How to Stop Using Food as a Drug with Samantha Skelly.

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Hey, it's JJ Virgin. And welcome to the JJ Virgin Lifestyle show where I give you the latest cutting edge intel to help you look, feel and think better. Now, I've talked a lot in the Sugar Impact diet about how sugar is our number one recreational drug of choice. But it goes beyond sugar. You know, you look at sugar and gluten and dairy and they all have an opiate like effect on the brain. But we can also turn to food for all sorts of things like love. So today I have an amazing person who is going to be talking about how to stop using food as a drug. It's Samantha Skelly. And let me tell you a little bit about her. You're going to love this interview and there's so many actionable things that you'll be able to do if as you're listening to this, you're going, oh my gosh, you're describing me. So Samantha Skelly is an entrepreneur, a motivational speaker, a best selling author and an emotional eating expert. As the founder of Hungry for Happiness, a movement to empower women to overcome their disordered eating and body image issues, Samantha has revolutionized the weight loss industry by examining the individual and underlying causes of eating disorders. She shared her mission on an international platform with appearances on Global TV, Shaw, NBC and CBC. In 2013, Samantha was awarded top 24 under 24. And in 2014 she was named a finalist for best Emerging entrepreneur by Small Business B.C. she's from Canada. That said, just in case you were wondering, Samantha continues to spread her message and transform the lives of thousands of people through her program, motivational speaking engagements, the Hungry for Happiness podcast, worldwide international retreats, and her best selling book, Hungry for One Woman's Guide. From Fighting Food to Finding Freedom. Such a good name and it was really interesting in talking to her. First of all, I found out she's now in San Diego, so she's a neighbor. But she has an incredible hero's journey and I always find that the people who are just, you know, the best of what they're doing got there through their own experience with it. So I'm real excited to share Samantha Skelly with you today. All right, let's do it. Samantha Skelly, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here with me me today.

Thank you so much for having me.

I know, and you should actually Be here. I didn't realize you were so close in burst. How fun. This is a big topic that we are about to tackle here and one that I know that comes up all the time for my audience and that is everything around food and emotional eating and kind of using food as your drug of choice. And what I'd love to do before we dive into that is like, how the heck did you get into this? What, what was your.

Yeah, I grew up as a, an actress and a dancer. So pretty much my whole life I was either on a stage in front of a camera and you know, that was, that was basically my life. And when I, when I was 18, I quit everything. I quit the industry altogether and I felt I needed to meet my need for significance again. I think a lot of people can resonate with this when they quit, you know, a career or a, a sport or whatever it is. You just feel like, you know, the who am I? Question comes up. Right. And so that hit me hard when I stopped acting. And I decided at that time that I was going to try and find my significance in my body. Like, I was like, if I can look good, then I'll feel good. That was my, you know, that was my, that was my way of being. And so I just started to be like extremely obsessed with my relationship with food. Just restriction, overeating, restriction overeating, and just really got caught up in that diet, binge, diet, binge diet, binge cycle for so long. I was on over 50 diets in less than four years and just, oh my gosh. Just really had no idea how to eat like a normal person. Really had no idea how to use food for health and hunger. I was completely disconnected from my body. Had no idea how to decipher between an emotional hunger cue and a physical hunger cue and just a complete, complete numbness, you know, every time I felt emotion in my body, I wouldn't, I didn't know how to deal with it. So I just used food to change my state because that's what food can do. And I didn't real. Like, I didn't realize I was using food as a drug like this. And it's interesting and I know for a lot of people listening, it's very shameful. You know, there is a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of like, why can't I just do this energy around it? And that's exactly what I was feeling like. And so one of my girlfriends said to me, she's like, sam, we all know that you're struggling with this, we'll help you. Let's get help. And so I spent three and a half years of my life just really figuring out how to repair the relationship I had to food in my body, how to actually feel my emotions for the first time in my life, and how to just figure out, okay, that's an emotional hunger cue. I don't need food for that. Or that's a physical hunger cue. And after three and a half years of really doing the work on that, I saw the contrast between how bad it was when I was in it and how amazing it felt to be on the other side of it. And so I knew that was my message and my mission, and I wanted to bring it into the world in a big way. So that was the birth of Hungry for Happiness.

You know, it's so interesting because every person I find who's really doing big work in the world has that hero's journey where just, you know, they went through it. And so I had a sense. I didn't know your story, but I'm like, I bet there's something there.

Yeah, I bet there's something. Yeah, absolutely.

Now, I know you want to revolutionize the weight loss industry. So, like, what's the plan for tackling that one?

Yeah, gosh, well, it's going to take my entire life, so let's just say that. So my whole. The way Hungry for Happiness works is rather than attacking the physical weight, we really look at the emotional weight that people are holding on to. Oftentimes, physical weight on our bodies is simply just a representation of the emotional weight that we're carrying, carrying things from our childhood, our past, things like that. And so what we do, we're not a weight loss organization. That's not what we do. The release of weight is a byproduct of doing the work. And that's my philosophy. That's how I work. So we never talk about meal plans or exercising or counting or scales, diets. We don't talk about any of that. It's really about healing the emotional stuff that's going on. So, you know, when people overeat, when they binge eat, what they're really looking for is a state change. They feel a sensation in their body pain, and they don't have the tools yet to be able to really learn how to use that pain and transcend it into healing. So they numb it. And they numb it. They numb it, they numb it, they numb it. And then the aftermath of that, of course, we all know, is the shame and the guilt of, like, Oh, I can't believe I overate all those brownies. I can't believe I did that. And then, so that's how we really enter the cycle. If we were to really be proactive about it and feel that pain and get curious about the pain, get compassionate about it, really heal it and not numb it, we're able to then not need food to numb it. And so thus creating weight release when we no longer need food to numb the emotion. So it's really about being proactive, about learning the tools to feel all the way through the pain without numbing it.

And so do you have a process to take people through that?

We do. We have a, we have a process called the Phoenix formula, which is a seven step process, that processor process. I'm Canadian. I actually don't, I don't even know what the Canadian and the American is. And I switch back and forth. So it's a, it's a process to take someone from a very unaware state, disconnect from their body, you know, hating food, high anxiety around food, into a fully aware state. Being able to use food for health and hunger and in enjoyment when we decide and being connected into our bodies to have the visceral intelligence to know the difference between a physical hunger.

Okay, let's talk. What? Visceral intelligence?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Big words there, Sam.

Yeah, yeah. So, so visceral feelings in our body, right? So you know, the, the, the yes in our body, you know that feeling of like, yes, that feels good or like, oh, that contraction, that. No, that does not feel good. A lot of times we are disconnected from that feeling. A lot of the women that I work with are high achievers. Go, go, go. Perfectionists, you know, thinking black and white. And they don't rely on their bodies to guide them. It's all, let me overthink about it, let me overanalyze it, let me think, think, think, think, think. And so what we do is we reteach people how to feel again, feel into their emotions. So something as simple as asking yourself a definite yes question and feeling what that yes feels like in your body and then asking yourself a definite no question and then feeling what the no feels like in your body. So that, that word visceral intelligence, we can use like gut feeling, you know, we can all resonate with that gut feeling, you know, so when we learn to feel into our bodies, we can then learn to trust ourselves again. Something I hear all the time from my clients is I just don't trust myself. I don't trust myself. Because they look at their track record of the on and off diets, on and off, on and off, on and off. And so they are not trusting themselves. So when we go to create change or heal our relationship with food, there's a lack of trust there. And so it's really about not trusting the part of you that's let you down in the past, but finding your intuition again and learning to trust that. Because that we all know is extremely trustworthy.

So what are some of the ways?

You know, I think a lot of.

People just listening go, oh, that's me. But do you have some ways for people to self identify if this is something they need to focus on, if this is the block that's creating the problems for them?

Yeah, absolutely. I think something to ask yourself is, how much time do I spend thinking about food or thinking about my body? And I think that's a really great place to start. I know for me, I don't think I thought about anything else, to be completely honest with you. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing in my mind was like, okay, what did I eat yesterday? How many calories did I have? How much do I need to exercise today? I would kind of calorie count to figure out, okay, how much do I need to run to make up for this? And it was so transactional. So if you're spending time in that space and analyzing and obsessing over it, there's some, there's some work to do there. If you are in a place when I was talking about trust and you're like, I just don't trust myself. There's some work to do there. And I think a lot of people can really identify with this subject of overeating and using food as a drug and asking yourself, what is my relationship to pain in my body? That's a beautiful question as well. Is it something that I just can't handle, a need to get it get away, or is it something I can just sit with and observe the pain? All pain is, is a, it's data, right? It's like, okay, something's going on. There's something that's not quite right. How can I observe this and not identify with the pain and become it, but just observe it? Like, what's, what's really going on there? Where do. What parts of me do I need to love more? What parts of me do I need to heal more? So starting there, starting from those questions is a great place to just observe.

If you were going to give people. Because I know you just walked through that and you've got this seven step process. How long. And I would imagine some of it's really how deeply entrenched this issue is. But like, you know, how long does it take someone to really kind of get through this and start to see a shift where they. I look at this and to me this is food freedom. And having been a compulsive overeater and anorexic and all those things because I was a dancer, I'm like listening, going, uh huh. But you know, so many women have this because the body image stuff is so ridiculous. I mean, just down to that. Luckily it started to change a lot with the pictures and the magazines and now with so many people, you know, really moving towards virtual reality all the time, everywhere, we're starting to get off of that unrealistic body image, which is super helpful. But I think this is a pretty common problem. And how quickly can someone start to make that shift?

You know, I say as quick as you decide to. And you have to be so honest with yourself and ask yourself, do I still want to put band aids on bullet wounds or do I truly want to do something about this? So the decision to make the changes quick, and I would say six months. Our signature program is six months long. And in six months that's when we do the Phoenix formula of teaching people these steps. After six months, then the body, the system is like, okay, I'm getting this. Providing that you're doing the work. I think we live in a world where we want everything yesterday. Especially my clients who come to me who are just obsessive dieters, like, quick fix, quick fix, quick kids, you know what I mean? So it's like I have to unstoppable school them to be like, no, we're not doing a quick fix. We're putting in the effort and the time every single day it takes work. Then we get to see the sustainable transformation after six months or so. So it's really about asking yourself, am I committed to doing the work? Because if you're not, then you can kind of stay in that diabetic cycle for a while until you're ready. So the majority of my clients.

Painful enough?

Yeah, absolutely. The majority of my clients are 40, 40 plus. You know, a woman in her 20s maybe isn't quite sick and tired of it yet. So the majority of the women that I work with are a little bit, are a little bit, you know, a little bit older. But I. Six months of hard work and you're going to see some incredible Incredible shifts. I mean, within the first little while, you're going to be able to, like, feel things you've never felt before and, like, make different decisions and make more informed decisions. But really getting into that place of, like, your body, really understanding the new about six months. Because if you think about it, you've spent 30 years doing it one way. Being disconnected from your body, using food as a drug, hating your body, trying to shame your waist. Skinny. And what we're doing now is we're doing the complete opposite. We're starting from a place of acceptance. And acceptance is not synonymous with complacency. So just because you accept yourself does not mean, A, you have to like it, and B, you're going to be complacent. It means I'm being real with what is right now, and I have an intention of transformation, and this is where I'm going. Going that for a lot of people is very hard because we're told to. I don't like where I am. I need to disconnect. I need to shame my way there, which keeps us stuck in that cycle.

So for everybody listening, couple things. I know you have a book and it is Hungry for Happiness, right?

That's right. Yep.

There you go. Hungry for Happiness. At hungry for happiness.com, you made it super easy. You also have something for all the audience. And just to make it easy for Everybody, we'll do JJVirgin.com HFH. You've done a free video series. What is that?

I have a free video series which is just three very simple exercises to do one a week, just for three weeks, and just to really feel this out in your body of what I'm talking about. I know for a lot of people, they logically get it, but what I want you to do is really feel it, because that's where the difference and that's where the change happens. Head on over to that URL and just check it out and see how you feel. And if you have any questions, just reach out. I know for a lot of people it's, you know, new territory. You know, dealing with feelings, it's like, oh, my God, I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel.

But you can't stuff them away. You can't put them in the closet and shut the door because they just crush you. And it's the only way to break free. So I love that you're tackling it. I know. You know, because with Miracle Mindset, getting people to really look at those things is. Is a challenge. But it's a big transformation, and you don't grow when things are easy. That's the bottom line.

What does that say? Diamonds are made under pressure.

Exactly. So I'm gonna throw a little curveball at you. What's the one thing you do every day that makes the biggest difference in your life?

Ooh, what a great question. You know, CrossFit. I know that sounds like that's where I'm at right now. I think because I was a dancer and a yogi for so long, I was very flowy. And CrossFit is, like, making me feel so strong and powerful and in my, like, warrior, in, like, my real, like, I just feel so, so powerful when I do that. And that transcends into every area of my life. I feel powerful with work, with relationships, you know, powerful with powerful and feminine. You know, you can be powerful and.

Feminine, you know, Absolutely. You can absolutely be a feminine badass.

Yes, it's totally possible.

I love that. And, you know, we don't compartmentalize. So once you step up into a, you know, more, a more powerful presence that can be a life changing presence, it's going to impact everything. It's same with mindset. Same with the work that you're doing. I'm sure you do it addressed to food, but as people go through that, it will start to change their relationships. Not just with food, but I would think with people and impact their work and everything else.

So true.

Yes, I had a feeling. All right, well, thank you so much for joining me. Now, after the break, I'll be answering a listener's question, so stay with me.

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Welcome back. This is the time where I answer a listener's question. And today's question comes from Karen in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. And she says, jj, no matter what I do, I can't get rid of my sweet tooth. Got any hacks? All right, so I thought this was especially good One to do when we were talking about emotional eating, because there's definitely some stuff in here with turning to sugar. And I'll tell you how it ties in with emotions. When we eat sugar, there's a couple different things we know that it's like. It is our number one recreational drug of choice, no question. But also it can help boost serotonin in the brain. So it does make you feel good momentarily until your blood sugar crashes, and then guess what you go racing for. Yep, another cookie. Now, the other thing that we know is that genetically, some people, besides us all being hardwired to seek out, you know, sweet, but genetically, some people just like sweet more. And in fact, they also, some people, the more sweet they eat, they just keep wanting more and more sweet. Now, I believe exposure equals preference. And for all of us, the more sweet we eat, the more sweet we want. But some people are just hardwired for that to be even more so. So when I wrote the Virgin Diet, the biggest question I got asked was about sugar. It seemed that people were either controlled by it or confused by it or both. You know, they're like, well, what about artificial sweeteners? They don't have calories. Or what about honey? It's all natural. So what I set out to do was not write a weight loss book, even though when you go on the Sugar Impact diet, the average person lost 10 pounds during the transition phase and up to 2 pounds in their waist. But that wasn't why I wrote it. I wrote it to help people break free of their sweet tooth. And I did that by helping them taper off of sweet, replace it with healthy protein, fat, and fiber to keep blood sugar balanced. Right? And then to start to use things could help take the sweet tooth away. So I'm going to give you a couple of those hacks right now. And one of my favorite hacks to help take your sweet tooth away is sour. And I learned this from my buddy Donna Gates of the Body Ecology Diet. And she taught me that, you know, fermented foods could help take your sweet tooth away. But if they were doing it because of the sour, now some of it, too, could be that they're feeding the gut microbiome. And the more balanced that is, the less you're going to have issues with overeating and sweets. But one of my favorite hacks for helping to take your sweet tooth away is, number one, sour using lemon juice. I call it my lemonade, where you do a couple tablespoons of lemon juice in water before a meal. Now, there's a couple reasons this is important. The sour takes your sweet tooth away, the lemon is alkalizing, and then the lemon also helps lower the blood sugar response to the meal. Now here's where how we amplify the effect. Add in glutamine, which also can help reduce your sweet tooth and help reduce your appetite and help boost growth hormone. And add in chia seeds because the fat fiber again will help you feel not feel hungry. So you'll have both the water and the fiber working to lower your appetite. So all of those things together help with cravings and help with hunger. So that is my favorite little sugar hack. Now if you'd like to submit a question, go on over to my Facebook page at JJ Virgin Official. All right, this is the gratitude portion of the show and I love this so much. Every morning I wake up and I spend some time writing down what I'm great grateful for. And then we read these iTunes reviews. The team, the whole team does. And so this is another thing that I'm grateful for are these is when you share the podcast with friends and when you take the time to give us a review. So today I want to shout some gratitude out to Tierra 99 and Tiara says. I started my health journey six months ago, where I started researching nutrition like crazy. One of the first places I started was J.J. virgin's podcast and book. After that, I've listened to a lot of other podcasts and read a ton of books. And at the end of the day, her podcast is still the best, most informative, and based on all the info I've researched and books I've read, the most consistent and accurate. Everything she says in these podcasts has later been confirmed by my other research. She's extremely wonderful and I hope these podcasts never end. And oh my gosh, like girl crush on you. Well, I'm assuming you're a girl. I'm not sure I'm thinking Tira because only Tiara I know is a woman. But maybe it's Tira is not your name. Anyway, I so, so so appreciate that. And if you'd like to leave a review, jump on over to itunes and while you're there, subscribe and share it with your friends. I so appreciate that and I appreciate you joining me today. All right, until next time, this is JJ Virgin signing off.

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