What's Your Story?

Sam. Hey, Katie.

Hi, Tanya.

I'm so excited.

Me too.

Oh, how's your day gone?

Oh, it's good. It's. It's non stop. You've already seen me once today.

I know, yeah.

It's just this. This week I have managed my schedule very badly and I normally limit myself to like five hours. Five hours of like solid work, but, you know, five hours of scheduled work. And there have been three days this week where I had 10 hours.

Don't you love it when coaches screw up?

Oh my God, it's the worst. Because it's like I tell people how to not do this all, all the time and why can't I take my own advice?

That's why coaches need coaches.

I know, right?

That's why I have you.

Right? I know, I know. And I have my whole slew of. Of support teams and everything. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. So before we get started, I do want to say hi to everybody and say Hi to Katie McManus, who is my coach.

Yay.

And so we're going to just share a few stories and we'd love everybody to ask us anything you want to ask, especially what it's like for a coach to be coached or anything like that. That's what we're here for.

Yeah. And Tanya, I'm sorry, there's this moth I've been trying to kill. Forget it. Oh, wait, it came closer. I killed it.

I did it. I killed the moth.

Okay. Like, oh, no, my brother wasn't watching.

He would not be happy with you. He would have picked it up and taken it outside.

No, this. This mofo was like trying to eat my clothes earlier. Yeah, I can't have that. I just can't have that. I can't risk them coming back in.

I got a question. Can you exchange languages with someone via chat?

Exchange languages.

That's a new one for me.

I don't know.

I will find out and they'll have an answer for the next time.

Yeah.

Yeah, Good question.

I don't know. I wish I could exchange languages with someone. What language would you speak if you could exchange languages with someone else?

Me?

Yeah.

Italian.

Yeah.

Yeah, I understand Russian really well.

Right, because you have a Russian family. Yeah.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. What are you talking about? We don't know. We're bouncing off of you.

That's right. All right, so, Katie, I have a. I have a question and then I actually have a few, but the first one because I'm super curious and I can't believe I don't know this. So tell me the story about your tagline.

Oh, I mean, my tag. Here's the bad thing is that everyone thinks there's a big story behind it. I honestly don't remember. I think I had a couple glasses of wine and was like, this will be funny. I'll just do this as a joke. And then it took off and I haven't. I don't remember. I mean, I don't. I'm not saying I was, like, blackout drunk. I'm just saying that, like, I was going through a phase where I was, like, changing my tagline, like, every couple weeks.

Yeah.

And so it just stopped being a special moment to me. I was just like, whatever, I'll try this thing next. And I wish I knew. I mean. Yeah, it just. I think I was trying to find a funny way to. To, like, call people out for being afraid and, like, acting from that place of fear.

Yeah.

You know, and it's funny because it doesn't actually translate across languages. Well, it actually doesn't translate to British English. So British people just think I'm telling people that they're a hot dog or it's like a piece of the male anatomy. They're like, they think I don't know that that is like a penis, you know? And I'm like, I know, I know. I mean, all of it.

Yeah. Well, I know that is that obviously hiring you as my coach. It was more than your tagline. But I really loved it. It really resonated with me because I think at the moment when I really needed a strong coach, I needed somebody to tell me, stop being a weenie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and here's the thing. Like, we get so crunchy and serious about what my bio is going to be and what this is going to be, and it's like, just use something that shows your personality a bit. Really. Because I'm a firm believer. Much like pizza is a delivery system for cheese and carbs, words are a delivery system for energy.

Yeah.

And so, like, if you use words that carry the right energy for you, like, you can say anything and it'll come across and people will be like, that's what I need. I need. I need that in my life.

Yeah. And I believe that.

Absolutely. But I'm so sorry. I know, like, you were probably thinking it was going to be this wild and interesting story. What a let down. I apologize. I'll try to be more interesting from here on out.

All right, so I have a question. So yesterday you were coaching me and I remember one of my responses. Responses was looking back and connecting the dots. Yeah. So I. So my question is, looking back on your life, what story, when you look back and go, oh, that's why that happened. I. You didn't know why it happened at the time, liked it or didn't like it, but now you look back and go, that's why that happened.

Yeah, I have a bunch of those. So when. Oh, okay. So in 2017, I was in a very serious car accident. Like if this car car hit me, T boned me while I was making a left hand turn. They were trying to pass me in the other lane from behind. They team T boned me going 50 miles an hour. And literally if I had gone just a fraction slower in my turn, like I was six inches from dying, basically I had massive head injury. It was a mild traumatic brain injury and slash concussion. I'm not really sure how you categorize it all and what the correct name is, because I was very concussed as it happened. And then I was, I was talking to all the doctors, but I had to be off work for like eight months. And in those eight months I also managed to lay myself in an abusive relationship and just everything kind of like burned my life down in ways that required me to really face the fact that I am a codependent and I had to do that work on myself.

Yep.

Because there are a lot of ways where I was just letting everyone walk all over me and then I was getting resentful over it and it wasn't like a powerful place to live your life from. I. I had spent so many years wanting to be a coach but, like, writing myself off because I was in my 20s and like, I was young and who wants to listen to someone who's young, you know, Like, I don't have anything to say, like, completely discrediting myself before I even gave myself a chance. And I kept settling for these jobs that like, were so boring. Like, and it's so bad I kept having to switch companies because it's terrible when you're bored by the thing that you're selling. Like, you can fake it for about a year and then after a year, like, you cannot pretend to have any enthusiasm for something that you were bored with to begin with, but you're now, like, bored of pretending to have interest in it.

Would have had to have worn your weenie costume by that point.

I know, I know. I wouldn't, I definitely wouldn't have. I mean, I was definitely operating from a completely weenie place.

Yeah.

You know, and it really took like that accident, the abusive relationship. Thankfully, the job I had at the time, like, they had an amazing support system with their HR and like disability leave and all that stuff. So, like, I actually had some support, but I never would have. I don't think I ever would have have done coaching if I hadn't been that accident. I think I would still be leaving a sales job every one to one and a half years, jumping to new company, selling a new thing, getting bored with it, you know, still being in crappy relationships and friendships.

Yeah, but.

Yeah, right. But in the moment, it was like, oh, my God, my car's totaled, I have this concussion, not allowed to, like, even listen to music.

How many years did you take off your parents life? It's funny.

It happened on my mom's birthday.

Oh, no.

My mom's birthday. And so I called my dad, like, from the, from the, the accident site. I'm like, okay, so I need to just practice telling this to you first because I know when I call mom, like, I don't want to fall apart because it's her birthday. I don't want to ruin that part. I'm really good in shock. I'm very put together when I'm in shock.

That's good to know. Yeah.

Yeah. Any. Any traumatic situation, I pretty much just go right into like action mode, sort through the things, and then I fall apart later.

Yeah.

But, yeah, hindsight, you know, that's a big dot that I was able to connect a lot of other dots from.

Yeah. And. And I mean, not that I wished you had gone through it. No. Yeah. You're such a stronger person and you can coach on so many things because. Because of it.

Oh, totally. 100%. You know, and. And here's what I've learned throughout it, is that when you're picking a coach, and I know you know this, when you're picking a coach, you really have to be conscious about picking a coach who has also done their own work. Right, Right. Because the last thing you want is, like, you're being super vulnerable and open and you're like, dealing with something that feels really hard to deal with, and it's activating something in your coach and they can't be with you in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Lauren. Talk about coaches.

I know.

For being here.

Oh, well.

And that was one of the things, as you say that when I was on my first live last week. Or no, maybe it was when I was on Chris Hennessey's Ending the Stigma. One of my Clients got on and heard my story as a teenager and my dad being in jail and being a drug addict and how that affected me through my childhood. And he's like, texting me afterwards. No wonder you're such a badass coach. You don't put up with excuses. Look what you've been through.

Yeah, yeah.

He had no. I mean, I don't share that stuff with clients, you know, on a regular coach call.

Well, yeah, you know, in our. In our coach calls, it's not about us, it's about our clients.

Right.

And so. And it's so funny. I don't know if you experience this, but, like, I go through moments where it's after work and something really funny happens or something. Like, I see something and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I want to call my friend, but it's like it's a client, it's not a friend. But I feel so close to them because I know all the intimate parts of their life and they. They basically know only the things I choose to share on. On social media.

Right, right. What's.

I mean, I do share a lot on social media, but.

You share taking a nap on social media. I know.

I shared about having breast reduction surgery and having stitches around my nipples on LinkedIn. That was so funny. It was just.

I have not seen that one. How long ago was.

Was great. It was months ago. I'll have to repost it.

Yeah. I haven't gotten quite that brave yet, but I have a feeling working with you, it's going to happen.

Well, and here's the thing. The thing I love about social media, and I can't imagine building a business in any other time of history, is that you're basically just giving people an insight as to who you are and what it's like to be around you. Right. You're just giving them a sense of your sense of humor, how you think the important things in your world and letting them opt in or opt out from there.

Yeah, yeah. And I, and I firmly, I firmly believe it's okay to share a little. I remember one time when I was coaching for an internal coaching company and we coached in quads and we always had a mentor in that. Like when I first started, one of the coaches was, quote, the mentor. And obviously when I left, I was a mentor in one of the quads. But. And afterwards, her, she would give me feedback every day on my coaching, and it was like, tanya, you share too much. They don't even know. My clients don't even know if I'm married or if I have kids. And I'm like, you know, And I remember after a couple of months of her giving me feedback, I went to my boss and said, you need to move me into a different quad. Yeah, yeah. Because am I taking 20 minutes and talking about myself? No, but am I taking two. Two minutes to say, yeah, my daughter's pregnant, or something exciting about that? Yeah, they gotta know a little bit.

Totally. I mean, it just holds trust, you know, it's. And it's funny, that whole mentality of you. They can't know anything about you. Comes from therapy, where you're dealing with, like, severe mental disorders and emotional disorders, and you don't want them, like, projecting onto you. Right, right. And also, like, depending on what kind of therapist you are, that may or may not be relevant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, there's a few minutes where I'm like, okay, enough about me. It's about you for the next 28 minutes or 45, whatever it is. They're like, shoot. Don't you have anything else you want to tell me? Like, no. Infamous for the pivot.

I know, right?

I know. So what was that moment when you decided to become a coach?

So I had coaches basically from age 20, 22 or 24. It was an. It was an even number. And it was early in my twenties, and her name was Padma, which actually wasn't her real name. It was, like, her coach name. And she was only, like, $200 a month. And we started working on. I think I wanted to start, like, a wine education business because it was when I was in the wine industry, and a friend had really talked me into it, so I wasn't really fully into it. And she laid out, you know, kind of a business plan as to how I could do it. And it, like, I liked the time I spent with her, and also, I didn't do anything with it, but I knew from that experience on that I wanted to do something where I could support people in that way.

Yeah. Yeah.

And so, anyway, so I had coaches on and on and on and off throughout my 20s, and I don't know, I feel like they just were always there, like, for the last stage of something when I was about to jump off a cliff. And they just showed me, like. Like, believed in me enough and showed me that I could believe in myself enough. And I'm like, this is just so magical. Like, I want to be able to do this for people. I want to be able to, like, help them, like, not push them off the cliff. But, like, I Want to be there, to be like, you can do this and you can survive. And it's funny. The cti. So we both are CTI trained. Coactive Training Institute. I had stocked their website for like, five years before I hit the buy button. And I actually never spoke to someone at the organization. A previous coach had said, if you're going to get certified, go to this place. It's amazing. He didn't go there, but he had colleagues who went there, and he was very impressed by it. So.

Yeah, you were in one of my. You. You were in one of the classes. We were in one of the classes.

Yeah, we were in classes together. That's right.

Isn't that funny? It's a small world. You know, back when they were in person classes.

I know, I know. I kind of miss that. I miss. I miss being with people. I'm an extreme extrovert. So I. Being alone all the time. And this job is very social because you are talking to your clients all the time. But it does get a little lonely and a little nutty in my head when I'm at home all the time.

Yeah, I totally get that. And the two years of COVID I am an introvert. I am okay with being alone. But I also figured out there was a limit. You. Yes. I love people and I gotta go home and be alone to recharge. Right? Yeah. So two years of being alone. I served 91 clients during COVID and they kept me company. It was crazy. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

It was exhausting.

I just went live a lot. I found that going live, like, I felt less alone. Cause you have people in the chat, like, you know, you'd get DMs afterwards. You'd really get to connect with people and you wouldn't know who you're connecting with. I kind of like that. And anonymity.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very cool. All right, so do you have a question? All fair in love and war. Do you?

No, totally. So I'm curious about this whole boat journey you took instead of going, so you. I mean, I don't know how much you shared on this show, but I know you, like, skipped college and just were like, I'm gonna hop on a boat for the rest of my life.

Well, not the rest of my life.

I know, I know.

Totally a no judgment zone, right?

No, not at all.

Okay. So, you know a little bit of my childhood. Right. In fact, I was. I had an aha moment when I was on the LinkedIn Live with Chris saying. Because he said the same Thing, you know, didn't you? The day you graduated from high school, I read somewhere that you got in an airplane and flew to Australia and hopped on a boat. And I said yes. And then we were talking about, you know, what was going on, and I think it was totally to the scale escape all of that.

Right.

And I did. And so I knew a guy, so he was 27, I was 17 the day I graduated, graduated, full ride to Georgetown, totally on track to be President of the United States. That's what I wanted to be when I grew up. And this guy made me an offer and I said yes, hopped on a plane and went to Australia because he was 27 and I was 17 and hopped on his brother's 64 foot sailboat till I was 18. And then we got my own boat and came back to the United. Our own boat and came back to the United States. Wow. And then we lived on it for eight years. I mean, we sailed for eight years. Yeah. And then it wasn't a healthy relationship.

Right, right, right.

And at that point we went our separate ways and that's that. And I learned a lot, you know, during that time. I learned, well, how to varnish because that was my first job was I. We varnished, our boat was beautiful and I did all the varnish work. So we'd go into a port, into a harbor, and people would go, who does your varnish work? And I'd raise my hand, this little 17 year old, and they'd paint. And back then, now you gotta realize this was like over 30 years ago. Yeah, right.

Okay, so varnish work. I'm from Cape Cod. I know a little nautical talk, but that's what you scrape off the barnacles and you repaint the bottom of the boat, right?

No, that's when you take like the teak, like on like all the handrails and stuff on the boat, and you do sand it and rewarnish it like every month because all the salt water and all that is eating away at it.

Oh, my God.

Yep. So they'd hire me for 15 an hour. And back then that was a lot of money because you still make 15 an hour at some jobs, right?

Yeah, Seriously.

So that was my first job. And then I started to write for Cruising World magazine. So my first article got rejected and here I am graduating straight A's, full ride to Georgetown. And they say you write like crap. Didn't say it like that. And then again, back then it wasn't like you go online and take a class. I had to do A correspondence where you had to mail the homework back and forth. Right. And get graded. And so after I passed that class, I submitted my next article and they immediately bought it for $500. And I started writing.

That's incredible.

Yeah.

That's so cool.

So a lot of independence, you know, My ex wouldn't let me sail the boat by myself unless I could jump in the water in the dark or, you know, close my eyes, it's dark, or whatever. And threw a rope and I had to tie a bowline behind my back. And then he's like, okay, you're good. You can go sailing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's funny because it's like, so on brand. Like, you were. You were boat Tanya back then. And everything you had to do had to do with boats in some way, shape or form. And really like that. I mean, when you're building a business, you start off with, like, some. Like, you do one thing, you do varnish work, and then you can add on different. Different, you know, types of services to that.

Yeah, yeah. Well. And a lot of my metaphors are not boating. Right. And hence, you can see on my logo, I've got a compass. You know, it's just. I mean, I love that time. It was fun. Hey, Gretchen. Thanks for coming in. And, yes, it's important to connect with clients. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then from there, my ex also flew airplanes. And so we landed in Maine, and they needed someone to manage the airport, so we said yes, and I got my pilot's license and got my ratings and started teaching. And he ran the maintenance department, and that was a whole other chunk of my life.

That's so funny. I worked at an airport, too, for, like, half a summer.

Yeah. Then you got bored.

I didn't get bored. I got sexually harassed and I didn't like it.

That's not. Well. And I did, too. I mean, I wish back then. Again, when I connect the dots, and I think how, you know, how things affected me today is what happened back then is the very first time I hopped in an airplane, you know, I was 26. You know, 26, cute. Worked out a lot. Hopped in an airplane with my flight instructor, who was probably 50. And the first thing he did was put his hand on my lap. Second thing I did after our flight lesson was fire him.

Good. Good for you.

And I had to go through three flight instructors until I finally landed one that was. And he was young, he was great, and he left me alone other than to teach me what I needed to know.

Right.

Yeah. Right.

It's insane that women have to go through that in the aeronautic. Well, because I mean, I worked at this private hangar where private jets would come in and so there's a lot of like charter pilots.

Yeah.

And there was like, their companies didn't have hr, our company didn't have hr. And so they would say things to me that were just nauseating and I couldn't do anything about it.

Now. Didn't you want to just punch him in the nose?

I did.

Seriously.

In the nose?

Yeah. I'm in an airplane. I would have done anything to pull that door and kick him out, you know?

It was awful. I know.

Hey, Chris. Hi, Chris, thank you for being here. Your ears must have been burning. We were talking about you earlier.

Yes, it's hard not to when he likes is so instrumental in helping all this come to pass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I actually. Chris, you'd be so proud. I actually started the intro and everything by myself. My son in law is, is out, you know, working the Nutty Duo Granola Co. Really hard today and he's doing a farmer's market. So. Yeah, I flew solo today. Not over yet though. Katie gave me a few gray hair.

I know. I. My pilates lesson went a little late. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, well, sorry. I won't be late next time, I promise.

Okay, so question. Favorite quote, book, movie, anything that you. Whenever you feel like you need motivation or you want to share motivation, is there anything that you go to?

You know my new favorite quote. I was thinking about this the other day because have you seen that new show the Gilded Age on hbo?

I have not.

Oh, it's so good. It's Meryl Streep's daughter.

Okay.

Christine Baranski, if you know who she is. Yep, it's Cynthia Nixon. It's a bunch of other, like, it's Nathan Lane, isn't it?

Okay, so I'm looking it up tonight.

Their cast is so good. And Christine Baranski, she plays like this really like kind of militant, like old, like rich in New York in the Gilded Age. And she like has all these sayings and she's kind of not nice, but like she has standards. And she has this one saying that really struck me as I watched it for like the third time was that if you don't want to be disappointed, help those who help themselves. Like help those who are already working on themselves. Yeah, Lauren agrees with me. The Gilded Age is awesome. And I don't usually like period pieces. And Lauren, I, that I, I forgive you a little Bit for not having read Harry Potter. Now. Now that we're on the same page with the Gilded Age.

Just a little. Just a little.

But. No but. And it's so true. Like in, in my business, like when I have hired people in the past, like to. To help out someone who is really struggling, you know, like, I always want to have that, that sense of charity and support, but it always ended badly because they weren't. They weren't out to help themselves. They were kind of out for. Not necessarily a handout, but like, you know, they weren't putting in the extra effort to really make sure that they could make something a success.

Yeah.

And I think whenever someone gives you a chance, like, it's on you to make like take that opportunity and run with it.

Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So now we have people gonna be turning on the Gilded Age. I know. Tonight.

Including talking about your story, not mine. Sorry, I didn't mean to out you. You haven't read Harry Potter, so. Okay, so that's one. That's one.

So if I tell Lauren I haven't read Harry Potter, are we going to be instant friends?

I'm. I'm questioning. Well, the other, the other thing or book that I really like, that I point to a lot is Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Have you read it?

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. My. My favorite story in that. It's not a quote. My favorite story in that is that there's this friend she has who's like an artist and he's hanging out in. In France and you know, he makes all these friends and you know, he's really trying to make his art happen. And he just keeps plugging him, keep plugging and keep plugging. And they invite him to a costume party, right? And he's like so excited and he's like, I'm gonna have the best costume. So he makes this magnificent paper mache lobster costume. Right. You remember the story, right? Yeah, Look. So he makes this and he goes to this party and it's this beautiful mansion, you know, beautiful, like baroque mansion. And he goes there and they swing open the doors and he's a little late because he wanted to make an entrance and he. They swing open the doors and he walks in and everyone is dressed as nobility.

It's not.

It's like not like a normal costume party. It's like a very specific themed costume party where you had to his nobility from like the French aristocracy back in the day. And like, he talks about this moment of like sheer kind of terror. Like, oh my God, I really up Like, I'm be made fun of. And in that moment, he just went with it.

Yeah.

And he just said, hello. And in French, he said, hello, I am the court lobster.

You know, See, I should have double dated. You should have dated. You should have had like a blind know who is.

But anyway, I just know him as the lobster guy. But anyway. But he was like the biggest hit of the party because he just made it work. He just went with it. He didn't get self conscious. He didn't let that, like, ruin the night. He just like, you know what? Let's just make this something new.

Yeah. And it's so cool. And as. As I. As I've gotten matured in age, that. That's. That's who I. You know, that's me being authentic. Right. It's like my kids are like, oh, weren't you embarrassed, Mom? I'm like, no, I just went with it. But if I was 20, I would have been more horrified.

I know, I know. It's funny how less and less embarrasses you as you get older.

Yeah, yeah. And it's, you know, you know, being honest and authentic and who we are. It's. I. I can't imagine any other way.

Right.

You know? All right, Ms. Katie, I want to honor the 30 minutes and everybody's time.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for having me. This has been so much fun.

It's been so much fun. And I am truthfully, a little disappointed about your weenie story.

I'm sorry. I'll. You know what I'll do? I'll make up one, and it'll be really exciting. And next time I'm on here, I will tell you the new and improved.

Okay, well, then I hope you're on soon. All right, everybody, thank you. Appreciate your time.