How to overcome imposter syndrome with hypnotherapy; explained by Michele Molitor.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Unnoticed Entrepreneur with me, Jim James. Today I'm delighted to be joined by Michelle Monitor, who is in San Francisco, just south of San Francisco, and people have dubbed her the Mind Detective. And we're going to talk about mindset and how we can overcome limiting beliefs as entrepreneurs. Michelle, welcome to the show.

Hey Jim, thanks so much for having me. It's great to be here with you today.

It's wonderful and love to think of you. I know you're just southeast of San Francisco. What a beautiful part of the world to be in. For the unnoticed entrepreneurs around the world that are listening to the show, how do you help entrepreneurs overcome the anxiety of getting noticed?

Well, in a nutshell, I basically help them get out of their own way by rewiring their thinking, what they're telling themselves about what's important or not important about getting themselves out there. We all have these internal dialogues of, oh, who am I to talk about that? Right? Even despite all of your accolades and successes in your career, so many people have this feeling of, oh, I might be a fraud. Someone's going to find out I'm just making it all up. So we get in there and through a combination of skills and tools that I bring to the table, we're able to identify the root causes of their anxiety, their fears that are preventing them from really shining fully and stepping into the spotlight where they belong. Not that they need to be there all the time, right? Our introvert friends don't want to live there, but they can step in and step out, but making sure that they can do that confidently without the, oh, that shows up sometimes for people.

Well, I think that, oh, shows up for most of us most of the time, really, Michelle. I think that's why it's so wonderful to have you on this show. I'd love to ask you how you do it, but first of all, just share with us, can you, one of your clients as a case that you've helped and the results, and then we'll talk afterwards about how you've done it.

Sure. So I had one client I worked with just last year who was a successful person in the insurance industry, had been in the business for 30 years, knows his stuff backwards and forwards. And yet he was waking up every morning really early with anxiety. Fearful of going to work, fearful of getting it right. And he finally reached out to me and was like, please help me. I don't know what else to do. And over the span of 90 days, we were able to get at the root causes of what was creating that anxiety and literally rewire his thinking at a subconscious level, literally building new neural pathways in his brain so that he could Go to work confidently, easily. He stopped procrastinating. He started exercising again. He started playing his ukulele again, and his business massively increased because he was able to let go of the ideas and the limitations that he'd been carrying around in his mind literally since he was a kid. So we all hear, "Oh, it's all your parents' fault," right? Well, sometimes it is, and even though he said, "Oh, I've handled that. I forgave my mother." for her bad behavior, but there was still a lot of trauma in there that had been unnoticed and not dealt with. So we moved all that out of the way very easily and quickly so that he could find a new place to stand with greater confidence in his work.

Well, that's a wonderful case study. And you're right, as people get older, ironically enough, I find myself sometimes getting more anxious, not less anxious, because as a youth I had inexperience and didn't know things would go wrong. As I get older, I actually find I'm more anxious about what I think might happen again. Michelle, you talk about hypnotherapy. Why don't you just help us to understand, you know, what really happens when you work with a client on changing the pathways in their brain? Just take us through that for those of us that aren't familiar with it.

Sure. So I take a unique approach that I call rapid rewiring, which combines hypnotherapy and coaching. Over a period of 90 days to 6 months typically. And hypnotherapy is simply a way of accessing your subconscious mind. I work over Zoom with all my clients globally, and you're just listening to the sound of my voice, goes with you, Jim. And I take you into an alpha brainwave state. It's that half awake, half asleep place when you've just woken up from a nap, right? You're aware of your surroundings, but you're really relaxed. And in that place, I'm able to talk with your subconscious mind to get at those root causes of what causes those fears, those phobias, that anxiety, even physical manifestations of those beliefs. And we change your mind about it. We neutralize the energetic emotional charges, right? And then tell your brain new things and then rewire your brain with new beliefs over 30 days with a specialized customized recording that I make for each of my clients that they listen to as they drift stuff to sleep. So your brain does all the work while you sleep. It's very easy.

Well, you make it sound easy, but also at another level, Michelle, I know we do a lot of work when we do sleep. Our brain does a lot of overnight thinking, doesn't it? And rebuilding. Michelle, you talk about the rewiring, but when people are already established, say after 30 years, like your client, they have a business, but they also have maybe a partner in their business or at home. How do you help them deal with the environment that they've built around themselves that was supporting that behavior?

That's a great question, Jim. So first and foremost, it's about bringing that behavior up to a conscious level because oftentimes we don't realize that we're unconsciously engaging in those kinds of negative behaviors that keep us triggered, that keep us Our amygdala going, oh, do I have to run? Do I have to fight? Do I have to freeze? And so when you start to understand the behaviors and the why behind what created it in the first place, then you can start to see things through different eyes. It's like taking the blinders off. And I teach people how to then respond thoughtfully versus reacting from that trigger point, that gut reaction. And that enables people to start to shift those communications, shift those dynamics. And sometimes things brings people closer together. Other times people start to see, you know, this is really too toxic of a relationship in whatever form that might be, whether it's personal or professional, and it might be time to step away from it or let it go altogether. But everybody's case is different.

Yeah, I can see that. We all build a support network around ourselves. And from what you're saying, that may be inherently unhealthy and may need some change. Are there some interim steps that people can take, Michelle, on that journey to help them to identify what may be counterproductive elements within their behavior? Are there some things that we can try out? If you like.

Absolutely. First and foremost is noticing what's the conversation that you're having with yourself in a dialogue that you're having with someone else. Do you find that internal conversation is you're trying to, wait, let me come up with a clever response, or let me show that person, let me prove to them. Just noticing the energy in your own body. Does it feel tense? Does it feel argumentative? And so you get to notice just that and then choose, is that healthy for me to always being in that, oh, that poofed up state of wanting to fight? Not necessarily technically, but you know what I'm saying?

To be confrontational.

Yeah. Right. To be confrontational in whatever form that looks like. And so it's just creating that, the first step is just awareness of noticing how does my body feel? What is the energy my body telling me? And do I like it or do I not like it? Because if you don't like it, then what's a different thought you can tell yourself that shifts that energy?

So some awareness. What about the need to write things down? You've mentioned getting a video or an audio for your clients. If someone's doing it offline, what do you recommend they do? Should they be recording this or writing it down some way, Michelle?

Journaling is a really powerful tool to help you notice what's the inner dialogue that you're having. So just take some time every day with a blank notebook, you know, what am I feeling today? Or what do I want to create today? And just doing that free flow of thoughts, getting it out of your head, and then you can look at it and go, oh, well, that's surprising. I didn't expect that to come out. And then from there, That helps increase that awareness. So then you can make different choices.

I want to ask you a question around being an entrepreneur and the mindset that we have. People on the whole haven't grown up as entrepreneurs. And yet it sounds as though many of the triggers we have emotionally come from our childhood. How do you reconcile, if you like, that we're often in positions as adults, as entrepreneurs running companies, pitching for a business, asking for money against childhood experiences that are not necessarily entrepreneurial. Can you give us some guidance or some examples there of how today's present situation might be hindered by events or people in our childhood?

Absolutely. Another client of mine, she's had her business for several years, but she's had Her invisibility cloak on, hiding out a little bit. What was holding her back was this anxiety. And when we got into it through the hypnotherapy, what we found was because of the beliefs that she had adopted from her mother growing up. So the ideas that she adopted, the thinking that life had to be chaotic, life had to be a particular way. And when she realized, oh, I don't need to carry that belief forward. It wasn't mine to begin with. It was my mother's. And she just let it go. And then we rewired her thinking and her perspectives around that. She has been able to step much more boldly into building and growing her business. And in the last 6 months, her revenues have skyrocketed like she's never seen before. So it's amazing how those old beliefs, and it might've been something a teacher said to you in first grade or a sibling or a parent. It doesn't have to be your family of origin necessarily. You may have gotten bullied when you were in middle school or in high school, or even in college. All of those things impact us. I got bullied out of my corporate career. 20-something years ago. And it created a massive case of imposter syndrome for me, which is what led me to coaching and why I'm so passionate about helping people find their voice and stand authentically in who they are. So it always goes back to some kind of incident somewhere that you create a decision about yourself that I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy, or who am I to do this?

Michelle, that's really interesting. And yeah, when I was a kid, I also got bullied. And we lived overseas many times and coming back into the UK from Africa and America each time, always like the new kid, created a new set of challenges. And listening to you making me think whether that's how I've done that with my adult life as well. How do you help somebody that has, if you like, a recurring pattern to start to believe that they can do it differently? It's one thing to say we're going to reprogram you. But you need to work on the self-confidence as well, don't you? So how do you do that, Michelle, so they're not afraid of falling back into the familiar haunts?

Absolutely. Well, by neutralizing the emotional charges around an old belief, it's your history. It's the story that you've been telling yourself. And you neutralize that and then you tell yourself a new story. I'm not in that place anymore. I'm not experiencing that. Bullying that I experienced when I was a kid. And it's about getting present, like, oh, right. Feeling your fingers and your toes. Here I am right now as a grown adult. I'm safe. I have a roof over my head. I have everything that I need. And so we start to do that in the hypnotherapy sessions. And then I create a customized recording that has a particular tone and cadence and words specific for that client for them to Rebuild their confidence, overcome whatever it might be for them. And as they listen to it every night, as they drift off to sleep, that repetition is what builds new neural pathways in your brain and drops it down into your long-term memory. So it becomes a long-lasting change for people.

So are you saying that by listening to this at night, the brain is actually taking in what it's hearing and you are actually reprogramming old memories?

Yes. Your brain is always on. It doesn't put the closed sign when you fall asleep at night. Your subconscious is always listening. It takes in everything that's ever happened to you and it's neatly stored in your subconscious mind. And so just like listening to a song on the radio over and over and over again, I know you can remember the song, the words to songs from 30 years ago, right? It's the same concept, but we're applying it with words that Empower you and lift you up and tell you that you are enough and that you're confident and you believe in yourself. And the more you listen to it and it sinks in deeper and deeper, sometimes it happens just like that. And sometimes it's this gradual shift that happens for people and they wake up one day and they're like, well, yeah, of course I can do that. Why did I ever think that I couldn't? And it's like the old way of being disappears. That's why I have people journal as they go through our work together. So they can see the difference in their mindset from where they started to where they end up. It's really beautiful to watch.

Yeah, Michelle, that sounds very powerful. Reminds me of when I moved to China, I listened to the radio at night when I went to sleep so that I could learn Mandarin. I got to say that it must have gone very deep because I still can't remember my Mandarin, but that's another story. Michelle, what about at an organizational level? Do you help organizations to believe in themselves? Because also collectively, We talk about culture, but companies can feel like winners, can't they? And companies can feel like also-rans. Any guidance for how you can change, we call it mindset, but really you're talking about self-belief, aren't you? And a fundamental self-confidence in the organization.

Absolutely. Yeah. I've worked with whole teams. I love giving inspirational talks to organizations as well to help them find new perspectives, to take the blinders off. We get caught in this tunnel vision. of how life is supposed to look or how we're supposed to be inside of an organization. And when you can pull back those blinders and have everyone aligned to the core values of the organization, but for themselves, making sure that there's that alignment, then it's much easier for everyone to get on board, stay on board, and find that intrinsic motivation that comes from the inside out. And then as the saying goes, you know, a rising tide lifts all boats.

Michelle, that's wonderful. I love the idea of a whole company all lying down at night listening to positive thoughts. Now, what about you as an entrepreneur? Let's shift tack slightly. How have you been building Nectar Consulting as a brand and your own consultancy?

Sure. So I've been doing it for 20 years and I love speaking. I love writing. I've co-authored a couple of books. And I love doing podcast interviews like this just because it's super fun to talk about this. People aren't really very aware of the power of hypnotherapy. I think it maybe has gotten a bad rap in the movies, perhaps. No, I do not use a swinging watch or a teacup or anything. And so speaking and writing, sharing out inspirational ideas and thoughts via all my social channels as well.

So Michelle, that's wonderful. You've certainly done that for me. And I think you've also removed some of the sense of mumbo jumbo and some anxiety that you're going to be hypnotized and somehow wake up being controlled by somebody. I think that's what most people are worried about, that they're going to lose control.

You're always in control. At any moment, as I take someone through into this alpha brainwave state, you're able to answer my questions. You hear everything that I say, but your body's just really relaxed. And some people drift off into, I call it hypnoland, but you're always present. And in any moment you can come back to your full awareness. So I'm not controlling anyone. I'm just merely having a little conversation with you where your conscious mind is taking a nap and your subconscious mind comes forward and we're able to get at those deeper root issues that no longer serve your health and wellbeing. Your confidence, your success.

As you say, Michelle, you're helping people to sort of get out of their own way and let the good times come back and forward. So Michelle, that's fabulous and fascinating. If you want to find out more about you, where can they do that? Sure.

They can always find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, my website, nectarconsulting.com or michellemolitor.com. I got 2 different places you can find me and gobs of stuff out there to share. So I'm an oversharer, Jim. I love to share things with people.

Well, I don't think you could share enough, Michelle, because it's wonderful. And thank you so much. You call it nectar. It's been absolute nectar for us today. Thank you so much for joining me, Jim, on The Unnoticed Entrepreneur and sharing all the things you've been sharing today.

Thank you so much, Jim. It's been a joy to talk with you today. Appreciate you.

It really has been. So you've been listening to Michelle Molitor, and that's, by the way, Molitor with one L, M-O-L-I-T-O-R.

And I will put Michelle with one L as well.

Oh, there you go. It's a low Scrabble score, as we were talking about earlier. So 2 L's, but one only in each word. And we'll put her details. And thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Unnoticed Entrepreneur. And until we meet again, just implore you to keep on communicating.