February Blues

Hello, everyone. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. I am so happy to talk to you tonight. It is Monday. What's the date? February 22nd. And February is almost over. This, this live is inspired by a really dark weekend for me and coming out of it with so much, much incredible support and connecting with people all over the world who are old friends, new friends, and new acquaintances who I trust will become friends. It's really easy when there are bad things going on to think that this is the new status quo. Our brains are actually structured for that, to protect us. And I just wanted to talk a little bit about that tonight, about, you know, what we're all going through with everything that's going on in the world and to remember what you're capable of, what you've gotten through up until now and all that stuff. I'm actually going to try not to swear during this. And actually I have the ability to not swear. I usually just don't edit myself because I know we all need reminders like this. And if there are any mini humans who need a reminder, I want them to be able to see it as well if you want to share it. Also, just a little housekeeping. I'm doing this through streamyard, which, as I said before, is a great tool, but sometimes it's limited in its effectiveness. It doesn't always show me comments as they come through. So if you comment and I don't respond, it is not you. It is just the technology failing me. I do try to have this be interactive and. Hi, everyone. Welcome. Happy Monday evening. So, anyway, so, yeah, let's just talk about this. So, God, I mean, where even to start? Well, I want to start with these stories of kindness that are coming out of Texas right now. My dear friend Helen, I've known her for almost three years now. We've been part of a virtual mastermind. She lives in Austin. She lost her water. However, she kept her power. She was able to take in a former neighbor from her old apartment complex so that person could at least stay warm and have power. And, you know, everyone is just pulling together. She's a dog walker and dog trainer and very involved in the art. She organizes a nonprofit theater group in Austin, and one of her clients invited her over so that she could shower and to fill up a bunch of water bottles. I read a story on LinkedIn the other day about a woman who I think lives in Houston, and I'm forgetting her name. I wish I had noted it down, but her whole house was destroyed. Because the pipes burst in her attic and her boss, the boss of her company reached out and offered to come over and help clean up. And everyone in the company offered to do the same. And the amount of money that is being raised for from people aoc. She has nothing to do with Texas. She's in New York and she oh, hi, David. And she's raised $5 million for people in Texas. Just the tragedy of it, the scale of it, the predictability of that. They've been saying for a really long time that there are issues there. What is it that Mr. Rogers said, Whenever there's a crisis, look for the helpers. That has been the most inspirational thing to me right now is to focus on who the helpers are. And there are just. There are so many of them. There are so many of them. And I think the best thing we can do for ourselves and for the mental health of those around us is to amplify those stories. And yes, grieve the losses, grieve the damage, grieve the things that will no longer be the same, but also focus on those people who are helping. And this is true in Texas and this is true across the country, across the world right now. It's been understatement of the universe of all time. It has been a rough year. Okay, it doesn't even scratch the surface what this last year has been, but it has, it has been a rough year. And it's really easy to get wrapped up in all the negative particles. There's this concept of there's particles in space, right? So particles. Think of having a dinner party. The particles are, what are you going to cook, you know, what beverages are you going to have available? How are you going to arrange the furniture? Hi, Larry. Welcome. And who are you going to invite? Those are the particles. Those are like the nitty gritty details that you have to work out. But then there's the space. And that's like, how are you going to hold the ambiance when people arrive? You know, what is the attitude with which you're going to take on the evening? What is the leadership stake you're going to go into this with? Is everyone going to have fun? Or are you going to make sure that everyone feels like they've had attention paid them? Or is there going to be something delicious for everyone to enjoy? You know, like all those things, you can focus on a party and only focus on the details, but that's going to be a really bad party. You know what I mean? If you focus on a party and you only focus on the space, and you don't have any of the details worked out. That's also kind of a bad party because there might not be enough food. And so we're in this world right now where the particles are all the details. The particles are the vaccines. Where do we get the vaccines? And also, you know, schooling kids from home and also working from home. And also. And also. And the particles exhaust us if we're only focusing on that. And so this evening, if you're watching and whenever you're watching this video, I want you to just zoom out and look at the space that you're creating, because this is your leadership. Everyone is a leader of their own life and a leader in their own communities, no matter how big or small. And I know it's so tempting to get, like, zoomed in on all the problems, zoomed in on all the homework that your kids have to get done, and zoomed in on that. That inbox that just keeps growing, growing, growing. You can't seem to get control of it over it. But zoom out a little bit. Zoom out and just notice the intention and the energy that you're putting into your own space, because you can take care of the particles and you can take care of the space. And actually works a lot better that way. If you're hosting a party and you forgot to get diet soda for the people that are, you know, that are only diet soda drinkers, if you're taking care of the space, it's no big deal. You know, there's sparkling water that they can drink, or someone will be more than happy to just, you know, jump over to the store and grab that. And I think I'm using the metaphor of the party because I so miss parties right now. One of the things that I got sucked into this weekend is just feeling alone. Feeling alone and feeling lonely, because they are two distinctive things. Feeling alone because there's no one on Cape Cod. You know, I didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school, and all my friends live in California and in Seattle and some in New York, and they live everywhere but here. And also lonely because it's so hard to keep in touch with people right now. It is hard to, because we're all on the phone all day. We're all on zoom all day. Like, the last thing any of us have the energy for is more phone and zoom at the end of the day to connect with friends. And I get it, and I get. Doesn't mean that I don't miss those friends. And here's the space thing. The thing that I miss about being with friends is I miss that passive time where you're not really paying attention to each other. You know, maybe you're walking together or you're driving somewhere or you're cooking something, or you're watching tv, or you're both just on your phones drinking coffee and sending each other funny Instagram stories or whatever. I miss that. I miss that. Like, that very casual. Like we're connected and we're hanging out. There's an intimacy there. And we don't get that intimacy right now because we don't get to be with each other. Oh, hi, Gabriel. Welcome. Welcome. And so I just. I want to. I wanted to talk about this stuff to normalize. Not to mention we're in the middle of February. I'm in frickin Massachusetts. We haven't seen the sun in about a month. It has snowed, it's raining right now. It's been dark. The sun goes down early, it rises late. It's just. It's a lot to handle all at once. And I found it very helpful this weekend to remind myself and to be reminded by others who I adore and love and reached out to, that we have all survived everything we've ever come across in our lives so far. We have overcome a lot this year, like, for those of us that are pulling it out or just like, managing to, you know, have food and a roof over our heads. Oh, my God. Can we just. Can we just give ourselves a round of applause for that? That is just so inspirational. If you're able to do that in the current climate that we have, with the stressors and the particles and the junk that you have in your life right now. Oh, my God. Can you imagine when the world gets better, when the world heals and we get to go back into it? Imagine that power that you have that will propel you to further success. That power that, you know, kept the lights on basically right now. Can you imagine that when the system isn't broken? I don't even know how to say that. We all need to have people we can reach out to each day to make it through our days. Yeah, we are social animals. We are part of the animal kingdom, folks. We need people. And one of the things that I resonate so hard with is all these articles about poor kids and teenagers who are doing school from home remote learning, and they're getting more and more depressed. You know, they're not changing out of the pajamas, you know, in the mornings, they're just Staying in bed and doing their school. Guys, I feel you so hard. I, I actually. Yesterday I picked out a bunch of outfits because I need to stop doing that. I need to start, like, getting dressed and being ready for my day. It does make a huge difference. As much as I hate to admit that to some of the. The wardrobe consultants that have been cold messaging me, I hate to admit it, but they're right. It makes a difference. And also, I'm not saying, oh, go get dressed. It'll solve all the problems right now. It won't. It won't. It is basically like. Like a milliliter of a tiny little milliliter of Neosporin more on a cut than the Neosporin you already put on. It's. It's. It's nice, but it's not a. Fix it. But I guess the main thing I want to say right now is have so much compassion for yourself. Have so much compassion for yourself and the people around you and know that things are gonna. Things are gonna get missed and mistakes are gonna be made and people aren't gonna be as committed to the thing in front of them as they normally are or should be. And also, we're all doing extraordinary things. There's no other time in our history that a pandemic has happened and we've all been sent home to work like this. I know someone said that about children, that they're really the heroes, because there have never been any children in history that have had to learn remotely like this before. But this goes for us adults, too. We've never. Except for the occasional work from home day that was optional, and maybe you begged for it from your boss. I'm, like, stuttering today. Besides that. We've never been this way. We've never been isolated like this. So whatever you're doing to get by and whatever you've been able to accomplish during this time, give yourself, like, an amazing pat on the back. You know, a celebratory drink, whatever. You know, alcoholic, non alcoholic, a treat, maybe. Give yourself $5 and a card. Do all the things to celebrate yourself right now, because you are going above and beyond. I know it doesn't feel that way. It feels like you're barely holding on, but you are going above and beyond. And if you can do this, imagine what you can accomplish when all this is over. Anyway, that's really all I wanted to talk about today. It's. Sometimes I get on here and I basically just tell you the things that I needed to hear a couple days ago because, you know, I I'm a coach. I hold a lot of space for other people. I. I also go through things, you know, just because someone's a coach and I just got a thumbs up on that. Just because someone's a coach or a therapist or. Or someone who guides other people doesn't mean that they have it all figured out. And you don't have to have it all figured out. For those of you who are coaching and holding space for other humans right now, especially those of you who want to start a business to do that. I know that's a huge hurdle for a lot of people. They think, oh, I have to make my life perfect before I can advise anyone else on their life or their business. And that's. So it's not true. Obviously, you want to have, like, a grip on it, but you don't have to be perfect. We all struggle with something and actually, I wouldn't trust someone who didn't struggle with anything ever. I've been talking about this a lot lately because a lot of my clients are having a hard time, understandably, and a lot of people in my world are having a hard time. But, you know, personal development and professional development books, you know, the first chapter, the introduction, it's the chapter where the author establishes, like, the fact that they're an authority. They basically build credibility with you. 90% of these books, if you go through and you read that chapter where they're building credibility, it is the chapter where they say, wow, well, I burned my life down. These are all the things that have ever gone wrong. It was really bad. I suffered through it. I didn't know how I was going to do it. I failed here, I failed there. And now I'm writing this book because I've learned so much. I don't know about you, but that chapter where they go through and just name all the things that went wrong and then have obviously come out the other side. I trust that person far more than someone who starts writing a book saying, oh, here are the things. Here are all the ways in which my life has gone perfectly. Here are all the ways in which my life has just been super easy and I'm successful now. No, I don't trust that person. They don't know what I'm going through. The person who has experienced some stuff, that. That is the person that I trust. So for all of you who are having a hard time with everything in the world right now and are maybe having a hard time in your personal life, in your professional life, whatever, I want you to just remember this this is the chapter that makes you super freaking credible to your reader when you write your book. This is the chapter that makes you really credible when you stand up on stage and give your keynote talk. And this is the chapter or this is the story of how you made it through a really tough time when you go to pitch your idea to investors. You know, we think our suffering has to be shameful, that we have to hide it away. We think that the struggles that we go through are something that we can't show other people. It's so shameful, we have to hide it away. That is so not true. It's so not true. The things that you are most ashamed of, if you're brave enough to talk about it and share about it. Guess what? You give everyone around you the permission to share about the things that they're ashamed of. You make it okay for other people to be more open. I know David knows this because he runs a podcast on this. I sense Larry knows this, too. Gabriel, I don't know you as well. I hope to get to know you better. But, yeah, just, you know, whatever you're going through right now, you may not be ready to share. I'm not pressuring anyone to share, but I just don't. I don't want anyone to carry that weight of what I'm going through right now is wrong and I have to hide it because you don't. It's all welcome. And there are so many humans out here who are ready to be there for you. Ready and so happy to be there for you. Anyway, it is 7:21 now and I have a lot of homework to get done for some courses that I'm taking right now because I don't have enough to do and I like growing my brain. So I'm gonna tune off or tune out, however that goes. It's really raining out and I plan on going live. Maybe not every night this week, but often this week. I'm also going to be doing a live next week with Leah Turner. I'm very excited about it. She's doing a webinar at the end of the month and we're going to be doing a little tease about it, so tune in for that. But I'll be posting that with a lot of notice. Anyway, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. I hope you have a wonderful start to your week and I will talk to you soon. Bye.