[Bonus Episode] This Simple, Important Choice Can Change Your Life with Mike Bayer

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While we're looking at what decisions need to be made, we're either going to view things as obstacles, which is more often than not. The reason why people don't really change their health is they'll say, I don't have time, I don't have the finances to get the right, I don't know how to cook whatever the obstacles are.

You know what, Mike? I had a mentor early on. At the age of 30, she goes, whenever you hear those that statement, just tack right on at the end of it so I don't have to right Foreign. Hey, it's JJ and welcome to Ask the Health Expert. But this isn't just any old Ask the Health Expert session. This is your bonus session. Yes, it's the weekend and because it's the weekend, we are gonna take some time with an amazing expert. So be on the lookout for these.

Saturday Ask the Health Experiment Expert bonus.

Sessions where we're going to go deep into an amazing subject with an incredible expert to give you actionable items that.

You can put into your life.

Hey, it's J.J. and I have got a special surprise for you today. I'm going to call this episode the Corn Nut Episode. I'm not going to tell you why, you'll have to listen. And I'll also tell you that there's a really cool free gift that my buddy Coach Mike Bayer is given to you. You can grab that@jjvirgin.com QueenJ and you're.

Going to have to go through the.

Little interview here to understand why I'm talking corn nuts and why I'm deciding to call myself Queen jj. This is a super fun interview with my buddy Coach Mike. He's a New York Times best selling author, TV personality and mental health advocate. His mission is to help people achieve sound mental health in order to become their best selves. In fact, he wrote the other New York Times bestseller, your best self in 2005. Mike founded Cast Centers, a leading dual diagnosis treatment center in LA. And he has a reputable track record of helping a list celebrities heal and recover. He also sits on Dr. Phil's advisory board and makes regular appearances on Dr. Phil. He also has another amazing book we'll be digging into today. It's called One the First Step to a Better Life. And I'm super excited to share Mike with you. You're going to see that actually feeling great in your skin and making those changes in your health is a lot more simple than you realize. So I'll be right back with Coach Mike. Stay with me.

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Coach Mike, welcome to the show. I'm super excited to have you with us.

Thanks, jj.

Okay. You know, I'm going to bust your chop a little bit here. Bust them because I just got to know. I got to know Coach Mike. I was on your podcast. We had a little go round on corn nuts. I think I made you throw those corn nuts away, like, while I was there. So, of course, I've got to know, and we're going to tell this story to all the listeners. But what happened with your corn nuts? When I met you, you kind of had a little thing with cornets. You ate them every day. I might have been a little horrified, insisted that you quit them. So that's what I want to know is, did coach Mike quit the corn nuts?

I did quit the corn nuts, and I did not realize corn nuts were fried. And I thought they were just this delicious, salty treat that was better than a, you know, a plantain chip or something. You know, I just thought it was really a good treat. But you. We eliminated corn nuts. I haven't had a corn nut since.

I love it, so. And yes, here's the thing. I mean, I find with a lot of people, they think that they're eating, making good choices, making healthy choices, and they just didn't know. So you eliminate them. And it brings me to, you know, a great question, because you are a Coach. You're on Dr. Phil coaching. You're on his advisory board. So how does someone, you know you were eating those every single day? They were these yummy, salty, delicious things you were getting into. So how do you set up an environment where you can just knock that off and not, you know, fall back into the prey of the corn nuts?

Well, I think the struggle for a lot of people is they can fall back into old patterns. I think what I've learned is, once you make a decision, I get pretty conscious about it. So I go, oh, I'm educated now. So I have some ability to understand that these aren't healthy for me and then make a decision to just not put them back in my body. So I don't have trouble abstaining from things that are not healthy for me, because I become pretty committed to a new way of life. And a lot of it is just getting educated. I feel like when we get educated about something, it surely helps. The problem for a lot of people is they lie to themselves. They lie, they believe.

All right, what are they? What do they make it up? What are these lies that they're telling themselves?

The lies are the very excuses that got us the same situation to begin with. So if I was telling myself a lie, I could go, well, corn nuts aren't that bad for me, but the reality is they are good for me. Or I could say, I deserve them. Why do I deserve to put something into my body that's unhealthy? That's a lie. Because what I deserve is healthy stuff in my body. So the lie is what's really tricky for a lot of people when they want to change behavior.

Ah.

And so you've been telling lies to yourself. Like, so what do you do to shift those around if you catch yourself doing this, first of all, I guess you got to catch yourself at it. Right?

Right.

And then what do you do?

Well, I think then it's, I mean, honesty, I think is the biggest step to change. And honesty gets thrown around a lot. But once we get really honest with ourselves, and this is with any behavior, the trouble is when we can't get honest with ourselves. So once I got educated by you and once I spoke to a few other people about it, I know that I'm telling myself a lie if I want to go do this behavior. Now, I'm not saying it's the end of the world, but I get pretty intentional where I go, well, I can be dishonest to myself. I'm not going to feel good. And so I might as well replace this with something else that's a snack, you know, cashews that are unsalted. And that's a better treat for me than corn nuts.

So it's interesting you look at what's gone on over the last year. I think I read these stats, I'm like, could these actually be true that 75% of the population gained 16 pounds or more?

Wow.

I mean, I've got to find it again. But the reality is we know that there was a lot of weight gain and comfort eating going on. And I think one of the challenges is I see a lot of people then get into this, like whole self loathing and et cetera. And you can't go and improve your health and get better if you're in a place where you're not loving yourself. So what would you say to someone who's in that kind of stuck place right now where they need to start to feel better about themselves in order to do better for themselves, but they feel like they're in that trap.

Action, action, action, action. And stop talking about it and start doing something about it. And action. And I always say, make one decision. It's one decision around what you're going to do. Like, I realized for myself, I make a decision to work out in the morning, just to sweat, to stretch and make a decision. It doesn't matter how I feel about myself, if I think I look hot or not hot. I'm making a decision to do this because it's healthy. And so it all starts with just making a decision to walk, to stretch. Instead of complaining about it, start doing something about it. I mean, you're. You're a tough love woman, you think? And it's not to take away and have compassion or empathy, because it is hard, you know, but I'm 6 foot 5, 275 pounds, I'll rock a Speedo and I won't think twice about it. It's one life. Who cares?

That's another thing too, because, you know, I just had this amazing weekend, and we ended up. We had a women's retreat slumber party. Like, 12 women at my house. It was awesome. And then on. And then we decided just to have this really fun afternoon. We actually had a dj and we just, you know, we were in swimsuits and stuff, dancing all afternoon. It was just so nice to just see people just comfortable hanging out and every. All different kinds of bodies. It wasn't like, you know, with some Sports Illustrated swimsuit model shoot. It wasn't at all. But how do you help people who might be saying, you know, oh, I'm not comfortable, like, doing that? Like you said, I rock a Speedo. Now, I don't know, maybe you have the perfect body, but for the 99% of the rest of us who don't, what do you. How do you.

How do you feel?

Comfortable?

No, first of all, I don't have a perfect body. I kind of have what they would call a dad bod. Okay. The difference is that I, who I sometimes think it's helpful to be. Like, when we feel insecure or uncomfortable, what is the story? Like, who are we actually thinking of? Are we thinking that someone would look at us and go, you have cellulite. Okay, so what? Like, the problem I find with a lot of women is there's this belief that they can't just show up in their life in the moment, exactly how they are. Like you're describing at your party with the dj, it's kind of like, who are these critics? Who are these voices? And those are the voices what I found. It's the voice that we tell ourselves we're hypercritical of ourselves. And so I've also had a lot of people say to me, because I rock, I go on TikTok, and I always am rocking Speedos. And it's not very people. That's not very professional or coachy of you.

Oh, yes, Coach Mike, knock it off.

And I'm like, if you can't have fun, life is so short it's like you want to. If a woman wants to wear a bikini and doesn't have the perfect body, rock that bikini. Who cares? And once you get into, like, who cares? The people around me who love me. You know, sometimes. I was talking to a friend the other day, you know, there's this belief, don't give power away to other people. The reality is, give power the way to the people that love you. And the people that love you could care less what you're wearing or how you show up.

So I hear that on the Inner Voice, because it's true. Like, anyone else who'd say anything like that just isn't someone you'd want to have in your life. So. So there's that, but there's still that place where. And it's. And I'll tell you what, it's funny for. For women, like, the most daunting situation a woman will ever be in is not going into, like, a bar with a bunch of guys. That's not daunting. The daunting situation for women is like going to a luncheon with a bunch of women. Like, right, so what's up with this? And how do we help ourselves feel confident and secure in situations that don't feel that way as you're heading into them?

I'm going to give you the solution and the secret, and it works, all right, Is be intentional about the purpose of why you're going to the lunch and stay in the purpose of why you're at the luncheon and not get thrown. Your energy about your intention of being there. So if your intention of being at the luncheon is to celebrate someone's birthday, the energy you bring and the vibe that you're bringing to the party is all about their birthday. Now, if you go to their birthday and the intention is, I need to look cute or I want women to compliment me on what I'm wearing today. Yeah, you may get a little thrown, and it's not going to be as enjoyable because your purpose is for your friends. And I find this is so helpful. Whenever we feel insecure or if someone throws their energy at us or they don't say something nice or we're not. We're feeling off, we're at this luncheon, and we're just not coming with it. We have to go. What is my purpose? Is my purpose to network? Do I need to go talk to the woman who's on the other side, who's kind of quiet, and get to know her a little bit? Because I don't know much about her and I want to network. Who knows that may become your new best friend or it may be someone that you do business with. But always be intentional with purpose because otherwise you're confused and you ain't living your life.

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That makes a ton of sense because I think a lot of us do get wrapped up. I think about the times. Well, last year we haven't gone to luncheons, but I'm thinking I actually haven't had to go to luncheons for a long time, which has been really nice. You've never probably had to go to the dreaded luncheon, but they do. They're so intimidating because of the whole outfits. And if you just think about why the heck you're doing it in the first place, it changes everything. So let's dig into your book a bit here and I'm going to just make sure I have the whole title perfectly of One Decision. Well, you can tell it because you know it. One Decision. What's the tagline?

The first step to a better life. And it made New York Times again.

Yay. And what made you write this book?

I so the first book I wrote was Best Self. I thought I gave everything into this book. And in Best Self, we create avatars that represent who we are authentically because our parents give us names, but what's like our real spirit in life? And then this next book, I was like, all right, well, how do we help people simplify and make changes in their life? And I realized everything comes down to one decision. I mean, we make over 30,000 decisions a day. And I just got fascinated with like, gosh, everything is one decision away from change. And when we simplify it, it just, I got obsessed with it.

So how do you go about. Because I've heard that we've got 30,000 decisions today and if you are not conscious about them, then they're just being made for you. And it's just you do the same thing you did before and it's over and over and over again. So when you say this, what's the process?

Well, I always think wherever you are in the world. Even if you're going to fly somewhere or drive somewhere, it's like, what's your starting point? So I always love an assessment. I'm probably going to put an assessment every book I ever write, because someone needs to figure out, okay, what's working, what's not working, what do I need to change, and what am I willing and motivated to change? Because if you're not really wanting to do it, you're probably not going to do it. And so first it's figuring out an assessment. Then it's looking at those areas of your life and going, okay, let's say for health, I really want to.

Get.

Very clear around what is better health look like. Does it mean going to the doctor? Does it mean reading one of JJ's books and following her recipes? Which, by the way, I have to say, those bars that you have are so delicious. I ate all of them and I thank you for sending them to me. The ones with the coconut. Next level. Those are next level bars.

Aren't they amazing? Thank you. No sugar. There's one gram of sugar. And here's what's super cool. Now, we just added allulose, which actually can help you burn fat and balance your blood sugar. 11 grams of fiber. But here's what you do. You cut them into little pieces so you don't chow down on a bunch of them at once, although they're 11 grams of fiber. We actually had one. One guy, his little girl got into them. She was like three or four, eight. Six of them. I'm like, oh, boy. There were 66 grams of fiber in there for that little girl.

It's almost like you're eating a girl scout.

Yeah. It's like those. Well, it's not like the Thin Mints, although we did have the Thin Mint style, but it is similar to that. But here's what you do. You just.

It's like a Samoa.

Oh, yeah.

But the difference is the texture of your bar is so much better than a Samoa because the Samoa is kind of like gets in your teeth and stuff. Your bar and your bar is healthy. So I just had to say that. I don't know how I say it.

Ah, nice. Well, the hack is to take them, cut them up into little pieces and put them in the freezer. So if you just need a little sweet something, you just grab one. There it is. All right, we were back to the decision. So you were saying if your decisions were around your health.

Yes. Get very clear. Get very clear on what it means to have Better health. So whatever that means for an individual, getting very clear and then figuring out what decisions need to be made to get there. While we're looking at what decisions need to be made, we're either going to view things as obstacles, which is more often than not, the reason why people don't really change their health is they'll say, I don't have time, I don't have the finances to get the right. I don't know how to cook. Whatever the obstacles are.

You know what, Mike? I had a mentor early on at the age of 30. She goes, Whenever you hear those, that statement, just tack right on at the end of it so I don't have to.

Right.

Yeah.

That's brilliant. And so it's. How do we put those to opportunities? How do all those become instead of. So I don't have to. So I get to change this and I'm capable of changing it. And then we make a decision and it seems overly simple, but simple works. You know, I think it's not that complicated. We just have to change our mindset and we just have to take action. Well, we can't do it alone. I think there's this idea especially like in the self help space, like just give yourself affirmations. At the end of the day, you only have yourself. It's like we need community.

No. Oh my gosh. Has this year not proven to us that we need to be connected and have community? And I know you do a lot in the coaching world. I see coaches. I've had coaches pretty much for decades now. Anytime I'm working on something, first thing I do is get a coach in that. I think it's one of the most important things that you can do to have the accountability, to have the guidance and plus you commit, you know. And in my perfect world, you'd hire a coach and you'd pay slightly more than you think you can afford. So you really commit.

Right.

So what do you see as the role of a coach? How important is it to have a coach?

Well, I think having someone who can look at our blind spots, having someone that we can be vulnerable with about all of our fears, someone that is purely motivated for us to achieve our goals is a role that we is very difficult to find in life. And someone that really wants us to win and is going to help guide us and create a structure and think differently. You know, it would be like, you know, if you had a team in the NBA and they had no coach and suddenly they just need to show up and play. It would Be a hot mess. Same thing as with life. For me, I think it's just we all need mentors and coaches and we don't have to do it alone. And when we feel like we have to do it alone, it's actually really stressful.

Yeah, no kidding. So I'd love to hear a success story, especially in the. I mean, I know you work in all sorts of different arenas, but especially one in the world of health. I'd love to, because I always think that success leaves clues. And you can show us, you know, how that one decision, how simple it is. And it would be interesting, too, if kind of you brought in some of the best self avatar work as well. Or maybe touch on that.

Yeah. So I remember working with a woman who, single, not happy with her body, kind of was feeling like she was frumpy. Like, when she would look at herself in the mirror, she saw kind of a frumpy woman. She was of a different culture, and she. So she kind of had this belief of never really fitting in. She's Persian. A lot of her friends were not. And she kind of just felt like an outcast and would wear oversized garments. Kind of never really pushed herself to figure out how she wanted to represent herself to the world. And so the success with her was helping push her out of her comfort zone and to question the way she viewed life. So why was she believing that she was frumpy? What is frumpy? How did. What is the definition of frumpy? And are you sure that you're always frumpy? Well, no, I'm not always frumpy. All right, well, what aspects of you aren't frumpy? And then getting really clear that the frumpiness had to do with how she walked into a room, how she presented herself, how she felt like. And you can go in a circle, right? Like, it's easy for people to go, well, that's because I have low self esteem and I feel insecure. So what I like to do is we really defined her best self, which was, I think it was like Queen Lily. And when we defined who she is when she's at her best, who she is when she's not insecure. And we create a little ritual where whenever she showed up on a date or showed up at the gym or even showed up at work and showed up for the day, how was she bringing Queen Lily into the mix? How was. How would Queen Lily greet people? Not Queen, like a pretentious, like, arrogant queen. Her really being, like, loving and welcoming and making people feel Loved because before she would walk into the room and feel like she was frumpy, you know, and then she would eat frumparoni and cheese, so we had to mix it up.

And.

And it's about, like, how do you bring that authentic part of you into all aspects of life? And over time, she then started dating. She got comfortable putting the profile up, and now she's in a relationship and feeling much better about herself, and nothing really changed except how she viewed herself. So I love. I love helping women see themselves for who they truly are, because they're often telling themselves a lie. Men, too. But with women, I find they're so critical, and when I explore it with them, the story doesn't make sense, and they even start laughing, but they haven't thought of it that way.

Yeah, that makes so much sense. I think that I've decided to call myself Queen jj.

Yes.

Yeah. I think if we all just. I have a girlfriend who. A woman I've been mentoring, and she. That's. She calls me Queen jj. I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna own this one. And, you know, I'm hearing that. And it's like, the other side of it is, okay, so act as if you feel like you're frumpy, but act as if you're not. What would that be like? It's just. Could be that simple.

It would be like, how would Queen JJ approach this meeting? Well, Queen JJ would do this. You go, there's your answer, you know, and it's. It's a real good, helpful tip with mindfulness, and it's the truth. It's not lying to self. It's just reminding ourselves. So I love wizards. So, like, I have a wizard behind me. I have a wizard Tatian sleeve on my arm, because my best self is a wizard by name, Merlin. And so I try to bring the wizard into what I do because. And the other side is what I call your anti self. It's that party that reappears. So my anti self is a male witch. I just feel like witches don't have friends when they're men. I don't know many men.

Yeah, women. Witches definitely do.

And it's just.

It's.

I think when you can. When you can get playful and have fun with those parts of you that you feel insecure, that's when we start to change, you know?

I love it. I think I'm going to get more freeing wardrobe from what you just said.

Yeah.

Well, it's funny. We had a gal here this weekend, and she was Wearing the most amazing flowy dresses and, like, had a headdress on and it was super cool. And she goes, yeah, I used to wear suits. And then I met this amazing designer and she put me all these things and put did a photo shoot and I was thinking, no way. And I'm looking at these photos and she completely flipped everything.

And I'm like, why do you think no way?

Well, she'd had such a vision of herself in corporate suits and buttoned up and. Right. And I'm looking at that going, yeah, slap a headdress on. Here you go.

Yeah, do what you want to do. Unapologetically.

Right? Love it. So you have a group. You talked about, like, the importance of community, being connected. One of the things we have for all of our community here is the ability to join your empowerment group. You're going to get a link to be able to do this for free. And all you need to do to do that. You're going to love this link. This is the link I'm going to give. Jjvirgin.com QueenJJ will get you into the empowerment group. How do you like that? You'll be able to go straight to coach Mike's empowerment group. Jump in. He does it on Tuesday evenings. Super cool group of people to hang with. And I agree, like, you know, when you're around people who are now acting as if and thinking this way, it's. It's. You will too. You know, you get around a bunch of people having a pity party and seeing everything that they can't do and all the obstacles. Guess what? You'll be there too. Right? So you want to. You want to be around the ones that are turning the obstacles into the opportunities. And we'll help make sure you do too.

Yeah. And we bring out fabulous experts and speakers. I know you're going to do one week. We just need to nail down date. But It's Tuesdays at 5pm it's on Zoom. But it's a community of people all looking to evolve and grow. And it's free.

It's free. You get to go into it for free. So JJvirgin.com Queen JJ and make sure you grab that book. I would get both of them best self and one decision. Tag team them. Create your cool new avatar and just start looking at those decisions. Like just saying that. I'm kind of going, all right. I've been really working on getting out of that autopilot. Like, you know, repetitive, same thing. So thanks for that reminder and good hanging with you.

You too. Jj, we're going to hang soon enough. I know it.

I know I am excited about it. Always a pleasure.

Thank you.

Hey, it's JJ with just a quick reminder. First off, be sure to grab that great invitation to Coach Mike's group@jjvirgin.com QueenJJ and oh yeah, feel free to call yourself Queen too. Let's shift that and start behaving as is right now. One other quick reminder. Corn nuts.

They're not a nut and they're not a vegetable.

And yes, they are deep fried. So now you know how simple it is to release those kinds of habits if you haven't subscribed yet. Oh my gosh, do not miss out on the great stuff. Just go to subscribetoj.com and then share it with the PAL as well. Because friends make sure friends stay healthy. See you next time.

Hello listeners, this is Anne Bogle, author, blogger, and creator of the podcast what Should I Read next? Since 2016, I've been helping readers bring more joy and delight into their reading lives. Every week, I tag all things books and reading with a guest and guide them in discovering their next read. They share three books they love, one book they don't, and what they've been reading lately, and I recommend three titles they may enjoy reading next. Guests have said our conversations are like therapy, troubleshooting issues that have plagued their reading lives for years, and possibly the rest of their lives as well. And of course, recommending books that meet the moment, whether they are looking for deep introspection to spur or encourage a life change, or a frothy page turner to help them escape the stresses of work, school, everything. You'll learn something about yourself as a reader and you'll definitely walk away confident to choose your next read. With a whole list of new books and authors to try. So join us each Tuesday for what Should I Read Next? Subscribe now wherever you're listening to this podcast and visit our website, what ShouldIreadNextPodcast.com to find out more.