Why 97% Fail to Achieve Their Dreams... (Part 1)

Foreign. Hey everybody, it's Jim Joslin, your host here at Contractor Radio and head coach at Contractor Coach Pro. So happy to have you guys on board Today. We have a very special episode for you. My two guests are near and dear to my heart. We're going to talk about something that might make people a bit uncomfortable. We tend to see things from the sunny side most of the time. So many of us are eternal optimists. We search out those things that seem to be successful so we can maybe follow that track. But very rarely are people vulnerable enough to talk about their failures. And we want to talk about that concept a little bit and why so many people have a tough time achieving their dreams. And I got two guys on here that I think are going to be uber helpful to making sure that we can deliver some good content for you today. Something that you're going to be interested in, want to pay attention to. And as always, our main goal is to help you get control of your business so you can grow your business and achieve personal and financial freedom. But before we do all that, here's a little message from one of our favorite sponsors, signpost.

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If you're a contractor out there and you haven't checked out Signpost, I would strongly suggest doing so. If you really want to engage your clients and prospects and create raving fans with your business, they are one of the best at helping you do so and their return on investment is far beyond the cost. So check them out, schedule a demo and add them to what you're doing as a contractor. Today we're going to talk about some tough subjects. The two guys that I'm bringing on, I have a feeling we won't all share the same opinions. There'll be some challenge, some a little bit of fight back with each one of us, but I think it'll be something that you enjoy and it's one of those topics that's just kind of near and dear to my heart because I really struggle at watching people not achieve what it is they're after. Their goals, their dreams, even some of the smaller things. And so we're going to talk about that today with our superstars. Nathan Thibodeau, Good afternoon. And John Townsend. Welcome aboard, guys.

Hey, happy Monday, fellas.

Glad to be here.

So for those of you that don't know our longtime listeners, no time callers, we have two of our coaches here. Nathan being my right hand man and really the true head coach here at Contractor Coach Pro. And we have John, one of our other head coaches here at Contractor Coach Pro. New addition, but awesome addition. It's culture and we've all, I would think, have experienced some failure. Have you guys felt that in your lives?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, so I'll throw myself out there first. I can think of some pretty big ones. I went through a divorce, you know, I had a kid and those things were tough. And as life has gone on, I thought about why that failed a lot and came to some realizations that it's made my second marriage much better. Through setting expectations, growing up a little bit, and really putting somebody else first other than myself. I've had some bad business decisions, becoming partners with people I shouldn't have, chasing shiny objects too quickly, having a bookkeeper steal 538 grand from my business. I've actually filed bankruptcy in my life, so I'm being vulnerable here. I think a lot of people look at us hosts or gurus or whatever you call us, personalities. I hate the term influencers as like we all have the world by the tail, but it's not the truth. We all experienced failure. Nathan, how about you? Anything come to mind that like that's where, that's where I really messed up.

I too have gone through a divorce. And I would say that's probably one.

Of.

Probably one of the most impactful failures in my life is, you know, that, that marriage not, not working in that way, that was, that was pretty heavy. I haven't experienced a whole lot in the way of business failures per se. I've worked at a number of different places. I think that some of the, some of the other areas of failure in my life sometimes were a failure of character, not doing the right thing when I should have, you know, and I've definitely failed, you know, to hit certain people's expectations before. I have failed to hit certain numbers or to accomplish certain things in a certain amount of time. I've failed, gosh, I failed in leadership, in setting an example of my attitude, my actions. I've experienced a certain amount of that. I think it's a relative thing too, you know, I mean, people who experience failure means something different to a lot of different people based on what you've experienced.

You know, I think, I think. And you tell me, would that failure seem more impactful to us internally or to that, or do we. Or do others perceive that failure bigger in us?

I'm not sure I understood the.

So you fail at something, whatever that is, is it a bigger deal to you, to you, or is it a bigger deal to the impacted party?

Oh, man, I think that, that, that depends on the type of failure and who's involved in it. You know, some people might look at a bankruptcy and go, man, that's cr. That's crazy. Just a wild failure, you know, and you having gone through, you might look at it and go, you know, it wasn't great and I'm not proud of it, but at the end of the day, wasn't that bad. Right.

I'm kind of the other way around. Like when I mess up and when I do fail, I carry a lot of the weight on me. That, and I think I take it way harder on myself than others outside might look at it and go, that wasn't so bad. He messed up. But it looks like he's gotten things turned right where that thing still bothers me to this day. I did a lot to, to resolve it. But John, how about you, man?

Just a quick note there. Excuse me. Yeah. I think a lot of it determines on. A lot of it determines is determined by your level of ownership. Right. How much you take ownership of the failure.

Yeah, I could, I could have blamed a lot of people. I mean, I could have blamed a bookkeeper. I could have blamed the partnership. I could have blamed all the people that picked up and went and started their own business after that whole thing because. And like literally like started the business with the bookkeeper. And I'm like, dude, I got proof right here. They literally stole from like, I could say all that stuff, but I still own it. I'm the one that made the decisions that led to that. So it was a big failure in my world. I could sit there and wallow in my own self pity and be a victim or do something about it, and hopefully I've done something about it. How about you, John? What areas have you struggled? We're just starting right off with vulnerability here.

Failure, Listen, failure has been a part of shaping who I am. I think that's, that's first and foremost, that's a really critical thing to understand.

Right.

Is that, you know, the lessons learned from failure. I Once had a. A coach. You know, I played pro baseball, and so I once had a. An infield coach tell me he said experience is just messing up. He used a different word, but said experience is just messing up, learning from it. So therefore, I'm a very experienced player. He's like, so you need to think about that whenever you hear somebody say they're experienced. So that being said, I'm pretty experienced. I think, like, a lot. Like Nathan said, I mean, I've dealt with lack of performance at a job, in a role. I, you know, you could chalk it up to trying to find your place in the world or trying to find your purpose or who you are, but ultimately, when it comes down to the results, they're. They were lacking. Hey, you know, first and fore. I mean, I was a. I was a pro baseball player. I never made it. I never made it to the big leagues. Now, to a lot of folks, they'd say, yeah, but, you know, you played. You played in the pros. But to me, no, no, no, no. Like, you either got there, it doesn't matter how long you were there, either got there or you didn't. And I didn't. So there's a whole lot that can go into that if you want to, but ultimately, I just wasn't. I wasn't good enough. I didn't make it happen. You know, I didn't perform when I needed to, and I own it. I think one of the biggest failures, some of the. The biggest failures I've experienced in my life, whether it be like a character, a character flaw, or just a hard lesson learned, have been how I've handled conflict. And there. So I. I had a coach in college who was really, really, like, on top of me all the time. And it was, it was. It was a. It was a toxic relationship that I allowed to happen. Right? Like I had. I have to own that I allowed it to happen. And then ultimately it came to a head. So it was a pretty. It ended up. It did not end the way that I would have liked it, but there was. And I learned a great lesson from it. But that's. That's. I see that as a big failure of mine because it severed a relationship for at least a little while. And that's. I'm a very relational guy, so I don't want to do that. But I learned that my being relational, not wanting to step in, you know, to that and direct that conflict, ended up being the opposite of relational. It was not loving somebody else.

So I would say that might be at the root of all relationship issues is not addressing an issue or confrontation early on, like heading it off in the past. You kind of let it go. You let it go. It builds up, it builds up, it builds up, and then it's an absolute explosion where, if you would have just talked about the beginning, things might have gone better, we hope.

The other thing I will say, you know, playing pro baseball, you get out a whole lot.

Helps you understand failure a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. And I was that guy. I never saw a pitch I didn't like, so I struck out a whole lot more than you really should to play professionally.

So.

So that's. Yeah. Being able to understand, like, okay, you failed, but you've got to go out and play defense. Right. How you. How you bounce back and how you learn from failure every single time.

Yeah. My baseball and basketball coaches both harped on it, like, short memory, short memory. It's over onto the next thing that thing has in the past. So we've kind of all shared that, hey, we got problems just like everybody else. Hopefully everybody listening realizes they're not alone, that when they mess up and things don't go well. From a business perspective, you know, we work with a lot of contractors and a lot of those contractors, you know, varying degrees of failure and success. But I was reading the other day about the difference between dream and vision. That was one of those things that's always kind of important to me, and vision being kind of more focused on your business, maybe even on your life, and that you're striving kind of after something, and it's an achievable something like, boom, I can do that thing. And there was a study done, this is several years ago, that if you have a vision, your chances of actually succeeding at it are about 10%. You can increase that to up to 50%. The document said 70, but I don't think it's quite 70. But let's call it 50% if you write it down and share it with somebody. Accountability. But our dreams aren't always something that we may want to share with somebody else. It may be completely private and very internal to you, not from a positive or negative aspect, but it's just something that I want to do, and it's kind of a little bit held closer to the vest. And the dream being more about your personal lifetime fulfillment. We hear this example all the time. You know, if you're on your deathbed, right. What's somebody going to write about your eulogy? What would that be? Is that something that you would want to have written. And then also, what would you regret? You don't. You don't want to die with any regrets. And so that's kind of the way I look at a dream is like, did I actually achieve this thing I was after? And am I going to die with regret or not? You guys see it that way?

I see the dream. I mean, yes, yes and no. I. It's funny, I was having. My wife and I. Ashley and I were working on our. Our dream. Like, what are we really shooting for here? Right? What do we want this to look like? Our lives. Our lives. The lives of our four kids at their respective ages. You know, we late. We laid it out and we came to realize that when we were writing things down that our dream was a lot different than we had originally said it was. I mean, just, you know, for instance, we. We always said we wanted to have a house on the coast. We don't really want that because we'd like to stay in different places.

Can I stop you for a second there?

Sure.

Have you. Did you think about why you thought that was the dream? Like, this house on the coast, like, what was driving that?

I think it's just the. It's. It's like a definition of being rich. Like, of what everybody else tells you you should be wanting, right? Of. Yeah, I think that, yeah, it's the definition of success. Means you got a bunch of different houses and you go wherever you want, whenever you want. And ultimately we realize that, yeah, we want to be rich, but we also really like spending money on stuff. And we also really like to go to. On adventures. And so that means going to a different place, not having a house in the mountains, but finding different cabins every year or wherever we go. So I would. I would challenge that. Like, dreams are often not what we originally thought, and they can change.

Once.

We realize whether or not they are aligned with what we really love to do and hope to continue to do.

Oh, you hit on something I want to talk about. How about you, Nathan? This whole idea of not having regrets, does that have to. Have to do with your dream?

I. First of all, I. I do think regrets are healthy, so I'll take a little different kind of perspective on that. I do think it's healthy to look back at your life and go, man, I wish I hadn't done that. I don't think it's.

I don't think we're gonna say that.

I mean, I don't think it's healthy to dwell on it. Right. But if you can't look back at some part of your life and be like, man, that was a mistake. You know, I learned from it, and I'm glad I have that knowledge. But I would never recommend somebody do that. If you don't do that, I. Then to me, I would think you're probably lacking some introspection or you're wildly arrogant, perhaps. But, like, we should probably look back at our life at certain times and be like, I do regret doing that. I regret having said that. If you don't have any regrets, why would you ever apologize? We apologize because we regret having done or said something to somebody else. And so I believe that regrets are real and regrets are part of life. And so if you don't have any, then I don't understand what you could lean on to learn from in your past. Some people go, well, you know, mistakes are something you should learn from so you don't regret your mistakes. And I'm like, B.S. like, you know, you dumped all your money into this investment thing and then lost all of it. Are you looking back at that going, man, I'm really glad I did that, and I would rather not have that money anymore? Probably not. So that being said, I think that. That. I think those dreams change. That's the thing. Like, I think human beings don't generally get fixated on one particular thing in their life, and that's just going to be the thing until they're dead and they're going to chase after that thing. I think that they evolve. I mean, your dreams when you were a little kid, what did that look like? I wanted to go to Disneyland, or I really wanted to meet this sports player, really wanted to get an autograph baseball from this person. That would just be so amazing. And then, you know, you start getting a little older, and you're like, I'd really love to make the team, or I would eventually like to get into this particular college. And then as you get older, I feel like your experience and your worldview begin to expand. And as they expand and your understanding of your place in the world starts to shift. And so that dream can. Can. Can adjust and modify as you go. And so when you're laying on your deathbed, I mean, there's. I imagine somebody laying on their deathbed probably look back at their life and just be like, you know what? Like, there were some good times and there were some bad times, but I'm glad that I'm here. But a very rare. Like, you hear people say, well, you know, you're probably not gonna lay on your Deathbed and wish that you just spent one more day at work. Right. Unless, of course, your work is something that plays into that passion and that component of who you are. I mean, for example, and I was thinking about this, like, I'm in kind of a weird spot as far as dreams go. Personally, when I was. When I was in my early 30s. You guys may or may not know this. I'm pretty sure you do, Jim, but I got a small taste of what consulting look like and I was helping, excuse me, I was helping some companies and consulting with them from. From a software angle. And then I started to, you know, they would ask me questions about other parts of their business. And turns out I was pretty good at it. And so I got this small taste of that in the fulfillment that came from. That really started to excite me and I started going, you know what? This coaching and consulting thing, I really like it. I think that's super cool. I think that maybe one day I would like to do that. And so I had this dream in my mind that eventually I could be a coach or a consultant for other businesses and for entrepreneurs and business owners. And in my mind, I saw that thing happening somewhere in my late 40s and early 50s. That's what I expected to be able to build the experience. I started making decisions in my life, trying to get there. Lo and behold, 38 comes along and here I am. And now that's what I do 10 years early, earlier than I expected. And so now I've kind of found myself over these last couple of years going, I kind of hit my. I kind of hit my dream. I hit it 10 years early. Now what?

It's always the now what. That's the thing. And so I noticed whenever you were talking, you talked about the.

The.

When we were a kid and you had a bit of a theme to it there. There was a sporty theme to it. There's like, I want to play the game, then I want to be on the team. There was like that kind of stuff. I think that's maybe what we're looking for. I had no idea this conversation was going to go this way. Just you kind of took it in that direction. Is there commonality you see in the. Dreams evolve right over time, and some of them, like in your case, you've achieved it. Hey, here I am, right? I don't know if you're there yet, but. No, just kidding.

Well, I get paid to do it, so whether I'm any good at it or not, that's something else.

But is There commonality between the things that we strive for, that we can pin down, that can then really be the dream. And so I got a little bit more experience there. That word experience, right. In other words, I've failed a lot. It's something that I've really dug into here lately. I'm getting older, I'm wondering like, what does that end look like, right? And digging into this and everybody talks about, you know, for every success you have, you know, 10 failures and stuff like that, for the most part I've been really either lucky or smart or something, I don't know. But I've had more successes than failures. Like it's just gone pretty well and anytime I do fail, recover fairly quickly. So that, that's been, it's been eye opening, but I haven't felt fulfilled until this. And so as I, as I kind of dug in it, like why it was kind of a four or five year thing. I'd do it for four or five years. Challenge kind of went out of it maybe and looking for the next best thing or I'm actually creating excuses and reasons why I don't want to do this thing anymore or that type of thing starts going on and soon as that starts going on, the writings on the wall, like you're gonna be changing, you're just putting it off. And as I had some introspection over my most recent leaving, which was nine years ago, which is wild that it's been nine years, I started looking at it and going, what's, what's common? What's the common denominator in all of these leavings over a four or five year time span? Whether they were leaving on top or on bottom, it didn't matter what was the commonality between each one and well, obviously one of them is me, right? The other one is in the successes. I had the opportunity to coach other people, every one of them. The success. I had opportunity to coach other people. But it ended up hitting a ceiling of how far I could go with that. There was a limit to it. It wasn't like I could only coach this group of sales guys, not all those other guys over there, but this group. And I could only go so far with helping clients, software company, right. Like I could only go so far with that. And. But I noticed that coaching thing like that was, and I thought it was, it was like I was headed at this go coach basketball thing because I coached a lot of sports and teams over the time as well up to college level. And I thought maybe that's what I was going to be after, but it wasn't really the sport, it was the coaching part. Have you guys noticed anything like that in your life? As you're looking at these things you're doing and you kind of, hey, I rise up. And you think about it like at first we're learning the thing, there's a lot of challenges. We're getting beat up and we're succeeding and we're going backwards and forwards. And finally we get enough competence to get confident, to feel a bit of comfort maybe. And then once that comfort comes, you're like, what's next? You guys seen some of that? And before you answer, we gotta take a quick break. We'll come right back when I get your answers. All right, little word from get the referral.

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I certainly have. I to me, it jumped out with and I'll admit I've, I mean, I went to three colleges I, I that was, you know, there was an injury and then a red shirt year and then a junior college year into the four year college year. And so three different colleges.

Work was.

A lot of that like what you said. It was getting in, learning, building confidence and competence and seeing success and then moving on to something else. There was a whole lot that's been the story of me to this day. But the thing that really jumps out at me is maybe not necessarily. Well, the commonality, as it were, was the role that I played at every single one of these stops. When I say that, I mean, like what role did I play on the team? Was I the superstar? Was I the role player? Was I? So I and I noticed that I was every single place I Went. I was kind of the utility player. I was, I was very relational. I was the. The safety valve for guys who wanted to get things off their chest in English or in Spanish. That's why I had to learn Spanish. The Latin guys needed somebody to talk to as well. But I. That's. That's what I noticed. And so whether it was on in sports or in the business or in the business world, there was just this commonality that. That's the role I played. Every stop that I, That I made, I would get on a team, I would earn the respect of those there. I did well, sure, I performed. But ultimately there was. There were these relational aspects of helping people feel safe, bringing value. Right. Offering advice and timeliness and caring. Being a show, being just a, you know, being somebody they could offload things to was. Was always. And helping somebody feel safety and safe and understood has always been just a critical to me. And then. And also a lot of the times that was playing the role of the person who bridges the gap in communication between leadership and everybody else. Right? And I really got. I got a lot of. I get a lot of fulfillment out of that. So it doesn't matter what team I'm on, I would eventually find my way into that role. I think that it's really critical. Everybody out there who started a business, who started their contracting business, or you are, You're a team player, you're. You're a teammate on it in a contracting business, that you can think like that too. You can look back and say, you know, look at where you came from. Even in high school, if you got. Got into this right out of high school, what role do you play in your friend group?

Do.

Do you typically play your previous jobs or if you played sports on the sports teams, what role did you play? What role did you play that made you feel good, right? When you felt like you were bringing your most to the team, right. Or to the organization, it could be flat out superstar Michael Jordan leading like that, but. Or it could mean something different. And I, And I would just say that you can't abandon that. Just because you're now business owner doesn't mean you should abandon who you are and what you really excel at, I think. And that could, that could facilitate your leadership and what kind of leader you are. But that's been the commonality for me that I've noticed you.

How about you, Nathan? What role have you played?

I've played a lot of roles. I've definitely been. I've definitely been the reliable cheerleader who's always on board. I've been the person that gives the pushback before for certain, you know, when it, when things were coming up or ideas are being made and somebody's got to step in and point out some things. I've played the role of the trusted advisor before and I think, you know, amongst, at least in my friend group, I probably have that one quite a bit where if somebody really wants to ask some serious or deep questions about some things, they tend to come over and talk to me about that kind of stuff. And I, but I've, you know, I've played the villain before too. I, I've been, I've been the, the bad guy in, in, in some people's lives before as well. And I don't mean bad guy in a good way. I mean bad guy in a bad way. And so it's, you know, I played a lot of different roles. And the one, the common thing I've seen for myself was it didn't take too long before I figured out that grow, like financial growth didn't really matter that much. It matters as far as you got to pay your bills and you got to take care of your family. So that I believe in 100%. So don't hear me that wrong that way. But at the end of the day, the thing that I started to discover very quickly, excuse me, was is this next move going to, going to create an opportunity for me to grow? I was, I didn't take very long before I started becoming very concerned with, with my opportunity to try, try my hand at different things in life, different positions, different areas of expertise where I could learn and whether I could grow as a person by either taking this job or moving to this position or shifting to a different company. And money was actually a secondary thing. I cared less about the money as I did whether or not this thing was going to be an opportunity for me to grow as a person. Because if I can grow as a person, that means I have more to offer. And the more I have to offer, the more I can benefit people around me and everything else will probably take care of itself.

Yeah, the more valuable you become. So I'm going to go back and you said he played a lot of roles. Any of them that gave you joy?

I like, I like the deep conversations. I like the deep conversations. I like the deep thinking. I like vetting out and parsing ideas and I like helping people. I had a, I had a conversation just a couple weeks ago with somebody who is asking for advice on how to deal with, with Being a female, a young female in a company full of dudes who are all older than her and had also been there longer than her, but she was their boss. And so she was having some struggle with these guys. And so we started talk, that's where the conversation started. Where the conversation ended was a wildly different place. And, and, and, and the moves that she may need to make now in her life based on where that went. That right there, not that I like to jump in and just upheave everyone's world, but that kind of stuff right there, that excites me. I love that that's real impact in people's lives because you know, you can, you can teach somebody all kinds of different things and some of those things are going to have a major impact and some of them are going to have not so great an impact. But that kind of stuff where somebody's life is like that, that's big for me. I love that role as much as I can play it.

That's so wild because I know who you're talking about because I have the same conversation.

I know, I'm trying to be careful.

No, like we didn't know that. Each of us talked to this person. That's pretty.

Well, I just want to throw out there that like Nathan, to me, these skills or these commonalities that we've both talked about are what we leverage in our roles now, right? Like in coaching and like I leverage my ability, the, you know, lowering resistance and creating safety and engaging in vulnerability and offer, you know, and offering advice and your ability to go deep right quickly is, is, can be so challenging and so inspiring. So I, it's, it's. I just, I just don't want to be lost on the listeners and the viewers that like your, your commonalities of who you are, what brings you joy and what you're really good at, they fit really nicely into your current role. If you, if you allow, if you're intentional about it.

I heard somebody, I heard somebody put it this way and I thought it was very interesting and this is a very self discovery type exercise. But what, what are the things that you do as a person that it does not matter where you are or what happens to you, you're going to do that. Like if somebody just picked John up, went pulling you out of Florida and I'm gonna go drop you in Japan where you can't speak the native language and you don't know anybody, John is still going to be John. Like he's still going to do the things that are John, like, what are those things? Is really. It's a heck of a question to ask.

Okay, I heard you put John on the spot, but I'm gonna put you right back on. What would those things be for you?

For me, it would probably. It would probably be developed impactful relationships as quickly as I can get plugged into people and groups of people by wanting to positively affect their life. I seem to kind of do that regardless of where I am. And I'm. And I do think that I'm genuine about it. People don't think I'm just trying to get some dirt on them or that I. Or that I want to know about them for the purposes of leveraging that knowledge against them. I don't feel that way. I don't want that. And I think that that comes across. And so I think people trust that and they want. They enjoy that. That level. And I think I would do that. I would probably find. Find people who needed help and relationship and probably connect that way, no matter where I'm at.

Can't wait to give my answer to this. John, how about you? You got picked up. What would you do?

Picked up and dropped in Japan.

What would. What would. John.

Google Translate, you know that and leverage that immediately get really good at it. No, likewise, I think that I would quickly be able to empathize that. Hey, I feel like I'm in a new place. You know, I think I would draw out empathy from others. I'm in. I'm in a new place and this is. I need safety, you know, I need. I need people, I need support. I need. I. I want to enjoy it. You don't have to like me, but I want you to like me. And then I would. Yeah. And ultimately build from there. Just build a network of people that. This kind of what I do now is it just build a network of. I feel like I'm that guy that has a. A bunch of close friends, right. That spread out all over the place because we played ball together and they live everywhere. But like a lot of people that I would say are my best friend. So I think that that's. Yeah, that's where I would. That's how I would. That's. Yeah. If you put me in the middle of nowhere, I would just find somebody, you know, draw out some empathy and get some help. Get some help and then offer to help. How can I be of value? Right?

You two had very similar answers. Like you kind of plug in, right? Connecting and all that. So opposite I would be like, where's the closest fly fishing or thing I can do outdoors by myself. Where's the closest golf course? Jim would definitely find a place to play golf. I would also problem solve, like, anywhere. Like, that's just a natural thing for me. Anywhere I go, whatever I'm looking at, whatever I can go to a restaurant. I'm like, they could improve that. Or here, here. What do you guys think about doing this? And do it from a very question asking situation. Just kind of always how I've been wired. And whoever was crazy enough to hire me would. What they're going to get from day one is like, hey, how do we make that more efficient, more effective, get more out of it, use our time more wisely? And that would be regardless of wherever I'm at. It's just, I don't know, a little different, I guess.