The Devil and Hollywood Almost got His Soul, but God Claimed Him Back

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So like everything in the occult that they do is like basically to mock Jesus. Well, this stuff goes very deep in LA, and there's 2 common denominators. It's, you know, usually debauchery, like either consensual or non-consensual fornication, and Luciferian worship. And so I saw this stuff with my own eyes, but I noticed that the common denominator in all of this dark stuff was that these people believe that the devil is real. They worship demons. And in my, you know, atheistic mind, I'm like, wait, what? Like Satan, that's a, that's a real being? I was very, very curious about this because I'm like, if that's real, then God has to be real.

Colossians chapter 1, beginning at verse 11. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power. So you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. Gentlemen, let's begin by talking about how God brought us out of darkness. Nick is here. Well, you're formerly known as Big Nick, right? Have you left that name behind completely?

I did leave it recently. I'm now going by my government name, Nick Keswani. And there's a few reasons for that, but like God really, this is the first time I've ever talked about that publicly, by the way. God really emphasized like how important it is for us to go by like our actual names, right, and I went by Big Nick for a long time on social media but you know the Lord was really showing me like He wants me to be more professional in the way that I present myself because you know obviously I have a desire to expand His kingdom, go to the nations and everything but I've been learning a lot about order in the season and one thing that you know, God had spoken to me specifically about order is to like change my like one social media stage name, I guess you could say, to my real name, which has presented some challenges because Instagram's like giving me issues changing the username. I had to make a new Spotify profile. I got to make a new Apple Music profile. So it's definitely been like, it's been a lot more work, but I know that God will, you know, honor my obedience for doing that. So officially, You know, you guys probably know me online as Big Nick. I have changed my name to Nick Kaswani, but I don't get angry if people call me that.

Well, even when I did an interview on your podcast, I had tagged you as Big Nick and you texted me and said, hey, I'm actually using this name now. I said, okay, that works perfectly fine for me. There is something biblical in terms of name changes.

Right. This is true. And you know what's interesting with my name too is So my full name is Nikhil Keswani. I'm just going by Nick because no one could pronounce Nikhil in school and I can't get any usernames with that. I can only get Nick Keswani. It's all good though, God knows but I was researching like what my name means in Hindi because I'm Indian and you know I didn't grow up Christian or anything. I grew up under Hinduism but my name in Hindi actually means complete word of the Lord. And so when I looked that up, I just looked it up out of curiosity. These are things you do as a single guy who lives alone and has some time on his hands. You know, I'm like, I'm curious, like, what does my name mean? And I found out it literally means complete word of the Lord. And when I saw that, I'm like, my goodness, this was prophetic from the very beginning. Because now, like, what do I try to do? I try to preach the complete word of God, the complete word of the Lord. So when I saw that and the Lord spoke to me about changing my name, back to like my original government name, I couldn't hesitate. I just did it, you know, and there's been a lot of things in my life where I've had to like change for God's glory and He's always come through and blessed me because of that. So—

And many would be surprised, especially if they were maybe consumers of your older content before you knew the Lord, at the change that there is now and what you're now doing in spreading the Word of God.

Yeah.

The Lord certainly did bring you out of some dark places.

He did. Absolutely. I mean, my entire life was basically me not knowing God. I wasn't raised in church or anything like that. So I was like really deep in it. Some people, they kind of get into, you know, sin, darkness, but they still have like some sort of conviction because they had a foundation when they were younger. But me, like I had no foundation. Didn't know anything about Jesus. I didn't really know biblical right from wrong. I was just using my own understanding, you know, which is not recommended in the Bible, right? Lean not on your own understanding but trust in the Lord, right. And so I was just using my understanding of the world to like be able to determine right and wrong, and that doesn't work because we're in a fallen nature. We need God's, you know, we need God's Word as a blueprint for our lives. It's like a mirror that really reflects our iniquity and our transgressions. That's why they hated Jesus because they hated Him because His light testified of their evil deeds, right. So people who are exposed to that light as children, they had some sort of foundation where like maybe they didn't go too deep but like for me, I had nothing, right. So I was basically just a blank canvas for secularism to paint itself on it.

Wow.

You know and but God still had His hand upon me and like The fact that, you know, I'm a born-again Christian, it still surprises me sometimes because I'm like, wow, I never thought that this would be my life, but I'm so thankful that it's my life.

You know, contrasting our 2 stories, someone would definitely be able to see the differences, at least in terms of the natural, but in the spiritual realm, I was in darkness. You were in darkness, Ruben, Steve, we were all in darkness before the Lord. And so I find it interesting as you talk about your upbringing, you knew nothing about Christ, nothing about the scripture, nothing about the ways of the Lord. I grew up knowing the scripture, but not knowing Jesus. So I was just as lost. In fact, I would say there's a grave danger in that sort of religious mindset because it produces this false confidence.

Yes.

And for me, one of the big issues was first having to humble myself and admitting that what I've had up until this point was not the Lord.

Yeah.

It was my own reliance on my own works, depending upon what I thought was my good works to save me.

Right.

And so coming out of that really was transformational for me because before meeting the Lord Jesus, there was demonic torment. There was demonic visions. I would have nightmares. My mind was tormented, like depression, anxiety, hearing voices. This is a part of my testimony I sometimes share. And so when I read this, you know, Colossians 1:13, talking about he has rescued you from the kingdom of darkness, transferred us into the kingdom of his dear Son. We all may have come from different backgrounds, but ultimately the Lord had to save each one of us because there's none righteous, no, not one. Ruben, I know you had an interesting testimony too.

Yeah, I mean, not to go into all the detail, 'cause it'd be, We've been talking about it for a while. But yeah, I came out of a place of, I know what darkness is. I know what it's like to be in terrible places at the terrible times. And coming from a background where a lot of my circle was into drugs and alcohol and all of my friends being into that and me being a partaker in that as well. It's been a crazy journey because, and the most cliché saying is like, oh yeah, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the Lord. Like, yeah, I testify to that. I wouldn't have been here. I wouldn't have been married. I wouldn't have a son right now. I wouldn't be a father. So it is pretty crazy to go from a background of being so selfish and only wanting what my friends and I want to going, yeah, let's go and, you know, go to this, you know, this concert show. Let's go, you know, go to this person's house and go drink. And, you know, my friends, you know, being involved with, you know, meth and heroin and stuff. I'm just like, Man, this is wild. Such a contrast day and night to go, man, this is where I came out of. And it's like, it doesn't even feel like, it doesn't feel like something that's in the past. Like, I don't even resonate with that. Like, if I were to even be around that, I'd be like, whoa, this is crazy. And Nick, I know some of your testimony. I am curious to know from someone, you know, that has come, you know, I know you got saved, like, I want to say, what is it, a handful of years now?

Yeah. You said 4 years?

A handful of years?

Oh yeah, about like 4 and a half. Like I would say really August of 2020. So yeah.

I'm curious to know because you've come in from a platform with a lot of notoriety, like in the social media world with a bunch of influencers. I'm curious to know what that transition has been like social media-wise. Like, did you get a lot of backlash from like just people in your circle like going, oh no, you're like, what are you doing? Why are you transitioning to this? Like, you shouldn't do this. Like did you also get any negative experiences from even Christians when you're, you know, coming to know Christ?

Dude, I got all of it. I mean, it was crazy actually like but it made me realize how real the gospel is because like the words of Jesus are being validated through like real life persecution. Like when I first came to know Jesus Christ and not a lot of people know, actually no, people do know because I was persecuted pretty heavily online. I pretty much lost everything, everything. You know, there are people who like, and because this is the difference between biblical Christianity and Hollywood Christianity. So the Hollywood Christianity is like, oh yeah, you know, praise Jesus, but we won't talk about sin. Praise God, but we don't need to talk about demonic strongholds. Let's just talk about love. And then, you know, on the weekends when no one's looking, we can smoke and drink, but you know, we love Jesus. It's like, that's the Hollywood Christianity. where most people, when they make a profession of faith, they don't really lose much because there's still compromise in their lives. So there's no substance in the spirit to their transformed life. Whereas with me, God like just completely transformed the way I think, exposed a lot of these things to me that He equipped me to go out and, you know, do His work. So when I first came to Christ, I was not I was not trying to preach Hollywood Christianity. I covered controversial topics like abortion, you know, like the whole, you know, I'm going to reword this so YouTube doesn't flag it but the whole alphabet, you know, community and everything like I really did, you know, with love obviously but with truth, right, the Word of God. I didn't go out trying to just make a big stink and make fun of people. No, that's not Christlike but the reality is we live in a world that We're literally living in Isaiah's end-time prophecy of the last days, good being evil and evil being good. We live in this warped perverted reality now where like if you don't believe that a guy can put on a wig and go in like a girl's bathroom like you're a bigot. It's like, why did we get here, you know. So you have to shine a light through the Word of God in these dark times and that was my intent, right. Never to upset anybody but because I you know, really preached with conviction, with boldness the word of God. I mean, I got a lot of flack for it. You know, people online, they did persecute me. I had videos that went super viral and like it actually became a trend to hate on the ministry because it was getting recommended by YouTube so much. Like people would have videos with like tens of millions of views. So this became like a new It became— and I say it, I say this confidently because in the world that is what you are doing technically. You are chasing clout when you're trying to hop on viral chants and stuff— trends and stuff, sorry. I mean, it was like a clout-chasing mechanism that worked. And the reason why it was a clout-chasing mechanism that worked is because after one person did it and it blew up their channel, other people did it and it blew up their channels too. So I became basically like the face of the algorithm recommending like hatred towards the preaching that I was doing and this affected my personal life. You know, I had close relatives who didn't want anything to do with me anymore. They disbanded themselves from me. I wasn't allowed at certain relatives' houses for 4 years like I really lost a lot on top of that and you know I rejoice like I'm not, you know, complaining or anything like that. The Word of God says, this is going to happen and No matter what happened, I still honored every single person involved in every situation, right? Because that's the key when you go through these things. The moment you slip into dishonor, now all that persecution that you went through all goes to waste, right? Because now the devil can use that to accuse you. So I never let dishonor creep in or rejection or hurt. Although I did feel rejected by these things, I never let rejection— take a hold over me to where it deterred me from the vision, right? The vision that Jesus has given me. And so I went through a lot, lost like pretty much everything I saved up in my bank account. You know, God restored it all, praise God. But, you know, financially, relationships-wise, I was basically by the secular world, they tried as much as they could to humiliate me. because they didn't have a grip on me anymore and the stuff that I was preaching like I mentioned was not your Hollywood Christianity. It was biblical Christianity because that's what we're called to preach, not a watered-down lukewarm version of the gospel. Jesus is not pleased with that. He spits them out of His mouth, the lukewarm in the book of Revelation, you know, and so I really wanted to please God. I knew that pleasing God would come with consequences but it doesn't come with consequences with no reward because He's a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him and I just kept seeking Him despite the hate, despite the persecution, real life people, you know, not wanting to associate with me anymore, losing finances and everything, you know. I became so tunnel vision, locked in and focused to Jesus, to His love that all of these things to the flesh were Quite, I would say, perturbing to go through, but because I was just so invested in accomplishing God's will, being in the Spirit, it's like these things did not feel real to me. It's not that I was numb to them out of not wanting to deal with them, but I was numb to them because I was realizing how vain this world really is. having everything and then having everything stripped away from me the moment that I go from promoting evil to promoting righteousness. That's how I realized like all this world has to offer is vanity. So anything that I'm losing in this vain world, I don't count it as a loss, but God restored it all, which is great.

And from the outside looking in, some may have looked at your life and said, he's popular on the internet. He's got resources and wealth. He looks like he's having a lot of fun, but all of that was illusory.

Yes.

It was a facade.

Yep.

And it wasn't until you met Christ that you found the true fulfillment.

Yeah.

So was that a particular moment for you? Was there a series of events that led to this? And I'll actually pose this question to you guys as well, in terms of your coming to Christ, coming out of that darkness into light. Was it a moment? Was it a series of moments? And would you share about that?

Yeah, absolutely. It took a lot of research, honestly, because I was a very stubborn individual. I was like, I need literal proof to subscribe or believe in anything. And so I never really cared to look into God because I didn't have the proof of it and so but this is how I ended up realizing that God was real because God allowed me to see that the devil is actually real. You know we talked about this a little bit on your Numa streaming platform which guys go check that out. I want to plug David's stuff for him, you know.

I'll take that.

Thank you.

You know that you got to have that guy in your corner that will like plug your stuff for you, you know. So I want to be that guy but you know basically when I first—

I'll Venmo you later. Yeah, right.

Oh, don't tell them about that part. You're supposed to make me look good here. Just kidding. So a couple years ago, you know, I was in LA and I was in the music scene as well as social media and basically to make a long story short, I got exposed to seeing satanic rituals in downtown LA when I was just trying to meet up with the producer. You know, I thought I was gonna— I just came there to get a beat and next thing you know, he's showing me rituals. So that's an average night in LA but I go to the studio in downtown LA like it's actually ridiculous now that I think about it that like I really encountered that but you know he's making me a beat and whatever. We had a mutual connection who I'm still friends with. I actually ended up baptizing last October.

Wow.

So praise God for that but he brought me to the studio and the guy's making a beat and I'm in this, you know, warehouse in DTLA and he shows me, he actually invites me to these like occult swinger parties where they would do like orgies and satanic rituals at the same time and, you know, I wasn't really about that. He showed me a video of them actually like making a demo reel of it really happening and I'm in the same warehouse where the reel was shot. So I'm like, whoa, what the heck is going on? Like I saw very graphic imagery. Woman, you know, wearing black bunny ears which I guess is a part of Luciferianism, the whole bunny ears thing. I didn't understand it at the time and you know they were like in cages, cutting their wrists. I didn't know much about like blood sacrifices and Luciferianism. So I don't know why they're doing these things. Afterwards I studied it and I realized why they do these things. And it's really just a mockery of Jesus Christ. Like in the occult, they're very big on shedding blood because it's almost like it's mocking Jesus. It's the same thing with the Freemasons, like when they do like a mock resurrection for the 33rd degree, like it's basically to mock the resurrection of Jesus Christ and Jesus rose when He was 33 years old. So like everything in the occult that they do is like basically to mock Jesus without the people knowing that they're mocking Jesus but the devil knows it though. Um, and so, you know, he showed me the demo reel of them doing these like ritual orgy, um, Luciferian worship parties, and I'm like, you know, I'm okay on that, man, appreciate it. Um, you know, there was a lot of celebrities that he mentioned, you know, like Lil Pump he said would come to this, uh, parties. The Black Eyed Peas he said would go there regularly. Um, you know, and now all the stuff with the Diddy stuff that's getting exposed, they're even seeing that there was a ritual aspect to it as well. This stuff has been going on for a long time, even with the whole Pacific Palisades tragedy that happened with the fires. Not many people know that.

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Even with the whole, uh, Pacific Palisades tragedy that happened with the fires, not many people know that right under the Pacific Palisades there's an underground trafficking network that used to be the Underground Railroad that they disbanded and don't use anymore. Um, and anyways, that's a side note, but this stuff goes very deep in LA, and there's 2 common denominators. It's, you know, usually debauchery, like either consensual or non-consensual fornication and Luciferian worship. And so I saw this stuff with my own eyes and I was very disturbed by it but I didn't really think much of it and I was kind of a dark person back then. So, you know, I just thought it was like people just basically, I was like, these guys are weird but it never clicked in me to look into that until a couple years later when a lot of politicians and celebrities got exposed big time for satanic rituals, you know, doing unspeakable things, you know, with children. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see a lot of this evidence. And so as I go deeper down that rabbit hole, I'm like, wait, I did see this stuff. This stuff is real because I actually witnessed it. But I noticed that the common denominator in all of this dark stuff was that these people believe that the devil is real. They worship demons and in my, you know, atheistic mind, I'm like, wait, what? Like Satan, that's a real being. I was very, very curious about this because I'm like, if that's real, then God has to be real and then I have to start looking into who God is, you know, and so I was very determined to go down this rabbit hole. And I did for about 5 months. I learned a lot about occultism, you know, just Luciferianism, all of this dark stuff that, you know, I didn't know why I was learning it. I didn't know that it was going to lead me to Jesus Christ. That was not my goal in learning this stuff. I just wanted to know the truth but Jesus is the way, the truth and the life in John 14:6. So if you truly stumble across real truth, it's impossible to miss Jesus at the end of the tunnel. Impossible. That's why like a lot of people like me who get saved in the way they did are so passionate about this because no one had to convince me that this is true. I was just searching for the truth and I found out Jesus was at the end of it without anyone influencing me to do so, which is why I'm so passionate that He's real. Like, you know, some people have doubts with their faith, which I'm not shaming you if you do, but for me, like, I don't even doubt it for an instance because of the way that I got saved. It only could have been God. Anyway, side note, but yeah, praise God. So as I—

I love it. You're a preacher.

Yeah, right.

I love it.

Amen.

Yeah, the Diga Hernandez anointing is flowing in the room right now. I'm receiving the impartation, but You know, after like really studying these, you know, dark things, I was very convinced by like the 5th month. I'm like, okay, you know, the devil is real. The thing that actually made me realize that the devil was real is Bohemian Grove where a couple years ago, I researched this but in San Francisco and I don't know if you've heard about this. You're from California as well, right? Southern California but it's in like NorCal but a lot of these politicians and celebrities, they go to this forest.

Yeah.

to worship Molech, which is like an owl deity. And I also found out in some of the leaked emails from certain politicians that they were also sacrificing kids to Molech. And I'm like, what's up with this Molech guy? You know, this seems to be a common denominator in a lot of things that are getting uncovered. So out of curiosity, and this was at the end of my rabbit hole in my research where I'm like, no, I know for sure Satanism is real now. Well, I should say Luciferianism because they're 2 different things. we can get into that later but I knew that Luciferianism was real. So I'm like, what does the Bible have to say about Molech because I'm like at this point like there has to be answers in the Bible. I just knew 1+ 1= 2. If the devil is real then Christianity has to be true because from my recollection, Christianity is the only thing that discusses this stuff which yeah, it is. Other religions, they'll try to like touch upon it but they don't really have an accurate depiction of it because the devil won't expose himself in something that he wrote, right. Whereas Christianity, it really shines a light on all the stuff that's clearly going on that I'm finding out. So I just search up Bible verses about Molech. The first time I was ever curious about the Bible and I see there's over like 100 of them in the Old Testament. I'm like, bruh, I gotta order a Bible ASAP. So I literally got on Amazon Prime. I'm like, I need that KJV Bible here the next day. First Bible I ever bought, I still have it with me too in my office. I always get like nostalgia when I read out of it because it reminds me of when I first got saved but I bought a KJV study Bible and I just got to reading and I got to researching about Jesus from then on out and I would say after a couple months like I was very convinced that Jesus was real but I was also like falling in love with the nature of him through reading the word, through looking at testimonies. I remember there were a few people in my walk that really, um, I really received from into where I started to feel the love of God through these videos. Like one person was Todd White's video Praying for Satanists. I remember I watched that during this journey and I saw how God softened this guy's heart in real time, and I felt the love of God through that video to where my heart was like changing. I was even watching a movie about Jesus and I was, you know, studying His nature through the movie which was scriptural and I was just falling in love with like who He is like and I felt my heart in real time studying about Him, just like my bitter, angry, cold, atheistic heart like God was removing my heart from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. I felt it like that scripture. I didn't even know that was in the Bible until later when I got saved. I felt that like, and I'm like, I just felt love. I'm like falling in love with this guy, you know, and I couldn't help it. I couldn't resist it. I wasn't like, oh, why am I? No, I was like, what? It's just like His love is like a magnet, you know, to our soul. So I was just so attached to like the divinity, the personhood, the nature, the attributes of Jesus like and I was just hungry. I wanted to learn more. I was reading the Word, watching more testimonies until I actually became desperate to figure out how to get right with God but I didn't know how because I wasn't Christian. I didn't know about repentance. I didn't know about the separation, the veil between mankind and God. So I'm literally like trying to figure out how to do this and then finally I realized like, oh, I have to repent of my sins. That's what separates the veil. Okay, great. Let's do it. I'm ready. I remember I was so eager to have the veil being separated. Like I felt the veil was there before I had repented which is why like, you know, when you come to Jesus Christ, you do need to repent. It's very important. We're seeing a lot of false doctrine where people are saying, you know, you don't need to repent. It's a work. you know, you just have to realize that you're in a sinful state and that's it. Like, well, no, I realized that I was in a sinful state but I did not receive the Holy Spirit until I acknowledged that, you know. So, you know, there's a lot of false doctrine about repentance but I'm so passionate about this because this is what I know for a fact separated the veil between me and my Father and so eventually, I got on my knees one day. This was August of 2020. I said, Jesus, I believe you're real. I believe you're God. I'm asking you now to forgive me of all of my sins that I've ever committed. Within literally a millisecond, like, I received the Holy Spirit, and I didn't know it was the Holy Spirit at the time, but I felt it was crazy. Every time I talk about it, I feel it all over again because He rejoices within me, you know, whenever we acknowledge Him. And I just received the most immense amount of love, joy, euphoria. Like I did a lot of drugs in the world. This was like, this was incomparable. The Holy Spirit is incomparable to any temporal, temporary I should say, pleasure or euphoria that you get. This was a euphoria that lasted with me forever. 4 years ago, it still lasts with me today. but I felt the tangible presence of God. I started bawling like a baby, like a baby because it was happiness and it was like I was in the presence of my Father for the first time and I literally like I was just childlike, like bawling, weeping. Had to get off on my knees, go blow my nose with some toilet paper because it was getting messy. I didn't know what happened to me. I was shocked. I'm like, what the heck just happened? I had no answers until I read the book of Acts, and then I was like, oh, that's what they call the Holy Spirit, you know, the part of the triune Godhead. I didn't know that at the time though, you know, but I felt Him though. And after I had that encounter and I learned who that was, that that was the Holy Spirit, it clicked in me. This is 110% real. Like it almost put like a lock on my faith, like a very secure lock, one of those high-tech, you know, locks that you pay a lot of money for to where like I was so locked into the fact that like this is my destiny to know God, to love God and to tell the world about God and from that day, I never stopped and I always get excited thinking about it because like just to remember that encounter, just to remember that experience like it just overwhelms me still, you know. His power is eternal. It's timeless. His knowledge, His wisdom like so no matter how long ago that was, I still feel the same sense of joy today that I did during that time. Yeah.

That's such a powerful testimony. When I hear my story out loud, I then go, man, what a crazy place to be. So my series of events, and that's what I can say is it was a series of events leading up to my encounter with the Lord. It was very, okay, I'm at a place where I'm like, things are just dark. I'm somewhat of a teenager, young adult, have nothing going on for me. And I'm just hanging around the wrong people. But I did have people in my family, example of my cousin Jessica, who is Patrick's wife, always invited me to church, the Paramount Building back in California, and always that nudge like, come to church, come to church. And it's funny, I remember one time I went as a 12 or 13-year-old. I didn't really like it because my whole background was like, I had don't care for this person called God or Jesus. Who are they? And I filled out one of those follow-up cards. And funny enough, Diga, I think you were on that team or something that would follow up to people.

Wow.

And now that I think about it, I go, I think that was Diga that called me. And he called me saying, hey, just want to know if you're going to church this Wednesday or Sunday or whatever. And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. And I hung up and I never went. But now I'm confident. And I think that was you. That was part of the vibe, man. But, and then it was just a series of events. Like, I have nothing going on in my life. I would always get invited to church. I ended up going to church one time and this was a different church and it was all for the wrong reasons, going for some women and just always being curious about what is it that people like about this? Like me, whenever I was at church, I was like, this isn't real. What are these people worshiping? Like, these people are crazy. Like, they have no life there. this is a cult. And that was my thought. But things didn't go well with this relationship. And then I was like, let me go try her church again. Years had passed. I was like, let me just go. And nothing crazy happened. I would go to church, hear Pastor Omar preach and think nothing of it. Like I would just, and I think Steven was worshiping at the time too.

Probably.

And I just wasn't like thinking much of it. I was like, come and go, come and go. I'm like, let me try this out. What's the worst that can happen? There came times where even where you had your own services or you were the guest speaker and you would minister and I didn't know you at the time and I would hear you preach and people were just falling over. I'm like, what is going on? People praying in tongues. You're like, you're praying for the fire of the Holy Ghost. And I'm like, these are terms I've never heard. And I'm like, what's going on here?

This is advanced Christianity.

Yeah. I'm like, man, this is very crazy, but I'm just observing everything. And I remember one time at one of these particular services, Diga is praying for people, and I don't think he remembers this. He prayed for me, and I felt this overwhelming sensation that I now know is the Holy Spirit. It just come on me, nothing crazy. I leave service, and it's just, I leave with more questions. I'm like, what was that?

Yeah.

And for me, it was just a series of events going to church, being intrigued, curious, what is this? And finally just going one service going like, let me just give my life to God. Let me go to the altar call and give my life to the Lord and just see what happens. And I just give my life to the Lord and nothing radical happens at the altar call, but I give my life to the Lord and I just go on, continue to go to church, continue to serve. And To this day, not that I don't experience anything supernatural, to this day I know I gave my life to the Lord. I serve him faithfully. He's done amazing things in my life. He's touched people's lives around me in such incredible ways. And I go, man, this is a testament of what God has done in my life, even though it wasn't this crazy supernatural encounter. Like, I hear people go, oh yeah, I got saved and, you know, I gave up drugs that night and stuff. Like, no, I still had struggles. I still had encounters with people that I shouldn't have met or been in contact with. But it was just a weekly thing, a daily thing going, Lord, I give you my life. I trust you with it and you do whatever it is you want with it.

So you placed your faith in him and he began to sanctify you day by day from there. Now, before Steve shares his, I'm curious, you talk about being in a dark place and you're mentioning this thought of having this I don't know if you use this term, but this is the impression I got where you're describing almost like this hatred toward God, disdain toward God.

Yeah.

Where did that come from?

I think a lot of my, I guess I can't say hatred and despising this idea of Jesus or God existing. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I didn't grow up in a household with 2 parents. I grew up with just a single mother. And I grew up always having some kind of hatred towards God because I was like, why would you allow this to my mother? I think it also stems from a place of like, God, why do you allow bad things to happen? I had a friend who overdosed on heroin and I hated God for so long during that time. And then one day He just touched me and I broke down and I forgave him and I said, sorry for putting that, you know, hate towards you and I grew up with all of this hate because I wanted someone to blame but at the same time going, why am I blaming Him if I know He doesn't exist, which is pretty crazy to think about it now.

So many people do that.

Yeah, it's wild.

Like they're mad at God, right? But you don't exist. That was me too.

That was literally me. Like it's so weird. I was mad at God for all these things that happened to me but then I'm also like, no, He's not real. So which one is it? 'Cause if he is real, like, why would you be mad at someone that's not real? I'm not mad at Santa Claus 'cause he's fake.

Yeah, so I look at my life and definitely complete opposite of all your guys' walks and testimonies, because as far as I can remember, I remember church Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, Saturday morning prayer, like that's all I've grown up in. But I look at it as a series of moments in my life as well, 'cause I can remember looking back and all the times I could have just left the faith, right? I mean, even as a kid, I've witnessed things that scarred me.

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I've witnessed things that, that scarred me, But I look back and I think what kept me on that right path? And I truly believe to this day, it was the prayers of my mom.

Hmm.

Because throughout everything I've dealt with, all my struggles, and I know we've all had struggles in our lives, I always remember the first thing my mom would ever do before anything was always pray. So pray before sickness, right? Like someone's getting a little sick. Oh nope, we're gonna pray. Or you're stuck in traffic, you're getting upset. I would never see her get road rage. She'd be like, you know what? Bless that person. She's the most kind, sweet person and I look at my life and I really like look back and I start to think, I always was on this path trending towards God and I could never understand why. I thought, oh, maybe it's the favor which I believe too, that and the grace of God.

Yeah.

But I remember my mom always praying for my life. me and my brother and my family's lives, always consistently throughout my childhood, throughout every situation I've been through, throughout every trial that I faced personally, I always remember her praying. And I think that's so powerful, the prayers of your family and the prayers of your mother. I mean, my mom specifically, again, if you don't know her, she's so sweet.

She's a saint.

The kindest lady. Even when I did something wrong, I never heard her raise her voice, which is the craziest thing. And so throughout my life and my journey, I always look back. I look back and I think I was always trending towards God. I didn't know why, but I truly believe it was the prayers of my mom that kept me safe. 'Cause again, there was avenues I could have went down, any avenue in life, right? But again, I truly believe that her prayers and over my life and over my brother's lives, they kept us in the path. And my whole family at one point was in church. my older sister, my dad was on the worship team, my mom was on the worship team, my brother was on the worship team, my sister's on the worship team. So like all I knew was church, church, church, which is an incredible thing. And you always talk about like saving or not dealing with all the craziness in the world, but because you're saved, that's your testimony. And that was me.

Well, yes, because growing up, you and I would hear stories. We'd have guest speakers coming in and, you know, the ex-drug addict, the ex-convict, the ex-whatever, this and that. And sometimes, I don't think this way now, but I used to think this way. You know, I would think, well, they have a testimony, but I don't. And so what you're referring to is when I say, your testimony is what God kept you from.

Yeah.

Because, and I think that's where you and I share some similarities. And that we grew up in church, there was that religious mindset. So that does raise the question though, you know, you're on this journey with the Lord, you're consistently in church. Sometimes that kind of can blur the lines.

Right.

Was there a distinct moment where you recognized this is where I surrendered my life to the Lord truly, or at least a season where you can say that that was so?

I can remember there was one key pivotal moment. For those of you that don't know, I have a brother that has muscular dystrophy and it's a terminal illness. He was supposed to be gone at 20. He's actually my fraternal twin. We're 33 now.

Wow.

So God extended his life and he's still doing great. But I remember I was sitting in my living room and he was sitting on the couch and I remember him saying, I just feel weird today. I remember looking at him like, you look fine to me, bro. You're playing your video game, whatever. And I remember a moment where he started falling over and because of the illness, what it does is it tightens up all your muscles. So it's hard for you to kind of move. He's wheelchair-bound.

Yeah.

And so I remember looking at him and he fell over completely and his eyes rolled back and I look at him like, dude, is he possessed? For a second, right? Because that's all I knew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's not breathing. And so my sister, I run and get my sister, call 911. He's pretty much like passed out.

Yeah.

Can't breathe. Come to find out, he pretty much almost died. His left lung collapsed because of the disease.

Wow.

And so he was working on one lung the whole morning and so I always joke with him. I'm like, dude, how did you play your video games with one lung?

Yeah. Wow.

It was crazy. It was a crazy moment and I remember rushing to the hospital. They take him in the ambulance. We get to the— it's like a movie in my mind. All my family ends up going and they say, well, you have 2 options. You can let him die, let him pass, or you can save him but he has to have a tracheotomy, which is again, it's pretty intrusive. They cut the throat open and they stick a tube down so he's able to breathe through a ventilator, a ventilation machine.

Yeah.

And so again, my mom calm as ever, always in prayer. She said, you know what? He still has his testimony to live out. He's still got people to save. Let's save his life.

Wow.

And so my family gathered around, we prayed like I said, and I remember he came out of it. So if you can imagine in his mind, he was passed out, wakes up, searing pain in his throat, can't breathe on his own. He's on a ventilator, completely confused. And I remember looking at him weeping in the corner. I'm like, I don't know if this— I can't believe. And that was a moment. And I call it the fork in the road for my life because again, all throughout my life, I had these opportunities to go off the path, but God has always kept me safe. And I think this was such a big fork for me. And this was the moment that I can clearly remember to this day. I look over to him, he's shocked, weeping, crying.

Yeah.

And I look at him, I'm like, dude, are you all right? And he can't speak because obviously he has the tracheotomy tube in his throat. And he just looks at me and I could hear whispers and he says, why are you crying? I'm like, what the— I got so mad at him. I was like, are you kidding me, bro? Look at you and he said, God's got me and from that moment, I was like, oh, there's my fork. I'm going back this way.

Wow.

That was the moment for me.

That's so inspiring. 2 things that are inspiring, your brother's words and the fact that your mom remain calm during that time because that's a true test of the fruits of the Spirit is when your child is in danger and you still remain calm. She needs to drop a tutorial for people.

Sounds great.

This sounds like an amazing—

We should have your mom on the podcast.

That would be something.

That would be great. Can we arrange for that?

I think so.

I would love that.

And then she can come in and share some stories. I'm already coming over with the ideas.

I remember 'Cause either you called me or you texted me, I don't remember, but you were giving me updates. And if I remember correctly, this was the turning point for him. After that, it was basically no more food, right?

So what ended up happening is he had a gastronomy tube because he couldn't ingest food anymore or digest it. So they cut a hole in his stomach. So he was hooked up to just straight whatever they gave him, just energy, right? The pouches, I don't know what they're called, I forget. So he has a tube in his throat. He has the G-tube in his stomach. And yeah, it was a crazy scene.

I remember that. And for your family, that was just—

It was intense.

It was crazy. I mean, you summarized it all in a few minutes. That was like days of mental anguish you summarized in just a few minutes. So it was an intense time for you and your family. And I remember one instance, I won't say who, only you and I will know. I was in the hospital visiting one of our friends. And one of our friends was having a medical issue that had him in the hospital for like a good week. And I remember I was actually, I actually stood a couple nights at the hospital with him so his parents could go back and get some rest. And so, I was in the hospital with him, you know, helping with the food. And if he needed something from his bag, you know, just basic things like that. And I remember just this, I understand when you're in a situation like that, so I don't wanna seem insensitive, that it can be difficult.

Yeah.

But the attitude was not the best. You know, it was very like negative and very cynical.

Yeah.

And I was trying to be compassionate and encourage him as best I could. But, you know, I don't know if I would have fared any better in that situation myself, but we get like this as people. So no condemnation or shame there, but that was the reality of what it was. He was being very cynical. And I remember all these visitors were coming, different pastors, different friends. Whole time, just cynical, cynical. And he's just kind of non-responsive to the encouragements they're giving. And your mom comes into the hospital. His mom, Patricia, comes in, sits down at the bedside, and she saw that he had a bad attitude. And so keep in mind, she was all of our Sunday school teacher, including this friend's Sunday school teacher years prior.

Yeah.

And she looks at him and she says, you know, I understand you're frustrated that, I know you're frustrated because you can't eat food right now. And it's been about a week. She goes, well, my son hasn't had food in years.

Oh my gosh.

And he'll never have another meal unless God heals him.

Yep.

But he has the joy of the Lord because he is encouraged. I know you're frustrated because you're in this bed. You can't get up and walk around on your own. My son can't even move his arms from the neck down. He can't move. And she's just encouraging. She wasn't saying it like in a condemning way, just saying, look, if he can do it, you can do it.

Yeah.

I kid you not, she walks out and his attitude shifted. Oh my God. From that moment onward, it shifted. And it was quite a scene. And so, yeah, I think your mom—

And hailing my food afterwards.

Thank you, Lord, for this meal.

Yeah.

Wow.

So it was quite a scene. So when he talks about his mom being a woman of prayer, a woman of the Spirit, very few people I can point— maybe my grandmother, Your mom, a few others who I can say, there's this very— they've reached this different level in the Spirit that it makes you go, wow, that's something else.

Don't underestimate those Christian moms, man.

Yeah, no joke.

Yeah, they take their walk seriously and those prayers, those mother's prayers, God really honors those too. Yeah, that's just wow. People need to see like people need to look at things through perspective like my situation could be worse, right, and I feel like a lot of the times, we don't have gratitude because we don't really understand how good we have it. Even me, I'm blind in my left eye and I don't focus on— I went blind when I was 9. I don't focus on, oh dang it, I lost vision in my left eye. At night sometimes, I will be so grateful that God at least saved my right eye to where I have the ability to see people, colors, like just see. Vision is such a beautiful gift. So when I look at how much worse it could be, I get ecstatic that God has preserved at least what I have and I think that's the mindset that, you know, many believers need to realize is like, hey, it could be worse. I mean one of the reasons why I'm so thankful I got saved is because it could be worse. I could be in hell and I'm not, you know. So praise God for that like but you know if we don't have that perspective, we kind of almost become accustomed and numb to the goodness of God. Sometimes you have to see how bad it really is to see how good He really is.

Nick, I say this completely like I say this respectfully, not to sound insensitive but when you came to Christ, Did that ever come to mind like a hindrance or anything like, oh God, why would you allow this in my life? Like yes, you experienced the joy of the Lord, you got saved but did anything because I know when I got saved, I would revert back to my old ways and go, God, I love you and all this but like you allowed this to happen. Why? Did you ever experience or deal with any of that?

That's a great question. I thought about it from my understanding of who God is. I know that It was not Him that— because God, I don't believe that God just gives people cancer or makes people blind or does these things to people. I don't. I can't see that in His nature. When He came down in human form, all He did was heal and cast demons out of people. He was the physician, not the one inflicting the disease, right. Even in the book of Exodus, He says, I'm the Lord that heals all your diseases, right. There's this old song. I love it. It's like one of the Benny Hinn songs. You are the God. Well, no, it's Dan, but then like they did a rendition of it. You are the God that healeth me.

Good one.

Like whenever I listen to that, like I just feel, and yeah, I know I'm one of those guys. I listen to the classic songs because I used to go to a church that like would do those like classic songs and I would look them up because I love them so much. So when it comes to like Christian gospel music, I'm like an old school guy but yeah, I love that song because like it just shows you the nature of God like He's always been here to heal. So studying God's character, His nature, who He is, I didn't blame God for doing those things. I had questions. Before I came to Jesus Christ, I did. I hated God for these things, right. But for me, it's like it's in the past. If God wants to heal me of that, amen, and if it's not, you know, if for some reason God doesn't want it, which I'm not saying God doesn't want to heal but you know how it goes like if I go this whole life without ever having sight in my left eye again, amen to that too. Just like Paul says, I've learned to be content in every situation whether I abound, whether I have lack like I'm just content in Jesus. I'm not content in what God can do for me. I'm just content in God.

And I love that there's faith for the miracle, but also faith in God's sovereignty.

Yes.

And I think this is, as I often refer to when talking about why some are not healed, this is the tension that we have to balance between believing for the healing and also trusting God when it doesn't happen like we wanna see it happen. So I say, Trust God for the miracle today. Believe he can heal me now. And if he doesn't, I just thank him that the miracle's gonna happen tomorrow.

Yeah.

And that's the posture of faith. And I see that in you. And I do believe that others will be encouraged and inspired by that posture of faith, my friend.

Amen.

Well, thank you for being here. And gentlemen, thank you guys for sharing such wonderful testimonies. And thank you for joining us for this episode of the Encounter Podcast. And until next time, remember, nothing is impossible with God.