244: Dealing with Toxic, Negative People & Haters - #GrowYourLife

Hey, what's up, everybody? Thanks for listening to the Grow youw Life podcast. I'm trying something brand new tonight that I've never done before where I'm just gonna. I'm in the deep end of my pool, and I'm just gonna wade water while I do the podcast. I think this is, like, a cool approach on here. So, anyways, thanks for being here. What I want to talk about is dealing with negativity and how, as a coach and mentor, you deal with negativity. It comes in different formats. I probably won't look at the camera, by the way. And so if you're. Again, if you're watching video, you can see me kind of just like, waiting up and down in the pool. Similarly to, like, if I'm on a treadmill or something like that. But anyways, yeah, negativity. In your coaching business, here's the truth. You're gonna deal with it no matter how much integrity you have. Not necessarily your own negativity, but from other people coming at you. And so how do you deal with especially, like, a toxic response or people being really rude or negative with you? And how do you deal with it when it comes from a stranger on social media? And then how do you deal with it when it comes from a paid client? Okay. And so this is kind of a topic it's come up a few times in our group, dealing with people that are disappointed. I talk about one of the number one things that you need to do to be more financially successful as a coach and mentor is become okay with some people being disappointed in you, some people not liking what you're putting out there, people not resonating with it. And some people, their anger and insecurity and things that they're dealing with themselves manifests in hurling negativity at you, usually unsolicited, and things like that. I've had a lot of negativity, sometimes gotten called a scammer, saying that I've never succeeded, have made up all of my track record. Nothing that we've ever done exists that we have the worst offers. By the way, these aren't ever people that have actually bought anything or attended any of our webinars or ever gone through any of my podcast episodes or any of our incredible clients that we have in our coaching program at all. These are just rando people that see our offer on social media and assume what it is or like, somebody's like, you know, you just learned this in a Russell Brunson book last night, and you're trying to pass off as a fake guru with a fake income that's never done anything to help anybody. And I'm just like, my gosh, we've generated millions of dollars in sales for our business. Our clients have generated millions of dollars in sales. We have some of the best success stories ever. I think we have the best coaching program ever for people if they're a coach, mentor, trainer, author, and they want to get more clients online with Facebook ads is that's what we specifically focus on almost exclusively. But then I do teaching in the podcast about things like mindset and things that coaches and mentors deal with. And we give away a lot of incredible, really, really great free content around that. So anyways, the negativity will increase the more success you have, which is like a chicken and egg scenario. Because a lot of people think that once I have success, once I have a certain level of success, people will trust me more. And that's true. Some people will. The ones who are meant to work with you will. But there will also be doubters, haters, people that say that, oh, you've never done that or you can't do that. And we know that success in business, especially in coaching, manifests in a very unique way that isn't always tangible, isn't always monetary, isn't always what you can show, but it can be the internal work. Right? And so that's where sometimes people have trouble with connecting that. And then if you're selling that for like 3,000, 5,000, $10,000, people think that, okay, this is a scam, it's unethical, things like that. So there's those that believe this, There's. There's a brand new documentary on Netflix all about. What is it? The twin flame, I guess, sort of cult coaching program, I don't know. And it was a coaching program that uses the same type of marketing that we do, the same methodologies for getting clients. But they're. It's an expose on Netflix about them being abusive to people and causing all these problems and all these different things. And so that gets in people's heads to where they think that, you know, that's what all coaches are, that's what all mentors are, and that people that do this for a living are all scammers or they're all abusive, or they're all this or they're all that. And, and then that's one of the things that I see that a lot of people, when they come and work with me, they get stuck on, is the judgments that they have towards other people. So the negativity comes because especially a lot of coaches, a lot of mentors or people who get coaching are also very judgmental of other people. They're very harshly critical of all the things that they're doing. And so inherently, it becomes. You attract negativity when you go out there as a coach, a mentor, and you're promising a dream transformation to people. You're promising to create a massive result in their life. That. That it would attract some negativity from people who don't believe that it would work for them or that it. That don't believe that it would turn out well for them, okay? And so these people become very negative because their world view and their narrative and what their story is, they have to validate it to feel okay. They have to validate by hurling anger, negativity, demonizing, villainizing, threatening, you know, actual threats from people verbally. They'll never act on it, they'll never do it, but they'll. They'll get verbal. So the more success you have, the more this happens. That's the. One of the funny things about it, especially in the coaching and digital course business, is that the more success you have, the more resistance of people trying to stop you, of people trying to discredit you, of people you know not believing you. And yet at the same time, your bank account is growing, you're making a ton of money, you're having success, you're impacting lives, you're changing people's lives all over the world. And your clients love you. You have incredible testimonies and stuff that. So that's where, you know, we've hit in our business. And I've gotten to the point now where it doesn't bother me. I don't have to validate myself to anybody who does it. I don't have to prove to them that, oh, I'm right and they're wrong and stuff like that. Even if they're believing lies, I don't have to manage my reputation tightly. And. And we have an incredible reputation with our clients. They love working with us. The results that we produce is incredible. But there are people who are going to assume based on however they filter what you're doing or what you're saying through their lens of understanding. And they have to verbally blast you and try to hurt you with negativity, okay? So that happens. It has more to do with them than anything to do with you. So don't worry about it. Let it go. Don't defend yourself. Just let it go. Let them think whatever they want. You're not going to prove yourself to them. You're not going to change their mind. That's the crazy part about it. Like, I had somebody tonight on my social media telling me all these negative things, that I have no results, that my income is made up, that I'm a fake guru, that I, my offers are terrible. He's never bought anything for me. I'm not gonna somehow, I'm not gonna send him this podcast episode and be like, hey, look, I made a podcast about your negativity. You know, did I, Did I feel tempted to do that? Sure, maybe. But that's a stupid idea because. Because that's only going to further fuel their attention addiction. And that's really what they want. Those people that are super negative that try to hurl all that negativity at you, they just want attention. They just want your attention. And so when you give it to them, it fuels it and it gets worse and worse and worse. And then they sort of feed off of it like a vampire of your energy from the negativity. And so you diffuse it by simply not engaging if they're accusing you of something. I had somebody accusing me of like criminal activity, defrauding people, stuff like that. I will say that is not true, not accurate. We've never done that. And I'll speak the truth, so I'll go on record with the truth, but I'm not going to try to prove it to them, you know, because they'll always need the last laugh and they'll always need the last rebuttal to where they're the last one saying something. And because of that, they'll usually come back with something super negative after you say that. That's usually, that's usually where you can, you can end the conversation and not continue. I'll usually always reply back if somebody's being really negative and nasty. And then I end the conversation there. And so there's that. Just learn to especially like if you're getting started, you might have self doubt. I had an incredible Track record generating eight figures in business multiple times over for the last 20 years, and yet had a lot of insecurity and imposter syndrome because I had people being negative to me and there was a lot of unhealed trauma internally. I had this belief that if people are harshly critical of me that I have to prove them, to prove what's right and to defend myself. And now I don't have to. And so when I kind of, and I worked through that with my therapist, that was a Big thing that actually worked through in therapy was to where that didn't affect me and it used to completely destroy me, where I would be like, somebody would be super negative at me and I would be on the couch for weeks and couldn't like think straight. Now I couldn't care less at all. Now it gets a little bit harder when they are a paid client, when they have come in, when they have really gone through your stuff. Because if somebody has never engaged with you, done business with you, they're just prejudging a book by its cover. Oh my gosh, like not even worth your time of day to engage with at all. It's laughable. Like literally you just laugh it off. When they're a client that can get a little bit trickier. And that's where we do need to take on a little bit of personal responsibility is to how did we attract this client? How did we bring them in? Because if that person is perpetually getting negative, one way that this could be is there's people that they will desire power and they'll give you referrals and they will demand more of you than you're willing to give and then get really angry at you and start hurling negativity when you don't do what they want and they become clients. I've had this happen, especially in the coaching space, especially in the digital course space, because a lot of people think that control is how you have success. Self control is controlling your own thoughts is. But not controlling other people. And so I've had this happen and they've come in my program. This is why I have a 30 day money back guarantee because they usually take me up on it. Like the fact that we guarantee everything for 30 days is like, it's incredible, you know, And I had somebody do this recently and they sent me a really negative, nasty email back just about how I basically am a horrible coach and teacher and my content was no value to them and that I just suck and should just stop being in business and that I have no right being in business and doing what I do. And it actually did bother me for a couple of days. It really did. Till I realized, wow, if I took this person's advice, I'd be as broke as they are. And they're very broke in their business. They're not making a lot of money. That's why they came to me in the first place. And then this person also like had told me, you know, every coach I work with has screwed me over playing the victim. So if you've noticed people are playing the victim up front. Neighbors got their dogs out. If you notice somebody's playing the victim up front, that's somebody to like, really not engage with, not worry about, not worry about what they think. That's somebody that you don't want in your ecosystem. That's somebody that you don't want in your coaching. You want to. That's a red flag. Pay attention to red flags that you around allow around you. And listen, if you grew up like I did around everybody who was basically a perpetual red flag, they'll be familiar to you and your own validation. You might be trying to even validate yourself. I'm gonna move over here. You might be trying to validate yourself and even certain things from your childhood that hasn't been resolved yet with these people. Because the. Your caregivers maybe were super negative growing up, or you. You had a sister or a brother and uncle, and you were. You're basically trying to resolve the lack of love in those situations with clients that act in a similar way. That's again, something that I was doing. I was attracting manipulative, narcissistic, covert narcissistic men who are like my. My adoptive SL stepdad and like trying to literally resolve my childhood trauma with coaching clients. And this is something if you're not aware of, you're like that you'll end up doing. And that's why we can end up attracting people that are not good for us in our programs. And so listen, you want to have a boundary. It's not rude to not tolerate certain people acting a certain way. Sometimes it can be tempting too, especially if they want to give you referrals. Here's what you'll usually find. Some of the most negative people usually offer up referrals. It's a very interesting thing. So be cautious about like accepting favors certain people, because when they come to collect those favors, they can get very negative around that. Okay, so that's where a become self aware of, how did I attract these people? How did I bring them into my life? How did they come in? How can I make sure to repel those people in the future? And then literally, you want to like, cut them out of your life. You don't want to try to resolve it. You don't want to try to make it better. You don't want to do that. You want them gone. These are people that drain you, that are very negative, that are very rude, that are very disrespectful. You do not need to tolerate being around them. Okay, but when they're a paid client or they're somebody who is in your inner circle or your friends, or even somebody at church, that can be hard. Sometimes. It's best to just ignore, do your own thing and let them go out of your life. And I've had to do that before. And I've had people, when I've done that, be very nasty at me back, accuse me of just horrible things that never happened or anything. And I just said, look, let them go. I don't need them to think different of me. I'm gonna be the bigger person to walk away from this. And so that's what I just would really recommend when dealing with negativity, is to have a boundary in your life. Or you don't tolerate it. You don't tolerate it in media, you don't tolerate it from family, from friends, and even say that, hey, you're being really negative right now. Hey, you're being really rude right now. My wife and I actually are willing to say that to each other if we think the other person is being negative or rude, and it helps snap us out of, oh, wait, you're right, something is off. If somebody's being negative, something is off in their life. So don't let them affect you. And in your own effort to avoid them, don't avoid putting yourself into situations where they might be. Because as you grow, the more people you impact them, you will have them coming around you. They will try to get in. Does that make sense? So it's not a bad thing that if they're trying to get in, I think that's something to. That's a big unlock for some of y', all, is that you think, oh, if these negative people are coming in, that's something I should avoid. Actually, it might be an area for you to lean into more of, but learn to strengthen yourself to where you can have boundaries and it doesn't bother you like it used to. That's what I've had to do in my business. And it has helped me grow by. Instead of me trying to just run away from the negative people, I put myself into where they are. I allow them to be how they are. But I become really irresistible and incredible to a very small subset of people that will actually become my paid clients. And so that's a good thing to do. This is why we need to resolve our trauma. We need to calm our internal nervous system down, and we will be able to attract the clients that are best to work with us. Okay. All right. I think this has been great. I think this has been a great teaching. I think that that last unlock right there is going to really impact some of y' all in a positive way. So grow your life, everybody. We'll talk soon. Have a good one, Sam.