How to Help Your Partner Get Healthy with JJ Virgin

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Hey, it's JJ Virgin. And welcome to the JJ Virgin Lifestyle show, where I give you the latest cutting edge intel to help you look, feel, and think better. Now, today's show is all about how to help your partner be healthy, but without being a nag, a drag, or a total hag. And I have got the perfect guest to help me do this today. I have got my fiance, Tim Horgan with me. And we're gonna just pull back the kimono a bit and talk about, you know, when we got together, some of the things, some of the issues that I saw going on, some of the issues he's had with me. He's called me on my stuff too. So, you know, we've helped each other be better, which I think is the whole point. That's right.

It's all about.

That's what it's all about. So if you're watching this live, we are recording this podcast live on Facebook Live. If you're watching there, I see people saying, hi, Tim, and congratulating us. And if you've got a partner maybe who you think should be watching this right now or share this podcast on over with them, hopefully we can help a bunch of people. So here's the deal. Tim was really quite healthy when we met, right?

I thought I was.

Yes, he thought he was. He did. So here we are, we're on our first date. And what did you do the night before our first date?

I read your book.

He skimmed the book.

He skimmed the book.

He skimmed the book.

Well, there were a lot of recipes in there. I didn't want to spend time reading the recipes.

He skimmed the Virgin diet book and he brought me some dark chocolate to the restaurant. And we both. I still remember what we both had on our first day because we both had the wild salmon, right?

Yep.

There you go. And you were a pretty healthy eater when I first met you.

I was a healthy eater, Yeah. I always thought I was.

You thought you were. But what were some of the issues that we fixed?

Well, there was a lot of sugar. There was a lot of dairy sneaking in there. Sneaking in the sugar.

Sneaking in the dairy.

The carbs. Sneaking in the carbs, too. Eating the wrong carbs. Not until I met you.

Even Daisy's barking about it, too. Daisy's like, yes, you were, dad. Yes, you were. So what I would call Tim is someone who was really trying hard but had some misinformation. He was following a lower fat diet and eating more carbs and letting some sugar sneak in. I'm trying to remember what you were doing because I've so blanked it out of my mind now.

Yeah, it was, you know, I was. I thought I was healthy. I was eating chicken, of course, rice and broccoli. But when it came time for dessert, that was all sugar on deck.

What were you eating?

A lot of things. Cookies, ice cream.

Wow.

It. Yeah, there was milk chocolate involved.

He had these things for me, so. And also he was using some, you know, salad dressings and teriyaki sauce. He was just sneaking in some things that. And so here's what we did. And by the way, there was no nagging or anything else. I just started. He just kind of started eating the way I was eating. He started doing a shake every morning. And I think you were doing a shake before you were doing a crappy shake, right?

Yeah, I was doing a berry shake with some of the milk and other things and ice. But for the most part, I was doing it after my workout, so I felt like it was healthy. I was having the protein powder. It was the whey protein powder.

So he was doing dairy and he was putting too much fruit in there and not enough healthy fats. And I'd say the big transition we did with your diet was we upped up the fat, lowered the carbs, and got the sugar out. Right. And then what happened?

Started losing weight, and I just couldn't keep on the weight. So it became a challenge for me to. On your diet and when you were cooking, you know, for me to find something that allowed me to, you know, continue to keep the weight on. So it. It almost. It just reversed everything that I was going through.

I was like, don't tell people you can't keep the weight on. They won't like you and I, you're meeting my friends. But it is interesting, as we lowered his sugar impact, got the gluten out because it was still sneaking in some got the dairy out, up the fat. He like. And this isn't someone I think you like at one point had a little bit of a weight problem when he was kind of going off the rails with sugar. But he tends to have a sugar. Big sugar cravings to begin with. And we noticed this. We went to New York recently with our buddies Cynthia Pascuala Garcia and Zach Garcia, and we went to this restaurant Called Del Posto. Now, this is a restaurant you got to take the safety net to, and you've been in the community. You know, I have a product safety net that helps you digest and break down gluten and dairy and soy and corn. So if you're out and it sneaks in, it doesn't hurt you, but also blocks the carbs. Unfortunately, you kind of abuse it a little bit.

Well, yeah, it's. It was time. I needed it. So there was some good sugar on the menu.

So we go to Del Posto, and it's a five course tasting menu. Oh, hey, Giovanni. And what was so interesting about this five course tasting menu is like, the dessert was this. We all chose our desserts. Tim chose the richest dessert, and then they gave us a cookie jar, and then they brought us truffles. And I went to the bathroom. During this time, I come back, Tim has eaten all of his super rich dessert. Thanks for not offering me any.

Well, it went around the table. You just left at the wrong time.

I guess I did. And then he's clutching the cookie jar, and he's now, like, eaten half the truffles. And it kind of. It. It sort of started this whole, like.

It started like a week, a week to two weeks.

It was.

I had to pull them back every time. There was sugar, there was safety net, but that's why. But safety net is not.

No, it doesn't help with sugar, dude. So. But that's why, actually, it's really good to have partners because we do help each other out. I can go off the rails with bean chips, and you can go off the rails with sugar, and we just kind of. No one's nagging each other. We're just like, hey, you know, remember you said you weren't gonna eat a bag of bean chips?

Check back in, check it out.

Yeah. But it's also made it really easy because we like to eat the same things. We generally get up in the morning, have a shake together, we have our bulletproof coffee, we go to the gym together. But let's talk about. And you know what? It's just like, we just support each other, and so there's no. It just makes life a lot easier exercise. Because when we first met, your exercise was very different than what it is now.

It was running and it was volleyball and some bike riding as well and some surfing and. But it's gone. I've stopped running. I pretty much stopped playing volleyball, and I am just working out. We get down to the gym three times a week, two or three Times a week. And it's been amazing. I mean, the amount of energy I feel and how much better I feel, how much stronger I feel. It just. It's been a complete 180.

Now, here's the thing. Volleyball is awesome. It's great burst activity. It just. We've just been so busy.

It was hard on my knees, too.

But it was also. He's got. He's actually going to go. I had stem cells injected in my knees. He's about to get stem cell treatments on his knee. Thanks, Dr. Elliot Lander. But he was doing a lot of endurance training. And as you know, endurance training lowers your immune system, can lower your testosterone. So JJ was being selfish, switching this, but can create a lot. It's very aging and can break down musc. So, you know, as we age, we don't need to break down muscle. We need to be building up muscle. So instead we have him in the gym. If he does do cardio, which you don't do enough of, you need to be doing some burst training. Yes. I'm calling you out right here on this podcast. All right. When are you going to do that?

I'll start tomorrow.

All right, There you go. So there you heard it here. He's going to start doing some high intensity interval training or burst training. So we have a garage setup for this some point. I'll take you on a tour of the garage. But he switched from his endurance training to resistance training to heavy weight training. And again, remember the. The upping the fat, lowering the carbs and switching to resistance training. And the guy's having trouble keeping weight on, you know, crazy. All right. And again, it was just like, well, I'm going to the gym. And first I kind of showed him some exercises, but I didn't want to be your trainer. I just backed off. And, you know, it's like, yeah.

And what I. And what I learned. You gave me a great start. And what I learned is, is I observe, too, in the gym, when I see others working out, I see others doing certain exercises that I feel that, you know, I'd like to incorporate into my work that I do. So it's. It's been a great learning experience.

And I tell them sometimes that those ones need to go. Like, he was the typical guy. Did I just say that? Who goes to the gym and likes to do chest and biceps and then no legs.

No, no legs.

Just. I'll just do some. And no abs. Now he's doing legs and abs. So, you know, much more balanced routine.

Very good.

All right. The big one though, of anything that I saw, the biggest shift that you made was in your sleep. So let's talk about your sleep before me.

So it was going to be at 11, 11:30 and waking up at 5:30 and it was not a good night's sleep.

But what did you think? Because I mean at the time you didn't see this a problem, did you?

I did not. I mean, I felt like if I get a good five to six hours nights of sleep, I would be fine.

So I knew that this was not going to work, you know, because I, I used to subscribe to that. Like how little sleep can I go on? And man, if you want to pick one thing to really make a difference in your health, it's your sleep. It's. It is the thing that's going to de age you. It's going to help you lose fat. It's going to help you hold on to or build muscle. It is critical for your health. It's the biggest thing that I would choose that and being happy.

Yeah.

So you.

Well, it's sleep has, has definitely made me feel much healthier sleeper.

You're like a massive. He is now a, a sleeping machine because now you sleep eight to nine hours and sometimes we like go.

And I never slept with blackout curtains, but I cannot sleep without blackout curtains now. I always needed light in the room, but now I need the exact opposite.

Yeah. So it's, it's incredible as we have that and we have these super cool things called chili pads that my buddy Mark Sisson had this company chili pad company Send. And they. It's sort of like a reversal electric blanket. It's this cooling pad with cool water. So it just keeps you cool throughout the night. Because one of the challenges we had is we had a little dispute about the temperature in the room. I learned from Dr. Sarah Gottfried that you should make the room super cold. So I was turning to 65 and that was like not working for him. So I turned my chili pad down to low and I think you put yours 65. 65. And. And then we have a ceiling fan on and we have the room cooler, but it's not down as col as I want it. But I'm cool with that because of my chilipat.

Yeah. And one of the benefits of the chilipet too is the white noise. The fan that runs with both fans running, it drowns out all the sound. So it's a great sleep sound environment.

Yeah. Now it's interesting. I have this Time magazine over here that's talking about the science of happiness. And I will say that, you know, we eat healthy, we exercise, we take supplements. We totally redid Tim's supplement regimen. When I first met him, I had him go to the document, had him do all of his labs. We then did some additional. I did some organic acid testing on him and fatty acid testing. We designed his whole supplement protocol. So we actually did. I even got him to do a stool test.

Yes, I did that.

I did it.

Yes. That was not first date. No, it wasn't. But now you're a real regular supplement user. But, you know, you look at it and go, okay, so, you know, he's exercising differently, and none of this is taking more time.

No, it's less time. Yeah, absolutely.

You know, we have a really great routine down. But it's interesting because all of those things pale in comparison to what it feels like to just be in a happy, supported relationship. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. And that's what the science of happiness shows, is like, that connection is so key. So what's been fantastic is we've been able to really, you know, support each other on having good habits and getting enough sleep and making sure that we're exercising and going to doctors and doing all the stuff that you need to do to stay healthy. Like, I got him now to do his stem cells, and, you know, we just make sure we're doing the things we need to do, but then we also are just having fun together.

Right.

Which is the whole key point. There you go.

Stay healthy for as long as we can.

And so I just got to ask. I mean, did you ever feel like, oh, God, I just want to go eat some cookies? Like, back off.

Actually, if I did, I would probably not feel so well after eating them. You know, even this weekend, you know, eating some things that I probably shouldn't have eaten, I felt horrible the next day just because of the. Of. Just the shock to the system. So it's. It's amazing when you take dairy out of your diet, you take most of the sugar out of your diet, you take all these bad carbs out of your diet, and then you introduce them. It's. It's not a good thing. Well, you're on the right track.

You know, you feel good all the time. Like, you know, inflammation's gone down, his energy is up. And so I want to give you some key takeaways here, because the biggest key takeaway of all is don't nag. And, you know, because I'm seeing on Facebook live Rhonda saying, I feel like his mom. And here's the thing, don't try to get anyone to do this. Put this stuff around, make it easy and be the best role model possible. And you're going to. That's the easiest way to start to get someone on board. You cannot nag someone to success. I'm pretty darn sure.

Absolutely. You're going to go the exact opposite.

You're going to go, I'm having that cookie. Like I never, you know, I just don't bring that stuff in. And you know, we just make healthy stuff. And then the big thing is like reward. Yeah, Praise and reward. Praise and reward. You know, So I just keep telling him because he's so handsome and you know, gosh, like when he, he dropped that little bit of body fat which you hardly had and put on more muscle, it's like crazy. I wake up and I go, I.

Cannot believe, I cannot believe.

Look at that. So praise. And then look at all the little wins. Because a lot of these things like lowering your sugar impact and you know, pulling out foods you're intolerant to and drinking more water, you'll start to notice a big difference with those things. So look at where you can help with little wins right away. And one of the things that we did was start to do swaps. So it wasn't that I was saying you can't have ice cream. Like he is totally addicted to. So delicious. Dairy free, topped with either blueberries or dark chocolate. So we just found some really good replacements so that you don't have to feel like you're missing out. And so that's where all these swaps come in.

Great.

All right.

So you don't feel deprived?

I do not. I feel actually, actually feel richer, you know, in all the things that I can have and in a sense feel somewhat guilt free.

Yeah.

You know that I can have these things and not feel horrible.

Well, probably some of it too was. You just weren't aware that these were even options out there.

I thought the Greek yogurt was healthy.

Right, right.

So you expose it and it's like, look at the sugar.

Now. We did go on vacation to Santorini and we did have Greek yogurt there.

But there was no sugar.

But there was no sugar and it was full fat. And we still like dream of this. I dream of Santorini. So thank you so much. That was awesome. And again, I hope that you see that this is really just a matter of thinking of this in partnership. Look at how you can be supportive and, and help, you know, create the wins for your partner. Because I want for a long, long time. All right, after the break, I'm going to be answering a listener's question, so stick with me.

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Welcome back. This is the time where I answer a listener's question. And today's question come from Susie in Memphis. And she says, jj, I just started dating this guy, and he just eats like crap. How do I get him to change? You know, Susie, here's the biggest thing, and I'm going to share with you. A guy I was dating, obviously, preach him a couple years ago, and I remember when we first started dating, he said, I'm never giving up my bread, right? He's like. He's like, I know what you do, and I'm never giving up my bread. And I'm like, no one said you had to give up your bread. I go, that's totally up to you. It's your bread. And so I just did what I do, which is I ordered the way I order and I eat the way I ate. And, you know, he said, you know, if you wanted to tell me about supplements to take, I would be totally open to that. I said, oh, okay, all right, so start giving him some supplements to take. And then he said, you know, if you wanted to have some diet recommendations for me to help because he had some belly fat, I would be open to that. Like, all right, you know, and so all of a sudden, he is eating totally different. He's dropped his carbs. He's gotten the gluten out. He's eating more healthy fats and cleaner protein. His belly fat's going down. He's taking supplements. He's doing shakes. But I never said, hey, if you want to be with me, you got to stop eating the bread. I just was the role model, and I find that the easiest way to start helping anybody else. You're never going to win them over with nagging them or ultimatums, but if that's just how you are and what you do, like, so Often all of them say, I really want to go on this program with my husband. I said, well, you know, throw it out there to him, but if he doesn't bite, just do it. Because what you're going to see is he's probably going to start following along, too, especially when he sees the results that you have. So that's always my key recommendation is, if you're never going to win him over by nagging, just do it and watch. Because I. It always happens. They end up coming along, and even if they don't come, become a total convert. If they're doing 50 to 80% better. Hey, that's awesome. Now, if you'd like to submit a question, head over to my Facebook page. I've been doing a lot of my podcast reporting live on Facebook. It's super fun when you're there with me. You can also leave questions on my Instagram account. So Facebook, is JJ virgin official? Look for the blue check face. Instagram is JJ virgin and JJ virgin, actually. And you can leave questions at both of those places. And another thing that you can do is pop on over to itunes and leave a review. This is the part in the show where I send out big gratitude for an amazing review of the week. This week is from Donna Marcuson, and she says, health coach and five stars. She says, I'm grateful to be able to listen to JJ's podcast while driving in my car when I'm in traffic, no problem. I tune into this show. I love how JJ interviews various people in the health and wellness industry and that each show offers a unique takeaway information that can be put into action immediately. Thanks for a great show and thank you so much, Donna. And for everybody who's leaving reviews on itunes, you know, this is something that my entire team, we look at, and it's how we get, you know, it's kind of how we get our, like, grades. We're like, okay, we're doing something out here because sometimes, you know, you're recording a podcast. I'm sitting here in my office, like, is anyone out there? So it really means a lot to see these reviews. So I super appreciate it and I look forward to reading your review on the air. So thank you so much. And thank you so much for joining me and my awesome fiance Tim today. And I look forward to next time. Bye. Bye.

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