Growing Pains: Bust A Gut - A Stand Up By Garrett Gunderson

The reason why comedy is important to me is because of connection. From the time I was a little kid, my grandparents on my mom's side would gather the whole family around and I'd tell jokes. And I just saw that, the pleasure that that brought to them. They weren't worried about their problems in the past. They weren't concerned about what's going to happen in the future. In that moment, we were laughing about imperfection. The world suffers from perfectionism all the time feeling like we've got to be perfect, otherwise we're unworthy or unlovable. And that's where so much pain is caused. And all of a sudden I saw that release. And then my dad's side of the family, they would do the same thing. And it was the only common thread I had about both sides of my family.

Our next presenter is a paid contributor for Forbes, founder of an Inc. 500 company, has written multiple Wall Street Journal best selling books with one reaching number one in making the New York Times. But in true genius network fashion, he will not be speaking on the topic of his business, even though he speaks on how to keep way more of what you make without cutting back. I had him speak at the annual event and in 2014, and Tim Ferriss and Bo Eason called it the best presentation of the event, even though it had nothing to do with his topic of money and finance, but instead how to create extraordinary relationships, confusing many and causing J. Abraham to ask, how do I hire you? But in that 10 minutes, Garrett gave all the advice he had on relationships and no funnel or course or mastermind was to be found. So to make sure that we confuse everyone even way more on what Garrett does, I. I've asked him to come up here and do standup comedy. He's putting together a keynote one man show where comedy will be an instrumental piece of entertainment as a way to reach and educate more people. Give it up for Garrett Gunderson. I don't want to hug you.

Don't panic. No reason to get too concerned. No matter what you've heard here, I'm not Jesus. I mean, I just don't have his powers. He could turn water into wine and the best I could do is turn it into pee. Plus, I've just made mistakes Jesus never made. I had two kids. Yeah, and one's now a teenager. But I know the moment he became an adolescent because we always play this game. Would you rather. And he was like, hey, dad, it used to be. Would you rather, you know, be Batman or Spider Man? And I'm like, well, Batman's Ben Affleck. I think I'll just be Spider man at this point. But the other day he said, would you rather look at a girl's butt or her boobs? That tells me two things. Number one, he's becoming a man. And number two, I don't think he's discovered the vagina yet. Belongs way up there. Yeah, I mean, the conversations have changed. The other night, he's like, hey, dad, you have sex with mom every night. I was like, well, son, I certainly try. I didn't want to disappoint him. Yeah, but he has gone from like, a sleep and romance terrorist to my very best wingman. Like, we'll go upstairs, and he'll shut the door to my room. And I don't know if that's what I'm about to do to his mom or if it's because of what he might be doing in his room that nobody wants to see. Right. I kind of miss the days of him being in middle school, though, because the first day he came home, he's like, hey, dad, the kids are swearing at school, and they're not even 18. I'm like, well, son, that's more of, like, a house rule than a universal law. He's like, well, I kind of need something. Can I have. And he pulls me aside, shuts the door, and says, h e double hockey sticks. I'm like, yeah, you say it just like that, I think you'll be fine, buddy. But then the next day, he's like, hey, dad, that's just not enough. I need more. Can I say the dam word? I'm like, don't add an end to the end of it. And I think we're totally cool, bud. Right? But it was the third day that was really alarming when he came home, and he's like, hey, dad, what's a stupid cunt? And I was like, oh, I guess you never met mom's roommate from school, Bree, did you? But then I remembered Steve Sims and said, oh, you can say it in London. It's totally cool there, you know? So I have another son who's just super confused about religion. And why wouldn't he be? He was born in Utah, so he's not sure if he's Mormon, goes to the Jewish school, and his dad looks like Jesus. I mean, every time I go to the school, people get really concerned. And I had to go the other day for parent teacher conferences where they said he's been misbehaving, and they thought it would be a Good idea for me to spend more time with him. Turns out it was a horrible idea, and I'm a terrible influence. Yeah. I came home the other day, and he's like, hey, dad, are you hungry? And I'm like, oh, see, this is already working. Yeah, of course. Yeah. What? He's like, oh, would you like a bowl of cream of some young guy? Now, he doesn't know that means a bowl of semen. He just knows it's funny. So I decide, well, I better find some appropriate kid jokes. But I go to the wrong place Google, because this is the only joke he remembers. Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because he heard the ref was blowing fouls.

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That means sucking. Okay, you guys don't get it, but most people do, so don't worry about it. It's good. It's good. I ask these kids inappropriate questions all the time, like, who do you love more, me or mom? And they're super diplomatic about it, like, we could never choose. I'm like, well, if I'm gonna leave her ass, who you gonna live with? I found out this is definitely not me. Right? Say mom. Way too quickly. When I got married, my wife was like, hey, here's the deal. Like, we're not gonna spank our kids. I'm like, well, all growing up, I got my ass beat. And she's like, exactly. I was like, oh, touche. Yeah, so one day, the kids are just misbehaving, and she's like, you need to take care of your kids. Amazing that they're my kids when they're acting like assholes. They're her kids when they're doing something great, right? So I sit them down. I'm like, look, guys, mom says I can't spank you. So if you keep acting like this, I'm gonna have to beat your mother. She didn't even care. She was like, just chop me right here in the throat if we'll have him shut up, you know? Yeah. My son, he's just 14, and he's asking for help that I don't know how to help him with. Like, he says, hey, dad, will you help me text a girl I'm like, I don't know what to text a 14 year old. But then in my head I thought, damn, I actually have friends that do. So I had to make a rule. I had to make a rule. If I can take the girl's age and combine it with the guys and it sounds like a time of war, we can't be friends anymore. 1836, I don't think so. 1942, please. 1776, their ass is going to jail. But I decided, you know, I've been married for 17 years and 15 very happy years of my life. So I'm like, you know what, I got to be hip. I got to start doing some of these things. So I decided I'm going to sext my wife. So I mean, I'm a writer, so I'm like spending some real time on this. Talking about nibbling and caressing and pulling. Well, I'm like, maybe I'll pull that statement back. But after about 20 minutes, I finally hit send. I get a little bit nervous. I'm like, I wonder what's going to happen. Is she going to send me a video? I'm like, nah, please, that ain't going to happen. Maybe a picture, that'd be awesome. But maybe she'll just say something that blows my mind. And I get a little nervous. But finally those three magical dots start to appear, like, oh, this is great. What's it going to be? Spent a couple minutes, it's going to be something good. Finally it comes through. K. No, that's it, just K. But hell, I'm an optimist. I'm an optimist. So I'm like, that's fine. I'll just drive home and I'll deliver the O if she can't type it in. But when I get there, she's like kind of pissed off. And I'm like, oh, maybe this is role play. She's waiting for me at the door. I'm like, what's up? She's like, sometimes your sons have my phone, So you might as well go upstairs and get changed because they think we're all eating out tonight. Look, thanks for letting me share a little bit of this with you. The reason why comedy is important to me is because of connection. From the time I was a little kid, my grandparents on my mom's side would gather the whole family around and I'd tell jokes and I just saw that, the pleasure that that brought to them. They weren't worried about their problems in the past. They weren't concerned about what's going to happen in the future. In that moment, we were laughing about imperfection. The world suffers from perfectionism all the time feeling like we've got to be perfect, otherwise we're unworthy or unlovable. And that's where so much pain is caused. And all of a sudden, I saw that release. And then my dad's side of the family, they would do the same thing. And it was the only common thread I had about both sides of my family. So I chose to start doing comedy because in the world of money, there's tons of guilt, there's tons of shame, and there's not enough courage for people to face their fears and their finances. So I figured if I could start bringing a little bit of comedy, maybe there'd be some healing, maybe we could have some advancement, because there's millions of people online getting educated, but there's billions getting entertained. What if we could kind of sneak in, create some laughter, build some connection, and make a big difference? Okay.

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