Winning the Inner Game of Weight Loss with John Assaraf

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Hey, it's JJ Virgin. And welcome to the JJ Virgin lifestyle show where I give you the latest cutting edge intel to help you look, feel and think better. Now, today's show is is all about winning the inner game of weight loss. And I'm super excited about the guest I have for you. A buddy of mine, he actually lives close by one of my neighbors and it is John Assaraf. Now, you may have heard of him from the secret or quest for success that he was in with Sir Richard Branson, the Dalai Lama, or maybe you saw him on Larry King. He's been on there eight times. Plus he's been on Ellen and written two New York Times best selling books. Just an amazing guy. But he's an incredible story about how he kind of switched gears off of some of the other companies. He built like big time into real estate and has moved into neurogym and has become recognized as one of the leading behavioral and mindset experts in the world for being able to help people release the mental and emotional obstacles that prevent them from reaching their very best. And one of those areas, of course, is in weight. And he's got his own personal story which he's going to share with you today as to why he got into this and, and how he was able to help himself. And I helped him a little bit along the way as well. So I am super excited to share my buddy John Assaraf with you today. All right, let's do it. John Assaraf, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here with me today.

So great to be here. Jj. I love your work.

Oh. And you know, I love your work and love you. And this is such a fun, cool thing to talk about because you just are really one of the leading experts now on neuroscience. And to go into the neuroscience of weight loss is awesome. We haven't talked about that in this show at all. So I'd love to first off ask you, like you've such a varied background, like, what made you get into all of this?

I guess I've just been working on myself for many, many years to try and bridge the gap between the Goals that I have for myself, whether it's my, know, physical body, whether it's my income, whether it's my relationships or my businesses to bridge the gap between the goals and the vision that I have and my actual reality. And so it really took me into the world of neuroscience to understand, you know, where does self image play a part, for example, of achieving a goal that you have? What are the things going on in our brains that cause us to take action and consistently continue it versus taking action for a day or a week and then stopping. So I've just been fascinated with what causes us to achieve or not achieve the goals that we want. And I've just gotten really good at the neuroscience of it, the brain science of what's happening to make it easier for myself and for my family and for the clients who follow me around the world.

So you talked about this. What I see is a big disconnect. People set goals, they have the best intentions. And nowhere is this more true than in weight loss. As someone sets a goal, and then a day, a week, an hour later, things fall apart. You know, what's what, when you look at it from neuroscience, from, you know, brain science, what's the difference between someone setting the goals and then them actually being able to achieve them?

So a great question. And when somebody sets a goal, they're using, you know, their imagination, they're using their, you know, their deductive reasoning, their ability to say, well, I want this instead of that. So pretty easy. And as soon as you set a goal, we can now see in the brain scan imaging studies that you set off the dopamine release in your brain, which is the feel good chemical, and you set up endorphins, which makes you take action and you really get excited. But what we can also see is that as soon as you do that, which is a conscious effort, there are other circuits in the brain that light up as soon as you start putting energy in towards something new. And that is based on two things. Number one is whenever we do something new that's out of our comfort zone, meaning whatever we're used to achieving, that actually lights up the stress response center in the brain. Because your brain takes anything that might be out of your current comfort zone and perceives it as a threat. And so if you do this new behavior, is there a chance that you would get physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially hurt? And if the answer is yes, then it sets off that stress response. But there's another thing that happens, and that is it starts to challenge your current self. Image of yourself. So if you've been used to being a certain weight for a certain period of time, then there is a self image that you have of yourself that is being challenged. And when you are using up precious resources called energy, stress response kicks in again. And as soon as stress response kicks in, then the motivational circuit in the brain actually deactivates and the thinking circuit deactivates. And so people get excited about setting goals, but they really haven't been taught. And this is what we're discovering with the new science piece to it is they really haven't discovered, you know, how do I create coherence in my brain instead of chaos in my brain around achieving, achieving the goals. And so to achieve the goals, we have to work on self image, on achieving the goals. We have to work on a fat set point that works just like a thermostat on achieving goals. We have to create new behaviors that line up and match with the new goal that are going to compete with the habitual part of the brain that wants to keep the behaviors the same as they were last week, last month, for the last six months. So there's some subconscious, shall we say, things going on that we have to get in check in order to make our goal achieved, achieving efforts a new default in the brain.

So you kind of slid in self image there. Yeah, yeah, that we, we definitely want to address that because I am guessing that is a big deal in how well someone is able to lose weight and more importantly, how well they're able to keep it off. I've seen it time and time again where someone loses the weight and then directly sabotages himself back. So what's going on here?

So if you see yourself as being 20 or 30 or 10 or 50 or 75 pounds overweight over a period of time, let's say three months, six months, a year, two years. Most people who want to lose weight, you know, have tried 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 times and they yo, yo, back and forth. And the question is why? And because your fat set point and your self image works just like a thermostat in your office or home or car, whatever is the setting, is what the default mechanisms are going to kick to. And so when we have a self image, just an image of what we have been for a while, that's the thermostat setting in the brain. When we don't believe that we deserve to be thinner and keep it, that's part of the self image. When we have fears around if we lose the weight and then gain it back and we're going to disappoint ourselves and others again. Well, our self image says, well, I don'. Want to be embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed or disappointed, so I'm not even going to try. So the hidden self image has got to be calibrated or recalibrated to feel comfortable in the new weight, be comfortable with the new maybe attention that you're going to be getting, be comfortable with the risk that, hey, you might, you know, slip back a little bit only to get back on again. And so the hidden self image is everything that we believe to be true about ourselves right now. And so we just have to recalibrate that to match losing weight, or what I prefer to do is releasing the weight, letting it go, letting somebody else have it instead of you, and then keeping it off versus losing weight only to start all of the old patterns that got you to have an increased amount of weight.

And you know, I have to shout out, you just triggered a memory in me when you talked about releasing the weight. Because someone listening might say, well, you know, what does John know? He's never had a struggle. So what about you, John?

Well, as I'm standing here talking to you at my desk, I'm 192 to 195 pounds, somewhere in that range. But I was 238 pounds just a couple of years ago. And the reason I got so deep into this weight loss or weight release issue is because I've personally lost over 250 pounds. It just happened, you know, 10, 15, 20, 25 pounds. Yeah, I just got sick and tired of thinking I'm a smart person and going, why, why is this happening? And when I dove into, you know, what was happening in my brain, what was happening, you know, that really caused me to gain and lose weight and gain and lose weight for so many years and to finally now, you know, I've been at this weight now for, for the last several years. And for me the key wasn't to lose weight. That's actually pretty easy. The key is to reset the subconscious fat set point, hidden self image set point so that you stay at the new weight. And so I just became a student for myself first and for my wife. And now, you know, we're able to, to share some of what we learned with others to help them, you know, reset their hidden self image and fat set points.

Now, I've heard you talk about disappointment avoidance. What is this? And, and oh, and how does it relate to weight loss?

I had a discussion with my wife Maria just this weekend about this, and we were talking about people who are afraid to try again. And I was talking with her about, you know, the reason why is because of something in neuroscience called disappointment avoidance. And so if you think about, you know, just from a biological perspective, our biology is geared towards keeping us safe. And we don't want to feel any emotional pain. We don't want to be embarrassed or ashamed again. And so, so many of us who have lost weight and gained it back, and lost weight and gained it back, we've all heard from our friends, oh, wow, you look so good. And the next time we see them, they don't say anything because we've gained that £10 or £12 or £15 back. And we've done that so many times. So a couple things happens. Number one is we go on diets and then gain weight back. And so we disappoint ourselves that we haven't been able to figure out why. Well, that's going to come to an end today because we'll help people. But when we have friends who stop complimenting us or co workers that stop complimenting us because they've noticed that we've gained the weight back, we don't want to disappoint ourselves or them again, including our family. And so the triggers and the circuits in the brain basically shut off the motivation to even start because we don't want to be embarrassed, ashamed, or ridiculed. And so this is part of our biology and keeping us safe and away from emotional, you know, pain or discomfort. And this happens, you know, at the subconscious level. And we start to rationalize, which means we start telling ourselves rational lies. Why now is not the right time? Well, I've tried dieting before. I've even tried to exercise and diet before. I've tried to sleep well and diet and exercise. And we start to tell ourselves little mental stories that keeps us away from really moving into a new pattern and a new way of, you know, losing weight and keeping it off.

So someone listening right now, because as you said, that I'm like, hearing all the, oh, it's my genes. Oh, it's, you know, I'm getting older. You know, someone listening right now, what's one thing they could do today to help them start to make this shift?

I think the first thing that's really, really important from a brain science perspective is this. Go online or grab some of your magazines and pick a body type like yours, okay? A body type like yours. So we know everybody's got different types of bodies, but pick A body type like yours that happens to be in the shape that you would like to be in. And why am I asking people to do it? Because the next phase of this, I want you to take your little picture of your face and I want you to put it on that image. Now you might go, well, why would I put my face on somebody else's body? And the reason is this. If you can give your brain an image of the body shape that you want to be in, and you could start to create that pattern in the conscious and subconscious mind, you will actually activate the motivational circuits in your brain. You will actually activate something called the left prefrontal cortex, which is the genius part of your brain that can actually help you move towards that. And we know from a scientific perspective, process or from a scientific process and from scientific research, if you can impress that image into your subconscious mind where your hidden current self images, you can start to replace your current self image with a new image of the body that you want that's realistic for you. And then when you start taking the actions, whether it's the food plan you're on, whether it's the walking or exercise program you're on, or anything else that you're doing, the action steps towards getting that. Now you have just one piece of how you can reset your self image to match the behaviors that you're taking. And so you're working from the inside out and the outside in. And we all know the power center is the subconscious mind. So why not work with the power center as you are making these smart decisions to look and feel the way you want to.

You want to hear something super cool about that, that idea? I have a doc out in LA who I was talking to, I think like 15 years ago. He goes, you know, I have this one thing that I do with my weight loss patients that works every single time, but they won't do it. And he described, he said, you get them to take a picture of a body, their, their after body that's, you know, that they want put their head on it. He described this exact same thing. He goes, it works every time. And I'm thinking, well, gosh, I would just make that then. Absolutely. A you must do this in order to do my program. And we've actually put it into all of our programs as a starting point as you define that. So I love hearing that reinforcement because it is so powerful. It's that whole, you know, you'll believe it when you see it. So start seeing it now. Now I'm gonna throw A curve ball over at you, John. Not really, though. What is the one thing that you do every day that you feel makes the biggest difference in your life?

I have my morning rituals that I do every single day. I don't care where I am around the world. Number one, I wake up and I start off by thanking, waking up, realizing that somebody didn't wake up this morning and somebody won't even go to bed tonight. So just being in a state of gratitude, I focus on being grateful for my health, wealth, relationships, career, business, God, et cetera. And then I go and do a morning meditation for about 15 to 20, 25 minutes. And then right after that I review all of my goals. So I review my health goals, I review my spiritual goals, financial goals, and I just prime my brain to have that new vision for each area of my life. And I invest probably about five to seven minutes looking at the goal for each area of my life, closing my eyes and seeing it and feeling it as if it's real and true right now. Then after that I work out with my trainer. And then right after that I have my super duper JJ virgin smoothie with my greens and fruits and all the other stuff that I have in my morning smoothie.

There you go. I love the way you finished that one.

Oh, I'm sure you did. You got me started on your, on your protein powders, I think, what, two years ago?

Yeah, it was a couple years before that we decided that sugar was not your friend anymore. And you know, that's why I think this is even more valuable is you've actually done all of this yourself. This is, you know, so it all comes from that place and that start. So I love that and I know that you have something cool for everybody listening today. You put something fun and free. A great gift for everybody. Tell us about it.

So we've come up with a program to help people and we're going to give one of the pieces of it to everybody who's listening right now. It's a weight release inner size. So just think of. Inner sizes are for your brain's neuromuscles, what exercise is for your physical muscles. And so what I created was some positive declarations and affirmations and emotional anchors that everybody could just listen to. About 15 minutes worth to help you with your weight release and new body and self image. And this inner size audio that we're going to gift to everybody will help you assimilate and integrate new beliefs about yourself and your weight that will empower you from the inside out. To drive your weight release success. And it's about a 15, 16 minute audio that will give everybody JJ, thank you.

So everyone can get that@jjvirgin.com neurogym and you'll we'll have that in the show notes as well. And I want to thank you so much for joining me today, John. You're awesome as always, my joy, my dear. All right now after the break, I'm going to be answering listeners questions. So stay with me.

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Leaky gut support a try. Welcome back. This is the time where I answer a listener's question. And today's question comes from Trevor in Kansas City. She says, jj, help. I can lose the weight, but I'm even better at gaining it back. How do I solve the weight regain challenge that I seem to chronically be facing? And you know, it's interesting, you know, if you've been listening to this show that what I look for are the perfect questions for whichever podcast I'm doing and I watch on my Facebook lives and on my Facebook and Instagram feeds for questions that I can feature. So thank you so much for this question, Trevor. And of course it was the perfect question to be answering here. And again, I would definitely grab the freemium at jjvirgin.com, forward/neuro gym to start working on the inner game. And I'm give you a couple other quick strategies that can help too because when we queried our list, so what the biggest challenges they were facing, a big challenge that came up over and over and over again was that of weight regain. Often because someone got injured or they went on vacation, they got off the group. And so I always say go back to what works. If you were doing the virgin diet, get back into the first phase. If you're doing the sugar impact diet, go back into the second cycle. And if you've only done one of the programs, go jump into the other one. So always go back to, you know, that place to start to get a reset and a detox. But here are a couple things that can help you make this shift so that you never have to come back and deal with this again. Or that when it starts to happen, you have a quick fix. And that is weigh in every single day on the scale. Now, it used to be years and years ago that I told people you can only weigh in once a week. And if you're weighing every week, you know, that's every day. That's, that's, that's bad. And I was wrong. The research actually shows just the opposite, and it makes sense. The research shows that people who weigh in every day actually are better at keeping their weight off. And it makes sense because as things start to slip, you catch this pretty quickly. So that's the first thing I tell people to do, is weigh in every single day. Every week, do your measurements, but every day weigh in. And the second one is to keep your food journal going, because that really keeps you on the straight and narrow. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people tell me that they're, you know, not eating anything they shouldn't, but yet I spend time with them, I'm watching them, I'm going. You aren't even aware of some of the stuff you're putting into your mouth. Oopsies. And then the third thing is to make sure that you've got a good community of support around you. You know, there was a great study that showed that obesity was contagious. You can catch it from your friends in that we tend to weigh what our closest friends weigh. It's very interesting. Jim Rohn talked about this. Years ago that our income was the average of the five people we spent the most time with. Well, it turns out our weight in fitness levels tend to be too. So what I would tell you there is find fitter friends. And, you know, the easiest way to do that is to get into a community. I've got a great community called the JJ Virgin Lifestyle Community. If you've done any of my online programs, you become a member there. Or if you join the JJ Virgin Lifestyle Club, which gets you a monthly Facebook Live, all sorts of cool deals and gifts from my personal stash of fun stuff and free programs, etc. So you definitely want to check that out. But join that community. Get into a community where people will support you and want to help you be a better you. And won't be those sabotagers, as we all know, they're out there. Oh, just have a little of this. I actually had one of my girlfriends who is a well known fitness expert, a nutrition expert, tried to get me to eat some gluten free bread and cheesecake the other night and I'm like, you gotta be kidding me, I'm not doing that. So make sure you're surrounding yourself with that circle of amazing support. Right? Super important. Now again, if you want to submit a question, best place my Facebook page JJ Virgin Official and jump in on my weekly Facebook lives. They are super fun and of course you can do it in Instagram or Pinterest as well. JJ Virgin. And now it's the gratitude portion of the show. This is my favorite thing. It was interesting hearing John talk about his morning ritual. It's incredible that every successful person I interview has a morning ritual and it always includes gratitude. There are no accidents my friends. So I love to do some gratitude on my show as well. And it's always gratitude for people who are leaving reviews about the podcast. Because you know what, it helps a ton. Social proof is huge. So all you need to do you're listening on itunes is just jump on in and leave a review. Hopefully I'll get to feature you next. This one is from Linnell one and she says Dear jj, first off, the subject line is this show is the perfect companion to your eye opening books. Exclamation point 5 stars. Dear JJ, I love your podcast. It's the perfect companion to your eye opening life changing books. I first saw you on PBS discussing the Sugar Impact Diet. Everything you said made so much sense to me. Since then I've lost 22 pounds and cut out so many bad habits. Splendid isoting gluten, etc I've fallen off the wagon a few a little bit splurging a bit on weekends which I've learned really doesn't work at all. But I'm back on track and lost six pounds on the Sugar Impact diet just last week. I also just purchased an exciser which I've been using faithfully every day. I just want to mention one more thing. Your recipes are fantastic. Recently it went to my niece's birthday party knowing there was going to be all kinds of food there that wasn't on the plan. I brought a crudite platter with your guacamole recipe from the Sugar Impact Diet. Not only did it help me stay on the plan, but the other partygoers loved it. I saw one of the younger women there, svelte little things scraping the bowl. Keep up the great work on the show. You're an inspiration. Ah thank you so much and thank you all for joining me today. I want to remind you you heard a lot of stuff today and it's great information when you put it into action. So take some courageous, inspired action and hopefully it even scares you a little bit because each time you do that, build resilience and let you show up bigger in your life. Alrighty, till next time. See ya. 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This is Anne Bogle, author, blogger and creator of the podcast what Should I Read next? Since 2016, I've been helping readers bring more joy and delight into their reading lives. Every week I tag all things books and reading with a guest and guide them in discovering their next read. They share three books they love, one book they don't, and what they've been reading lately, and I recommend three titles they may enjoy reading Reading Next Guests have said our conversations are like therapy, troubleshooting issues that have plagued their reading lives for years, and possibly the rest of their lives as well. And of course, recommending books that meet the moment. Whether they are looking for deep introspection to spur or encourage a life change, or a frothy page turner to help them escape the stresses of work, school, everything. You'll learn something about yourself as a reader and you'll definitely walk away confident to choose your next read. With a whole list of new books and authors to try. So join us each Tuesday for what Should I Read Next? Subscribe now wherever you're listening to this podcast and Visit our website whatshould I read next podcast.com to find out more.