Paralyzed by Overwhelm!

Good morning. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach coming to you in a very rare early day life. I wanted to talk this morning about overwhelm paralysis, and let's be real, okay? The reason I want to talk about overwhelmed paralysis is because, hello, I am in it right now. This is a normal part of building a brave business, of putting yourself out there, of going outside of your comfort zone. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. But it is something that you need to stop letting happen to your life, to your dreams, to your goals, because the only thing it's going to do is stop you in your tracks and give you lots of reason for regret on your deathbed. And we don't want that. So let's dive in. And for those of you who are going to be. Who are tuning in, welcome. I am doing this from Stream Yards. I'm streamyarding to the Facebooks, to LinkedIn and to YouTube. Sometimes Streamyard doesn't show me everyone's comments. So if you comment and I don't shout you out because I do love this to be interactive. It is not you. I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong. It is just the technology messing with us. So, anyway, welcome. If you have any questions, I'd love to hear them, or if you have some input, please, please pop them in the chat. So here's what happens when you're so overwhelmed that you just stop and don't do anything. And we all know this feeling, right? We have a big, big goal or like a big project that we need to tackle. And we create a very intense, big action plan to take it on. And then when we start acting in the action plan, we realize that we didn't prioritize well. And so everything seems critical, everything seems important. And so we stop. Because our brains don't function very well when we can't prioritize. It's like we have seven different things that all seem critical. Which one do we act on first? And if you can't figure that out, then what often happens is you go onto LinkedIn or onto Instagram or in your email and you do some bullshit work. Maybe you tidy your workspace, maybe go and make a snack. Maybe you even get so overwhelmed that you go onto Netflix and just think, I'm just gonna watch one show, which then turns into seven, because we know how this goes anyway. Have compassion for yourself in that moment. I get it. We've all been there. And also realize that there are. You're probably experiencing a feeling, a few different things on a deeper level. Okay, so typically when one of my clients comes to me with this paralysis, overwhelm from overwhelm, there's a few deeper things going on. First and foremost, you're freaked out and stopped in your tracks because you actually don't know how to do the thing. So it's really easy to say, okay, cool, and I'm just going to use fitness as an example here because you know, it's pretty accessible to everyone. The link, the lingo is the same. So say you, like, tell yourself that you're gonna go and you're gonna run like a five mile run, but you really, actually don't really know the mechanics of it. You don't really know what you have to do to set yourself up. You don't know, like the food you should be eating beforehand, how much water you should be drinking. Like, there's a lot of stuff that you do actually need to know how to do to make that viable for your body. And you know, you can get started, but then you can get frustrated really fast because your knees start hurting or this starts hurting. And you don't really understand how you should be treating your body to get this done. The same thing happens in your business. So you may think, okay, cool, I'm going to put together a marketing plan. But then you sit down at your computer and you're like, well, shit, I don't, I don't know the first thing about marketing. What am I, like, what am I doing here? Oh, should I just be posting on Facebook and saying, hey, I'm accepting clients or, you know, I have a Black Friday deal, who wants a free coaching session? It's exhausting. So if you, if you actually don't know how to do it, the solution's pretty easy. You know, get help. Get help. Invest in a training program, invest in a coach, invest in a mentor. Lean into peer mentors that are just a couple steps ahead of you, who are generous and might give you their time. There are tons of programs out there. You just have to find the one that's the right fit for you. For instance, like, I know some of my clients really want to work one on one with me. They want to work one on one. They want that hands on, intimate guidance, like, let's figure out a plan that works uniquely for you. Some other clients, they really just want to know what's in my brain. They want the training and so like the group programs right for them. There are also other people in the world who actually do video programs, which I have bought all of them, and I've never finished a single one, doesn't work for me. So you just have to find the thing that's going to work for you, okay? So. But do not let. I don't know how get in your way, because that's a bullshit reason not to go and do the thing, okay? That's number one. You're being a weenie because you're letting I don't know how get in the way of you going after the thing you really, really want, okay? So that's. That's cause number one of overwhelm, paralysis. Now, root cause number two, I. I really want to make a Tommy boy reference here, because this is his whole shtick, is that sometimes you just want to guarantee. You know, this seems like a lot of work. You know, like, again, the fitness thing, you want a guarantee that you're going to get down to your ideal weight, that you're going to have a body that you love, that you're going to lose a certain amount of pounds if you commit to, you know, eating a restrictive diet and working out a certain amount of times per week and saying no to fun things and all the stuff. Babes, I'm so sorry. There are no guarantees in life, okay? There are no guarantees at all. It's so funny. So sometimes people come to me and they want a guarantee that working with me will result in a successful business for them. And I have to break the news to them that that's really impossible for me to give because, you know, I work with my clients a few hours a month, you know, depending on how much they lean on me. And I offer guidance and I help them through mindset blocks, and I give them, like, customized training on how they can do the stuff that is going to be the best fit to their personality and their brand. That being said, you know, I can talk until I'm blue in the face. I can work with them until I pass out of exhaustion. They have to be the one that goes out and does the work, okay? And even then, you know, figuring out the. The market fit for what you have to offer and what the world is wanting to buy from you is a dance with the universe. So it's going to be an evolution. And there's no guarantee that the first thing you try is going to work, but you have to keep trying. I'm listening to Stacey Abrams book right now, Lead from the Outside, and she's talking about how when she was in law school, she tried out for the Glee Club, which I didn't even realize law school had lead clubs, which, I mean, I guess. I guess lawyers who are in training have to sing too. But anyway, so she went and she immediately failed. She immediately failed. They had her try to sing scales and she hadn't even trained on scales. And so she realized that she had failed, but she. She realized also that she just hadn't prepared enough for it. And she referred to this friend who had like an embroidered thing on, on their desk that says if at first you. You fail, try again and try again, but after you try again, like, give up, because no one likes to look stupid, which I thought was hysterical. And in some cases, yes, like, good advice. But if you're really wanting to create your own business, you have to just keep iterating and changing, okay? You're not going to try the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, okay? But you are going to change your offering. Maybe your ideal client avatar, maybe your marketing strategies. You're going to find the way that works, okay? If you keep at it. Okay? So if you're waiting for a guarantee on anything in this, I'm sorry, you're just never gonna get it. And you should probably just give up if you're wanting. If you're not willing to do this without a guarantee, just give up now because you're gonna be so frustrated. But if you're willing, if it. If your dream is worth putting in the effort and the energy and the money and the time and the blood and the sweat, then do it without a guarantee. Because let me tell you, when you get to the other side and it, it works and it's successful and you tried a million things and like, three of them worked out. It is the best feeling in the world. It is the best feeling in the world because you stuck with it and you made it happen. It's like you're an alchemist. It's like you can turn thin air into gold, but you can't get there if you're waiting for a guarantee. Okay, stop waiting for a guarantee. Okay? So that's root cause number two of why you're getting into overwhelm paralysis is because you're wanting a guarantee from all the shit that you have in front of you that it'll work out. Jason, you forgot the tears with blood and the sweat. Yes, well, sometimes they just all mix together on your face and it just creates like this. This stew of misery in your skin. Thanks. Great point, Jason. You know, it's not a glamorous thing, starting your own business, sometimes it can look really, really ugly now, okay? So number three, the root cause that you're getting, like, paralysis from overwhelm is that at some point you broke trust with yourself, okay? And I'm talking to you, you that are the Katie McManuses of the world, that are the weenies that bought all the online courses, because I did that too, okay? I probably spent about $30,000 on various online courses. And here's the crazy part. I still buy them knowing full well that I'm probably not going to do them, because I love the access to the information and all this stuff. And in an ideal world, I'm going to be that kind of person who can sit down at her computer for 10 hours straight and listen to some bullshit video course that's full of fluff. Probably not going to happen. But here's what happens. When you invest in the wrong things. When you invest in the wrong things that aren't a fit for your learning style, for your personality, for the type of business you want to grow, you're not going to see it through. You're going to make this huge investment, which it feels huge. It might not be that huge, but it feels huge because you don't have any money coming in. You're going to make these big investments into stuff that, that you're going to be like, this is the thing that's going to save me. This is the thing that's going to make this dream real. But because it's not a fit for you, you're never going to see it through. Like, let's just be real. You're never going to see it through, and that's okay. But you need to stop setting yourself up to break trust with yourself, okay? Because you're the only person in the world that you should be able to trust. I know that sounds cynical, but it's true. Especially in growing your business. No one else cares as much as you do, okay? But if you keep proving to yourself over and over and over again that, oh, I said I was going to do this and I didn't do it, and I said I was going to do this and I didn't do it, and I said I was going to do this and I didn't do it, you're just creating a very solid storyline that you're the kind of person who says they're going to do something and then doesn't do it. And so you need to change your tactics here. You need to stop investing in the shit that is not designed for you. You need to Start investing in stuff that is designed for you, that is going to support you and hold you accountable and allow for you to rebuild that trust with yourself. Okay? And for some people, this is one on one coaching. For other people it's a group program. And for some crazy people out there, they actually get stuff out of video programs. Good for you. Anyway, you need to start building up trust with yourself again. Okay? By the way, if you're the kind of person who wants one on one coaching and that's the thing that works for you, or you want a group program, those are two things that I offer. And if you're getting stuck here on any of these things, you need to send me a dm because let's get on the handle and make sure that you are actually moving this ball forward because I'm sick and tired of you not doing this. And I know you're sick and tired of you not doing this. Okay? So shoot me a DM if any of this resonates. Okay? Okay. Next, the fourth reason why you're in overwhelmed paralysis is because you are committed to this all or nothing mentality. I'm gonna let you sit with that for a second. All or nothing. Now what this looks like, looks like for me because I'm this kind of person. I'm just basically telling you what kind of person I am because I think I just attach or I attract the kind of people that are similar to me. All or nothing. You want to get in shape, right? And so you don't just say, I'm going to go running three times a week. No, that's not your style. No. You create a crazy ass 7 day workout schedule that has you in the gym an hour a day doing a million different things. Each day it's different. There's no routine there. It's just different things to hit all the buckets. You also decide, okay, cool. Along with this huge change in my schedule where I'm going to be doing all this hard work, I'm also going to be completely changing my diet. I'm going to change my meal plan, which means you now have another couple hours of cooking every week in your schedule, which is already full. You're also then looking at your sleep schedule and saying, you know what? 7 hours or 6 hours or whatever you're getting right now. Not enough. I'm gonna go to bed at 8pm every night and be up at 5. Okay? So you've already set yourself up for failure before you've even started because it's way too many changes to be Implementing when you're trying to make a shift in your, in your body or in your business or whatever, one little change. So if, but here's the thing. When you set this whole plan in motion, Monday morning rolls around, maybe you do make it to the gym, and maybe you do have that healthy breakfast that you planned for yourself. But then lunchtime rolls around and maybe you don't go for the walk that you promised yourself that you would do. Or maybe you have a cookie after lunch, or maybe at dinner you have a couple glasses of, of wine and that wasn't in the plan. And now, because you have failed in that very first day or two in some small way to not stick to the huge, big complicated plan that you'd set for yourself, you say, I, I've already failed. It's already done. So I'm just going to throw out the rest of the plan. I'll do it again next week. And what happens next week? You do that again. This also, by the way, ties into proving to yourself that you're not trustworthy. Okay? All these fold in together, okay? So you need to stop with the all or nothing plans. You need to start with the small, good enough plants. Okay? Small good enough. Get yourself out there, make small changes that have big rewards. Often you can't figure this out for yourself. You need an outside brain, an outside set of eyes that can look and see. Okay, cool. Here's the thing that's going to make the biggest difference for you right now. So if you're in this, know that usually an outside brain will help you with this. This is where mentorship, peer mentorship, like, you know, someone who's a couple steps above of you, you know, friends who call on you or a proper one on one coach is going to be really helpful, okay? So stop with the all or nothing mentality. It's not serving you, it's causing you to stop yourself in your tracks. Finally, the fifth core reason you get overwhelmed or paralysis from overwhelm is that you are a smart, capable, can do figure it out person. And you have figured shit out before. Okay? You can do hard things. You're intelligent, like there's no question of that. But you have attached figuring this out on your own to, to being proof that you are intelligent and capable. And let's just take a step back for a second because no one in the fucking world besides yourself is questioning whether you're intelligent and capable. You're the only person here doing that, okay? And honestly, it's a shitty party to be at. So why Are you hanging out there? Okay, why are you at the I'm not intelligent or capable unless I can get this thing done and figured out party? It's not a great place. The drinks there suck. Okay? The snacks are not wonderful. So let's, let's look at different areas of your life where, yes, you could have figured it out and yet you chose not to because you figured out that, like, it's more economical for time, money, energy, the bloody sweaty tears. As Jason pointed out, if you ask someone else to either show you how do it for you, guide you to a better way, because, yeah, you absolutely can figure it out yourself. But for something that someone else has already taken 10 years to figure out and to build, is it going to take you 10 years, 15, 20? And then what? What's that going to feel like when your goal is that much further away? So let go of your pride, let go of your ego here. Yes. No one's questioning that you can't questioning that you could figure this out. We absolutely believe that you could. And also, you don't have to. It's so much easier and economical for a whole slew of reasons to just go and get some help, okay? Now when you let go of these things and you get outside eyes, you get guidance. You get guidance to like, jump ahead miles into what you want. You can get accountability. So if you've broken trust with yourself before, you know, signing up for a group program or coach or spending enough money on something that you're actually going to do, it is going to give you the accountability to actually get it done, okay? Because you committed. You committed and you might have that other person who's holding your hand and making sure that you do it. You need reality checks. You need reality checks, okay? If you're, if you're the all or nothing personality, you absolutely need reality checks, okay? You need to be told that's not realistic. You're not going to stick with all of those big problems or all those big projects. You need to pick one and implement that for like two months and then switch to something else, okay? You need a reality check that. Okay, you don't know how to do this. Go and find out from someone who's an expert here, okay? Reality checks are critical to getting out of overwhelm paralysis, okay? It also helps you prioritize what's actually important and what's bullshit, okay? And finally, you need to stop being a weenie, okay? I'm gonna be talking about this a lot because we are at the end of 2021. Okay? The world is on the verge. I know things keep happening and it's like, are we opening back up? Are we going back to the real life? It's on the verge of opening back up. And when it does, what kind of life do you want to step back into, okay? If you're not brave right now and willing to do things without a guarantee, willing to ask for help, willing to get out of your comfort zone and make this thing real already, what's 2022 going to look like? What's every year after that going to look like? So stop being weenie, stop holding yourself back, stop making yourself small and step into what you know you were meant to do. Okay? And if you need any help with any of this, I'm here. This is my, this is my life's work. I'm here. I have a group program. I have one on one coaching spots available. I actually, I only have one available, so if you want one of those, you have to hop on fast. But there are also a million people like me. There are a million group programs. There are, you know, thousands upon thousands of video courses. If that's your thing, just go and get some flipping help, okay? Because I'm sick and tired of you being a weenie, holding yourself small and not giving the world your gifts. Andrew Barber. Ack. There you go again. I know, I'm a weenie. Geez. Okay, I'll stop. Andrew, I, I love that. And let me just out myself, okay? I'm a weenie too. We're all weenies. It takes one to no one, okay? The only people who don't doubt themselves and have fear are psychopaths and sociopaths, okay? And we're not that. We have empathy, okay? So I, I speak as another weenie who's decided to be brave, okay? And go and do the thing that, you know. I'm calling upon all the other weenies to just be brave weenies. So my fellow brave weenie, welcome. Yeah, stop. Stop playing the weenie game and start playing the brave game. Because you can do it. I mean, the worst that's going to happen is you try something that doesn't work and then you try something else, right? Anyway, if you are like me and an overwhelmed paralysis today, here's a quick thing that you can do, okay? You're going to make a list of all the things that are stressing you out that you need to get done and then you're going to highlight the things that are critical before you can do anything else, okay? So say you need to Vacuum your house and yet you have clothes everywhere. Picking up the clothes is going to be step number one because you can't vacuum under clothes if they're covering the floor. You're going to highlight those first step things and then you're going to find the one that is the least miserable, okay? You're just going to pick the one that is the most fun, the easiest for you to do, okay? And give yourself that dopamine hit, okay? Because once you have that dopamine hit, that's the hormone that gets released. When we cross things off of a to do list, or as Lee Turner likes to call it, a TADA list. When we do that, it actually does make us feel feel good on a hormonal level. So you're going to pick the one that's the easiest thing for you to do and you're going to go do that. Okay? And then you're just going to pick the next one that's the easiest thing to do and go do that thing. We're not trying to eat the freaking frog here, okay? That only works for neurally normal people. That's not us. Anyway, I have to get back to work because I have a lot of things on my list. And so I thank you for joining me, Andrew and Jason. Thanks for interacting. And if you are in any of these things, and I'm, I'm doing this over here because I have all my points that I was going to make. If you don't know how, if you are a guaranteed chaser, if you've broken trust with yourself, if you have that all or nothing mentality, and if you are holding yourself to the standard that you should be able to figure this out. I need you to DM me. I need you to DM me because I can either offer you resource that I actually provide or I can point you in the right direction. Okay? Because there's no reason for you to stay here anyway. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. Happy Monday. You'll be seeing a lot from me this week and in weeks to come because I do have my group program launching in January and I hope to see you in it. It's called BYOB Build your own business. And if you have any questions for me on any of this, shoot me a dm. You know where to find me. Anyway, Happy Monday and I will talk to you all soon.