I am obsessed with weight loss… | What I Eat in a Week to TRANSFORM My Life Beyond the Scale in 2022

It's really unique. Who is she? She's a girl who's been trying to lose weight. A girl who wants to drop from 60 kilograms to 57, or ideally 55. She's a girl who wants to look like that girl over there. No, actually, she'd prefer to look like this girl. Anyone but herself. She's a girl who tells herself, "I want to be strong," but really, she's aiming for skinny. Just enough skinny so she can finally wear a two-piece bikini. So, who is she? Well, she's a girl who wants to lose weight. A girl who still doesn't understand her worth beyond the scale. In 2021, I told myself, this year is going to be different. I'm going to change myself, my body, my mind, and be a better me. I told all of you how I was going on a journey of a lifetime, fitness journey, to tone up, get strong, find self-love, and most corn leaf balance. I shared all these wishes in the hopes that I would achieve them, become a new and improved version of myself. But I became the opposite. Less strong, less lean, less satisfied, and more than anything, confused. It's almost 2022 and who am I? Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself. Maybe I'm always reaching for a level of perfection that doesn't exist. You know, all I really want is to stop making weight loss all I care about. I'm obsessed with my weight. Maybe because I know it's really the only thing I can change to make myself more prettier, more attractive, more liked. They always tell you, "Be yourself. That's all you really have to do. And the right people, the right path will come." What if being yourself isn't enough anymore? What if in this society we need to blend in with the rest, portray a perfect self so we don't get stepped on, mistreated, misunderstood? What if— Stop right there. Julia Fedorin, your what-ifs are getting out of control. They're killing you, ruining the moment. Just live in the present. Calm down. Breathe. Hi guys, welcome to another what I eat in a week as well as a week in my life at university, which by the way is almost over for the holidays. It's crazy to think I'm already done with my fall term. Time really does fly. It's kind of scary, but I'm equally excited. I can't wait for this new chapter of life to unfold. Every year is a mystery, a new adventure. Each of us become a little more mature, a little wiser, a little stronger, and hopefully a little more resilient. I mean, with everything that has happened, I'm positive we've all gained a little more mental strength. <LYRICS>—who left me out of commas 'cause my skin—</LYRICS> With 2022 on the verge of happening, New Year resolutions are probably flooding in your head. You're becoming motivated, determined to finally change something. 2022 will be my year. Funny how we say this every damn year. Every year we're hoping to be better, hoping to change, to transform into someone like never before. And every year we tend to fail or our accomplishments don't end up satisfying our expectations. He was dragging on and knew it. In 2022, I'm done making promises. I'm done setting these unrealistic expectations for myself. For one, one of my big goals in 2022 is to stop making it seem like losing weight is all I care about. I've realized there's more I want in life than shedding a few pounds. I want to be kinder, more attentive. I want to stop overthinking, overanalyzing things. I want to stop creating problems that weren't even there in the first place. And most importantly, I wish to stop living for the future. With the new year coming up, we're all looking for ways to enhance ourselves both mentally and physically. The truth is we're all struggling with something. We all have problems we want to fix. If you think you might have a health issue and you just can't really figure out why, your gut may be to blame. Let's dive into a bit of science. Your gut contains trillions of bacteria, both good and bad, that live in your digestive tract. This is also known as your gut microbiome. In a normal gut microbiome, bacteria are in balance to keep things running smoothly. The good bacteria help with digestion and they also keep bad bacteria in check. However, when there's not enough good bacteria, then the bad bacteria starts to flourish, and this is when you start experiencing symptoms such as bloating, abdominal pain, skin blemishes, a weak immune system, and this all leads to downfall of your overall happiness and well-being. I feel like we don't really pay much attention to our gut health, at least I never really did, which is unfortunate because your gut stores nearly 80% of your immune system and nearly 90% of your serotonin. And serotonin is a key hormone that plays a significant role in balancing and regulating your mood, appetite, sleep, memory. So yes, your gut is a part of you you need to take care of. And the good news is, Ombrilab makes it really easy to measure your gut health with an at-home test kit where you send off a stool sample, aka poop, in return for results and a detailed breakdown of your gut microbiome, what health issues it may be causing, and what foods you you need to consume more or less of to improve your health. I'm kind of nervous to get my results back, no clue what they're gonna say, but I'm hoping for the best. Anyways, if you have a gut feeling— no pun intended— that something may be wrong, you're experiencing some of these symptoms right here, or you just want to find out how your gut is doing, make sure to visit tryombre.com/juliafedorin to get $30 off your test. I could honestly start talking about so many different subjects, from relationships love, stress, insecurities, but I want to focus this video on weight loss and my obsession with it. Yes, I've said it, I'm obsessed with wanting to lose weight. And this obsession has always been a part of me. It's a part of me that, I guess, makes me who I am. Once forgotten, they feel— If you've been subscribed for a while, you know that I've had a weight loss goal ever since the beginning of 2021, but I became a lot more vocal about it in the spring before summer break. I wanted to see the scale go down from 60 to at least 57 so badly. It was all I was aiming for. I genuinely thought it was the missing puzzle piece to my distress. But I was struggling. I was hungry. Food was too freaking good to miss out on. No matter how big of a goal I had, clearly it wasn't serious enough because I kept eating and eating and eating. Maybe because I felt empty in my heart and food gave me warmth. It gave me comfort. All that negativity aside for a little bit, right now as I'm talking, I feel satisfied. I feel at peace, the most at peace I've ever been. Everything seems to be falling into place. My weight might have stayed the same. I don't really see a huge difference in my physique, but I can most certainly say my mindset has massively improved. I'm starting to see a brighter hope for the future. I'm starting to form closer relationships with others, and I genuinely enjoy being with other people now. I want you to know that things are only getting better from here. I didn't think so back a year ago, but as long as you keep an open mind and heart, you're going to start seeing your life transform in the most beautiful ways. It's hard to really explain how, but when it happens, you'll just know. You're more than a sunshine. Okay, now let's go back and analyze this obsession I have with weight loss. Insecurities around my size has been a burden of mine I've carried ever since childhood. The truth is I didn't have many friends ever, and when I did, they left before I could really open up and form a solid and right relationship with them. I've had a few people I could call BFFs at some point, but the best friend forever notion didn't last, and I blamed myself for it. From as young as 12 years old, I didn't think I was cool enough for attention. There was always, always someone way more awesome right next to me, someone who deserved to have more friends. Someone who was so much prettier, so much skinnier. And still to this day, I wouldn't call myself popular or really known among my peers. I'm just another person passing by, but honestly, I kind of like it that way. I'm used to it. I remember in middle school, one of my big wishes was to become popular. I mean, my search history was filled with "how to be popular at school," "how to have lots of friends," and "how to get people to like you. Let me just say, I was a massive people pleaser and I still kind of am, but I'm glad to say it's become less of my personality. I'm slowly understanding that if someone doesn't like me, it's not my problem. The reason I'm so obsessed with my weight is because I thought it was the only thing that would make me more liked by others. Straight and simple. That's the reason. I, look, I wasn't pretty. I had acne. My hair was always in the weirdest hairstyle. My clothes weren't girly enough. And as a child, I always felt judged by that. You know, I just realized, no matter how lonely I felt on the school playground, no matter if people didn't really understand me or if I wore out of the ordinary clothes, no matter all of that, the one thing I did was stay true to me. I didn't hide or try to be anyone else. I feel like I was definitely the weird kid at school. I didn't fit the standards other girls had. I didn't wear any makeup. I didn't have the most fashionable style. Style. I was just being who I wanted to be. But as the years went by, I became a lot more self-conscious. I started hiding my true self because I noticed it wasn't enough. Being myself didn't make it easier to find friends. It didn't make me feel less of an outsider. Why couldn't the world just accept me? Maybe the world did try to accept me, but I was too busy, too blind to notice it. Maybe to be accepted be accepted by the world, I needed to accept myself first. But wait, isn't self-acceptance being true to yourself? In my opinion, being who you are and accepting who you are are completely different things. While as a child I was who I was without hiding it, subconsciously I didn't accept it. Deep inside, I was still worried about what other people thought. I never really truly felt relaxed. I was myself only because that was the only person I knew how to be. As a kid, I didn't have anyone to compare myself to other than, of course, people around me. But the more exposed I was to the social media world and the internet, the more distant I was from me. Why be me when I can be Anne of Green Gables or my favorite character, Judy Moody? Why be me when I can be Linda Sun or that smart girl in my grade 11 biology class? Hi guys! I'm tired of talking about weight. Weight loss, weight gain. The more I talk about it, the more I seem to care. But you know, talking about your problems can really help. No matter how many times you've talked about them. And even better, talking about them can help provide others with reassurance that they too are not alone. That's why I want to say thank you guys. Thank you for allowing me to share my jumble of disorganized thoughts, thoughts that may not align with yours. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to me. You guys are honestly like my therapy, and if it wasn't for you, I would have already drowned. Sunk to the bottom with a heavy anchor of all the things I never expressed crushed on top of me. It's getting close, out of control. Creating videos is officially an outlet of mine. It gives me purpose knowing that I might be helping a few of you in some way. My channel might be growing slowly, it might not be as successful as others, but it's special to me. If someone were to tell me to quit it or worse, delete it, I would honestly break down and cry as if someone just passed away. Removing this channel is like removing a part of me. It's removing memories and moments I wouldn't have remembered any other way. Hey guys, we got these different types of raisins from Yummy Market, and I— okay, you guys, I love raisins so much, so we're gonna give these a try. These are the golden raisins. Mmm. Next up, we're trying these green raisins. Very good. As a little snack, I'm gonna have this chocolate-coated sweet cheese snack. In Russian, it's called fadushchoka. Mmm. Being obsessed with weight loss for me goes deeper than just being obsessed with weight loss. It's more than what the surface can show. Being obsessed with weight loss is when you lose your passion for life, when you lose your worth, when you aren't happy with yourself and your personality. Looking better externally should fix everything, right? Well, it doesn't. It never will, no matter how far you go into convincing yourself. Let me ask you a question. Would your life turn around if you achieved the body of your dreams? Would you never feel sadness again, be more productive, achieve all your goals, and live a successful life? As much as we all want this to be true, in reality, the body of your dreams will never fill the empty void, will never be the solution for a better life. Even though I still to this day keep telling myself I'll be a lot more happier if if I look leaner and stronger like some other girls I see on Instagram. There's more to happiness than what the outside can show. How I look has become such a big obsession of mine. And the more I care about it, the more insecure I become. It's hard. It's hard to love your body. But something hard is something worth it. And gosh, the only thing I can really say to me and you is to love yourself for who you are. You're a lot more beautiful than you think.