to work. That's just another part. Sometimes our part is logical. We get so the planning and the logic and the analysis of everything that it stops us. And it's really developing as a practice, the ability to just, like, say, hey, that's not necessarily who I am, but get curious about it and have a conversation. What are you scared of? How are you protecting me? How do you help me? And when I checked in with that part, it was like, well, we don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt, so I'm going to keep that up. So I protect you, Venice. So it's a simple practice. It's very powerful.

Yeah. Here's some of the questions I have, because in conversations like this with people that might be listening to this podcast, especially if they come from, like, a religious background, they might have a part of them that is resistant to hearing some of this or misunderstanding it. Like, are we talking about schizophrenia here? Are we talking about demon possession? Are we talking about shadow work? Are we talking, like, how is this different than that or related to that in this whole world in conversation?

Well, as a person of faith, when I first kind of got exposed to this type of method, I was like, wait a minute, are you talking about multiple personalities? I totally get it.

Yep. Dissociative disorder.

Totally. And, you know, the thing is, it's very helpful to do the research. Okay. And Dr. Richard Schwartz, who is the originator, you're talking about 35 years of experience in marriage and family therapy. He has a book called no Bad Parts that I highly recommend, if you're interested in this conversation, really pick it up.

And that one statement of the title of the book challenges a lot of our worldview because we look at, okay, this part of me is bad, so that's why it's not successful. This part of me is bad, so that's why I'm doing things that I don't want to do. This part of me is bad. And, and we, and we, we can notice ourselves saying that we. I even had hatred towards my younger self that got arrested, that drank too much. And I realized what actually brought me into the idea of studying parts work is I had gone through a lot of inner healing, a lot of talk therapy, a lot of deliverance ministry with my church. And yet there was like, okay, why is this not working? Right? You've been through all that too. And it's. And I don't. And I think that there's a place for it too as well. I really do still. But this work is, is on a whole nother level of saying, actually you're not bad. And actually I'm just going to go straight into the faith side of it here. It shows us how the Father sees us.

Yes.

The Father in heaven sees us as. There's no part of us that's bad.

Amen.

There's no part of us that is dirty or ugly or disgusting. And when we start to see ourselves as that way, it changes everything about how we live, love, lead, parent and build our businesses.

I want to add one thing. I totally 100% agree. I think one of the challenges we have as believers is that we don't really approach things in an integrative way. We see things like mind, body, spirit, and spirit. Of course, people of faith, we have a heavy emphasis on faith. Right. The thing is, what we don't realize is we're not three compartments. The mind, body, spirit is all one system. That's the first thing.

Yes.

Second thing, for whatever reason, hey, not judging or anything, we in the church, we don't have knowledge, basic knowledge about how the mind and brain works. Yeah, it's kind of incomplete, you know, and we hear messages about be transformed by the renewing of our mind. But even if you just have a basic understanding of how the mind works, when you really like study psychology there is all human beings have like different personalities there. That's very well researched. It's established science. It doesn't mean you have like multiple personality disorder or that it's not exactly. It's not the same thing. It's just having an understanding of that this is how the creator of the universe made our mind.

That's human. This is by design, how God put our operating system together. And in fact, like you're, you're right, the Bible actually does talk about this. I think sometimes we can get into a religious state of mind of. Well, you know, like when I, when I prayed the prayer, Jesus healed it and If I don't believe that, there's something wrong with me. That framework is still kind of operating in this kind of performance. For love based. If I do, then I will get. If I do good, then I'm safe. If I don't do right, then I'll get punished or I won't get a reward. Things like that. And what I found is, is that really. Taking a look at, okay, how does the mind work, even from a scientific standpoint? What I love is that the Bible and science don't conflict each other. They actually support each other.

Yes. It's so good. I love it. The other thing I was going to say is that, you know, I've said the prayer of healing. I've done inner healing, like ministry, deliverance, ministry, retreats. I've gone to my husband and I, and what I really discovered is that, yeah, when we go and we say the prayers, it's not that nothing happens. The prayers are the beginning of a season.

That's really good.

We pray, we get an agreement with heaven. We believe in what the scriptures say. And then it's almost like God's like, okay, you ready? In partnership with me? Let's go.

What you just said was. Was one of the most powerful statements I've heard in the last year. Can you say that again? When we say the prayers, what does it do? It starts a season.

Yeah, it begins a whole season. And in that season, it's like layers of the onion, where in. The Creator knows all about us. The creator knows when we're ready. We're not.

Sorry. I'm just like. My brain is like.

So it's. It's participating in our own healing. We are not God.

We are walking out our healing.

We're walking it out.

If I'm gonna say, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna walk away from pornography. And then I'm logging into a site late at night and said, like. Like, I have to still show up at a certain point in that to walk out what I've prayed and declared, and I'm living for my life and for my marriage.

And now this brings in one other important element. And I believe this with all my heart. We're not designed to do it alone. God himself is community. The Godhead. God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit. Right? We are designed to live, grow, and thrive in community. So wherever. What in the seasons, in all seasons of life, it's really designed. Like, I believe God's heart is do it in community. That's where you. That's where the juice in life is. And what I love about. We both have online communities, right. So I love, you know, having online community because people can connect from anywhere in the world and we can be.

And we have a community here with the Grow youw Life podcast and our coaching group, interestingly enough, you're listening. It's not a, it's not a Christian or church community. It's actually we have, we have a number of people like that that don't share the same faith as me. But we're operating and learning all this stuff together because these strategies work for everybody, which is amazing. So here's something I want to say. You said something at the beginning that you discovered when you learned this, it helped you no longer sabotage. You're able to open up your voice. It allowed you to design your life and have a say in your life. And I find that that's a big thing for me. Growing up, I never felt that I had a say in life. I was taught delayed obedience is disobedience. And if I don't ask how high when I'm asked to jump, it's disobedience. And that I will be punished physically, emotionally and spiritually if I don't operate that way. So that way of living is what I lived in 19 years of my life till I moved out of my parents house. And so that was how I was wired, is that I have no say in my life. Which is crazy because that's the complete opposite of, you know, those of you that know my mom, like, like she looking back, she's like, yeah, that I would never have raised you that way, you know, if I had known, right. We, and we've since healed and grown in our relationship. But what would you say to somebody? Because I know that there's people who listen to this, that they feel that way. I got no say in my life. I have no. I know what I want, I see it, but it's impossible.

I would say again, consider allowing yourself some room to get curious about that. A lot of times we don't bring curiosity and we don't bring compassion. You know, a lot of times like, I want to kill that side of me. I want to, I want to obliterate that. Well, okay, here's the reality. Probably that part of you, that side of you has been around for a very long time. It's probably a part of the entire neural hardwiring of your brain.

Yeah. And it's funny, I found myself, even some of my content. I've said that before and I'm starting to, as I'm learning this, say, okay, maybe we need to embrace it, listen to it, not kill it.

That has been one of my biggest things from, like, takeaways and breakthroughs in 2022, is I've been trying to erase things that are not erasable because they're literally hardwiring in my brain. I'm not. That's not going to change. I mean, I guess it's. Nothing's impossible. Some massive miracle, but probably it's not going to happen. What I can do. And to answer your question, for those who are listening, you could, first of all, consider that the good news, the bad news. Bad news is it's not going to go away. Good news is you could get curious about why you do that, what it serves purpose in your life. Yeah. You could actually create some kind of, like, this is powerful, like, for me, what I.

My life with this conversation, by the way, I hope you know. Yeah, you're going to see the fruit of it soon.

Amen. What I do, and this is what I teach my clients is I'm like, okay, in my mind, it's like I have my true who I am and my identity, who I am in Christ. And then there are these parts of me that have been around for a long time. So I'm like, okay, we're all doing this together. And I really intentional to be aware there's sometimes right for, like, even before I came on the podcast, I could feel I was nervous and I was checking in with myself. I was like, okay, what's there? And I could hear, oh, what if you screw it up? What if it doesn't go well? You know, what if you say something stupid? And then.

So amazing. Just so you know. One of the best episodes ever.

Thank you. I was just like, okay, I hear you. And let's just do this together. We've got this, you know, so it's so much compassion for my humanity, I think. I work with women for a living. And the biggest thing I see is there are two pitfalls. One, we don't give ourselves room for our humanness in our growth. The second is we think just because we did something for a week, we are done. Growth is a season. It takes time, you know, to kind of like get on your feet. It's like, almost like walking, you know, you're going to have a baby soon, you and Abigail.

You're excited.

And then he's going to fall, and then he's going to stand, and then he's going to walk, and that's Time. And it's the same way for us, for the people. Like, you're like, oh, my gosh, that sabotager. I know. I have that vision, but it always keeps coming up. Give yourself some room and begin to take on transforming your relationship to the sabotager. And you can create. Let's do this together. Because I'm always going to be afraid, but I don't have to try to obliterate it. I could still move forward. And the other thing is having coaches and mentors, because we, as coaches and mentors, we're highly trained. We're not perfect. We are in our own journey. We have just trekked the way.

I am not perfect at all, y'. All. Just so you all know, Vaneese isn't.

No.

No. Coach. If you meet a coach that claims they're perfect, I'd run.

Yes. Yeah. Or they have it all handled, you know?

Or like, they got it all figured out. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm always like, when was your last breakthrough? If your last breakthrough was 20 years ago? I'm like, well, growth is an ongoing process.

Denise Robbins dropping bombs with an ease. Robbins. That's it.

Yeah. You know, coaches and mentors, because we could. You shared some things with me that were so powerful as my. As my business coach. I'm like, I. I didn't see it. I totally get it. Or you're confirming something in my heart I've known. Oh, yeah.

And I want to. I want to get some coaching from you here right now on this call. We're just going to. I'm just going to be selfish here because I think being more selfish is actually helpful in our businesses is, you know, as taking advantage of every situation that you can in a way that honors and serves everybody else. That's how I see it. If I'm taking advantage of a situation, I want it to honor and serve everybody around me. And so, like, this week, we use the group they helped write my copy for that. Now, I'm not gonna do that all the time, but it was a fun exercise for everybody. So I got a question for you here. There was. And. And it's funny, she might be listening to this podcast episode, the Lady I'm Talking About. So I'm gonna be a little careful as to how I bring it. So she. I had a lady yesterday write me, was convinced that I was a scammer, a fraudster that I was. Still stole her money, stole her credit card, because she paid me $17 for an upsell on an offer on our website. And she wrote me and said, I need you to video call me to prove this. And then she started threatening me, and she started sending me these threats that she's gonna shut down my page and my social media. And I did not react in a way that I would like. I reacted in a way that I'm not proud of. I actually immediately video call called her, and I said. I said, first off, I am the real Jeremiah Kowski, and you're banned from ever doing anything with my business. And it was just like, you know, because I'm just like, I can't have somebody that is threatening me when they're only sending 17 around me in my space. Now, that is a boundary that I've created for my business. If somebody's listening to this right now. I don't respond well to threats, but here's the thing is I. I don't respond well to threats. And I think that's something that I'm starting to.

To.

To realize is, like, if somebody's threatening me, especially if it's not true, it's more. So if it's not true, if you threaten me or upset because it is true, I tend to shrink back. If you're threatening me and it's not true, I become this roaring lion that I just, like, I forget that I'm a Christian. I like, I. I say things that, like, I look back and I'm like, oh, I could have done that better. And so, like, what would you say to become curious about in that moment?

Well, there's two things I would say. One is it's really great that you're aware. Like, it sounds like you're not helping me at all.

So.

Yeah, I would. I'm sure you have the kind of personal time of reflection or meditation or prayer.

Yeah. Yeah.

In times I would begin to. To explore that. I have, like, a little practice on my iPhone. I have, like, I call it parts. Yeah. As I'm in prayer, I have a specific time of focus for.

Because I made a decision in that moment. When that happened, I need to kill that part of me. And now here's what's crazy. For eight hours after that, I struggled the entire day. I literally passed out on the couch for two hours. I almost felt like I went through a death a little bit. And I. And I. Now I've been trying to explore that part of me, and he's not showing up.

Yeah. So then what if I would first try to get present and 1. They call it trailheads and ifs. But see if you can get present in your body to how you felt. Because feelings or sensations are ways that we can.

I'll do it in my private time. Not right now.

Yeah, yeah. And then see if you could just kind of get present to that part. And the key is, Jeremiah, is how we come at it. And it's. If you can really practice coming with curiosity or compassion, letting that part of.

Me know it's safe to show up. Even though I threatened to kill.

Yeah. And you can say I'm not really. I have a hard time being around you.

Yeah.

It's hard for me. And then getting curious around, how do you help me? Or what's it? This is another question I ask, what's it like being you?

Wow. And, you know, I'm starting to feel it even while we're talking. This is amazing. It's incredible.

So that would be something you could do and then just get really curious and say, I hear you. I see you. And you could ask for some space. Like, you know, if something happens. I'm asking to give me some space so I can deal with what is happening in the present moment. It helps if you can do it when you're not in the situation.

Right.

When you're in the situation, your whole central nervous system is like.

Yeah.

On alert.

Yeah.

It's hard to come, you know, until you can kind of sort through it offline. I had something. I won't get into the detail. It's kind of not necessarily appropriate for now, but I had a very traumatizing situation when I was in my 20s, in college. And just recently, when I was in Colorado visiting family, I had a moment where I had a panic attack because my brain felt like I was in. What happened?

Right.

And I froze. And through the practicing, like, what I'm saying, I was able to pause and say, okay, Venice, you're not in college, and what's happening is not happening right now. Then I removed myself from the room and I went to the lobby of the hotel, and I just sat and I was. I breathed a little, and then I just said, okay, you're safe. You're not in danger. And I could feel my whole body just calming down. And I just gave myself room. And then I was like, okay, let's try this again. Let's go back to that room and let's see how we do.

Wow.

And what I've learned is I'm still going to feel a little anxious, but I can give myself room. Like yesterday with my mom, I was really scared to talk to my mom, so I stopped on the side of the road. I Was like, ok, we're just going to get to the driveway and we're going to see how we feel then we're going to go in the house and we're going to get in the car and go to the restaurant and we're going to see how we feel then. And I was playing it out. I was like, okay. That scared part of me who was like, it's not safe because you know how it always goes.

Yeah.

It was incredible. I was able to take it in little pieces. In little pieces.

That's good. That's awesome.

That's the power of being aware and altering the relationship we have to those parts. So with you, I would just recommend you get curious about it and offline and you'll notice you'll have more ability to interrupt it.

I've already, I've already gotten a little bit curious. Even in the last two minutes. I've just been like thinking about it and I remember for the first time I remember where it came up five years ago. I remember, you know, and if I go back and find that part, like what age is it of me that really. And I think maybe it was in the last five years that is willing to say no and willing to set a boundary because it's not afraid. Like doesn't want to be walked all over.

Yes.

But has maybe set that boundary in the not so best way and then has gotten hurt.

Yeah.

In a previous situation where maybe I was threatened or felt threatened.

Yeah.

And. And responded in that way. Oh, I'm. I'm even thinking through. So my, my, my wife actually said something very interesting. She said you haven't sounded that way since you lived in Kansas City. And so I'm thinking. I just remembered. I'm thinking back to a time in Kansas City where. And this is part of how this goes. Everybody, if you're watching this actively is. You'll notice behavior that you're doing now. And then you're gonna think of a time where you did it in the past. And that feeling, you get present to that feeling and you're able to do that. I have found a very interesting ability to get present with the feeling. Feelings while staying active in my outward self. And like, like I'm engaging with the podcast, but internally I'm actually pretty present with that feeling right now.

Yes. Yes.

It takes you a little while to get to. That's what I found. A lot of my teaching comes from is being able to do that because I'll even get active to some of the parts of my clients with Empathy a little bit and be able to answer some of that based off of my own experiences. And so I'm thinking back to a time I had a realtor tell me that she was gonna steal the keys to my house if I fired her. And I was 500 miles away from her. And I. And I stepped into that part of me in that moment and said the sent the police after her to go get my keys. And so literally, like, that was the part that showed up yesterday. It was that same, like, you know, protecting my family type of. It was a protector. I'm seeing that as that way. It's the don't mess with my family, don't mess with my living. Living type of thing. And. But, like, you know, this lady was. Was just scared. She was scared that she was going to be taken advantage of. She was scared that I was a scammer. She was worried of that. Now, at the same time, I think it's best that she not engage with our business. I think maybe even if she reaches out to you and works through some of that would be incredible. That'd be amazing. You know, getting some therapy, getting some of that help. So I'm not going to mention her by name, but, like, this is an experience, and if you're a coach or a course creator online, you're going to have these experiences with people. You know, I understand there might be some people that the fact that I responded that way ruins my credibility with them. I'm working on this myself. I'm not perfect. You're hearing me be very vulnerable with you about one of the. One of the things that I almost hide, sometimes don't even bring to the table. But I believe that God is giving me enough opportunity to talk with people about this because it's something that's entering them as well.

It's awesome. I think definitely there is room for creating boundaries. I've learned that in my business, everyone has an opinion on social media. And I have just certain rules. Like, you can't cuss at me. You can't. You don't get to threaten me, and you don't get to be mean to me. I've had people horrible messages. And I mean, I. It's just like, they're not. It's a. They're seeing through a distortion.

Right. They're seeing experience and their beliefs.

Yeah. And I'm like, hey, I got it. I heard you. And I just want to let you know you don't get to speak to me that way. And I'm banning you from my Page.

Yeah. And honoring their experience.

Yeah. And I tell her, I hear you, and I. But I don't engage and go back and forth.

Yeah, Yeah. I.

That's something.

I am quitting this month.

Great. Yeah.

Tomorrow. Today. Today. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, okay, yesterday, like I said, I was quitting this behavior a week ago, and now this, you know, like. But like, I. I had somebody this morning even was like, you know, I completely disagree with you. That doesn't apply to me. And I almost went back and forth. Instead, I made a post on my social media and shared the post with her again, I don't even need to do that, but I'm growing in that way.

One thing that also helps is I. You know, I love the definition of compassion in ifs. It's one of the definitions is. Is empathizing with others, knowing that when they experience healing, they will be able to release their own burdens.

Yeah.

To me, I really have been able to keep that in mind. That when. When people are being like their parts are coming out, I can say, you know what? I choose to be empathetic. I don't feel sorry for them and. But I choose to be empathetic because they're carrying their own hurt and it's projecting. And I know that when they choose to get into their healing season, they're going to be free. And it's made a huge difference for me to be able to hold space even for and have true compassion for others. So I think there's really a lot to be said about, you know, it takes something because it's like, we are human. We're going to have a reaction, but then it's pausing and noticing what part of us is coming up and then also choosing. I'm choosing to be compassionate, but also holding people accountable. Like, you know, it doesn't work for you to cuss me out.

Right.

Yeah. We don't do that here. And I'm not going to go back and forth, but I hear what you're saying.

Or to invalidate and to invalidate me. I just like, exactly. Your experience and mine don't have to be the same. Doesn't make mine invalid or yours invalid.

Exactly. Yeah. That's great.

Here's something that. So I made this post this morning. It's a photo of my wife and I standing on our steps. I don't know if you saw it.

I saw it. Yeah.

I wanted to kind of close here today with that. Is that from what you just said? We need to give ourselves compassion and I see it as the compassion that we would give our ourselves as a child. The compassion that we would give ourselves as even a newborn baby.

Yes.

And that's a big one because we look at, okay, we're born as a baby, perfect in every way. And then we have this belief that we become not that, that we transform into, not that over time. And I would challenge you today to start to see yourself and other people as perfect as how they are, as not needing to change. And so I wrote this post. I'm just going to read it to you. My baby boy, he's going to be born in three or four weeks. My baby boy. Sorry, I'm crying. My baby boy is good enough. In fact, he is perfect and he always will be. There's nothing he can ever do that will change that. I've struggled for years worrying about being good enough. This is me talking about me. Growing up. I was taught that unless I had unquestioning obedience and always performed perfectly, I was not worthy of love or worthy of my dreams or goals to manifest. And that I must constantly prove my right standing both with God and other people or be punished harshly. And I ref. And I just made this stand. I refuse to continue this toxic trend with my child or family ever. You know this. This behavior is not okay. It's not serving us. This way of thinking turns adults. We constantly try to defend ourselves and prove that we're worthy of our desires. Well, the truth is, just like my baby boy, we are and always have been good enough, no matter what we do or perform. Did you know that you can reparent yourself? Did you know that you can change the pattern of how you were raised as an adult? I know I did give yourself compassion. The same compassion that you would give to a child when they make a mistake. As if you were the parent you needed, not the one you had quit trying to prove. And I've done a lot of what has helped me before. I found parts work was this inner child healing. So some of what I teach comes from that inner child healing. Parts work takes that and takes it to like level 10,000. It's amazing. So give yourself the compassion that you would give a child. Quit trying to prove that you're in right standing or are worthy of love. You're perfect just as you are right now. Fully worthy of everything that you could ever imagine. Nothing inside or outside of you has to change for that to be true. Give yourself a big hug and a high five today for how amazing you are. Start believing that you're Absolutely incredible. The badass, amazing version of yourself that you've always dreamed of and wanted to be, you are right now. That kind of household is a household that my baby boy is going to grow up. And I'm so excited for his future. Whatever desires and dreams, dreams they might be, he will always be perfect just as he is, with nothing that has to change. He'll accept and love himself unconditionally, even when he makes big mistakes and messages. And that's what I would invite you guys, if you're listening to this, to do is start to accept yourself. Give yourself a high five and a hug with compassion. Even when you make those bigger mistakes and those messes, you're worthy of every dream that you have. You're good enough just as you are. In fact, you're. You're beyond good enough. You're absolutely incredible and amazing. You are not less than perfect. You're not. You are just how you are right now is incredible, is awesome. I think we tend to talk about ourselves like we're broken, when in fact, there's no broken or bad parts. We're just putting that all together. Start loving yourself with that same compassion that you would a baby child and a growing child, and give yourself that love. It's going to change everything for you, you know? So, Vaneese, like, any final words or final thoughts for people as we close out, as we wrap up this podcast.

My final words would be just an echo of what you're saying, which is you are whole, complete and perfect right now. And, you know, there's some things in the way and it's your humanity, but at the core, who you really are is whole, complete, perfect, not broken. And I encourage you to get connected to communities such as Jeremiah's. I'm not a business coach, but I love working with people. Get connected to people who can speak into your life in a way that expands that because it will make a difference. And then the last thing is, I mean, I've known you years, Jeremiah, and I just acknowledge you for your courage and all the grit and how you've made a difference, and you're very relentless. Thank you. You've made a difference in my life. And I know you make a difference in the lives of others, so thank you. And I'm just really excited to see you continue to grow.

I'm excited.

We're going to grow together.

Yeah. Listen, if you need that voice in your life, maybe you're looking for somebody, a life coach or somebody to help you organize those thoughts in your life and help you kind of integrate those parts. That's what Venice is helping people do. That's how she. She's being of service to the world. And here's something I want you to remember is, you know, your life can have a major impact. If just one person had a positive impact on a thousand people, who then had an impact on a thousand other people, and those thousand people impacted a thousand others, your life would touch one eighth of the entire world's population. It's over a billion people right there. And so realize that, like, just little me, like, we think little me, what can I do? You can do a whole lot. You can do as much or as little as you want, too. And that's awesome. Like. Like, there's nobody's, like, goals for their business are better or worse than each other. My goals are pretty big. Like, I ain't stopping until I get to the billions at all. And I ain't slowing down when I get there either, to let 10 and 100. And that's where. That's where I'm going. The trajectory of my life and impact. But it starts with this foundation that we're talking about right now. When you start on the Good foundation, this Good foundation will take you beyond where you could ever imagine. All right. Thanks for being here, Vaneese. This has been amazing. God bless. Have a good one, everybody. Listen, if this has helped you, if this episode has helped, share it with somebody. Don't hold this bin. Don't hold it to yourself. Share it with your friends, your family. Let them know this work might just change somebody else's life as well. Talk soon.

Bye.