Your story is worth telling

Hello, everyone. I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. I am back from my trip to California. I am exhausted. It was 10 days of non stop eating and seeing friends, socially distanced and, you know, Covid safe, of course, seeing some family. It was absolutely wonderful. And it's kind of fitting that after a trip of like just pure eating at restaurants, I'm doing a live about bread. But I really want to talk about the concept that is behind this bread. And I just love bread. This is my favorite bread. And also, if you haven't made a grilled cheese sandwich out of Dave's killer bread, the 21 whole grains and seeds, I swear to God this is not like a commercial for it. I just really like it. You really have to Emmental. Emmental, which is like a Swiss cheese and petit basque. If you coat either outside with butter and then put it in the oven with that cheese so it gets all melty, put it together and then saute it so it gets crispy on the outside. Oh, c' est magnifique. It is the best grilled cheese sandwich you'll ever have in your life. Anyway, that is not the point of this evening. I wanted to talk about Dave's killer bread because A, I love it and B, I love the message. I'm just going to show you the picture of Dave here. This is a little caricature. I love the message that it accompanies, which is we all have things in our story, in our past that we are ashamed of. And when you're starting a business, it is really fucking easy to look at that stuff and think, oh, my God, well, I don't want anyone to ever find out about that part of my life. I don't want them to find out about those failures, about getting. Getting it wrong, about ever getting fired from a job or whatever. Because we think that it's going to change their perspective of us and it's going to sabotage any potential success that we might have. Now, the reason I want to talk about Dave Dahl, who is the founder of Dave's Killer Bread, is because Dave served 15 years in prison for. And I didn't memorize the list of all the things that he did that landed him in prison. But there was burglary, there was assault, there was a bunch of other things. Drug distribution. He's a recovering drug addict, he's a recovering alcoholic. I think he still smokes cigarettes. So that's the one vice that he still allows himself. He's not perfect, obviously. Okay, but the beautiful Thing about how he did this. So, like, he got out of prison and his brother allowed for him to come back and work for the family bakery. And so he started making this kind of bread and it took off. It's organic. It's really healthy. You know, he started caring about health a lot in prison. But they made it. They actually have the story on the side of the bread. This guy, you know, it would be so easy to be in that position and be afraid that people are going to judge you and not want to have to do, not want to do business with you if they found out that you had all those things. But they're featuring it on the bag. And by the way, this bread is featured in or it's carried in 22,000 stores across North America. Okay. It is a huge company. I think it sold six years ago for like $236 million. And you can fact check me on that. I don't know. I know Dave Dahl got 33 million out of it, but here's what I want you to talk about. I want to talk about today because this is a great example of how shame and fear are not useful tools in building your personal brand, in building the brand for your business. Okay, What? I mean, this bread, let's just use this example because it's so beautiful. Okay? They make this a part of the story. They employ a third of their employees, have criminal backgrounds. Okay. They make it a part of the story for the bread. It becomes super memorable at that point. Okay, it's really memorable. But also when you get in front of something like that, if you have something that you're ashamed about, if you lead with that, if you own the narrative, guess what? You own the narrative. No one is going to be able to use it against you. Okay? So I want to talk first about how shame and fear are not useful in building your brand or building your business. And hi, whoever's watching, welcome. I am doing this through Streamyard, so if you want to comment, if you have any questions or something to add, please do. I love it to be interactive, but sometimes Streamyard doesn't show me all the comments. So if you write something and I don't respond, it is not you. Sometimes just the technology just doesn't want to cooperate with me for some reason. So I see this a lot. Shame and fear getting in the way of someone building a business. And it's usually being afraid of how people will see you. And because building a business is vulnerable. Af. Right. Right. You have to put yourself out there. You have to Name exactly who you help. You have to do promotional stuff and lead with yourself. You have to talk about yourself a lot, and that's really scary, especially when we're in a world where people are so afraid of being seen as a narcissist. And I want to also acknowledge that narcissistic personality disorder is very close to sociopathy. So great. I'm so happy that there are so many people who don't want to be narcissists. And here's the good news. If you're worried about being a narcissist, guess what that means that you're not a narcissist. Because narcissists aren't worried about being narcissists, just how it goes. So. But how I see this get in the way of people building their business is they try to build a business where they get to hide. They try to build a business where they don't have to post pictures of themselves. They don't share stories about themselves. They don't make themselves memorable in any way, shape or form, right? Because they. There's like this kind of one foot in, one foot out kind of mentality. Like, okay, I'll share a little bit about my business and what I do, but I'm not going to go full into it because I don't want people to see me do this, have it crash and burn, and then have to explain to everyone that it crashed and burned and didn't go anywhere. By the way, we not only use past events of shame and fear to keep us from doing stuff because we're afraid of people finding out about it, we actually plan for that happening in the future. We're just really, really creative and we have all those bases covered. It's really amazing. We're very proactive in using our fair and shame against ourselves. So we don't really want to go full hog into this business because what if it doesn't work out? And I can tell you, a business that is built with a plan B never works. A business that is built, you know, just to see how it goes, see if it works out, never works. Okay? If you're building a business, you have to say, okay, this is what I'm doing. There's no plan B. Okay? And I'm not saying, like, you can't have another job while you're building a business so you can have a steady income, but make that part of plan A. Don't have that be your backup in case things go south. Okay? So shame and fear are never, ever, ever helpful in Building your brand or your business. I will say this is a top three thing that I work on with my clients, okay? Because it gets in the way of so much. And if you doubt yourself on that level again, congratulations. You're not a sociopath, you're not a narcissist, because they don't doubt themselves. But stop letting it get in the way of everything that is possible for you, okay? It's just not fair to you, and it's not fair to the people who are waiting for you to step into the light and serve them because they need you. Next, I want to talk about how stories make you stand out. Okay? So Dave, obviously is an extreme, okay? He assaulted people, he distributed drugs, he burglarized something. And then he leads with that story. And then, of course, he creates his caricature. Who doesn't. It doesn't really look like him. But this caricature, I mean, that looks like an ex felon, okay? So, but like, otherwise this would just be a bag of bread. And albeit a delicious bag of bread, okay? So it leads with quality. But would you remember this? Okay, so this is one of the things that public speakers who speak often and share their story do really, really well, okay? They share a little bit about their story. They share the emotional bit about their story, okay? They're not just giving a presentation with a slide deck and all that stuff because your story is compelling. Your story allows for people to empathize with you and have an emotional reaction with you and to remember you, okay? And like, I'll give an example of this. When I started my business, it did not go well. It absolutely did not go well in the beginning, okay? I thought I was going to be a dating coach for men, and I got a bunch of women clients and one dude, and I wasn't charging that much. I really wasn't, okay? I started charging more when I was doing executive coaching, but there was a point where I had only made like $13,000 for the year. And I was at this money training in New York with this owner named Monica Shaw, and she said something to me and I just lost it, okay? I started sobbing uncontrollably, ran out of the room, ran out of the building. It was December. I'm in Brooklyn. It was a very cold and windy day. And the only place I could find a sit to have a panic call with my. My coach was an alleyway. And the alleyway had an entrance on the side for a startup. So. And it's around lunchtime too. So, like, I'm Sitting there just like tears and snot just pouring out of my face. Like I can barely breathe. I'm crying so hard. And I'm on the phone with my dear coach Rick and he's just with me in it. He's just letting me, like, let it all out and he's. He's in it. He's like, okay, cool. Let's just pretend like this is never going to work. You're going to quit. You've crashed and burned your life. It's all fine. Like what? Like what's here now? It was great, brilliant coaching because I really need to get through it. I couldn't get to the reassurance bit. I couldn't get to the fix it problem until I actually went through the. I actually believe that I crashed and burned my life. And I could totally want to hide that. Okay. I could totally want to hide that and not share that with anyone and make it seem like my life has always been hunky dory, that, you know, I built this business and it's super successful and it was always on track to be super successful. Absolutely. But what's going to happen when you jump over parts of your own story that way? Well, first of all, you're a lying cow at that point. Okay. You're just a lying cow because it doesn't go that way. Okay. So it's not going to feel resonant with you. You're always going to feel like you are putting up a front, which is going to be super ick for you. And then people are going to read that, but they're not going to be sure where it comes from. So they're not really going to trust you. They're not going to really know why. You're always going to be afraid also that someone will find out about how bad things were. You're always going to be terrified of that. And I don't know, have you ever had a secret, like even something small and insignificant, and you were just constantly worried that people would find out about it. It just hung over your head until you either owned up to it or were out of that situation where it would cause you problems. So if you're. If you're in that cycle and you have something hanging over your head and you're trying to grow a business and be successful, what do you think is going to happen? I can tell you what's going to happen. That was a rhetorical question. You're actually going to sabotage your own success because you're not going to want to get on a bigger stage and be in front of more people and have a bigger audience for a business. If you're worried that someone's going to do some digging and find out that things weren't great for you at some point or that you messed up and did something bad at one point, okay, so the other thing about it is stories like that help for people to relate to you. Okay? Because we've all screwed up. Okay? We've all tried something and had it not work out. Okay? I don't. I mean, I've never burglarized anything. I've never assaulted anyone. I've never. Well, I don't know. Can. Do you count? Like, when you're a little kid and you have, like a fight with your. Your little sister? Anyway, I'll be open about that. We were not nice to each other. What else did he do? I've never distributed drugs. That's not really my thing. Distributing bread and baked goods is more my jam. But of course, we've all done things that we're not proud of. And so even the fact that he's super, super extreme here, that normalizes it for me. It makes me feel like, oh, my God, what I've done wasn't that bad. And it's not worth me stopping myself in my own success, you know, for fear that people are going to find out about it. And actually him being open about it, oh, my God, that gives me full permission to be open about anything that I've done wrong. Okay? Oh, someone's here. I don't know if you guys can hear the dogs barking. So you being open about your story, things that you're ashamed of, things that you'd want to hide, things that, like, you feel aren't a great representative of who you are in the here and now, you being open about it actually makes it so much easier for the people around you to also be open about this stuff and to also lead with it and to let that shame go and to also live on in their bigger life. So you. You keeping yourself small in this way is not only not serving you, it's actually really super selfish because you're not setting a really positive example for how open you can be with your world. And let me tell you, once you start that, it's incredible the impact that has, from your friends and family to your clients to just people who don't ever comment or like your posts, but are constant lurkers, it has an impact, okay? So you have to tell your story because it does help you stick out and be memorable. Okay. And I think I've just kind of jumped over that point, too. It's memorable. Okay? I remember Dave's killer bread because I know it's the convict guy who has delicious bread. Okay? I might forget the details, but I'm always going to remember the name Dave Dahl. There's. There's another example. I always talk about Gravity Payments, and I think this is a great example of where sharing a more vulnerable story would actually make the CEO more memorable. Because I can never remember his name. I can never remember his name, but I know he's the guy that pays all of his employees a minimum of 70,000 a year. And I think that's amazing, and I love that company. It's an example I bring up all the time. But I don't know anything personal about him. I don't know anything about his story except that he realized that he was being overpaid and underpaying his people. So, yeah, so share. Personally share your story. It's not that scary. And also, the next point is you own the narrative of your story, okay? You get to choose what the beginning, the middle, and the end was, okay? And this doesn't mean that you're going to, like, change the facts or lie or brush over a bunch of stuff, but, you know, you obviously see yourself as the protagonist. You don't have to paint yourself as the villain. It can be a redemption story as well. Okay? You own the narrative, but you only own the narrative if you're the one that comes out with it first. Okay? This is why you see politicians. Whenever something is about to be leaked, they out themselves first. Okay? Hamilton. Hamilton did this, okay? The Reynolds pamphlet. He was being threatened that his affair was going to go public, okay? To make sure that he couldn't run for office. And so he just did it himself. He outed himself on it. The way he did it wasn't great. He should have told his wife first, you know, maybe given her some forewarning that the whole world was going to know that he cheated on her. But live and learn. And here's the thing that I want you to remember above all else, if you don't remember anything else, is that when you are honest and vulnerable, you invite people to recognize parts of themselves in you. Okay? So when you're honest and vulnerable, you invite people to empathize with you, to see themselves in you. And I don't know about you, but anytime I feel that connection to someone, I am a, not forgetting their name. I'm b, interested in how we can be further Connected, meaning can I hire you? Can I refer you to people? Can I promote your stuff in some way, shape or form? Because I feel like you're a reflection of me. And also, I'm just. I'm going to remember you. So if I don't have use for you now, if I don't, if my company is not big enough to utilize your service, or if I don't have children, but you do a children service thing, I'm going to keep that in the back of my mind for either when that happens for me or when I meet someone who needs that service. Okay? So it is so critical for us to be sharing our stories, talking about ourselves, and not hiding the things that we are ashamed about. Because here's the thing, it is the thing that's going to make us stick out the most, be the most memorable. And once we out ourselves on the things that we hold the most shame and fear around, nothing can stop us. Okay? Literally nothing. I mean, of course there's always something, some way that you can sabotage your own success, but those are no longer going to be reasons for you to hold yourself back. And you know me, I'm all about getting rid of all the reasons to hold yourself back. Because holding yourself back is not good for you. It's not good for your community, for your clients or the world. Unless you're a sociopath. If you're a sociopath, then please don't listen to any of this advice and go away. Anyway, now that I've talked about bread and grilled cheese sandwiches, I'm going to go and make myself a grilled cheese sandwich with this delicious bread. Seriously though, if you want to make the best grilled cheese sandwich, and you can do this with vegetables or prosciutto or something. So you take two slices of this, you take butter on either side, petit basque, which is a sheep milk cheese, you put that on one side and then Emmental, which is kind of like a Swiss cow's milk cheese. Oh my God. It's just. I'm salivating just thinking about this. Okay, so you put them in the oven to get the cheese all melty and to melt the butter on the other side. And then you put them together and you saute them in a pan. If you want it to be more of a panini, you can put like tomato or prosciutto in the middle and do that. And it is life changing. Anyway, that is my live about owning your story and not letting shame and fear hold you back. And about bread, I'm really proud of myself that I got to talk about my favorite food group. Finally. I need to do more food based things I think. Anyway, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and leadership coach. Thank you for tuning in this evening. I am going to be going live tomorrow morning with the CEO of Holly Health and I'm super excited about it. I will be posting about that shortly after this post. If you are holding yourself back in some way in your business and are afraid of putting yourself out there, don't know how to put your story together and know that that is a thing that is getting in the way of your own success, DM me, okay? Because that should not be happening and you're doing it to yourself. No one is doing that to you. And if I don't, I don't know anyone who's okay with holding themselves back. But I don't. I'm not okay with you holding yourself back. Okay? So DM me. Let's talk through it. There are lots of way to move. Lots of ways to move past it. Anyway, wish me luck with my grilled cheese making and I will see you all tomorrow. Thanks. Bye.