241: Art of Ignoring Negativity - #GrowYourLife

Hello. What is up, everybody? Welcome to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremiah Krakowski. On this podcast we talk about ways that coaches, trainers and mentors can grow and scale their business successfully online, and strategies both for your mindset as well as practical ways. And so let's dive into that right now. Today I want to talk about something that has been affecting me. I find it affects my clients often. And it's this notion that, you know, everything that we do needs to be up to a certain standard that other people expect of us and that the opinions of other people sway us to and fro constantly. Let me just give you an example of this. You know, I made a post on social media the other day that I think was very valuable, and I got a feedback from it that the person believed that they found the biggest scammer in the entire industry. That I, that I, Jeremiah Krakowski, am the biggest scammer that exists in the entire coaching industry. What I said is that you're selling the promise, not just necessarily your methodology, that the hook that you use to actually market to people has nothing to do with your track record, what you know, what you understand. It has everything to do with your ability to sell, persuade, and frame it in a way that people desire. Okay? Now what you're doing is you want to frame something in your offer that is the answer to everything they've been praying for that leads them to the framework that you sell. That is what produces positive results. And so somebody said that, well, that defines me as a scammer. I've gotten negative feedback from, from people for years about what I do in business, that I should stop, that I should stay in my lane, that I should stop doing what I'm doing, that I'm not qualified enough. The list goes on. And it used to bother me. It used to get in my head. Can't let it get in your head. You can't let it bother you. You can't let it affect you when people get angry with you, get upset with you, write you nasty letters telling you how horrible you are. I'm serious. And some of you might say, well, no, I would never experience that because I would just do everything right. And they would never do that. That's. That's cute. That maybe you think that you can never do anything right enough to avoid people being that way, because that is a human thing that crazy people will do, especially the coaches and mentors, is they will find their self validation for their own insecurities by putting you down, by being negative. No matter how much integrity you have. And so realize that it's best to go out there and just do whatever you want to do that feels best to you and stop being afraid of what other people think about you and how they're going to judge you and what they might misjudge about you. As far as this goes, this is one of the biggest areas that I find that a lot of beginning coaches and mentors, a lot of people even in my coaching group deal with, is they're so cautious and careful to make sure that they do everything right by everybody around them so that nobody can say anything negative about them. And I'm sorry, but that is impossible. You could never do anything right enough in this business of coaching, training and mentoring. And even as I'm saying this, some of you are either getting triggered, you're disagreeing, you're angry that I'm even saying this, or you're scared. Understand that all of those emotions are normal and realize that I'm here. Saying something that you're probably not going to hear on most podcasts is that you are going to piss people off when you start to reach a certain level of success in your business. All of my clients tell me that once they start actually making an impact with their webinars and they start attracting more people, they get very negative, nasty feedback from people about just how disappointed and upset people are in the lack of, like, whatever they did that they expected and that the person didn't fulfill it for them. And you can't let that get in your head or it will get in your head. This is an area that I've had to work on with my therapist. I'm still working on, I'm still even struggling in this area sometimes. I'm not coming to you today as somebody who has it all together. I'm coming to you today as somebody who. And even by me saying that some of you, some people believe, well, if you don't have it all together, then you got no right to talk on that topic. That's insanity to me. It's insane that we have a culture that tries to silence people, that would try to silence me from telling you the truth because it's something that I'm still working through myself. Isn't that nuts? And yet that is the society that we live in today that has these religious, academia based, rigid standards of perfection that it forces on people, and that if you don't fall in line with all of those standards of perfection, well, you're trash. And you might as well just not even do anything. And that's what society will try to beat into your head, will try to tell you. We'll try to convince you. Truth is, you're not going to please everybody. You're not going to make everybody happy. Focus in on the ones who love you, who love your content, who love how you're connecting with them and stop worrying about trying to get the ones who don't to be convinced about you. They're not even convinced themselves about themselves and that's why they got to rip you down. And so understand that and don't make it be this thing. I see it happen so often. This, it makes me sad. Great coaches that with a great message stay silent and don't grow their business because they think that they're not good enough, while less skilled coaches make millions because they are willing to put themselves out there and not worry about what other people think think about them. It's incredible to me and I, and I think that if you're listening to this right now, you might fall into that category that you might be somebody who's greatly skilled, who has a great message to share with people, and yet you let the opinions or potential opinions that you're trying to avoid happening from other people stop you from putting yourself out there. We cannot let what might not go our way, quote, unquote, somebody being super negative about you and ripping into you and saying that you're not qualified and you should just quit your business. That's not something anybody wants somebody to tell them. And yet trying to avoid and control people so they don't say those things to us is literally a recipe for total disaster and will stop you from being successful in your business. Business. And so if you are a coach, you're a mentor, you're a trainer, and you want to be successful, you're going to have to work through not letting people and what they say and what they demand and their expectations and their disappointment be tools of manipulation to make you change your personality, your message and how you show up. And you trying to be so perfect by everybody's requirements of you, you'll go nuts if you try to do that. I've tried, Trust me. How do I. I'm talking from experience. I have tried and it made me feel like I was going nuts. It's not possible to make everybody be your biggest fan. It's just not. And so in this business, in the coaching business, if you want to make money, focus in on the people that you can help the most. Ignore the ones who are the haters. Stop Trying to convince people that dislike you, that don't like how the way you do things, that think that you're not good enough, have a foothold on your brain and your decision making process. I had people for years come to me and tell me that I had had no right to ever think that I could coach somebody and that it was appalling that I even thought that I had anything of value to share with people and that it was disgusting to them even seeing me try. I had people come to me and tell me that constantly for a long time. And yet I still continued resiliently no matter what anybody said. Was it hard? Of course. Having people come to you and tell you that not only should you stop, but that you discussed them? It's hard. Absolutely is. Every time that I suffered, I submitted to the version of my life that they wanted me to live. To the version of how I should be coaching people, to the version of how they thought that I should be building my business. And it led to suffering for me. And anytime that I've thrived, I threw all of that out the window, said I do not care what any of them say, I'm gonna do what I want to do because I know that I'm called to do this and it excites me and I know that I can help people. Am I perfect at it? No, of course not. I fail all the time. But I'm getting better. I'm improving. I have people to this day. They write me emails telling me how horrible of a coach I am. I just appalled they are that I think that I have anything to share. I still get those emails. Doesn't stop me. Last year we built a multi million dollar business and so realize that no matter what track record you have, people will still do that. No matter how much results you produced, people will still do that. See, I meet a lot of people. They're trying to avoid that from happening. They're trying to avoid people from thinking those things about them and saying them. They're gonna say it no matter what. They're gonna say it no matter what you've done or will do. So why are you wasting your time trying to avoid a possible fictional scenario that is only gonna end up eventually happening anyways when you gain traction. It's like this crazy mind bender that I see. People hold them back from marketing their business powerfully because they, they, they don't want people to be disappointed in them. They don't want people to be upset with them. They don't want people to be angry with You. You will not ever be able to do everything right enough ever by some people. Because some people just get their kicks off in kicking other people down. No matter how great you are, and so own your greatness, step into your greatness and stop trying to manage what other people say or think about you. You're never going to please everybody, but you will make a ton of money in your business when you stop worrying about what they think. Absolutely. I believe that you can be successful as a coach and as a mentor. You do not need to be the world's greatest success to finally be qualified enough to put yourself out there. You just need to know a little bit more than somebody else about a specific topic and help lead somebody to that result, period. And I guarantee you, if you've been on planet Earth for more than 25 years, literally, some people say that if you're 25, you got no right to coach. Gosh, people told me that for five years when I was 30. They're like, you're too young to coach. I'm like, shut up. Literally, shut. Not something that I am going to change what I'm doing and how I'm building my business and where I'm going. Not going to. But I let it stop me for a long time and I let it prevent me from putting myself out there. I didn't launch my program because I was terrified of those people. Guess what? They just got worse when I launched everything. It's true. Nothing. Nothing's ever gonna change that. I've just had to learn to literally not give any care or heed to such feedback. Feedback is great. I love getting feedback feedback. But there is a type of feedback that is dark criticism. I guess that's how I would describe it. It's a very, like. It's very dark, negative, like, almost like it's kind of like chokes you out a little bit. And I have no tolerance for that. I know I won't be rude to the person. I'm not even gonna. I mean, generally, I'm not gonna. I'm not going to tell them off. It's not my personality to do that. But I will gladly ignore them and not communicate with them or try to convince them or make a connection. I'm not trying to connect with that person. I got something else going on in their life. It's not my job to change that. So. All right. So I want this to encourage you no matter what stage you're at. I meet so many coaches, trainers, and mentors and they tell me, I feel like I'M not good enough. I feel like I'm not good enough yet to be able to put my stuff out there, to be able to make the kind of money that I want to make. And it's, it's sad that people feel that way. It's sad that they might have 40 years experience mentoring people, but because they don't have the perfect testimony, they hold themselves back. That's a choice and that's a mindset issue more than a strategy issue. Anybody can learn to sell, anybody can learn to be persuasive. But if you hold yourself back because of others opinions, because you're trying to self protect or you justify it under being a spirit of excellence, that's another side of it. Could be haughtiness, could be pride that you're dealing with, could be that you won't lower yourself to that level of whatever and that you feel self righteous and better than everybody else because you're not going to do that. Oh my gosh, that's even worse. That's a whole other topic. Talk about that in another episode. I find both end up stopping people. Haughtiness, self righteousness, pride or worry and fear that people are gonna hurt them, are gonna dislike them, are gonna be disappointed. You might have a pro, you might have a pride issue in the fact that you don't disappoint people. A self righteous air about you that you always please everybody. Gosh, I've met coaches that have that one. They argue with me on this topic that I'm talking about. They, they get very angry about what I've just shared. And yet are they making seven figures in their business? No, they're not. I don't mean that to be arrogant at all, but I wouldn't want to make as much money as they are. I'm much happier with my bankroll than somebody who thinks the way that these dark critics think, these hecklers, these people who always have a reason and an opinion why you shouldn't be doing the things that you're doing. They come out of the woodwork every month for me when I'm marketing my business. Especially when you go out there in public constantly. They send me bullet bulleted lists as to all the things I did wrong by them in my training. And that Jeremiah, if you just fix these, you'd actually make some money. If you just fix these, you'd actually be a legit coach. Goodness. And do I consider some of that feedback? Sure. But nine times out of ten I've considered it. And listen, I've been in this business for 20 years. I'm at the point now, like, it is very rare that I get feedback that, like, makes me change anything now, because people haven't seen what I've seen. They haven't gone through what I've gone through. They don't have my story. So learn from me. You don't need to arrive, quote, unquote, by the way, I've not arrived. You don't need to reach some level of success to finally earn the right to be able to do this. You can do this from day one. And I would recommend you do do this from day one. Absolutely. Had somebody last night tell me, Jeremiah, gosh, you're encouraging people who can't produce results for their clients to market their business. I'm encouraging people who are beginners to get better at their craft instead of holding back because of some arbitrary gatekeeper that tells them that they're not good enough until they jump through 10 hoops. And I will always be a voice for that. All right? I believe that coaches change the world. Mentors change the world. Your business can change the world. Your business can improve people's lives and make their lives better. You can make a whole ton of money doing so. Whole bunch of money doing so. But we got to stop worrying what everybody thinks about us. You will make way more money that way. All right, everybody, grow your life if this has helped you share it with somebody. If you hate me, write me some hate mail. I don't care. We'll talk soon. Have a good one.