The 5 Keys To A Thriving Relationship | Jim and Mimi Dew

Let me ask you, how many of you are in a thriving romantic relationship other than with yourselves, of course. Okay. Awesome. How many of you would like to be in a thriving romantic relationship if you aren't already in one? So let me get this right. If you're not currently in a thriving romantic relationship, how many of you would like to be in one? Okay. Handful. Yep. Now some truth is about to happen here. For those of you lucky enough to be in a thriving romantic relationship, how many of you would like to make that even better? Okay, I'd say that's probably about 15 people. Now you might be thinking, what does having a thriving romantic relationship have to do with money? Those of you who are in one know how much more creative you become, how much better you are at decision making, and how much more confidence and happiness you express. This translates into more money and success in your business. You also feel less stress and you become more effective in other relationships. If you're married and not in a thriving relationship and end up getting divorced, for the people here in this room, you know that's probably going to cost you a lot more than $250,000. That's why I've asked my longtime friends Mimi and Jim, who's also my financial advisor, to both share their secrets with you. Having known both of them for over 20 years and having observed their marvelous, truly, even with Jim, it's marvelous. 26 year marriage, their business partnership, and now as 25k partners, they have it figured out. Their title is the five keys to a thriving relationship. Please, please let me welcome my very dear friends Jim and Mimi Du.

I did not have good role models to show me what a great relationship could be all about. My father was very abusive emotionally and physically to my mother. I never wanted to get married.

I didn't have good role models either. My parents got divorced after 43 years of marriage because my dad was having an affair. So even if you had bad role models like us, or if you're lucky enough to have good role models, you can have a thriving relationship. And today, Mimi and I are going to share our five keys to our thriving relationship.

So please don't take any notes. We'll have a handout for you at the end.

Number one is deep communication.

Webster's Dictionary defines communication as a process by which information is exchanged.

We define it as exchanging meaningful thoughts, feelings and values through eye contact, active listening and personal touch.

We're going to give you an example of just like everyday ho hum communication. Something really not to do. Let's say I'M already home. Jim gets home, I hear him walking through the door. Oh, hi, hon. How's it going?

Good, how are you?

Just a second. I'm texting. Oh, I'm pretty good. What's going on?

Had a good day. How about you?

Oh, it was okay.

Yeah? Yeah.

What happened with you?

I talked to Joe. He's dating someone new.

Really?

Yeah. It'll never last.

Hey, could you feed our four legged son? For your son?

Yeah, sure. Thanks. You can do that? This. This is a better way to have deep communication. Same thing. I get home.

Hi, honey. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

Bit of a challenging day, but you know the meditation steps that Jason Campbell gave us from last meeting? Yeah, that's been helping.

Oh, good, I'm glad.

What happened with you?

Joe's dating somebody new.

Really?

Yeah. You know, I really like her. I hope it lasts.

You know what, though? He stays friends with all of his girlfriends.

He definitely does that. You can see the eye contact, the physical touch. It makes a big difference. It takes normal communication to deep communication.

I'm sure many of you recognize this royal couple who just got married. Well, they had to go through several rituals prior to their ceremony. We've done the same thing to enhance our relationship. Some of the things that you hear today may not be new, but more importantly, are you implementing them.

So one ritual we came up with we call coffee time. It's sacred time. Every Saturday and Sunday, we sit together, have our coffee in a room with no tv, no distractions. We hold hands, look in each other's eyes, and we talk about things like.

What we're grateful for, some of the big life's challenges we may be having.

And our triumphs, our successes of the week.

So what can you do? Block off time each week to sit close, look in each other's eyes, share meaningful thoughts and feelings with no distractions.

Number two is novelty or playfulness. And Webster defines novelty as something new or unusual.

We define it as trying things that are new, fresh and fun.

So one thing I came up with, we call the progressive dinner. So we'll go somewhere where there's restaurants close enough to walk between. And the great thing about the night for me is I get to pick what Mimi wears for the evening. Within reason.

Okay, I do not want that sliding there.

Seriously, you could dress me up if you want to.

Not like that.

Okay, bad idea. That's a bad idea. So we'll go first, maybe, and have an appetizer, have a nice conversation. Then we'll walk holding hands. To the next restaurant and have an entree. And then maybe we'll go to a third restaurant for an after dinner drink. But we always, always go home for dessert.

One of the things that I love to do is d so we created a ritual called the Friday night dance party to celebrate the end of the week. John, I know you're laughing. It's really fun. To celebrate the end of the week, one of us takes turns to pick out the music and we just dance all out for two minutes. We're going to give you an insight and we want some of you to join us. Are you ready? Come on, paul. Dreamer.

Come on.

There you go. Dima, You thought it would go on for two minutes, right?

Another thing we do is we take turns picking a place to vacation. And this could be exotic, like Bora Bora or something like Scotland or just a weekend getaway to a beach.

So what can you do? Date your partner. You want to deliberately schedule or else it's not going to happen. You want to also treat it like a first date. Put some romance into it. Dress up for each other. So that means, gentlemen, don't wear your clothes that you're going to hang out in at home watching a ball game. Ladies, leave your yoga pants at home.

In other words, don't dress like these stars. JLo and a rod. Dress like these stars. Genius network member Kevin Donahue and his fiance Jen.

They're such a beautiful couple. Okay, also, when you're talking, don't discuss things about the kids, things about the business, or what you need to do around the house.

So you may not know where to start if you take out those subjects. So on the back of your handout, we have 36 questions you can ask your romantic partner that will deepen the relationship. These are questions like, what would constitute a perfect day for you? Or what's your most treasured memory Number three?

Growth mindset, which was made famous by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck and what she says, the growth, mindset, love of learning, and resilience. So mindset creates a love of learning and resilience. Sorry, I'm like, that is essential and great accomplishment.

We believe it's constantly growing, individually and together.

One of the things that we did is create what's called the two person book club. So most recently we read Willpower doesn't work. Where's the author?

Right over there.

Oh, there's the author, Ben Hardy. We went over the highlights.

We also joined Genius Network together, so we share ideas and learn from all of you to grow even more we.

Also enjoy listening to podcasts. I love marketing.

Dean Jackson has some good things to say. Anyway.

What can you do? Explore new hobbies and interests.

Attend the Genius Network annual event with your romantic partner.

Don't be the same person as when you met. Continue to grow.

Number four is fight fair. Because everyone argues and disagrees, but if the fighting gets out of control, somebody could get hurt. Namely me. She's got a good right cross.

We define fighting fair as resolving conflict in a healthy and safe environment.

So to do that, we created something we call the rules of engagement. Simple rules, like no cheap shots.

Can'T use the words never hate or always.

Don'T criticize the things the other person can't change or control.

You don't want to fight when you're exhausted.

That's our four legged son right there, in case you're wondering. So here's an example of a bad way to fight. Not fighting by the rules.

I am so exhausted. I've worked all day. Nothing has been done around the house. You never help me.

I always help. And I've been working all day, too. What do you expect from me?

Always?

You're always complaining about this stuff.

Quit interrupting me. I hate it when you say it. Do that.

You know, maybe you'd be happier if we were divorced.

I know plenty of divorce attorneys in town. They're great ones.

That's true. She does know a lot of the.

Divorce attorneys that don't.

So here's a better way to fight under the rules of engagement. Same problem.

Honey, I'm really exhausted. I feel like nothing's been done around the house.

I'm exhausted too, and I feel like I help out a lot. What is it that you're asking of me?

All I'm asking you to do is one thing.

What's one thing I could do?

Full close.

I can do that. I can full close. Much better, right?

Following the rules of engagement number five, the two minute hug.

So there's actually science behind this, that your brain chemistry changes when you have a long, prolonged hug and connection with someone, so you'll actually feel closer with that person after doing it. So just to be clear, I don't mean cuddling and I don't mean making out like Shawn Stevenson and his wife Mindy. What I mean is a connected, deep hug like this. Okay, we don't have two minutes, but, you know, you get the idea.

Our challenge to you is to pick one thing. Start a ritual, agree to fight fair.

The two minute hug. And if you do any of those things, you'll find yourself having a relationship that started like this 26 years ago and is like this today.