How to Have a Stress-Free Political Conversation ft. James Carroll

You've heard wise people say to avoid conflict. Don't talk about sex, religion, or politics. But what if political conversations could actually lead to even greater understanding, deeper connection, even more— and even more effective communication? It all comes down to how those political conversations are handled. That's why communication was part of the theme at the Genius Network annual event, where experts like Chris Voss and Jefferson Fisher shared how to have difficult conversations successfully. Communication mastery becomes even more critical when emotions and belief run deep, especially around politics. Today's speaker lives in those conversations every day. James Carroll is the national chairman of the Benjamin Franklin Party, which believes politics should be friendly, factual, and fair— compromised and fair. James regularly engages in thoughtful political discussions with people across the entire political spectrum, Through those experiences he has developed powerful insights on how political conversations can happen without arguments stress or division his talk is titled How to Have Stress-Free Political Conversation—how about that? Please help me welcome James Carroll!

Thank you sir thank you Joe Polish polish politician The easiest way to have an argument free of anger A stress-free political conversation is not to have it. Thank you. Well under 10 minutes. Obviously, I'm just kidding. But that's what many of us do, right? We avoid having political conversations. And yes, that is stress-free, but it is also not having the conversation. So how do we have stress-free political conversations? Well, we do so by reframing or properly framing what it means to have a political conversation, and by using a simple but effective 4-step technique that I'll talk about today called the Rascal Wheel. But let's start by breaking the current frame. Right now today, when many times when we have political conversations, we do so as if the fate of Western civilization were hanging in the balance. And yet, as genius member and former US Senator Martha McSally, I think, might tell us, nothing could be further from the truth. In 95% of political conversations, win, lose, or draw, nothing changes. Think of it. No laws get passed or repealed. No one's taxes go up or down. No one gets elected or impeached. The only real moments of truth in a democracy are when we or our representatives vote. Now granted, yes, political conversations can influence how we vote, but that is in only in a very small percentage of the time. In the vast majority of political conversations, the stakes are incredibly, incredibly low. Now, you might find that frustrating, that the political conversations don't have more of an impact than that. But another way to think about it is freeing and liberating. Because without the fate of Western civilization hanging over our heads, that removes a tremendous amount of pressure and stress. But if our political conversations aren't likely to change anything, it kind of takes us right back to, well, okay, well then why even have a political conversation? So, the reason— we should go back to our reframe. If the reason for having a political conversation isn't to single-handedly save the world from ruin, then what should it be? Well, I would suggest to you that there are at least two very good reasons for having political conversations that we'll talk about today. One of those reasons, uh, would be deepening your understanding of the world. And/or the second one would be strengthening your relationship with the other person. So that's the reframe. Winning a political conversation is deepening your understanding of the world or strengthening your relationship with the other person. And I would suggest to you that that is a much easier— either one of those is a much easier and much more enjoyable win than simply trying to win a political debate. And it's less stressful. Political accomplishments like winning an office or passing legislation take a long, long time to accomplish. But the benefits that we see from an improved understanding of the world and improved relationships, those are instantaneous. Okay, so how do we do this?

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Let's take a look at the Rascal Will. Now, it is a 4-step process, but it has a hub. And the hub of the RASCAL Wheel is R, which stands for respect. So this respect, it's a bidirectional respect. It's not just a one-way street. But the reason we want to start with respect is because human beings, as social creatures with mirror neurons, we tend to reflect back to people the type of behavior that we see them acting towards us. So if people are rude to us, we find it very easy to be rude to them. And conversely, if somebody is being respectful to us, we find it very hard to be disrespectful to them. So that really sets a great environment for the 4 steps of the Rascal Wheel to have the hub of that wheel be the environment of respect, which lowers stress. Okay, so let's take a look at the perimeter of the Rascal Wheel. The first stop here is the letter A, which stands for ask. Now, what's great about asking is it further reduces stress, because when you're asking questions about a political topic, well, then your focus is on the political topic at hand, not you. Similarly, if you're asking people their points of view on it, the focus is on them. Again, not you. You already know what you think very, very well, intimately in fact. Okay, but the goal here, remember, one of the goals is to expand your understanding of the world. So if that's true, you'll want to ask open-ended and open-minded questions, especially if you cannot fathom why the other person could possibly have the point of view that they do. That gap in understanding indicates a blind spot in your thinking. As I used to tell my technicians all the time when I worked in IT, if something doesn't make sense to you, that means you don't have all the information. Because think about it, when we have all the information, everything always makes perfect sense. We may not like it, we may not understand it, but— or we may not like it, we may not agree with it, but we understand it. So, ask. You want to ask open-ended questions that don't have one-word answers. It's the classic 5 W's and an H. Who, what, where, when, why, and how. So, why is this important to you? Or if we want to do, as Gwen said today, not do a why, do a what. So, what additional information on this topic might make you change your mind? And so forth. The next step on the RASCAL Wheel is sense. And of course we all know about active listening, that's vitally important. Sensing is broader than that. It is, you know, for sure absolutely comprehend what they're saying, but also pay attention to their body language and how they seem to be feeling. Are they stressed and defensive or are they relaxed and engaged? Also sense how you're doing. Are you agitated or defensive or are you still operating from a place of being stress-free? Free. And remembering that one of the goals is to maintain or improve the relationship, sensing helps us make adjustments as we work our way through the conversation. The next step on the RASCL wheel is check. Don't assume that you have perfectly understood what the other person has said. Check your understanding with them. They may have misspoken, you may have misunderstood. So paraphrase and reflect back to them what it is that you think you've heard. And then ask them, am I right, or did I miss anything? This demonstrates not only that you're listening, but that you care about understanding. And again, that's a much less stressful environment to have a conversation in. It's also important to do the check for our final step on the RASCL wheel, which is to align if you can. Align if you can. As Chris Voss and Jefferson Fisher told us at the annual event, you don't want to try and find common ground necessarily with somebody if they're a bigot or a neo-Nazi. But there usually is something that you can find common ground on— or sorry, alignment with. And if that is not the method, it might be a value or a goal. For example, maybe you're having a conversation about homelessness, and you have different points— so you could say, It sounds like we have very different ideas on how to solve homelessness, but it sounds like we can also agree that homelessness is a real problem that should be eradicated. At this point, your partner may ask you what you think. And if you want to keep it stress-free, and, uh, then you want to stick with I statements and speak from your own personal experience. So as an example with, like, immigration, You could say, you know, I personally have never had any problems with immigrants. In fact, all of my interactions have either been neutral or positive. Now, that might be anecdotal, but it's also irrefutable. And nobody is more of an expert on you than you. So that is the stress-free RASCAL WHEEL. Respect, ask, sense, Check and align. And you can start another rotation of the Rascal Wheel simply by asking another question, or at any point you could exit. And you can exit by saying something like, hey, I've really enjoyed our conversation today, and I've learned a few things. We should do it again sometime. Or you can also exit anywhere during the conversation if you feel like things are going off the rails, right? They're heading south. Or if you think the other person might be operating in bad faith. And you know, there maybe you say something like, you know what, our relationship means a lot more to me than this topic. Why don't we hit the pause button for now? So here's the call to action. Use the Rascal Wheel in your next political conversation. Or if you're not ready yet to do that, ask your favorite AI chatbot to take a different point of view than your own and do the rascal will with it. And picture this: it's 2 weeks from now, and you are now a master at stress-free political conversations. So now you're ready to take on the other 2 topics, the taboo topics that Joe talked about: sex and religion. But those are 10-minute talks for another day.

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