Dude, You're creeping me out!

Hello, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. Very happy to be talking to you this evening. I have been playing with this metaphor in my business because if you don't know a lot about me, then let me just give it to you. I have never and will never sell my programs. My one on one coaching, anything in cold dms. I, I do not believe in them. I think they're creepy, I think they're gross. I have a big opinion on this and you don't need to do that kind of stuff to build your business to multiple six figures. I am proof of this. Okay? And I wanted to play with this a few different metaphors and one really stuck with me and I wanted to share it with you today. And I want to share with you the three things that you do need to do. Be, and, and have in your, in your practice, in your being. And. Oh no, it's not going to LinkedIn. How weird. Okay, weird. Okay, well, we're just going to keep rolling then. It's all good. It's going to, it's going to the Facebook and to YouTube and so we'll just share. It's linked later. All good. But anyway, so a few things that you need to do to actually make this real in your business. Okay? So. And for those of you who are watching, welcome. If you do have any questions as I'm going through this, please do put them in the comments. And if I don't call you out if your comment goes unanswered, it's not you. Sometimes the technology just doesn't work with us. So anyway, let's dive into it. So I want you to picture a bar or a nightclub, you know, a place that is crawling with people wanting to get laid. All right? And so we, we know this kind of setting because we've all been there, we've all gone out with our friends when we were single or maybe married, and we've observed these things happening at the bar. So there are two types of men. And I'm going to go with men in like heterosexual situations here just for ease of explaining it, because we know the stereotype, right? So there is first and foremost the desperate guy, the creep. And you know this guy immediately because. I'm sorry, it just keeps giving me a notification for LinkedIn. Anyway, we know this guy immediately because he is wearing clothes first and foremost that are like a little too formal or a little too, like, hip for the setting. And he's not comfortable in them. He's like, you know, trying to like, shift his shoulders and, like, loosen around his neck, and he's, like, just trying to, you know, be a person that he's not. And he's scanning the whole room, and he's fixating on random women, and he's going up to them, and he's trying whatever sleazy pickup lines that he's seen in movies or, you know, read in, like, pickup books. What? I don't know where he's getting his advice. He's just. He's not picky. He's just going for everyone. And when he talks to these women, he kind of, like, leans in a little too close. He leans in a little too close, and you can see them just, like, lean away. And he may, like, try to show off and, like, buy them drinks, but he doesn't do it well. And so he's actually getting turned down for free drinks because no one wants a free drink from him because they don't want to be beholden to having to have to talk to him after the fact. And he's just striking out left, right, and center. And whenever he does get any attention, he just latches onto it and kills it. Okay, so we all know this guy. We've all seen him at work. Maybe we've been him at some point or other in, like, the smallest of ways. Let's. Let's be real. We've all tried too hard in. In some scenario or other. So that's one. And we all know that this happens in business. I'm going to bring it back there. Then there's the other guy. Okay, the other guy. He's sitting at the end of the bar, and he doesn't seem to care. And you look at him, and he's just relaxed. He's very comfortable in his own skin. He's wearing clothes that is flattering, but, like, not over the top. But it's obvious that he just feels really good in them. And he's making meaningful connections with the people that he is speaking with. And he's not trying to talk to everyone, and he's being funny, but he's also just kind of letting things come to him. You know, he's not stressed about it. You know, he's. He's having genuine connections. And once he does have a genuine connection and maybe asks a woman on a date, he doesn't stay there. Like, he goes back to where he was sitting. He doesn't put pressure on her to, like, maintain that connection, to make sure it goes well. Okay. And doesn't put pressure on himself. He's just like, okay, cool. But he's sitting there and he's just kind of like laid back, relaxed, kind of owns the room. Now, in our businesses when we start out, is really, really common to be some version of the first guy. Okay? There's a lot going on there. First and foremost, you're desperate for any willing body. Any willing body who's willing to, who go home with you, be your client, sign up for your thing, anything. You're so desperate and you're trying to latch everyone in. Whereas as the cool and confident guy, he's selective yet kind. You know, he's selective yet kind. He's not trying to connect with everyone. And once he realizes that someone's not right for him, he has a very eloquent and kind way of ending that conversation and moving on to free himself up for more people who are right for him to come to him. Okay, so one is like really crunchy and like really anxiety induced and chasing people down. And the other one is spacious. There's just space and there's just relaxedness, for lack of a better word. Now the next bit. So that's number one. So you really want to have that spaciousness. You want to be selective yet kind. You don't want to try to take on absolutely everyone who's even willing to speak with you. You want to be very selective as to who you're having conversations with even because you want to create space for more people who are right for you, not just anyone who's willing to talk to you. Okay, second, so the first guy is trying, like I said, any random pickup line that he has ever heard in his entire life. And it's gross, you know, it's like, it's like, hey, did it hurt? What hurt? You know, oh, when you fell from heaven. Gross. No, we're not doing that. And it's just, it's. There's no plan to it. There's no plan to it. There's no, no desired outcome except for like something really sloppy. Okay? So just trying anything and everything to see what will stick. Now the cool and confident guy, on the flip side, this is number two. Doesn't follow everyone's advice. He only follows the advice of people who are aligned to what he wants. Okay? So if he's looking for a relationship, then he's going to ask really genuine questions of women that he meets. And like I said, we're talking heterosexual in this, in this example, but this works for everyone, right? He's asking really genuine questions to try to suss out. Is this someone that is worth even my time to go on a dinner date with, Is this someone who I'd even want to have as a client? Are they qualified to be my client? Am I going to go crazy with this person as my client? So he really, he is honing his actions based on what he ultimately wants. He's not just trying to get whatever is in the door. Okay, now thirdly, you know, the creepy guy, the desperate guy, he's struggling, like, at his core, he is struggling so hard to prove himself. He's struggling so hard to prove himself. He is just trying to justify that he's there and he can take up any space in that bar. Okay, what this looks like in your business is you're posting constantly trying to prove that you're an expert at the thing that you do. Okay? By the way, you're the only person who feels like you have to justify that you're an expert. Everyone else just assumes you're an expert. Okay, just simple hint. And because he's struggling so hard to justify that he's worth the breath that he's taking out of the air in that bar. He's coming on way too strong. He's coming. He's like talking about how much money he makes and what kind of car he drives and, and, oh, yeah, I got these shoes for $700 when really they're 300. Whatever. And it just comes on way too strong, comes on creepy, it comes on way off inauthentic. No one wants any part of that. Okay, the flip side, the cool, confident guy, he knows what he has to offer. He knows what he has to offer. And he knows that just by being there and by being his authentic self and showing up authentically that he's going to attract the right people to him. Okay? So here, here's the basic lesson that I want you to take from this is first and foremost, be selective yet kind. Do not take up everyone on having a conversation with them. Know who your ideal client is and a few ways to be able to dial them in and, and figure that out to, to start and when it's not the right person for you, be kind, okay? Just be kind. You know, I don't think I'm a fit for you. I think this other service or resource might be. Thank you so much. That's one. Don't follow everyone's advice. If you follow everyone's advice, imagine. Imagine trying to cook clam chowder and having like an Indian cook in the kitchen and also like an Italian cook in the kitchen. They're not going to understand what you're trying to make because one's trying to make curry and one's trying to make minestrone, okay? You have to, you have to only take advice from the person who knows that you're cooking clam chowder, okay? You have to take advice that is catered to what your ultimate outcome is, not just random advice that is going to get you short term results. Maybe, probably not. Okay? And finally have confidence in what it is that you have to offer, okay? It's, it's easier said than done, but give yourself some fucking credit here, okay? And know that when you show up authentically and you let people see what you have to offer, the right people are. Oh, I just almost put my computer. The right people are going to be attracted to you and they're going to come to you. You don't have to chase them down. Anyway, but anyway, so we're having some technical glitches here. I keep getting these weird notifications through streamyard. I had some other points to make, but I don't want be interrupted again. So what I'm going to do is I'm probably going to redo this live at some point tomorrow because I think there's going to be some fixes in the works with streamyard. But anyway, for those of you that have watched, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this is helpful. And I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. Can't wait to talk to you all tomorrow. Bye.