The Ultimate Reframe: 6 Steps To Make Sure The Thing That Happens Doesn’t Bother You

You can't change the event and you really can't change the reaction of what's happening. But if you could change the label, the meaning and the emotion behind what happens, you have the ability to change almost anything in your life.

As a business owner, it is your primary job to influence others, to see new perspectives and make new decisions when it comes to using and purchasing your products and services. This is done through sales and marketing. We, when done right, stimulates and activates certain emotions in others at a neurological level. We have all heard the strategy to find people with a problem and solve them. But how much time do you take using the same strategies to influence ourselves and your own emotions? Imagine how much more effective you would be if you felt more on and were less bothered by day to day stuff. In your life. As an entrepreneur there is one guarantee. Shit will show up and if you let it, can get in your way and for certain slow you down. What if you had a simple process to use the same skills you used to market to others to rewire your brain? This next 10 minute talk is from Michael Bernoff who will share a process he calls the Ultimate Reframe. Six steps to make sure that the shit that happens to you doesn't bother you. Michael Bernoff is the founder of the Human Communications Institute, an organization that is dedicated to understanding and teaching the most cutting edge communication and and influence strategies. Michael has shared his strategies with countless business owners worldwide and most importantly has consulted and assisted many members of Genius Network in both Genius Network and Genius X which is our 100k group in all areas of life and business. So pay attention. You're about to learn his exact process. He has used for over 15 years on countless successful interventions to help people heal and be less bothered by the day to day stuff that happens in life. If you only implement one of these steps in any area of your life, you will notice the difference quickly. So please help me welcome my friend and always amazing Michael Bernoff.

Appreciate it, Joe. Thank you, sir. All right, thank you, thank you. And nobody tell Joel that I'm using slides today. I just want to tell you it's a new feature for me that I'm adding. So I want to make this simple. I know I'm up against that thing called lunch here happening in a couple of minutes. So I'm going to ask for all of your attention. And that's one of the big things that I typically teach people is how to grab people's attention for long periods of time. So I need it for about 10, 11 minutes. Right now. And I want to make certain that all of you walk away with a very, very powerful idea. Now, I had. Eunice had reached out to me and she said, hey, are you open to doing a talk? And my brain went into that whole mode, like I'm certain a lot of you do, where, like, how many of you do a lot of talks? Do a lot of you do talks? I had 100,000 talks in my head. And when she asked me, the guy with ADD at that moment, what do you want to talk about? I did the smartest thing in the world. I asked my wife, what should I talk about? And literally she said, let me think about it for a second. And she comes back, she goes, here's what entrepreneurs deal with. I know you always talk about influence, you always talk about sales, getting people to get their point across, stuff like that. Why not help people with the biggest thing that they deal with, the shit that shows up in our lives. And the majority of you, you're master marketers, you're really great at getting your point across. But how much time are you spending marketing to you to get yourself to be less bothered? Because isn't that what we do in business? Literally, you got a person with a problem, you hit them over the head a little harder, you sell them a Tylenol, and then you get them on auto ship. How many of you know what I'm talking about? That's our job. That's what it is we're here to do. But the question is, when something shows up in our life, how much time and energy are you literally taking? I'm going to question you. Here's question number two that she gave you the ultimate question. I'm giving you a question two and really ask yourself this very simplistic question is how often are you spending time rewording and recalibrating things in your life that may be slowing you down and possibly bothering you? So. So I'm gonna give you six steps here that are very simple. I use this for high level intervention work. Eunice has been to our event before and she's seen me do this where someone that's been raped or abused has a problem. 30 years of issues, and I get them to see it differently in 10 or 15 minutes to change their emotions. But there's little things that happen in our day that wind up being big challenges for ourselves. So I'm gonna give you a little synopsis real quick. I want you to imagine you're four years old again. Okay? You're four years old, three years Old, two years old. And don't be that person. That four years old was a bad year for my life. Pick a year. It doesn't matter. You're a little kid, and you're walking down the street, and there's a little hole in the ground, and you step in it, and immediately your parents says to you or someone next to you goes, you tripped. Are you okay? Now, before that, nothing had occurred. Your foot went in a hole. Immediately you were told that you tripped. Your brain says, tripped. When I trip, people get worried. Something must go wrong. Now, when Tucker was talking about earlier about jamming stuff down in our body that lives there for a while, you're starting to develop a little something called a pattern. Tripping is bad, and I get people's attention. Well, you're about 8 years old, and you're with your buddies, and you trip and you fall, and they laugh at you. Now, tripping is bad. You fell, people laugh at you. It's the wrong thing to do. Then you're 15 years old, you're playing ice hockey, and. And the coach says, we need to, you know, you need to do a drill you're not comfortable with, or you're doing gymnastics, something you're uncomfortable with, or you're in business at 35 years old, and you're wondering why you're the person that won't do something that's outside of your comfort zone and what the most stimulating thing for this, for me to think about is all of us have the ability to do this with others, but how much time are you spending working on yourself? So my challenge is I'll do my little seven minutes left of this talk. I'm going to challenge all of you even over the next month. Spend 7 to 10 minutes thinking about the word choices that you use in your life. And Tony brought up something a little bit ago, and I started reframing immediately because my brain is always in reframe, meaning when you said your challenge, like my person. My partner died, and I finally made as much money as I wanted to make in my life, and I'm more miserable than I've ever been in my life. I heard that and immediately started to reframe. So I'm going to use slides, and I'll see how this works. Here's a big sign we have in our office, and it very simply says, your future hinges on your ability to effectively communicate.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying this video. And I want to let you know that I have a new book that's come out, and if you'd like to get it absolutely free. There's a link below in the description. Or you can wait till the end of this video, or you can Simply go to joe'sfreebook.com and you can get a copy there.

Now, after reading the book about why I thought about this for a second and why we do what we do, is that I truly believe that communication is. Is the most underdeveloped and underutilized asset we have as human beings. Most people are miserable at communicating with other people and themselves. And when you communicate with yourself in a weak way, you typically get a weak life. So when I explain this to you all real quickly, I'm gonna ask all of you to realize this. How many of you have had some shit happen to you in the last week that's not what you expected? How many of you raise your hands, okay? How many of you in the last year have had shit happen? Okay. How many of you recognize that immediately when that shit occurred and it happened and your brain was searching for. What do I actually call this thing? Because you've never actually had that moment before. So, doc, you're going to get this immediately. I'm taking, like, sick man Freud, Sigmund Freud, forgive me. And I'm taking all of the work. I get that backwards sometimes. And maybe all of you will learn that if you actually put things backwards in people's brains, they'll learn to start seeing things differently. And you'll realize very quickly that one of the smartest things you can do is screw up during your presentation. So say something backwards or use somebody's name backwards, and they start questioning everything else, and they start questioning themselves. So pay attention to this because it'll make sense. So the first thing that happens is an event occurs. Little boy trips in hole, or just little boy foot in hole. Go on date. Somebody does something you didn't ask them to do, what happens is an event occurs immediately in our brain. Anytime we have an event occur in our lives that we've not experienced before, the brain almost immediately starts looking for answers. Oh, my God, what is this called? What does it look like? What does it do? And all that happened was an event. If you look the 21st of whatever the hell month this is got circled, there was an event that occurred. Tony made more money than he ever made in his life. His brain said, what do we label that? It's supposed to be a great day. See, my question for Tony is what Tony did was he set a plan for himself that said he set an event that one Day, I'm going to make more money than I've ever made in my life. And what that's going to be called is the happiest day of my life. It's going to be called the reckoning. It's going to be called the breakthrough. It's going to be called everything. I invested every dollar and every event ever in his life, and he told himself a story. Am I correct? We do this all the time. We put a label on something no different than I tripped. As soon as you get a label, the brain immediately gives it meaning. Now, what you said is, Tony said, I'm unhappy. What does that mean when I'm unhappy? Wow. Things in my life are not working out the way I want them to. Now, what's fascinating is, let me give you another example here, because I have six minutes. I'm going to walk a few people through this right now. Who here has had some challenge, something show up recently that's not like super complicated, like a divorce with a narcissist, but has anybody had something happen recently that's a challenge that wants to jump in, go quick. What's that? You gotta go quick.

I have a narcissist stepson.

Oh, geez. The narcissist again. Okay, very good.

Who told us that he wasn't gonna.

Come for Christmas Eve dinner? So let's go back again. So what happened is we had an event that happened. Somebody made a promise. Correct. Correct. Very good. And immediately somebody made a promise. So immediately you labeled it and you labeled it and said somebody didn't follow through. Correct. And immediately after that is. What does that mean? That means that that person is a liar. That person lied to me. That person let me down. Correct. Now, anytime you label something and you give it a meaning, which we all do immediately, all human beings do this in a matter of seconds. You can slow this shit down. I've learned how to slow this down. I'm out with my wife one day, and we ran into. We ran into a jumping cholla. How many of you ever done that before? A jumping cholla? Let me explain real quickly. If your wife's screaming and she goes, ow, there's something on my leg, don't always grab it because I grabbed the jumping cholla off her leg. Now my hand was stuck to her leg, okay? And immediately I'm looking at this thing, I said, wow, maybe this is telling us that we need to be closer or spend more time together or communicate better. And she's like, no, no, it's just a jumping cholla. Our brains, okay? It is a poisoned latent cactus. They call it jumping because they go in the wind. It's like a baseball. They're like, oh, look how cute that is. And I'll tell the story another time. How I try to get it off my hand like this. And then we were out for a run, and I tied my key to my shorts. You know how boys do that? And I put it down my pants so I have, like. So I had to, like, whole nother conversation, a whole nother day. But I created meaning out of it. So the whole thing with Tony, for an example, and I'll explain this in a minute, is what that means is. So what Tony created for himself is I set a goal for myself, just like you. You thought things would be different this time with this guy, so you lied to yourself. And then you start questioning, how often do I lie to myself? I got two minutes, and I gotta get to the point. So what happened with Tony is Tony goes like this. I'm going to. I'm just going to backtrack and we can. He had an event occur. I'm going to make this ultimate amount of money. He lies to himself, tells himself that this is going to occur. Then what happens is he labeled it, said, it'll be the best day of my life. He added meaning to it, said, things are going to work out great. But what then really happened is Tony basically said, but the meaning, what does it really mean, is that what else in my life is not working out the way I want it to? Or what else am I lying to myself about? So my question for you is a little different because I want to switch this back and I want to help you out a quick second is basically, who told you that making more money would make you happier? You did. Me? You came up with that. So basically, you were wrong. And you don't like being wrong because accountants don't like being wrong. So really, you're not bothered that making more money and you're unhappy. You're really bothered that you're wrong. Let's step ahead. Another thing. And what happens when you actually become wrong? We're just playing with this. And none of this is true. You feel something. You're wrong. You feel insecure. So then Tony's like, wait a second. Is my whole life bullshit? I told myself, if I finally get to this place in my life, I would be happy. How many of you are resonating with Tony's story for your own life? If you are, say I am. Anybody catching this? So what happened With Tony and I'll be done in like a minute. Okay, so what happened? Or three. So what happens is. Give me a second, it'll be worth it.

I just told her not to be because I know you're just being.

You're being Michael, I'm being Michael, and if not, I'm going to be a narcissist for a second. Fuck off. No, I'm just kidding. So what happens is Tony feels and he says to himself, Tony says to himself, wow, this is uncomfortable. I don't like this. And then what happens is he reacts and he goes, I don't know what to do. I go in my shell. This is what I typically do. And after we react for a while, what happens is you get a result. You get an unhappy person. I've watched that. Most of us look to change people's lives. We like to get them to pretend that the event didn't occur. And no, no, that didn't happen. It's one of the worst things you can say to somebody. And then we try to change the reaction of what they're doing. Like, stop doing that. I'm going to tell you all of the gem. All therapy I have read every. I have a library you couldn't even imagine on everything from psychotherapy to hypnosis, and you would name it everything that works out good. From Virginia Satir, one of my heroes. And all this great work basically comes down to a very simple thing, is you can't change the event and you really can't change the reaction of what's happening. But if you could change the label, the meaning and the emotion behind what happens, you have the ability to change almost anything in your life. See, when we were going over this list of what pisses you off, I use gradient language all the time. It's a term that I use. I don't really have things that piss me off. I have things that bother me. I have things that annoy me. I have things that frustrate the shit out of me. And I avoid the majority of those things. But why I'm bringing this up to all of you to really think about right now is most of you are looking to change your results this year and demand from yourself that you do things differently or you're looking to pretend those things didn't occur. If you could change the label slightly on what occurred, even the label, on being here. Ingenious. Even shifting the label, that I'm here to understand myself better instead of like, I have to get it. How many of you recognize you were Torturing yourself in genius network with the attitude of, I came here because I spent 25,000 bucks and I have to get it. If you're here to. I'm here to improve myself and find a few things that can make my life better. The emotion in your body starts looking for things differently. Your biochemistry changes. Your emotions change in a major way. So why I'm bringing this up is if I were to recalibrate Tony here real quickly, in less than 30 seconds, I would say, tony, basically what happened is you told yourself something was going to happen that didn't happen the way you wanted it to. Correct. And because of that, it made you a little bit upset. So it wasn't that you made more money. That was your problem, is that you actually did something you didn't expect to. You actually achieved something you've always wanted and you thought you'd have a different result. Correct. So you were wrong temporarily. And being wrong temporarily is not wrong permanently. So all I'm going to challenge you to think about is from that context by changing that one word. It changes everything after associated with it. So I'm going to ask all of you to play with your brains for the next couple days to think about this in any major way. I deal with this all the time. I had a woman that was held hostage for five days, and literally she was on a bus. And basically she said, four hostages. I'm in Israel. There's four hostages on a bus, and all of you hold yourself hostage from time to time. And she was on a bus in Israel, and there's four hostages, got her on the bus, kept her there for four or five days. I said, okay, so four hostages on the bus. I said, four got on, five got off. She goes, what the hell are you talking about? I said, what do you mean? She goes, you're not listening, Michael. You're being an asshole. I said, no, no, you don't get it. I'm confused. Four hostages got on the bus and four, five got off. She goes, is your math bad? Are you stupid? What's wrong with you? I said, I think I'm hearing you clearly. Four hostages got on the bus, kept you captive for five days, and five hostages got off. She goes, no. There was four hostages. I said, no, four got on the bus, you were there, and you decided to join them for the rest of your life. You're holding yourself hostage. You became a terrorist and you joined them. You've been terrorizing yourself for years. When she realized that she wasn't held hostage, that she was terrorizing herself. Her emotions changed immediately. She got back to me. I worked with her 10 years ago, changed her life, changed her relationship by one shift. In one word. It's like marketing. One shift. Joe could change one word in your context of your copy. Or Tucker, one word. Or yesterday, when he was talking about you and your changes, everything. So my question is, were you terrorized or are you terrorizing yourself? Okay.

I hope you found that video awesome and useful. So if you want to get a free copy of my book, I want you to click here. And if you want to watch some more videos that will be useful and awesome, click here.

Go ahead.

You're over here. Do it now.

Come on. Thank you.

Watch them.