234: Unwiring Approval-Seeking Mindsets for Success - #GrowYourLife

Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremiah Krakowski and I've been doing this podcast for a couple years now. The intention is to help coaches, mentors, trainers, thought leaders and authors make more money in their businesses. I've personally built seven different seven figure mentorship and coaching businesses. Three of those businesses hit eight figures. And now I'm passing on my lessons to you of everything, of what's working and what works and what you need to do to get results in your business. Listen, I'm not the best, most polished speaker. I'm not perfect at anything that I do, but I got information that's going to help you, and that's what this podcast is. So you're going to get the most authentic version of me on here. Today I want to talk about being self assured and being sure of yourself. And it's funny because this is a lesson that I've had to learn recently that I think if I had learned it sooner, man, it would have. I would have made way more money. I'm still processing through some of these lessons, but I'm going to share some stuff that I know is going to help you a lot, which is awesome. So last week I did a live webinar and a guy came on and, you know, whether he meant it or not, he was scrutinizing my results. He was scrutinizing our numbers that I claimed, quote, unquote. And, and I felt put on the spot. And I realized, you know what, first off, if I look back at my track record, if I look back at what I've done, of what I've accomplished, I got no reason to second guess myself or question, can I help people? And does my system work? And it's not just that it works for me, but we have literally thousands of our clients have made six figures. We have hundreds that have made seven figures over the years that we've coached, that we've worked with. And that's, that's a result of the systems that we teach people every single week. And yet there are still people who come into my space and they say, jeremiah, what you teach doesn't work, by the way. They haven't actually tried it, they've never applied it, they've never gone through a training, they've never tried to do what I teach. But they're just assuming, or they say, jeremiah, you're not. I asked me the other day, you're not qualified to teach. Somebody took a look at my backdrop. They said, you're in a teenager's bedroom, acting like a child. You got no business credibility. And I'm like, you know, if I let others opinions affect me, I wouldn't be able to build a business. Our business in the last year has done over a million dollars in my business. And I wouldn't have reached that level worrying what anybody thinks about me, concerned with, am I being approved of? Are other people approving of me? Are they liking me? Are they, are they agreeing with my truth? And it's not subjective truth, it's the actual truth. But to them the truth is not true because they somehow can't see it. People literally can't see that somebody who has a backdrop with video games behind them could ever have business credibility. And that's okay. And it's not my job to convince that person that I should. It's not my job to convince or prove somebody who's trying to scrutinize my numbers if I'm legit or not. And see, this is the thinking that you gotta get as a mentor and coach. See, we think if only I can prove to people, then they'll do business with me. No, no, no, no. It's the opposite. Give up, let go of, stop trying to prove yourself of anybody and be self assured. Believe in yourself, regardless of who agrees with you, who thinks it's true, who tries to knock you down, who's negative about it, who tells you that you can't. You know, I had, I, I had for the longest time, people, they would, they would come in and they would tell me that the fact that I wouldn't go into business with them for a percentage of their sales proved that I didn't know what I was doing. No, it just proves that I have respect and boundaries for myself and my business. And so there will always be people. No matter how much good you do, no matter how many people you help that are going to be negative, that are going to not agree with what you're talking about, that are going to try to get you to second guess yourself because they, they don't see how it's possible and you don't fit into the tiny little box of life that they have convinced themselves that reality operates in. That's really what it is, is, is that they have a version of reality and you are so outside of that reality that they're like, yeah, can't be real, can't be true. And so I want you to think about that when imposter syndrome comes in. Imposter syndrome affects everybody, has nothing to do with your results, track record, or credibility whatsoever has everything to do much do with how much you believe in yourself. You might say, well, Jeremiah, I want to be humble. I don't want to be arrogant. I don't want to assume I know everything about everything. I hear this from people all the time. Like, we're so concerned with looking right to people, fitting into the box of what people say we should do, that we legitimately detach our business, our thinking, our creativity from what actually produces results. See, why am I harping on this so much right now? Why does this matter that I took a whole podcast to talk about? It has everything to do with your success, as everything to do with your ability to actually make the finances that you want is to in the face of scrutiny, negativity, and even people listen. People are good talkers. They're good gaslighters. I had a lady a couple months ago, I mean, she, she almost got me to not believe in myself because of how well she understood how to break people down to fit into her box. There are people who literally get off on breaking you down order to get you to not believe in yourself. You might say, oh, that sounds terrible. As a mentor and as a coach, you are going to come face to face with those people no matter how much good you're doing, no matter how much results you have. And they, they literally get a high off of getting you to no longer feel confident in yourself. There's a whole group of people out there. It's just like I don't even understand them, but they exist. And if you're not careful and if you're dealing with certain traumas, if you're dealing with certain unhealed parts of you that are seeking validation as I was, that are seeking approval from others as I was, it might trip you up, it might knock you up, it might get you to second guess yourself temporarily. And I can tell you, listen, anytime that I've ever second guessed myself, I unwisely took way too long to consider. Is what this person is saying about me true? Is what there. Is there any truth behind their criticism? Listen, I'm all for feedback that helps us grow from chosen voices in our lives that we have asked for their opinion. But we got to stop listening to all the negative naysayers and trying to get other people to validate our worth and just come to the table with self assurance, believing in yourself, regardless of if anybody agrees with you, regardless of if anybody even thinks it's true, I can say this is one of the number one areas of success in my life. And by the way, every single time that I believed in myself in these areas, it was true. But I had people telling me, Jeremiah, there's no flipping way. There's no way. I have had people my whole life telling me, there's no way you should just give up, you should just stay in your lane. You know, these ways that people, they fit, sometimes they think they're helping I, sometimes they think they're helping other people from not getting scammed. I've actually, I had somebody tell me that they're like, jeremiah, I want you to not believe in yourself so you don't scam others. I'm like, what the heck? They, they literally get off on taking on responsibility for other people's emotions, opinions. And it's just, it's crazy, like the levels that people go to in this industry to try to invalidate other people. And so that's why I say this, like, you gotta let go of other people's opinions. You gotta let go of trying to get people to agree with you. You gotta let go of trying to make people like you, make people see your worth and just help the people that love you. Just focus on the ones that love connecting with you. Focus on the ones that see your worth. Focus on the ones that truly resonate with your message. Instead of trying to convince people that they should resonate with your message, connect with the ones that do. Already you might say, well, nobody's connected with my message. They're all negative. Listen, that was the case when I started. It was, but it started. The root was my own internal self talk, self belief and not believing in myself. I even had some twisted religious teaching that was telling me that to be self assured meant that I wasn't trusting in God. What a load of crock. Like craziness. Absolutely craziness. And I can tell you this, to this day, I've met every single financially successful person that I know. They have a level of self assurance that goes beyond what society says is normal. They believe in themselves. I did a study for a while on behavior of narcissists. And one of the behaviors that sometimes people say is, and this is the key, an over inflated sense of self. But see, here's the thing. A narcissist is looking for validation from others to prove their over inflated sense of self. Here's the difference that I'm talking about. You don't need anybody to approve of you. You don't need to make anybody approve of you. You don't need to prove yourself to anybody. And I, and I truly actually Believe that that's a foundation that humility comes from. It is. I believe in myself so much that I don't need you to agree with me. I'm willing to learn from any source. Of course. I mean, my goodness, I would, I would not be the man I am today if I wasn't willing to learn from a wide range of people. But negativity, trying to grind you down in your self belief, that is, that is a game that I do not engage with. And the crazy part is the people that try to get you to play that game, they're going to try to convince you that to not engage with them means that you are fraudulent, bad, wrong in some way, whatever, because they have a belief. Truly what I found is these people that are like that, they have an over inflated sense of their own opinion. Let's get real here. The people that are going to try to grind you down like that, they believe that their opinion is greater than your truth and that you must come into alignment and validate their opinion. That is actually by definition narcissistic, abusive behavior. Interesting that as mentors and coaches that we actually come up against this with people where people actually start to project. And these people, I'm like, goodness, like I meet them all the time, I'm like, I can't help them, I'm not able to. But I'm not even gonna try to figure them out at that point. They never become a client. I've never had any of those types of people pay me money or become a client. But I, but I run into them often online and, and so what I've learned is it's like, don't play their game. Believe in yourself so much that no matter who tries to tell you that you don't measure up, it doesn't matter. It doesn't even phase you. You don't even have to be condescending about it. That's the next level of growth. You don't need to defend yourself. That's the next level of growth. You don't need to prove yourself. That's the next level of growth. And that's where I've, that's where I'm at today. You know, now when somebody's like that, I asked them with curiosity, hey, you know, is there anything in the, in the training that you did like that I shared? If they're being so negative, right. You know, but coming from a place of, I fully believe in myself regardless of what anybody says, regardless of what anybody thinks, that's where financial success flows from. That's where the ability to create content without having to map it out and plan it out for weeks at a time comes from. As I know, like for this, for this podcast, I had like a few talking points I want to talk about, but I'm just flowing intuitively while I'm talking right now in front of the camera. I'm just, I. I'm like, I'm having a conversation with my group. I'm just sharing. I didn't spend hours mapping out what I'm talking about right now. I just pressed record on a Sunday afternoon and here we are. Why? Because I believe in my message so much that I don't need it to be perfect. I don't need to say everything perfect. I don't need to sound perfect. I had somebody say so does that. I had somebody try to tell me that by being that way it means that I have no respect for my clients. I have no respect for other people because I'm not willing to put my best foot forward. My goodness, what kind of ridiculous messaging to try to invalidate people. People hurl. What kind of crazy gatekeeping BS is tossed around in the coaching industry? It's insanity to me. Get rich, make money. I had saw somebody the other day say if you're using chat GPT in your coaching business, you're a fraud. Well, goodness. Been using it for two years. Our clients are making a ton of money like I don't care, period. And I want to see people getting results, producing results. Your success in business starts with believing in yourself, regardless of who in your life is trying to tell you that you shouldn't, that you're not good enough yet, that you're not qualified as you haven't reached a certain level of case studies or results to be able to do the thing that you want to do. I say phooey with that. Believe in yourself. Your level of self belief and your income are directly correlated to each other. I stand by that more than anything else. I heard that a year and a half ago and it's funny, I had people try to tell me it's not true. It's so true. It's absolutely true. When you believe in yourself and you stop seeking validation from others, you stop seeking approval from other people, you stop trying to get people to believe in you and you believe in you regardless of others opinions of you. Listen, I'm shaking the paradigm of what you might have been taught your whole life. There are some of you, you might be listening to this right now and you might say Jeremiah, yeah, but XYZ situation. I'm not talking about other people. I'm talking about you right now. Because I want to see you succeed financially. Stop fighting for your excuses, stop fighting for your reasons why you can't do this, and start realizing that this is what separates those who are financially successful from those who are not. I want to see you succeed. And this way of thinking will change everything for you. But you're gonna have to challenge why you don't think this way. It's gonna start by challenging what beliefs are underneath the surface. Podcasts like this can only get you so far. It goes way deeper than just the surface level. Like, oh, yeah, that's a great podcast. But like, it goes into the core of how you operate in all areas of your life. And when you start looking at and you start observing all the areas where you don't believe in yourself and you're waiting for other people to tell you that you're good enough and to give you permission and to approve of you, and you start seeing that pleasing others and quote, unquote, doing the right thing, what you should, according to what everybody else tells you that you should do to get a stamp of approval from other people as your driving motivator for action in your life. You will start to see how this way of thinking has a grip on your mind and has a grip on everything that you do. And then you can start to unwire it and you can start to rewire it, and you can start to make the changes that are necessary to start to grow in your life and create the kind of business that you want. Listen, I believe in you and I believe that it is possible for you to do this. You may be listening to this right now and you may be thinking, it is impossible for me. It is not. Take a look at, where did this thinking first come in? If I make everybody like me and approve of me and I do all the right things, then I will be safe. Then things will go how they should. That's the root. That's the root. Realize success comes by taking risk without knowing how something's going to turn out and learning to regulate yourself to where you're not panicked or in a state of total chaos and confusion while doing so. That you start to embrace the process without knowing the outcome, without predicting the outcome. That's where success comes from. And that starts with believing in yourself. That starts with saying, you know what? Regardless of who tries to get me to second guess myself, I will not and I will continue to create the life that I want, no matter who tries to stop me. You know, I've had people go as far as in my life to tell me, jeremiah, your message is dangerous and I'm going to try to stop you from reaching other people with it. I've had people tell me that they will make it their life mission to prevent me from reaching other people with my message and they've actually gone as far as to actually go to influential people and tell them to not interview me, to not put me on their podcast, to not talk to me, that I'm dangerous and I'm not a good person to work with people that I've never even worked with but that have made assumptions about what I've said but what I mean, my intentions and I still continue to do to this day without fear, without worry, without trying to manage, maintain or control what other people think about me. And that's what I want to encourage you to do as well. Grow your life, everybody, and we'll talk soon. Have a good one.