BYOB Advanced Group Call 2024 07 11

Okay. It's taking forever to hit all the buttons.

How's it going? Can you hear me?

Yes, now I can. Just took a minute.

How's it going?

Good, good.

Huh?

Trying to be sneaky. Timma just slapped my ass and looked sneakily as he walked away.

I didn't see a thing. I also didn't hear anything, so he could have gotten away with. That's so cute. What are you celebrating today?

Today I was a badass and wrote four LinkedIn posts.

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

Yes, thank you. Because as you. As you saw, it was really hard and I didn't do it the other few days. And so then I just sat down and I was like, I'm gonna close the window. You know, I have ADHD and outside is loud. And I was like, I cannot focus.

I know.

So, yeah. So I. Yeah, I just said, well, I think it helped. I started with a friend. We decided every Thursday morning we're gonna go for a walk together. And. And she's like, just on the next street. So we went for a walk and we started talking about management management styles. And so I had all these ideas because we spent an hour long walk, basically me flushing out like unintentionally just talking back and forth about this. And I realized it helped clarify my ideas and so then it was great. So based off management management styles, I wrote two posts. And then because I was in the habit of writing the post, I went ahead and wrote the other two posts that were not related at all. But I was then in flow, so that's fabulous.

Well, and it's so cool that, that you're discovering different ways to get inspired.

You know, And I think that's what it is. It's. I cannot. I think I'm really not. I use technology, but I'm not inspired by technology. I really am someone who really would be okay if you plopped me and changed to the 1700s. I would be fine. And so of course it's cool to have all these tips and tricks, but I'm not someone that needs to have technology. So I think I don't gain inspiration. And I think I'm trying to force myself too much to sit down and write a LinkedIn post. Whereas rather than going and being inspired by outside things and then. And then I just. And I haven't quite figured out, I feel a little bit iffy about. Even though I don't name them, I feel like a lot of time needs to pass before I talk about, like, client situations. Yeah. Because I want to be very conscious of them and how they feel about things. And I don't want them to see pop up and feel like I'm sharing all their dirty laundry.

100%. Yeah. Yeah. So would it be helpful for you to create like a, a library of humans that you can kind of like shoot the shit with and talk through different ideas?

Yeah, and I think that, I think that I. Yeah, exactly. I think I need to do this more. And I actually have a really good group already of women founders that also have their own company and, and we have a group chat, but we also have like co working sessions and I think it's. And we often talk about how to do our business better, so we have plenty of opportunities to share and I think, I think. Yeah, exactly. By talking and connecting with people, it helps me be inspired and so. Exactly. I think that that just works better. Yeah.

So I also want to just nod to the fact that you were walking. And walking is a great way to process stress bilaterally, you know, so like all the pressure that's been on you to create the content so that it gets the clients and like, I wonder if that really helped you like do it from a natural place, from like the Susan place and not the stressed out place.

Yeah, for sure. Because by the time I sat down to write a post about it, because I said, oh, this is great material for a post, I realized, wow, this is so much content we talked about in our hour long walk. I can make two posts out of this.

Yeah.

And, and then I think because I wasn't then so stressed, like I have to do LinkedIn posts, I'd also thought, well, what else do I feel called to write? So then I wrote the other ones and I said, oh, this is fabulous because I'm in a flow. And I had just finished writing them like I don't know, 10, 15 minutes before our call. And so then I was playing with ChatGPT. So I paid to get the upgrade to 4 just to fee about content. Because I think sometimes too this goes back to. I'm a trained journalist and so I'm very critical of my writing. And so often I think, yeah, this sounds funny. And it's like, Susan, it's one word, just like let it go. And then, then I think, and you know, ChatGPT sounds like Chat GPT. So when I would be putting things in and they would rephrase it, I would say, well, now it sounds like an AI. I don't want it to sound like that.

Yeah.

So Tim, I was like, just like upgrade for one month. Try it. See if it helps you. Because, you know, we know you struggle already with focus, and then you're too critical about the writing. He said just see if the more advanced version works. If not, then, you know, you have you paid for one month. It doesn't hurt anything. So, so far, that was quite. I've just been testing it out, like, for 10 minutes. But. So, yeah, we'll see.

That's awesome. Okay, cool. So, making some progress and creating content. Anything else you want to celebrate before we dive into the work today?

No, I think that's good. Well, Tim and I are sticking to this. I've been saying diet, and he freaks out. For him, it's a cure. We're trying to eat more, like, not as something that sticks more. It's more like a cleanse, I guess. And. Oh, my fucking God, we've been eating nothing but red berries for, I think, like, six days, seven days. And tomorrow. Tomorrow we finally get to eat vegetables. Yay. And then we're done with the cure. And supposedly, since I saw pain, like, in my jaw from a bicycle accident, this cure is supposed to decrease inflammation.

Okay.

So Toma thought it's good. I. He could try it on his knee. I could try it on my jaw. You know, once you get over 30, you have all of these, like, health issues. You. Your body starts to say, you're old, slow down. And so we're trying this cure. I don't know if it. If I've noticed really, a change other than the fact that I really want a pono chocolate really fucking bad. This is all I'm craving like a mad woman. But, yes, I'm really proud that we've stuck to it. When I've tried to give in and cheat, he's been the rock. When he's tried to give in and cheat, I've been the rock.

So when you say just red berries, you mean like strawberries, raspberries, red currants, things like that? That's. That's it.

And. Or anything with, like, red inside. So we can eat blackberries, blueberries. Yes. Watermelon. But, yeah, that's. That's pretty much okay. Raspberries.

Oh, well. Hydrated.

Oh, my gosh. Yes.

Yeah. Okay, awesome.

But, yeah, imagine eating this for. So you start by doing veg at the beginning, and then you move on to the. The red berries, and then you do veg at the end. And so basically, can you imagine e. Seven days, nothing.

But no, I can never take that stuff. I. I came into work one day and I was like, I'm giving up bread. And then that was 9am By 11:30, I'd walked in and I was eating an entire loaf of sourdough bread. Like I'd eaten two thirds of it already, so.

Yeah, of course. And I mean, I really have, like, it's. I mean, I think it's just really thanks to my genes because otherwise I. I would be humongous the way I eat. We're foodies. I love to eat. I love food. I didn't think we would make it. This has really been a fight of will, so I'm proud that I stuck to this. Yeah. But I don't know how much the impact is going to be because this weekend I'm sure I'm going to go insane and look like a gremlin after midnight. Just like.

Well, just throwing it out there. This is great content, you know, and, and not even talking, like, focusing on the diet. It's like the fact that you wouldn't have been able to stick to it if tomorrow hadn't been there and vice versa, you know, and it's like the importance of having a partner. It's the importance of having someone reminding you of your goals and that you committed to something and bring it back to like, this is one of the reasons why people hire a coach.

Is.

Because it's really hard to go after something that's big on your own. It's really hard to do hard things on your own, you know.

And then.

You can go on, like, try living in France where there's all these like, delicious patisseries and just eating fruit for a week.

Oh, my gosh. Really? Every time I pass a bakery, I just feel depressed.

Oh. And it's just the smell. You can smell it several doors.

Oh, God. Yeah, exactly. And that's really like. I mean, I'm surprised I haven't broke down. And then I even went on Tuesday to meet with a friend who is also has her own business. And she said, oh, come and meet me at this great, like, new cafe I found. And I said, fantastic. I only got a sparkling water because I can't even drink anything else. So she was like, oh, okay, you're not going to be sad if I eat this cake? And I said, no, but I'm so sorry if I start drooling like a dog. And I just watched her eat that cake and really all the cakes looked fabulous. So yeah.

Yeah, amazing. Okay, so lots to celebrate today. What do you want to work on?

So I have one quick question. I seem to be getting quite a bit of calls Lately that they want to start later.

Okay.

And I seem to have a hard time talking about starting later because some of them are. There's been one that was really clear on when they wanted to start. They said I don't want to start until January because I'm doing an English course and I want to finish with the English course before doing this. So I was like, great, do you want to go ahead and reserve your spot? And what I did be. But what I did with him is I said there's no guarantees because maybe I'm booked up in January when you want to start. So if you want to reserve your place, it's, it's, you can just pay the first month like as a down payment kind of thing. And, and he said, oh, like for now I'm going to wait and I'll get back in touch with you when it gets closer to time. Yeah, I get it. Like, it like we talked in May and he wanted to start in January. So I was like, okay, but then other ones are talking to me now and, and they want to start, but they said sometime after vacation and vacation in Europe is till now until the end of August.

Yeah.

So for some of them I said okay, great. Like just to let you know, I may be booked up at that time. So I do recommend that you go ahead and like reserve your spot. Yeah. But even then they said, these two, three people I talked to, they said, well, I don't necessarily have to start right in September, so I'll hold off. And so what I, since I couldn't seem to convert them to go ahead and sign up, what I scheduled is, I said, okay, well, will have the, the yes, no call, like a check in call. How about. And we've organized together a date where it's after the holidays to reconnect to the sea. What's the best way to. Because I've gotten really several like this and I don't, I feel like there must be a better way to get them to sign up now. And I'm just not accurately.

Let's talk through it because like on one hand, yes, like I want you, I'm going to show you how to be a little more assumptive and assertive with it. But on the other hand, like people are shitty at saying no, you know, so like sometimes say, oh well, I'm gonna do it later is like their way of saying no because they're too chicken to say no to your face.

Right.

So. And of course, like, like I haven't been on these calls, so I don't, I haven't read the energy like it could.

Yeah, exactly.

The vacation.

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, and this is, I mean those people that, that already you can tell those people that are just trying to be nice and say they want to think on it because, because yeah, they usually are the first to bat an eyelash and make a face when you tell the price.

Yeah.

And, and I did make, I made clear, like, do you think this is a program that fits you? It's really important about fit. Do you think I'm a coach that fits for you? And then, and then I meet and then I'm making sure as well about signing up. When they would like to sign up. I feel like usually after we, we talk about payment, a lot of people say, thanks, I'll think on it. But I had people, because I've been giving that space like you've been saying and not filling afterwards saying something and just giving them a response. And the ones I'm talking about said, okay, great, I want to do this. But there's a lot going on now with vacation. So can we just touch back on this once I get back from vacation and they're filling the silence with this and it's, and it's not like, let me have a think on it. It's, I want to do this, but let's reconvene. So that's why I was, that's why I think it's not about price because I have the ones that it's clear that it's, it's a price issue.

So cool. So here's how you're going to be a little more assumptive about it. So say some. I'm on the phone with someone, they're like, awesome, I really want to do this, but I'm going on vacation for like a month and I'll be back at the end of August. I think I'd like to start after I get back. So before I go into trying to figure out how I can like nail them down into signing up, I'm going to say, okay, great. So you're going to be getting back at the end of August. When would you like to start doing this work? Right. When would you start, like to start coaching? Right. And generally they'll say, okay, well, you know, I get back to the end of August, the first couple weeks back at work, doing a lot of catch up, getting back into the swing of things. This, that and the other thing. Oh, and you know, it's my anniversary with my spouse at the end of at the end of September. So like I'll be planning something then. So like maybe October. And then you go and you say, okay, cool. So, so here's what I do. When someone does a late start is like signing on for a late start is we set your time like so that way you have your first appointment blocked in, you know that you have it to come back to. It can always, the date can always be changed. You know, if you get back from vacation, realize that that time doesn't work anymore. And then what you'll need to do today to hold that spot is I'll send you a link to pay deposit, which is just going to be your first month and then the agreement and then we'll be set to hit the ground running in October. Right. It's a little more assumptive and it's very much about like, this is how I do this.

When someone start, it's like laying out the process rather than, yeah, I took it very much when. Yeah, it's less about if you want.

To do this because no one's going to say, oh, I want to give up like €700 right now before vacation. Like that's not something that they want to do. You're giving them the option of yes or no.

Yeah.

Like, whereas if you're like, cool, like you want this, this is, this is how I do that. If you want to start, then okay, yeah. And then if they're like, ah, like, yeah, you know, I do want to do this. Is there a way for me to sign up when I come back from vacation? Then you can say, absolutely. I can't guarantee that I'll have a spot, but absolutely. Like let's, let's set up a time to touch base the first week of September. Because if someone's told you they want to sign up, you're just going to go with that assumption.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

I've signed up people six months in advance of them wanting to start working on their business. You know, and it works like, you know, people have it to look forward to. What's coming up for you.

Yeah, I'm not very assertive, but this goes back to having an issue where I'm a people pleaser.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, I want you to think about it this way. This is the best way for you to support them. Right. Because they've wanted to do something like this for how long and they've been too afraid to do it. And here they're talking to someone who's literally going to hold their hand as they do it. You know, part of the coaching relationship. It starts right then where you're going to start holding them accountable, you know, which will help them reach their goals faster. You know, this is also a lot less fucking work for them when they get back from vacation, right? They're going to be coming back from vacation. They're going to have to do a ton of laundry. They're going to have to, you know, get back into the routine of things. They're going to have to, like, get back into the swing of things at work, catch up on some projects, you know, get their kids off to school if they have children, right? And then if they have to, then also decide all these other things about coaching and about, like, changing their job. That's just more work versus right now they're on the phone. They can set this up and then kind of set it and forget it so that they can just sit, like, log into a Zoom on October 3rd and start the work so that they can get a new job.

I just realized you gave October 3rd.

Huh?

I just realized you gave October 3rd.

What's October 3rd?

So October 3rd or October 2nd. That's a mean. Girls sh.

Us like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I was like, oh, that's funny.

It's October 3rd. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Okay, good.

Yeah, Yeah. There's nothing inherently bad. There's someone. I want you to think about it this way. Like, if you go into a shop and you're like, I really want to buy this dress.

Yeah.

And you're like, but I'm in a rush. And someone's like, oh, well, you know, why don't you do this? Like, and because, like, you, I don't know, like, say, like, the credit card machine's down and you're like, like, I have a credit card and I have 20, 20 Euro and the address is 200 or 200 Euro if the salesperson were like, well, why don't you do this? Why don't you just give me the. The $20 you have. It'll put. It'll put on layaway. Our credit card machines down. We can't process the payment right now. But I, like, this is the only dress in this size, and I want to make sure that you get it. And then you can come back, you know, in a couple days when our credit card machine is working again and you can buy, like, pay the rest, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I need to look at it more like I'm offering a service that they want and that can support them and not Think of it like a sleazy car man, because I'm not a sleazy, like car salesman being like, you gotta buy, you gotta buy.

So, yep, okay. Yeah. And this is also something that they want. They want this support. And part of the support from a coach is the coach pushing you to really hold firm on what you want, You know. And of course, like, if they push back, if they're like, oh, well, you know, I'm going on vacation, I always like to have some budget just in case there's an emergency. And it makes me feel a little, you know, nervous to pay this amount of money for this when I'm going to be out of the country and like, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like what if something happens? Then of course you're not going to push them. You say, okay, great, so let's do this. Let's get scheduled time for mid September, you know, after you've gotten back into the country or back from vacation and, and you've like gotten reorganized into your life and we'll get you set up at that point. Yeah. The thing I want you to remember is that time kills deals. Right. It just does. So the sooner you can get them.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

And that's why I was realizing, I realized it was a problem like when people are saying like that, yeah, I want to sign up, but you know, it's holidays and I will. And then I'm like, okay, like let's check back in after holidays if you don't want to sign up now. But I can't guarantee. So yeah, I think it's just the more assertiveness that here's what I do with clients that want to start later. Abc Voila.

It also might not hurt for you to target some Americans because a lot of Americans are like wanting to change their jobs right now. Typically there's hiring freezes during the summer because like all the decision makers are, you know, in and out on like week long vacations because we don't get any vacation time here. And then they'll be back into a hiring phase early fall and then they lock down again like around Thanksgiving into Christmas. Right. So if you start creating some content about the hiring schedule that American businesses tend to do and start saying, hey, listen, like if you want to get a new job in early fall before things shut down for like before the hiring freezes of the holidays hit, now's the time to start, you know, and if you don't getting a job in the fall, then you're going to be so perfectly set up for the new year. Right. But if you're wanting to change your job, like, in. Even if it's. It's early next year, you need to start now. Like, right now. And then you go through, like, you know, like, starting to build out your network. You can do so very intentionally without feeling like you're being transactional. You know, you're not under the wire right now. It's the perfect time for you to do this, this, this, and this. And this is what I teach my clients to do. You know, this is an actual skill set that you need to learn.

Just gonna plug in, because if I one too many times this has happened, when I ignore the blinking that it's low battery, it will eventually cut off.

Mm.

All right. Perfecto. Good. Yeah, good, good. The other thing is, I probably won't be able to find the paper that you had me write at some point that I need help with. And it was writing about when you're trying to write something to your ideal client. And you had, like, basically this kind of matrix set up where you have columns.

Oh, yeah. Symptom, problem solutions.

Yeah, yeah. I. This doesn't make sense to me, so I have no symptom. Problem solutions, outcomes. Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me, so I need us to do it together.

Let's do it together.

Yeah. Just really, really hold my hand and just tell me what to do.

I'm here. I'm holding your hand. Tell me what you have so far.

Well, that's the thing. I don't know. I don't really understand what I should address. First. Symptom, problem, solution, outcomes. Like, do I write the symptom first or is it the problem?

It doesn't actually matter. So, like, oftentimes people have a hard time starting with the symptom. So you. You can start with the problem. You can also start with, like, a part of your program, the solution. And, like, what's the problem it solves and what are the symptoms it relieves?

You know?

So give me a problem that you solve.

I feel like I'm thinking too big, and I think you're probably thinking, like, breaking it down more because it's like, I know people.

Don't overthink it. You're already overthinking it. So just tell me the thing that comes to mind. What's a problem that your clients have?

They hate their boss and they want to change their job.

Okay, great. So when you hate your boss, what's their problem?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's the problem. And it is kind of also a solution. Right?

Yeah. But then I guess.

It'S also a symptom. Like, that's. So whenever it's something that, like they would say to their best friend, you know, like, it's a symptom. Right. But we also get to zoom in on, like, the instances of them hating their boss. So what makes them hate their boss? Like, what kinds of things does their boss do that pisses them off?

The one is that he was.

More.

Of a dictator than a leader and had zero emotional intelligence and didn't care about the people under him.

Okay, so give me. Give me an example and don't worry about it. Violating client confidentiality. There's a way to anonymize it later.

Yeah, right.

This is just for this exercise.

So she mentioned that he was regularly talking down to her. So it made her question her skills and value and if she even brought values.

Yeah. So I want to. I want to. Whenever we're talking symptoms, we want to think about, like. Like we're painting a picture of a scene like a TV show. Imagine, like, this is like a part of an episode of the show and it's showing, like, how much she hates her boss and why.

Okay. All right, so if. Let me think. Because I. I think I might use rather than this client, because it's mostly her just talking about how horrible. It seems like how horrible of a person he is. Not so much like, it's just every microaggression, essentially, he does.

You can also make it up. You can like, come up with any instance of why someone hates their boss.

So I don't know how we would have, like, what do we say? Anonymize this later. But my close friend hates her new boss now. She thought he was great, but he threw her under the bus to hr. And. And she felt that. That she wasn't her boss didn't stand up with her to HR or even. Or even intervene during like, the situation.

Yeah. So just. Let's just use it for an example now. And yeah, we'll go into how to turn into content after.

So someone reported to HR that she was spreading gossip about people in the office. And so HR called her along with her manager in to. And her manager already knew about this before she was called in to braid her about spreading rumors in the. Off in the office. And it turns out that it was a misunderstanding, but the HR didn't want to hear it because. Because the person. Because the person reported that this is what she did. And the HR came strong and didn't even ask for her side of the story. And they wanted to write her up for this. And her manager just sat there and listened and didn't. Didn't ask questions, didn't intervene while the HR proceeded to tell her what she was guilty of. Like, already guilty of.

Yeah.

And mentioned that. Mentioned that she even throwing insults and saying that she must have lied on her CV for them to hire her. And. And that. And that she clearly is not up for a senior leadership role. So my friend felt not protected because this was some. This person that complained was not in her team or a close colleague. It was a colleague from another department. So she felt shocked that her manager didn't come to her first to ask questions and just sat and sat in silence when she feels like a manager should be there to take care of his underlings. Yeah.

Okay, cool. So let's. Let's use a. A parallel instance. Let's use something. Because that is very specific, but it's exactly the kind of thing that you could use as an example, you know, so I. A parallel that you could use. It's actually one of mine and you're welcome to use it is like, my sales team, like, because I was overachieving, like, hit all these in one month, like, like, blew every other team out of the water. You know, we. We overachieved by, like 200%. You know, it was wild, the amount of work we did. And because we were so productive, the company wanted us to test out a new software for doing our work that they were doing a beta test on, and they were seeing if they wanted to roll up to the rest of the company, and the software was garbage. And it actually made our job 10 times harder, which means that we didn't overachieve the next month. And we barely hit our numbers. And then our boss's boss came down on us and threatened to fire us because we hadn't hit our numbers.

And.

And our boss, like, you know, there was only so much he could do to. To protect us. But it's like, you know, because this boss was super toxic and was also threatening him, you know, but you can bet I quit, you know, and so, like, you can talk about, like, there's. There's shit in your workplace that's just unfair. It's unfair. It's, you know, it deteriorates trust, you know, and we can zoom in on a moment of that. You know, we can zoom in on, like, a talk with the director where they're like, berating you for not completing a project on time or not hitting your numbers. And you're sitting there with your manager, and you know that your manager knows what happened, knows why the numbers didn't get hit, knows that they were extenuating circumstances and they're not saying anything. And because, like, it's just the nature of how. How workplaces work is that, like, if you were to try to explain it, it would sound like an excuse. Excuse, you know, and you're tired of having to walk that line of, like, explaining yourself and being accused of having all the excuses in the world.

So how would we lay this out, this ex. Example, that, yeah, you didn't reach your target, and so you're in a meeting with the director, you. Your manager doesn't offend you for, like, even though this person knows the whole situation doesn't offend you. And how would we break this up amongst symptom, problem, solution, and outcome.

Okay, so the symptom is that meeting, that meeting where they're coming down on you and your manager's doing shit. Like, shit, fuck all. Sorry, I'm using the wrong swear word. Doing fuck all to protect you. The problem is that you don't trust your manager because your manager has never had your back. Right? That's the root of the problem.

So the root of the problem is what? Say it again. Sorry.

That you don't trust your manager because your manager has never had your back. And because of that, you don't feel safe and secure in your workplace.

But feeling secure in the workplace, that wouldn't be a symptom.

But if you don't feel it, if you don't feel secure, okay, that. So it's the root of the problem. So anything that is kind of like summarizing the symptoms and explaining it with adjectives, that becomes the problem.

Okay.

Okay. The solution would be you need to get a new job. And the outcome would be you have this new job. You know, there's open communication and your manager actively goes to bat for you and your teammates.

And you're.

You're kind of painting the picture of that, you know, so, like, maybe they were given in your new job. You're given this project that's massive, and you're given too short of a deadline for it. And everyone brings this up to your manager, and your manager's like, yep, I see exactly what you're saying. Let me go to the higher ups and see if we can get more time. And they go and they advocate for you. And it feels like you have a voice, and it feels like you have someone who's on your side who Both wants you to be massively successful and who also can communicate with other departments and other people to make sure that you have the resources and time that you need.

And then when you write this, do you write it in this same thing? Like in this same format?

When you write it, you ignore the, the middle two columns.

Okay.

Right. Because that's how you see it, as the expert. Right. And this is this kind of a big example too. Right. So there's a lot of things in here that we can get. Like the solution might also, like, you need to vet your next manager so that they're trustworthy. Right. So how you could turn this into a piece of content is without worrying about the hook. I was talking to someone the other day who told me a horrendous story of how her boss like threw her under the bus, threw her and her whole team under the bus. And then you explained, like she was on a sales team. They, they constantly overachieved and broke records within the company. And because they were the ones that broke records within the company, when the company was rolling out a new sales software, they asked this team to be the ones to beta test it. And of course, like, things went wrong, as things do in a beta test, and the software wasn't working the way it should have, and it slowed this team down so that they didn't hit their numbers that month. And instead of thanking them for being the testers for doing this trial run for it impacting their income because they were commission based, the higher ups came down on them and tried punishing them for not hitting their numbers. And, and we can kind of make an amalgamation between the two stories and her and their boss, you know, just didn't say anything, didn't stand up for them, didn't remind the higher ups that this team was busting their butt trying to work out like this beta program, this beta software that they were hoping to roll out to the whole company and that they'd given really helpful feedback to make sure that it went more smoothly, You know, and the result was many of the members of the team quit. They went on to other competitors. And my friend who I was talking to, who's sharing this, you know, she, she was saying how she lost trust here and this was happening and it really hurt her confidence in this way. And now that she's in her new job, you kind of jump over. Now that she's in her new job, she almost has a little bit of PTSD every time her manager asks her into his office for a one on one you know, she's like, oh my God, I'm in trouble. And when really he's sitting her down and being like, cool, like, how's everything going? Are there any resources that you need that, that you don't have that I can get for you? You know, you're doing great on this, this, and this. Here's the next priority I need you to work on, you know, and she comes out of, out of that meeting still shaking because, you know, of how traumatic it was in the beginning in that first job, you see. And then we do a little pivot into, you know, and if you're in a similar situation where, you know your leadership is throwing you under the bus and, and not standing up for you know that you deserve to be in a place where you're more supported. And there are people hiring for jobs in companies like that, and if you want help finding them, that's what I help my clients. You know, you could also do an engagement post. It's like, has your boss ever thrown you under the bus? And it was totally unfair. Everyone has a story like this. Everyone has something and then you ask that question and then you go into telling the story, talking to someone the other day, and they had this horror story about this happening and then this happening and then this happening and then this happening. And as they're talking, I, like, I was. My, my heart sank into my stomach because, like, I hear so many of my clients explaining or who explain that they are in similar situations. And it's, it's so frustrating that this is so prevalent. And also, like, I have so much hope for these people because I know that there are companies that have much more healthy workforce or healthy cultures that are hiring right now. And I know that because I'm helping my clients move into those companies every day, you know, and then you bring it back to the question, so tell me, do you have a nightmare manager threw me under the bus story? Share it in the comments. You know, you can also share your own stories if you have a similar story like that. I'm sure you do. You know, this one time this manager did this. This isn't this to me. And it's one of the reasons why I move jobs and this happened and that happened and blah, blah, blah, because it gets you into the conversation of like, of bad bosses, which is often what people who are unhappy in their, in their job will look at more, right? Because what you're focusing on is like what you start seeing in the world, you start paying more attention to it.

And then maybe we can flip it even, like if we do this, where. Yeah. Have you ever had a boss throw you under the bus, tell this story and then. Yeah, have them recount like their bad story and then the next post as a follow up on, like, hey, what is. Who is a good boss to you? Tag them in the comments.

Yeah, so you want to be careful with those because those can be kind of flagged as spam.

Oh, okay, okay.

I mean, it's fine. It's fine. But like, we want people to like, have a conversation in the comments rather than just people. So you could say, you know, could.

You say tag them in the comments and tell them why they were a great leader for you or something like this?

I would say describe your the best boss you've ever had and if you feel like it, then tag them, you know, because you want them to share the story. Because then you can go in and be like, oh my God, that sounds like such a great leadership skill that they did that. Or oh my God, that sounds like such a healthy environment. Or cool, what company were you working for? This sounds incredible. You know, and then you can ask more questions rather than them just doing a name. Whereas, you know, how are you going to go and have a conversation with them in the comments if they're just doing a name?

Yeah.

Yeah. So tell me the bet, like, what made, you know, a boss really good to work for? And. And if you feel like it, tag them in the.

Okay.

So that's how you would approach it as an engagement post, is tell the story back. Whenever you're asking someone to tell a story, you have to ask the question first and then you have to tell a story. Right. Because they're reading this and they're then thinking, what's the right answer? How do I tell this story so that I get brownie points? Right? So that, like, I do this correctly, no one wants to, you know, show up in someone. Someone's comments and be seen as stupid.

Yeah.

Right. So you tell the story, then you ask the question again. Now if we were to want to do this as a pain and desire, what we would do is like, you know, picture this like you go into a meeting, it's your boss and it's their boss, and their boss is screaming at you for something that you didn't even do wrong. And your boss is sitting there looking uncomfortable but not saying a damn thing. And you're so flustered and nervous that you're shaking and you can't put words together to defend yourself. And even if you did Put the words together to defend yourself. You're pretty sure this person would just accuse you of making up excus. Because that's all they see explanations as, you know, and after this meeting where they've put you on a performance improvement plan or something, you go back to your desk and you try to answer emails until you have to run into the bathroom and just start crying. You know, I. Then you go into. I hate how common this scenario is. You know, oftentimes clients will come and work with me because they're trying to get out of a toxic environment like this, right? And one of the hardest things for them is believing that there are other workplaces that don't operate this way. And I can tell you, because I've had many clients get land jobs in more positive, healthy work environments that they exist and they are hiring. And if you're in a toxic environment right now, like, and you're ready to get out, you're done with all the mental and emotional abuse, then book a call with me and let's make a plan for you to get something better because you deserve it, right? So we're focusing on the shit that's happening for them now. Of course, it might not be that kind of like meeting. It might be like a board meeting, it might be something like an email that they got. But everyone will, will kind of insert their own details into that kind of story. But you see how it's like it's painting a scene, it's a scenario, it's pretty specific. And then if we were to do the positive version, you know, it's like you're at this new job, you're a month in, and you get a slack message from your boss saying, hey, you know, do you have time for a one on one today for 30 minutes, you know, at this time? And you see that and your mind immediately starts racing with all the things that you might have done wrong. Like, oh my God, like, I knew this is too good to be true, they're probably gonna fire me. And this is happening, and this is happening because that's what happened at your old job. Whenever your boss needed to do a one on one, it was something bad, right? And you walk into this meeting and you know, you're sweating, you're. You're really hoping your deodorant is like, you know, doing its job. And you like worry that you shouldn't have worn this color shirt today, whatever. And you sit down and your boss is smiling and, and that's weird. And then they say, cool, like you're doing a great job, you know, how's everything going? And, like, you don't know how to answer the question because you weren't expecting that. You're expecting to be yelled at. And then they go on to say, you know, like, you know, here's what you've been doing really great at. You know, I've noticed, like, this is a question you ask a lot. Here's the answer so you understand it better. And then are there any resources that you feel you need that you're not getting? And you walk out of there, like, completely bemused because it was not at all what you expected, you know, and you realize, like, you were so traumatized from your last job that, like, being in a positive environment is still scary to you because you're expecting everyone to act like your last job. You know, we want to paint the picture of what it's like next. And it doesn't necessarily, like, the problems you have next don't necessarily have to be perfect.

Right.

The problem you have next is, like, you have trauma left over from the terrible job that you have to get over. You have to, like, acclimatize yourself to a positive environment, You know, And then you can go into. You know, a lot of the clients that I work with are trying to get out of toxic work environments. And one of the things that's really common when they do find that healthy environment with a supportive manager and a company that really cares about them being successful as an individual is they still expect everyone to treat them like they. Like they were treated in their old. In their old job. And it takes them a few months to kind of reacclimatize and learn that that's not going to happen, you know, but let me tell you, it's so worth it. And the clients that I've helped go from toxic to healthy have no regrets in making the change. And if you're ready to make a similar change and get into an environment that's supportive and cares about you, then book a call with me. I can see the wheels turning. What's going on in your head?

Yeah, it's more so I'm like, still mystified by these. Like, I find it really, really hard to put the pieces together on how to do this.

Yeah. What do you see? The pieces?

I guess it's just I almost see it as a bit. Too much. So I was thinking, like, first you were thinking, like, pain. Desire is almost kind of like, cause and positive effect. Like, this is what it caused you to change. And then now this is what's coming, coming out of it. Like, this is what can be you. So that's sort of. I can align that, I guess.

Let me explain this. So, so the columns, you're not doing the columns so that you can combine them all together into one piece of content.

Yeah. It's to help you put together a story.

Well, not necessarily. It's meant to get you out of your expert speak.

Right.

So if you're talking about networking and learning how to network, that's something that's interesting to you and, you know the power of it. Whereas your clients aren't worried about networking yet. Like, the people out there who haven't hired you yet, they're. They're just hating their jobs. They're just wanting something different. They're not. They're on the Internet looking for networking tips.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

They're just wondering how they're going to get the job. So, like, we want to tease out, like, your solution that you help people with, which is get better at networking. The problem would be they don't have the right contacts in the right companies to get referred in for these roles. Right. They're not seeing it that way. The problem is that they desperately want a new job, but they don't know where to start. Or they've sent their resume out and they're not getting responses. Right. So we want to focus in on that, on that symptom. They're sending their resume out. They're on LinkedIn. They're on. Indeed, they're on whatever job sites are common in, in Europe. And they're, they're not getting responses. And the responses they're getting are just really disappointing.

So the symptom would be. Because this is a good, like, example. So the symptom would be that they're not getting responses. Relevant responses to their applications. Yeah.

Or, you know, they're not, they're submitting and they're not hearing back and they don't know how anyone gets a job. If this is how the job application process goes. You know, this is. So oftentimes a symptom will actually work for numerous problems and numerous solutions and numerous outcomes. Right. So this problem could also be they have no idea what's wrong with their resume. They're following all the advice they can find online, and yet they're sending their resume out to all these companies and not hearing back. And they, like, are worried that, like. And they keep redoing it because they're worried, okay, well, maybe if I, if I showcase this or if I drop this, maybe I'll get an answer. And then you go into, you know, like the problem is, is that you're not designing your resume to set to position you as the perfect candidate for that one job. And the solution is we have to do all this coaching work to understand what it is you even want and what your skills are and what your strengths are and where you want to grow and what roles will help you get there. And then we will reverse engineer all of that information into what your resume is. Right. And then the outcome is, is that you're going to redo your resume. You're going to be sending it out to the right companies for the right roles and you're going to be getting responses back. You're going to, you're going to get invitations for interview. Does that make more sense?

Could we say like another one is they aren't hearing back from applications. And this is because they, the problem is that they don't have, they don't have internal referrals as a problem. Yes.

Yeah, 100%. You know, you could say, you know, most people know that when you have a referral to work at a company, what is it? You're 80% more likely to get the job. 70%. It's really high up there. And most people hear that and they're like, great, who can refer me into their company and what companies do I want to be referred into? You know, it seems like such a big project and it also feels very artificial to go and meet people just to be like, hey, can you refer me in? You know, and so you hear that and you're just like, okay, well that's not really helpful to me. Right. We want to zoom in on what they're thinking right now.

Right.

And the thing that they feel really stuck with. Right. And so the problem is like, you don't have a system for creating this network that can refer you into their companies. You also don't know like, who to, who to go to to to or what companies have the best culture. So the solution is you need to work with me so that we can design a way for you to network that feels good to you and that gets you these opportunities to be referred in. And the outcome will be like, you're going to have, you know, anywhere from five to 20 people who are go to bat for you and who really want you to get hired in their company. And from that, you're again back to the numbers. Like you're 70 to 80% more likely to get the job when someone internally is going to bat for you.

It. Okay. That work. Let's try to do another one.

Yeah, and why don't you do this one this time. You want to. Actually, I really have to pee. Do you wanna? Do you wanna.

I will need that time to think.

Perfect.

Okay. Okay.

How are you doing?

So I keep seeing this as a problem and I can't decide if this is a symptom of our problem. This is something else that people are telling me is that they feel stuck in their role and they, they, yeah, they feel like there's no way for them to do something like too advanced.

Okay, cool. So we want to zoom in on the moment that informs them that there's nowhere for them to apply to get the promotion. Right. So like they're at an all hands meeting for their company and the, the head of like the CEO or someone is like, hey, we're hiring really aggressively. We have a lot of positions open. If you know anyone, please like refer them in. And you think, okay, cool. Well, I've wanted to change jobs, you know, for the last six months. I wanted to go for a promotion. Let me go and see if there's anything that I want to apply for. Right? And you go and you see, and it's like, there are jobs open at your level. There's a job open at the next level, but it's in a completely different department where you have no expertise. And then there's jobs open at the next level above that. And you know, you can never get there. And you think, okay, well this sucks because like, I know my boss is never leaving. My boss is really happy. They don't want to move. They're happy at their level. So I can't, I can't move up then I don't have the expertise over here and I'm not, I'm not going to get hired for those higher up jobs. Like, there's really no way forward. You know, it could also be you have your yearly review with your, with your manager and you're getting top reviews because you're one of the best people on the team. And you ask for, you ask about opportunities for promotion and they tell you, oh, well, it just doesn't seem like you have leadership material. You know, you just don't have the leadership quality. Like, keep working and we'll talk about it next year or we'll talk about it in a few months. And you start realizing that they actually don't want to promote you because you're so good at your job. They don't want to lose you in your job. And you realize the only way to grow your career and move to the next level would be to move to another company.

Okay.

And then the outcome would be getting that, that offer in your email saying, we would love to offer you the role of senior project manager, you know, which is the promotion you've wanted at your company all along that they weren't giving to you. You know, and here's the salary and it's more than you're making now, and here's who you'd be reporting to, and here's what your team would look like and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we're offering you the start date of this. And how good it feels to go into your manager with your letter of resignation informing them that you got the promotion somewhere else and they can shove it. But you don't say that because you're a professional. Does that make sense? And, and know that this takes practice. This is really, really hard for people to do it simple, but that doesn't make it easy.

Yeah. And that's why I feel like it's a. Yeah, it's. It's hard to make my brain focus in these kind of, like, boxes, like, to break it up. I can tell a story, but I didn't quite understand how to break it up. And then obviously I have adhd, so if I actually tell a story, like I would tell a story, it would be way long and horrible. Like, no one's going to read all.

That shit, you know, in writing. How. There was this great example in the writing class I just took about, like, the bigger the tragedy, the smaller the detail. You want to zoom in on, right? So, like, if there's like a city's been bombed, you don't want to, like, go into, like, the whole thing. You want to zoom in on the child's shoe that's laying in the street, right? And then you want to go in and, like, create all the context and build the story from there. Doing content like this is kind of like just zooming in on that shoe and telling the story of how it ended up there. And like the rest of the war, you're not writing about. It's not. You're not setting the context for absolutely everything. You're setting the context for that one shoe. And because you're zooming in on that, you're either. You're giving the person hope, like, either that they're not the only one who is miserable in their job and thinking these things, right? Oh, my God. I'm not, like, just Knowing you're not alone is such a relief because we all think that we're alone in our problems, right? And if you're talking about the positive of it, you know, like, maybe the kid runs back and gets issue. He just tripped and fell. You're zooming in on like. Like, this joy is possible. This joy is possible. Like, you. You getting what you want is absolutely possible. You get to have hope for it. Does that help?

Can we think of one more example to do of, like, a pain desire post? Yep.

And.

I'm drawing a blank.

Okay, go into an intake form that you've had from a client recently.

Or.

From a sales call.

All the most recent ones are things that we covered.

Like, okay, what about this? I had an interview last week. It was a job I really wanted, and I bombed the interview. I haven't interviewed for something in about three. Three years. They asked me all these questions that I knew, and yet, like, I didn't answer them well. And I was so excited for this job. Like, I had already imagined what my commute would look like and the people I get to work with and the projects I get to work on. And honestly, like, the pay bump that I'd probably get, and I'm so disappointed that I flopped it, you know, and if I flopped it this time, like, how is next time going to be any different? Right? The problem is that they are not practiced at interviewing. They're not a solid interviewer. Right. They might have anxiety about being interviewed. The solution is they need to be trained on how to be interviewed best and how to showcase their skills and how to manage their anxiety. And the outcome is going to be that the. The next interview they go into, their hands will be a little sweaty, sure. But the interviewer will ask those questions and they'll know exactly how to answer them in a way that showcases them as the best candidate without being cocky. And, you know, they make it to the final round and they get the job. You know, the. So the symptom is kind of like the. That they admit. Admit to their friends when they're a little drunk or when they're really ashamed and they just need to, like, you know, confide in someone, you know, and it's stuff that they're not telling everyone. You know, like, they might tell their best friend this, but everyone else, they might be like, oh, they. Like they hired someone internally or, you know, they decided they didn't want to fill the position after all, you know, because they're so ashamed that they did so badly in the interview.

And Then how do I lead it to me for a lot of these things? Because I didn't, I don't want it to sound sales gimmicky, like where it's like come to me to learn how to manage your interview anxiety.

How do we make it so we do it? We do it like really conversationally. We just say, you know, if you're struggling with interviewing, if you're bombing interviews and you want to get better at it, that's what I help my clients with. And if you want to get better at it, then book a call with me to find out more. You know, It's kind of like, you know, Okay, I'm going to use a really mean example for you. It's kind of like a bakery being like, do you want a pan au chocolat? We have pain au chocolat. Come in and have a pan au chocolat.

Oh my gosh. You know, I just have. Waiting till Saturday. Saturday it ends. The madness ends on Saturday.

You know.

Good. One more question. And so I'm trying to figure out how to talk about this because I don't, I guess I don't really know what angle to take, but I think it's something good to mention because it does happen and people may not expect it to happen. And I don't know if it's talked about enough. So one of my clients got an offer. We were super excited. Yay. Yay. Celebrating long awarded victory, it felt like. And then we waited for her to get the contract and she sent a follow up message and then one week later they sent her an email. They didn't even call her after she went through four rounds of interviews with them and had to do a presentation and everything. And then they sent her this, just this email that said, hey, like we're rescinding the offer. We don't have the budget that we thought we did.

Yeah.

So I'm wondering what's a good way to talk about this that is good for that's not just randomly me talking about this is shitty. This happens. Make sure you like protect yourself. But also maybe that's like more in my interest to turn it as to good content for LinkedIn and not just me rambling about shitty people.

Yeah. You know, so with our content we want to be reassuring and we want to reduce the shame for our reader. Right. So you can share. You know, it's happened a few times that my, you know, a client that I've worked with got an offer, was so excited for it and then the offer's Been rescinded for whatever reason. It could be that they didn't have budget. It could be this, it could be that. It could just be that.

For no fault. No fault of their own.

Yeah. And the question they always ask is, oh, my God, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong?

Like, that was her first.

Yeah, yeah. Like, did they call a reference that I gave and did the reference, like, badmouth me?

Like, I don't think that they would have done that, but yeah, you just.

Go into every single thing that comes up in your mind when something like that happens. And. And then you go into. You know, the hardest part about this is getting back on the horse and going out and submitting for more interviews, you know, because you're terrified it's going to happen again.

Yeah.

It's kind of like being dumped before you've even been in a relationship with someone. And just know that, like, 99.9% of the time, it's absolutely not you. It's that they didn't have their shit together. And it's okay that you feel really shitty about it. It's actually. It's completely normal. You're excited for this, and it's okay to be disappointed when you don't get what you want. And the thing that I always remind my clients of is that there's. This means that there's something better out there. And based on. On what we just learned about this. This business and what they just pulled on the client, we know more red flags to look for when we're looking at other companies. You know, anyone who has ever had that happen or they're worried about it happening, like, they're going to read that and be like, oh, my God, that's such a relief. Because that's exactly what I would think. I would think that there was something wrong with me. I would worry that's one of my references. Bad mouth me. Maybe they called my current employer. Maybe my current employer, like, sabotaged it for me. This, that, and the other thing. Then you can go into. And the worst thing you can do is stop applying because your desire to get a new job didn't go away. And this is not a sign from the universe that you should just be grateful for what you have. And then if you're in this process and things like this are happening that are really discouraging you and you want someone to help you make it better, then book a call with me. Now. Maya Angelou said it. Like, people will rarely remember what you said. They'll remember how you made them feel. Right. So if your content, even if it's shittily warded, even if it's, like, bad grammar, but if it makes someone feel like, like they're okay, like things are going to be okay, this is not the end of the world. Like, this is shit. And also, this happens to more people than just me. They're going to remember you. They're going to see you as a safe space. They're going to see you as someone who gave them that reprieve in that moment, and that's worth its weight in gold.

Cool. That's good.

Yeah. Okay, what is your takeaway from today and what are you committing to for the next week?

So main takeaway would be. To stop overthinking. And I can use this template as a guide, but it's not like, it doesn't have to be the end all. Be all. I can just focus on storytelling. It made sense to me, exactly what you said about the shoe, like, zooming in to show. Like to show the shoe and explain how it got there, but not painting the whole picture of, like, maybe, like, the war behind it. Yeah. So, yeah, that resonated and that made more sense. So I think, yeah, that's my main takeaway, is to use it as a guide. Don't try to, like, fill in the boxes if they're not working. Just use what I can from it and then. Then keep the shoe in mind. Yeah.

Awesome. And what are you committing to for the next week?

So for the next week, I would like. Yes. You see, my troublemaker, my problem child is back. Hi, honey. Yes, I'm committing to posting every day next week.

Amazing.

Because I. I did see when I did this challenge that it really made a difference, actually, by posting every week, I had way more, like, visits to my profile and I had people, like, booking calls with me. So. Yeah.

Awesome.

Cool.

Yeah, I can't wait to see it. And, yeah, you know where to find me in between now and then if you have any questions or you want any feedback on anything.

Yeah, okay. Perfect.

Awesome. All right, Have a great week.

Yeah, thanks. You too. Thanks. Bye.