39: Losing Is Not An Option - #GrowYourLife

Hello and welcome to the Grow youw Life podcast. My name is Jeremiah Krakowski, and on this podcast I help you grow in your life and in a business because I believe that if you build a business, increase your income, you can do a lot more with your life. You can leverage your time and money to impact the world around you and your sphere of influence. This isn't about hoarding and building a wealth pile that you can sit on like a dragon and say, look at all this money I have. But rather, how can I use the overflow to live a bigger life. But for you to do that, you have to grow in your mindset and how you view the world around you, because that framework impacts business. Listen, I don't believe in work life separation or work life balance. I just see us as doing life. And part of that is business, Another part of it is relationship, another part of it is health, wealth. All of that come together as a life. And so that's why this is called the Grow youw Life podcast, not the Grow your Life and Business or the Grow your Business podcast. If you're not part of the Grow your Life community on Facebook, join it. Look up Grow your life. There's over a thousand people in there just like you that are growing to reach their goals. All of us have goals, and goals are the stepping stones to get us towards our destiny. Join that group, look it up on Facebook or find the link on my website. And if you've never listen to this podcast before, I offer free coaching to anybody who leaves Grow your Life and listens to this podcast on my Instagram. You can leave Grow your Life. I pick one winner for a full 30 minute coaching session with me. And while I do offer paid coaching, this is a full session as if you paid for 30 minutes. So leave growyourlife on my Instagram. I can't wait to talk with you. If you're somebody that wants to take this to the next level and do coaching with me, a full coaching session or by me, buy a package, we can talk for 30 minutes to kind of find your goals and do a discovery call. This is not the same though as the coaching giveaway. Discovery call goes over a few things but isn't really like a coaching session. The free coaching that I give away on my Instagram as a full on coaching session that gives you tangible strategies that you can take with you to go to the next level. On this podcast episode I'm going to talk about how losing is not a viable option and how you can't lose and how you have to develop a mindset to believe that as a fact. This is a belief that successful people have. This is a belief that everybody needs to have. And unfortunately, most don't. And I would bet if you're listening to this right now, that is hard for you to hear that and figure out how that fits into your life of, I can't lose. Losing isn't an option. If that is something that you developed in your life, I would still invite you to listen to the end of this, because there are some areas where you may believe that you're winning, but you're not. And so that's what this is about, is making it so that when you win, you win big, not just a little bit. And losing is not an option for anybody. It never should be an option. You see, a lot of us were raised to believe that for us to win, somebody else has to lose. And so by that definition, if we see somebody else winning, well, then our destiny must be that we are the lucky loser and we were meant to lose. That was something that I believed for years in my life. I'm telling you, probably about 30 years. I believe that. And I lived my life based on that framework that I'm going to still strive to win, but I'm probably not cut out for winning. And I bet there's some people right now that are listening to this that feel that same way. Or maybe you're hearing that and you're like, that's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Why would you ever think that? And maybe you'll shut off the podcast because I said that. Because I said that I believed that. And that invalidates me somehow to you. I want to share with you how I shifted from that to a mindset of losing is never an option and how losing is impossible and doing so with honor, respect, love, and integrity, from a place to where you feel good and satisfied and you're not just trying to destroy somebody else to win, but rather winning and realizing that other people around you can win. You don't have to be the bad guy. You don't have to be a villain. You also don't have to be a superhero or a victim, but be a powerful person. And a powerful person cannot lose at all. It's not possible. You have to choose to be a powerful person. You have to choose to do the things that winners do. What do winners do? Well, they make decisions, they prioritize. They learn things they don't know, and they develop themselves and they find mentors and they ask questions, and they're humble and they are honorable and they don't live from pride and ego. You see, this is where a common misconception comes in, is that to win you must have an over inflated ego and that somebody that says that it's impossible to lose must have an overinflated ego. Here's the truth about that is when you make losing no longer an acceptable possible option for you, there's only two things that can happen, winning or learning. And you reassociate all failure. Losing as a teacher, lessons for you to learn from and keep moving forward. Now, there's some people, if you're like myself, that have endured things and gone through things that you never were meant to. Maybe you were brainwashed, maybe you were abused, maybe you were traumatized. These are things that have happened to me, and I haven't really opened up a lot about them with a lot of people and how these things have happened and what I've done to break free from that because I didn't even really feel safe to share some of those with people. The fact of being brainwashed, growing up in a cult situation as a child and working in a company that was abusive. See, a lot of people don't know that side of my story. And so I want to share with you this is that anything that I'm sharing with you comes from experience that I've used to grow. You see, I was trained to believe that if I lost, it was because that was what was meant for me and that someday I could do something enough to change that. And so that was constantly putting me in this loop of striving to one day no longer be a loser. Hmm. And there's some people right now that believe that, that one day they will no longer be losing and they will be winning and they will have finally made it. There is no such thing as finally making it. My friends. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you that. And anybody that tells you that there is such thing as that is lying to you. Anybody that says that they have it all together, they have the perfect formula for you to always be successful, to. To win. Every single time that they've made it, that they are on the mountain sharing this with you is lying to you and is trying to do so for some personal benefit to them. I used to try to find people that would say that and come under them and listen to them. And I finally realized, you know what? I know a lot more than these, these teachers and these mentors that I'm learning from. It was incredible. I got inspired this morning. Been listening to an audiobook. I listened to a lot of audiobooks, and I want to share this with everybody on here. It's called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin of how the U.S. navy SEALs lead and win. Now, before you're like, wait a sec, how does that have anything to do with this? I listened to this podcast. Jocko has a podcast. I listened to this audiobook, and I realized that the framework of how I live my life is what they're talking about in this book. But I've never shared that with anybody. I just thought that's how everybody operated. And so I'm realizing, okay, I don't. Not everybody knows all this stuff, so I need to share this with some people. So I'm really inspired. I would highly recommend a. After listening to this podcast episode, get that book asap. It's one of the best books I've ever heard on leadership. And you might think, well, I'm not leading a team. You're leading yourself, and you're leading your life. And for you to grow your life, you have to first learn to take ownership over your choices and where you're at and realize that you're not a victim, no matter what happened to you. All of us have had stuff happen to us. Traumatization, ptsd. And some of us need professional help for that. And if that's you, that doesn't make you weak. Weakness is denying that you need help and not asking for it. But strength comes and says we're stronger together, that we can grow and that we can work as a team and get the help that we need and ask for help from the people, to develop ourselves and to grow into who we were meant to be. And so if that's you, that maybe you've been through that and you're really dealing with maybe some. Some mental health issues. Get professional help, please. It's worth it. I'm not a big. I'm not a proponent of pills or taking drugs. I am a proponent of. Of counseling and, as well, spiritual discipleship. I also believe that God has all the answers for us. Absolutely. But this podcast is not about spirituality. What I want to talk to you about is a framework of winning or learning and realizing that even if you make a failure, even if you spent 30 years of your life in a mindset that was broken, that you were brainwashed in, that you grew up in, that's what happened with me. Or a mindset that you were abused into, that's what happened with me. Or that you were traumatized into believing. And everything around the world around you comes from that framework of those experiences. It's okay to admit that and say, you know what? Maybe there's a better way, and what can I learn from this that hasn't been working for me up to this point? And then you turn your losing situation that you've had right now into a learning experience to grow from and go to the next level. And that's the framework that every single episode of this podcast comes from. Listen. I believe that you can do the impossible. I believe that it is not your lot, your destiny in life to lose and that you can choose where you're going. I also do not believe that God means for some people to be miserable and others to be happy. And I'm going to leave that one there. You have to choose to do something. You can't choose to not choose. You see, that's the choice that many people are making up to this point. They're not taking ownership over their choices. If you're going to choose to do nothing, that needs to be your explicit choice. Not choosing is no longer an option. You see, a lot of times we don't choose an option because of the responsibility that comes in from hearing what the answers are to our questions. And we refuse to take ownership over choosing. And we would rather blame our outside situation for what we have up to this point in time. And so we never choose. You have to develop a framework in your life to where you no longer try, and trying is not an option for you. You either do or do not. And you choose. I will not do this. And I will do this. And you make a choice. You make an explicit choice. I mean, some of you might be saying, well, if I don't have an informed information, I can't make an informed decision. Well, then choose to not make a decision. But living in a state of mind, of indecisiveness is not helping you. And so you need to learn to prioritize what's important and then do the next thing. Do something. Find what the roadblocks are that are keeping you from that. What are the mental weeds that are in there that are keeping you stuck where you are, find where you hit resistance and what you're feeling. You know, today I was at the store and I was realizing, you know, sometimes I have had insecurities about. About my manliness. Yes. I'm being perfectly real with you right now. Super vulnerable. Never shared that with anybody. I realized, you know, my wife does a lot of stuff around the house, housework, she grew up in a construction household. I did not. You know, I. Every time I take tests, I end up in the personality type that most women are. More empathetic, more creative, more love oriented. And I'm realizing I need to take ownership over who I am. And in that who I was made to be comes out. I don't need to fit into some mold of what somebody tells me that I have to be just because my name is Jeremiah and I was born a man and am a man and that men have to only do this. Okay, just like you don't have to believe that you were born a loser and can only ever do this one thing. You can choose to live your life from a place that you don't need validation from other people. You don't need other people's permission to be who you were made to be. You don't need to have other people tell you that you're worthy to be who you're called to be. You just be it. And as new information comes in, you can upgrade your consciousness, upgrade who you are. You see, some of us are in these loops that we're in. We've had these loops in our life where they're almost like mental glitches. And when I coach with people, I find these come up sometimes is there's basically the old damned if you do, damned if you don't type personality thought process. And so that's where indecision comes from. And we have to get to the root of why that exists. Generally it is a response to a very extreme emotional event around that type of a thing that you're looking at. And so you have to identify what that is and tell yourself the truth about that by your choice. Not based on what society tells you, not based on what you know, other people tell you to choose for yourself. And I believe personally, the best way to choose that is to pray and to ask God, God, what should this choice be? And sometimes God's like, choose to not do anything. And we have to take ownership over that choice. You see, a lot of people refuse to take ownership over the choice to not do anything. And so they're constantly in a loop of thinking one day the perfect scenario is going to come together for me to then where I can finally go after my goals. You have to realize that a goal is just a milestone. It's just a stepping stone along the way in your life. And all of us have one life to live. But if we're constantly striving, feeling like we're running out of time and that we have to make the best of our time. And then we're living in a loop of worried about making the wrong choices, and then we never make a choice, and then we never take ownership of that. It's a hamster wheel of nothingness. And that's how I was living my life for 30 years. Look, you know, little blip of some fun stuff. Oh, I made. Made six figures, Made multiple six figures, made seven figures. Okay, great. But I constantly knew. I was like, yo, I know I can get to that billion dollar level, but this is way too slow. So I had to figure out what's a framework to break free from this constant state of indecision and looping around in my head the choices and looping through what I should do, what I shouldn't do. And I noticed there was this belief that once I arrived, that I would have had finally made it, and then I can finally be who I was meant to be. And that belief system comes from a skewed view that our identity is based on what we do. You have to realize this, that you are not what you do at all. What you do comes out of the overflow of who you are, not the other way around. You don't do and then become something. This is where that whole winner, loser, I became. I did. So now I am a loser. Yada, yada, yada. You either win or you learn. And you're either a learner, a student, or a winner. That's it. And you have to have that framework in your mind. You see, losing is valuable. Losing, in fact, is something that I embrace and I go after and I'm okay with temporarily to look at what are the lessons that I'm learning in this loss. I'm going to take the L today and get back to the practice and hit it hard again and get that W tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes, today is here. I'm going to get that W. And yet, so often people are living their life that, oh, if only I had the perfect scenario or the perfect mentor, listen to the perfect podcast or read the perfect book or the perfect time was here. I could finally be successful. The time is now, my friends, for you to be successful. Stop waiting on that moment to come and realize that your goals are just a stepping stone to get to another goal. A lot of times, if we have a big goal, listen, y', all, I got big goals. Billion dollars, technology, film, video games, music, media, and teaching people things around that. I love education. I love educating people. My passion comes from that area of how can we Teach and help people grow through arts and entertainment and media. And that's what I love. It's one of my favorite things in the how do I do that? Making podcasts like this, making courses, writing books. That's how I do that, because that's going to fund the next level. So my goals are in the immediate because it's a stepping stone to get there. I think a lot of times we live from this place of called anachronistic living. And you can Google that, if you can spell it. Google will autocorrect you Anachronistic living. And it'll pull up a teaching from Dan McCollum on Chris Valatin's SoundCloud. And anachronistic living is, in essence, where you're constantly looking so far into the future that you miss what's right in front of you in the present. And so you never do anything in the present because you're waiting for the future to come. And a lot of people are in that loop because they believe that they are powerless to go after their destiny, when in fact, we're made to pull the future into our present reality, and then that becomes what we're living in. And that's what I'm doing right now, and that's what I want to encourage you to do. But the only way that you're going to get there is this mindset that you can't lose. There's only learning or winning. And we get over the ego trip, the pride of never asking for help. We get past feeling like, well, I know everything. There's nothing more I can learn on this topic. You see an Olympic athlete, a Navy SEAL reading this book, a CEO, a champion sports player, always has coaches and mentors and people teaching them how to get to that next level because they admit to themselves at that highest level, they're on the top of the mountain. There's more ahead of me, and I'm going after that. And I want to empower other people to go after that. And some people instantly think, you know, well, when is enough enough? When you say enough is enough, that's when it's enough. You can totally choose to just enough is enough. I'm gonna stay here. And then once you do that, you can change your mind later and choose, okay, I'm gonna go after another goal, another vision. A lot of people live in this framework that they either have to be on or off. And once they're off, they can't ever be on. And once they're on, they can never be off, and they have to. Can't choose because they're just victims to what comes at them in their environment. No. It's time for you to choose to go after your goals. It's time for you to choose to go after your destiny. It's time for you to own your destiny. That's what that book Extreme Ownership is about, y'. All. That's why I said at the beginning of this, that book inspired me to realize this is, this is stuff that I live in my life. I didn't realize it until I heard that. And it kind of stirred up in me some stuff that's been dormant for a while that I was, I was actually living in this. This fear of, of doing everything right. You see, fear of failure is never going to help you. Always having to be right and do things right will never help you. And that might stress you out that I said that based on the title of this saying you can't lose. Worrying about always doing the right thing will lead you to indecision, stress and anxiety. And that emotion of stress and anxiety does not serve you. It is a loss oriented, lack mindset that will keep you stuck in a loop of never reaching your goal because it, because you, you believe that you can't. That's what that belief system comes from. It's. But it's got. But it's gilded in. I have to do what's right and perfection. You either win or you learn. You don't be afraid of making the wrong choice because if you make the wrong choice, you can always learn from it to make the right one later. But we have to be able to confront our fears and to face the fear that will help us grow and be courageous to go after what we were made for. What are you going after today? What have you been stuck in? Why aren't you taking action? The other thing that I notice is people take way too long to make these decisions. They take forever. Learn to make decisions in five minutes, 10 minutes. Decide five minutes. Okay, I'm not going to do that. That's what I mean by that. Decide. I'm not going to do that right now. And, and then let it go. Don't hold it in the balance of, well, one day I'm gonna finally be able to do that. It's a goal to one day. But I don't sit here stressing out about, well, I hope one day I can, I can make video games and I hope one day I can make movies. No, I don't, because I know that's not for today, but what's for Today is making my podcast. What's for Today is my videos on my social media, writing blog posts, writing a book, making courses for people. That's for today. And then you make decisions to go after those things. Learn to negotiate with yourself the right choice and realize why you are afraid to make choices you have to come face to face with why you're afraid to choose to do the thing that will help you. What is that fear? Why am I afraid? What is the risk? What am I worried about happening? Why, why, why? And we often find that it leads to seeking validation from other people. There's either some person in our lives, past, present, or future that we're seeking validation from that we never got, that we feel like we're owed. And so we're constantly striving for their validation, and that becomes our main why. And so that's why you have to shift the focus of your why to what you choose your why to be. My why is my wife, our future kids, and building a business that impacts people worldwide. Everything else comes after that. My why used to be getting validated from a boss, getting validated from my mom and dad, getting validated from church leaders getting valid. You see what I'm saying? Getting validated from a client. And I was actually not doing what my clients needed me to do because I didn't want to risk them being mad at me. And so I was refusing to come face to face with those feelings that I was worried about what would happen. Just yesterday, I had a meeting with somebody and I told them, you know what? I'm probably not the best choice for this contract. It might have been, you know, five, six thousand dollars a month for consulting consistently that would come in. I said, listen, I could sell you on a package and say, I can do all this, but I think no is the best option because I don't think you guys are in the place. Maybe let's circle back around in 30 to 45 days once you get a few of your ducks in a row, and then let's get started working together, because I'm not looking to get validated. You know what they said? Thank you for being honest. That shows you have integrity. Oh, look at that. Because money doesn't validate me. Money doesn't validate you. Your goals don't validate you. What you do doesn't validate you. You don't need anybody's permission to go after your goal. You have to learn to trust yourself to be decisive and trust yourself enough to make a decision, even if You've had a track record of not making good decisions. Change that now by taking ownership over your choices and doing something that will help you get to that next level. Now, what does that look like? Okay, I'm going to focus on marketing today. I'm going to focus on strategy. I'm going to focus on personal development. I'm going to grow. I'm going to listen to some podcasts. I'm going to make some content on my social media. I'm going to map out my week, I'm going to map out my schedule. I'm going to write things down. I'm going to start to draw some notes. Listen, y', all. I use this little Corvette notebook. I got notes that I write stuff down in. And a lot of them are just. Just chicken scratch. This is for this podcast right here. I just chicken scratch stuff out and I got it sitting right here. And I'm just. That's why if you see me looking down, that's what I'm reading. You have to realize this. You can't be broken. You will recover and you will win. And you have to declare that. That's why declarations are so important. You have to declare the outcome and then go after it and trust the process. You make declarations that are in alignment with what God says and go after your goals with everything that's inside of you. Listen, everything that I talk about comes from a perspective of my relationship with God, my wife, goodness, doing what's right, having integrity, making the right choices, helping people around me. And so from this framework, there's no fear of failure, there's no fear of consequences. There's no fear of making the wrong choice. If I make the wrong choice, guess what? I'll learn and I'll fix it. And I will grow and I will choose to win because nobody else can choose that but me. And maybe you have lived your life where you've been traumatized or abused and you've been through some stuff and other people have made you believe that you're not the creator of your own destiny. You're not the master of your destiny. You're not losing or winning or you can't win or lose or whatever that is. Or maybe even me saying that triggers something in you religiously to where you're like, well, God's the creator of my destiny. When you partner with God, you and God are co creators. So that's why I say that, that you are the master of your destiny. And if you're somebody that doesn't believe in God, it's okay. This still applies. I'm so thankful for you to listen to this podcast episode. I'm so thankful that you're listening all the way through this episode. Simplify the steps. Either eliminate or reassociate. What is stopping you from getting the next level? Say, okay, that feeling that was stopping me before. I'm gonna make that mean excitement. I'm gonna lean into it. I'm gonna lean into those feelings and I'm gonna go after what I want to. I can win and other people can win around me. Doesn't have to be winners and losers. Other people have to win to learn or lose to learn. Other people have to win to learn. Listen, winning is a horrible teacher because then you think you made it. You think there's nothing else to learn. That's why you got to seek out failure. That's why you got to seek out either other people's mistakes or mentors to learn from other people that have been there before. I believe in you. I know that you can do this. Everybody can do this. Everybody can be successful. Not everybody will be because most people will choose to keep living their life as a victim, as a powerless person. Or most people will choose to live their life as constantly making validation and being the hero, be so important. Or choose to live their life spitefully, dissatisfied, as a villain. When you learn to be a powerful person, nothing can stop you. Losing is no longer an option. You either win or you learn. And that's what this podcast is about. I want to encourage you. If you haven't listened through some of the other episodes of this podcast, please go back through some of them. Look at the ones that stand out to you. There's a bunch on business coaching. There's a bunch on mindset. Make a commitment to go after your goals. Write them down. Make a commitment to write down what you're going to choose to not do this week. Seriously. And if you want to start coaching with me as your mentor to help you, I can help you get to the next level. I've helped thousands of people get to the next level in their life, in their business. All you have to do is go on over to my website. Click coaching. Sign up for a 30 minute discovery call where we can talk about your goals before January 1, 2020. I'm offering a discount. You can get coaching for $400 for an hour or three hours for $1,000. Or if you want to win, a free coaching session with me, a full coaching session for 30 minutes. Leave. Grow your life on my Instagram. I pick one winner every single week on Sunday to win. That coaching, that mentorship. I believe in you. And I know that it is possible for you to win or learn. When you choose that losing is no longer a viable option. But only you can choose that for you. Only you can choose that for yourself. Off. Grow your life, everybody, and we'll talk soon.