Former FBI Hostage Negotiator: The 2 Words That Guarantee You've Won Feat. Chris Voss

Let me ask you this one first. What do you do when a situation with a person or say many people in any area goes from bad to worse?

Yeah, well, you know, probably depending upon how you approach it. I mean, if it's bad to worse to worse, they're half and we're getting out. You know, I don't believe in blood money.

Yep.

It's an abundant world. I mean, it's an abundant world if you let it be. There are tons of people out there that are dying to do business with you and that you want to do business with them. So everyone that you're in a bad situation with, if it's going from bad to worse, that might be a sign it's time to go.

Yeah.

If it's going, if for whatever reason, you know, we're not going to withdraw. We're not going to withdraw with honor. You know, the first thing to do, a turnaround move, if you want to turn it around, the turnaround move is to summarize the other side's perspective and until you get a that's right out of them. Like period. Like you do not proceed until you get a that's right out of them. Now it will turn them and you around. You know, in the book we got coming out, one of my son's stories, he's with his now wife and mother of his child, and they're splitting up. She is packing to leave. It's a couple years ago. She's out. She's gone. Now he loves her. Another perfect match. And she doesn't want— he doesn't want her to go. So he decides he's going to lay a little black swan on her. He's going to summarize and he's going to get a that's right out of her. So as she's packing, he gets her to sit down and he summarizes her perspective. You know, in a recent vice presidential debate, you know, the two candidates said you're entitled to facts but you're not entitled to your own facts. When you summarize, you're summarizing the other side's facts. You're not summarizing your facts. Summarizing their facts. He got a that's right out of her, and she said, okay, I'll stay. He didn't make a case. He didn't make an argument. He didn't summarize all the stuff that he did right. Now, when he told us that story, that was the first time I heard that story, I said, you realize how much that leveled you out? By just taking a hard look at it from her perspective. Because the whole process of stepping back and trying to simply articulate, not agree, simply articulate her perspective completely got him out of anger, completely leveled him out. It did more for him than it did for her, and it did a lot for her. So if you really want to turn it around, Summarize the other side's facts, summarize to them why they think they're right and you're wrong. And the mere process of doing that will have astonishing results for you.

Great.

That's fantastic. So, well, Chris, if someone wants to learn to become a better negotiator, what's the first step that they should or could take, including, you know, reading your book or any of your trainings, if you could give some suggestions for that?

Yeah.

Well, in practice, stop making your case, stop making your argument. Or, you know, let's just reverse the sequence a little bit. Like way back when Covey told us seek first to understand, then be understood. Let's change that and say seek first to make the other side feel understood. Now, start practicing this in your small stakes conversations. Because you're not going to bring this to bear when you got a lot on the line. You're going to go back to your old habits, whatever they may be, good or bad. You know, with the Starbucks person, with the Lyft driver, with the person, you know, the checkout person at the grocery store, you know, take a shot at them on giving them a real brief, take a look at their face, and see how they feel in a moment and try to give them an idea that you understand what they're going through. Just start experimenting with this stuff in small stakes conversations. You will get results, and that will encourage you to drop it into your more important conversations. So how to get better right now? Just start, you know, mirror the clerk. I talked earlier about mirroring. Just repeat the last 3 words of what they said. If you can look at them, say, hey, it looks like a tough day, long day, uh, looks like you're tired, anything. Throw something out there to get a few words out of them and just start practicing all the small stakes stuff.

Okay, that's great.

Awesome.

Uh, Dean, anything else you want to ask them? We'll do some, uh, Q&A with the audience. And I do have some questions I'm going to ask, uh, Tarna on my team to actually post because I'm gonna Chris doesn't even know this yet, but this is going to be something that we're going to be gathering information from people and it'll be really useful. So great. I might, I might do that first, but do you have any, anything else you want to add before we— this has been great.

I want to keep it going.

Let's, let's get some people involved here, get some questions from the group here. So let me do that first.

Joe, can, can, can you ask the dean to be just a little more supportive?

Yeah, Dean, why are you being so insensitive? And I mean, you know, you'd think that Chris has already taught you the, the, you know, the DJ FM, uh, voice, uh, and you're, you're, you're coming across as very hostile right now. Very AM radio, talk radio.

Yeah, he's the sweetest guy on the planet. It's crazy.

Yeah, he is. He really is. Um, you know, so let's do this, Chris, because I'm gonna— this will be sort of a Tarna, let's go ahead and, so here's some questions that I wanna ask you guys. And I think we have a slide for it. And I want you to post them below. Post them in the chat. Let's take a couple of minutes to do this and just write number 1, for each one, what your answer is. Number 1, what is your number 1 business blocker? Number 2, what is your number 1 business progress killer? Number 3, what's the number 1 ingredient your business is missing? And number 4, what's your business blind spot? And we're doing this for a reason. So go ahead and write the answer to this.

If it's a blind spot, how are you supposed to know it's there?

Exactly. That's true. Yeah. So which one of these quizzes would you most likely click on here? So, can we change the words? We might be. Well, let's do this first. If you've got suggestions, I'm all for it. Yeah, go ahead, Dean. That's funny. What is your number one business blocker? What is your number one business progress killer? And Dean, I want you to—

I would, I would, I would love to speak to number two.

Okay, great.

Because I think it's simultaneously a blind spot.

So you get two for one really there.

We got special today.

Perfect. Oh, now I might need to ask people to repost their question because now the questions are— Andre Norman's in the house. Andre! Oh, you know, another thing too, Chris, let me ask you this before we do this, okay? Because there's, um, I have some friends that are on a Genius Network member. Darryl Sutherland just wrote a new book, uh, just came out, uh, and Darryl, speak to this. It's Your Life Is Not Your Fault. Um, so this is the book. Is the book now available, Darryl? Unmute yourself wherever you're at. Oh, I think she's changed it so she can't. Oh, Tarna has to unmute him. Sorry, Tarna will unmute Darryl Sutherland. And Tarna, I'd like you to unmute Ari. Uh, not— yeah, Ari's not on.

Okay, here we are.

Go ahead, Darryl.

Tarna has such amazing control over all of us, doesn't she?

Okay, now the reason I'm bringing you up is that Chris has sold over a million copies of his book Never Split the Difference, and so You know, people that have books, he's done a lot of work. First off, I think one of the ingredients is write a really damn good book, right? So, obviously, you have to have a great title. More importantly than writing a really great book is writing a really great book with a really great title.

Yeah.

So, that's a great question. Is it a good title?

Your Life Is Not Your Fault. What do you think, Dean? I don't know what the— I'll tell you, like, just honestly, the thing is, you don't know.

I don't know what that is relating to.

I don't know where that is. That because, yeah, it's—

then you're going to have to read the second part, the subtitle. That's the whole thing. What is the subtitle?

Let's parse it out.

What is it? What your community can't teach you that you need to know to win big in your personal and professional life. Okay, so basically, uh, lying that we're— that I'm—

so it seems like implying that I'm not winning, is that right?

Yeah, yeah, considering the emotional health crisis going on in the country right now and recognizing that the systems historically— now I've been in business for over 30 years and have been in the mentoring coaching side for over 20. And so this is an accumulation of all these years of finally getting this question answered: how do I start, or how do I start over?

Right?

This, this, this plateau that we seem to always hit. And so I wanted the title to be a little bit— makes you think. I've already had people, especially close to me, Like, what do you mean your life's not your fault? Don't you pick yourself up by your bootstraps? And so on and so forth. So, so the idea is it's supposed to be a little counterintuitive.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So, Darrell, what would you ask Chris Voss that would be helpful for you related to your new book?

This, this idea of how to, how to just get it in the market in the very beginning from— like, we've been trying to get this thing put out before Christmas because I know it's going to help a lot of people. And it's really this, this sequencing. And I know Dean and Joe Polish set this model up within Genius Network, this amazing book building process that we're all going to go through this year. I've been working on this now for many, many, many years. And now that it's done and in my hand, you know, waiting another 3 or 4 or 6 months is kind of painful. So I think the big question is, is what's the first steps to just getting it out in front of people? You know, knowing what we have access to with technology and the different platforms and so forth?

Well, I got to tell you something. Yeah, you want to get out of the gate really quickly, but that has not been the key to success at Never Split the Difference. You know, the success has really been us being relentless. And so we got another book coming out in May and, you know, and we're doing everything we can to get out of the gate quickly. You know, it didn't make any of the lists when Never Split the Difference came out. Opening day was big and then it fell off the cliff. And we just continue to seek ways to be relentless and just not let up on the gas. I mean, we just, we still haven't let up on the gas.

So what do you think, what do you think was that next big step you took after you had that initial launch and you had lots of people working hard for you and pushing out, pushing your book out there? But then, you know, like in many launches, and this is what, you know, yeah, we want to have great success up front, but I'm not doing this for bestseller lists and things of that nature. I'm doing it because I know the book is going to have huge impact in people's lives. This is— this was not a, you know, a quick let's just get it out there and this is my new business card model. This is something that I think is going to be very, very impactful for a lot of people. Trying to, trying to create something that you could, you could write that would touch anybody at any point in their life because we build a load of frameworks into the model. So what would be that next phase or the next step that you found that was effective? Was it being involved in these groups, Genius Network and things of this nature, and more organic growth and support from it, from a group of people?

Podcast interviews.

Podcast interviews.

Yeah.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video, and I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description, or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can simply go to joesfreebook.com and you can get a copy there. Chris, how many did you do?

Oh God. Well, there was probably a time when, you know, we got to the point where I was doing a couple a day. You know, the goal was— I remember way back when, you know, I heard that the Chicken Soup for the Soul guys said, we got to talk to somebody about the book every day. And so we took that attitude. You know, I didn't feel like that it was I'd had a good day if we hadn't talked to multiple people. And then we got to the point where then at certain levels, you know, a lot of the podcasters are monkey see monkey do guys. And you, until they see somebody at that level, see you interviewed by somebody at that level, they're not going to bring you on.

Yeah.

And then there was some that I wished we would have gotten that we never got. And I'm like, all right, And so, Chris, is your—

is the next book a follow-on from the first one? Because in what we're doing here, this Your Life Is Not Your Fault model for me and for this project is— it's actually a franchise model because I've already written about 40,000 words of the second book, which is Your Life Is Not Your Fault, But Your Business Is. So we're building a series of these— this project, if you will.

Yeah, I think that 1,000%. I mean, our next book is effectively, you know, subtitle is derived from an idea that I got on one of the Genius Network virtual get-togethers. And I can't remember who brought it up, but they were talking about book titles and somebody brought up the phrase, the missing manual. And I thought, we know since the book came out, and the feedback that we've gotten and how our thoughts have changed, what we would plug in and how we would put it out there differently, especially since the book came out. And then that, to me, that was a brilliant— and, and so the next book, the subtitle is The Missing Manual to Never Split the Difference. So for yours, you've already got the next book written, but you're gonna get some great feedback from the people that are helped by it or the people that should be helped by it. And that'll help make that next book that much better.

Yeah, we've had, we've had really good reviews so far of the, you know, the— I'll just say a handful of people that we put it in their hands so far. And, and we're tying this thing into, which I'm really excited about, working with André Norman. I've already shipped— he doesn't know it, I just— we just did it last night. We shipped off, um, I don't a box of them, like 20 or 30 books that are going down to the prison systems and helping people understand, um, you know, the impact that— what I mean, if people don't know what Andre is doing, they need to look into it because this guy is, is, is a saint. And I hope he can jump on here and say a few words, but we're gonna, we're gonna work something with him. And I don't know exactly how it's gonna all come together, but we're gonna, you know, If somebody buys a book, we'll give a book, but we're going to build to help him build his course and system for inside that prison model so we can get, you know, get these guys, especially in the current times today, they're going to come back into society and, you know, the recidivism rate is extremely high, right? Refender rate. And what he's doing in this program is just, it's incredible what he's been able to do. So we're really excited to figure out how we can help him. And like I said, I just think we're gonna help a lot of people with this thing.

So Andre is one of those guys that if he calls me on the phone, asks me to do something, I'm like, you got it, I'm in.

Yeah, he, he's amazing. If everybody hasn't bought, they need to go get Andre's Ambassador of Hope book as well. It's an amazing— he's just an amazing dude, amazing story. And I'm—

when I went back here on my shelf, I know I got it back here someplace.

Yeah, when Joe Polish introduced him, I don't know how many, a couple years ago, I was at one of the first meetings he was there, and, and And like, that was one of the things that completely sealed me in Genius Network was what Joe did bringing Andre in. But then when Andre started talking about what he was doing, it was just, it's kind of over the top. I mean, it was like, what the hell group, what are we doing here? What is this thing? What is this Genius Network thing, right? And so it was one of those real significant moments in time when you have people out there doing amazing work that nobody knows about. So that's what's— that's why it's important to me.

Thank you. And, uh, you know, Darryl's the one that actually printed out this, uh, this 3D-printed— this domino.

That's great.

I love using the analogy, uh, the first domino, because the first domino is a huge thing. You know, André's been a first domino for many people. Chris here today is going to be a first domino for people hearing and being exposed to Chris, or even if you already were You know how it's going to change your trajectory. So what I'd like to do, Darryl, because for people that I'll call out, you know, I'm okay with them plugging their stuff. People that we don't, don't just, you know, I've scolded people in the past for just pitching shit into the chat. But go ahead and put a link for people to get your book. I also— Andre, are you even there? Can you talk? I know you're— I think if you can, Tarna may need to unmute you, but if you want to say anything, Andre, feel free. And we've got some great interviews with, with Andre that we started doing when the pandemic started, because Andre spent 14 years in maximum security prison, 2 years in solitary confinement. And I remember him talking about, you know, I'm in the dark, there's no iPad, there's nothing. I mean, you're literally there by yourself. And so we're, you know, we've done some sessions, even, uh, Stedman Graham, who's Oprah's partner, uh, Andre and him work together a lot. They do a lot of stuff in prisons. And so I have a great interview online which you can watch on YouTube with, uh, Steadman and Andre and our Genius Network members. So that's, that's really great.

I got, I got my shirt on, Joe, just for the record.

Hey there, my man. Big Chris is building.

Shout out to everybody in Genius, and I love marketing, and I appreciate you.

I've been here the whole way.

I'm saying this, got my notepad out. I'm saying I'm gonna make my book make sense, Dean, and I'm never gonna take less than I'm supposed to, Chris. And Joe, we're gonna heal the world.

Absolutely. Yeah, though we are. So, and so you can check out geniusrecovery.org, uh, for people that are struggling with addiction. Uh, we, we just put out free resources. It's an educational platform to help people that struggle with addiction. And so Andre is getting, uh, all kinds of books and resources and things in prisons and schools. And so, yeah, and it's just in the starting phases. I mean, we're, we're doing the best we can with all this. Well, here's another person, a new friend of mine, Amy Chan, who wrote a book called Breakup Boot Camp, and this book literally just came out. Amy, can you— Tarna, unmute Amy. I want to ask her about this, and I want to have a funny question for Chris and Amy as it relates to this. So, for one, I saw my buddy Neil Strauss posted something on Instagram from Amy, and I'm like, well, you know, Neil's an amazing writer. We've had him on Uh, we've had him on I Love Marketing a couple of times. Both Dean and I have known Neil for over a decade, and Neil's like one of the world's greatest writers. And so when he's like plugging somebody's book, I'm like, this is probably— so I, I've only, uh, read like the first chapter. That's as far as I've gotten into it, but it's, it's really great. And I'd asked Chris in a previous interview, you know, when you're negotiating, how do you ask someone out on a date? I'd like to get Chris's take on how do you actually break up with somebody? I'd love to have Amy just give a real quick plug for her book because I actually would like to interview Amy on her book before I go on my sabbatical and we'll put it out there. Amy, you want to speak real quick to your book and I'd love to hear Chris's take on asking someone out and breaking up with somebody. Yeah.

I mean, Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart. We take a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart.. And people think that it's about the breakup. It's never just about the ex. It's recycled pain. And so we deal with a lot of the subconscious beliefs and patterns that is causing the same emotional experience to repeat over and over, just with different partners. So whether you're single, couple, dating, or divorced, this book is helpful because it's not about the other person. It's about your relationship with self and understanding those subconscious patterns. So that you could shift out of them.

And let me speak to this too, because you actually talk about it, the parts that I've read so far, about what it actually does to the grief that one experiences similar to withdrawals from an addiction. And you even quote my dear friend, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who's the narcissist expert who I've interviewed a couple of times. She's amazing. And so the book is incredibly valuable, and I think it's really timely., right now. And I'd love to— I'd love to get your take on when someone has to initiate a breakup, uh, how, you know, people— you hear the word, you know, conscious uncoupling and stuff, but some people can break up with someone and leave a lot of unnecessary devastation in the wake. And I'd like to hear, you know, your take on that, Amy. And I'd also like to hear what Chris would say to that.

Yeah, I mean, I think that when breakups happen, whether you're the one doing it or you're the one receiving it, you're still going to go through through your stages of separation and grief. And of course, this might sound super simple, but getting to a state of compassion before you have that conversation is super important because what I see often is ghosting or a text message breakup after dating someone for years. And really, when you look at why people react like that, it goes down to childhood. Like, how did they react to um, confrontation? How did they react to uncomfortable emotions when they were a kid? Did they withdraw? Did they— were they scolded for having those emotions? So sometimes they bring those patterns in with them and they break up in a way that doesn't have compassion. And so, um, unfortunately, as much as you want to be friends with a person that you're having a breakup with, uh, you need time for those neural pathways to prune away. Because when you're with someone, you have neural pathways that have been wired together. So I say 60 days of no contact. That means no scrolling their Instagram feed, no looking at text messages, no calling them up and getting angry because you're still getting that emotional charge. You're still getting that hit, and that keeps you hooked and attached. And even if you think that you're doing the kind thing by being their friend, it's actually the more selfish thing to do.

Yeah, that's— no, that's very— so, Amy, if you could put a link for people to get your book, I would I imagine just with what's going on in the pandemic that there's a lot of people right now that could probably benefit from her book. And I think it'd be kind of cool to connect you and Chris together. I'd love to hear a whole— I'd love to hear a longer conversation with Chris and Amy just talking about a relationship because this is all negotiation. You know, that's at least the way I look at it. Chris, what would you say to any negotiation methods for getting in and out of relationships?

Well, I really like what she said in so many ways, particularly about the post-event, if you will, behavior and what's best for both you and both of them. And, you know, I've had relationships that didn't work out. You know, I'm a human being. The exits when I was clear and I was nice. You know, I never want— I don't want anybody to be in doubt as to why I'm out, and they're not. And but that doesn't mean you got to be a jerk about it. Yeah, you know, don't, don't try to save— when you say you're trying to save them, you're really trying to save yourself. And, you know, people need— don't let it linger. You know, it's something that has to— you can't cut somebody's head off over 4, 5, 6 interactions. You know, you gotta rip the band-aid off, you gotta chop that, whatever it is for you. But that doesn't mean you got to be cruel about it. And, you know, when I decided that my previous marriage wasn't working. I walked in, I said, you know, I want a divorce. I'd be happy to talk it through with you. I'm not going to say anything to you that you haven't heard already. She wanted to hear it. When I got done, she said, you're right, there's nothing there that you haven't already said. And then that was it. So you know, who you trying to spare a lot of times. And I don't know if Amy said it exactly like this word for word, but I know the thought was there. You know, who you trying to spare? You say you're trying to spare them, but you're probably trying to spare yourself. And point of fact, you got to be direct, but you don't got to be mean about it. And then when it's done, it's done. And what's best for both of you to heal afterwards? I loved what she said. I loved it.

Really good. Thank you. Thank you. So Chris, if someone wanted to, what is the best line or approach for asking someone out for a man or a woman?

Well, all right. So for first conversation, you know, I mean, you know, again, this isn't, we're coming from a place of integrity here. Understand this is about your intentions or integrity. I mean, you know, if you walk up to a girl and, or you have the opportunity to say something and, you know, you're not creepy. First of all, you know, I like Neil's advice a lot. You know, you gotta, you get the instinct to pull the trigger, you need to pull the trigger in the next 30 to 60 seconds. Otherwise, you'll look like a stalker. So, but then, you know, say, have you given up on finding the man of your dreams? And wait and see what she says after that.

Have you given up? I want to know what is this?

I want to know one thing.

Is this a book report or a field report?

It's a field report. I mean, you know, we test drive everything we offer people.

Yeah, let me also say this, Dean. I really want you to get the exact words that Chris wrote down. Have you given up on finding the man of your dreams. Okay, I want you to make sure that you get that one.

I'm watching Amy react here. I think Amy— Amy got a kick out of that one, huh?

Yeah, Amy, you want to say anything else?

I mean, I've had people say lines like that to me. They didn't work out too well in their favor, um, just from my point of view. Here's the thing, I like—

hey man, wait a minute, wait a minute, nobody ever said it to you exactly like that.

You're right.

Totally.

People might not tell you what— where are you going to be tonight? And I'll, I'll approach you. Where are you going to be? You're going to be in Vegas?

I'll meet you in Vegas. Slot machines. The thing is, people aren't cognitively— especially, you know, I would— I don't want to make generalizations, but women might not cognitively process something as romantic chemistry right away. And so sometimes if the opening line is so forward that, hey, this is super— like, this is a romantic intent, she might be like, oh, I don't see you romantically, and it's shut down. But if it comes in where there's like mutual connection, like, oh, this is a fun— yeah, we have something in common, this is fun and interesting, I'm intrigued, then I'd be like, yeah, sure, there's no pressure. So my two cents.

Dealing with people that want to kill somebody— when you, you said it initially, like, you talk about it in the book, and I've watched interviews with you and, uh, seen you speak. I mean, you have a great talk at Google, where a lot of people, I mean, even Gary Halbert would say that the problem with dealing with a terrorist is they've got nothing to lose. But from your standpoint, they always have something. And so you can, is there anyone that you simply cannot negotiate with?

You know, I would say—

Or a situation.

If they're communicating with you, we used to always say you always have leverage. If you're talking to me, I got leverage at all. So we'd have a problem with people that wouldn't talk to us at all. Or we're going to sniff out early on what they're trying to orchestrate. And we would look for indicators. We used to call them high-risk indicators. Like if they're— where this is going, if they're setting us up. And then you just have to recognize that you're being set up. But if you're talking to me, then I have leverage. And even if you're trying to set us up, if I can figure that out before we get to where you're going, I'll try to change the destination. And some of it might be by refusing to talk, or it might be by calling you out. And we did this publicly. We started ISIS executions from the 2012 timeframe. When Jim Foley, Steven Sotloff, some of the others were murdered. That was Al Qaeda 3.0. It's Al Qaeda in Iraq from 2004. They did the same thing. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was an Al Qaeda lieutenant in Iraq in 2004. Zarqawi, I think, was a guy's name in Iraq. They started the same thing. And when we sniffed out that they were orchestrating murders, We basically went public with it. And we changed the narrative from they were terrorists to they were criminals. Because a criminal will travel the world to go be a terrorist. And that's how they were recruiting. But a criminal won't travel the world to go be a criminal.

Mm.

I can be a criminal here. What do I need to go to Iraq for? So we changed the narrative. And what ended up happening in 2004 when we changed the narrative, went from chopping people's heads off in the springtime to in the fall, Zawahiri, the al-Qaeda number 2, actually put out an edict to stop killing people on camera because it was bad for business.

Wow.

Wow.

I would think that most people would agree that when it comes to negotiation, that all of us could have a little bit of improvement. Now, even if you are a seasoned negotiator, there are some times that you believe that you could maybe have said something a little different. So this talk is for you if you want to increase your negotiation skill sets, but also take it to the next level of how do you have deep connection in every one of your conversations. So through this 3-step approach, I'm gonna be teaching you that. So before we get into this, how do we define high-stake environments? Well, it's anything that is a negotiation, a high-stake conversation or presentation, and it's also an area where we have to connect on a deeper level, 'cause we're going through maybe a challenge or a struggle, and it can also affect your time, your money, and even how you perceive your reality, so your, even your values. So even if you aren't in the, the situation where you might be fundraising hundreds of millions of dollars in your life, you are in difficult situations and conversations every single day. How many people in here Our parents. Awesome. So having those deep connection conversations with your loved ones and being able to have that, that effect that you want. What about you, your spouse or intimate relationships? How many people are in those? Right? So it's slowing down, being able to get the most out of those situations so that you can get the results you're looking for. Team members and business partners. All of us, I'm assuming, even if we have those remote, that remote team member, we wanna be able to connect with them, get to the heart of the matter. And then we have clients and customers and patients. How many people are connected to them? Yes. Only 3 or 4? Come on. And then we have also team members and we have investors, board members, and advisors. And so looking at how we navigate those situations. And so you're probably looking at me and saying, how did she get into negotiations and sales? Where did that start?

How did it start?

Well, it started at the kitchen table. My parents were in real estate and real estate sales for over 40 years. So growing up in a very highly entrepreneurial atmosphere, I saw the highs and I saw the lows and everything in between. And so in the early '90s, I was a teenager, and as you know, real estate, we're going through it right now, has some cycles, and we were in a deep recession. And it was a time where I got to wake up to a time in my life where I realized that if I was gonna have something in my life, I had to own my results. I had to take ownership. I had to take responsibility, and I had to make a decision. So you all in your seats right now and at home, you might be in a spot where today is that decision to make, that you wanna take your relationships to the next level so that you can live the life that you want to live. And so that was a very impactful experience that led me to be in sales and to understand it on all different aspects and doing extremely well at a young age, making a lot of money and helping a lot of people and how to take things to the next level.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video, and I wanna let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description, or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can simply simply go to joesfreebook.com and you can get a copy there.

So where we gotta start here is negotiation strategy. And so in negotiation strategy, we have distributive and we have integrative. Distributive is that tug of war that you have, that maybe that one-time negotiation where you don't know if you're gonna see that person again. And so it's a lot of bargaining. It's, it's, you know, cards are close to your chest. And so you're trying to get that result, but you might not see that person again. What I really focus on is integrative, which integrative is looking at long-term relationships that we all benefit, that we all win. But don't worry, Chris Voss, I'm not gonna say win-win, right? So it's looking at how do we get to that deeper connection so this is an ongoing relationship that everyone benefits. So as you know, in negotiation there's a technical side which I could go into, which would be a 2 to 5 day intensive where we could go into things like pre-framing, reframing, framing to agreement frames, anchoring to sales cycles, all these different things. And what I'm gonna do today is really focus on the artistic side because that's something that you have a lot of control over. And it's really looking at how we have this technical and artistic side combined which really makes it so that we are able to be authentic and have your true essence come out. So the first concept that we're gonna go over is to breathe. And I love this group because we have Jason in the back right here who's done such an amazing job. I love being in groups and environments where there's so much pre-framing and people are ready to go with breathing. And what I'm gonna try to do is take that breathing, how do we bring it into our high-stake environments? How do we get that artistic side with our breathing and start connecting those dots into those high-stakes situations? So here's some, just some basic takeaways is you wanna elongate your breath, especially the exhale, because that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is really where we wanna be in our rest and digest. So rest and digest. So we wanna slow down and elongate that breath, especially especially the exhale. Because at the end of the day, our breath is the entry point to increase our life force energy and really have that essence that we're looking for. And as you've heard, I'm sure from Jason too, but a lot of different cultures talk about this in ancient wisdom. We have ki, mana, prana, chi, and so it's understanding that there is this thing called energy and how does that— we have this access point of our our breath and using that and to be able to slow down. And the, the big thing that you're looking for is to have that alignment, embodiment, and congruency. Our breath is connected to so many things. It's connected to how we look at our values, which creates our beliefs and attitudes, which creates our thoughts, emotions, actions, behavior, and our words, and how we have clarity and how we execute. So slowing down and being able to your breath really gives you that range of what we wanna look at. So something to looking at your breath, a part of my, my background experience, you're probably thinking like, okay, she's teaching us negotiation sales. Why is she slowing down and talking about meditation and breathing? And so something that happened to me over 14 years ago, as I was a corporate sales executive, and I was also a competitive triathlete. I was in 2 consecutive accidents where I had to rebuild my whole entire body and relearn how to walk. And it was a crazy time, and literally, I didn't know what to do. It was one of those things, and it's something you could relate to too, when you're in a situation where the difficult things become simple, that you're not, you just don't know how to navigate. You've had these strategies your whole life and you don't know what to do. And so I wanted to give contribute to some teachers that I met along the way that taught me this information. Narazi Magnolia, he was my first teacher coming out of these accidents where I could barely walk. And if it wasn't for this man, I probably wouldn't be here today. And he was a huge believer in tai chi and qigong and yoga. And he even got me to live in an ashram in India where I had a lot of healing and going through my breathwork. I also studied with Harada Roshi for over 10 years doing silent meditation retreats. In Japan and all over, and he taught me just the connection of our breath and how that is connected on all different levels and what we can do with it. And then I also wanted to highlight just one more person was— or two people, Catherine Bitz-Morris and Saul. And I did voice work for 3 years because I had major PTSD after my accidents. And so what I wanted to do is just go over some basic things you wanna do with your breath. So you wanna speak at the top of your inhale. So when you're in high-stake environments, you want to be able to be at the top of your inhale so that you have that range with your exhale and you can be able to do a lot of different things with your voice. So it's something to practice. You want to do also do a 360-degree breath. Most people do a 180-degree breath. And so you want to use your whole entire body. Your lungs are in your back. And so to be able to do that, and you want to do 4 to 7 cycles of, uh, breath cycles a minute. So something to focus on there as well. Most people do 14 to 17 breath cycles per minute. And this is all to increase in being in the present moment. So breathing, the next thing we're gonna go over, the number 2 thing is listening. So remember we have a 3-step approach, so listening, and that is really looking at the levels of listening and breaking that down. And so the levels of listening, the first level is level 0, which is really no listening at all. It's no listening, speaking only. How many people have been in that experience when you're in a conversation, and you're not really even in that conversation. So it's something to slow down and look at what level are you at. Level 1 is looking at subjective listening. This is all about the listener and their agenda. And this is where 80 to 90% of people are. And this is where they're taking their reality through their filter and reacting to it. Level 2 is looking at listening and not being in the present moment. When you start slowing down and looking at the how and coming out of this, to be present. A lot of times we're thinking about the past or thinking about the future or something that is on our mind or what we're gonna say. And so it's being able to slow down 5 minutes a day and just being present with our breath and remember elongating, especially the exhale. Level 3 is objective active listening. So being able to objective active listen is really about problem solving. It's looking at the facts versus the story. How can we get to the solution? What is actually going on here? We can move it forward, which is great in work environments. Level 4 is looking at intuitive listening, and this is where you're taking all 5 of your senses. So that's visual, auditory, kinesthetic, gustatory, and you're able to see what's happening in between the lines. Because most of the time we're in these surface structures and we wanna get to the deeper structures. So you're able to slow down and be able to actually like ask questions and look at how it's all connected. And so within listening we have the levels, and then it's also looking at active listening and looking at things like you, it's It sounds, uh, what I've heard. And, and then asking, is that right? And with that, asking questions. So these are some of my favorite questions, just to go through this quickly in the, to wrap up. Questions you wanna ask when you're in negotiations, cuz it's really about the other person and listening. So what does success look like? What are you looking for specifically? Tell me the next step in the process. Um, tell me how you make decisions. These are all really great, um, questions to ask. So here's a summary of that. Take a picture. And so it's about practicing intuitive listening and elongating your breath in low-stakes situations so you can do it in high-stakes situations. And the last area I wanna talk about is connection, cuz that really, when you're able to breathe, listen, we're all looking to have deep connection. And so deep connection starts with us being able to slow down and connecting to ourselves first. So how do we do that? How do we connect to ourselves first? And how do we look at kindness, empathy, and compassion for ourselves first? And then we're able to do for others. Cuz most of the things that happen, that happen is that when in most cases, anything we do to ourselves, we do to others. So it's being able to slow down and be able to connect with ourselves first. 'Cause at the end of the day, we're meaning-making machines, 'cause we just, that's what we do on unconscious levels. We're making meaning out of our experiences and events. And I'm always curious what other people are meaning and making out of their events. And so understanding meaning is how do we bring the heart and the mind together? And when we're talking to people and connecting with them, that we might be talking about something and agree on something, but it might not, it might mean something different. So how do we slow down and ask, to actually ask, "What do you mean by what you're saying?" Or, "What do you mean by this?" So you can connect on those deeper structures I was talking about, and so you can move the conversation forward and actually get to the heart of the matter of what's most important. And then just really quickly, I think people know about verbal and nonverbal communication 'cause it's such a huge component of connection. But you have physiology, we already talked about breathing and posture, and being able to do conscious gesturing. You have tonality, and what I want you to take away from this is tonality, the most two important things is volume and speed. So having that range, especially when you elongate the breath, you're able to do that. And then you have your words, which is only 7%. Everyone's always surprised by this, and I know some people have seen this before. And so it's looking at predicates, which is your verbs, keywords, common experiences, and content chunks. And so just to look at this all together, which is always interesting to me that 93% of communication's so nonverbal, and to slow down and really connect to all those different aspects of how we're communicating. And to wrap up, it's looking at intonation patterns. So especially when you're in big deals and you're negotiating, or you're in those difficult conversations with your spouse or your loved ones, to when you're getting to certain important parts, especially when you're closing, for instance, you really wanna be aware of your pitch. So where are you? Do you naturally go upward sometimes when it's a little awkward or uncomfortable, or do you go flat or neutral or a command. So for instance, I'm working with a security company right now that is pretty high up. They're doing a lot for Ukraine and they work a lot with the DOD and military. And so one of my CEOs and clients, we have to work on his intonation pattern of doing a command language because military is very command-like language at the end of a sentence. So these are just some things to think about. So what you can do is in your next high stake environment or negotiation or high-stake conversation, you can breathe better, listen better, and connect better. And what I imagine for all of you is to slow down, and in that next conversation or negotiation that maybe the last time it didn't go the best way it did, but for some reason this time, with having that right approach and thinking about these three things, everything comes into place.

Let me talk about two functions. One, how to get someone's attention and hold it. And number two, how to manage yours. Now, getting attention, I summarize with the acronym SEARCH. You can get attention in these, in these six ways. 6 ways. Peter already mentioned the S, scare. This is what the media loves to do. You scare people, you get their attention. You go straight to the primitive brain and, oh boy, we are so wired to feel fear more than any other emotion. E, excite. We do that through sensory stimulation, speed. If you present something fast, it doesn't matter, it can be vapid. You can read the telephone book fast, someone will pay attention.

Brrr!

We pay attention. We love speed. We crave speed. Speed is our drug of choice. So speed, sex—you all know about that, sex sells—and anything that is highly sensorily stimulating excites us, gets your attention. And another E-word: educate. E, educate. If you're interested. So if you're a stockbroker, you want to hear, "How's the market doing?" So if it's information you care about, you will pay attention. So E is for excite or educate. A, got 4 A's. Attack. If you attack someone, they'll pay attention. Annoy. Remember the Anacin commercial? You're too young for that maybe, but years ago, this guy got rich in advertising because he really annoyed people. Showing what it was like to have a headache. So attack, annoy, it will gain your attention, but also amaze. Amaze. And think of how Peter amazed you in his presentation.

That's riveting.

And that's what a lot of the great books these days from Malcolm Gladwell, from Peter, from many of the folks who are bringing us insights from the brain sciences are amazing, and that is riveting. So, good news, "amaze" also works. The third one— the fourth one, "R": reassure. And we're actually at a place now, I think, we're so saturated with bad news that actually reassurance is focusing. I love the company Life is Good, you know. We are so starved for good news that when you hear reassurance, like Peter gave, like others are giving, it's really wonderful because it's startling, it's amazing, and it's reassuring. So as you reassure, you can also grab someone's attention. And the other R is reward. Offer someone $1,000, they'll pay attention. Offer them an X Prize, they'll pay attention. But as Peter said, it's really not about the money, it's about the reward, it's about the goal. When you have a goal, you tend to respond to it if it's something you think is worthwhile. C, charm. Charm. Charm someone. Joe Polish is a master of charm. Don Rickles, insulting, is charming. You know, I mean, you can be charming without being cute and coquettish. Well, you can be cute and coquettish, but charming is also a wonderful way. And then H, help. When you offer someone help that they need, they'll pay attention. You may have to frame it in such a way that you grab their attention, But we all need help. And if it's packaged in such a way— OK. So that's how you grab the attention. Now, how do you hold their attention? Well, you have to SIN. You have to SIN. Structure, interaction, novelty. This is critical. You need the structure and you need the novelty. Too much structure, the presentation is boring. Too much novelty, the presentation is confusing. And if there's no interaction, people will tune out. That's why I'm not going to talk very long, because we're not interacting enough. If I were doing this for a long time, I'd be asking you questions, I'd be polling the audience, I'd be doing stuff to make us interact. You know, you go to Dan's workshops, it's all interaction. You've got— best example of— you don't have to be with other interacting with other people. A crossword puzzle is interactive. That's why it holds your attention. You're interacting with the puzzle. The new clue, a new— and it's very structured and it's full of novelty. Video games also. A lot of structure, a lot of novelty. It's interactive. The interactive screen is unbelievably focusing. And that's its both great power and its great danger. That's why people become addicted to it. The dopamine circuitry gets involved. I call it screen screen sucking, when you can't log off. You go on and you just say, "I'm just going to check my email," and an hour later you're still there sucking on this screen. It's a big time waste. Beware of screen sucking. But at the same time, it can be a tremendous advantage, because it's a way of really engaging the future of education. I want to submit for this X Prize, because the future of education depends upon using interaction. Depends upon the force of discovery, depends upon getting kids from the stupid memorize-and-forget curriculum into the discover-and-produce curriculum, and all project-based.

And this is how to do it: structure, novelty, interaction.

You sustain attention until you need to take what my friend John Ratey calls a brain break. You can't do it indefinitely, so every hour or so you need to stand up and move around. Then you can go back and begin sinning again. Okay, now how do you manage your own, uh, three variables: emotion, energy, and structure. Okay, this is how you manage your own attention. Ready, aim, fire. Ready, aim, fire. Ready E is energy, A is emotion, F is structure.

Energy.

You see, a lot of managing your own attention has to do with prep work. It's not field work, it's not managing crises when you're spazzing out, it's getting ready for the project. So what goes into preparing your energy so you'll be maximally focused, what I call the Sensational Six. And these really work. It's just that most people don't pay attention to them. Number 1, sleep. Your brain needs to sleep. We don't know why, but we know it needs to. We don't know really what sleep does, but we know if you don't get enough sleep, you're irritable, you're distracted, and if you do it for a long time, you're— it increases risk of obesity, depresses immune function, increases risk of cancer, high blood pressure, all bad stuff, just due to lack of sleep. So you want to get enough sleep. How much sleep do you need? That varies. A good way to tell is you need as much sleep as it takes for you to wake up without an alarm clock. And that varies from person to person. Sleep. Exercise. Exercise is huge. My friend John Ratey's book, "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of of exercise in the brain. Exercise is the greatest tonic in the world for cognitive function. It's not only an antidepressant, an anti-anxiety agent, a focuser, but it generates all kind of chemicals and peptides and hormones and oxygen that just make your brain blossom. It grows new nerve cells. John calls it Miracle-Gro for the brain. So work out as much as you possibly can. And how do you do that? How do you make it happen? How do you do it? Make it fun. Make it fun. I have a squash game that I've been playing with the same men for 30 years. Make it fun so you don't dread it. If you dread it, it's only a matter of time before you'll give it up. But make it fun, incorporate it into your life, and just think, this is so good for my brain. Sleep, exercise, nutrition. Nutrition is the whole new world. I mean, talk about— Google nutrition and you'll get more recipes than you know what to do with. I keep trying all of them on me, and at one point I said, "If nothing else, I have the most expensive urine in Boston." You know, but there's a lot to it, and I'm sure when Ray Kurzweil gets here, he'll tell you about his supplements. There's a lot to it. There's real science behind it. It's just we don't quite know yet what the perfect recipe is, but take nutrition seriously, and certainly try to eat a whole Whole Foods diet, and then there is a role for medication. If you happen to have attention deficit trait, as I like to think of it, medication can be a godsend. These other things often make medication unnecessary, but don't be afraid of stimulant medication. Used properly, it's way safer than aspirin. So nutrition, then meditation. Meditation and/or prayer. So much evidence now that meditation is just It's a brain freshener, a brain enhancer, a brain booster. If you do the meditation every day, you will definitely increase your powers of concentration and focus. The fifth one is cognitive stimulation. Stretch your brain. Talk to people who know more than you do. Talk to people who disagree with you. Teach someone something that you find interesting. I'll never forget, I was at a party once in New York, one of these fancy parties, and sitting next to someone, he said he'd just written a book about de Kooning. And I said, "Who's de Kooning?" Well, he looked at me like I was a poop on the floor. You know, he said, "What? You don't know who de Kooning is? You call yourself an educated man?" And I'd had enough wine where I said, "You know, you're the kind of guy who gives intellectuals a bad name." I said, "If you think de Kooning is so cool, you should be thrilled I don't know who he is, so you can share with me your great knowledge. Instead, you try to humiliate me and make me feel small." And he apologized. It was a great moment of victory. And by the way, de Kooning was an artist, you know, contemporary of Jackson Pollock. But anyway, teach other people what you know. That's also stimulating. In medical school, the rule was, See one, do one, teach one. And when you're able to teach something, it's really, it's an act of mastering it yourself. So cognitive stimulation is really good for your brain. Staves off Alzheimer's, keeps you young, keeps you excited, keeps you alive. And then finally, the 6th one is the one that I push that nobody else talks about: positive human contact. Connection. Friends are really good for you. People, particularly men, fear it. It's the greatest drug in the world. It's free. It's infinite in supply. And psychiatrists are writing millions of prescriptions for Prozac and not prescribing connection. Lead a connected life. Have friends. Spend time with people you love. Spend time with people, groups you care about. Get involved in causes you care about. That gives you the daily dose of what I call the other vitamin C, vitamin connect. It is hugely important for your mental health and your physical health. Do you know that social isolation is as dangerous a risk factor for early death as cigarette smoking? Most people don't know that. For some reason, we don't advertise it. For some reason, connection makes people nervous. Well, get over it! You know? Reach out. Let yourself be a little vulnerable, you know? It's really good for you. It's not good for you to walk around through life being appropriate, one of my most unfavorite words. Be inappropriate. You know, let loose, you know? What's you gonna lose, you know? You're just gonna have some fun and give permission to other people to have some fun. And you will connect and you will remember the moment. Don't go through life being appropriate. On your deathbed, you'll say, "Why didn't I miss the chance to live?" It's the most powerful drug we've got. It's free and it's infinite in supply. Use it. So those 6 for energy. Then emotion. You wanna work in what I call your sweet spot. Your sweet spot— I'll just give me 2 minutes and I'll finish up. Your sweet spot is where where 3 circles overlap: what you love to do, what you're really good at, what Dan calls your unique ability, and what advances your mission or someone will pay you to do. Where those 3 overlap, you should work there, 'cause that's where your emotion will be highest, and that's where that'll drive you to success. And then finally, FIRE is structure. Create boundaries. Create boundaries. Have a target. Don't do the stuff that brings you down. Don't be with the people who bring you down. Don't be with the naysayers and the skeptics and all that. Be with people who are rooting for you and you rooting for them. Have structure. And then microstructure, have a timetable, have a break time, have the kind of structures that maybe aren't easy for you to set up, so get a coach to set them up for you, an assistant to set them up for you. Ready, aim, fire. Fire. You can manage your attention. You can manage your focus if you use these basic principles. Beware of getting carried away by the seductions, the interruptions, the heady feeling of being very busy. It's not good for you. You want to do what matters most to you every day. And in order to do that, you need to have a plan. That allows for both focus and hocus. Hocus is my word for the state of mind when new ideas come swimming in, when you get surprised by new ideas. You're all good at that. So you don't wanna be so rigid in your focus that you exclude those. But you don't wanna be so loose that you don't have the structure. And you combine the two, hocus and focus, and in a rhythm through your day, allowing for downtime, Downtime, brain breaks, and rest time. You can positively be far more productive with the brain power you've got than if you let it diffuse as, as too many people do these days. The message is extremely positive. The message is take back control of your mind, your brain power, so that you can use it to best advantage. The principles I've given you this morning truly work and allow you to be bold, as Peter was saying, in achieving your biggest dreams and even beyond. Thank you.

I'm gonna start with just showing you two quick pictures. So I'm gonna flash a lot of things at you, you're not gonna actually be able to see a lot, but the main things I actually want you to see are actually the things in red. So 7% and 15%. So I'm going to explain those pictures in a minute. The question is how. So what I'm going to cover in this talk is how to create a frame, how to actually have the people who are watching your messages or experiencing your material, being in an environment like this, how to put the correct lenses on them. That's actually what Robert Cialdini's work is all about. And then ultimately, how to get people —to make big decisions, how to make people or get people to take action. That's basically what this is all about. And I actually— Gina, I'm pretty sure that this is the wrong set of slides. I'm pretty confident this is the wrong set of slides. Anyways, that's me and Joel practicing this. I gave this talk at 100K about a month ago, and so I decided to reshare it. Anyways, we'll start with Robert Cialdini. So here are some of the quotes. He said— there's a critical insight for those who want to learn to be more influential. The best persuaders become so through pre-suasion, the process of arranging for recipients to be receptive to a message before they encounter it. To persuade optimally, then, it is necessary to pre-suede optimally. But how? In part, the answer involves an essential but poorly appreciated tenet of all communication. So this is the key. What we present first changes what people experience. So what we present first changes the way people experience what we present to them next. That's the key. It's all about creating the context, and then when you create the context, you shape everything. So I'm gonna just share with you one of my favorite psychological studies. This is a really funny study. You can look it up if you want. It's called Mind Over Milkshake. And so, as you can see in the picture, basically there was two groups. One group was given a milkshake that they were said was very healthy, low fat, gluten-free, all those things, 104 calories. The other group was told that the milkshake that they were drinking was indulgent, totally filled with brownies, all sorts of stuff, 600 calories. The truth is that both of them were the exact same milkshake. This is all about framing. What the psychologist did is they ended up testing the people's blood and kind of the biological response of what happened after people took these milkshakes. And basically what it showed is that people had different physiological responses based on the framing of what they thought. There's a lot of interesting kind of like the more stuff that Jamie Hope would understand kind of component of all that stuff. But basically the idea is that your framing not only influences your insights and your mindset, it literally influences influences your biology. So now I'm going to talk about how I've applied that principle to webinars recently.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video, and I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description, or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can simply go to joesfreebook.com and you can get a copy there.

So this is a video that people land on when they come to my webinars, and basically what I say I say when people come to this video is I actually tell them that I don't want them to watch my webinar. I tell them that it would be a waste of time for them to watch my 60-minute training if they don't have the right perspective. I would rather them not consume more information. They already consume so much information online. It's gonna be a wasted 60 minutes, both my wasted 60 minutes and their wasted 60 minutes, if they do not have the right perspective. And so when they click that registration button, I say, If you really want to watch this webinar, I want you to watch it from the right perspective. And so I've put together a 7-minute video that's going to help you get into the right perspective. It's one of the things that Joe says, it's one of the things that Robert Cialdini says. You have to have the right mindset and the right setting— set and setting— in order to have a transformational experience. That's actually true of therapy as well. Joe Polish said it. He said people go to therapy not for information, they go for an experience. And so if you want people to have the right experience, they have to have the right perspective because you've got to write create the right context. And so basically what then happens is when people click the registration button, they go through this pre-webinar training. It's 7 minutes long. They watch it, and I just teach them a bunch of stuff that I'm gonna already teach them in the webinar. But one of the things I do at the very end is— and I don't see a clock either on a 10-minute thing, so hopefully I'm not going too far overboard. But Anyways, at the end of the training, I tell— I make an offer, essentially a tripwire offer. I offer them a $7 journaling course. And one of the things I say is, if you buy this course— you don't have to buy this course in order to watch the webinar, you've actually already registered for the webinar— but if you buy this course, two things are gonna happen. You're gonna be able to go through a few exercises that are gonna help you have a much more powerful experience with the webinar, but also by spending $7 on this thing. We good? Good? By spending $7 on this journaling course, you're also going to be invested. So this is one of the things that Joe says.

Let's see here.

Joe Polish, PhD. He says, "If they don't pay, they don't pay attention." So one of the things I actually say at the end of that 7-minute thing is I say, look, you don't have to buy this. But if you do buy it, you're gonna have a completely different mindset for the webinar. It's only $7 to buy this journaling course, but it's essentially like buying a ticket. And if you're more invested, you're gonna have far more commitment, and you're gonna have a different lens. And that $7 lens could be worth a lot of money to you. It's just like why we pay $25,000 to be in this room. The information we get in this room is valuable in a lot of ways because we're so invested financially. It puts on a different set of lenses and commitments. And so I just— I literally expect explain all this to them. And one of the things as part of the pre-suasion principles is that you're striving to align their identity with what they're trying to accomplish. And obviously you're striving to have part of that be that they're making a decision that you're trying to help them make. You're trying— and so that's actually one of the things that Dan Sullivan says. That's what marketing is and selling is, that you're helping people get intellectually interested or stimulated and emotionally committed to making a decision. And so this is just all part of training their identity. And really what the context is that you're creating is their future self. You're creating a context that they already want. It's their future self, and so they're coming at it from that perspective. And so these are all just things that I say, you know, in a lot kind of quicker stream in that 7-minute video. And so over a 6— this was without it. Over a 6-month period of time, and it's a very similar funnel. I made that much money on a funnel selling a particular online course by just adding— and these are two separate webinars— but by adding the $7 offer. So you can see the $7 offer and then the thing down below it. I've actually sold probably 4,000 or 5,000 of the journaling course, which is $7. But what happened is that the conversion rate of the actual thing I'm selling which is an online course between $500 and $1,000, that conversion rate almost doubled on the sales page. Because you can test the sales page. You can see how much people, when they land on a sales page— so before, the sales page conversion rate was 7%. That was the first picture I showed you. The conversion rate on the same sales page, essentially a little tweaks but not really, is now 12%— actually, no, it's 15%. So the conversion rate on the sales page doubled by adding in this persuasion component. And it happened for a few reasons. One is, is because far more of the people who are at the webinar now actually paid to be at the webinar. Thousands of people have now paid $7 to watch the webinar that used to be free. Those people are far more likely to buy the program. But also, for me, who's someone who wanted to give material that was useful, I want them to have the right perspective. I want them to have the right perspective, the right lenses. So that when they watch the webinar, it was a transformational experience, not just them consuming more information. This is the sales page. Pretty much the same thing as it was before. Another kind of very important principle that I've learned about persuasion, that this is something that has fundamentally improved the program. So I've had thousands of people go through this online program that I sell. It's a year-long experience. And one of the things that I've learned after having thousands of people go through it is that, you know, a lot of people— I actually have far lower, like, refund rates than typical. But when people join a program like mine, and even if they join Genius Network, there's a lot of new information that they have to gather in order to be successful in that new environment. So when I give them this new online course, they— a lot of the feedback we got was that people felt overwhelmed. People were like, there's so much information, I don't know if I can apply it all. And so what we then did is we built an onboarding program. So my program is called AMP, and so what we did is we designed an AMP warm-up program. There's about 300 people in it right now, and actually a lot of the former people who have been in AMP for like 6 months who are floundering, we put them back in this program. And essentially what this onboarding prep program is, is there's a video at the beginning and I say— this is after they've bought my program— I say, you actually can't have access to my program until or not my program, but you can't have access to AMP, what you purchased, until after you go through this prep program. This is a buffer. And essentially I explain to them the core mindsets, the core things that they need to understand in order to be successful with the thing that they just bought. And they actually have to accomplish a few requirements in order to actually get access to what they bought. And by doing this, by creating this AMP warm-up program, and it's essentially like a buffer, it has— I mean, our refunds are so low.. But people are so happy because when they walk in, they're no longer overwhelmed. Like, they can take this program at whatever pace they want. And that's one thing I tell them about. You take this at whatever pace you want. The fastest you can do it is in 2 weeks if you're like really a rock star. And then once people actually get into the program that they bought, they have such better results, not only because they worked for it, but because now they're ready for it. They've got the right mindset for it. They've actually got— they actually know how to do it rather than just jumping onto like a rocket ship. So this is the thing that me and Joe actually have been working on. Joe filmed an onboarding process. He spent 3 hours filming some of the most amazing stuff, helping people to, when they join Genius Network, prep their mindset so that once they come to these meetings, they know exactly how to execute at the highest level. So I'm now gonna finish, but these are the two pictures, 7% versus 15%. The difference was persuasion.

I want to talk about one thing. So my, my latest book, What's in It for Them, uh, I write about Harvey McKay. I write about the McKay 66. I'd love to have you speak to what that is because today's way of utilizing it— and you, you've always been known as a relationship guy and you have so many connections and you have done and taught people, do your freaking research on people, know who it is you're talking about, get to know the person. So you're not only valuable to them, but you don't look like an idiot, you know. And so many people are just pitching people, they do no research, they have no background, and they're not thinking about the other person, they're thinking about themselves. So you've always focused on what's in it for them, and you've been teaching this process to people for many years. So what is the McKay 66?

Two words, first of all, you are spot on. That's right. People buy from other people because of likability, because of chemistry, because of people's skills. And this book, there's a reason, of course, why every book usually has one or two great concepts. There's a reason why this book is 35 years old, still selling, you know, extraordinarily fast. And it's called, as you've just referred to, the McKay 66. When I was 21 years old, I had 300 customers selling envelopes. Yeah, you, you, uh, you might laugh at envelopes, but you know, we use an envelope once and then you have to come back and order more. And my company happens to sell 25 million every day, every single day we sell around the world. So that's a few envelopes. But the McKay 66, you have to humanize your selling strategy. I want to repeat that. Humanize your selling strategy. So if I'm trying to sell Joe Polish Polish, I can't talk about business every minute. I can't go and have a 20-minute conversation, talk about envelopes. So I want to read the desk, I want to read the walls, I want to talk to receptionist and find out how many children, if he's married, I want to find out his lifestyle. I came up with 66 questions that all of our sales force— and we have about 15 of them now— still have my business, okay, McKay Mitchell Envelope Company. And we'll find out 66 things about them. And those are the questions, you know, right? Where'd they go to school? You know, what turns them on, which is a key question. Where do they take their vacations? What's their political aspiration? Whatever it is. Right? And once you get those 66 answers— and 30 or better than 20, 50 or better than 20. Yes. Once you get those answers, that's when you can find out. And of course this book that you're talking about, I like to call it— and you call it the same thing in different words. You know, if I say hey, hi Joe Polish Polish Polish just met you right now, write to my brain bank. What can I do for Joe Polish? How can I help him? How can I add value? And if you just do that for about 90 days, and here is the real cachet, expect nothing in return. Right. You got too many people out there doing that, but they expect something in return. Expect nothing in return. You have a very, very happy life. So with all our sales force, we have 3,000 accounts, 3,000 K-66s, now McKay Mitchell 66s. And if someone loses, let's say, General Mills account, right? Well, I'll call them in and I still have my company going back to Minneapolis. We're in Phoenix here in 48 hours. But if they lose General Mills, I'll call them in and I'll say, Why'd you lose it? And then I'll ask, what was the real reason? The given reason, almost always in life, is never the real reason. And so therefore they'll tell me. Then I'll say, go get your 66 and bring it in. Boy, whoo, you catch some big fish at your own company. Yeah, exactly. They bring in the 66, they've been calling on the account for 5 years. There's 2 new buyers over there. They don't know anything, and the account is taken away in less than 60 seconds. Wow. That's all. And they know, they know, because, because agreements prevent disagreements. If you have an agreement with your salesperson and all the people and the people who report to you, you'll never have a disagreement. They know the account will be taken away unless they work that 66. And if you don't love people, if you don't like doing this, wow. And do you ever get surprised? I'll never forget at a YPO— that's from President's Organization Party— uh, I walked up to a woman, she was 6'2", uh, didn't know how to say hello. If you said hello to her, she couldn't handle it and all that. But I insisted I said, well, I'm still going to find out about her. She's a professional basketball player from Iowa. Wow. But a real good one. Yeah. And whether it's your seatmate on an airplane, doesn't matter where you are, it's not an elevator and you're going to be there for 20, 30 seconds. Just that extra 4, 5, 6 nanoseconds, whatever. Hello. Right. Smile. Right. Ask a question. I mean, I mean, enthusiastic. I have a real good friend, the YPR, sat on the last row of 747 and there was a woman sitting next to her and he wound up marrying her. I mean, it just happens. And so, so if you were to ask me what's the most important thing in selling and in getting results, and they don't pay off on effort, they pay off on results. But if you absolutely know what the word and how to do it and believe in it, relationships. If you don't, as I say, if you don't like people, there's no sense being a salesperson, right? And if you don't get excited doing something for somebody else, there's no sense either. Exactly. So once you get those, I like to say, if you think education is expensive, try ignorance. And there's just too many people that don't do this. These are your mentors. Mentors. Ask 1,000 businessmen and women, how did you make it? Mentors. And there's more mentors out there that will help than will not. Okay, as long as you want to ask. And then that gets into never say no for the other person. Right? People say I can't sell him or her— yeah his brother-in-law's getting into business that! That's great advice too don't say no for the other person there are myriad reasons why let them say "no" that's all so if you get it if you find a mentor these are all mentors forget me forget Joe Polish polish teacher you got the whole world out there pick your subjects pick your experts those become mentors even though you don't know them.

Yeah, no, and, and the thing, the thing with, uh, I look at this as mining. So for instance, the gold is maybe there, or let's say it is there when it comes to people and relationships, but if you don't go and put forth the, the effort in— when you say the thing about results, yeah, you, you, you don't build a great reputation By talking about what you're going to do, you build a great reputation by actually doing it. And when you learn about someone, when you research them, when you find out what they're all about, and that has to come from a place of truly, like you're saying, caring about people, being conscientious. You can sort of learn the techniques, but if you don't integrate the techniques, it doesn't become real. Flattery, I would be foolish to say flattery doesn't work. But it's not the depth. Okay, you can, you can develop relationships on a shallow level, but the deeper you go, the more you get to understand. So, it's like what you're talking about, you lose an account, you go back to your, your mind, that Rolodex that you have, and you understand, let's go and talk to the human again, and let's reconnect that bond that we have. Because the number one thing to do, I think, with customers and clients in business, and I would say, you know, humans in general, is to bond with them. And if you can deepen that bond, and that's what Harvey teaches people how to do, he's been doing it for years, how to actually connect with people. And part of it is make sure that your give is equal to or greater than your want, because everybody wants something. We all want something, but you have to show up with a give that's, that's equal to or greater than your want, because people that don't, then those people you perceive them as takers and they're annoying. And so the key is to be valuable and useful and grateful and put that into play every day. Boy, why wasn't I taking notes?

Good thing you've written books. Can't say it any better. And to just piggyback on that a little tiny bit, uh, my favorite— I have maybe, I don't know, thousands of slogans because I happen to write a business column too, as you know. Yeah, you have 100 newspapers, 10 million newspapers, 100 cities. Yeah, that's what I meant, 35 years. So you have to have a lot of one-liners. But my favorite— and my father taught me that, he was a national syndicated columnist also, but still currently once a week writing those 100 newspapers— biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. And when you believe that, again, Then you can go forward and move to the next level. You don't go to school once for a lifetime. We know that. You're in school all of your life. And then one thing lastly, it doesn't have to be lastly, but paramount importance, a salient point. Again, I live on aphorisms because I always end the chapter with an aphorism. Aphorism in my newspaper columns, but practice makes perfect, not true. You have to have one word, perfect practice makes perfect. Practice something time and time again, if you don't know what you're doing, what are you doing? Yeah. You put a ceiling on how good you can become. You know, we're talking right now, I know our audiences, doesn't matter, high percentage of people out there have played golf. You can play golf 8 days a week. You can practice golf 8 days a week. And if you got a loop in your swing and you're playing every day, what are you doing? You're perfecting an error. You put a ceiling on how good you can become. So if you practice the right concepts over a long period of time, you can't miss. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, cannot miss.

Let's talk about the marketing, the subscription model. I imagine you were one of the biggest creators of everything going to a subscription. Not everything, but a lot. So scary.

Yeah, I mean, it was scary.

I mean, the, the studios were like, hey Netflix, good luck with making your own content, we're Disney. Yeah, I mean We think we know what we're doing. And oh, by the way, how are you going to get Kevin Spacey to work with you? This is before Kevin Spacey was bad news. And we did— and we used the model that we used for employees, which was a few good things done really well with a lot of talent and pay well. So we just change the model. I mean, that's what— that's the whole strike right now, you know, we're talking about earlier. It's like we just changed the model completely. And then, you know, like Blockbuster, it took the studios like a couple of years to realize, oh shit, we— you know, the other thing I think that's really important for all of you, a good lesson from what we did, was we were customer obsessed. Obsessed. I mean, like, if you had an idea and you could— so this is part of the culture, right?

Yeah, I mean, even back in the DVD days, just constantly.

We rejected anybody who wanted to build a really great team. You're the size of your org chart, you know. It just— you could not put forth an idea that wasn't on behalf of the customer. Period, end of story. Wow, I like that. So that obsession made leadership a really different thing, right? Because I'd be like, I don't hear your idea having any effect on our consumer. Want to help me understand why you need 22 more engineers? Yeah. Because what are they going to work on that's going to make the service better, right? And the beautiful thing about that particular product— because I've worked on a lot of other ones— is we're all customers. I did a bunch of work with Warby Parker back when they were— and so my Warby Parker story is I go to visit them. They're the glasses company. They're in this shitty building in New York. And I say to the guy in the bottom, I'm like, do you know where Warby Parker— I don't know.

I'm on 6th or 7th. I don't know.

And I walk in, and it's just this dusty, dirty New York warehouse, and in the corner is their store, and it's made of pallets, right? And the glasses are all hanging on the pallets, and it's packed. It's completely word of mouth. Completely word of mouth. And so when I was coaching, consulting with them, they're like, hey, we think it'd be a really cool idea to open stores. I'm like, stores? Brick and mortar stores? That's insane. And it was really interesting to watch how that business turned an online phenom into a brick-and-mortar experience. Yeah. Right? And should they— that was a great— here's a great example. Like, should they— when they decide to open stores, I go and I interview with all their executives. And when they tell me this is the strategy, and they tell me this is the guy that's going to do the store stuff for us, and I I look at everybody's CVs and I'm like, I mean, this guy doesn't have any experience. So I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to be honest at the end of the day when I tell you this guy's not going to be able to do it. So at the end of the day, I come back and I'm like, well, if you hire somebody from the Gap, they're going to have a lot of experience in cookie cuttering, cookie cutting Gap stores. And it'll be efficient, it'll be effective, the customer will understand it. You know, they'll know what they're expecting. It'll be, you know, but I'm like, this guy, he breathes the company. He knows the customer. Right? He knows who wants the hipster frames versus who wants the, you know, stunner shades. I mean, and so if you look at Warby Parker stores, there's a lot of similarities in all of them, but they're very, very very particular to every city they're in. The Warby Parker store in Nashville is covered with guitars. The Warby Parker store in, uh, Noe Valley in San Francisco has like a lot of dog dishes and they— you can take a picture with your dog with glasses. It was just really fun to see other businesses. Peloton. I worked with Peloton at the beginning. Who else? I did a couple of years of just consulting with Eventbrite. And by the way, we'll take questions too.

So if some of you have some questions, then let's get ready for that. What are some companies that you absolutely admire their culture and how they do things right now?

You know, it's hard because people want— it's kind of like the question is who's doing best practices.

Well, yeah, I guess I guess, yeah, you're probably right.

Let me take you to the— let's go to the pandemic, right? So when I did my keynoting right after I wrote my book, after every talk, people would come up to me in the back and go, oh God, what you're talking about is so logical and it's so reasonable and it's so obvious, but we can't because we're regulated. We can't because we're in Europe. We can't We can't, our CEO won't let us, we can't, our CFO won't let us, we couldn't possibly work from home. That would be so radical. We can't give them freedom and responsibility. We can't take away the policies. We can't do this, we can't. And then the pandemic happened, 48 hours later everybody's working from home. And so now when I talk to those folks, I'm like, you had that muscle all the time. You could have done it years before. And guess what? Now you can go— and guess what everybody did when you told them to go home and work? They went home and worked! Because people want to work. That whole Chief Happiness Officer perk shit made me crazy. And I remember interviewing this person in the city. I'm like, "Oh, and you're the Chief Happiness Officer." I'm like, "Mm." "What is it that you do?" "Well, as you notice, there's a lot of products in the ladies' room." I'm like, "I totally redo my hair. It looks great." "And I do t-shirts." Because if we don't, one of our employees is going to walk out the door, turn right, go 2 blocks down, and join a I'm like, don't let the door hit him on the head.

Somebody's going to leave you for better beer?

Why? And then find out when their happy hour is and go to their place because they have better beer, right? So I said to them, I'm like, OK, here's your assignment. And this is at— I think this was at Stripe. I said, I want each of you to I want you to find 3 people in the company that have a reputation for being really amazing. That everybody, you know, it doesn't matter really title, but people who are like, oh yeah, he's great. I mean, I love working with that person, or I love working with her, she's amazing. And I said, ask them to tell you a story of something they did that they felt made a difference for the company and the customer. And every single story will be about something hard. Something what? Hard. Hard. Oh, that day we went home and the macadamia nuts in the cookies were so fresh.

I wanted to see— let's see.

The beer was amazing.

We knew we were doing good at Netflix because I used to go across the street with my shopping cart. If we had like achieved a milestone and I would get beer. And we knew like if I get imported beer, like, oh man, not Coors Light again. I'm like, you know, ROI, people.

Let me read this part. This is, so I think, all right, so great teams relish a challenge. So this is a quote, great teams Great teams are made when things are hard. Great teams are made when you have to dig deep. When I'm hiring, I look for someone who gets really excited about the problems we have to solve. You want them to wake up in the morning, God, this is hard, I want to do this. And then you want people who absolutely love problem solving. So how do you identify that early on before you hire them?

Oh, it's pretty easy. So one thing you need to do is you need to get really, really good at that most people don't put a lot of energy into is interviewing. So I interviewed Astro Teller, who's the head of Google X. Before he was there? No, when he was there. And he came running up to the interview, we were sitting here like this on his rollerblades. And he's like, "What's your favorite interview question?" I'm like, "That's not how I interview, Astro." He's like, "Sell me this microphone!" I'm like, "You're selling selling microphones here? Why would you ask me that?' It's like my favorite question because I want to find out if they're creative— it's just the dumbest question! Like this doesn't have anything to do with what you're doing.' So I hate trick questions; the way I interview is I take something on somebody's resume and pull the thread right away 'Oh wow that's amazing Joe Polish polish launching that product I use all of the time terrific so um... You weren't manager or director' Oh, you're an individual contributor. That's great. And you're singularly responsible for bringing it over the edge. How many people are on this? 400. Did you do it on time? Well, no, but we weren't that late. I mean, what would you have done to get it on time? What went wrong? Well, my boss was this, my nanananananananana.

You're not a problem solver. What highly successful people do when bad things happen. Woody Allen said, "Sex without love is a shallow experience, but as shallow experiences go, it's one of the best." Being an entrepreneur without a plan for what you're actually going to do when bad things happen is not only shallow, it's a recipe, really, for a life-threatening experience. It was— well, let me just say something. Thanks to Joel Weldon for this. I was telling him as I was working with him about this talk, I said, you know, nobody gets in the room, in a Joe Polish room like this, without being a tip-of-the-arrow person. Every one of you have taken a lot of risks. You've made decisions, you've put yourself in situations, you've tried some things on, some things worked, some things didn't. You've had some highs, you've had some lows. And whether or not you know it, you have a method you use that you apply when bad things happen. What highly successful people do, I want to suggest to you, whether you're aware of it or not, are 3 simple steps that are deceptively simple. It is what it is. Harvest the good. Leave the rest. It is what it is. It was 1971. I was in a lecture I didn't want to be in, listening to a man I didn't want to hear, but I went because I wanted to please the person I was sitting next to. And the lecturer said, "Nothing is bad unless you think it's bad." I was 22 years old. I remember crossing my arms and thinking, "Well, that's just not true. There's bad stuff in this world. Car wrecks are bad." Murder's bad. War is bad. I mean, there's bad stuff in this world. And then he said, "I know what you might be thinking. You might be thinking, 'Hey, there's really a lot of bad stuff in this world,' and at the level of fact, you would be right. But I want to suggest to you at the level of truth that there's not one thing that can happen that you can't find some good in if you're willing. So the next time something bad happens, instead of immediately reacting," Stop reacting. Hit your internal pause button. And then wait 3 days. And during that 3 days, don't just wait, but you're going to wait 3 days before you react. During that 3 days, turn the volume up on your curiosity and really consider and write down every possible good you might derive, pull from, or create out of this situation. 2 days later, my children's father came home, and he had been part of a mass There was a massive layoff at work, 100 people were laid off, and he was part of that. And immediately I was like, "Oh my gosh, this is really bad," and I started to react to it. And then I said, "Oh my gosh, I heard that guy speak, and he said nothing is bad unless we think it's bad. This just seems so bad." Now, I don't know how you would feel or what you would think if you were in a situation— I was getting my undergraduate degree, we had 2 sons, and if something happened in your life in your life where it literally to you looked like the source of your supply, your children's meals, the place you lived, were threatened, you might have some emotion. What that lecturer had given me was a methodology for approaching something that I thought was so bad, that I could have the situation without the situation having me. I just didn't know it yet. I said, "Oh my gosh, that guy said, 3 days, it's Tuesday, this will be Friday. It's 5 o'clock, Friday at 5 o'clock. Let's do what he said, like think about what may be possible good. I don't know what good is going to be in this, but what possible good could happen. And then if we can't find any good on it, Friday at 3 o'clock, then we'll panic. And it sounds funny, but it was the first time in my life that I ever touched the part of myself that could literally schedule my own panic. You don't be a really successful entrepreneur without not only touching that place but learning to live from that place. Whenever a situation happens, it just is what it is. We tend to put an emotional charge on it. This is good, this is not good. And the emotional charge itself dictates the opportunity. The emotional charge itself dictates the opportunity. We can't even begin to see some possible good because we lose our creativity. We heard Peter Diamandis this morning, and all day long we've been hearing amazing speakers who have not only shown us a level of success but framework in which they have developed that success. He said that our mindset is our most important asset. And I would say especially when we know how to create a really healthy mindset, that when we can set our mind on success even in the presence of what looks like a big problem. When a situation happens, it just is what it is. We began to write 4 or 5 things that we could possibly, maybe, there's some good, it could have shorter hours, work closer to home, make more money. And within 48 hours, because in that mindset, ideas started coming that were not on the frequency of CNN, constantly negative news, or the problem, CNN. Once you're on a different frequency of thinking, you have different ideas than when you're on the the problem. All of you in this room know this. You do it all the time. So it is what it is. It just is a situation. How do I harvest the good? Napoleon Hill said, "Every adversity, every adversity has within it the seed of an equal, the seed of an equal or greater benefit. But like any seed, it must be found and planted, nurtured, and harvested.

Every adversity.

He didn't say some adversities. So think about an adversity that you might be afraid of right now, or one you might be facing right now. An adversity that you might be afraid of, and when we think about it, it might be— and you face all kinds of things. You know, somebody's suing you for $10 million. The spouse leaves. You come home. The doctor calls. The phone rings. Every one of us faces tough things. It could simply be that when you went off to college, your mother sold your Joe Montana rookie card, and you're still pissed about it. That it's still there. It is what it is. Harvest the good. Bob Proctor and I, in fact, we gave you a gift. Joe Polish. Bob and I have been friends for 20 years. We created a program on the invisible laws that govern the visible results of our lives, and something that we had both studied for a long time. So we gave you each one of those. It's the entire program, so I'm happy to be giving you that. So he and I did something about 15 years ago, and we've done a lot of work together, but he got involved in a project, and very quickly he lost $2 million on that project. A couple of months later, I saw him and I said, "Oh, Bob, I'm so sorry about that." He looked at me and he said, "Don't do that to me." I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "Don't put me in that mindset. Don't you hold me in that mindset. By golly, if I invested $2 million in that learning, I'm going to multiply that 10 times within 2 years, and you watch me." He not only multiplied it 10 times, he multiplied it 20 times. And I really think that's only because he hadn't heard Dan's Sullivan's talk about having a 10 times goal rather than a 4 times goal. It is what it is. Now I'm not going to pretend with you that this is easy. It's very easy for me to say these 3 things to you. It is what it is. Harvest the good. Leave the rest. So 2 parents get an email from their daughter, "Hey mom and dad, I'm sorry I haven't written lately, but you see, all my things were destroyed in the dorm fire." My eyes are almost completely healed now, and I will have no permanent damage from the smoke. While the dorm is being rebuilt, I've been living with my boyfriend Roy. I know how much you have always wanted grandchildren. You'll be happy to know you're going to have a grandbaby next summer. A few spaces down, please excuse this exercise in English composition. There was no dorm fire, there's no smoke damage, my eyes were not hurt, and I'm not living with my boyfriend, and I'm not I got pregnant. However, I did receive a D in English and an F in French, and I wanted to be sure you got this information in proper perspective. That's the power of having a framework. Pre-decided, advance-decided that the next time something happens that I think is bad, rather than knee-jerk, "This is bad," I'm going to feel that feeling, I'm going to notice that opportunity to react, I'm going to hit my internal pause button, wait 3 days, and during that time, I will dynamically exercise my capacity to pause, look for the good, cause myself to think, "From what possible good could I derive from this?" Make a decision for it. And when I notice the temptation— it's in our human nature, the temptation to rehearse, and nurse and curse that situation, to talk about it, to tell other people about it. What it does for us and what it does to us is dial down our creativity. It actually takes longer to harvest the good when we're pouring toxic energy on the very soil of the opportunity that's been given to us. When we think about it, all the energy that it took to bring it right to that moment of the big problem. We don't want to have to go around the cycle again and get right back to that moment. We want to grab it, get a hold of it, get the good out of it right then and go forward. So like any arrow— again, thank you, Joe Weldon— there's 3 parts to keeping it stable so you can hit your own bullseye. You're going to have problems. It's in life. It is what it is. Harvest the good and leave the rest.

Let's talk about that because my, you know, my next question is what is the premise of pre-suasion? So let's go into, like, how does persuasion differ from or enhance persuasion, I guess?

Yeah, you know, in the book Influence, I talked about what you should put into a message to increase the likelihood that people would want it, would try to acquire it. It, that thing that you're talking about, your offer. Persuasion is about what you should say or do in the moment before you deliver that message to make people attuned to the strengths of that message, to make them inclined toward, open to, receptive to the the thing about your message that is its strongest element, the thing that will make it wise for them to say yes, because that's the essence of what it is that you are offering.

Well, that is such an important concept that if someone was able to do that 5%, 10% more effectively, not just twice as good, but just little incremental things that would make a huge shift. But if you did it 5 or 10 times more effectively, that'd change your life. That would change the entire game. And so this, this is a way— like, Joe Weldon, who is one of my friends, he's a— we had been speaking about him previously before the cameras started rolling— is he made this comment about how to introduce a speaker as an example. And if you're gonna go up on stage, if you have a beautiful piece of art and you duct tape it to the wall, it's going to look a certain way. But if you put it in a nice frame, it's different. And ever since I heard that, I've always thought about, you know, how you frame anything has a lot to do with how it occurs to people, how they like it, how they buy into it. And then here you come out with Pre-Suasion, which is an entire study of how you frame things. And I don't, you know, I want to do it justice because It's way beyond just framing things. There's a whole lot more into it. Okay, I hope you found that video awesome and useful. So if you wanna get a free copy of my book, I want you to click here. And if you wanna watch some more videos that'll be useful and awesome, click here. Go ahead. They're over here. Do it now. Come on. Thank you. Watch 'em.