265: How to Start Thriving Instead Of People Pleasing - #GrowYourLife

Hey there. What's up, coaches, mentors and trainers? My name is Jeremiah Krakowski, and in this podcast, I talk about how you can grow your business, get more clients and reach those goals that you have so you can start making six figures. And today on the Grow youw Life podcast, I want to talk about something I think is really going to help you if you feel stuck in your own business. I was having a client conversation with one of my one on one clients, and we're talking about this in her own life, in her own business, as to why she was stuck and feeling like she couldn't make six figures. There's two things that I believe are so important. You need to believe that you can actually make the six figures that you want to make in your business. You need to be able to have the faith and belief that it's possible for you. If you don't, you're not going to be able to reach it because you're coming from a place where you don't think that that is even possible. So you're literally fighting an uphill battle, waiting for something outside of you to validate to you that it's possible. So that's one of the first things to realize that the belief that it's possible comes from within. And if you have other competing beliefs or behaviors or experiences in your environment around you that are stopping that and changing that belief, you need to make sure to address those. Now, the other one is this, is that we oftentimes worry way too much about other people's approval. Now, it's not that we're going to go out there and do stuff to mess up or to have people dislike us, to disapprove of us. No, we would never do that on purpose. But in the process of you actually building your business to reach your goals, to go accomplish the things that you want to accomplish, you're gonna drop some balls, you're gonna make some mistakes. And you might be listening to this right now saying, well, not me. I wouldn't. I'm not capable of that. I can't. It's just not possible for me. Maybe for you. Jeremiah, I want you to understand this. I've worked with thousands of coaches and mentors that there is a thing in your brain that is literally telling you that you need to do everything perfect, everything you do. You can't mess up, you can't make a mistake. And whatever that thing is, it usually comes from past experiences where when you made a mistake, things didn't go how you want. And we want to End up controlling them to make them go how we want. And so, listen, I want your success. That's the thing. I want you to be successful. But one of the biggest things that blocks us from being successful is perfectionism and the need for other people's total acceptance and approval. As you go out there to build your business, the more success you have, the less approval that you will have from other people outside of you. I'm going to say that again. The more success that you have, the less approval at each level that you have from people outside of you. Because what ends up happening is that the people in your life that you normally found acceptance and approval from, they're going to drop off, they're going to disappear. They're not going to want to spend time in your space anymore. And that's something that we need to be okay with. Something that I find a lot of people, they're hanging way too much onto the past experiences and relationships that have actually held them in captivity to the life that they used to live, preventing them from stepping into the life that they want to live. You know, I find that in my own life, anytime that I step into a new season at a new level, I have to change the people that I'm listening to. I can look back even six months ago, big change started happening in my life. Found out my wife was pregnant with our second son. And, man, I found there was literally a handful of people that I was engaging with, spending a lot of time with, talking with, that just were not healthy for me to spend time with anymore. And they were always negative all the time. They were always a Debbie Downer about everything, everything, everything. If you find yourself spending time around people that are constantly negative and pointing out the faults and things and how they can't work out, those aren't your people. And I feel for those that those are, those that are closest to them. Okay, you might write this off because of that. Don't, please. Because you don't have to take in what they're saying. That's a choice to do that, because it's been a habit, it's been a behavior that you've done for a long time, is to take in what everybody says and hold on to it tightly. It's something that I had to learn in my own life, into my own business, that, you know what? It's okay for people to have a different opinion of me than I do of me, and I don't have to change my behavior because of it. And that's when you grow, is when you Learn that it's okay and it's actually by design and a good thing. And the other thing is this, is that you start living your life with expectation of things going well for you. You start having a vision of things going really good for you. You know, we fear disappointment so much that we let our worry and fear of disappointment of others disappointing other people and our own selves being disappointed lock us into a prison in our own minds. You know, I find I found myself doing this for years, and I still catch myself sometimes doing it. But I need you to realize this, that for you to be successful as a coach and as a mentor in your marketing, you got to let that stuff go. You got to lay that stuff down. That idolatry of others, of approval and their opinions, that need for everybody to think good things about you. There are people in your life that think good things about you. And even them, they don't always approve of everything. And that's okay. Again, it's not that you're going out there to do things, to get disapproval from other people. You're not intentionally trying to be disapproved or disliked by anybody. In fact, you're. You're doing all the right things. I think that's the key to realize, is that you get to be the one that decides what the right things are, not everybody else around you in your environment. Now, I can tell you there's a shift that happened in my own life a couple months ago where I found a new level of this. And as soon as I started owning and believing in the people that were loving what I was talking about, and I wasn't seeking the approval and acceptance and of everything that I did with those that were closest around me, even family, my life actually got a lot better. And you know what? My relationships actually got a lot better with family because I didn't have to defend myself. I didn't start arguing, debating, trying to prove myself to everybody. You know, I find that sometimes, especially who grew up with faith, there's a twisted Bible verse, show yourself approved workmen that are not ashamed. Gosh, that verse got twisted in my head that I needed to be approved by everybody. And yet that's not even what that means. It's crazy. Approve of yourself, know that God approves of you, and then do the things that you know are going to work best for you. Not everybody is going to be in agreement on the same page with everything you say, and that's okay. And you can still make money in your business if that happens. Because here's what happens is that when you're actually selling, when you're actually leading, when you actually step into a leadership role, what we're talking about here is going from a passive role where you are an observer, experiencing life happening to you, to where you start actually being the one that creates life around you and you start creating the experiences of people in your own life. We can't control other people. We can't. And we work way too hard to do so passively. Instead, the best thing to do is to start controlling yourself, deciding what you're going to do. Maybe I do something right over here in my business and certain people don't like it, but it's the best thing for me. That's great. And that's how we want to do it. And that's how a good coach shows up. Because you're able to coach people not based on trying to be the most liked person, but the one that does the right thing. And I think that that's key is to redefine what we know as the right thing and what is perfect. Because if I look back in my own business, I was constantly going based on some sort of indicator of other people's responses to me. Now, yes, when we're marketing, when we're optimizing, I'm optimizing a funnel strategy. There's certain things you can do that attract more people than others. But if you get so caught up in trying to control what other people do and how they show up, you're not going to make any money in your business because you're going to be in such. You're going to be so deep in the weeds, trying to make everything fit your vision instead of just stepping back, letting go, watching things happen. And you might say, wait a sec, Jeremiah, that sounds in conflict of what you just said. You said not to be an observer, but to go make it happen. I'm telling you this. Control yourself, not other people. Okay, what can you do? What can you take personal responsibility in? And one of the first ones to do is to become okay with other people. Maybe not agreeing with your choices, doing things in your life that are best for you, even if others don't think they're the best. Right now, again, we don't want to be reckless and destructive and we got to be mindful and compassionate about how our actions impact others. Of course, don't hear me out that I'm saying that you don't do that. That's important. It absolutely is. But you don't let it be your all consuming activity. Because oftentimes that comes from an inner child that was trying to create a safe environment when they felt like everything was unsafe around them. Or maybe you were a teenager who felt unsafe because of everybody around you who disliked you in school, or maybe in a corporate job you got bullied, or in a church where you got abused or mistreated. And I can tell you this, being mistreated for years by other people, it wires your brain to feel like, okay, I have to seek approval. And I can tell you this until you shift that, until you change those wired connections. And I will say it's painful mentally, emotionally, even sometimes physically, can be painful in your gut. You're gonna feel like you're doing the wrong thing, even though you know it's the right thing. And learning to discern between the two. You know, some ways that really help alleviate this is that if we look at, in our own life a couple of things. How are we eating? How are you taking care of your physical body? Are you eating green vegetables? Are you, are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you having a lot of alcohol or caffeine or nicotine or CBD oil or whatever that is? I found myself in my own life throughout the years, drinking too much, having too much coffee, things like that. This the other day I had some, I had some caffeine in it and it, and it made me anxious for like two days. And I realized, wow, this is the state that I used to live in constantly. Especially if you're somebody who's very empathic and a feeler, and you can feel things a lot, you'll end up picking up stuff that's not even really going on because your brain starts making up stuff, far as that goes. And so that's one of the things to do, is to not project the worst case scenario, but to start to expect the best case of how you want things to go for you. And you start having a vision and visualizing the expectation of great things happening in your life, great things happening for you. And this might be one of the hardest things that you ever do is visualize great things happening for you. But it's going to shift everything. Not just as, okay, I visualized it and it didn't happen. But you literally get into a feeling and a belief system where you believe that these things are going to happen, that they are going to come together, that things are going to work out in your favor, and you really own it to your core to believe those things. It shifts every. Everything shifts. Your environment changes, the atmosphere around you. And now you become a conduit for great things to happen. Okay? So I want to encourage you. If you're somebody right now who's building a business and you, and you've been struggling, you've been feeling stuck, this might be what I just talked about, this process of getting yourself excited about the great things that are gonna happen. Well, what if I do them and they don't work out? Great. Awesome. Means something better is on the way. And start believing that, that when things don't go how I want or need them in that moment, that control factor, goodness. But we do that, and we do it passive aggressively, we do it nicely, realizing that maybe, just maybe, something better is actually on the way. And you start believing that. You start having faith in the things you're doing and the places you're going and the people you're talking to and the environments that, that you're in and the books you're reading and the actions you're taking. And you start watching certain synchronicities happen around you that weren't happening before. What's beautiful is that you end up training your reticular activating system in this. You know, I Talked about the RAs a couple weeks back on this. One thing that I notice is that if I get my brain way too focused on negativity, you know, I got bit up by some mosquitoes outside of my backyard. And if all I focused on was that my whole body starts itching. It's amazing. It's incredible how my body does that. But I tried to just shift my focus away from that and focus on something else for a little while. Is the irritation there? Sure, maybe a little bit. But it's not the only thing that I'm focusing on. And even as I'm talking about this right now, like, I'm starting to feel a little bit in my feet and stuff like that is because our brain is a punch powerful thing that literally creates an experience with hormones and chemicals and all of this in our neurotransmitters, in our body, and they amplify whatever we put our mind focus on. And I'm not talking about just an observation, but a real tangible focus. Whatever you put that focus on, what do you. If you're trying to avoid bad things happening, this is why a lot of times when people are so focused on making sure that thing that bad things don't happen and, and that all that happens, they end up experiencing a lot of those negative things because literally their energy is just looking for the next bad thing to happen instead of focusing in on how everything's going great for you and gratitude. And it shifts you into literally your brain wires itself differently to start noticing the good stuff and then you start doing the good stuff and then you start experiencing the good life that is possible for everybody, I truly believe. But the biggest battle we face is right between our two ears. You know, I worked with a therapist for about three years and we were able to process through a lot of different deep seated emotions and things like that. Now I've gotten to the point where I'm like, you know what? I don't need to keep replaying the past because I'm creating a future that is beautiful for me and my family and that lights me on fire. I'm so excited. Excited every single day. And you can experience the same thing as well. You just got to choose to. This podcast can help you with that. The environment that we have in my coaching community can help you with that. If you work with me one on one, I can help you with that to get you the results that you're looking for as a mentor, as a trainer, as a coach. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to experience the hardship if you don't want to. You can literally choose to change your situation. And I listen, I've been around a lot of people that have had chronic illnesses and they have told me, you know what? I can either choose to focus on how crappy it is or how amazing my life still is. And they literally live a better life than some people that are in perfect health. It's amazing because your mind is a powerful tool and if you exercise it in the beginning, it might be hard, you might not be used to it, but it's like exercising a muscle and that changes everything for you. All right, listen, if this has helped you, please share this with somebody. Please pass this episode on. I think it's really going to impact others and I'd love to work with you as well. In your business, if you're a coach, mentor, trainer to get more clients in your business, this is one of those things that's foundational that I think will help you accomplish great things. We'll talk soon. Everybody have a good one.