Kimberly Shannon Murphy: The WORST Things About Surviving Abuse That Will Surprise YOU!

I've done probably every stunt there is to do. I don't think there's one I haven't done.

Do you mind talking about Hollywood? How is it so hidden?

And Corey Feldman has been saying this forever. My story is my story. It's a horrific story. But I don't want to get on stage and constantly talk about that. Like, I want to talk about what I'm actively doing to get through it so that I can provide people with hope that they can also do that.

Thanks for coming. I knew you flew in here last night. You had a three hour delay. I did. It's real. But you said you got some work done.

I did, yeah.

Good, good, good. All right, well, so let me see how to frame this. Because you came to a genius network meeting before a little bit larger group. So this is our, you know, our 100k group. And I had so many people after our conversation that came up to me that thanked me for having you there. Had no idea in the beginning, like, I'm not sure what this is going to be. You know, we'd given everyone a copy of your book. Your book is really one of the most powerful, impactful, sad, but also healing books that I've read in a long time. A couple people mentioned it's difficult to get through the beginning parts of the book because, I mean, you go into some stuff, but I think the way you wrote it is just absolutely brilliant. And I can go on and on about you, but what didn't I say about you that you would like people to know. And then we'll get into some conversation. And I want to make this interactive also. So we're going to do some Q and A too. So don't think this is just me talking to Kimberly.

No, I think you summed up.

Yeah. So what have you been working well? Okay, so what do you, what are you working on right now? Let's, let's, let's go into your business. You're a stunt woman.

Yes.

You've done some pretty crazy stuff. So we'll talk a little bit about.

That and then, yes, I've done some pretty crazy stuff. I've done probably every stunt there is to do. I don't think there's one I haven't done. Now I'm coordinating, so I'm more sort of like the boss of the stunt people. So I tell people to fall down the stairs instead of doing it myself, which is a nice change. And that's kind of new. I've been doing that the last few years, but now I'm sort of taking it on as I'm getting older as just a bigger opportunity for me to sort of segue out of the physicality of my work also, because a lot of it was rooted in my trauma. And I speak about that in the book, about how, you know, pushing my body to the limit. And, you know, the few times I did get injured on set, feeling a lot of sort of, like, pride around that. A lot of feelings of, you know, my outside matching my inside, which is why I was a cutter and I wasn't like a typical cutter. There's a lot of people that are cutters will do it in places where people can't see. I would do it on my face when I was a kid, more to try to get attention from my mother, which didn't work. So, yeah.

Cutting. When I got a job at a mental hospital, it was very interesting because I had moved to New Mexico to go to New Mexico State. I was really bizarre time. I went there to get sober from being a drug addict. And when I first got there, I lived in a trailer for two years with my father, just because it was the weirdest time of my life. I didn't have any girlfriends. I didn't, you know, it was just really difficult. I was so messed up from the drug addiction. And I ended up getting a job working at a health club, and I sold gym memberships. And it was the first time in my life that I started acting, actually exercising and working out. And it completely had a physical transformation on me. And then about a year into that job, a guy that worked out there ran a mental hospital and offered me a job as a mental health tech to go to the hospital. And so I would have certain nights. It was a lot of night work. And I would, you know, there was the adolescent ward, there was the adult ward. One of the jobs that I did was I would drive the people that were there for addiction to AA meetings, NA meetings, Narcotics Anonymous and then CA meetings, Cocaine Anonymous. And I would sit in on those meetings, never realizing how valuable the exposure to that recovery community would be later in my life. And there were several people there that were cutters. And we would have in the charts, we'd have to hide any sharp objects from them. And I always found, like, cutting when I would listen to them. Talk is like a form of addiction, and they just were trapped in a vessel they didn't want to be in. And they were trying to, you know, hurt themselves because of the shame. But there was other reasons, too. And I'm just Curious, like, what causes someone to cut? Because I think the final form of that would be like a form of suicide. Right. So what is that? What is going on? And when you were cutting, you were trying to get attention. It was a plea for help. But were you also, was it self hatred or what? What do you think it was?

I never felt self hatred around that for me, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't feeling it. It's just I don't connect with that really since. And a lot of the things that happened to me are not in my book because they were very graphic and it was not something that I felt was necessary to share in order to share my story. But from a very young age, I was abused by my maternal grandfather, my mom's father, who, it was a generational thing, and he abused all of his children and who knows before that, and then all of me and my siblings. But he used to carry a knife and he used to cut me. And that was, I believe, used as a fear to scare me into not telling anybody. So I have scars on my body from him. I think that, you know, in retrospect, with all of the work I've done and all the healing I've done, I think after he died, part of that was needing to feel like that was what was familiar to me, like that was what I deserved or something that. Because the cutting that he did to me was kind of like the final finish of the abuse at that moment or that day. To be like, don't tell anybody. That's what it felt like. There was no words that were spoken, but that's what it felt like. And so I think when he died, it was something that I carried over myself. It was like some sort of satanic ritual.

Wow. Wow. So for context, for people that don't know and have not read your book. So you were abused from the age of 3 years old to 11 when your grandfather died. He was really revered. He was a successful person. You know, he had, I guess, high status in the community. And he gave you herpes when you were eight years old, no one noticed? I mean, why? They didn't notice? We can go into that.

Well, they did notice. My mother did take me to the doctor, but when the doctor said, this is what she has, she immediately took me out of the office and I was never treated for it.

Yeah. So did the cutting start early on, if you can remember, or was it more towards the end, as you gotten older and you're at the place where you could actually communicate and you could verbalize more. Like, when. When did that manipulation start?

Probably around six.

Around six? Yeah. So do you mind talking about Hollywood?

No.

Like, okay, so there, you know, I mean, as we're doing this interview, it's all over the news with P. Diddy and everything, you know, who I think has just got to be a raging sex addict and who the hell knows? And just the you and you go back to Epstein and starting with MeToo movement with Harvey Weinstein. And what is it about that world that attracts so much of this hidden, manipulative, sociopathic, narcissistic behavior and people get away with it for so long. How is it so hidden and it's not hidden? Money. Power.

Money and power. And, you know, I think it's for the children. And Corey Feldman has been saying this forever, and he was kind of deemed as a crazy person when he was outwardly speaking about the pedophilia that was happening through Hollywood. And it's interesting because all of them, oh, they're just like crazy Disney kids, but actually they're traumatized kids that were raised by traumatized parents who get into this, you know, mode of I want my kid to be famous and throw them out to the wolves and let them be alone with, you know, with Michael Jackson, which is, you know, for me, so difficult because I'm close friends with the two men that were abused by him. And I've done interviews with them and, you know, everyone still, like, plays his music and pretends like, well, there's more.

Of a movement now that he was innocent. Right. You've seen that kind of trend. Right? Which I don't like. What do I know, right? Other than it's like, how do you. How does a person on the outside make sense of what is true and what isn't?

I think if you watch Finding Neverland and you can walk out of that saying that this didn't happen to those guys, then you're insane. Because their stories, and they weren't even. They didn't even know each other as kids when they were going through the same thing with Michael. And their stories were exactly the same, like, what he did to them, their stories lined up perfectly. And what person is going to put themselves through that? You know, like me? You know, after my book came out, during the writing of it, and then after my entire family alienated me, thankfully, it was a gift. But, you know, calling me a liar, which is ironic because my grandfather left many confession letters that were found after he died. And everyone is very aware that the abuse happened. But, you know, Speaking about it, outwardly, my parents, you know, my family, you know, especially my sisters were like, well, Kim can just keep lying. And I don't know anybody that would put themselves through going out into the world and saying your darkest, most terrifying secrets for fun.

Right, right.

I mean, just doesn't add up.

You know, oftentimes people will ask me, why do I do this sort of stuff? You know, why is it of interest to me? Why do I bring someone like you or Gabor Mate or like Marilyn Murray, who, you know, wrote Prisoner from Another War, who I introduced you to recently. 87 year old who was at the last 100k meeting, who was, you know, raped as a child by, you know, military men and then became the first woman to do support groups in Arizona. And then she created the Trauma Egg, which is used by a lot of therapists throughout the world for trauma healing. And she also was the first woman to do eight years of pro bono work in prisons with rapists and sex offenders and child molesters. Trying to get to the. With the core, of course, trying to stop abuse. Right. And the way. Part of the reason I do this is having the sexual and physical abuse I had as a K, I really have empathy for people that have been through that. I mean, I understand how it can. If you don't deal with it, if you don't address it, if you don't take steps to heal it, it just dominates your life in a very painful way. And I see so much of that happening with narcissistic leaders in the world, Fauci being one of them, probably Bill Gates and a lot of these tyrants. And what I mentioned when I interviewed Bobby Kennedy at my annual event last year, you know, I said, you know, they raped people with needles when you do forced mandates. And I said, you know, farmer rapes. I mean, we're like, literally this. To me, when you take something without consent, that is a form of rape. And I think it just bleeds so much in all these different areas. And I think it's just this global trauma. And is Steven Kotler in the room? I don't know if Steven's in here. So I was having a conversation and he has this whole thing where he's like, you know, so many people are just using trauma as a way to, you know, I can't speak for him, but like, his perspective, from my understanding, was to gain sympathy and to do stuff. And we had talked about on our last interview, woundology, where someone is wounded, they're hurt, and that becomes their identity, and they tell this constant story. And frankly, there's a lot of personal development people that manufacture these difficult stories so that they can, you know, use it as a way to manipulate and get rapport with. So what is the, I guess, healthy, healing way of looking at your trauma versus how is the trauma, which is so important? I mean, I'm really happy that there's so much conversation and that people like Gabor are out here doing what they're doing. Ramani Duvasla, both. That's how we met each other, through Ramany, this brilliant woman. They're just saving lives. I mean, they're helping so many people, but there's also a lot of people that are also using it to move, manipulate. And those are the same people that are the abusers, the manipulators. So how do you make sense of what's real and what isn't, what's healthy, what's not? I mean, it's a complicated question, I.

Know, but I think if you've been traumatized, it's very easy to know what's real and what isn't, if you've done work on yourself. For sure. I think there's definitely that victim mentality. And I. You know, the one social media outlet I use is Instagram. And I will say that I. I can see people that have CPSD that kind of have been stuck in this perpetual victim mode. And I'm not saying that in a mean way. I'm just saying that, you know, yes, we can tell our stories and our truth can help people, give them the strength to heal. But I also don't want to get stuck there. Like, my story is my story. It's a horrific story. But I don't want to get on stage and constantly talk about that. I want to talk about what I'm actively doing to get through it so that I can provide people with hope, that they can also do that, so that we're not. So that, yes, we have to deal with our trauma. And most of the time, that's behind closed doors with whatever therapist or doctor we choose to work with and whatever healing modality we choose to work with. But then it's, how are we coming out on the other side to give people hope? Because so many people are in so much pain and incest is rampant in our country. Like, rampant. And most of the people never get through it or heal from it because they're still in relationship with a family member that has abused them, and they don't see a way out. And I want to be a mouthpiece to let them know that there is a way out.

Yeah, well, let's speak to that, because I think, you know, on different levels, everyone has their traps. Even if they're abused or not. And especially if they are, it's even more complicated. So what is the way out? What is the path that you could speak to that you took that finally made the most difference?

Psychedelics for me, Yeah. I feel like, for me, my trauma was so deep and dark and coming more into the light of understanding that I really feel for those who've never experienced psychedelics, I feel like when I talk about it, I sound very like, woo hoo. Like she's out of her mind. But genuinely, Engobor was the first one to sort of bring this to my, you know, he's like, have you ever thought about doing psychedelics? And I was like, no, I, you know, don't want to go there. I'm not. Because to me, I, you know, kind of dabbled in drugs when I was in my 20s, and I was like, what is MDMA gonna do? Like, I know what it feels like to be on mdma. Well, when you do it in the right setting, with the right intention and the right doctor and the right medicine. Because the stuff we get off the street is not the stuff that you're getting from actual doctor.

Right.

The experience is completely different. And I have been able to uncover many deep memories that have been embedded in my soul. And I have watched how my grandfather's abuse has played out in my entire family. And my aunts and my uncles and my cousins and my siblings, and all of them are either alcoholics or have diseases or are just angry or they're abusing other people, you know, so that is not the path that I wanted to walk down. I wanted to get to the truth of what happened to me. Because in the truth is how we heal. Because if I don't know the full truth of the magnitude of the abuse that I suffered, then how am I supposed to heal from it and move through it? Right? So being able to do psychedelic therapy for me has enabled me to recover those dark memories so that I can work through them and understand, oh, this is why I'm showing up to my daughter in this way. Or this is why I'm showing up to my partner in this way. This is why I'm showing up to my work colleague. Whatever it is, it's from my trauma. And I can change that because now I can recognize, oh, this is why I'm getting triggered for something that normal people wouldn't and I can heal that and move through it, but if I don't, if I can't uncover the memories, then how am I ever going to understand, fully understand myself? And I do believe that I'm here to fully. That we're all here to fully understand ourselves and that we're here to be the best version of ourselves as well.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the first venture into psychedelics, especially when you're gonna unravel stuff, can be extraordinarily scary. And I've, you know, and I'm always very cautious of just telling people, you know, go do psychedelics, because you're opening up, you're opening up a lot. And it's also. I never had any long term sobriety from my sexual addiction, which was a response to my abuse until I did psychedelics. I mean, I would go periods of time, but I would always have these relapses on inner circle behaviors. And it's fascinating because I used to, as a kid do psychedelics to get high and to escape and to look at it from a different frame of reference of like, oh, this is going to be expanding. But I, you know, my. I have a friend who's a psychiatrist that specializes in plant medicines and psychedelics for trauma, abuse. I mean, trauma, addiction, anxiety, PTSD. And he, after his 250th ayahuasca journey.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. So he lives in the jungle. I mean, he's a big spokesperson for it. And I was on an airplane with him and he said, you know, I finally realized the. It was ayahuasca that he had just gotten done doing. He said, I realized the medicine. And it's interesting that they refer to it as medicine, which is people that are real healers, they use the word medicine different than a doctor or a pharmaceutical company uses medicine. It's really bizarre.

It is medicine.

Yeah. And he said, the medicine doesn't do the work for you. It just presents to you the work you need to do. And so I have a lot of friends. I always make this joke that I have a lot of friends that go to Burning Man. They get high in a camper and they call it a spiritual experience. And I also know people that will literally do psychedelics in a camper and they'll have a spiritual experience. Right. It depends on kind of like how they interact with it. And there's a lot of spiritual narcissists that are running around that may have dabbled in it. And now all of a sudden they think they know the kingdoms to healing and God and Everything else, and it's just like, you know, so how does one go into this from your perspective, in a safe, thoughtful way? If there is such a. Because it ain't a joyride.

No. And the doctor that I work with, I will say I think the doctors that are out there that are really doing this work in all the right ways, you can't find them. You know what I mean? Like, you have to know someone who knows someone who, you know. I mean, my doctor works very black market. You know, she's literally. I call her the medicine woman. She lives in Big Bear and, you know, on this, like, massive piece of land. And, you know, that's what she does. And it's. She doesn't. She's not on social media. She's not out in the world. Not to say that that's, you know, right, wrong, or. It's just that she is dedicated to the work, and she is incredible. We do integration before, so sort of set an intention of what I feel that I need to get out of my journey. And surprisingly enough, every time I set an intention, it shows up in my journey. Since we met last, I think when I was here last, my father had just passed away, and there was a lot of pain around that for me because nobody in my family told me that he died. And I heard somebody called my husband, who wasn't even my family, to tell him that my father died. And I didn't go to the funeral because I wasn't welcome at the funeral. I mean, I could have shown up if I wanted to, but my family, because of how much trauma they've been through, I knew that it could have gotten really ugly and. And I didn't want that from my dad's memory, even if I've had many issues with my father. And I always felt like since doing journey work, that I would connect with him in another realm, that I had this feeling. And when he died, I felt him with me all the time. That I knew that we would never connect in this world in the way that I needed him to. So I had a journey about maybe a month ago, and I kind of went in with the intention. I always sort of go in with the intention of whatever my little girl needs to show me. I'm willing to see for her not to give me more than I can handle, because there's a lot. And that if my dad is wanting to connect with me, that I am open to that. And, you know, sure enough, like, probably an hour into my journey, my dad was just there, and he was just like, weeping at my feet. Sorry. And it was the most beautiful thing. And he just, you know, my dad was an alcoholic, and he was in Vietnam at 18, and he was a minesweeper. And so I kept getting these flashes of him in Nam and, like, his friends blowing up in front of him. And he was kind of showing me how, like, he just lived in this war zone. And then he married my mom at 22. And my mom was. Obviously came from a parent she came from who were extremely abusive, and they had us. And my dad said, I never saw your grandfather do anything to you. But I definitely ignored every sign, and I'm sorry. And, you know, my little girl was there, and she just, like, crawled in his lap and. Thank you. Oh, thank you. And it was just this beautiful moment. And I just, you know, when I came out of it all, it was like, yeah, I didn't need to go to my dad's funeral. I didn't need to do any of that because all of that doesn't matter. Like, this. This is what matters. Like, the connection I was able to have with my dad that I wish that every one of my family members could have because I know it would change their life. I can be at peace with my father because I know that he couldn't give me what I needed in this life. And now I know that he can genuinely see it for what it was and that he's sorry.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video. And I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free, there's a link below in the description, or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can Simply go to joe'sfreebook.com and you can get a copy there. That is one of the, I guess, benefits. And I'm not saying that, like, I've never been able to predict a medicine journey. Like. Like, shit happens, that things occur. I don't know if it's. For instance, the second. First time I did ayahuasca was in the jungles in Mexico with Gabor Mate. And the second night, the second journey, it was a week, but during that period of time, we did it three times. The second journey, I'm, you know, we're in this. What do you call it, with the open roof and everything, the yurt sort of with several people around.

Was he facilitating or was he also.

No, he was participating and facilitating the group discussions, but there was a couple of other people that were facilitating with him, so. But no, he was. He was doing it with us. And, you know, I often have gone back and go, was it my mind that was interpreting this? Were you tapping into. Was it really my mother that was there? And during the second, like, the weirdest thing, as real as sitting in this room, there's, like, music that they're playing that, you know, they're chanting. And it's light, although it's dark. There was some light. I could see moonlight. And then all of a sudden, just a swept of wind came over me. Right when it hit, everything got really dark and really gloomy. And this woman that had a couple of children, she was next to me. And all of a sudden, the whole scenery changed and she was up bawling, her head up, just crying. And I'm sitting there, not really able to move. And it became my mother crying, knowing that she was going to die from cancer and leave me and my brother. And this. It was this real. And I could not move. I could not reach out. And I'm just. And it was like this fucking pain, emotional pain of, you know, not being. There would be no way without that journey I could ever relate to what my mother went through and, you know, and all of this anger that I would have towards my father. But now I have this love and compassion that I never could have had because he had it. His life was so hard. He wasn't great in so many ways, but he loved us as much as he could. His consciousness and his own struggle and his own suffering. And it really is a gift. It is to give yourself that. And even people that you don't have to be traumatized, there's a certain thing you just never get in touch with. Now, there's other ways, obviously, to reach that. Both of us have done a lot of different forms of healing the best way we know how. But I'll tell you, that moves things very quickly, and I mean very quickly. And it was. Yeah. And it just completely changed my whole perspective of death and relationships. And, I mean, what plant medicines have really done is there's some people that I perceive badly betrayed me from their own perspective. They were doing what they thought was the best thing to do. And they didn't view what they were doing to me as betrayal, but it was. And the ability to even make sense of that and to try to hold space. I mean, I have literally been in medicine journeys, dialoguing with abusers. And that's a hard one. And it's not all there. I never pretend, like, oh, I'm complete No, it's just this is all, this is just a way of doing life. But I'll tell you, almost every person that I've ever met that has not dealt with their abuse, the entire family unit is all fucked up, except the ones that do the sort of healing and you don't. And successful people, successful families with lots of money and a lot of outwardly success, and you get behind the scenes and we have these conversations all the time now because we kind of put this out there. They're all fucked up until someone steps up and says, no, we gotta, you know, we're gonna do some generational healing here. And so you weren't invited to your father's funeral because of your book, I imagine, or because of you basically opening up about what happened in the rest of the family, or at least maybe not all, but most of them being in denial or just ignoring it or not doing the healing. Is that what's going on?

I mean, I'm sure if you asked them, they would have quite a different feel as to why we don't speak. But you know, it was kind of happened one at a time. I got my book deal because I think when originally 15 years ago, I was writing a book with my whole family, we were all writing it, my sisters, my mother, my aunt. Like, we were all writing this book. And it was more of a just like a therapeutic way of us getting our feelings out. But it wasn't really healthy because it was cross generational. So I don't really think, you know, everyone sort of put themselves in the same boat instead of, you know, my mom really never took responsibility for her, you know, what she contributed to how badly I was hurt. So when I got my book deal, my first sister, I told her, I said, look, I got a book deal. And I think everyone was like, oh, it's so cute, Kim's gonna write a book. And then I was like, no, HarperCollins bought it and Cameron Diaz is writing the forward. And so I think that was terrifying. And that I told my sister that was that like six years ago. And then immediately I haven't talked to her since. And her and I suffered similar things because we're the closest in age. And then my younger sister said I was gonna ruin all of the kids lives coming into the world, like all of our children, which I feel quite the opposite about. And so she was the next one. And the more healing I did, the more difficult it became for me to be in relationship with my family. So the things that my family would do, the way that they move through the world became more and more unattractive to me, and more and more was I getting further away from it. And that really started happening with my psychedelic work. So for me, it was like I started really. And Rami helped me with this so much, like, looking at the whole family system, because for so long, I just looked at my grandfather like, okay, he did these awful things to us, and so I hate him. And my grandmother was just as bad. And really, I had so many adults around me. My mom's one of six, so. And my dad's one of five. And they were all there. Like, my abuse happened on, you know, probably three, four times a week. But, like, Christmas and east, you know, all the holidays, like, my family was in the house. This wasn't something that was hidden or, like, that he tried to even hide. So for me to have to sit back and look at the whole family system and how my mother failed me and my father failed, failed me and my aunts and my uncles and everybody, and for me to really sit with that and be honest with that and be honest about it, and when nobody's willing to take responsibility for their part in it, I just couldn't. I could no longer. You know, it's like banging your head up against a wall, trying to convince people, you know, like, we can heal. We can do this thing. And everyone's just like, no, no, we get it. You know, my family's very much like, no, we know it happened, but, like, we're moving on. But you're not moving on.

Right, right. So as a parent now, your daughter's 10. Okay. And your husband, cool guy, such. Such a great guy. He was here at the last time, and it's the first time he actually ever saw you do, like, a live sort of. Yeah, yeah. Which was.

Which was really intense because somebody asked him a question and he started crying, which he doesn't often cry, and I was like, oh. You know, somebody asked my husband, you know, how are you doing? And he just broke down. And I was like, oh, shit. I really. I haven't been, you know, taking it. Not that I. You know, you get so caught up in your own stuff. And I was so caught up in writing my book and all the things that I didn't realize how much it was, like, heavy on his shoulders. And, you know, it's been a lot for him as well.

Right, right. You know. So what are you hoping that your story does? This event you're doing with Gabor? What are you hoping that it does? Where would you like to see this go, because now that you've been very open about this, but I think in a very thoughtful way. I mean, I, you know, I've had, God, countless conversations with people that are in trauma, and I think the way you're approaching it is, you know, you're. You don't sugarcoat things, but you're very good and thoughtful about how you address things. You're not doing it to garner. You don't write in a scandalous way. It's not like clickbaity. It's just, here's my life. I mean, I know you put a lot into how you address it and how you want to bring stuff to people. What are you hoping for? Because the path I want to go down is give some recommendations for people here, not only for the time, first themselves, but for their families, you know, and how you. So what are you hoping comes out of. If you could, you know, five, ten years from now, what if you could look back and be like, man, I'm glad I wrote this book. I'm glad I started sharing this healing work I'm doing. What do you hope happens?

I think the biggest thing for me and doing this event with Gabor is it's called Return to Self Navigating Attachment and Authenticity. And if you follow his work at all, he. He speaks a lot about that. And that is the attachment that you have when you come into the world, or you're supposed to have the healthy attachment with your parents, your grandparents, the people that are supposed to love you and keep you safe and protected. And if you don't have that, what does that look like when you start dealing with that? If you don't have that healthy attachment, which I didn't to any adult in my life. And. And what do you then choose? Being attached, Having the attachment and not being able to be authentic or being authentic and losing the attachment. And that's been a huge piece of my healing. And I get so many messages from so many people who have been abused by their father or their uncle or their brother, and they're struggling so much, they don't feel like they have a way out, because I don't think that they can see themselves not having a relationship with their parents, but. Or whoever it is in their family. I think what people are missing is that you're losing your relationship with yourself, which is the most important thing. And everyone. You know, when you've been abused, you're kind of taught from an early age that you're yourself, doesn't matter, and that you don't matter and that you're just an object. And that kind of spills out into our adulthood. And so my biggest thing is I want to give people the words, the dialogue to start to cut those ties so that they can get their power back or gain it for the first time ever.

You know, I think the thing that is the biggest joy for me is I got to a point where I was actively seeking how to deal with some of the destructiveness of my thoughts, my life, my depression, my anxiety. And so I was like, seeking help. I cannot tell you. Ever since I started talking about this stuff and sharing it and interviewing, you know, really smart people about it and people that have been through it, that people will come up to me and be like, you know, I never even looked at this part of my life until I. You know, it's almost like they weren't looking for it, they just happened to stumble on, you know, So I always hope that that happens, like in a room like this, and it could be one person, right? But it's that when it. When it opens it up, it. The other is there's a lot of people that they're not, you know, their lives are not dominated by trauma, but they don't know how to deal with people that are. And they often have very difficult people in their lives. And they will oftentimes, you know, think the people are just, you know, jerks and want to help them. They'll be very dismissive. But if they understand the atmospheric conditions, as my friend Dr. Don Wood says, then, you know, it makes more sense for them. So my question is, without just knowing the pain of everyone, you can't go out and save the whole frickin world. You can barely. You know, most people can barely manage their own lives, let alone everyone around them. So when, if you have team members, family members that are really struggling, that are really suffering, what is your perspective on healthy and unhealthy ways to try to help them? Because if you did a phone call with every person that's sending you a direct message on Instagram, sharing, you know, because unfortunately, when you open yourself up like this, you get people that are so broken. And I have the hardest time with that. Like, I have people that reach out that are suicidal, they have no money, they're just dying, you know, and it's like, it's one of the reasons I created the recovery clone, right? It's like, how do you have all these conversations with people? So how do you, you know, what advice would you give for. Here's healthy Boundaries and unhealthy boundaries as it relates to all the pain and suffering with people around you. Because people got to do their own work, too.

Yeah. The short answer is, you don't. You can't help everybody. And I learned that even with my family and I think writing a book, doing an event, speaking, that's, you know, quote unquote, my gift that I'm giving, you know, because, yeah, the messages are real. And it's. It's hard. And it's hard not to answer every single one, because there's that part of me that is like, wants to help and heal all the people, but you can't do it for anybody. They have to do it for themselves. So I think, you know, I'll always, like, defer to my book and say, this is why I wrote it. I wrote it for us. I wrote it for all the survivors out there and also for all the people that are in relationship with people that have had things like this happen to them. Because we can't. You know, you'll lose yourself by doing that for everybody.

Completely. Completely. And the bigger things, like, you know, everyone here in this room is in a leadership position. Many have dozens and some have several hundred employees and team members. And I always think of the line, who helps the helpers? When you're in a position of helping other people and you're in many cases the top leader in your company, what do you do when you're broken? Who do you go to? So how do you take care of yourself? What do you currently do that are in the same way that if you exercise and work out and eat well for your own mental health, what are some of the things that you do on an ongoing basis that are just really beneficial for helping you stay centered? It could be therapy. It could be ongoing medicine journeys. It could be meditation. I mean, it could be something that I don't know even know what it is. What are some of the things you do?

I mean. Well, working out, obviously, has been a huge part of my life always. And I think that that's the start to our mental health, is just moving our bodies. And honestly, getting away from my family was a huge step for me to help heal my inner child. And I do a lot of inner child work. And I think if your inner child is around people where they don't feel safe with, then you're never going to be able to take that next step to healing.

Can you explain inner child work? Because, I mean, I've done my fair share of inner child work, but for someone that's never done. How many of you, I'm just curious, how many of you don't know what inner child work is? Don't really know what that means. Okay, yeah. Could you define it so well?

I mean, I kind of take it. I mean, I've done therapy with Dr. Schwartz. Like he's my therapist. When I'm in a jam, I'll be like, can we get on the phone? He's the founder of IFS Internal Family Systems and Gabor. Obviously I've become very lucky with my book and I can call Gabor or Dr. Ramany. And for me, inner child work is. And sort of how Dr. Schwartz explains it is that when something traumatic happens to us in our childhood and obviously all of our traumas are different, some are bigger than others, big T, small T, that we sort of get stuck in that age. Right. So when my abuse was happening at 3, at 4, at 5, I had gotten stuck in that age. So before I started really doing work on myself, I would react to situations as a 7 year old or as an 8 year old or. Because that's where I had gotten stuck and I hadn't dealt or gone through the therapy or the work to sort of uncover what that looks like. So, you know, now that I feel connected with my inner child and I talk about this in the book, like I used to see pictures of her, of my child self and just feel so angry at her. Like I didn't understand why she didn't tell, why she didn't fight harder, why she didn't do something. And now that I have so many memories, more than I. Sorry, now I can't actually say this to her because she'll get upset about it. More memories than I would necessarily like to have. I know now that she is the very reason why I'm here and that she fought for our lives and in order for her to feel safe. The biggest thing that I learned is that every time I was around my mother, because my mother had walked in on many occasions and saw what was happening to me. And because of many things, but mainly the grooming that my grandfather had done with, with her through the years, he would tell her to leave and she would. That my inner child, as a three year old, you know, saw that happen between my grandmother, my grandfather and my mother. And so my mother became unsafe to me from a very young age. So having a relationship with my mother, my inner child never felt safe. So when I did release my mom from my life, everything shifted. And that is the biggest part of the Inner child work that I've done was to acknowledge to her, you feel super unsafe with this woman. She's not willing to do the work I did. I mean, I've done and paid for because I became that person in my family. Especially when I got into stunt work. It was like, I used to be a dancer. I danced with Ailey. I, I was an acrobat, I was a break dancer. I didn't make any money for a really long time. So when I got into Hollywood and I started making a lot of money, I was like, oh, I can like, you know, buy a first class plane ticket for my mom and I can pay for us to go to therapy and I can do all these things and I can buy my sister a house, which is like I one of my sisters who, you know, actively doesn't speak to me and chose not to to tell me about my dad. I actually am on her mortgage, ironically, which is how twisted my family is. But I became that person. Like, I can fix all these things, but I couldn't fix all the things. It was the same thing that I grew up with, which is like, we're going to put on the dress and we're going to like put the bow in your hair and we're going to show everybody, you know out there that we're this perfect family when we were the most fucked up family on the planet. So giving her that safety of. I acknowledge that these people aren't safe and I'm not going to let them in your life. And also they're not safe for your daughter. My daughter. And I'm going to take them out of my daughter's life, which is what I did. That really shifted for me.

Right? Yeah. You know, I just have to say this because you're going through some things you're doing, which is really, I think beneficial to hear that is the term you're sick. As your secrets. When you can process disclose to healthy, safe people the things that cause you the most shame, embarrassment, grief, depression, terror and all the myriad of emotions and just release those. Dan Sullivan in the back has this term called strategic byproducts that is often used for business like analogy. If you're going to run a marathon and you're currently never ran a marathon before, and six months from now you decide you're going to run a marathon, all these things start changing in your life. Like you might start waking up earlier. You may quit drinking alcohol, not eating crappy food. You're going to start training because you're preparing yourself for this and the goal is to run this marathon six months from now. But all these strategic byproducts that are happening off to the side end up becoming far better and greater than what the goal you're pursuing in the first place. So when someone starts going down this healing path, you know, and I look at it as disclosure, all of these things that used to stress you out and mess up your life, all of a sudden they start getting dealt with. And so the goal is like, I need to deal with these, you know, this embarrassment and this shame. But when you do, there's all these things that you don't even realize are these great gifts that come from it. And what's interesting is, like, the way what I. When I. You know. And of course, we've talked about a lot of this. I know your story, right? But where I keep going deeper on is the letting go of the family. Like, how many of you have literally had to cut family out of your life because it's not fixable for you? And that's a really psychologically difficult thing to do in society. You know, blood is thicker than water, which is like a shortened version of not the appropriate. It's really not. It's like, you're. So. There's this belief that you gotta stay in these toxic freaking relationships, and it's reinforced. And so what I. You know, I think a lot of your freedom didn't just come from the healing, but just cutting off all of this shit that was like a hook in you for your whole life until you could finally have enough strength to unhook it.

And I think it's the fear, because we always gravitate towards the familiar. And when our familiar is toxicity, and then we remove it from our life, we're like, what now? Kind of thing. And so that can be really uncomfortable to sit through, but it's worth it to sit through. And I remember when I was writing my book and, you know, my family was, like, sort of. Everyone was kind of falling off, and Cameron and I were on a FaceTime call, and she said to me, kim, I feel like you. You know, because I met Cameron Diaz when I was. My God. We've been friends for almost 20 years now. She's like, I feel like you are, like, climbing over this wall and your family is just holding onto your ankles and you're not able to get them off. She's like, you need to get them off. And it was. I mean, it's a simple thing to say, but it's exactly what it was. It was like, I was halfway over the wall. But I was allowing them to keep like tugging or pulling me back and pulling me into situations. And when you come from a family like this, the. The adrenaline that your family gets is from drama. So whatever, you know, they create, whether, you know, it's. It seemed like in my family there was always some sort of catastrophe. And it wasn't the abuse, it was like some sort of other catastrophe. Everyone always had like some catastrophe happening. And I really realized that it was. They were self. They were creating it.

Right.

In order to feel the adrenaline that was associated with their pain.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and I. I've always prided myself in being pretty good. When I used to listen to music more frequently, I would listen to bands and I just would know if they were going to become big hits or not. And I was really good at it. And not that I ever. Like, if I was smarter back then, I would have been in PR or something and making use of it, but it was this stuff that I would notice. And I tend to see people and I'm like, I think this person's gonna. This is an up and comer. This is someone that's gonna make a significant impact. And I'm better at doing that with other people than I am with myself.

We all are.

Yeah. Yeah. I said it's much easier to deal with other people's marketing problems than deal with your own or deal with someone else's personal problems and deal with your own. And, you know, and I see you as a. You already are. It's not like you're going to be. I mean, your book has been a real catalyst for a lot of people and I love just helping to put your story out there because I think, you know, it's one of those things that I wish I would have heard this, you know, 25 years ago. It would have. My life would have been much different. Right. And I think more positive ways. So I think what we're doing is important work and I have to smuggle it into like business conferences and stuff, because if. Could you imagine trying to write a sales letter for this. Come and see this conversation. You know, we're going to talk about child abuse and all that, you know, and, you know, so. But your book, though, has been really impactful. And I just know from the last conversation, from the, the people that came up to me, that it is making a difference. So how do people. Let's talk about your event, since I'm everyone that's here, if you would like to come to it. It's on a Sunday. It starts at 10:00am in Los Angeles. It's 10:00am to 5:00pm It's October 6, which is a Sunday. If you can make it, you're welcome to come. I will be happy as you being part of this group to just pay for you to attend. And if you know anyone and you can't attend, but you know someone that could really utilize this because it's probably going to be sold out soon. Hopefully with my help too. Talk about that. It's.

Yeah, it was so interesting because I never thought when I started writing my book and actually my therapist, I think she had held out on talking to me about Gamora because she was afraid that I would cross over and never come back. Which is exactly what happened. She's like, have you ever heard of this doctor? He has such a. Anyway, I kind of went down the rabbit hole of his YouTube videos and then I was like, okay, I need to meet this guy, I need to talk to him. And so I sort of stalked him on Instagram and then realized he probably didn't do his own page. So I reached out to his son and then. Anyway, long story short, we were on a zoom that night and. And that changed my life. And sort of said to him, when I'm done with my book, can I send it to you and if it speaks to you? So he endorsed it. Never did. I think I'd be two years later doing an event with him. He's never done an event with a survivor before or any actual normal person. He just does events with other doctors. So this is a literal first time thing. Yeah, I think it's going to be really impactful for people to feel like they're being seen by someone who understands the trauma of what sexual abuse or abuse in a family system looks like. And then to have a doctor who can clinically speak to how these systems survive. And I think it's going to be a really great balance.

Yeah. And it won't be like a motivational business strategy how to build a marketing funnel. It's literally, it's, it's, it's all on. It'll be processing different stuff, but it'll be, I'm sure it'll be quite eye opening. And so, yeah, so that's, we kept.

It smaller, I mean, small for him because he usually does thousands. So we kept it that way so that we can bring people up if they want to, you know, talk with him, you know, and, and have a dialogue and be able to do that. Which is why we did it. That Way.

So.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Awesome. And so. And then there's your book. And then you want to turn this into a movie.

I do.

So this manifest that there's a lot of people here that would be, I'm sure, happy to offer, if nothing else, opinions. It could be good advice, but perspectives. They got a lot of smart people in the room related to that. And then how do people follow you on.

I only do Instagram. Like my. I ha. Well, I say my team. I have one woman on my team, which does all of my. Just especially with the event. Who I. I think I'm on everything, but I don't go. I don't even know my passwords. So I'm literally just on Instagram.

That's so funny.

Yeah. I don't know my passwords. She's like, so this is your, like, thing from X. I'm like, what? Yeah.

That's great.

Yeah. I don't even know my password. Password to Facebook.

Okay. And your Instagram is Kimberly Shannon Murphy.

It's Kimberly Shannon Murphy. If you look that up, you'll find it.

Yeah. Yeah. So any, Any final Anything. I didn't share that. Anything that's in your mind that I should have asked you that you want to talk about or just famous last words and words of wisdom for. For people that are.

No. I'm just so appreciative of you and all the things like, like this man's amazing. Everything you've done since we've met has just been. It's a lot of people in this space that are assholes like that have interviewed me, that I have, you know, gone on their podcasts that, I mean, regrettably so, not all. Some that have used, you know, it's really interesting. You do a two hour conversation and they take like a clickbait and put it out there and it's like crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the world of some marketers. And it's very interesting. And I think a lot of people go to seminars and personal development things that are very traumatized, very depressed, struggling with addiction, but they don't know that's what it is. All they know is that they're looking and they're seeking for something. And so I. I know that. And that's one of the reasons I have conversations like this. I mean, there's no way of me statistically knowing this, but I bet you, like, half of the people that will go to like a big Tony Robbins event are struggling with some sort of addiction or something. But no, you know, you're not going to power your way through that. Some things, you know, require force. Other things, it's surrender.

Yeah.

And it's learning when to push and when to pull and how to dance with it. But it all goes back to, you know, let's utilize. Don Woods. You know, if you understood the atmospheric conditions of somebody's life, it would make sense why they are the way that they are. And I believe as an adult, we not only can, as a child, you're at the mercy of the atmosphere, of the people that are the parents or the people that are the caretakers or the abusers, but as you become an adult, you can influence the atmospheric conditions of yourself, your family and others. And this room is impacting the atmospheric conditions of literally millions of people. You know, they're just this small group of people here. And if your own atmospheric conditions are stormy and gloomy and terrible and terrifying, how good of a job are you going to do out there and how happy are you going to be? So at the end of the day, my word is connection. You know, I just want to connect people with ideas, other people, other individuals, and hopefully along the way with themselves. And I think you are an amazing person that is connecting people unplugging from the toxic into the energy. Because so much of the world is just being dominated by out of control, traumatized narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. And you're an antidote to that.

Thank you. I hope so.

No, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely so. Thank you. Thank you, Kimberly Shannon Murphy. Thank you.

Okay.

I hope you found that video awesome and useful. So if you want to get a free copy of my book, I want you to click here. And if you want to watch some more videos that will be useful and awesome, click here. Go ahead. You're over here. Do it now. Come on. Thank you. Watch them.