Liking yourself? WTFDT?

I can taste yo, yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo, yo I can taste yo, yo, yo I can taste. You. Hello and good afternoon, everyone. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach. Coming to you live in a few different places. And hello, transformation psychologist over on Instagram. Coming live on The Facebooks, on LinkedIn, YouTube, and on Instagram, obviously. Welcome, and I hope you're having an incredible week today. I want to talk about your favorite self, and this is a concept that I'm actually doing a lot of work on right now. I'm doing a lot of practices with my clients on this. I'm personally using this in my life and in my business, and it is changing so many things, and it's making things so much more enjoyable, and I'm actually getting things done on time. Ish. Which is an improvement. Although don't talk to my team. They might not agree with me Anyway, so your favorite self. I'm just gonna get comfortable here. Your favorite self, where this came from is I was in the seminar this summer, and I have a little confession to make. I hate, hate the whole concept of ideal self or your higher self, right? And it's so big in the coaching world, right? The whole coaching world is. Is built around constantly getting in touch with your higher self and. And figuring out who your ideal self is, right? Because, like, you're supposed to make yourself better. And what I think is really fucked up about this whole paradigm is that it creates a world in which you have a thing that you want, right? You might have, like, a desire to start a business or to have the relationship that you want or to make more money or change careers or whatever. And it's over here. And instead of focusing on doing everything you can to get there, you. You look at yourself and you have this other idea of, like, your ideal self or your higher self, and you think, wow, I'm not good enough to get what I want yet. I'm not good enough. I'm not my higher self or my ideal self. My. That thing is over here. So instead of just going for what I want, I have to work on becoming this idealized version of myself first, right? Because that's the person who deserves to have what I want. That idealized version of me, right? And of course, like your ideal self, you know, the concept here is to have it be something aspirational. You know, someone who takes care of their health, who studies who, I don't know, like, does therapy and is. Is Mentally well, but that's not how a lot of people use it. When I think of my deal self, I think of someone who has a different education, like, went to a different college than I did, who has had a different, you know, career background, who, you know, manages time and manages her life in a completely different way than I have ever been able to. And that's very shame inducing, right? And I think one of the reasons why we accept this whole model of like, work on becoming your ideal self and then go for the big dream is that we're so used to our world being set up not so that we can enjoy things, so that we get to be like, fully immersed in this act of enjoying life and enjoying who we get to be, but instead we're so used to, like, being constantly shamed. Like, like, like most people when they quit a job and they start a business, they have a really hard time sticking to the plan, right? And sticking to deadlines, right? Because like a deadline that you make up is not a serious deadline, right? Whereas when you worked in a, in a company, the deadline was like, you know, there was a threat attached to it, like, if you didn't get it done, like, not only would it screw over other people, but it would make you look bad and your boss might be mad at you and you might go on a performance improvement plan and so on and so forth. Like, there's so much garbage that gets piled on you if you don't do the thing, right? And so we're trained to do work in a way that's constantly self shaming, right? And it's funny, when clients work with me, a big part of what they, they want me to do is to be like this very harsh accountability buddy, right? Who, like, they, they want someone who's gonna like, check in on them and like, make sure that they do the thing and then yell at them if they don't do the thing. But here, here's where that doesn't actually work, right? So for one, and this is a big, big ethical thing for me, it creates dependency on the coach, right? And that's the last thing I want for my clients. I work with my clients in a way that they get what they need to build the business to where they want it to be. And when they get to that point and they don't need me anymore, they don't need me anymore, okay? I'm not trying to build in or create lifelong clients. If a client chooses to work with me for multiple years, and many of my clients do, that is absolutely Amazing. But I don't want to create a system in which the only way the client gets anything done is if they have someone like me who's, you know, being mean to them to get them to do the thing right. That's just not sustainable. And high nor and high collecting magic. I love that username. Welcome everyone and if you have any questions on this, please do pop them in the chat. I love this to be interactive. I don't always see all the comments from all the places though. So if you do comment a question, I don't answer it, then that's why it's happening. But anyway, back to the point. So like in my coaching work with my clients, what I'm trying to find is what is the system that works for them and how can they build their work process in a way that they actually enjoy it, right? And so for me, when I kept getting on that bandwagon of my ideal self and like, I have these big goals, but like, oh my God, like I need to be someone different, it's really a delay mechanism, right? It's like the fear part of our brain that doesn't want to admit that we think that we're not good enough for our big dream is like, oh God, well, let's focus on this kind of busy work project of becoming a better person, which is such an amorphous concept, right? It's not, it's not like a clear and cut metric measure, like ability to be measured metric goal, right? It's just like this, this hypothetical fluffy goal that we can like spend forever our whole lives working towards. So, but like it creates this busy work. So instead of going and putting ourselves out there and risking stuff and potentially getting rejected for our big idea or for whatever, we just stay in this comfortable little circle of trying to be better, of trying to be our ideal person. And if you have a big business goal, if you have, you know, something exciting that you want to do, if you want to have impact in the world, like, sure, like to a certain degree becoming a better person is going to make that better, but it's not going to be the end all be all. It's not going to help you get from here to there to the big goal to like making it actually happen, right? And really if you're constantly comparing yourself to your ideal self and thinking, well, I should be that, like you're never, even if you do reach that goal, you're never going to feel like you deserve it. You're never going to feel like this is exactly who I am. And who, like, like, I'm the person who deserves to have all the success. LinkedIn user. I can't see your name. It's not showing up. But it's so comfortable. I know, I know. It's so comfortable. I know. I love therapy and I love, like reading like self help books and I love, you know, all the personal development that keeps me in this room all alone by myself. I am with you. It is so comfortable. But it doesn't do shit for us reaching our goals. Right? So I'm in this seminar. So back to the story. So I was in this seminar and the teacher is this like, really, really respected leader in their world. And I'm not going to name it because he was talking about a book that he hasn't published yet. And again. And I'm also kind of like bashing the idea. So I don't want to like, bash someone and like name who they are. Anyway, so they're talking about this first chapter of their book and they're talking about this ideal self and immediately. Hello? Who is this? Monica? Oh my gosh, that's so funny. It might be a privacy thing. Hi, Monica. Yeah, so if it's, it's a privacy thing and I can't remember which privacy setting it is, but like, yeah, I'm happy to help you after this to like go and fix it because I want your name to show up. I want to know that it's you there. But anyway, so the, the teacher is going off on this whole thing about this chapter that he wrote for this book. It's all about the ideal self. And I could just feel myself like shrinking inside myself. Like, oh God, like, my ideal self is so perfect. I'm never going to be able to be her. And like, okay, this all sounds great, but like, I've tried so hard to be my ideal self in so many ways, but I'm so behind. Like, in my mind, my ideal self weighs 20 pounds less than I do. She went to an Ivy League school. Okay. She has a master's degree or something. I don't know. She owns like a beautiful, beautiful brownstone in a, like an amazing city. She makes a ton of money and like, yeah, like there's. And like her life is perfect. She eats a healthy salad every single day. She never, ever goes grocery shopping and then doesn't do all the meal prepping that she bought the food for. She never gets lazy and doesn't cook the healthy dinner and she never, ever orders like, unhealthy takeout. Right? I can't Be her. That's that that person does not exist. Right? And so as I'm listening, I'm not really listening at this point to this person talking about the ideal self and how you can leverage it to, you know, get shit done. Because it's never worked for me. I started thinking about what would connect with me better, what would make me feel more inspired every single day. And I realized there's a part of me that I really enjoy being who's so not perfect. Oh, and noor, my ideal self, she is so fit and healthy. Yeah, right? And, like, I'm sure you're healthy, I'm sure you're fit, but I'm sure your ideal self is always going to be the fitter, healthier version of who, like, whatever you are right now, right? And it's just not attainable for real people, right? What's this? Today I make toast, tomorrow I start my space program. Yes, exactly. Exactly. It's like, it's such a jump. So anyway, so I'm like, I'm in my mind and I'm like, you know, thinking through what would actually motivate me. And really, the thing that motivates me is when I'm having fun. The thing that motivates me and, like, where I am my most creative, my most productive is where, like, I have that little giggle going on. Like, I just can't wait for this next bit, right? And I started thinking to, like, the moments where that enjoyment, that happiness, like, that giggle comes out. And it's where I'm not being perfect. It's where I'm being my favorite version of myself, right? And my favorite version of myself, like, has mugs of coffee that, you know, are a couple days old in her office. Not perfect, right? My favorite self, you know, like, when a best friend is having a hard day and she knows that, like, you know, they just kind of need a break from life, you know, she this. My favorite version of myself, like, goes and gets pizza and buffalo wings and french fries and shows up with all this garbage food and ice cream to, like, help my best friend feel better, right? And wine if they're. If they drink wine, right? Like, like, that's my favorite version of myself. My favorite version of myself, like, is a little witchy, you know, like. Like, talks to her plants and, you know, maybe has, like, muddy paw prints on her jeans from taking her dog to the park. I cannot say that word because, you know, who is sleeping over there. She will jump up and think, we're going again, you know, not ideal. Not Perfect, right? My favorite version of myself loves a good cinnamon bun, right? That is her end all, be all. She just loves that. Nor. But I. My current self is busy with making workshops to help women build systems. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So this is the other thing, right? My favorite self is working on the scary ass that will help me get to my big goals, right? And. And that's the thing. Like, your favorite self, like, when they're invested in the work, like, they get shit done. And what's incredible about this whole conversation is every time I bring this up to my clients or it's a first time that someone's hearing this, the immediate reaction is, well, I can't trust my favorite self. Like, my favorite self would not have me do work right away. And so my next question is always, cool, well, what would your favorite self have you do instead? And one, like, without fail. And hi, Joe Gibbs. And hi, Tito. Welcome. And without fail, it's one of two things. It's either move your body or take care of your space, right? So I have numerous clients. I'll just use one example. Like, one client I asked this, they're like, I just. I can't trust my ideal self. My ideal self would just send me to a dance class, right? And I'd say, okay, cool. What would you get out of the dance class? And they just started describing, you know, like, oh, my God. Well, I'd feel so energized, and I'd feel, like, creative and happy and, like, the music would really, like, lift me up. And I'm like, cool. So, like, after the dance class, what would your favorite self want you to do next? Your favorite self would want you to take a nap in a hammock. Amazing. But, like, here's the thing, like, movement, like, this client. So, like, wanting to go and dance. Like, the next thing would be to eat something healthy and shower and get ready for the day, right? And then the next question is, cool, well, what would your favorite self want you to do next? It's like, get to work, right? Use all this energy that it's got from the dance class and from eating food and getting ready and getting prepared for my day. So your favorite self is telling you that you need to take care of your body. You need to set your body up and your mind up to go and do the work that you really want to do. And instinctively, your favorite self knows that going to a dance class does that for you, right? So, Monica, like, your favorite self would want you to take a nap in a hammock. Like, there's something so grounding about that, right? We do this thing to ourselves where we're like. Like, I'm tired, but I've got to push through, you know, I have to get enough work done, and then maybe I can deserve a nap, right? Like, we. We make it so that we have to deserve the basic human need of sleep. What? That's insane. That is crazy. I've never heard my dog. I mean, she doesn't talk. I mean, she kind of talks to me, but, like, you know, she can't vocalize this specifically. I've never heard her say, oh, well, I can't take a nap right now. I haven't worked hard yet today. I mean, granted, she's extremely unemployed, so it's not like she has any work to do. But we're the only species who make ourselves jump through hoops in order to deserve rest, right? But imagine, like, if you start off, if you, like, want to get work done, you're not getting work done because you're too tired. How's that going to go? Just sitting there stressing yourself out for longer about getting the work done? It's not going to work, I can tell you. I'm a big napper. Like, whenever I get into that mode of, like, I'm tired and I just, like, not get anything done, I feel so stuck. My answer is to go and take a nap because I need rest, my brain needs a break. And sometimes I don't even fall asleep. Sometimes I just lay on my bed for 45 minutes with my eyes closed. And, like, my brain is almost, like, just cycling through all the thoughts that are just overwhelming me. And then there comes a point where I either wake up from the sleep or I realize, okay, I'm bored now. I'm feeling fine. I, like, the stress is gone, and I get back to work, right? So your favorite self. And what's funny for me is like, I hate cleaning. I hate cleaning. I'm. I'm kind of a messy person, right? And so my favorite self, every time, almost every time, I, like, tune into her if I'm feeling overwhelmed or I can't get stuff done. If I tune into her, the very first thing that she wants to make me do is just tidy. Ten minutes of tidying. Take some mugs down to the kitchen, you know, throw out some papers that don't need to be here, you know, put the. The couple sweatshirts that you have over on the guest bed. Put those away, you know, clean, tidy all around you. And then you will be able to focus on the next thing, right? There's a reason why we have these big goals. There's a reason why we want to start businesses and write books and put ourselves out there in these ways because our favorite self wants those things. Our favorite self wants to do the work that'll get us there, right? And yet we don't let them have any airtime. We don't let them run the show at all. Instead, we try to change ourselves into this ideal version of ourselves who. Who makes everything so hard, who makes it like this massive obstacle course to become this different person who's perfect and does things to, like, a really, like, weirdly specific standard that we'll never know because it's like it's perfection, and perfection doesn't exist. But we don't even let our favorite self build our business. We don't let our favorite self, like, be on the journey with us. So here's the incredible thing, is that when you shift gears, when you move into being more conscious in living in your favorite self, you get more stuff done, right? Because you're excited. You're. You're in it. You're in that joy in that giggle, right? You see, spelling words out to dogs and kids, they eventually catch on something. Same thing goes for adults. I know, I know. We've had to. I've had to change, like, a couple words into code names, like pond means, B, A, C, K, Y, A, R, D. I think she's forgotten the spelling of that, actually, so I don't have to spell it anymore or I don't have to worry about spelling it anymore. But anyway. But yeah, when we. When we shift into our favorite selves and, like, we see our to do list, like, what we. What we gravitate towards is the stuff that we love doing, right? The things that we know will move us closer to our goals or we gravitate towards the thing that will set us up for success to then go and do that work, right? Our favorite self knows that we have to tidy a little bit so that we're not feeling overwhelmed by our space, so that we can get to work. Our favorite self knows that we have to go to a taekwondo class or something before we get into the work so that we can, like, really clear our minds and feel in our bodies. So I am developing a whole bunch of stuff around this, and I'd love to hear any questions you have around, like, favorite self or what your goals are and, like, how you can channel into it. But at the end of the day, this Tito, such a freeing thought, right? Right. Like, and, and here's the thing, like, there are gazillion ways to do anything. There's so many. So if you wanted to drive from Massachusetts, for instance, to California, there are millions of routes you can take, right? Depending on how fast you want to get there. You know, do you want to stop off somewhere and see the world's biggest ball of yarn? Do you have friends along the way that you want to visit? Right now, the ideal way could be any one of those. It could be like where you get to see the most people, it could be the fastest. It could be like where you stop off at, like at spas each day so you can get a massage at the end of an eight hour drive. That would be incredible. But there's also like your favorite south way right now. I don't know about you, but if you're driving for five days across country or longer, I think I'd prefer to do it my favorite self kind of way. Right? And it's the same with building a business right there. There are countless ways that you could build your business. There are countless ways that you could do the work every single day. And a lot of them that we've been taught that we've been kind of raised in have to do with leveraging shame, with just not getting in trouble, with not failing, with not fucking it up, with not like being laughed at. And I don't know about you, but anytime I think of those, those restrictions or those kind of guidelines for how I'm doing something takes the fun out of it. It takes, it takes the joy. It takes. It takes, like me enjoying the process out of it, because it becomes all about fear at that point. And you can absolutely build your business that way. You can absolutely build your business in a way that is firmly rooted in fear of getting it wrong, in fear of failing, in fear of what other people are going to say. And actually, when you're doing your business in any way that's not your favorite self, you're automatically going to get there, right? Because you're constantly going to be thinking, well, am I doing this the right way? Because you're not checking in with what you actually want. So here's what I want you to do. Whatever big goal you have for your life, for your business, I want you to think about it and I want you to think about what about it do you enjoy? What about it do you enjoy? What about it lights you up? What about it makes you happy? Happy. And think about how you've been trying to build it up until now. Most people who start a business, start a business, and they try to work in the business the same way that they worked in their 9 to 5 as an employee, and they try to leverage the same kind of deadlines, the same kind of shame, the same kind of, like, don't fuck up in their business as they did in their nine to five. And these are the people who often either have a little breakdown in the process and have to figure out a better way, or who quit because it's not what they wanted, right? You have this massive dream, and yet you're trying to do it in a way. You're trying to build it in a way that you absolutely hate. Like, why would you want that? And here's the ugly truth about starting a business. You ready for it. However you start the business is how you will run the business. So if you start the business and you grow it in a way that you absolutely hate doing, so say you absolutely hate LinkedIn, you never want to be on there. You think it's a terrible platform. It just sucks the soul out of your face. And yet someone says, you know, LinkedIn's a great place to grow your business. You should do it there. And you think, okay, well, this is where all the people that I look up to are building their business. I guess they're right. I guess they're right. And I guess I should just, like, buckle down and make it work, right? You can. You can. But, like, if you're. If you're suffering through and suffering through and suffering through, and it's always suffering, and you never figure out a way to make it enjoyable, to make it something that you look forward to, like, and that's how you build your business. That's how you get your clients, and that's how you do all the things. You're always going to have to do that because you're never developing another way for you to get clients, right? Versus if you're just like, my favorite self says, fuck that, I have no interest in that. And maybe, like, I'll test it and see if I can find a way to enjoy it. And if I can't, then we're going to look for something else, because your favorite self instinctually knows what is going to work for you, right? Maybe it's not LinkedIn. Maybe it's networking. Maybe. Maybe your ideal clients actually are on Instagram, you know, or maybe they're on Blue sky or whatever. There's so many ways to build it, but you only have one life and you have very limited time in this one life, in order to do what you want to do right, there really isn't any time to waste in building something that you really, really want in a way that you absolutely hate doing it. I just want to check over on Nor. Yes, exactly. So let me see. Yeah, exactly. And I'm just. I. I can't share the comments I'm seeing. And they're hard to read, so they're not hard to read, but, like, they, you know, wouldn't make a total. A lot of sense if I'm sharing them or saying them out loud. Anyway, if you have any questions on favorite self, I am going to be doing a live every Thursday on this concept. How you can leverage it to really go after your dreams and be the person that you want to be in doing this right? So you're not kind of betraying yourself. But if there are any, like, areas of your business that you're really struggling with and you want to know how you can leverage your favorite self or channel it or kind of shift gears into it, then please let me know. Okay. Because I want this to be a show that you really enjoy coming to that your favorite self likes tuning in for every Thursday. So with that, thank you for being with me. I thank your favorite self for being here, and I hope you have a lot of fun, a lot of fun tuning into them and getting to know them and letting them have a little bit more fun, freedom, and flexibility and control in your life. And I cannot wait to be going live with you again next Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. And everyone, to Monica and to Matt and to Noor and Tito and Joe and collecting magic and transformational psychologist. I don't know your first name. Thank you so much for being here. I hope you've enjoyed this live and I cannot wait to be going live with you again. All right, have a great week, everyone. Bye.