Katie McManus, a business owner, says male clients calling her "dear" is patronizing and hurts her credibility. She asks ESL teachers whether they teach the cultural norms around formal language, since many languages mark formality in ways English doesn't.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but it is not okay to call women dear in a business setting. I just rejected a potential client because in our communications, he started calling me dear. And I find that term incredibly patronizing and rude. And I just don't put up with that kind of shit in my business. And it brings up a couple questions for me. For context. I own my own business. I have been doing this for about six plus years, and I work with clients all around the world, literally from Australia to the Middle East. And really the only time I run into this issue is when I'm interacting with men from a country that their original language is not English. And first and foremost, I want to acknowledge learning a second language is incredibly hard. Okay, well, I used to be fluent in French. I'm probably not anymore. But one of the first things that you learn in a foreign language is how not to offend other people. So for instance, in French you have the formal you and you have the informal you. Okay, the familiar you. So you either use vu for people who, that you're just meeting or people that you want to show respect to, or in business settings, or you're saying to. This is usually to people who are younger or if you're in a really casual setting and you know them really well, you don't just to anyone. It's. It's incredibly, incredibly rude. So when I learned French, this was one of the first things I learned is basically how not to offend people. And so I'm curious if you, if you teach esl, if you have had any interaction with English as a second language courses outside of the US do they teach this, do they teach like the different terms that are seen as rude? Because I understand in English it could be really confusing because we do not have that formal you and that informal you. But there are so many terms that when used in a business setting and, and really towards someone that is a stranger, towards someone who you do not have an intimate relationship with, is just plain creepy. It's really creepy. And it makes, first and foremost, it makes women feel, you know, a whole bunch of ways about it. But it also like, paints the picture of this person being incredibly disrespectful to women and being patronizing or misogynistic to women. And I don't think a lot of who are coming from these countries that don't, that are learning English as a second language, I don't think that they intend that impression, but that's the impression they give. So my first question I Guess is like, what the fuck are these. These teachers teaching them when they're learning English? Because it's not an appropriate word to use with strangers or with people that you want to do business with. For you ladies out there who do business online, who have to interact with people all over the world, and of course, like, that's a beautiful gift. Curious, what are the language quirks that creep you out, make you feel all kinds of skeeved and generally just make you feel disrespectful? And if you're in English as a second language teacher in a foreign country and you're working with people who really want to be able to do business and have a profession in English speaking country, please, please, can you tell me a. Do you guys clarify on whether or not people should call people dear? Can you please start teaching your students to not use words like this, to not use the word dear, especially when speaking to women in English speaking countries? Because what it's literally doing is it's cutting off opportunities to them, okay? They may want a job in an English speaking country. And if they refer to the woman hiring manager, the woman recruiter, the woman in HR as dear, it gets flagged as an absolute no go in a lot of environments. Case in point, I don't work with people who. And I don't accept clients. I literally will not take money from people who call me dear. Okay? I find it incredibly disrespectful. So if you're not teaching this, can you please start. Can you please start changing the curriculum so that you set your students up to have access to a bunch of different opportunities?
