201: Getting Unstuck To Make Big Life Moves Faster - #GrowYourLife

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jaron Michaelski and in this podcast I talk about how to grow your coaching business, get more clients, as well as the mindset strategies to help you take action and get results. That's what my business is about, is about you making more money and taking action. I don't just want to fill you up with knowledge or information so that you feel smart. And you might feel smart after listening to my podcast, but I want you to also apply it and I want you to see changes and results in your life. That's why I do this. I don't just do this to flap my jaws. Listen, I've done enough of that the last couple of years. If you listen through the podcast, this is episode number 201 and I'm so thankful that you're still here, that you're listening, that you're plugged in. Many of you have become coaching clients. We've got to know each other, we've become friends. And so today I've just finished a five day intensive and I've discovered a lot about people and I've discovered a lot about human behavior. I've also discovered a lot about the marketplace that's out there. And I have a very specific message for people who maybe you're not quite ready yet in your business. Maybe you have an idea of what you want to do, but you're not quite sure if you're ready to take the next step. I actually have a lot of empathy for that because I've been that way in some areas of my life for years. You know, I have certain goals when it comes to like creating video games and comic books and telling stories. And sometimes things come up in my life. Here's what I look at is I think we have to get honest with ourselves and other people about what are our goals for now and what are our goals for later and be okay with saying, yes, this is a goal that I have, but it's not for right now. At the same time, we have to be real clear on, okay, what do I actually want to accomplish with my life? What am I working on? What's my current project? And I think we all should have some kind of a project on a six month scope that we're trying to accomplish. For me, my six month scope is to have 500 members in my group coaching program. We've already had close to 230 people come through the program, which is amazing. And we're close to being halfway to our goal and that was in about a half a year. So another maybe 270 members scaling our ads and adjusting our offer and stuff like that, I can easily get there in six months. So I'm excited about that. I have confidence knowing that we can hit that goal. And what's fun is once we hit that number of 500 members, we will be a seven figure a year company. Over a million dollars per year. Right now we're at about a half a million a year. And that's awesome. And it's great. And we're thriving and we're growing and we're impacting people. And it's the best experience in my life. It's the most money I've personally ever made. And we're helping our clients as well. It's not just about me, but we're helping them as well make a ton of money in their businesses. Now here's the deal, okay, is we all put off things, we all procrastinate, we all have reasons why we don't do stuff. And I want to have a lot of empathy for this. Here's the thing, mental health has been stigmatized way too much in our culture. I think that it's more of a generational thing. And a lot of the people that I talk to and work with, they're over the age of 50. If you're listening to this, you're over the age of 50. You've probably maybe thought of when somebody says mental health or, or that they're struggling with mental health or if, if I told you the reason why you're struggling is related to your mental health, that you might think of that as a negative or even a put down. I even saw something on social media the other day where this lady was like, they told you you should go to therapy because they wanted to abuse you. And I was like, wait a sec, what? Some people even see the comment of, hey, you should probably go to therapy as a negative insult. And so I think that that's actually shifting. I'm a millennial. I am. I will be 30. How old will I be? 1988 is when I was born. Yeah, I'll be 35 in March. So I'm almost 35 years old. I feel like 35 is this age where it's like, you know, I have wisdom about my life, but I also know that I still have a whole lot to learn. I'm young, I got a ton of energy still. You know, we just had a newborn baby. I have enough energy to be able to work and to play and to still build the life that I want, you know, way more than somebody who might be in their 60s or 70s. I have a lot of clients who are in their 60s and 70s, though, that I work with. And the reason I'm saying this is, this is I have a lot of empathy for the fact that not everybody has a lot of years left in their life. And I don't want to sound morbid on this, but I talk with my clients. I mean, I have a client who's like 80. And yeah, he talks. In reality, he's like, you know, I might only have 20, 30 years left. You know, optimistically. Right. My mom is almost 60, and yet she has a ton of energy to do and accomplish a whole lot. And she's doing so much. And I'm so excited about that. But it comes from this place of rest. It comes from this place of self care. It comes from this place of taking care of what's going on up here. And so what I found is in my life, when I'm procrastinating on something, when I have a goal, when I know that I want to accomplish something and I'm putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. I'll even notice this with anybody along the gambit of the age range of whether you're. You're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, or 80. Our belief systems, the things we believe determine our actions. Okay, so, like, what we believe comes out of experiences. This is basic mindset 101. And if this is your first time ever hearing this, welcome and I invite you to really go on a journey of personal development. The more you work on yourself personally, what do we mean by work on ourselves personally? I don't just mean our physical body, but it really is how we think, how we talk, how we interact, how we interact with the world, how much we love ourselves, how much we respect ourselves, how much grace we give ourselves. That's a huge part of personal development, is how much grace do you give yourself when you mess up, when you make a mistake, instead of punishing yourself, instead of beating yourself up, you actually encourage yourself. You say, hey, you know what? I didn't do my best this time, but I'm gonna do better next time. And we grow from every experience. When we have a goal in our life and we end up procrastinating on it, saying, okay, I'm gonna do it next week. I'm gonna take care of it next week. I heard this a lot from a number of people this past week about my coaching program. We had a ton of people that were like, hey, I'd love to join your coaching program. I heard this from like 20, 30 people. Jeremiah, I want to join your coaching program, but I'm just not ready yet. In my experience, the people who say that nothing changes in their life next year, the year after, or the year after that. And I hope I didn't lose some people by saying that I know naturally by me simply even saying that it offended some people that they logged off, that they stopped listening, that they tuned me out. Maybe they tuned me out when I mentioned mental health at that point. And that's what we got to get to, is we have to break the stigma of mental health of our life. Here's what I found when somebody's like, hey, I have this goal, but I'm not ready yet. And they really, really, really have a desire, especially when it's related to increasing your income. Because what I show people how to do is how to make 10,000, 20,000, 30,000, $40,000 a month. Most people procrastinate on doing income increasing activities when they need to work on their mental health, their personal beliefs, their personal development more than anything else. It's the number one area of their life. They actually don't have to move things around like they think they do. See, because here's what I hear a lot of people say, Jeremiah, I'm not ready yet. I'm setting the foundations. I'm moving some things around. I'm making room in my life to be able to move forward with this. But the truth is, like, they don't actually do anything. That's just an excuse that they tell themselves. That's just this thing that they say that they've been trained to say to basically not do anything, to basically procrastinate, to put off their goals. And so whenever I end up following up with those people a year or two or three down the line, they haven't done anything yet. They haven't moved forward. They haven't moved any of the chess pieces around in their life. They haven't made anything a priority. And they say the same thing. I'm figuring things out, Jeremiah, I'm gonna move forward. I'm gonna eventually get started with you. I'm going to eventually start a business. I'm going to eventually put an offer out there. I'm going to eventually coach with you. And this is why I mentioned the stigma of mental health. It has more often to do with their mental state, their mental health, their beliefs about themselves, about what they're capable of you're more capable than you imagine that you can even think of to accomplish great things in the next six to 12 months. I've seen it in my life. I've seen it in my mom's life, I've seen it in my successful clients lives. And yet I more often than not hear people. And it makes me sad because a year, two, five, year. I know somebody who, he's been telling me for 10 years, Jeremiah, I'm getting some stuff in order. I'm gonna get started building my business once I figure some things out, literally, like that script that people use. I'm trying to figure out my finances. I'm trying to figure like, what would help them the most. Again, if that's you, who maybe you, you're like, he's talking about me. Here's, here's the unfortunate part about this. If you're still listening to this podcast right now, and that has been you, I want to encourage and congratulate you because you didn't shut down, you didn't stop listening because you felt like you had to be on the defense. And that's what ends up happening, is most people end up getting on the defense. They end up defending and trying to prove why they don't need mental health help, why they don't need to work on their mindset, why it has nothing to do with their belief systems, why it's a million and ten other things that are going on around them, why it's other people's reasons why they can't get started and they end up just procrastinating for years and years and years because they've stigmatized the very thing that's going to actually get them a breakthrough, and they've stigmatized it for years and years and years. There's a, there's a guy, man, he has so much potential. I, I'm not going to name him by name or anything, but I just, I, I've been in the coaching industry for so long. I've been around all the stories, all the people, all the excuses, all the reasons that people give why they can't move forward. And then, and yet I've seen people with those same reasons, those same excuses make millions of dollars. And so what's the difference between those people? It's the people who commit to their own personal growth, their own personal development, and they destigmatize mental health. They destigmatize. They stop trying to defend themselves, they stop trying to prove that they have it all together. They get out of a defensive position and they get into a teachable position that says, huh, Maybe I've been making this excuse for too long. Maybe, just maybe, I want to learn what I don't know right now. I want to learn what I got blinders on in my life right now. What does Jeremiah have to say? And maybe, I don't know right now that might help me move the needle forward. That might help me progress just a little bit, one step further than I am right now. And listen again. This podcast is a great resource for that. I have put this together. I stay faithful to listen. I'm committed. 201 episodes. Haven't missed a single week in 201 weeks. Come on, you can't tell me I'm not committed to your success. And I put these out there for free. If you listen through my podcast, you know, these aren't a sales pitch. They're not. They're. They're me going in the trenches with you to help you break past what's limiting you, what's stopping you, and what's holding you back. Because I know the potential that people that listen to this podcast have. I know the potential that humans have to do great things, to do hard things, to break past their limitations, and to not let what they're experiencing stop them from their goals. I've learned so much about myself in the last couple of weeks with having a newborn baby, as to my capacity to be more disciplined, to prioritize my time, better to actually take less time to do things and to make sure to only do what's important and to set boundaries and to say, no, I can't do this. Yes, I can do this. Many times the reasons why people are stuck is because they're giving up too much of themselves to other people, and they're not taking care of themselves, and they're not making themselves a priority. And. And they haven't answered this one question in years. What do I want? What do I want? You know, my wife and I just had a talk. We were feeding our baby, and we just had a talk right now, about 15 minutes ago. What do we want with our life? How do we want to design our week? How do we want to design the next month of our life? What do we want to do? And what do we want to choose not to do in our life? And so we were able to put together a plan of, okay, we're gonna. We're gonna take this on right here. I got some people right here that are feeling uncomfortable about me filming, so I'm gonna go a different direction. I can usually tell, like, when I'm making a podcast that, like, there's a whole family and their kids, and I can tell, like, they. They're afraid that I'm filming them and that I'm gonna put their kids on the Internet, and so I just walk in a different direction if I feel like somebody is a little nervous around me filming. That's why I went this way. What ends up happening is we end up making other people's feelings a priority and never answering this question for ourselves. What do I want? When is the last time that you answer that for yourself? There's a number of people who I meet on a regular basis. They don't know their goals. They haven't sat down. They've been in survival mode for so long. If you've been in survival mode for so long, caring for other people, making yourself the last priority in your life, if that's you. If you've been making your. Yourself the last priority in your life and you have not allowed yourself to express to you what you want, that's generally tied to a mental health issue because. Because you are making other people's feelings more important than you. Now, obviously, this was actually a great example of that. Like this. This family in my neighborhood, they don't. They don't know who I am. They don't know if I'm, like, doing an expose on families with their kids or something like that for 60 minutes, you know? And so I don't want to cause a conflict by making it an issue that isn't there. And plus, I end up feeling a little bit uncomfortable doing that. So what I'm doing is, what do I want? I want to operate in my power. So I'm going to walk a different way. I'm going to walk around a different direction. I'm going to walk around a different street because I want to make sure. Why do I walk around when I do these podcasts? Because it actually helps me think better. It actually helps me process my ideas. Sometimes I get stuck trying to explain to you guys on the podcast my ideas, and I get stuck sitting in a chair, not moving my body. And so by me going for a walk around my neighborhood, I'm able to actually get my thoughts flowing. I'm able to actually get my thoughts out. I'm able to actually get these ideas out. Some of you might be like, well, Jeremiah, that's distracting. I don't like it when you walk around. I don't like when you do this. And so what I've had to do Again for me is prioritize my time. What do I want? What do I want to accomplish? What life am I creating for myself? How can I show up for my clients as the best version of myself? And what that is, is it's usually me filming while I'm walking around in my neighborhood. It's usually me recording while I'm going for a walk like this. Okay, so when's the last time that you've asked yourself, what do I want? When's the last time that you've answered that for yourself? What. What do I really want in my life? What am I sacrificing for other people? And can you start saying no more often to what other people demand of you and start saying yes more often to yourself, your family, your future? Or maybe you have demands from one side of your family and you're like, I gotta say no to that. It's okay. Like, if you got people in your life demanding your time, your family, your spouse, people at your church, there's some of you, you've. You felt, like, guilty, like, I can't say no to certain people in my life, that when this person demands of me that I obey and submit and do whatever they say, and they're the reason why I can't build my business. They're the reason why you might need to have a conversation with that person and say, hey, listen, this worked out before. That way. Now it's not. Now it's not working out as much. You know, if you're, if you have made a commitment for 10 years to serve at a church or, or at a job, and now you're wanting to build a business, you're going to have to prioritize and move around your life. Your decisions, when you show up, where you show up, how you show up, how people get access to you is going to change over time. And the reason why we don't do this is usually related to our mental health. It gets stigmatized so much. Mental health gets stigmatized so often. See, we don't realize that me saying no to Sister Margaret at the church, that I can't show up every Saturday just because I have for the last 10 years. That's an example, right? And that now I'm moving into a new season, and then maybe we end up having people in our life that guilt us for expressing what we want, and they try to make us feel guilty. It's tied to our mental health that we end up people pleasing, that we end up sacrificing what we want for other people. And that we end up having a hard time starting to do what we want to do because we feel obligated to what everybody else around us tells us that they need us to do. And so I want you to take a look in your life. What do you want? If you could wave a magic wand and nobody would get pissed off, here's the truth. People are gonna get pissed off. When you start designing your life how you want, people are going to actually, like, not like it. Like, they are going to express disappointment and possibly resentment and anger towards you. If you're somebody who is living your life trying to avoid other people's anger, resentment, and disappointment, you are sacrificing yourself for other people. And you are not living your life based on how you want to. And then you end up excusing it as well. I'm just trying to get some stuff together. I'm trying to figure out my priorities. When the decisions that you have to make are actually painful, when the decisions that you have to make to move forward are actually, it's gonna hurt like ripping a band aid off, but you gotta do it, and you've been procrastinating it for too long. You know, this is where people get stuck. This is why they procrastinate, is we have this framework, we have this system in our life. We have this way that we've lived our life for so long that to do something different, that to join a coaching program, that to make time in our schedule to learn, to listen to a podcast, to learn new skills, to start to build a funnel in our business seems impossible because of all the things that we have going on, all the stuff that we have to do. And so that's why we have to be intentional instead of letting our life control us, instead of letting how everything has happen to us to decide for us what we can do. We get to design our life and we get to say, you know what? I don't want to do that on Saturdays anymore. I'm going to spend that time learning how to grow my business and not feeling guilty, not feeling like you're a bad person for reprioritizing and moving things around. Now, listen, I know as I say this, there's going to be some of you, I'm going to lose some people, you're going to lose respect for me just because I said that you're to going going to lose respect for me for saying that maybe you need to stop doing some of the things that you've been doing for so long for other people. And truthfully, the reason why we often have a struggle doing that is because we expect other people to do so much for us, and we rely so much on other people that it would pain us if those people that we relied on told us that they couldn't help us. And so then we don't say no. We don't set boundaries with others because we've created this life that is codependent, where we're dependent on others and they're dependent on us. And for us to move some things around just becomes way too difficult mentally to deal with. The conversations, the hard conversations, maybe the conflict, maybe the resentment, maybe the hatred. And so that's why for you to grow, for you to reach those goals that you have in your life, you're going to have to do hard things, you're going to have to make difficult decisions. You're going to have to step and put yourself into possibly some difficult and painful situations. And this is why people get stuck in these patterns for like 5 to 10 years. Not doing that and saying that they can't build a business, that they can't start learning new skills. It only takes about 90 days to start creating a coaching business that makes a hundred thousand dollars a year. And yet people put it off for five to 10 years because they're just afraid to have those tough conversations. They're just afraid to move some things around in their life. They're just afraid to confront the real issue. And they end up living so much in the comfort zone of what they know, what they're used to, and not challenging how they've always done some things, that they refuse to move some things around, that they refuse to prioritize things a little bit differently, that they refuse to let people down. You have to start disappointing people in your life. This year I've had people argue with me on this one because they're like, well, I don't want nobody to disappoint me. I expect other people to do their expectations. I expect people to do what I expect of them. And that standard is what you're also holding over yourself, that you don't want to disappoint other people, that you always meet everybody's expectations. You might need to renegotiate your expectations. You might need to renegotiate what other people expect of you. And I want you to realize this. You get to decide what type of life you want. You get to decide what you do for other people just because somebody tries to convince you. And. And they might use intimidation, coercion, they might even threaten you. And I'M sorry if they do. I've had people threaten me to fulfill obligations that they feel that I owed them. I have had people physically threaten me with violence to fulfill what they believed that I was obligated to do for them. And truthfully, when it all came down to it, there was no obligation there. Now, listen, I would say be a person of your word, honor your word. If you've made a commitment, promise something, do that. But sometimes there's necessary endings. Sometimes there are times where we need to sunset and end certain relationships, certain commitments to where it doesn't have to go forever. You're not a prison for the next five to 10 years of what everybody else tells you that you need to do simply because they benefited for the last five to 10 years because you submitted to their demands. And that is going to be one of the biggest breakthroughs for some of you that's going to change your life. When you learn that just because you've always done something one way doesn't mean that you have to always do it that way moving forward. When you learn that you have the power to create, design, dictate and decide your life and that other people don't actually have that power over you, if they do, it's only because you've given it to them and you can take it back. And it's not a bad thing to take back that power. You get to decide to create and design the life you've always dreamed of. And so this is why this. One of the biggest reasons why people struggle to design their life is mental health, is because there's beliefs, there's experiences, there's pain, there's trauma, there's things that we don't want to repeat, there's painful situations that we don't want to happen again. If you got. If you're somebody who got physically threatened by somebody to fulfill obligations, you would try to avoid getting threatened by submitting to everything people demand of you. And that's what I used to do. I used to always submit to every demand people would have of me because, quite frankly, I was terrified of being threatened by people like what I had experienced. And I had to realize that by healing, I was actually attracting that type of behavior from people. Not that I deserved it, but I was attracting it because I was so afraid of it that I was actually putting myself into situations with people that that type of energy would come at me and I would end up repeating the same familiar patterns year after year after year after year again and again and again and again, over and over and over again, these painful situations that I didn't want to experience. And it was when I made my mental health a priority, working with a therapist, you might say, I can't afford a therapist. There's a website called seven cups dot com. It's free. You can talk with people about your mental health. You can talk about what you're feeling. Every feeling has a belief behind it that comes from an experience that you had. And when you can identify what that belief is, you can rewire your life. You can rewire your brain. Even if you're 60, 70, 80 years old, you can rewire if you're like, man, I'm always struggling to do what I say I'm going to do. I've always struggled to build a coaching business. This might be that unlock for you to start to do some of those things that you struggle with for years. And it starts by, we have to destigmatize mental health and we have to heal what tried to break us, what tried to stop us. You can design your life. I truly believe it. And if you're somebody that wants to know, how do I make six figures as a coach? How do I make six figures as a course creator? I'm here to help guide you every step of the way with this podcast, with my events that I do, and with our coaching program to help you get the results that you want in your life, in your business. You don't have to accept just the default setting that's been handed to you in life. You can create the life you want, grow your life, everybody, and we'll talk soon. Have a good one.