In this interview, JJ Virgin and expert speaker B explore how low levels of oxytocin manifest and why they matter. They outline behavioral signs—reduced social engagement, loss of enjoyment, diminished intimacy, and even traits linked to autism such as poor eye contact and cold hands—as clues that oxytocin may be deficient. The conversation identifies stress, chronic cortisol elevation, trauma, depression, and negative self‑talk as the chief drivers that suppress oxytocin production. They explain how prolonged high cortisol triggers the brain’s paraventricular nucleus to down‑regulate cortisol, leading to catabolic effects: muscle and bone loss, increased urinary acidity, and bladder problems. Oxytocin, by contrast, alkalinizes the body, supports bone health, and promotes regeneration, positioning it as a “longevity hormone.” Practical lifestyle recommendations are offered: avoid excessive endurance training when adrenal function is compromised, favor resistance work, HIIT, and meditation; maintain an alkalizing, anti‑inflammatory diet; cultivate gratitude and strong relationships. The experts argue that fostering oxytocin through social connection and balanced stress responses is more valuable for a fulfilling, long life than relentless hard work.
Chapters
How would someone suspect they were low in oxytocin?
You know what, in, you know, in like the self-evaluation with yourself, it's assessing, do I feel connected? Do I, you know, am I enjoying the activities I used to enjoy? Am I feeling less likely to initiate intimacy or some of those activities? I'm not playing with my pet as much. I'm not going out to my horses and connecting with my girlfriends. I'm not interacting in life, engaged in life as much as I used to. Now, there are other hormones involved in there too— serotonin, dopamine, etc., melatonin. And, you know, all our reproductive hormones have a part. But definitely, that over the long haul, looking, you know, at those symptoms of low oxytocin is key. The other thing is, when we think of autism as a low oxytocin state, So not making eye contact, you know, not having physical touch or initiating physical touch, cold, clammy hands, pale skin. Those are symptoms of low oxy— those can be symptoms of low oxytocin, among other things.
And what things would, would make your oxytocin go low?
Definitely number one is stress, is certainly stress, trauma, depression, negative self-talk. Again, that most common thing I see, it has to do with cortisol, is the most common thing.
So you could pretty much assume if someone's got, you know, chronically, and this is, I think this is so important to designate. I, I hear so much stuff right now about people being afraid to exercise because it causes a cortisol rise. I'm like, yes, that's good. Like, it's, we got to know acute versus chronic. If you cannot acutely raise cortisol we will not be here. So you want to be able to do that. And if you looked at the things that happen during exercise, you would not exercise because you'd look like you were having a heart attack, you know, right? It's kind of ridiculous. But, um, you know, I'm looking at what are these things because it seems like it's safe to say if you've got chronically elevated— or probably just the opposite, that would be true too if you really burnt out your adrenals— either one of those two things would also mean low oxytocin?
Yeah, because when your cortisol is up for a long time, your paraventricular nucleus in the brain will say, okay, cortisol, you are frying me out, and suppress it. It's like putting the brakes on your cortisol. And so what happens, you're in the— is the adrenals aren't burned out, they're just in hypofunction. They're, you know, like your body, your PVN is like, okay, we got to save you from frying out the system. High chronic cortisol is catabolic. It breaks down muscle, it breaks down bone. Hence one of the reasons I have a 37 7-year-old in my practice right now with osteoporosis, very high stress and PTSD. I mean, you, you know, that it will break down. Cortisol is catabolic, it breaks us down. Oxytocin, and it increases acidity in our, in our bodies. It actually physiologically increases hydrogen ion secretion across our renal tubules of our kidneys, and so creates that acidic urine pH, which long-term too isn't good for bladder health. I mean, cystitis, infections, incontinence. As we get older, we have to really pay pay attention to these things. So anything that can help support decreasing oxytocin is going to help support increasing— I mean, increasing oxytocin. Yeah. So we— anything that supports increasing oxytocin is going to help manage cortisol. And with that concept of, oh well, you're, you know, don't— I mean, I agree, don't run a marathon when you're burnt out. I mean, I agree, go for a walk, do things, a marathon. Yeah. And don't ever run a marathon, right?
I got that one.
Marathon, how's that?
So I know I'm gonna get some hate on that.
Yeah, I—
yeah, sorry. Take some of that time and do some resistance training, HIIT training, and meditate.
Well, you know, or put that challenge on and check it off. But look at the state of your life that you're in. Marathon runners versus sprinters, which looks healthier? And what else is going on in your life? So if you're focusing on that alkalizing, nourishing diet, you've got low inflammation in your system. When you have, you know, I mean, anything— you have a gratitude practice, you have good relationships and good friends, relationships, that's a very good cocoon to do whatever exercise you want, honestly, because— and this is the other piece with oxytocin— and say, okay, cortisol is acidifying, oxytocin is alkalinizing. We've seen that in many studies. We've seen that it helps with regeneration of even aged muscles. Again, there's so much good stuff with oxytocin as far as a longevity hormone, is the key to longevity. And especially if you consider, what do most people want on their, you know, gravestones or their head you know, their headstones at the time they died, you know, I loved well and I was well loved, right? I mean, that's oxytocin, right? Not that I worked harder or, you know, stressed out.
I worked my ass off and felt like people didn't appreciate me.
