[Bonus Episode] The Talk 2.0: What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Menopause with Dr. LaKeischa McMillan

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I'm assuming that the majority of women listening to this show qualify as super women.

Yes.

If not all of them. And probably didn't sign up for it. I always say I did not sign up to be Superwoman. That's not. Nope. Right.

I'm raising my hand at that one. Yes. Yes.

Hey, it's JJ and welcome to Ask the Health Expert. But this isn't just any old Ask the Health Expert session. This is your bonus session. Yes, it's the weekend and because it's the weekend, we are gonna take some time with an amazing expert. So be on the lookout for these Saturday Ask the Health Expert bonus sessions where we're gonna go deep into an amazing subject with an incredible expert to give you actionable items that you can put into your life. Hey, it's JJ here and today we are talking about menopause, but actually we're dialing back and we're really gonna talk about perimenopause and what you can do with so that you can slide through menopause rather than slamming into it. I just love that metaphor there. I've got Dr. Lakeisha Webb McMillan with me. I found her on Clubhouse and started watching her Instagram, she's hilarious. And then got on the phone with her. So I super excited to have found her to share with you because she's someone who's diving deep into peri. Menopause. What to do you know, with all that we know, never talk about like how we just don't talk about all these signs and symptoms, how to know what's real, what's not real, and more importantly, what you can do about it. So let me tell you a little bit about Dr. Lakeisha. She was born and raised in Huntsville, Alabama, but she has no accent, as you will see. She earned her undergrad degree in biology cum laude from Oakland College and then continued her studies out in Cali at Loma Linda University School of Medicine. She also is certified in the use of the Da Vinci robotic system for minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery. I don't say that three times fast. And she was awarded the distinction of resident teacher of the year, an honor bestowed by fellow residents. She's a gifted speaker, an ob GYN and hormone specialist, and an Amazon best selling author. And she has a passion for helping women who are struggling with depleting hormones get their hormones balanced, regain their mental sharpness, have an energy all day, and remember how beautiful and vital they are. And she has created a quiz that really helps you identify. Okay, are these symptoms of menopause is approaching or what? And you can take that quiz. I. I renamed the quiz. It's I renamed this quiz to the Am I crazy quiz. So this quiz, her free hormone quiz. You can get it at jjvirgin.com forward/periquiz P E R I quiz. She also has a book, the Other pms, your survival guide for Perimenopause and Menopause. I'm super excited to share her with you and we will be right back to dive into all of this juicy stuff. Stay with me.

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Dr. Lakeisha, welcome to the show. Let's do talk menopause, my friend. Awesome. Awesome. Okay, well, I love that you've, like, let's call this talk 2.0. What your mama didn't tell you. I'm saying, mama, what your mother didn't tell you about menopause. My mother told me absolutely zero, zip about it. I just remember her going through hot flashes other than that. And there was no mention of them. Like, I heard nothing. So I don't know what mothers typically do to prepare people, but, like, you know, I got nothing.

Nothing. Absolutely. That's typical what I hear. And you know, my mother and I have a really great relationship. I tease her sometimes, like, you know what? Sometimes you share a little too much. She actually had a hysterectomy early in her life, like right after my brother was born. And so I was old enough to remember because my brother and I have about a seven year gap between us, so. So I do faintly remember some of that. But there was really still never the talk of, this is what's going to happen with your body as you get older. These are some of the things as I've gotten older and married and things like that. She'll jokingly say to, oh, well, yep, welcome to the club kind of thing. But I realized, you know, being an ob GYN trained, you know, traditionally trained, and then transitioning to integrative gynecology, that, that this was just not the conversation that women had. Like, we have when it's time for us to start our periods.

Right. And why is, you know, it strikes me that would be a great book as we're talking about it is like, you know what your mother should have told you about menopause.

Absolutely.

Because honestly, you know, there's so much about it. And really. And I know we're going to talk perimenopause. It's like what your mom should tell you in your 30s and 40s so that this is a lot easier. Right.

Exactly. That is my mission. Oh, my gosh, jj, you just said it. I say this all the time when I'm talking to women in big groups, small groups, on platforms like these. My mission is to help you glide and not slam into perimenopause and menopause because a lot of Us were doing that.

And why is that? Like, why are we sliding? Like, slamming into it instead of easing into it?

What didn't happen, we don't know the symptoms. We don't understand the changes that happen as our hormones change. So we're given the talk about, oh, your body's gonna start changing because your hormones are gonna start changing. You're gonna develop breasts, you're gonna develop hips, you're gonna start feeling certain things. So we get that side of it. But then we don't get the talk about, oh, there comes a time where certain hormones start dropping. There comes a time when there the dominoes start falling, and this is how they show up. So that's really what I believe is my mission is to be that medical interpreter to help you understand how this looks on a daily basis. How does this show up for you? Well, it shows up like irritability, because if your estrogen's falling, if your testosterone's falling, if your progesterone is not going as high, you don't have patience, my dear, anymore. You don't have any more elasticity in your rubber band, so to speak, so that you can deal with the stressors of your regular environment. How does this look when your testosterone drops? Well, it looks like decreased libido. You can be meh about sex. And so that opens up a whole conversation for having a conversation with spouses. So that's what I'm talking about. Why we go slamming into perimenopause and menopause? Because we don't know how this looks.

Yeah. And people really aren't talking about it.

You know, it's one of those shameful conversations.

Right. Who wants to talk about, like, geez, like, I got no sex drive, you know? Right. I was really mean to my kids. Like, no one wants to have that conversation. So at what age does this start to just kind of peep out that, like, we should start to be. Start being aware? Because I feel like we can do a lot of good right now for women, you know, and that's what I'm saying is that women in their 30s, it's definitely in their 40s. When should you start to say, oh, you know what? That's actually a symptom of this?

That's a great question, jj. So I have come to find that you can start having symptoms in your early 40s. That's usually where you start seeing some significant symptoms that actually impact your daily life. If it happens before the 40s, then a lot of times we're using a terminology or A label called premature ovarian failure. So that's where you get into the textbooks, because we need definitions. We need to be able to identify things. So 40s, around 41, 42ish, is where I really start seeing my ladies and I start hearing the first of all. It's usually the I don't feel like having sex anymore, or it's the. The brain fog or it's the energy. It's just like, I am so exhausted, but I'm wired because I'm not getting the sleep, so. Because my brain won't turn off. So I'm wired, but tired. Whenever I say that, women look at me like, how'd you know? Like, who are you? Like, are you some.

I'm a mind reader.

Right. So it's around the 40s. So I tell women you can have some of these symptoms, a combination of symptoms, one or two of them that start peaking their head in their early 40s and can last for 10 years until you actually have that menopause, where we define it as 12 consecutive months without a cycle. That's the definition of menopause.

So in the 40s, what are some things that you could do that will make this easier? Since you've got all the early warning signs now, you've got loads of time to prepare. How can you and I really think that we need to think of what can we do to put our bodies in the best shape ever to go into menopause when you have no margin for error.

Right, right, right. Oh, these are great questions. I love this discussion we're having. So talking to my women, I have to really tease out what's the biggest symptom that they're dealing with. And so depending on the biggest symptom they're dealing with, then I'll start targeting certain areas, certain types of certain. I call them physiological processes in the body. So, for instance, most of us in our 40s, we're in that, go, go, go, you know, gotta get the job done. A lot of us are either entrepreneurs or mompreneurs or doctorpreneurs or whatever we're doing. And we're juggling a lot. So I tend to see that the stress pathway is really what's hijacking everything. So when I sit down with my patients, with my women, I tell them, hey, let's look at the stress pathway. Why not support the stress pathway, make sure that we have things on board, like certain supplements that are aptogenic herbs, adaptogenic herbs rather, that can actually give a nice big hug to the adrenal so that it has the fuel that it needs so that it won't hijack the rest of the system. And you can actually, you know, have this, take the reins back.

So here's another question. And you know, I just, I just was reviewing. So on my daily podcast, I do ask the health expert questions. And so I was looking at all the menopause questions today, and I was like, perfect, perfect, you know, And I think back to where we were 100 years ago and now, like where women are now, which, you know, more graduating from college than men, I think. Not sure I'm medical school, but I know in the functional medicine space, it's much more women than men, you know, but it doesn't seem like anything's really changed in the household situation. Like, we're still doing all that. Like, I was like, well, wait a minute, wait a minute. If we're the primary breadwinner, then shouldn't something change around the house? But it seems like we're still planning the birthday parties, make sure the dental appointments, all that stuff too. And so you look at, go that, look at that. Just compounding of stress. And so with a lot of the perimenopausal symptoms. How much of that do you think is because of stress? More stress than we were ever meant to have.

Oh, my goodness. I believe that 90%, 90 to 95% of it is due to stress. Because what stress does is it actually sends a signal to the body. The brain then takes this signal and goes, oh, what am I supposed to do with this? And it sends out an alert system and says, hey, she needs to survive today. Like, we gotta make sure that she has everything on board. So let's make sure that we take over everything. And so in my opinion, I think we poo poo stress and kind of say, oh, it is what it is. That's what everybody has to do. I just have to be able to juggle. And then there's that private shame that we have when we can't juggle everything, when we're trying to do the distance learning with the kids and we're trying to still, you know, see our patients on telemedicine or do telework with our clients or, you know, we're still trying to be the mom, the daughter, the sister friend, the sister, the cousin, where's. And then we have this private shame that we can't do it all. And it's like. But we don't say anything. And so that internalization happens. And again, stress signal. And the body goes okay, wait a minute. Maybe we're not doing it right. Maybe we need to rev up even more. And so I give the illustration that if you think of yourself as a car, the adrenal glands are the engine in your car. And you got to make sure that you take care of that engine or it will shut down and that will happen to the body. The body is like, wait a minute. Why have sex, have fun reproduced? We've got to make sure that she gets.

We're in a crisis state over here.

Right.

But before we go to how we can, I've got a little thing I want to talk about. Putting on our capes before we go there. We're going to take a quick break, so hang out. We'll be right back.

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So what I'd love to talk about, you know, as you were saying all that, I go, gosh, when. When did we become superwomen? Like, when did that happen? And you know, how. How do you. When you're working with your patients, I would imagine that part of your conversation is, okay, let's look at your lifestyle. This is making everything worse. So what do you do? Because I'm assuming that the majority of women listening to this show qualify as superwomen.

Yes.

If not all of them, and probably didn't sign up for it. I always say I did not sign up to be superwoman. That's not. Nope. Right.

I'm raising my hand at that one.

Yes.

Yes.

So what do you do then? So you've got these symptoms and, you know, you're talking a lot about how do we disturb, destigmatize all this? Like, you talk about shame, and we're living in shame, or we're not. How do we change all of this right now, where we're literally like, now, now, not only are you a mom and, you know, an entrepreneur, you're also a teacher. You know, teacher, housekeeper, cook. By like. I'm like, holy smokes. Come on. At what point is it just going to be like, crawl in the corner and, you know, suck your thumb.

I actually talk a lot about curating your healthcare team and putting the right people on your healthcare team. And so I'm very transparent with my own patients. And I tell them, look, so I'm gonna tell you what's going on with me. I'm gonna tell you what worked for me. And one of the things that worked for me was getting a meditation and mindset coach. And she has helped so much with the tools that she's given me. Something as simple as alternate nostril breathing has given me returns beyond measure. Something as simple as soft belly breathing. Because I could sit at the computer, I can be seeing patients for the afternoon and don't realize my shoulders are doing this, this, this, this, this. And when I have the minutes between patients, she was like, just do some alternate nostril breathing. She's like, literally, just take, you know, do, do that really quick. And that in and of itself has given me a minute to actually break, kind of like that amygdala type of loop. And I'm able to go, okay, and rethink. The other thing that I've done is I've gone back to therapy. I mean, like I said, I'm very transparent. And I've had a therapist for the last 13 years since my father passed away. Sorry, 12 years since my father passed away. And I go back and say to that, it's time for a tune up. You know, I need help. And learning to say that phrase, I need help, I didn't realize that when I said that in the past, I felt I had failed.

Right?

And so learning that, learning what your internal conversation has been to yourself is really, really, really important. And being able to tackle that conversation and change the narrative has been huge for me, has been invaluable for me. And then learning to say, I'm tired, I am tired, I'm tired, can't do anymore, and then learning what other restorative practices I can put into my life. And those are the things that I've been able to do that I share with my ladies. And I'm getting feedback that it really does work for them. I know it works for me, but it is working for others, too.

And you know what's interesting? You writing. And I'm going to say a prescription, right, for restorative activities. Like, I think we have to look at them in that light. I mean, now people would. They think nothing of, okay, I know I need to exercise. Okay, I know I need to eat healthy. We need to Be the same with, okay, I need to do some restorative yoga, or I need to sit in the sauna, or I need to take a bath with Epsom salts. Like, these things have to be put in place. And I think for so many of us, you feel guilty, right? You're so used to putting yourself last. And, you know, I didn't expect the conversation to go this way, but it really strikes me that, you know, I just wonder if in the time we are right now, if over the last 40 to 50 years, and especially over the last 20, if perimenopause has gotten a lot worse because of how we are all living.

That is a great question to ask. And I believe we all need to start asking ourselves that question in terms of our health. Have certain health conditions gotten worse or shown up earlier because of the stressors that we've put in our lives because of what we have to contend with on a daily basis? And I believe the answer is a resounding yes.

Yes, I would agree. And the lack of just even joy. I mean, one of the things, like, everybody listening. You've got to watch Dr. Lakeisha on Instagram. But it's hilarious. Your Instagram stuff is super fun. And it's like, we just get away from having fun and having joy. Two weekends ago, I had a bunch of girlfriends over. We literally had a DJ in the backyard. The neighbors are like, what on earth are you doing? Because I live on a canal, so there's boats going by. We have a dj. We all put on like goddess wear and headdresses. And we danced and laughed for eight hours, right?

Just laugh ourselves.

Like, it was so amazing. I thought, why aren't we do, like, we used to do this stuff. Where did it go? Where you feel guilty taking, you know, 20 minutes out to. To call a friend or to meditate. What happened? Absolutely.

We think about kids swinging on a swing set. Like, I. We went to a park here recently. The family, we just, we were like, let's go. It was afternoon. It was, you know, now it's spring. It's like, ah, let's go down. And the next day, I think I just. It was just me and my daughter and we decided to go. And the two of us just. We were just on the swings, just swinging. And I was thinking, like, we used to do this as kids. Like, the rhythm of the swing, the air in my face, the wind. And not. We weren't even talking to each other. We were just in silence and swinging in sync. And I said, this is what we used to do as kids, we used to run outside barefoot. You know, that was our way of.

Grounding in the ground. Right.

And so we have to get back to s some type of activity like that, like you said, where we just say, hey, I need to restore, I need to fill my cup. And however that looks for you, that will work. And it really has a physiological impact on your body.

So are you seeing that as you guide women through this journey and you know, help them, help them from perimenopause, gliding through menopause? Are you seeing this as one of the key elements that helps you glide rather than slam?

Absolutely, absolutely. I see one of the key elements is talking about it being able to feel that you have a space that's not judging you, where you are now validated that you're hearing that this is not just you, there are other women out here. This is. Is a real thing. And then saying, okay, I can actually take care of me. Like I don't have to spend out all of me, but I'm really being told in order to help my family, my community, I need to take care of me. I always talk about the airplane scenario where they're telling the safety instructions and they say to you, oh, if the cabin pressure changes and that little mask drops from the ceiling, I say, what do they say to you? Put on your mask first.

And why is it so challenging? Why? I don't know.

I don't know.

We all hear it. We do it on a plane in a second, you know.

Exactly, exactly. So, yes, I'm finding women are taking this information, they're feeling validated, they are feeling empowered because they're part of the medical conversation for their health. And then they have the tools to go forward and really feel different. They feel the results and they see the impact of feeling better has on the world.

And wouldn't you agree? Like, I can't think of a more important place where the patient has to be the center of their care. Like they have to be the CEO because they're the one that's going to know what it feels like, you know, I mean, when their estrogen drops. If you pay attention, you'll know what's going on and you'll see the difference of a day when it's completely hectic and you don't give yourself any space versus a day where you, you do and how it impacts everything. And it's. I mean, I think you probably agree, you don't those days where you think you've, like, you're so busy, it's not that you got more done, you know.

Exactly, exactly. It's like you. You feel like you've been spinning so much, and then you're just so exhausted, you're like, oh, and you just kind of like fall out like the baby that's ready to go to sleep. And you're right. You really didn't get that much more done. And so being able to take a step back and actually say, okay, what can I do today? And taking those moments, because that's the other thing that I've had to get through, is that you actually get more done when you take the moment in the day. So take that two to three minutes, that five minutes, and breathe. Take that time to have a yoga break, like go out on your balcony or go outside and take that break. You actually can. It really does add value to you and the day when you do that.

And you can just start with one thing, right?

I say that all the time.

Alternate nostril breathing. You could start with that.

I say, take one. I said, pick one thing that you are to do.

Going.

Going to do as. I said, I'm not going to give you a whole bunch of tools and just throw a lot of things at you. And then you get frustrated and you come back and say, Dr. Lakeisha didn't know what she was talking about. She has no idea. I can't fit all this in. So I say, I want you to do one thing. And then when we talk again, then we'll see what else we can add into your toolkit.

I love that. That is the best. I will tell you one quickie story. And then I want to talk about your quiz. I went to. When I moved to Tampa, I went to a new doctor in town who was a biomechanist, and he did this whole body evaluation and looking at everything. And then he said, okay, I'm going to give you your report and tell you what to do. I go, all right. He said, I'll send it to you. I'm like, okay, well, the first thing I got were six videos on how to breathe. And these videos ranged from 30 minutes to an hour, six of them. And then I got this 15 things I was supposed to do. So I go back and I go, listen, I'm not going to watch six videos on how to breathe. And, like, can you give me the most important exercise to start with? And then I'll do that, and then I'll come back and you can give me the next one. And then we'll just build on that. So he goes okay, I'll send it to you. I get five exercises. Five. And I'm like, clearly, this is not going to work. Just give me one. Just let me have a win. I want to win.

Exactly. You want a win. So that's what I tell them. Like, when you are able to do that one thing that actually is like a, oh, I can do that. I can do that. That I can do. And then when you get the next thing, you're like, well, I was able to do that, so, oh, I can do that too. That I can do. And it's so. I love being able to hear my ladies say, guess what? Guess what I did. Guess what happened when. And it's just this wonderful moment where they're just like, they got the win and they feel like they got the reins back and that life isn't taking off and taking them down the road and they're just behind it, going at 100 miles an hour.

First of all, I just love everything that you're saying, and I don't know why that we don't just feel comfortable talking about it and there's shame and how it's just. And then all of a sudden you get to this point, these things start to happen. You want to hide it. I'm like, you're about to approach the best time in life, so own it and celebrate it. So you do have this quiz. You kind of mentioned some of it before. And I love this idea of having a quiz that creates your personalized hormone blueprint. So we are going to put this. I'm not going to have them spell your name because there's too many opportunities for misspellings there. Oh, my goodness. So. So what we will do is we will put it@jjvirgin.com Periquiz that's what I will do. Periquiz. So jjvirgin.com. What are they going to learn when they take that quiz? Dr. Lakeisha.

Oh, my goodness. This quiz is going to help you to understand where you are right now. Like, what's going on is, you know, a lot of women are wondering, well, what I'm experiencing, is this really something that I should worry about? Is it not? And so the quiz takes you through the. Basically the three big systems that are affected when you go into perimenopause and menopause. And it helps to guide you to know whether or not it's time for you to talk to somebody. And so that's what the quiz does. It kind of gives you a little roadmap as saying, hey, oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, you know, so if you're starting to answer yes, and it'll tell you about, you know, how to interpret this, then you can start saying, okay, these are the signs. I'm in that age range. This is now time for me to take some action. So it gives you that, it gives you that confidence or that, that kind of. Yes. And that nudge to say, okay, it's time to take the next step and know what to do about what's going on.

Maybe it should be the I'm not crazy quiz.

Oh, I like that.

Well, I mean, because you're like, am I crazy? Or is this really, like.

Yes, absolutely.

AKA the am I crazy? Quiz. All right, so you can grab that@jjvirchon.com Periquiz P E R I quiz and obviously you're going to have to come back.

Thank you.

Now that I found you, I would love to. You are a gem. Oh, my gosh.

Thank you. Thank you.

You keep up that good work. We need more people like you out there doing this for all of us. So thank you.

I appreciate it.

There was your deep dive bonus episode of Ask the Health Expert. We will be dropping these bonus episodes as Amazing, Amazing Experts and incredible Titles Come to Us. You don't want to miss out on this, do ya? Stay in the know, be the first to know. Go to subscribetojay.com and I'll hook you up.

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