If You Are AFRAID Of Marketing Your Business, Watch This! Feat. Marie Forleo

I'm curious, and I'm actually genuinely curious here. How many people in this room have a little bit of either resistance to negative association with or like Jo says on. Somewhere on the continuum of I just want to be the ideas person and I wish someone else would handle all this marketing stuff. How many people in here have that feeling?

Okay.

The ones that will tell the truth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Great. Awesome.

Yeah.

So part of why I've been so successful and we're so successful at helping people get results is I realized early on that there were so many big hearted, amazing people that have great products and services. They really want to make a difference to others. And then when it came to this whole marketing thing, it was like, oh, no, I don't want to feel like a used car salesman. I don't want to be aggressive. I don't want to manipulate people in a negative way. They didn't want to become this kind of a caricature of what they thought marketing and sales was. And anytime people have resistance to it, I say, you have resistance to it and you feel a negative association to it for good reason. Because there are tons of unethical, shitty. Take advantage of other marketing people out there. Right? Not unfounded in your thoughts, but one of the things I like to say is that there's this whole other style of marketing, something that we like to talk about in V school. And I often like to teach people called modern marketing. And this is where the best of your humanity comes out, not the worst. And so I often say, like, do you like recommending great restaurants to people? Like, how many of you like recommending amazing restaurants to friends? Awesome. What about like a favorite movie or a new show on Netflix or Hulu? Or like, you see something or you read a book, you're like, oh my God, I gotta tell everybody about that, right? And that's all modern marketing is. It's understanding that qualities like generosity, transparency, giving to others, empathy. I actually think that the best marketing is empathy in action. Your ability to step into the shoes of another human being and to feel not only their pain and frustrations, but their dreams and aspirations and be able to articulate that almost better than they can. So many people feel unheard these days. So many people feel like they're just screaming into a black void because no one actually cares about them. So many people, and this is one of the things I've discovered, and you were asking me what do I think is part of underneath our success in marketing is because we genuinely care and we're genuinely Mirroring back to people, the exact words, the exact phrases that they're thinking to themselves at night. We call it night sweats and wet dreams. And I know that's a little graphic, but I like graphic. So. So all of us, I think as entrepreneurs, I've certainly had those nights where you have anxiety, you wake up in the middle of the night. I did at least going, like, I don't know if I have what it takes to be an entrepreneur. I don't know if I can pull this off. Like, maybe I'm an okay life coach, but as a CEO, I kind of suck. I need to uplevel my skills. And so many of our customers and our clients are laying in bed at night stressed out about something, right? They feel so much shame, they feel so much anxiety, and no one's giving voice to it. And as a modern marketer, for you to be able to express that with compassion, passion, understanding, standing shoulder to shoulder with them, and then on the flip side, being able to paint those dreams and aspirations and have a vision for people beyond what anyone else in their life has for them, my goodness, when you articulate that vision. And again, this is our understanding. We do a lot of surveys. I talk to a lot of people. There's so many folks that we are exposed to in our business. They don't have anyone else in their life to talk to. Their families don't believe in them. Everyone's stressed out and in survival. And anytime they start to articulate their dreams to someone, they're either made fun of or you're a dreamer or that's not actually going to happen. And as marketers, we have this incredible opportunity to imbue people with possibility and transformation. I don't care what the hell you're selling. I don't care if it's a luxury thing. I don't care if you're solving problems. But I think as marketers, one of the most incredible things we can do is fall in love with marketing. I love that you and Dean call it. I love marketing, because here's my frame on it. If you have something that you believe in, a product or a service that you absolutely know in your bones is going to make a difference to another human, if you don't do everything you can to market the heck out of it, you are stealing from those who need you most. And I mean stealing. You are stealing a possibility. You are stealing a gift of a better life. You are stealing a possibility of who they could be, of them reaching into their full potential. If you're holding back because you don't want to be aggressive. Fuck that shit. Do you know what I mean? Sorry again, I'm from Jersey and I hopefully.

No, no, believe me, that just makes it so much better. We got a good video clip there. Briefolio said that.

Okay.

But it's true, though. And I, you know, I used to say this, and it's like, if you had the cure for cancer, right, would you have any hesitation whatsoever screaming it from the. From the mountaintops?

Exactly.

No, you wouldn't. And so you can't think of your product or your service in any lesser terms. And if you do, then you need to fucking make your product or your service way better so that you do feel that way about it. So you go out and scream, no, let me.

I love it. I love that. That's so useful. And here's what I want to back it up with. Like. Hype used ethically is massive enthusiasm for what you're selling. Hype used unethically is lying, misleading, bullshitting, exaggerating, making claims that you can't and won't fulfill. And where people end up hating marketing is you see a lot of very capable people that have terrible characters. They're utilizing the marketing and they're saying something that's similar to, I believe in it so good. I'm doing a disservice if I don't sell you this shit in a box over here, you know, but they. So, you know, if the actions and the deliverable and the thing that's funny is I'll often have people that will come to me like, oh, my God, look at this amazing testimonial that I got. And I'm like, that's awesome. And that's what should happen. Because if you are not getting that sort of stuff, you need to either take a look at what the hell it is you're selling and fix it or improve it. So one of the. If you already have people that know, like, trust you, love, you have amazing things to say, then the marketing becomes the amplifier of all of that and how to leverage it. One of the things, and it took me years to realize that when you just say marketing, people have this really negative connotation with it because everybody has been the victim of some marketing perpetrator, right, that just lied to them. And so I say that. Think of selling. Think of selling as influence and think of marketing as storytelling. Because if you are more influential and you tell a better story, just everything you're doing is going to get a better result.

This is something good that we remember on our team, we use it all the time. Facts tell stories. Stories sell. Write that one down. Facts tell, stories sell. So many of the times, you know, whenever we're selling any online program, we have a program that's called the Copycure, which is all about copywriting, which I love. You know, talk about marketing. I consider myself a lifelong student of marketing. I can never learn enough. I'm always going back to the fundamentals. I'm always going back to my own writing, my own offers, going, like, how can we make this better? How can we deliver even more for our customers? How can I communicate even more effectively? And I think as business people, when we're on a mission again and when we believe in our stuff, we do have to tell better stories. And some of the best stories to tell are your customer stories. Those are some of the best. And it's like any objection that comes up in terms of people going, oh, well, why should I either sign up for this, buy this product, or service? Oh, you remind me of Michelle. Michelle actually had that same hesitation. She didn't think she could do B school because she had six kids under six, but then she did it, and she made an extra $200,000 that year, and that was all the proof that she needed that she actually did have.

Time to do it.

So matching customer stories to any potential concern or objection is a great way to very seamlessly and very fluidly help your customers see the value in what you do and tell better stories.

I'm curious here. Who has ever pined or chased over someone who was unavailable if you have.

Raised your hand or treated you poorly in any way? Right.

Okay, interesting. So there's a reason why we, on a logical level, we're like, oh, this person is not good for me. They're unavailable, emotionally unavailable, whatever it is. But then everything in your body's like, yes. And so there's a reason. It lies in this experiment with rats. So they've done an experiment where they took rats and they had them in a cage, and there was a lever, and every time the rat pressed the lever, they got a pellet of food. And then the scientists were like, okay, well, every time the rats know they press a lever, they get the food. Okay. Continuous reinforcement. Well, what happens when sometimes we give them food when they press the lever, but sometimes we don't? And what they found was the rats got completely obsessed with pressing that lever over and over and over again until they would stop grooming themselves. Some of them died. They wouldn't drink water, and casinos Know this, right? Why are the slot machines the most profitable? And it happens in our romantic relationships, when someone gives us just a little bit of attention, then they pull back, and then they check their IG story, and then they pull back, and then they message you that they miss you or whatever it is. You are getting intermittent reinforcement. You don't know when the reward is going to come. So when you even get a little bit, you get so much dopamine, there's so much of an intensity, and that is what gets you hooked.

Yes.

And the way to hack that, by the way, is instead of just looking at the dopamine hit, just ask yourself this question. Who this person is in the world, how they move through reality, the impacts. They leave the wake behind them. Are you in love with that? Because if you check that question and you pit it against the dopamine hit, you'll see that if you're not in love with who they are in the world, then you're just on drugs. You're just the rat hitting the bar. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. It's pretty good.

Also, conflict. We mentioned conflict, and I just want to give a plug for conflict, because I literally help conflict resolution. That's my wheelhouse. Conflict is like going to the gym. Okay? The heart is the muscle. You go to the gym, how do you build a muscle? It has to rip and then grow back. Every time you have a conflict with your partner. If you know the technology of how to alchemize that conflict into intimacy, which is a skill set, but if you know how to do that, you literally turn that conflict into an upgrade of understanding and mutuality and collaboration. Every conflict is a collaboration trying to happen that got stymied. Okay? So if you can see every conflict is, okay, how can I turn this into growth? Not a tear in the heart muscle, but a tiny rip that makes it stronger, that there's a whole new availability. Conflict doesn't mean you're not with the right person. Conflict means you're with the right person to build your heart muscle.

All right, so you really. Your focus is on when people break up. So after a breakup, what's the best thing one can do? And maybe the worst thing one can do?

Yeah. I'll start with what not to do. Don't stalk their social media. I know it sounds simple, but understand what's happening in the brain, right? When you're with someone for months, years, decades, you have neural pathways that have been wired together. And so after the breakup, your body is in a state of shock. And even though you Know on a cognitive level that it's over. Your body's like, well, get me the dopamine, get me the oxytocin. So it's going to drive you to check their social media to try to make up excuses to see them have that closure talk. But every time you do go down memory, memory lane, you're only strengthening those old neural pathways and you're not letting them prune away. So that is why you want to do chunking. I would say start 30 days because if I just say forever, it's too overwhelming. Assess in 30 days and do another 30. The next thing to stop doing. You know those get togethers, when you get together with your friend and then suddenly they're a narcissist and you pathologize them? Don't do that. Do not vilify your ex. And this doesn't mean that what they did isn't horrible or that it's, you know, right or wrong. But here's the thing. If you are constantly blaming your ex, analyzing your ex, hoping for your ex to change, vilifying your ex, you are still in a relationship with your ex. You're just in a relationship with someone who's not in a relationship with you. And sometimes we hold on to the pain because that's the last part of the relationship we've got left. And I've seen people hold onto it for months, years, decades, and they're still in a relationship with this person. So don't do those things. And I would say quickly, what to do.

Just one thing about the demonizing the ex. Here's the deal. Once you love someone, if you really love them, you never stop. Your heart loves them forever. So when you love someone and then you demonize them, the part of you that loves them, you're now demonizing that. And so you create self loathing and it reduces your self esteem. So you want to make sure your breakup leaves your partner with more dignity and self esteem than they came in with. Because that's what keeps your dignity and self esteem up. And the quality of your last breakup governs the success in your next relationship. So you want to do it in a way that you can triumphantly sign your name to. And it's worth the effort to go back to the ex that has the unfinished business and clean it up in a way that you can sign your name to triumphantly because that's who you are moving into your next relationship.

Yeah, I love that. I think in what you do is give grief the respect it deserves. When you lose Someone, whether it's to separation, rejection, death, whatever it is, you go in a natural state of grieving. And I work mainly with high achievers. And high achievers just want to get over it. They want to just like, how can I bypass this? Well, you can't. And that's what causes you to have luggage, right? Baggage. You bring that baggage with you because you never process it. I remember. I mean, why did. I did. I think I was gonna grow up to be a breakup expert. I was a complete failure to my parents. They wanted me to be an accountant. But, you know, like when I went through a traumatic breakup and I completely broke, I spiraled into depression. I had suicidal thoughts. And I had so much shame because I felt painful. And my friend said to me, after a while, they're like, just get over it. You know, this happened for a reason. And I couldn't understand why I was going through that. And I felt so stupid. And now I understand. We are all going to lose someone we love in some way. And if you don't give grief the respect it deserves, it stays within you. So I would say do that.

And Kubler Ross has great books on mourning and grieving. It's a whole process, and you want to track the process. One thing I want to say, never break up in a fight.

Ever.

Never break up in a fight. It's not trustable. It also reduces your self esteem and your self esteem. So as I said earlier, you want to break up from. Think of your relationship as a terrain, like a topography. Find the most highest, beautiful, most poetic vista, stand there and break up from that place. Because that doesn't reduce the dignity of the other person. They can feel your love and your commitment and your reverence of relationships. And by the way, when you break up, it's not a failure. Everybody thinks of breakup as a failure. When you graduate university, it's not because you failed. You graduated, you got all the education, everything you need. Relationships are education. And when you shift out of the relationship, it means you've graduated, you got what you came to get, which is a nutrient or an education or some information that you didn't have until then. And every couple that you see together that you're like, they shouldn't be together. They should. Every couple that's together is supposed to be together, and they'll be together until they get that nutrient, that education that wake up of how to care for another person's feelings or how to stand up for your own needs and not just, you know, be steamrolled and doormatted. By your partner. They have to learn their education, and then once that happens, it'll organically disintegrate. So I never try to force a breakup. I just ask questions that are poised, the answers to which help the person realize that the person they're with isn't. Isn't a trampoline for their dreams and isn't a sanctuary for their heart.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video. And I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description. Or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can simply go to Joe's freebook.com and you can get a copy there.

What is the thought that you have about your business when you're alone and there's no one around?

What is the thought I have about.

When you think about your business, what is the main thought you're thinking about? Not the one. And be really honest, this isn't the headline one that you want all your customers to know, but this is the one you're actually thinking about.

Yeah, that's why I'm not blurting it out. What I've learned in the past is there's the seminar answer and then there's the real answer.

Yeah, let's pretend like we're not in a seminar. It's me and you coaching on the trail, hiking a mountain. Like, what is the thought you have about your own business?

And you know, it's a bit of positive and negative because I love work. But I'll tell you, like, it's one of the reasons I did my sabbatical is it's. Is this a game I want to play in? Is this really what I want to do? I tend to, you know, the default mode network often takes me into. Oh, you know, I'm sick of this shit. Do I really want to do this stuff? Is the juice worth the squeeze? Do I, you know, I need to get someone to help me with these things that I suck at. And I also know my brain often walks into a room and sees everything that's wrong, not everything that's right. And so when I'm sitting by myself thinking about where I want my business to be, it's a bit of now.

It'S not where you want your business to be.

What I think of my business.

When you think about your business and listen, there's a couple things that came up. He has like 15 thoughts and you all will right but what's the one that keeps reoccurring? Pay attention. If it's a question like, is the juice really worth the squeeze? If it's a question that keeps coming up, just answer it. Just answer the question that's the thought, right. And find that one thought that's like reoccurring. And it may be something like, one of the thoughts that you offered was, I need to get help. Yeah.

I'll tell you like I. The thing. So, for instance, my book. The proceeds in my book go to Genius Recovery. Genius Recovery is not anywhere near developed with a team where I want it to be. But I also feel like, what a waste of really great marketing skills which I have if I just try to sell more shit to people. I feel like I have to do something with this human suffering of this thing called addiction that nearly destroyed my life. And I do believe I know how to do that in terms of I know what someone can do to get help, but I think my business needs to do that. But I also don't want to sacrifice myself as a result of it. Meaning I can often play into that role of, oh, let me try to save everyone and neglect myself in the process.

Yeah. So a lot of what you're saying is your personal passion around it, but there's so many negative thoughts that you don't. You won't even recognize that you're having. So, like, one of it, one of your thoughts was, it's nowhere near where I need it to be. This is actually a really common thought that a lot of people have about their own business. So maybe some of you can relate to this. It's nowhere near where I want it to be. Okay, so let's just use that one as an example. Just grab the one thought and it doesn't matter. You don't have to judge the thought. Oh, it's positive, it's negative, whatever. None of that matters. What? Because sometimes positive sounding thoughts, like if they have positive words in them, will trick you. And the way that, you know, if it's a thought you want to have is when you think that thought, it's nowhere near where I want it to be. How do you feel when you. Because your thoughts cause your feelings and when you think that thought, how do you feel?

Sometimes I feel awful. While simultaneously like, let's beat this motherfucker.

Okay, now, now he switched thoughts. You can't switch to, let's beat this. That's a new thought. And that thought feels good. And that thought feels motivating. You can't just Switch it. But if you stay on the one, it's nowhere I need to be. Doesn't feel good. Feels awful, you said?

Yeah, yeah. Well, it feels.

Sure.

It's not like. It feels, like, awful, like horrible. I. I.

Stay with me. Don't go, like, think about it.

Doing a therapy session. No, no, no.

It's really important. It's nowhere where I need it to be. My business is nowhere where I need it to be.

It's. Well, it's one word.

You can only answer one word. Feeling.

I want it to be more. Not. It's nowhere near. Because I have a great business, I have a great life, and I'm grateful. He keeps changing the thought, but I'm saying it's so. I'm just trying to say that's what's so interesting. It's not the awfulness.

No, listen, we're not judging this thought. This is just a sentence in your mind.

You are.

It's so good.

But listen, you had this sentence.

It doesn't feel good.

That's all you.

Okay.

We don't need to change it. We don't need to judge it.

You didn't do anything. It's just. Yeah, you're right.

Right. So just notice when I think it sounds like you're just stating a fact. Yes.

It's nowhere where I want it to be.

Just.

But you don't even realize that thought when you think that makes you feel bad. Right. And when you feel bad, you're not going to do great things until you change it. Let's get going with this. Then you're going to change it. Right. So this is so important for all of us to just be aware these thoughts just. And that thought, every time you think about that business is just showing up, you're feeling bad, and you don't even realize that that one sentence is robbing you of feeling good and motivated and excited and determined about it.

Yes.

So it's just like an awareness to understand that thought feels this way. We don't have to try and change it or judge it or whatever. So that's. You were asking me for mind tips. Like, I've talked to crazy successful people and they have thoughts. Like, one guy was like, his thought was, I'm leaving money on the table, and it was making him feel so, like, immobilized.

Yeah.

Even though it was true. Right. So it's just being aware of that one sentence that you have about your business and then deciding instead what you'd rather think and then thinking that consciously.

So what.

What do you Want to think when you think about that business.

And I often do, I feel grateful. I mean, like there's a couple billion people on the planet right now, their dreams would come true if they could trade places with me or most people in this room for even an hour.

I know not all of you guys are trying to be Ms. Fitness, Olympia bodybuilders or in the fitness industry. For me it is an outlet. I enjoy it with business, there's so many things my brain just doesn't shut off. I have two kids, I'm a single mom, so I'm non stop. And I needed a positive outlet for me, so this has become that outlet. I'm also very competitive and I love challenges. I mean, you guys all are here because you're successful, you're driven. For me, I needed to find something that I could feel success with every day, positive with every day, and something I could control the outcome. There's so many things in our daily life that we can't control. You can control what you do. So whether it was 10 minutes just kind of going for a simple walk or an hour intense workout, it was something I could control and I did something about it. So, you know, a lot of us don't have time or we say that we don't and that's our excuse. But in reality, who doesn't have 10 minutes? So it's a very productive way to create. Keep your mindset focused on the proper things to give you that outlet to be positive. And for me, that's what fitness is.

Gotcha. Well, let's talk about your exercise routine. And then what do you recommend for? I mean, because you do you train more fitness competitors than any gym in, is it on the west coast or.

Like across the world? We train the top athletes in our industry, primarily women. We do train a few men who compete, but we're not into bodybuilding, so that is the term. And for anyone who's not very familiar, what I do is the fitness division where I do the flips and the choreographed routine and strength moves, plyo push ups, tumbling passes, so it's not flexing on stage. They do obviously judge your physique, but it's primarily women we train. And so we train the largest number of top five athletes in the world for all the women's division.

So what is like your workout routine? Because I would imagine most people think, oh, Whitney, you work out all day long and you have to eat. Give us some insight into how you train and how you exercise and what you think makes the most difference.

Honestly, people do. They think I'm in the gym working out six hours a day. And that's definitely not the truth. I would probably be poor with no income, and my kids would not like me as a mom. But I always start every day with 30 minutes of just walking on my treadmill in my house. That's more my meditation. It's the way I start my day. It's the way I plan my day, thinking about the things I need to do, trying to just kind of start fresh. So that is part of my exercise. Super simple. I mean, literally, it's walking.

So you're not running, you're literally walking. And you're just. You're getting your body moving and your mind thinking, yes, you're moving. Meditation, basically.

Correct. I mean, because mindset is the driving force for most people, that kind of sets that pattern for the day. For me, it's super important. If I sleep late and I don't get it in, my days are always a little off. So it's my time to focus on breathing. Just focus on my positive thinking. It's not sitting on the treadmill, working and returning emails, texts, whatever. It's focus time for me before I really, boom, hit the button.

Okay, so let me ask you, do you look at any screens at all?

Do you watch anything I do for the first 10 minutes? No. I mean, I literally hold onto the rails and I close my eyes and I focus on breathing for the first 10 minutes. That was a game changer for me the first few years, because I would. I'd sit there and I'd. I love memes.

You.

And I said, oh, yeah, no, we.

Have the best, most inappropriate memes.

Totally.

I love it. It's amazing.

Yes. But they're the best entertainment. If you're ever having a bad day, just shoot me a text and I'll send you tons of memes and you will definitely cheer up. But I used to. I used to start my day reading emails and just trying to be efficient, and it never helped. So me setting at least 10 minutes with focused time, doing nothing except breathing in silence has helped. And then I will. Maybe it's listening to a motivational podcast or music, just kind of depending on my mood. I don't work, though, at that time because for me, as soon as I'm done with that, my workday starts and it goes till about 1am morning the next day. So long days. If I don't have that time, which most successful entrepreneurs do that, they find that point in the day and may not be in the morning. Whatever works for you. But you have to have that time that's focused on kind of resetting and then prioritizing what it is you need to do and being organized.

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