BYOB Beginner Group Session 2024 11 06

Hi, Jason.

Hey.

Thank you for telling me. I. Heartbeat. Must not understand Daylight savings or something.

Yeah, it's okay. I didn't know. I didn't know. I. I thought it was either that or you were just super bummed and. Anyways, I was just checking on you.

No, no, no, thank. Thank you. Am super bummed already actually planning on, like, offering a bonus session next Wednesday at our normal time because I don't figure many people want to talk about their business today.

Yeah.

But, yeah, no, I. The time will always be 11am if it ever changes, there will be copious amounts of communication.

I don't know.

Yeah. Heartbeat.

Well, if. If you want to, like, push pause on today and then regroup next week, I'm totally fine with that.

Yeah, you know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be here for me and I think for everyone who wants to show up.

Okay.

But, yeah, no, thank you. I really appreciate it. I've been up since 3, 3:30 this morning processing, so.

And I was watching it, like, last night and.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. I think a lot of us are still in shock, honestly.

Yeah, yeah. It's weird looking at it from this end because, like, I think, like, my demographic is the demographic that the Democratic Party needs to figure out how to speak to and win in the future, like, if they want change. And it's, It's. It's weird, like, sitting in the space of, like, wishing that it happened differently, but then also, like, how do. How do you get people that look like me, sound like me, and think, like, me to consider different? Like, I guess it's the question.

Yeah.

Hey.

Yeah. You know, I was. I was literally just on a podcast with. It was a panel of people all from the United States and the podcast based in the uk and it's like, it's based on America, history in the making. And, you know, the conversation we were having is that, like, the Republican Party is really good at telling people who to be afraid of and then saying, we're going to protect you from them, you know, and versus the Republic. I'm sorry. The Democratic Party is really good at saying, here's like, what the ideals that we stand for. And like, people are. Are more prone to take action based on a fear than a want, you know, and of course, that's not what the Democrats ever want to do. We don't want to base our. Our party based, you know, on fears. And unfortunately, there's so much, so much that goes into it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's a complex. I I. When I was watching it, I was like, they kept showing the stat of, like, white men without a college degree. And, like, that's me. That's that. That I fit into that demographic. And. Yeah. Like, because my wife and I have had a ton of conversations about this and the, like, I would never want to support or vote in a way that would make her feel less human.

Right.

Regardless of politics, like, if. If that's on the table, then I'm out. Right. Like, period. The politics don't matter to me beyond that, like, if the leader of one party is going to make you feel less human, I don't, I don't. I don't want that to be part of my brand and.

Right.

Like, it's also weird because I grew up in the church kind of, and, like, somehow, like, the Republican party got so intertwined with religion.

Yeah.

And, like, what's baffling to me and, like, living in Canada now, like, because I'm a U. S. Citizen living in Canada, looking at it from, like, a different perspective, I don't understand how anybody that espouses any kind of faith or following, like, Christian values can view Donald Trump and say, like, he's our guy.

Yeah.

Like, it doesn't, like, there. It seems like there's no alignment there. So it's just. Now it's just confusing.

Yeah. I. I think, honestly, what I think is happening is we have people who are raised in an abusive structure. Right. So, like, if you were raised in a family where your dad hit your mom, it doesn't really matter that you understand how damaging it was for her and for you. You're far more likely to enter a relationship with someone who's going to abuse you if you're a woman. Right. Because that's the model. That's what your nervous system sees as familiar. And oftentimes your nervous system will see the thing that's familiar and think, oh, that's safe. Right. Even though, you know, not logically, it's not. Right. Because anything that feels outside of your comfort zone feels like danger.

Yeah.

And I think we look at a lot of the religious structures in the United States, especially we see, you know, leaders within the churches that can commit the worst kinds of atrocities and still keep their followership because there's this. Well, they're exempt, you know, they higher purpose. They're allowed to do this. And there's that. That cognitive dissonance that happens for people that, like, okay, well, once you have an exception, like a set of rules that, like, some people are the exception for you're open to that happening in other places?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like, it's. It's weird for me, too. Like, so much of, like, even the things that I like as a human being now are, like, I've been practicing jiu jitsu now for, like, almost nine years. Like, I love watching the ufc. Like, you know, Dana White and Joe Rogan are, like, people that, you know, I've, like, look up to and admired, you know, at different parts of my life. And, like, it's weird, like, when I saw, like, Joe Rogan made a statement, like, six months ago when he said, I'm. I'm never going to have Donald Trump on the podcast because he used to be Democrat, and then he had him on, like, four weeks before the election, and I don't know, like, I kind of felt like the wool had been pulling over my eyes a little bit. Right? Like, so it's like, okay, like, the timing of that was really can kind of conspicuous. And now, like, seeing, like, Dana on stage with Trump in the. In the rally, like, I don't know, it just makes me. Makes me feel, like, gross because, like, I don't want to not like, the things that I like, but at the same time, like, I don't know, it's just weird.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

I. Yeah. I mean, my brain is still trying to make sense of it right now, and.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think. I think we're really. We're really seeing, like, the degree of misogyny and racism that. That runs deep within American culture right now, unfortunately.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I grew up. Grew up in it. Like. Like, I grew up in upstate New York, which is very red. Like, it's. It. You might. Might as well be, like, in the Bible Belt in the South. Like, that's. The. There's. There's. There's a little dirt track racetrack in the town next to mine growing up where if you go to the races, you see rebel flags flying. Like, it. And it's so. Yeah, like, I don't know. I actually did a podcast up here about it once, because. It was called Be the Change podcast. It was. It was run by a woman that is doing, like, a bunch of diversity, equity and inclusion training, and she asked me if I'd be on. On the podcast to, like, talk about my transition from somebody who would have once been like. Like, I. I hate to even say it, but, like, would have once been, like, racist and sexist and a Trump supporter myself to, like, changing. And so there's, like, shame in. In it like, because I, I, I see like how, like, if I look back on my life, like I, I was part of the problem for a long time, which is one of the reasons why, like, I stay a little bit removed from it because, like, I don't know how much credibility I have in, in that space.

I think you have a lot of credibility, you know, I, I genuinely do. I think, I think it's hard. It's a self love and acceptance issue. You know, when you're raised being told, here's all the people you have to hate and here's what's wrong with them. If you like identify any part of that in yourself, you know, if, if you're even just like a straightish guy who once finds one man attractive and you're like, you have that response in your body, like there's this like emotional rebound at yourself of, oh my God, like, I can't be gay, I can't be this, you know, And I think, I genuinely think it is a self love and self acceptance issue, you know, where you're told there's all these things that are unacceptable, you know, And I think one of the things that we're seeing is like this idea of masculinity, especially, especially, you know, what's the idea of masculinity that you, that you identify with. And if you're anything else, then you're not a man. Like, what, what a message to be teaching men. You know, it.

And it's really strange, like raising boys, because I have two boys, they're 18 and 14. Right?

Yeah.

And trying to help them make sense of what it's like to be a man today is, is really, really challenging. Right. Because, because they do, they, they are going to face backlash from society like, based on who, just who they are. And there's nothing wrong with who they are. Like, they were born white boys. Like, they can't change that. That is who they are. Right. But, but I don't know. Like, I, I don't like, like it makes me feel gross thinking that like, there's a bunch of men that are going to feel like I am less, less of a man because I, I couldn't get on board with like, their agenda.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the patriarchy harms everyone. It really does. It is. There's no one whose mental health it supports.

Yeah. It's just, it's really strange because I don't want that for my sons. Like, I, like, like ultimately, like, I want my, my boys to be known for. Can they be loving can they be kind and can they make people feel safe and then whatever else they do on top of that. Great. But those three things are like the things that I hope most for them. And I just, just don't think that. There's any logical way where. Yeah, I don't know.

You know, I know. And I think one of the most important things is like, what. What is modeled to them in their formative years. And the fact that you're so aware of this really does make a difference.

I. I have something we'll share with you really quick. So my wife and I were, were in the car yesterday and we were just having like a chat about life or whatever. And she's, she's been a musician putting stuff out in the world for a long time. And she was telling me about a song that she wrote and recorded called James, where she put so much time and effort into it and energy and like, it got like very few likes very few plays. Like, it just wasn't, wasn't one of the. Anyways, like she says, she said she sees what I'm doing and she's like, I know intimately what it's like to pour yourself into something, put yourself out there and, you know, either get nothing back or worry that people are rolling their eyes and criticizing what you're doing.

Right.

So I wrote, I noticed that this guy Kyle had been, when I used to work with Kyle, had been following like all the things that I've been doing lately. So I just messaged him and I said, hey, Kyle, like, how you doing? Help oscillate with you. Like, that's it. And he was like, man, thanks for reaching out. I'm doing well. I've been following your coaching stuff. It's really great to see. So I said, thanks. I said, marketing is hard. I'm trying to just stay consistent and keep trying new things until I find my stride. I said that because Kyle's a marketing person. And he said, the authenticity, the, the. The authenticity in stories. Sell it, keep going. And then he said this. He said, I haven't had the experience with addiction, but you did inspire me to start talking to somebody. It's been really positive. And I come from a family that buries their shit and never talks about it.

Yeah.

And I got goosebumps because I was like, okay, like that didn't put money in my pocket. But here's this guy that I met some where out in space before and something that I wrote, said, or did, like, helped him, like, go talk to somebody and like that matters. I Don't know, it was like, like it didn't, it's, it's not going to give me business. It's not going to like, pay the bills, but it, like, it was like the little shot in the arm that I needed to be like, okay, like, I just need to keep, keep doing it, keep giving it time. Because that, that, that's impact. Yeah.

Well, and it's what I call quantum impact. Right. Because unless you had reached out, you wouldn't have any idea. Right. He might have reached out years from now and been like, you don't know this, but you really changed my life. You changed the whole paradigm on, on my belief system around what, you know, you know, what I'm allowed to do when it comes to talking to someone about what was going on for me, you know, and this is the beauty of our kind of work is that we make a difference just by showing up.

Yeah.

You know, and it does take some time for people to approach us, to want to buy from us, you know, But I mean, the beautiful thing is that you're literally changing people's paths even when you don't know about it. Because think about it, here's someone who, you know, knows you, has, like, has followed you and, and liked your stuff, probably because he knows that you know him. Right.

Yeah.

But I bet you there are a bunch of other people who are following you now who read your stuff, maybe don't even like it, you know, but it's making them think about themselves differently. It's making them think about what's okay for them to reach out for help on. Right.

Yeah, that's, that's like in line with what I would. That look that has the meaning for me that I need. Right. Like ultimately, like so. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, and, and you get to be more directive also in those posts saying, hey, if you want to talk to someone, you know, talk to me. Yeah, I'm a safe place. I've been there.

Yeah.

Probably been through worse. So I'm not one, I'm never going to judge you. All this stuff. I'm a safe place.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I think. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to predict, but I think the world is going to need so much support over the next few years. So it's a good thing we're in the support business.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, do you have anything you want to talk about in regards to your business?

I don't think so. I, I don't think it's the appropriate time. I, I actually just really like this. Like it Was nice to talk to you today. Like, you know, I feel, you know, connected with you in a, like, a really healthy way and, like, in a good way. Like, and that means a lot to me too. Like, because that hasn't always been part of my past. And like, I talk about you with my wife and like, I feel like she knows you now, like, and like, by proxy and. Yeah, like, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, it's. This is. This is family. Family space.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyways, I just. I just really, like, legitimately, from the bottom of my heart, like, I want you to be well and know that you're cared about. Like, and that the people, like, you are cared about by people like me. And that's the most important thing today.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're making me cry.

Okay. Yeah.

I really appreciate you, Jason.

Thanks.

To work with you. So.

Yeah, I'm really glad. Like, like, I, like, there's know there. There's like something special and magic about how this all kind of, like, works out and I don't know what it's going to, like, end up as, but, like, you know, I don't know. Like, people come into people's lives for, like, I think for a reason, like, one time or another and. And they help people get where they need to go. And, you know, in this case, like, even though, like, you're the provider and the coach, like, it feels good to be able to just say, like, I see you as a human and to have you, like, believe that that matters to me and.

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, being. Having worked with you for, you know, as long as we've been working together, I. I just. How do I put this in words? I get this sense that the support that you show up to every space with, like, the fact that you showed up for me, your coach, in this moment the way that you did, I. I just, I can't even put words to what I think is possible for you in your business just because of who you are, just because that is your natural inclination to show up and support people and be there for them and, and not even to try to fix things, just to witness and, you know, and just that, that show upness, I think it's so needed. I think it's so needed with, you know, men who will recognize with you, past you, current you. And I think that that support is just so needed in the world.

Yeah. You know, when what, like, when and if it's ever appropriate, like, I know that like, you. I really, I really do think that, like, the Work that you're putting out in the world and trying to be the change there, like, is important. And, like, I don't know if, like, having a discussion on a podcast about how, like, men like me can support and be part of the change that you're trying to create, but I don't know, like, I just. I had a great call with John Spears. We had a lovely chat. Oh, good.

I love John. Yeah, we be.

We. We became fast friends and, you know, we're. We're like, different but the same. And.

Yeah.

And I just, I. I hope that, like, we can attract other people that are. That are like, like us maybe. I don't know.

I. I agree. I think we're stronger together than we are, you know, on our own. And I love that idea. I would love to have you on the podcast.

Yeah. Be fun.

Yeah.

And we'll have to get you to Newfoundland sometime. Have you ever been?

No, but one of my favorite plays in the world is Come from Away From Away, so I'd want to. If I ever go, I want to go to Gander.

Yeah. Yeah.

How far are you?

So I live in St. John's Gander is like three and a half hours from us.

Okay.

And my wife writes and sings for a place called Spirit of. Of Newfoundland. And they do like, a bunch of, like, Newfoundland type shows and stuff. So I don't know, like, if you ever, like, get the inclination some summer, like, it's got to be like July or August to. To make a visit to Newfoundland, it'd be a great place for, like, a client retreat. Like, because, like, to other people, it's like you can go whale watching. Like, you can, like, really have, like, this, like, beautiful island experience. Yeah, yeah.

No, I would love that. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I know this sounds silly, but I think there's going to be so much beauty that actually comes out of this awful show. You know, there always is, like. Like Gander, you know, like the worst. The worst day for so many people. And yet, like, the relationships that are still. That are still going strong that go out of that, you know.

One of the big things that keeps me going, and it's really the main motivation for why I decided to just get into this space was just the. I. This. The spiritual idea of recycling pain into beauty. Like, I think when you can take, like, the darkest things and the most painful moments that you've ever had and recycle them for good, it matters. And, like, I don't know where I stand on the whole, like, spiritual thing. Like, I I definitely think there's something out there that's greater than me that I don't understand. And, like, I like to believe that whatever that energy is, like, that's its job.

Yeah.

Is just to recycle pain into love. Like, I really do think that.

Yeah. That's the title of your book, Recycle Pain into Love. Yeah. I don't know if you follow Jim Carrey at all.

Yes. Yeah.

You know, he talks a fair bit about, you know, like, most of his art. Most of the work he's done has come out of some really awful times where he channeled, you know, the pain and, like, all the gruesome feelings that he was. That he was experiencing into a character, you know, and, yeah, it's. It's hard. It's. It's work. It's so much work. And it takes a lot of faith and it takes a lot of hope, but it is. I think it's one of the best ways to make it through.

Yeah. What's purpose behind does, like, somehow, like. Because otherwise it's. It's just pain. Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's. There has to be something different than that, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I don't think the human spirit can exist without hope, you know? And, you know, hope doesn't necessarily have to feel like hope in the moment. It can feel like really bereft of something to latch onto. But when you. Despite that, despite feeling like, ungrounded, you create something, you. You create almost like a. A life raft to get to the island of hope, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, well, do you want to wrap up?

Yeah, that's good. All right. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank. No, seriously, thank you.

Yeah, of course.

And you know where to find me if you have any questions, if I can be any support.

We'll do. Take care of yourself.

You too. I'll see you soon. Bye.