👨‍🏫 Guest Masterclass: Public Speaking + Embodying Safety w/ Pim Ruhe

That's why there are a couple of.

Minutes before we dive in, maybe some late joiners today. The topic for today, the theme for today is that we're going to. In some way I call this speaking from the heart. And in another way it's, it's what I was describing more on circle. It's like embodying safety in public speaking. Because a lot in public speaking is about like I feel that my nervous system gets in a place in a state where I don't feel safe at all and where it's kind of, where it kind of more feels like a threat from the group and there's the possibility of your rejection or the possibility of judgment or anything like that. So that's why my nervous system is dripping. So today we're going to explore. I think I didn't, I didn't name it like this before but as John calls it like, as Johnny calls it, like a top down level of dealing with this. So kind of like a reframing, a cognitive reframing that makes you feel different about the safety levels in public speaking. There's the crane call recorder. As you might see, that's just like me recording the call. I can probably, I don't know, just to be sure I keep it in there. I don't know if it's actually recording to there or the zoom cloud, but I'll be recording this session so that auto other people can watch the replay. Is there anything, if you think about speaking from the heart, what comes to mind for you?

Authenticity, certainly. Sharing your emotions, what's alive for you in the moment. Daring to be vulnerable.

Nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And what would hold you back from, from speaking like that?

Yeah, the fear of judgment and rejection from others. And if something that I'm judging myself for as well and I dare to share it, I would be really sensitive to that.

Interesting. So if you already kind of like predict like this might be. Yeah, I'm judging myself so this might be unsafe to say.

Yeah, yeah.

And possibly a preconceived notion of an outcome that you're striving for that you worry that you're not meeting the intended goal by not being more from the mind than from the heart. Worrying that speaking from the heart is not sufficient or to reach the goal.

Yeah, I see. So, so kind of having the hesitation of like if I only speak from that place, like my dog will be like chaotic or like not make sense at all or it's just too fluffy or woo or anything in that direction.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.

Welcome, Anders.

Needing to keep the Persona alive, I've noticed that whenever I speak from the heart, it usually bypasses the act, and many times the act is afraid of that bypass. So in an attempt to remain in control of the act, many times speaking from the heart is repressed.

What do you exactly mean by speaking from the act?

Well, I feel that I can either be speaking from my head center, which is very. I need to be in control, and I need to make everything right, and I can. And I need to impress people and I need to say the right things. But when I'm speaking from the heart, it's more spontaneous and in a way, more dangerous for the act.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

I like it. So there's like, in. In all of your answers, there's kind of like this prediction of possible danger involved, which makes you feel a bit under threat right now. It makes you feel unsafe.

Yeah, exactly.

Nice. What we're going to do in this session is in the first part, I'm going to tell a little bit about this concept. Then I will guide you through a meditation, which is kind of like similar to a loving kindness meditation, but there's a subtle shift in. In how you're going to do this, and that has everything to do with the mindset you're going to take during speaking. And the fun part is we're going to explore this a little bit in this session. If more people join, we might go into breakout rooms to. To speak with, like, a smaller group. But if the group size remains like this, we. It's possible to just speak in front of everyone in the main. In the main room, which is pretty exciting. And even more exciting is I gave this a similar workshop to this a couple of weeks ago. And with this principle, you can just keep on applying it and keep on experimenting with it in the coming weeks. In social settings, when you're speaking in front of a group of people or when you're recording video, whatever, it's slightly counterintuitive, but it's. Once it clicks and once you dare to do it, it's pretty cool.

Tim, am I hearing that we're going to be exploring a method?

Exploring a what?

A method for speaking.

Would I call it the methods? I don't know. I guess it's like you can call it a method. I think it's. Let's just see.

Let's just see.

I'll hear at the end of the session if you would call it a method or anything else. Okay. I think most of the people who are going to join today. Have joined. So let's dive in. Like I said, there's, like, often that statistic of public speaking, right? People are more afraid of public speaking than dying. And I've never actually met people who said something similar. It's only from surveys that this comes forward. But anyway, there's a lot of fear around public speaking. And like I mentioned a couple of times, it's related to feeling unsafe in front of a group. And it's kind of related to a lot of. A lot of. Kind of like dark space of, like, you cannot meaningfully predict how other people are going to react to you, how they will feel about what you're going to say. And that's why you tend to, like, hold back a little bit, make yourself a bit smaller, maybe even, like, talk monotonous with your voice because there's, like, less variation. So people were maybe, like, a bit annoyed by you. If you're. If you come to this, like, too enthusiastic, they're not going to be annoyed by you. Or maybe you try to inject all kinds of facts because you think, like, people will think you're boring or whatever it is you're trying to guard yourself from kind of, like tripping up other people. And you close yourself from the start a little bit because you're afraid to be judged, you're afraid to be rejected. And it's not so easy to just say, like, oh, just be open. Just open up yourself in the talk and like, just have courage and go in there. So the guidance that I want to, that we're going to play around with today is kind of summarized by this. What if you knew that you were going to say was going to be met with unconditional love? What would you say if you knew you were going to be met with unconditional love? And it's kind of a funny thing because you cannot know that for sure whether people are actually going to meet you with unconditional love. Like, maybe they are annoyed or bored or whatever by you, or maybe they don't find you interesting at all. But it's about the mindset of doing that. Like, can I. It's about taking that leap of faith. Can I speak from that place where, from my perspective, it feels that I am currently met with unconditional love? Can I look at the people listening to me and feel their unconditional love? No matter whether they are actually, like, feeling unconditional love for me right now? It's about, can I open myself up in that way? And like, in a way it, like, I mentioned like it, it doesn't really matter at all that it's, whether or not it's, it's right or not, that it's, that's the case. Like it's, it's nice to get some confirmation sometimes from people like actually loving you or actually giving you approval or anything. But it's more about taking that leap of faith. And it's kind of like the trick, the method, what you're doing here is projecting self love onto the people listening to you and using that projection as a way to feel safe and to open up and to speak more. Like you want to speak more. Maybe more joyful, maybe you want to show up more, you show up more vulnerable and maybe that's more joyful to you, maybe that's more sad to you because you're talking about something sad to you. Or maybe that's just like wildly passionate about something because your, your, your heart ticks faster from, from like listening to that. I don't know what it is for you. There's no right way to, right or wrong way to speak vulnerably. But, but it's more about like this is what it enables for you. Once you feel safe in your body, once your nervous system calms down, I guess you could call it like once the, the. The what is. Remind me, what is the, the safe nervous state called? Vagal.

Ventral vagal.

Ventral vagal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once you're in ventral vagal, like how can you speak from that place? And the method retreating here is getting you there from, from like the top down approach. I know little about the breath.

I only know these ways.

So we're first going to do a little guided meditation and that will take about 10 minutes or so. And then after that we'll do so.

Speak some speaking in the main room.

If you can make yourself comfortable.

Maybe.

Do some psychs, some relief, whatever you do to get yourself a bit calm. And if you want you can close your eyes. But it's also fine if you keep your eyes open.

Whatever works for you.

I'll be closing my eyes sometimes, sometimes.

I open them up a bit and we start with a little tiny body scan. So if you put some attention in your hands at first, feel all your fingers and your hand, palms and the inside of your hands together. Maybe you, your hands are a bit cold or warm, sweaty or dry. Maybe you can feel your heartbeat in your hands. And now your entire arms, both your left arm and your right arm. And now place attention in your feet to start within the soles.

Of your feet.

And look for the same information. So are you putting pressure on your feet? Do you feel the ground? How do your soaked feel today? Can you feel all your toes? And take both your feet entirely in your awareness. We're warming up a bit and settling down a bit. And now feel both of your legs. And now your legs, arms, feet and hand all together. And also letting your entire torso in, your chest, your belly, everything. And go with your attention to your throat and move up to your jaw and mouth. Feel if your mouth is a little bit dry or good as it is. And now move your attention to your eyes and kind of like relax all the muscles around your eyeballs and your forehead. Also release some tension there, like you're unclenching your fist and the top of your head and your entire head. And now feel your entire body at the same time, every cell from the tip of your toes to the crown of your head and everything in between. You feel your heartbeat. And now think to some easy, lovable person in your life, maybe a good friend of yours, and visualize them in your head or just think about them. And what you normally do in meta meditation is now starting to send love to them. And for this experiment we're going to do the opposite. So feel what it's like to send love from them to you.

How does it feel?

Like if they are loving you right.

Now.

Find some part in them that is loving you right now. Let them make notes of approval or say some metaphrases like, may you be happy, maybe free of suffering, may your life be full of joy, but importantly, feel that they love you, even though it might not be entirely true. That's the leap of faith you are taking here and now. Include some other person in your life. You can even use their name. I don't know their names, but for me it's probably. It's for example, like Ian loves me. Yeah. And you can slowly cycle through some people in your life. They don't even have to be really close to you. Just picture someone. Picture someone in your life and feel that they unconditionally love you. No matter how you are.

No matter.

What you say, no matter how boring it is, what you say in the background, they love you.

And now the thing that makes this.

Much more real is the realization that.

They can both be bored by you.

And unconditionally love you at the same time. I call this a love and principle. They can love you and be bored by you. They can love you and judge you. It's about a sense or A type of background love.

So play around with that a bit.

In your head, in your visualization. Maybe they're laughing about you or.

Are.

Seemingly distracted a bit and they love.

You in the background.

And now picture in your mind a small group of people that you might.

Know a couple of them.

And feel that same background love coming from the group. And just play around with that visualization. And now you can all slowly open your eyes, look around in the group to everyone, let's turn the camera on. And for the next part of the.

Meditation, look people in the eye and feel the same.

So continue the experiment.

What does it feel like if you.

Knew this person was unconditionally loving you.

Right now, which might not be true at all?

Doesn't matter.

It's about taking that leap of faith.

And it's about opening yourself up in that way. What would it feel like if it was true?

I'm assuming you're asking for us to speak, that it would feel really safe. But when I really think about it, I feel that way. It's really. I feel an incredible comfort. And I'm not worried about what I'm going to say next. I'm just being right. And it's. And it's kind of nice just to exist and not worry about the agenda or did I say the right thing or what are they going to say? So it's real, comfortably safe.

Yeah. Amazing. And you don't ask anything from the.

People listening to you.

You don't ask them to unconditionally love you. It's just be showing up like they are.

Yeah.

Okay. Scott, do you want to be the first one to speak in front of.

The group and playing around with this mindset?

Yeah.

All right. Amazing.

Let me set up a timer real quick.

I will give you a.

Let'S see.

90 second timer and then I'll give.

You a topic right before you start.

All right. So what I'm sharing right now is the Ultra speaking game page. These are all public speaking games. I'm an ultra speaking coach. Public speaking coach for the last couple of years. This workshop is not from Ultra speaking. This is more my own coaching angle on this.

But I'm.

And still using a lot of their.

Methods and their games.

So right now we just go with a simple timer that I put on 90 seconds. And Scott and everyone else, if you can make your screen so that you mostly see everyone and only a tiny bit see the timer because that's not.

Really interesting, it's going to show up pretty big.

All right. And your topic Scott is going to be, ah, just tell us about what's important to you right now, what's important in your life right now and you can structure it a bit like a speech or anything, but more importantly, tell.

Us about it in 90 seconds.

One second. Take a deep breath, let it out, look once more around in the room and try to recall that same feeling. Like what if they, what if those.

People around here are unconditionally loving me right now? What would I say?

I would say that what's really important to me is connecting with myself so that I can show up better for others and then also create a safe environment that when we're engaging our true feelings, our true thoughts come out with no filters and then that would allow us to explore whatever the topic is and feel each other's compassion. But most importantly that why that's important to me is that I want to create spaces where people can discover themselves and then help me discover myself. So with that, the second thing that's most important is why I'm here today is also making sure that I'm working on my nervous system and I'm able to regulate and be aware when I'm shifting out of it or shifting in into it so that I can.

Create.

Space in order to determine how I feel and act next. And then the last part, that's what's important to me is I'm in a dual role where I'm a corporate 9 to fiver in a large corporation and then I'm also run a side coaching business around helping nine to fivers find life again. I'm tired of walking the halls of my company and seeing the thousand yard stare and I used to be that person. I want to help people move beyond that stair.

Nice. Thanks Scott. Good. How was it for you Scott?

Good. It was, was interesting because I started in a real comfort zone. I would get nervous and then I have a little chatter in my head of going come back, then I feel comfortable and then I'd get nervous again and then I could feel my body even though my body probably wasn't moving but I could feel the energy signature in me going open and then going, oh, you're exposing yourself, you're, you're out on a limb. So. Or you didn't rehearse, you didn't come in and write a script. So yeah, so it was nice to witness that and dance with that and not let it win. Let not let the scared side win.

Yeah, I see. And how, in what ways did you play around with like during your speaking Actively looking around the room, for example, thinking like, oh, they're. They're loving me right now.

Well, I started that way, and I think actually I didn't think about this, so I definitely started that when I felt it. Then I got nervous, and I kind of did my blind blindness where I can see you, but I don't see anything, so that I could not feel judged, I guess, to some degree. I never thought about it until you said, looking around the room, what I was doing when I was getting nervous or feeling unsafe, I would go in and there's kind of a valve I have and try to release it. And I could feel it in me. So it's like where I was. I think sometimes that requires me not to look at others, and it just requires me to kind of stay in the space.

I see.

Yeah. Cool. Nice. Okay. Thanks, Colt. Thank you for doing the demo, playing around with this. Who wants to volunteer next? First John, then Jogam Jochem. Let's go. Okay, John, I'm going to give you the timer again and pick something in your life that's currently relevant for you and tell us about it. And I will sometimes.

Let me draw a little hard on this.

I will sometimes, just as a reminder, show this. And that's your cue for just looking around in the room and feeling like, yeah, what if these people unconditionally love me right now? And you can do that while you're speaking. You can take a little breath and just look around, but actively try to take that leap of faith over and over and over again.

Okay.

All right. So take a good look around in the room, and I will give you 90 seconds. Let's go. Have fun.

Yeah. So I am at the people that appoint in my life. I. I am a resident in ophthalmology, and right now my. My residency has ended abruptly. I wasn't ready for it. I was planning on staying more there. And so I'm. I'm at a great moment in my life where I. I have identified as a doctor all my life, and suddenly that's stopped. I'm much more aware right now, and I know what I want, and medicine is not what I want to do, but at the same time, I. I want to discover what's there, and I. I really want to create stuff. So I'm experimenting with writing, and it's really hard for me to regulate my nervous system because I have so many stories. But we had the workshop yesterday, and it was about story, follow, state. So I see that by regulating my nervous system, I'm really able to write more from the heart and passionately and expose myself more vulnerably to others without caring so much about their judgment.

And.

And what's really challenging right now, apart from posting to the blog regularly, is, you know, digging into and experiencing my grief because this part of my life, the four years, were really intense, and I had an identity out of it. So I'm really intending to be kind to myself as I will as I'm going through this. This period of my life and this process.

Yeah, that's. That's it for me. Thank you for sharing. Nice, Nice, nice. Cool. Yeah, Tell us a bit about how it was to play around with the. With the experience of, like, feeling the.

Love from other people while you're speaking.

So at first I was, again, anxious, really anxious while I was sharing. I mean, it. It helped me ground and get back in the moment when I was getting in my thoughts. And it was nice when you were reminding me of that. Yet at the same time, I'm still resistance in that sense because I have a level of social anxiety. So I'm really used to being defended and expecting judgment. So it opens up, like something 3%. I'm willing to really explore that concept. It made me feel a little bit more safe.

Nice.

Cool.

Okay.

So important about this concept is what I got wrong first with this all, with kind of like, feeling unconditional love or like, sending unconditional love or, like, feeling it for other people or from other people, et cetera. What I got wrong was that I used it as a way to overrule whatever else was happening. When I was annoyed by someone, I was like, let it go. Let's just, like, love this person instead. Which is, like, not a very effective way of doing stuff because, like, then you start to resent people, et cetera, et cetera. But if you use it more as, like, okay, I am annoyed by this person and I love him or I love her, then it's pretty nice. So that's why I call it like a background love. And you can use the same from other people. So if you feel like, oh, well, people are, like, looking at me like this, probably they're judging me. And it's really hard to believe for me that they're unconditionally loving for me right now, it doesn't really matter because they can judge you and love you at the same time. And that's even the. The. The power of it. That's even why it's so valuable, because then it kind of, like, it enhances your Reality instead of like, overrules your reality. All right, who wants to be next? Jocham. All right, all right. Same prompt for you. Tell us about something that's relevant in your life right now that you want to share with the group. And just during your speaking, actively do the kind of like meta meditation from other people towards yourself and see what.

It does to you.

Take that leap of faith and have fun.

Thank you.

Where to start?

Well, one of the things that I learned the last two years and also by working with the amazing Joe Hudson, is that if I would, and I still am, sometimes if I'm speaking, I want to convey a message. I'm often very much in my head, and then I want to share that. And I'm very focused on how do I get an idea over to other people and what I often completely missed. And that's what I'm learning now and doing now. It's like there's so much happening in my body that's giving me real feedback that. That knows so much more ahead of what my head knows. And I'm very stubborn in accepting that my body often knows more than my head because that's what I have been relying on my whole life mostly. And now slowly I'm seeing that I'm trusting that source more. And it's exciting because it's giving me a new source of knowing about myself, about the situation, especially tension around my belly seems to be a very big focus point when it tenses up. I catch it now and I'm realizing before my head knows that, oh, wait, I'm in this state again. I'm not giving the free flow of what I would normally want to do. Something along those lines.

Yeah, nice. Good stuff. Good stuff.

Yeah.

Which really, what you were saying, which really reminded me of like, to even to enhance this kind of. And I don't necessarily know whether this part works. I do know whether the first part works, but the second part is like, you can even place some awareness in.

Your heart while you're speaking.

Literally place like a couple of percentage of your attention in your heart while you're speaking and while you're feeling the love from other people. Just as the experiment of like, oh.

What does it open up for me to say?

How was it for you, Jochen?

Yeah, good. Because I don't often get a chance to practice this in such a way. And this was the perfect opportunity to practice what I was talking about.

Yeah, nice. And what did it do for you to use that background? Love gyno.

It made me more. It Was more easy to stay in that zone, to not focus or tense up, focus on the message. Trying to get to from A to B and get the audience, so to speak, with me, but just staying on where I am now and well see, focus more on where I'm now with whatever is going on than already planning ahead of where I want to be a few seconds or a few minutes from now.

I see. In ultra speaking, we have this principle called stay in character, which is kind of like the foundation for. For speaking. It's what we always tell students to do. Like, no matter what you do, stay in character. And it means a couple of things. One, it means when the timer starts, you stay in it until the timer ends. So at no point you're like, oh, sorry, I don't know what to say. Can we restart, for example? You don't do that. You just stay in. Also means you don't necessarily show that you're anxious or that you don't know or that you're in chaos inside or whatever. And that sounds a bit like forced or overruling in the beginning, but it's more because a lot of people just have that as, like, unconscious habits of, like, constantly signaling their doubts to the audience already. And it's not even. It's not advantages for them. It's just like habits. And this is a way of making you aware of those habits of like, oh, well, what if I don't signal that to the audience? Because if you already signal that to the audience, you already give them a lens of judgment, so they're already going to judge you because they're like, they don't really know what you're talking about. And it strikes me that, like, this approach of constantly feeling the love from other people is kind of giving you the same without telling you to stay in character. Because every moment you want to break character, as we go with, it's kind of the same moment where you lose touch with the love from other people going to you. You break character because you think other people are judging you and you want to, like, show that you're. Yeah, you know, I'm also judging myself. Like, you want to show something like.

That.

To kind of guard yourself. And this is. This is giving you the same without making you do anything. It's kind of a more inside out approach.

So that's a fun way of thinking about it.

Mert, do you want to go next?

Yeah, sure.

Nice. All right. Have a good look around in the room. Settle down a bit and actively open up to the love from other People and feel the background love for other people.

All right.

Okay. Same prompt for you. Tell us about something that's important in your life right now.

Okay. I kind of challenged myself to not think something beforehand. I wanted to see if I can stay here a bit without knowing what to say next. But if I think about it, I mean, similar themes are relevant for me right now in my life, that is mostly related to my body, like, what I feel inside. Because I've been living my life in my head since I started getting therapy, I believe, like, two years before. And then I'm trying to connect myself more and more, but it's hard. I mean, like, this exercise, the assumption of people loving me is something so, like, unique for me because I don't love myself in daily life. Most of the time, I'm mostly disconnected, and I rarely remember to go into my body, but here I am to learn to go into my body, feel the love. Thank you.

Yeah, nice, man, that rocked. Nice and nice and very dope that you challenged yourself to not think about. Not think about anything before you were going in this. Nice and nice. Tell us a bit about it. How was it for you? What did it do to you?

Well, it felt. It felt vulnerable. I'm not sure. I usually don't know what it means. And sometimes something happens and I feel relaxed. But that was. I don't know, I blushed a bit, maybe I felt warm, but still I was relaxed and I tried to pull myself into that space. Actually, I. Oops, I have my own paper. It felt good. It was like a flow. I would say.

Nice, nice and nice. So this is something. This is like some mindset or an experiment that you can. That you all can just take in with you in the weekend or today or. Or whatever, like in the next coming days. Because it's pretty fun to do this with. With, like, around other people as well. It enables you to. To maybe, like, start speaking at different moments, say different things, open up about different things, or just, like. Because it doesn't have to be. There's not one kind of vulnerability. It can also be like, oh, maybe I'm a bit more joyful right now because I feel that other people already love me.

So.

Or maybe talk about this silly anecdote because, yeah, who cares? Like, other people already love me.

Actually, I was planning to talk about a stupid computer game I'm playing for one minute and a half just to, like, bore your. I don't know, Like, I wouldn't do that. Right. It's impossible. But, yeah, I like the Idea.

So would that have been scarier to you, or would that have been the safe option?

No, it would be scarier, I think. Like.

Do you want to do that anyway so that I give you the timer again? You talk for one and a half minutes about this computer game. Doing the same exercise right now or after? No, right now.

If everyone's okay with it. Yeah, sure, let's do it.

Let's do it. All right. Okay. I will share my screen. And now it's even more important. So just look around in the room and take that leap of faith again. Take it over and over and over again. What if everyone in the background unconditionally loves you?

Okay. My first instinct is to go on meta and how I feel about talking about the game because. Okay, I'm doing that. Okay. The name of the game is Hunt down. It's a 2D platformer, and you jump from platforms to platforms, shoot bad guys, and you have, like, three options, three characters you can choose from. They're basically.

Okay.

This is. I'm judging myself in my head.

Okay.

Sorry. Okay. Okay, I'll go a bit meta. Because the game has different difficulties and one difficulty that you have that you can achieve, 100% achievement thingy. In order to get that, you have to complete the game without taking a hit. Like, it's a seriously, like, hard thing to. And you have to practice for hours and hours. And I'm doing that. And I feel. I'm trying to feel okay about it because I love it. And actually, that's. That's about it. Yeah. Fuck, I don't like this.

Thanks, man. Sorry for throwing you under the bus.

I'm sweating.

Amazing. Love it, Matt. Thank you very much.

That was awesome. I wanted to say that was great. It brought a lot of warmth to me. It really did.

Glad to hear that. Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks, Mert. Thanks, Martin.

Thank you, all of you.

All right, who's next?

I'll give it a shot. All right.

Take a deep breath. Look around the room. Send yourself some meta.

Meta, meta.

Go.

Same prompt for you. What's important to you in your life right now? What do you want to say to us?

I want to say that my heartbeat is going really fast and my hands are sweaty, my feet are cold. And I'm speaking from a place that it's not premeditated, so it feels scary to do this. Saying it relaxes me. And I'm noticing that my posture is getting straighter. It feels good to consider that the part that. Which I'm speaking from is a part that Everybody else in this room has and that I'm not speaking to the faces that I'm seeing, but rather to what's behind the faces that are looking at me right now. And it's a bit of a trippy effect because I'm in this search of discovering who am I, what am I, what's really going on? And I feel I'm on the horizon of seeing that in others. And if I see that in others, then there's really nothing to worry about because the ego or the personality is really just a mask that we're all using to cover a thing that we all have inside.

Yeah. Nice, nice, nice. All right, quickly tell us how that was for you.

Yeah, that was beautiful. It started with a lot of, like, tension and, like, nervousness, but as I acknowledged it, instead of hiding away from just, like, relaxed.

Yeah.

And then this, like, flow of words that I really resonate with just came through. Thank you all for listening. Yeah.

Amazing. Thank you, Paolo.

Thank you.

All right, Swatimohan. Do I pronounce that correctly?

No, it's just. It's just Swati.

Swati. All right, you want to go next?

And.

Same for you. Deep breath. Look around the room. Feel that background love, which can exist next to judgment and boredom and everything, but also in the background love for you. What's important to you right now in your life?

Tell us about it.

Right now, what's important to me is getting comfortable talking with people again. I feel my heart beat in my throat. I used to talk to a lot of people. People and all kinds of people when I was young.

And.

Over time and through the pandemic, I became very introverted and stopped listening to. Wanting to. Yeah. Listen to other people and. And started listening to my own voice a lot. And so now I'm in the moment of reconnecting with my old self and. And also connecting with. With things that, you know, resonate with me. And so it's been. It's been a long journey and. And I'm still learning. And so that's what's important to me, reconnecting with people and myself. And I have 1640.

Good.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you, Swati. Nice, Nice. That was really cool, and it felt really heartfelt.

Thank you for sharing in that way.

Anything quick that you can say about this.

It's different. The lens with which I see it when I can feel the love that I'm getting from people as opposed to being conscious of their judgment and my judgment on top of that, so it feels easier.

Nice.

Cool.

Oh. Oh.

I Want.

Good to hear. Nice. Nice. All right, Anders, you're the last one. Let's go look around the room before you start. Send some matter to yourself and try to reconnect to that over and over again.

Let's go.

Yeah. So I thought I would talk a little bit about one of the angles of me being. Being here today and being involved in this thing that we are all in and it's my children and how. Yeah. It resonates with the things that you've been talking about. Pim. Some of the emotions there and challenges about acceptance and self love even perhaps self acceptance at least. And by both being there for my children when they need me and not away in my head somewhere, that both helps them in the now, I believe. And also it helps them by me being a role model and modeling a self loving outlook or behaviors or things like that, which is I think one of the more, more important gifts I could give them.

Oh yeah. Nice. Thank you. Thank you.

Cool.

What a way to end. Can you tell us a little bit about how that was for you to experiment with this principle?

Yeah, no, I. Very, very strong feelings of. I think of it as sort of tunnel vision of, of.

Yeah.

This sort of the people disappear and there's just me trying to, to, to. To build something in my head that it doesn't want to be built and I'm just getting. Yeah. Tangled in something and how to sort of move away from that. Let that go and, and, and come back. It's a, it's a challenge and a very interesting exercise.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, that's.

That'S exciting to speak about as well. We don't have a lot of time. More. We're at the end of like the official workshop. But I, I can stay around for, for like five more minutes or so. If you still have questions about this. There's one more thing I'd like to.

Say about it in general.

Oh. I now realize I was hiding the videos of people who didn't have their videos on. So sorry if I'm skipping on you.

For also talking in front of the group. If there are people without video on.

I'm sorry, next time. What I want to say about this all is experiment with this because it's the most fun in the real world. And also keep in mind that it can be as background love so you don't have to use it as a way of overruling what's happening. And it's important because what you're going to see is you're experimenting with this and Then someone is distracted, they are not paying attention or annoyed by what you're saying, or bored or whatever. And you're like, oh, this doesn't work at all. And it's like super unpleasant to do this. That's why it's not something you do once and then it's a new mindset. It's something you have to do over and over and over again. And in my experience, if you keep your heart open, and by that I mean if you keep feeling their unconditional love, sending them unconditional love, practicing with stuff like that, it's. That's during their rejection, during their judgment, during their distraction, etc. It's then you allow it to be something you can grow from. But if you close yourself off from it, it's going to be very hard for you because you want to avoid it over and over again. It's to quote, to quote Jochem and mine, favorite, favorite teacher, Joe Hudson. Every time you allow your heart to break, it increases your capacity to love. I think Joe will also is going.

To give a workshop next week or.

The week after that.

So make sure to attend that.

The summary of this workshop is what would you say if you knew you were going to be met with unconditional love? And there's just one as a kind of like a, like a little bonus extra. There's one thing which is kind of a similar mindset but from a bit different angle, which is like how can I behave with more agency in the world? How can I do things with more agency as a higher agency person? And for that you can use kind of the same methods. Let's go to method and use the question what would I do if I knew I had permission? I've been playing around with that this week and it's extremely funny. Also in the small things like well, find it out for yourself. But it's something, some fun similar mindset that I wanted to give you as some kind of bonus that also. That also has a similar opening up effect.

Tim, what are these the two you just mentioned?

The questions?

Yes. What happened if I would give myself permission?

Let me paste them in the chat.

Yeah.

What would you do if you knew you had permission? Cool. Any, any questions?

Anything on your minds right now?

I just said. Sorry.

Go ahead, Pablo.

I was just gonna say thank you to everyone. This was amazing. Thank you for holding the space and for participating and for wanting to be here. Thank you.

Likewise. I just had this funny insight that connects with what I said earlier. I'm so often from the Mind that when I'm speaking, I feel like what I have to offer is something along the lines of knowledge.

So.

So I think that's what I have to offer my audience or the person I'm speaking to. And now I'm just realizing as well that. So more beautiful if you can offer whatever it is you're offering from that place, because it's just so much more genuine and authentic and colorful. And I saw it in all of you when I was listening to you, and I wanted to also. I'll jump in right. Right away with, with Scott, I noticed what you described, like, going in and out and. Or playing with it. I could feel that as a listener. And I began like, oh, I want to hear more. And then I. And then I heard a bit more story. And then I was. I was not losing focus, but it was like. And then it was more you again. And I was like, oh, nice, there's. And I could feel that attraction, magnetic attraction to your story. And I'm like, fuck. That is what I'm missing myself so often is that I'm so focused on a message or knowledge or concepts that I want to get across. And what a waste sometimes of bandwidth to just focus on that without the genuine felt.

That really resonates with me. It's an area I'm working on. And we do have to remember that I just had a session on this, this week, and that knowledge and structure played a really important role earlier in my life when I was insecure. So that's how I studied and got through grad school and got into companies to work. But I also realized it's limited me. Right. Because I'm always worried about showing up as the expert versus showing up as Chris or Scott and what I can bring to the table. So thank you for sharing that.

Yeah.

And I also really like the way you're putting it. Like, you're only using a very limited amount of bandwidth to, to, like, transfer something.

Yeah.

Can I ask something as well?

Yeah, please.

Yeah.

So my, My, my resistance is that, okay, sometimes when you're in a setting, someone maybe make fun of you or say something that might be insulting. So I'm. I'm afraid of adopting this mindset or diving in that leap of faith out of being left susceptible to attack or something like that, because I have experienced it a lot in my life, so I have a bias and, you know, my. I have a wall. So it's. It's kind of hard for me. So I'm. I was thinking about what, what's your take on that.

So I would say don't do it all at once. If you feel you're in a situation where it's like super hard for you to do all at once, then don't. You don't have to do it. You can do it in very small ways. Like maybe over there, just let the love in, but let yourself be a bit more enthusiastic about something that you're telling, for example, but kind of like tiptoe your way in there. And maybe in other groups with friends you really trust there, you can do it like all the way or you can do it like to a larger extent, but you never have to do. Do it all at once at the same time. And what you can also do, what I really recommend also doing is using the meditation, what we did before and doing it like before going into a social setting or after going into a social setting and kind of like seeing that social setting in front of you and feeling what it does to you. If you also feel that background love and also. But that's like advanced stages. You can play around at that point at those points of like, okay, what if I. What if those people are making fun of me and you don't have to do it while you're with them, but like in a meditation setting, like, what if they are making fun of me and I still feel they're loving me and I still love myself and I.

Feel love for them.

So seeing what it does to like, keep your heart open while they're, While they're, While they're laughing about you or while they're making fun of you, but you never have to do that all the way at once. You can just dipto your way in there.

Yeah, that's helpful. Thank you.

Yeah, I just wanted to maybe provide a little bit of context around a comment I wrote in the chat. But it just. When you were speaking, Pablo, and also you, Matt, that after, after you guys spoke and Pim, how you described the, the way in. In which you could be playful with it. And I just imagined going. I mean, it doesn't have to be a challenge with a goal, but just going up to someone who's not. Not really, you know, not. Not. Yeah. Interested or ready to accept your message and then sharing the message or telling him something. I. I just. I just. I don't know. Just the idea of that was so interesting to me. So, yeah, I just. Thank you.

Yeah, that's really nice.

Any last comments before we end the call?

Comments or questions?

Happy, happy talking, everyone.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And just One thing, if I can for Mert, especially the second talk on the game when the moment you said something about how hard it was to do a certain part of the game and you were kind of like apologetically saying, like, it's kind of. I don't know, I think you were trying to say it's kind of stupid that I'm focusing on that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, tell me more. Like, don't stop now. I'm just pleased this is where it gets interesting. Like, this talks about this and it's funny where you said like, where you wanted to go. Like, yeah, sorry about maybe this part. It's a little bit silly. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I. This. Yeah, please. So just funny the. The how it might be received compared to how. What you think of it.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So if it is so outrageously challenging or like, why would anyone do it? Why would you do it? It makes it that there is. That there is interesting things going on there.

Yeah. I guess in my life I want to talk about these things and like the game. I want to talk about the game and sometimes I do to people, to talk with the people. And like, I think before they judge me, I judge myself. Like, this happened today also. Like, I'm already. Make it. Make it a challenge. Like I'm not telling you from that unconditional, loving place. Like a child describing his or her game to a parent.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll think about it. Thank you for the feedback, by the way.

Thanks for bringing that up as well. Jochim and Mert like responding to that because that is kind of truly the leap of faith around this. And it's also like the concept that's making people stuck in this of like. Like you say, like you say yourself. Like you say yourself. If you. If you already judge yourself, it's way likelier that other people are going to.

Judge you as well.

You kind of like say that to other people already. Like you invite them to judge you.

Yeah.

A signaling doubt.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you all very, very, very much. I will post. I will send the recording to Johnny and he will post it on circle. If you are not okay with some part of the recording or anything, just let me or Johnny know and we'll see if we can cut it out. Otherwise you'll see it on circle. And yeah, very happy that you joined, that you are all willing to demonstrate in front of the group. That was really cool.

Ciao.

Thanks, guys.

See you around.

Have a great day.

Bye.