Forget Big Change, Start with a Tiny Habit | BJ Fogg

And in Tiny Habits, I have people focus on the feeling of success. There's a variety of emotions that can wire in habits, and one of them is the feeling of relief. The lifting of anxiety can wire in a habit, but that's very hard to hack. What you can hack is your feeling of success. So the Tiny Habits method, through a technique called celebration, you cause yourself to feel successful. And I named that emotion Shine. And that's what hacks your brain chemistry to make the behavior more automatic. What you see on page 277, and I know you guys can't see this, but in case you don't have a book or can't get there in your Kindle version, and if you have the Audible version, of course you can't see this, but if you have the Audible version, don't have graphics hang out. We created a great graphic toolkit for you. Anyway, this, this is what the book is about. It's really about this thing I call Behavior design. And Behavior Design is a set of models. And you could just write this right into the graphic. Models are ways of thinking. Oh, I already wrote it for you. Ways of thinking clearly about the behavior. Methods. Methods are ways of designing or doing, and then maxims. And so when I talk, when I say behavior design, that's what I mean. It's a new set of models, a new set of methods. And these maxims, and these are not summaries of past work. The book and Behavior Design is not just a cherry picking of stuff that's happened since William James. This is all new stuff. And that's really, really important to know and to understand. This book in the context of so many other books out there that this is all new stuff. And so many other books out there in habits, as clever as they are packaged and marketed, are summaries of old stuff, some of which is wrong and misleading. So behavior design, that phrase is a phrase my Stanford lab came up with in 2010 in naming the new work we were doing for a couple of years at Stanford, which was no longer persuasive Technology. So at Stanford, I started the Persuasive technology lab in 1998, which is about researching how computers could influence attitudes and behaviors. And then about 2008 or so, 10 years later, it was like we just weren't that interested in persuasive technology. And so our work evolved and then we named it Behavior Design and notice it's not behavioral design. So since we came and I should have, I should have consulted Michael Fishman for a more distinguished label than behavior design because people have picked up on it because it's such a nice phrase. And behavioral design is being used in lots of ways to mean lots of things. But the book is about behavior design and it's these models and methods with a special emphasis on the tiny habits method. I am big, big, big into systems, you know, thinking about things systematically and as it turns out, human behavior, there is a system behind it and the behavior model is the thing that cracked it open. That's a systematic way of thinking about behavior. And then you can go further from there, especially seeing that how it's all a system. You don't have to guess to change your behavior, change other people's behavior. There's a system and if someone think doesn't work, then you go someplace else and so on. And that to me is very satisfying because that's how I like to think about stuff.

How do beliefs of not loving ourselves factor into tiny habits?

Wow, we're starting off with a really, really tough question. Let me answer in a very practical way, then I'll get a little more philosophical from the practical perspective. For anybody who has negative thoughts or self shame or beliefs of not loving themselves, however you think of that, just dive into the tiny habits method and start making super simple like flossing and do two push ups and pour a glass of water. In other words, don't go after that big scary nebulous thing. Start with just practicing the tiny habits method and develop the skills of change. You can come back to the bigger, more nebulous thing later. But the way to think about it is changing your behavior is a skill. Just like driving is a skill or speaking French is a skill, or you know, leading a meeting is a skill. And the more you practice in the right way, the better you get in changing your behavior. But you don't want to start with the biggest hardest thing. That would be like, oh, I want to play piano and I'm going to start with the hardest concerto by Rachmaninoff. You know that would be a mistake. So if you haven't practiced the skills of change systematically, there might be some skills you're good at and some you're less good at. But don't tackle Rachmaninoff in your life out of the gate. Practice with really simple little things to develop your skills and your confidence. You can change and then you can turn those, do harder challenges just like you would in other kinds of skills. You know, in piano you start with simple little etudes and scales and Mary has a little lamb and so on. And then you work up your confidence in your capacity to do harder things. So that's how I would look at this question. There are ways. I don't have a 100% tidy answer for you, but there are ways to tackle negative thoughts by using the Tiny habits method. I'll give you an example. Whenever I'm ruminating about something like, wow, why didn't I switch to Outlook as an email client sooner? I've lived in the Apple email client world forever being frustrated and I really should have switched the Outlook years ago, but I was naive and I didn't. Just so you know, because that cut into my productivity. I know that sounds like kind of a trivial example, but it kind of is. But it's true. So rather than just ruminate like, oh wow, bj, you really could have been more productive had you switched to a better tool. My recipe. Whenever I criticize myself for something like that is I say, you learn things when you learn things. So that is the phrase that works for me. That after I start criticizing myself for something I should have done sooner or known sooner, I say, you learn things when you learn things. So that can be put in the Tiny habits recipe format. After I start beating myself up for not knowing something soon enough, I will say, you learn things when you learn things. And so there are approaches you can take like that. Like I said, it's not 100% answer, but it is a Tiny habits approach to respond in a helpful way when you recognize that you're having these negative thoughts. I'll stop there.

Yeah. You know, bj, like my friend Kathy Colby, even we had gaping void. Do one of the illustrations back here. It's on the wall that says that the time to quit working is when working is no longer working. So it reminds me what you just said about you learn things when you learn things. I've been thinking a lot about, I've said this every genius network members probably heard me talk about this. But people say that content is king. And I actually think context is more important than content. Right. And then there's communication because we're all communicating or being communicated too. But then there's comprehension, so the ability to comprehend things. So again, to go back to you learn things when you learn things. There are times where I just can't absorb it. I mean, I'll be talking to someone. It just doesn't sink in. What does tiny habits have to do with the ability to learn? Like what? How would you frame it in the context? Sometimes you can be reading a book and you know What I've noticed if I'm outside in the heat trying to read or listen to an audiobook versus if I'm in a comfortable place with temperature that's not grueling. I'm twice as capable of comprehending something if that makes sense. I even think of behavior at that level of like the environment and when you're taking it in.

Yeah, well, there are three angles to this and I'll be brief so we can get to other questions. And Joe, you can moderate, you can select what other questions in the chat. Bottom I will Number one, what does tiny have to do with learning? Well, one perspective is everything. When I think of learning, I think of behavior change. Equals, equals, like equals in this way, you know, the triple equal sign. It's exactly the same as learning equals behavior change. That's how I think about it now. Not, you know, there's other definitions of learning too, but I have, I just think so. That's one answer. Another answer has to do with setting up the context. Since I launched the free five day program at Tiny Habits in 2011, from the very first session I taught, I had no idea it was going to go for years. And I had no idea I'd be coaching thousands of people personally through email week after week after week. In that very first session I ever taught, I already knew or I already had put forth this idea that there are three ways to create lasting change. One is have an epiphany. Guess what? You can't make yourself have an epiphany, so get rid of that one. Two is to change your context or environment so you can design your context or environment in this case for learning. And then three is to change in small incremental ways and make those things automatic. And so Tiny Habits is mostly about the third way, but the role of context. And it really operates like a cycle. So you've got these tiny changes, you've got your context to your environment, and as you do these new habits, you naturally change your context. As you redesign your context, you make the habits easier to do. Now there's a more sophisticated model I have for this. But redesigning your context or your environment is really important to do. And there still is not a great book or a program out there just on redesigning your context, at least not that I know of. I try to get Weight Watchers to do a program that was not about behavior change but about designing your context. It's like, hey, no willpower, no behavior change. All you have to do is redesign your environment. It's super Powerful, but they really do work together. So certainly it's hard for me to talk about context without habits that help further optimize the context of learning. And then the last answer is about. There are ways you can trick yourself to go into learning experiences. One of my favorites is like, say I'm resisting reading some paper I'm supposed to read or something. I don't really want to. So I say, okay, D.J. set a timer. The tiny habits approach is I set a timer for seven minutes or three minutes or whatever it is, and I start. So the behavior, the habit is just set a timer. And I trick myself by saying, when this goes off, I can stop reading. But as you know, getting started is often the hardest part. So you can get yourself started. Once you're seven minutes into a paper, you're probably going to keep going. So that's three different angles to how I would think about that question. Great.

Thank you. So I'll just go to Bob's. I see how I could dig new tiny hap. I guess, start new tiny habits such as daily yoga and exercise. But is there a process to identify an elusive tiny change that I need, but I haven't yet identified it? I think what you just said with the timer is one example.

Yeah. What a great question. I don't have a method for that to stumble across like, oh my gosh, I really should be putting MCT oil in my coffee or whatever. I think just staying well. Once you have confidence that you can create habits readily and quickly without tapping into willpower, without beating yourself up, then you actually look around for what other habits should I, you know, because then it becomes like, well, I can create kind of any habit that I want. What should I be doing? So you kind of tune in. And that's why when you're in groups like this and people suggest, like, talk about their practice, you say, oh my gosh, I'm going to start doing this, I'm going to start doing that. And so I really think it speaks to community and the power of sharing best practices. And then you listening for like, oh my gosh, I could make that a habit. How great is that?

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video. And I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description. Or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can Simply go to joesfreebook.com and you can get a copy there. I'm Going to ask John's question. How do you practice Map. Iow, I see the high motivation is good, but how does that help you get the habit created? How does that fit the important emotion?

Yeah, okay, this is a good question, but there's a lot of aspects to this. Ideally, you pick a habit. If we go back to this, you know, if we're talking about a habit, and the way I write up habit is this with this arrow. So this is my notation for habit. Ideally, you pick a habit that you already want. Okay. So if you don't want to meditate, don't pick meditation as your habit. Pick something else that will serve the purpose. Pick so, and then you make it super simple and you make sure there's a prompt. So that's part of designing the habit. And the chapters we'll read coming up, we'll walk you through all of those. The emotion piece is not part of the behavior model, because behavior model is for every behavior. So when you get down to this, then this is where the emotion matters and it's the emotional experience you have. And in Tiny Habits I have people focus on the feeling of success. There's a variety of emotions that can wire in habits, and one of them is the feeling of relief. The lifting of anxiety can wire in a habit, but that's very hard to hack. What you can hack is your feeling of success. And so the Tiny habits method, through a technique called celebration, you cause yourself to feel successful. I named that emotion Shine. And that's what hacks your brain chemistry to make the behavior more automatic. So, yes, there's the behavior model, but then when we're designing for habits, you've got to wire it in to make it automatic, you've got to be really fast. You deliberately hack your emotions and cause yourself to feel an emotion. Now some new habits will. The emotion will come right with it. Let's say there's an app that just makes you so happy, and the first time you use it, it makes you so happy. Well, then you don't have to hack your emotion. It happened naturally. And many products and services that you love, the first time you tried it, it gave you a feeling of success. And that's why that product became. That's why you became engaged with that company or that product. And so in the boot camp, so this is written to everyday people to help change their behaviors. But then there's a bootcamp I do for professionals creating products and services. And I have a model for engagement, like what creates engagement. And one of the keys is the first time somebody uses your product or service, they got to feel successful. They got to feel like you've given them a superpower. And that matches to every example I can think of of a product or service that has engaged people. I mean, there's a pattern to it, but the feeling of success, especially in the first use, is really, really important.

You know what? I got to mention this one, bj, because Babs wrote, how many people here practice Maui Habit this morning with a heart? And then Alinka, and then Stefan, Spencer, Julie, Laura, Dorina, Brian, Sweet Marcus every morning. Bob me there. And so Babs wrote nine so far, including me. Who else started to practice the Maui Habit this morning? Since that's such a simple one. And why don't you just, for anyone that's not read it, explain what you do first thing, this alone is a good example of just something so simple that takes instantaneously almost.

Yeah. And I gave a TED Talk talking about the origin and why I named it the why we have it. But the way it goes is as soon as you touch your feet on the floor in the morning before you get out of bed, say, it's going to be a great day. Those seven words. And it's the only habit in the entire book that I prescribe. There's only one habit that I say you should do, and it's that one. After that, the book's about creating anything you want. And yeah, if now some of you will just naturally gravitate to it and we'll just click on the other end of the spectrum, some of you are going to be super skeptical. And the main thing I can do is just say, just try it. Just try it and see how it works for you. One of the. I think I mentioned this in the book. I know I talk about in the TED Talk. One of the subtleties, even when I don't feel like it's going to be a good day or don't feel like it, I still say it. Like the end of the day yesterday was kind of tough in my life. And so that affected my sleep a little bit. And then I get up and I put my feet on the floor and I still say, even though I'm like, I mean, I was looking forward to this for sure, but still, you know, I was not in the best of states, but I still said it's going to be a great day. And I just, like this morning just, I imagine it in my mind. This is my own practice. Like, if I really am resisting that, it's going to be a Great day. I just imagine a little crack of the door opening. It's not quite a door, it's just some little glimmer of light that comes through and it's like, yeah, yeah, okay. Even though it's mostly doesn't feel like it's going to be a great day, I see the possibility for it. So that's how I do it. Even on the days when I don't feel like seeing it or I don't feel like it's really going to be a great day, like, oh, it's going to be a hard day. And then sometimes I'll say it just like it's going to be a great day. Somehow like totally skeptically, but that actually works. So give it a shot, give it a shot. And then more and more. Some days I'll just sit on the edge of the bed and think about, oh, here are all the great things I get to do today. Bam, bam, bam, bam. So I don't have to but there's sometimes when I will take 10 or 20 seconds to kind of think through some of the awesome things or what I want to have happen in the day. You know how I can help and serve people.

Yeah, awesome. Let me ask you this one from Alinka. I like to create a solid reading habit with my 8 year old motivation to read low ability, medium high prompt me telling her to. How could I get her to actually read on her own for her own pleasure so that she can read tiny habits on her own soon?

What I would focus on first, I've not solved this problem in my own life, but I'm looking at other patterns. To answer this and try to give you a good answer is certainly create a solid reading habit. Find the prompt or the anchor. Don't have it. Be like hey honey, let's read. Find a spot in your day. What does it come after in the day that you and your child can rely on all the time? Like after we start the dishwasher, after lunch dishes or after we feed the dog, we will sit down and read one sentence in a book. It's not like even a page, it's like one sentence. Then if we want to go further, we can. And if we don't, we just close the book and say good for us. That's our habit. All we do is read one sentence. So find something. And this is part of the challenge and opportunity. You're designing the habits into your life. It's a design challenge. So you got to figure out where does this fit naturally in my day for myself and my daughter. And you may have to experiment a few times and you might, depending on your daughter's disposition and your relationship, you might say, hey, we got to solve a mystery here. We need to figure out where does reading one sentence together of a book, not BJ's book, but fun book for kids. Where does that fit? Let's think about it and let's try things and let's see if we can find the answer. So I would certainly start with a parent child reading habit, and then hopefully that translates to a lifelong love of reading habit for the child. So I'll stop. I'm only giving you a partial answer, but I feel confident about that. Going beyond that, I think would be outside of my area of expertise.

Stefan Spencer, I would assume that it's easier to start a new good habit than it is to stop an ingrained bad habit. Is that right?

Yes, Almost always. Yes. And that's why, when you're working on changing your life, start with creating new habits that are simple and ones you want. I think of it again like you're playing simple little songs so you develop the skills. You can tackle the big, hard things later. Some of my coaches have confirmed because some of my coaches have other training and counseling and weight loss and dietitians and all this. If somebody they're working with, somebody who's always struggled a weight problem and they come to them for help with their habits and tiny habits. They do not create tiny habits around eating or exercise. They avoid those topics that are so emotionally charged. And they practice the tiny habits method and learn the skills in other areas where that person doesn't feel so much emotional baggage. And that could be creativity, it could be relationships, tidiness. I'm a huge fan of that and so on. So. But to Stefan's question, people will often say, oh, change is hard. No change. Some change is really easy, people. So it drives me bonkers when people make these blanket statements or breaking a habit is really hard. No, some habits are really easy to break. Maybe you had the habit of going to the gym and you decided just to stop. That wasn't hard to stop. So be really suspicious when people make blanket statements about habits or behavior changes because there's a really a lot more nuance. But the way you phrase your question, Stefan, was right on. And yes, it's true. It's easier to start positive habits then. And I forgot how you phrased it, but I think it was, it had the nuance that so many people, even academics, failed to include in their papers. Like there's a headline. The first sentence in academic papers is, behavior change is hard. And it's like, well, some types are. And some types are really easy. And there's a whole range in between, so. Just drives me a little bonkers. But you're right, Stefan.

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