Forgiveness, Boundaries, and Self-Love with Danielle LaPorte

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Hey, it's JJ Virgin. And welcome to the JJ Virgin lifestyle show where I give you the latest cutting edge intel to help you look, feel, and think better. And today, today we're gonna be doing all three. This is an interesting show today. We're jumping into a bunch of different topics. I'm gonna give you a really cool take on forgiveness with my guests. We'll be talking about boundaries and making sure that yours are dialed in, really, how to love yourself and gosh, health and a real different take on health and the best way to have health and how you can really be your own guru. And I've got the amazing Danielle laporte with me today. So I literally went and stalked this gal down. I, you know, we have ended up in so many situations where we were almost together. We're, we were like intersecting, just missing intersecting by, you know, an hour or a day. And I finally, like, this is ridiculous. I'm just gonna go find this woman because she has got this amazing new book out. I had the chance to get it a couple days before the podcast and even just the table of contents will blow your mind. It's called white hot clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path from one seeker to another. What I love most about Danielle is she is just, she's direct. She's to the point. This is, you know, and has some really good, simple, simple action steps that you can take that can make a big difference in your life. And you know how much I love those. Now, you probably know her for her book and gosh, she's now got trainers all over the world with the Desire Map, a guide to creating goals with soul. This has been a yearly day planner System, a top 10 iTunes app. She's got licensed facilitators in 15 countries. She's also part of Oprah's Super Soul 100. And she's got one of the top 100 websites for women at Danielle Laporte, which is where she puts her daily truth bombs. And she's been doing that a bunch on Instagram too. She's been known for her kick ass spirituality. I'm super excited to share Danielle laporte with you today. All right, let's do it. Danielle laporte, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here with me today.

I'm so happy to talk to you and your peoples.

I know. I can't wait to share you with them. Now this, I might be, like, walking right into a can of worms, but that's where I love to go. So let's dive in and get your take on health. And, you know, kind of like what most people think is healthy versus what maybe I think is healthy or you think of healthy, what is your idea of health?

Well, my idea of health is like this. I think of it as this quilt, this patchwork of different modalities that I need to address all parts of my life and my system. And what I've seen from being on, you know, quote unquote, the personal development path and in that wellness space is that some of us who are moving more in the direction of holistic wellness have blocked out sort of the traditional ways. And there's some, there's a lot of criticism that comes up if we actually just need to send ourselves to the doctor. So it's like, you know, the first thing we want to do is we want to meditate and we want to hit yoga and we want to get our gluten out of our diet and we want to go green and we want to do all those things for good and healthy reasons. But sometimes you need to get your butt to an MD and get some antibiotics. So my learning on my journey has been, it's more of a mosaic of modalities. There's a time and place for everything. My choice, you know, in the most sort of poetic sense is always, you know, you know, I choose meditation over medication. I am my own guru. My body knows what's best for me. If I'm just still and I just listen and then if I can not criticize myself and not create more suffering for, you know, where I think I'm falling short, it's like, you know, I've struggled for a long time with respiratory issues, so I was like, if I've got a sinus flare up again before I've got a gig, I'm not telling myself that I'm not on the path or this is an upper limit issue. This is what is. And the best response is compassion and to go get an inhaler. So it's like it's heart and it's medicine.

You know, this is such an important message though. And I straddle this fence all the time and I see out there that like, people are like, no, you can't take any medications or, you know, I think the best medicine is where we all get together and share all the best ideas. I mean, my son was the victim of a hit and run left for dead in the street. If we hadn't gotten him to the right hospital and the right surgeon, he'd be dead. But if I hadn't done the other stuff alongside it, he would be living a super low quality life. So it all matters. And I love that, that idea right there of like, don't beat yourself up on these things. You know, sometimes you need to take some medications or have a surgery and that's. And sometimes you need to just flip your diet. And when you put them all together, that's really where the power.

Yeah, this is what I think holistic is really about. Like one version, one definition of holistic is actually excluding a lot of other great medical advances. And then, you know, western medicine. At the same time, we have to really stand up and be clear that we are a society that is predominantly addicted to prescriptions and quick fixes. And more than that, on a psycho spiritual level, we are addicted to somebody else having authority over our bodies. So that needs to stop and there needs to be a ton of awareness about that. But really the answer is time and place for everything. Holistic means a bit of this and a bit of that, but you have to have the. You have to have both the patience and the face and the confidence to test things out and to take the time and see what works for you. There's no quick fixes for deep sustainable health and there isn't one prescription that works for all ills. There isn't one method of healing that works for all people. You've really got to make this up as you go. You got to be in charge. And that takes some compassion and it takes some grit.

So I'm hearing something else. You said compassion a couple times and I was looking over your book, which everyone's gotta get, gotta get your book. So we've gotta make sure everyone's getting white, white hot. Now, is it white hot truth or white hot lies? White hot truth.

White hot truth. I've got white hot.

Well, I've got all these lies. Written in here too, about the things we need to make sure we don't know, we don't get fall into on our way to the truth.

The big fat lies.

Yeah, the big fat lies. So it's the white hot truth, people. It's the white hot truth. But one thing I want to bring up here because you know when you just. I had a chance to get the copy, I got it like two days ago. So I got through some of it and it's just. Even the chapter headings are mind blowing. But one of the things I hear from people in my community as to the reason that they don't get healthy is because they don't feel good enough, they don't feel worthy. And you talk about the signs that you love yourself and you know and how to stay there, how to. How to be in your fullness, not your halfness. What do you mean by that?

Your fullness is everything that you deserve. Your fullness is your truth. Your fullness is self respect. Your fullness is you making pleasure priority and realizing that when you're doing things that are pleasurable, when you are in your joy, when you're free to express yourself, when your time is yours, when you say yes and you mean yes, not you really mean no. That's where your power is. So your power comes from you being free and liberated. That's how you get more creative. That's how your skin clears up. That's how you have hotter relationships. Happiness really matters. It's your strength. Your half ness is when you're quiet at the boardroom table. Your halfness is when you don't ask for what you're worth. Your half ness is when you still are buying into that image of the person you used to be. I mean, we're all evolving. I mean, what I see with lot of my friends in this and women in this space is that sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to change. To like to really declare the change. It's like you used to be gossipy or you used to carry around an extra 25 pounds that you didn't want, that weren't healthy. You used to date guys who weren't good for you. You used to make compromises and you've grown out of that. But there's almost like this threshold, this declaration of like, I was that and I forgive that and I honor that. And I'm taking that part of, with that, that, that old, with that old person forward with me. Yeah, the past. When we get stuck in the past, that's. That's Halfness, you know, presence is fullness.

Don't you find with a lot of women, especially though, that when you talk to them about going after what they want and feeling pleasure, right, and that they feel guilty about doing that, that they don't, they don't feel right about putting themselves first, what do you say to them?

Here's the declaration on guilt. Okay, everybody stop trying to avoid feeling guilty, okay? When you expand, when you become more conscious, when you become a more powerful person, when you really stepping into yourself, I guarantee you you will feel guilty. It's absolutely unavoidable. It's part of the package. It's part of an initiation. You can't go after your dreams and not experience some guilt. It's going to happen. You are, you know, you're going to go on your way. You're going to make some new decisions in terms of your creativity, your healthy wellness. And you're going to have to say goodbye to somebody who doesn't vibrate with you anymore. You're going to say see ya to the person who gave you your first big break. You are going to go get a babysitter to watch your kids so you can go work out or you can go to the workshop or you can finish your book. You're gonna feel guilty for all of those things. So just be at peace with the guilt. When the guilt comes up, like, oh, there's a guilt, I must be expanding, I must be a conscious person, I must be loving, I must be doing what it takes. So forget it. It's not all peaceful. Guilt is not harmonious and disharmony is part of growth.

Love that and the other part of growth, and you said this is so key, is that not everyone who was with you before is coming with you on the next part of the journey. And so some of this is also setting boundaries. What is your thought on boundaries? Oh God.

We could do a whole show just on boundaries. I think lack of boundaries, specifically for women, more specifically for women who are on the path of personal development. Lack of boundaries for us is an epidemic because we take a lot of crap in the name of being spiritual, in the name of being tolerant and well, and we take a lot of crap because of just really basic, very primal lack of self worth stuff. We just don't think, you know, we're not really honoring our value and it's backwards, is backwards and it's creating a lot of toxicity in our lives. And you've got to have healthy boundaries in place to be a healthy person in every area of Your life like you, you know, you've got to have boundaries around time so that you can do what it takes to take care of your body. You've got to have boundaries around how people talk to you, around how, you know, the hours that you put in the treatment that you will and will not accept from people. Like, you are constantly, you are constantly telling the world how to treat you and the world comes in accordingly. And you know, you're going to put standards in place. You're going to tell your parents, your family, your kids that you're not coming out this Christmas because you're, you know, for your sake, your sanity, you need to stay home. You're going to not check your email after 8pm Certain people aren't going to be allowed on your property, all those kinds of things. And there's going to be pushback. Like not everybody will respect your boundaries, but that's part of the process too. So their boundaries, because people will try and push against them. And the important thing to keep in mind is that this does not make you a bitch. This is not setting you up to be in conflict with people. You can have boundaries and still be really loving and really kind and really feminine about how you go about living your life. Some boundaries you don't even need to declare. You're just going to shift what you're going to do and not do. But they're essential. I mean, I'll make a very extreme dramatic statement just to make my point. Without healthy boundaries, you will get sick in your life.

This, and it's also a great way to figure out who's really with you and who's not. When you talk about people pushing against them. So totally that's one of those ways to learn who should be with you.

Right?

And the people around you, specifically your girlfriends. I mean, this is where like really healthy role modeling comes into play because you start standing up for yourself in a way that suits you. And you watch, your friends are going to start doing the same. And it's really, I mean, this is where it's, you know, women for women.

This is one of the key ones that I see. Especially I run a group of health experts and health entrepreneurs and people in the health space. And I would imagine the PD space is the same. Same tend to have boundary issues. And it's like, okay, you don't have to over give and over help. All right, I'm going to bring one more up because this has been such a big life lesson for me and I would love your thoughts on forgiveness.

You Forgive when you're ready. So declaration number one on forgiveness, I do believe it's the higher spiritual road. It's an aspiration, it's got to happen. You and everybody are better off when you can, when you can get to forgiveness. So I'm all, I want to be there semicolon. However, forced forgiveness, because it makes you look good, because you think it's a spiritual thing to do, because you're trying to get points with your God or your community or whatever, you want to look good. It actually derails the healing process. If you fake forgive or you push it before you're ready, things are underneath the surface and they're festering and they're probably going to blow up and it makes things actually even messier. I think it's much more powerful and clean and healthy to admit that you're having a hard time forgiving. It's really daring to admit that you're not ready to forgive. And I think that's where the healing comes from. The first step of healing from that honesty, the first step with forgiveness, admit that you don't want to forgive. Nobody wants to forgive. It's really hard work. And then secondly, have the desire to forgive. You don't have to, you don't have to think about if you're going to let that person back into your life, if they're invited to your wedding, what you're gonna do when you run into them. Don't worry about any of that. Just have the desire to move in the open hearted direction of forgiveness and your consciousness will help you figure what that looks like.

So curve ball to you. I don't think I could throw you a curve ball though.

You could.

I doubt it.

Jj.

All right, so. But just straight to you. People always like to have the kimono pulled back and look into someone's life. And what's the one thing, Danielle, that you do day that you feel makes the biggest difference in your life?

Oh, well, I meditate every day and I've had this prodigal relationship with meditation. So the years where I did meditate, then I just was off. Like, this isn't working for me. I was actually getting stressed. It was becoming part of my to do list. But every single day of my life I have some practice of stillness. It usually, nine times out of 10 starts in the morning. It's as important as brushing my teeth and being good to my kid. I must, must do something every morning with the light.

Now I want to remind everybody you have a book, White Hot Truth. It's Depending on when you're listening to this, you can either pre order it or grab it right away from any bookstore or from Amazon. So White Hot Truth, you are going to want this book. Just open the book and look at a chapter of contents and I dare you to to put the book down right. It is just fantastic. Amazing job you've done on this and for people to learn more, where's the best place for them to go?

I'm everywhere. My favorite places are, of course, my website. So danielleport.com and I'm loving Instagram these days. It's really the center of my universe. So I'm Danielle laporte on Instagram. All right, see you there.

All right, see you on instagram. Go to danielleport.com get your copy of White Hot Truth. You want this book. And thank you so much for joining me, Danielle. It's like it took a podcast to finally get to connect up with you. But whatever we had to do, I stalked you.

I hunted you down.

All right, thank you. Love to everyone. All right, now after the break, I'll be answering a listener's question. So stay with me.

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Welcome back. This is the time where I answer a listener's question and I grab these questions off of now. I've been recording a lot of my podcasts when I do them myself on Facebook Live and I grab questions there and I also am surfing my wall, posts by others and comments to grab the questions that I see come up all the time so that we can make sure that you've got no blocks in the way of your success. So this one comes from Kathy Intestine and she says, jj, I'm all in, all ready to do your program. I've got my goals set. I've got my shopping done. I just have one problem. My family, they're not on board. What do I do? Again, I love this question because this question comes up all the time. And I thought, what a great question to put after Danielle's podcast interview and boy, grab her book, because she really speaks the truth. There is that as you're starting to make a shift in your life, not everyone who got you there, who you were with for the first part of your life is going to be able to go to the second. Now, this becomes problematic with our family because it's not like you can ditch them, but what you can do is set the appropriate boundaries. And so they may not be eating what you're eating. And yes, you might have to prep two different meals, etc. But honestly, here's what I recommend that you do is you make your decision about what you're going to make the shift of in your life and you declare your goals and your reason for doing it and also how it's going to benefit them. You let them know that you'd love them to join you if they want to. And here are the reasons why it would be great if they do great. If not, hey, that's their body, their life, you know, and then don't nag, just do your thing. Because ultimately I found that you will have the best results with your family by being the best role model. And it's really interesting. Both my kids now are super healthy eaters. It was not always that way. In fact, my son Grant was telling my ex husband the other day, like he wanted to get key lime pie and he goes, no, you don't, dad. He has become total, you know, will not allow sugar in the house. But my kids are super healthy eaters and we were healthy eaters at home. But you know, I let them have ice cream, they'd have the occasional pizza, and they would go out and do these things. And I wasn't like on them about it. I just showed them by being a great role model. And I didn't nag them about it. And there you go, they made that shift. So that is how I'd recommend it, is make it available, explain what you're doing. And then if they're not going to do it, set your boundaries and be ready if they start to tease you or nag you. You know, it's like, remember, if they're pushing you and you don't push back, they got nowhere to go. So just get your boundaries clear and get your community of support. That's why I've built into all my programs really good support community, so that you've always got a community of support if it's not going to be your current family. Okay, if you'd like to submit a question, remember Facebook page JJ Virgin Official. Now, this is the gratitude portion of the show where I highlight a review each week. I read and review all those reviews on itunes. So does my team. And, you know, we just love this. It's like we're getting our grades for the week. So I really, really appreciate it. And today I'm going to Read one from Soho 37. The spectrum of guest experts JJ delivers is outstanding and diverse. They do, however, all have one common theme, which is they offer actionable tips and hacks to improve your health, motivation and mindset. Keep up the great work, jj. All right, thank you so much for that and I would hugely appreciate it and I'd love to feature you for leaving a review on itunes as well. And thank you so much for joining me and my special guest, Danielle. Today, I want to remind you to take courageous, inspired action. Think about the things that we talked about today because I know we jumped all over the board. I wanted to take and get as much out of Danielle in the short amount of time we had her. Think about one of those things that really resonated with you and again made you uncomfortable. Scared you a bit. And get going because that's a sign that you're playing big enough when it feels a little bit like, ah, there you go. Push on out. Discomfort is good. All right, until next time, this is JJ Virgin signing off, reminding you to show up, step up. You are stronger than you think.

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