I GAINED WEIGHT... | A Week of Eating After Gaining 7kg & How I Am Learning to Love Myself

Before we start, as part of this summer tone-up series, I partnered up with Betta Bullets to bring you the perfect fitness spreadsheets that you can use to help you this summer and all year round. And the good news is you'll be able to get these spreads for free by clicking the link in description. Also, be sure to check out Betta Bullets on Instagram for more beautiful templates and collections that will make bullet journaling easier than ever. Stay instead of turn. Weight gain. I'd be lying if I say I wasn't scared of it. Ever since I was 12, all I've been chasing is weight loss. Looking at myself myself in the mirror, sucking in my stomach. If I can see my ribs, that's a good sign, right? Oh wait, I still have a double chin. Does that mean I'm doing something wrong? I was so attached to my weight that even a slight change in my body would trigger me. But now, as I'm learning and growing, I'm realizing that you and I are worth so much more than just our bodies. That's why in this episode, I want to show you guys how I am learning to love myself even after gaining weight, and how this weight gain has surprisingly been impacting me for the better.

You are worthy.

So yes, you've read the title correctly. I have gained weight. Not a lot of weight, but enough to make my past self and even a part of me today upset. I went from 53 to 60 kilograms in only a few months, and I do see changes in my body, changes that wouldn't get me accepted into the modeling industry. Okay, not that I had a chance anyway, but you guys get the point. And you see, at the start of my weight gain, I was not content. Spent at all. I would take progress pics every day, weigh myself every morning, and would constantly make sure I was in a calorie deficit. This was only a few weeks ago, and as much as I still want to tone up, it's becoming less of a number one priority, less of an obsession, and more of a slow ongoing journey. I've been putting less of a focus on achieving this ideal summer body and focusing more on being confident and strong and loving myself for who I am right now. Look at this perfection, you guys. It's been a heck of a while since I've had pancakes tried on camera. Mmm, so good. Are you scared of weight gain? If so, why are you scared of it? I'm scared mostly because of what other people are gonna think of me. I mean, with this pandemic, you've most likely been away from many of your classmates, co-workers, friends, family, just like me. And what are they gonna say? What are they gonna gonna think when they see the new you. But the thing is, you should never live for other people, okay? That kind of sounds selfish, but what I'm trying to say is, while it's still important to be caring and kind towards others, make sure you respect yourself first, and then other people will learn to respect you. The way I see it, if you aren't happy with the way you look and just yourself in general, other people are going to notice it and they're gonna send off the same energy that you bring out. What I learned from making YouTube videos is that you're never going to please everyone. It's just not possible. So it's important to know your values and what you stand for. My past weight-obsessive brain, for instance, would always focus on people's weight. Whenever I would see someone for the first time in a while, my mind would automatically go to, "Wow, you've lost weight," or, "Oh my, you've gained weight." This just shows how insecure I was with myself. And if anyone mentions your weight or how you look directly to you, don't take it personally. Just know it comes from their own insecurities and dissatisfaction with themselves. So why did I gain weight in the first place? Was it intentional? It definitely wasn't intentional. I think a big component to my weight gain was over-exercising. I was so caught up on gaining muscle, looking strong and lean, that even at some point I would exercise 2 times a day plus go on a walk in between. And this over-exercising made me extremely hungry. I was basically consuming all the calories I burned from the workout plus more. Here at a donut shop, you guys, buying donuts. That's so exciting. Bon appétit! There was absolutely no balance. I was exercising a ton, but I was also eating a lot on top of that. Wow, you guys, look at those donuts! This is the peanut butter and jam flavor. Mmm. Okay, now we're trying Oreo flavor. Okay, last one. This is the rhubarb flavor. And I also have some iced coffee. I wasn't super hungry at dinner time, but skipping a meal isn't a good idea, so I have this lettuce chili burrito. Such an easy and delicious combo. And then I also had some cereal, my new favorite go-to nighttime snack, to end off the day. It's extremely hard for me to find balance, and a part of me thinks I'm never going to achieve it, but I have to realize it all comes down to time and just experimenting. My action plan is to cut down on exercise, make sure I take rest days, and just not overdoing it. Instead of exercising every day, I shorten it to 4 to 5 days a week, or whenever I just smelled like it. And instead of exercising in the morning and evening, I would just work out at one period of time throughout the day. I don't know if it's just me, but ever since it's been boiling hot outside, my appetite hasn't been as extreme as in the winter. All I really want to do is drink ice water, eat Jumbo Freezies, cold smoothie bowls, and loads of watermelon. Oh, and can't forget ice cream. In that case, I wasn't hungry for lunch, so I had some watermelon, and I also had a plum cake my mom made, which is very delicious. Before you guys comment I'm not eating enough, just remember that not every day is the same. Some days I'm more hungry and other days I'm not, and that's okay. As long as I'm listening to my hunger cues, which I am, then there's no need for comparison. I want my what I eat in a week to be realistic, and if I'm eating more food just to please all of you, it defeats the whole purpose of what I eat and turns it into more about what you want me to eat. So Next time you guys comment, "I'm not eating enough," please just remember that I'm not you. We're all different. Today we stopped by a bakery and bought a few pastries and donuts once again. They all tasted pretty gourmet, but honestly, I preferred yesterday's donuts a little bit more. After taste testing all those sweets, I was so freaking full and bloated. This is just a reminder that bloating is completely normal, especially after having loads of delicious food. I used to always be ashamed of my bloating, but it's something that happens to every single human. Now my bloated stomach doesn't faze me, and I am learning to honor it as it means that I'm well-fed and very satiated. One of my goals and objectives is to learn how to accept myself at every stage, heavier or lighter. The truth is, your body isn't going to look the same all year round, and that's something you should remember. Once you realize that fluctuations are normal, then whenever you weigh a few pounds heavier, you'll still have the same love towards yourself. At this point, I'm super neutral about my weight gain. It doesn't upset me as much, nor does it excite me. I simply just try not to pay attention to it. As long as I'm eating everything in moderation and make sure to get daily exercise, that I'm healthy, and that's all that matters. The moment you stop putting all your undivided attention to the number on your scale is the moment you'll find freedom, achieve results, and be genuinely happy. Hey guys, I just finished filming the intro and outro to this video, hence why I'm wearing something nice for once, and I'm feeling pretty hungry, but I'm still not ready for lunch, so we're gonna have a quick snack of one of my favorite protein bars ever, Built Bars. You guys already know, you've seen these in almost every one of my videos. I cannot get over these, they're so delicious. I'm gonna be having one of my favorite flavors, this raspberry one right here. Today I decided to microwave this for 15 seconds. I haven't had a microwave Built Bar in so long just because I like to eat them just out of the wrapper right away. I really like the chewy texture. Look at how gorgeous this looks. Wow, that is insane. Oh my gosh, bon appétit! That tastes exactly like some sort of raspberry cake. I devoured that in less than a minute. That was so good. Definitely check out the link in the description to get 10% off your Built Bar purchase. That's my little snack. I'll see you guys for lunch. One of the many things I'm scared of with weight gain is going from a small to medium in pant size. Putting on your favorite pair of jeans and finding that they're a tad bit small on you is one of my silly fears. And instead of giving them away to someone who needs them more, my first thought is, "I need to lose weight." But the thing is, you and I have to remember, clothes aren't meant to fit into you. You are meant to fit into clothes. So next time you find some of your clothes tight, treat yourself with a shopping spree at your favorite store instead of restricting or over-exercising. You'll thank yourself later. For dinner, I had some leftovers, and then I had a bag of Celebration cookies. And some ice cream. Do I get days where I absolutely hate the way my body looks? Oh my gosh, is that even a question? Absolutely, of course, 100%. I'm actually having one of those bad body image days today as I'm saying this. But would I have been happy with myself if I was skinny? Probably not. I'd still manage to find other features that don't satisfy me, and it'll be this vicious cycle of never feeling good enough that will end end up making me blind of all the beautiful things that life has to offer. If I end up focusing too much on how I look externally, I might miss wonderful opportunities or adventures that come my way. Guys, the Gymshark sale is starting in 2 minutes. I'm literally so excited for this. You guys, we're shopping for Gymshark! Being so fixed on my actually healthy weight just because it might not fit into social media's expectations is so stupid and time-wasting on my part, and it could end up affecting my mental health more and more to the point where I lose myself completely and more important things in life like family, friends, hobbies, school, etc. Now let's talk about insecurities because at the start of my weight gain, I definitely had a ton of those. My biggest insecurity have been my legs, more specifically my bum. I'm super self-conscious of of how it looks, which is why I prefer to wear long shirts and sweatshirts. I guess the saying "you want what you don't have" is true in this case. And I think if I'd ever want to lose weight, it would be for that reason, to decrease my peach size. With that said, however, I'm learning to love how my legs look, as I understand without acceptance from the start, I'll never be content with any results I achieve. Hey guys, uh, hi, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous. I have my first ever interview in less than 10 minutes and I am so nervous. I've never done an interview before and this is an interview for a job at Muskoka Woods. And if I do get in, I'll be staying there for potentially a month. I'll be sleeping there. It's kind of like a camp. I can't wait for the actual job, but for the interview, I am so insanely nervous. I'm just like putting so much pressure on myself, but I got this. I know I can do this. I know I can do this.

Good morning, Julia Fedorin.

Good morning. Oh, I'm good. How are you? Good.

So we're going to just chat today about Muskoka Woods, kind of give you a little bit more perspective about what it looks like to be a staff member. Okay, awesome. Sounds good.

I'm excited. Um, how about we start with you telling me just kind of how you heard about Muskoka Woods and what kind of made you decide to fill an application Sure, so yeah, actually a friend of mine, Maryanne, so we were talking on the phone and I was just asking her, uh, what are your plans for the summer and all that, and she said, well, I'm going to be working at Muskoka Woods, and I just knew I had to apply right away. I feel like I'm a person who always strives to like step outside my comfort zone. I think it's just so, so important to seek discomfort, and I feel like with COVID we weren't really— I wasn't really able to do that. I wasn't really able to go out there, try new things, so I knew that this was an opportunity for me and you had to try it out.

So how about you tell me just a little bit more about yourself, Julia Fedorin. So I know you're going to university in the fall. Besides that, what do you like to do when you can? Do things for fun, hobbies, you know, engaged? And what have you been doing to kind of keep yourself busy, have school going, you know, this year?

I love working out, I love fitness, I love trying new sports. I mean, I've tried snowboarding, I love swimming, gymnastics, cheer, karate— any sports, count me in. I also have a really big passion for videography, editing, Photoshop, just like everything in like the digital media. That's what has been keeping me busy during quarantine actually. I've been really like doing like little mini projects, videos. Right now for school, I only have one class. It's actually religion class, so I'm learning a lot about God and my faith, and I'm learning more about Christianity and all that, so that's really great. I'm a firm believer of like the law of attraction, so like attracts like. I always try to think about positive thoughts because most of the time they bring positive experiences. Yeah, some things about me. A few moments later. Guys, finished the freaking interview, and it went— I think it went so well. I felt like a boss woman. I felt like I was rocking the show. And guys, this was my first interview. View. I am just so proud of myself. So yeah, thanks for watching this interview. Weight gain is different for everyone. For some, it's gaining 7 pounds like me. For others, it's 10 or 30. There's really no one definition of proper weight gain. It's about what feels best and the most healthiest for that person. If you're underweight, have lost your period, then weight gain is healthy. It's a must. I know it can be scary at times, but what's even more scary is is not being able to live life to the fullest. There's so many things you're missing out on by trying to maintain this perfect physique. What's the fun in life if you're always worried about the food you eat, how you look in the mirror? I mean, it's exhausting. I've been there and I know from experience that it's not worth it. It's not worth all the pain and all the struggle. I've realized that it's not the end of the world if I weigh a few pounds heavier, and if anything, it taught me that there's so much more important things to life within just the way my body looks. I don't have extreme hunger as I've learned to honor my hunger cues and eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. And even if I am heavier externally, my soul, my mind, my whole internal being feels lighter. So dear body, you were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with your size. You're good enough.

Already.

And just stop trying to fix your body because it was not broken in the first place. It never was and it never will be. So I hope you guys enjoyed this video, and I hope you guys learned something deeper out of this. I hope you guys learned that weight gain shouldn't control your life. If anything, it's great for you, it's healthy for you, and you should just honor it and appreciate what your body is giving you. So thank you so much for watching. I'll see you guys in my next one.