Being the Rising Tide

I can taste yo, yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo y.

Hello and good evening, everyone. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist, Money mindset, coach, and I am so excited to be going live with you this evening with Carrie Barrett and Michelle McCarthy, two very dear friends of mine who I've been really excited to work on a project with. And we were talking today about just the importance of having community and how magical it is when you have people who really understand what you're doing, like, what your goals are and are doing something similar because they get it on, like, this deeper level. Carrie, Michelle, thank you for being here.

Oh, my gosh, thank you. By the way, I love your intro when you're making it rain. On the one side was that I.

Did it in Canva. It's like, I like. Yeah, it's. Honestly, if. If you saw the, like, the different iterations I did as I was playing with it, it looked super janky. I still think it looks kind of janky, but I. I like it.

You know, we'll work on that. Don't worry. Thank you.

Instead of making it rain with the coins, you're, like, making it hail.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, no, God, Katie's going.

Again with all your money.

It's instead of, like, you know, going to the strip club, making it. Right. It's like medieval times. Like, here's. You know.

It says something.

Yeah.

I don't know what exactly, but it says something. Oh, my gosh. I love working with you guys, by the way. Speaking of, like, community, I just. Michelle and I are relatively new. What are we friends?

New besties.

Yeah. New business bestie, for sure. And regular besties also. And of course, Katie's been a business bestie of mine for, like, the past, what, like, couple of years now.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's awesome.

You guys are the best there, live over, done.

Yeah, we have to.

We have to acknowledge my shirt because.

I think this exemplifies what's going on. It's well, well behaved. Well behaved women seldom make history.

Yeah.

Yeah, they don't. Yeah, I like that.

And, like, well, like, women who've been so influential in the world, they didn't do it alone.

No.

They did it with the support of their female friends and by leaning in. Well, I hate that term because, you know, there's a whole book on that that I think is a little.

Yeah.

Filter. But by really, like, being a member of a community and Letting that community support them.

Yeah. I. One of the hardest things for me when I first. Well, it's still hard for me, frankly. Had I not found, like, you guys and a couple of other people, I didn't realize how lonely things were and how. How hard it would be to ask for help because you sort of feel like you need to already have all the answers, which I know is ridiculous. Nobody has all the answers. But for a very long time, I struggled with that by myself, you know, and had you. Had you watched me anywhere else, had you seen like, you know, LinkedIn or lives or whatever you think, oh, she's got it all figured out. But, like, behind the scenes, it was a complete. Can I swear?

Yeah.

It's a complete shit show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.

From a far, far from good situation. It's.

That's the hardest part. Right. It's like you can. You get to a certain level, but then when the next level is calling you, it's such a stretch that if you're to do it alone, it just feels heavy and it takes ages and it's. It's all. You're almost like, is it even worth it?

Yeah.

But when you're surrounded by people who either have already done it and they're like, yeah, like, come on, like, and normalize it or at the very least are propping you up.

Yeah.

It's.

It makes all the difference because. Yeah. Same as you. Carrie, I have spent so long trying to figure things out on my own and spin wheels.

Yeah.

And it's been. Yeah. It's not very nice. It's been very.

And spinning wheels and spending a lot of cash and a lot of time to trying to get it all figured out, like, more than I would. Would care to even recollect.

Right. Which is. Yeah.

Well. And it's.

I think we're all like. There's this pressure to be perfect in front of everyone because you have this belief that, like, oh, well, if I'm not perfect, people are going to think I'm not good at what I do, which no one has that expectation. No one can be perfect at everything. Right.

Well, damn.

I know you're close. You're so close. But I mean, but it's also that, like, comfort level of getting feedback.

Yeah.

You know, like when. When you're trying to be this perfect version of you in public and then you get feedback from someone who's well meaning, but you don't have that trust built up.

Yeah.

It feels so jarring and it feels like an attack versus you have people like, you guys in your corner, and you get the feedback. You're like, oh, they're seeing a blind spot that I'm not seeing, and they're not, like, tearing me down for it. They're me in a really helpful way so I can make it better versus, like, a.

Yesterday, Katie, I had asked you, I was like, okay, can you tell me my blind spots that I'm not. That I'm not seeing? And it was never. It was coming from a place of love and caring and wanting the best for me, but also from your expertise as well. Because I find when it comes to my own business and my own branding and my own stuff, you're too close to see it.

Right.

And sometimes you just need someone else to just be a little bit more objective and be like, no, no, no, this is fine. This isn't. You know. And like you said, tell you what your blind spots are in a supportive way.

Right.

Well.

And you did the same thing for me, you know, a couple weeks ago. You know, I, you know, I can give the best advice to all my clients, but do I follow it myself? No, not always. Because I'm too close to it.

Yeah. As I say, not as I do. It's kind of. Well, usually my mother's motto, but I, I think I've kind of adopted it a little bit.

100.

My motto, too, in all facets of life.

Well, I mean, like, there are absolutely. Doctors who smoke.

Yeah, yeah.

Do other things that aren't healthy, you know, human. It's human to know better and still, like, default to the bad habits. Right?

Yeah, it's. It's a constant. It's a constant battle. One of my biggest bad habits, and I appreciate both of you for helping pull me out of this, is I get in my head, and I think, Michelle, you sort of talked about that a little bit earlier. It's like, I, I. And it's very hard to. I have to be very intentional about pulling myself out. I had a conversation a little bit earlier today with somebody who I met on LinkedIn, and we were talking about how you work yourself out of those moments where you're, like, sort of so deep in it and you're feeling a certain kind of way. And one of the things we talked about, Katie, was something that you did on a group call on Monday, which is where you sort of ground yourself in, like, what do you trust that's close by and then widen it out. And that particular exercise, I've deployed several times since our call on Monday, but it's having those Sort of like intentional. Those intentional. I don't know if they're tactics or what you would. What you would call them, but I have to be very specific about it. Otherwise, it's very easy to go down a rabbit hole and get stuck there for. For weeks or months even.

Yeah, well. And, yeah, I had a mentor once who said, you know, your reality is made up of the two conversations you're having. It's either the con you're having in your own head or the conversation you're having with other people. At any point, either one of those conversations goes south and isn't supporting you. You have to change the conversation. And if you're alone and you just have this conversation, your head all the time, and you're spinning and you're doubting yourself and all this stuff, like. And you don't have the ability to change the conversation.

Yeah, yeah, well. And, you know, it's. It's so funny. Well, it's not funny. It's actually kind of sad. But one of the things I was also talking about this earlier today was 95%, however many thoughts we have per day, it's some exorbitant amount, like 30,000 or 60,000 or something like that. And 95% of them are repetitive. And of those 75% are negative. So we're having this continual repetitive negative mantra that sometimes is so baked in, at least for me, that we don't even recognize it.

You.

You. You have to become aware first. And that. That in and of itself is tricky.

Right?

Yeah.

One of my favorite things is, you.

Know, when you're hanging out with friends.

Personal or professional, and you say something and like, that. It's one of those thoughts, and it just rolls off and it's kind of baked in between two other sentences, and you don't even kind of realize you say it. Like, wait is always a really easy example. Like, if someone would be like, oh, yeah, but, you know, I'm just. I'm like, I'm so fat, or I'm so. Whatever. And they just kind of gloss over it. But, like, a true friend is the one who goes, let's go back like, you know, and kind of make. Actually brings awareness to those thoughts that, like you said, are so, so ingrained.

Yeah.

And kind of just like, no, no, let's. Let's rework this. Let's workshop this. Let's get this.

It's that pattern interrupt. Right. You know, it's just. It's so automatic. But, yeah. I mean, it. And it takes someone who, like, knows that they have trust with you and knows that you're a safe person for them to hear it from, to be like, ah, I'm not letting you speak to yourself this way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you don't hear it. When you don't hear it from somebody you trust, it feels a little bit like a gut punch, because that's been my experience. You know, it feels a little bit. It feels very personal. And I use this technique when I'm working with clients, too, because when I work with them on speaking, that's such a personal critique. And it can feel very. It can feel like an attack. But when you're. When you're. When you're getting that feedback from somebody you trust or you're in, like, the circle of trust or the trust tree, which is what you're in, by the way, here, it feels productive rather than like an attack. Like you can absorb it and take it in and. And do something with it.

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had someone critique my. My speaking once, and it was. It was unsolicited advice. I have. I used to have braces only a couple years ago, and I have the retainer at the back, but because of that, I have. It's not even a lisp. It's just a. It's. It's ever so slight. But they nitpicked on that so much out of nowhere that I was like, yeah, you know, there's so many other things about my speaking that can be. That can be improved and like that if it was to come from a place of. Of love and caring and in a safe space that was welcomed, not just, hey, I saw you speak. Do you know that you, like, do.

They have a lisp? Do you know I was asked that one time on a. On a job interview.

Yes, I was.

That's not even the weirdest story of the job interview. I was. I was for an anchor position, and I won't say what city because it might be sort of obvious, but I was speaking with the general manager and he's like, do you have a lisp? And I was like, oh, I don't think so. I don't know. But I felt attacked too.

Oh, my God.

I mean, I suppose as an anchor person, that's like, maybe a legitimate question to ask, but I. I think I was just dehydrated.

That also with like, three or four cups of coffee that probably also might be. It might not be my retainers at all. It might. It might be the coffee.

Your coffee habit.

I think Katie comes in from, like.

I know.

I drink three of these a day. I drink a gallon and a half of water. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That's why your skin looks so nice.

Oh, thank you. I moisturize.

Yeah.

Yeah. From the inside out. Yeah. My mom. My mom has this funny story about being at my grandma's house, my. My dad's mom's house. And someone in the den was, like, asking her, oh, did you make this quilt that's on the couch? And she heard this cackling behind her, and she thought it was my. My dad's late sister who was kind of critical, like, I'll just politely say kind of critical of everyone. And my mom, like, got her hackles up. She turns around, it's her best friend. She's like, oh, it's my best friend. Okay.

She can.

That I'm not crafty at all. I don't know how to use a fucking sewing machine.

But if.

If the sister wanted, like.

Yeah, it's a whole different ball game.

And that's also why when you're doing any form of, like, personal development business, especially because it pulls on so much inner work, your family are probably the worst people to have around.

Yeah.

Because they want the best for you.

And they want to keep you safe. So if you're like, oh, I'm struggling, they. They don't want you to struggle. Most of the time, it's coming from a better place. Other times it can be like, oh, you're achieving too much. And that makes me feel insecure about myself. So I need to bring you back down to my level. That. Yeah. Family, as. Whether they mean well or not, are.

Sometimes the worst people to have in.

Your inner business circle.

Yeah. Well, and they're close to it too, you know, I mean, closer perhaps than others. So it's hard for them to see objectively as well, because they're seeing you through whatever filter or lens they've built up over however many years. And so it's. I feel like they have a similar. Like my husband has a similar challenge seeing me the way that, you know, different from the way I see me, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. So I ask him for business advice or I have a question about this, that or the other thing. And he'll try. But he also knows now there's, like, certain elements he just. He can't touch because he sees me through the filter of knowing me outside of a business and everything else. It's. It's really. That's tough. Like, he. He really can't sort of be My go to person and he normally is.

Yeah, yeah. Well, and. And from a coaching level also, you know, we all have our, like, set of fears, and they're. They're based off of our values. Right. So, like, I have a value for, like, connection and fun and irreverence. Right. So how my fears are set up to protect me from other stuff are different from, like, how my mom's fears are set up.

Yeah.

She has a different set of values of, like, you know, fitting in and, you know, being a part of the collective and, like, working hard and. And not to say that I don't value those things, but her set of fears are geared to protect her in those senses. So, like, when I do something that's contrary to that, that's irreverent and might get me, like, kicked out of the tribe, it activates a ton of stuff for her.

Yeah.

And because she's so close to me, because she cares about me, you know, she'll think she's being helpful in voicing these fears. You know, be like, are you careful? Like, don't do this because you might have this happen. Not realizing that that's not a fear I have. Right, right.

It's her stuff.

It's her stuff. But it's not just your mother, it's your father, it's your sister, it's your brother, it's your best friend. It's, you know, the people who genuinely care about you and they see them, like, part of their duty as. As someone who cares about you is to protect you.

Yeah.

You know, and sometimes it's like, misguided, you know, Often.

Often misguided. Oh, hey, Josh. How are you? Josh is. Josh is good, dude.

Cool. Yeah, but I mean, but it's such a difference when you have the right people in your corner, because it's not just that. And I think. I think there's a lot of fear when you're starting a business to go out and make, like, business besties because you feel like it's selfish, like, this will help me. Yeah. You're completely discrediting the fact that you can also help other people. Yeah. Right.

Yeah.

Well, sometimes you. Like, I know that I struggled in. And I still struggle with this feeling like I'm not established enough to help people. And I have a very. I have a. I have a strong sense of not wanting to owe anybody anything. And so I. I do this where if I can't immediately provide a return, like, if I can't, I almost tit for tatt it. Do you know what I mean, and I, and because of that I also feel a reticence, a reluctance to ask for help too because I don't know how I can return the favor. And that's something I've, I've always struggled with that but it has exacerbated or it's gotten worse with business ownership. You sort of hinted at the work that we have to do as business owners, Katie, and like sort of the shadow work, which by the way, I never even knew was a thing until I started a business and, but I have a whole shit ton of it to do. But yeah, that, that part is really tough also. I have found, I mean I love it, I, I, but it's hard, right? Yeah.

But you know like that part about the shadow work, like how crazy making is it when you start a business and you see other people apparently doing it really easily.

Yeah.

Being successful and you're like, okay. And then all of a sudden all this like locked up trauma just kind of like bursts out of Pandora's box. You're like, why are you coming out right now? And then you think, I'm just not set up to run a business. And then, but like when you have a community of people who are like, no, no, no, it's just part of the work.

And I have also found that there is, I think a real thing called entrepreneurial trauma, which is like a whole separate set of trauma that I've dealing with as a business owner and it's comprised of a whole host of things.

Yeah.

Mistakes I've made and things I've been confronted with that I didn't realize were part of me, which is like a whole nother set of challenges to work through. It's great, it's growing, but you need to have the right people around you to help you work through it. At least that's what I found. I'm glad to have you too.

Love it.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't think I realize, I think I, you know, when you know something but you don't actually know it really. It's how much of a self development journey business is. Like you go into business and you're like, yeah, cool. Marketing, sales, systems, SOPs, like all this, you know, scaling team. You're like, oh no, no, no. It's going to be me sitting in a corner being like this is, this is pulling at bits of me that I didn't expect. Yeah, it too. And it's pulling out the, the best and worst of me, which was really confronting because at the time I was going through that alone. And I was like, like you said, Katie, I'm like, maybe I'm just not cut out for this. But it's because I didn't have the right support network around me that I, I couldn't, I couldn't hop on Instagram and be like, I don't know what I'm doing. I, you know, I. But I also didn't have anyone in the back end to. To be like, am I crazy? Like, am I, am I not cut out for this? Or, like, what's going on?

Well, and you know what blew me away? I looked this up the other day. Do you know the year that women were allowed to take a business loan out in the United States?

1980.

1988. The year I was born.

97.

1988.

You were born in 1988? Oh, my gosh.

You know.

No, but like, literally, women have only been allowed to take out business loans on their own without male signatory.

Yeah.

For 36 years.

Yeah. That's crazy.

So, like, we're coming from generations. And I don't know what it was like in Ireland or in Australia, Michelle. But, like, we're coming from generations where, like, our mothers, our grandmothers, our great grandmothers had no context for the stuff that we're doing. So we didn't have any socialization as to how we could be business people out there in the world. Whereas, like, men, they pass that knowledge down to their sons.

Right.

Because that has typically been a male dominated field. It still is, you know, but I mean, we, we don't have, like, that, that legacy that carries along, you know, throughout our lineage. We have to create it. We have to start creating these rooms and these spaces and these relationships where, you know, you can ask for help, where you can say, oh, my God, like, I think I'm up. Are you guys fucked up this week too?

Like, I am.

Yes. That is so healing. When you have, when you have someone, you'll be like, I have this, you know, this feeling, this thought, like, and someone else's like, oh, yeah, yeah, me too. You're like, oh. Like, it's almost like an instant. Like, oh, I take you. Like, you shed that layer instantly.

Yes.

You just are surrounded by people being like, you're not up. I mean, maybe you are, but so am I. So it's fine.

Yeah.

No, it's that you can't overstate how important that is. And it sounds like such a trite platitude, you know, oh, you're not alone. But honestly and truly, it is a, A game changer. To know that you're not. And know that you're not the only person that is struggling with this particular thing or to even have somebody to, to bounce ideas off of or have a trusted. I don't. Maybe advisor sounds a little bit too formal, but somebody who has been there and has gone through it and can. Can walk you through their process or their, you know, their particular struggles. And that's been, like I said, a game changer for me.

Yeah, definitely.

Me too. Yeah.

So I know we're all working together.

I know.

Me too.

I know. I'm so excited for this project we're working on. I know we're not in too many details, but like, we've made so much progress on it in the last month and I'm. I'm so excited for when we launch next year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are we, Are we giving it. We're not really giving any details right now, are we? No, we're holding it back, but it is exciting. Yeah. All part of the master plan.

Yes. Yes. Well, I know we were just gonna come on here shortly and just like, you know, have an extension of our little call that we had before this.

But we do our planning meetings on. On Wednesday evenings. Michelle is in Australia, so we do them off American hours. But I. I am really excited about what we're putting together and not just excited because I think it's going to be fun for us, which it is. But I think there's such a massive amount of value for people that will. That we'll be eventually working with as it, as it pertains to this particular thing that we're.

I mean, this is the container that they'll get access to. Yeah, right. Without saying too much, like, they'll have access to relationships like this and all.

Of this craziness, a lot of, A lot of swearing, excessive wine drinking. You know, we may be in our pajamas.

Yeah, yeah.

For several days.

Listen, for all you know, I'm not even wearing any pants right now. I am.

Just for the record, she showed us.

Earlier on just to prove it. I think also that, like, that's a testament to when you do things in a container, in a group. Like, it gets to be fun. Like it, you know, you're not, you're not going uphill alone, pushing this big boulder. It gets to be fun. You get to like, dance and be silly, but also move forward and make big strides, which is what I'm most excited for, because I think we can all deal do with more fun in our life.

You want to make your Business fun. I mean that's, that's not the only reason that you started it. But most of us, at least to some degree, started our own thing because we were tired of not having fun in the corporate world. We wanted to own our own destiny and we wanted to be, you know, the creators of our own path. But we didn't want it to be drudgery and toil and anxiety and all of the things that it can be when you're going it alone.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. You know, it kind of reminds me of this one day I had in sales when I worked for Equinox Fitness. And it was like the day before I was going on the first vacation I'd taken in like a year. And I was the only salesperson working that day. And people like so many people came into the gym and it was my record breaking day for sales. I didn't even fucking talk about the gym. I was just talking about my vacation all day. And I'm excited and happy and like looking forward to the fun that I was going to be having at the beach and all this stuff. And every single person signed up.

Nice.

You know, Contagious.

Yes. It's like, oh, this is what we get to be a part of. Like when you're having fun and you, you create it for yourself through these kinds of relationships and you become magnetic to whatever business opportunities you want to attract.

We have a little magnets.

Yes.

Anyway, I know Michelle has to get to her day. We have to get to sleep. Carrie.

It'S 8:42. You know, side note, I went to bed yesterday at like 7:15. There was a time not that long ago where the idea of going to bed at 7:15 would have been absolutely horrifying. But now it's like, oh my gosh, 8:42 is. I've had a really late night.

Yeah, we're in our, we're in our like grandma eras.

You shut your mouth.

A young, cool, hip grandma.

That's exactly right. Very young, very cool and extremely hip.

I mean, you're very tired.

Yeah. And I'm not wearing yet. Never. You know what? I was going to say something that was going to go over the top. I'm not going to say it right now. I'm going to shut my mouth. I, I have a filter. For once. My voice is going, I apologize. I'm getting sick too. It's good. Yeah.

Well then you need to go to bed, Michelle. You need to have a good, a good Halloween.

Yes. Happy Halloween.

We get Halloween tomorrow. It's so exciting.

My favorite thing is because I used to live in the US And I now live in Australia. All the good holidays, I start on Australia time and I end in US time. So I will be celebrating Halloween for, like, three days.

Well done.

Because why the not.

Do you have a favorite candy before we go?

Chocolate. But it has to be European chocolate.

Yeah.

Or American.

Yeah, I'm with you on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not actually. I have a massive sweet tooth, but I'm not really into kind of, like, desserts and jellies and lollies and stuff. I do love Swedish fish, though.

Anytime I go, oh, my gosh, somebody just asked me what my favorite candy was a day Swedish fish. Hands down, I love it. I could eat them by the gross.

I do. Sometimes I'm like, this is pure sugar. This is terrible. But it's so good.

There's nothing redeeming about them at all. It's not even, like, chocolate where there's some vitamins or something in there or maybe, like, a little bit.

So if anybody wants, like, my P.O. box and wants to send me, let me know. Oh, my God.

There's actually Swedish. The Swedish candy company that, like, does a subscription, and it's called Mom Sweets, and I. I, like, started ordering from them, and I'm like, you can't. You can order this amount. Like, I was about to order, like, a kilo of Swedish candy, and I'm like, that's just unreasonable, because if you have it, you will eat it. And they. But they know me now, and I keep getting their emails and their ads, and they're gonna get me. I know they will.

Yeah, you're like their vip.

I know. Yeah. You like sour stuff. Do you want some sour stuff? Do you want some? Oh. Anyway, behave well at an event that we may or may not be doing with our project, we will have to have some sweet and sour candy 100.

At the alleged event that may or may not.

Yeah, alleged. Anyway, all right, well, with that, thank you guys for joining me and for being here and for everything we're doing together and want to give a big thank to Josh and Citadeno and Chili Chop and Taco bandit sucka, whose YouTube name I still love.

And.

And over on Instagram to. Oh, my gosh, she lives out loud now. Hello. I miss your face, too. Rest and relax, Boston Edie. Hi. And Tamzu. Great to see you guys. And I enjoyed the conversation. All right. Until I'll see. I'll talk to you guys before then, but until next Wednesday, we'll be back.

We'll be back next Wednesday, so stick around or tune back in.

Hopefully very happy.

Yeah, it's just like a stream of consciousness on Wednesday nights.

All right.

Love it.

Love you both. Have a good night. Bye. Bye.

Bye.