25. Leadership: Quick Strategy to Releasing Anger

Foreign. Welcome back to Leadership in a Nutshell. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. This is episode 25 where we're talking about quick strategy to release anger. Anybody on the line feel like, man, you just get pissed off sometimes. You want to, like, you get your heads ready to pop off of your neck. People are so annoying sometimes. Why can't they just do the right thing? Why can't they just do what I ask them to do? Why is it so hard to execute at the highest level? I've built the system. I've built the strategy. I've casted the vision. What is their problem? Surely I'm not alone, my friends. Shake your head with me as you're listening to this, right? It can be very frustrating. I spent many years of my career being just pissed off, like, mad at the world, frustrated with what was going on. I felt like I was surrounded by idiots sometimes. And I love people, and I love humanity. And I don't say that, you know, discounting people or anything like that. Where I am today, I'm speaking to you. I'm speaking to your heart. And I want you to own it and realize it. It is okay to be angry, my friend. What is not okay is to carry it around with you, to continue to bury it, to continue to put it in your backpack of life, right? So I want you to picture this as you listen with me. You feel like you're walking along, and all of a sudden there's a rock in the path, and you bend over and you pick up that rock. And that rock is a life experience. That rock represents emotional challenge or emotional pain. That rock represents something that really frustrates you or flat out challenges you, that makes you angry, and you pick up that rock, and then you literally put it in your backpack. You put it in the pack of you that you're carrying around in life, and you feel some weight. And what happens is, as we continue to do these things time and time again, day after day, week after week, month after month, as we have experiences in life. Because guess what? We are in the middle of a human experience. We are dealing with people. We are dealing with team members as leaders or family members as influencers. You are a leader in the world. What does that mean? You have communication with other people. And if you have communication with other people, you're going to get frustrated. It's okay. But when we put the rock in the backpack, if you will, we create emotional baggage. And when we create emotional baggage, it begins to go with us everywhere we go. I might have picked up a rock at the office today. But if I don't deal with it, if I don't take it back out of the pack, if I don't look at it, if I don't learn the lesson that it has for me, the reason that I have the experience in the bigger picture, the greater good anyway, then guess what? I'm going to carry it home with me. I'm going to carry it into my personal relationships with me. I'm going to carry it into my financial reality with me. I'm going to carry it to all life experience. Even though it came from one area of my life, from one perspective of my life, sometimes from one person in my life life. This is about freeing you up. Leadership in a nutshell. I created this podcast so we could just spend a few minutes together and lighten your load, if you will. Like, chill out, my friend. Life is too short to walk around frustrated. So today I want to give you a quick strategy on releasing anger. I'm not talking about minimizing anything. I'm not talking about letting other people off the hook. If they've wronged you, if they've challenged you, and if they've abandoned you. People do things that hurt others all the time or do things that create an environment for us to feel hurt, right? I'm not minimizing any of that. But I care about you, my friend. I care about you as a leader, I care about you as a person, and I care about your emotional regulation. And today, when we think about, how do I go about this, Kenny, I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I've been wronged from somebody. Let me share with you something that that happened to me over the course of the last year. Somebody that I really respect didn't deliver on something that I thought it was a very personal thing for me. It was a very emotional thing for me. As a matter of fact, I feel as though they used my pain and my challenge and some of my trauma as a personal gain for themselves. I felt so wronged by that. I felt abandoned. I felt exposed, I felt frustrated, I felt angry. I felt flat out mad. I felt vindictive. That's right, Kenny Chapman, your coach, talking about these types of feelings, 100%, I felt him. And then I had the opportunity to go through an experience that I want you to consider. I want you to think about, how do you get the emotion out of you? Here's the reality. Subconscious mind. It plays tricks on us. It challenges us. I talked in the last episode about what, what a magician, the Subconscious in. I write about, in the six dimensions of change 2.0, I talk about how much of our life is run by our subconscious mind, Right? Here's the reality. Here's what I want you to think about. You don't even realize how destructive this is to you. Now there's all these studies coming out about health and about how it impacts your relationships, your finances, all the disease that we're seeing in the developed world over stress because. Because we were never taught how to deal with it. We were taught it's going to be the next car as leaders. It's going to be the next promotion, it's going to be the next line of business. It's going to be the next zero on the end of my income statement or my W2 or the next higher percentage on my profit and loss, whatever that is. We chase those things. Guess what? There's nothing wrong with becoming the person that you want to become. To drive profitability, to live in a place of gratitude while you expand and create greatness in the world. There's nothing wrong with being rich. That's what we're here for. We're here to create our greatness, step into our greatness. In capitalist societies, capitalism rewards profitability. Capitalism rewards what? Value. If you're creating value, you're going to make a lot of money. Sorry, that's just the way it is. If you're not okay with that, guess what? You'll find ways to destroy it. You'll find ways to blame and destroy and create destructive behaviors and ways to get rid of it. There's no question about that. However, today I want you to think about what are you carrying around that you want to put down? If you've got somebody that's really frustrated you, if you've got something that's happened to you, here's what I want you to do. I want you to write a letter to them. Now, before you go, Kenny, I'm not ready to have that conversation. Don't worry. You're not going to send it. You don't need to send this letter. This letter is for you. This letter is for you to get this out of your conscious mind into your subconscious. This is about your ability to go, hey, wait a minute. I don't want to carry this any longer. So you sit down. What I did with this mentor, that really created what I thought created pain for me. I wrote a letter. And first, we call it the screw you letter, the fu Letter, if you want to. Whatever it is, it's like you, you know what Screw you. How could you do that to me? How could you operate like that? How can you show up in the world and exist like this? You are so wrong here. I cannot believe anything and everything. You just spew it, you write it, you get it all out. I cried. I was frustrated. I was mad. That entire thing. Write that letter, and sometimes that's enough, and you got it out and you're free. However, this person's done a lot in my life that's been positive, created a lot of environment for me to win and for me to. To grow as an individual and for me to see certain things in myself. So I didn't want to just leave it. At the frustrated and anger getting out of me. I also wanted to come back with a state of gratitude. So I wrote a second letter a week later. And it was the thank you letter. It was the gratitude letter. It was the letter that was like, man, I'm so grateful that our lives cross paths. We may not continue to be in each other's lives, but I'm super grateful that it happened that we. That you gave me a mirror, that you created this environment, you know, all these different things. That was the most recent one I've done. I've written multiple letters to my father over the course of my adult life. He's been dead for 29 years at the time I'm shooting this episode. So the reality is he's never obviously going to read it. Not about him. It's about me. It's not about whoever wronged you. It's about you. Right. The way that people show up in the world is simply a reflection of where they're at, what they're dealing with. You don't know their baggage. And. And it's okay. Your job is not to know their baggage. Your job is to look at yours. To be able to dive into that backpack and go, this doesn't feel good. I don't want to not feel good. How can I get it out? I'm happy to help you with this. Shoot me a Contact us through my website, kennychapman.com jump on there. Let me know if you want to free something. I'm happy to help you work through it, but just start with this. Write a letter. Write the screw you letter. Write the thank you letter. Write the letter that just gets it out of you. And don't ever send it. You don't ever have to show it to anybod. Are there times you might need to send it and have that extra level? Sure, there might be times like that, but this is really about you. You will be amazed, my friend, at how much better you feel, how stronger you are. All of the amazing things that come from this, I want you to honor that. Write the letters. Write yourself in this process, because writing the letter will set you free. Make sure that you go to the website. Get signed up for my blog. If you're not following my blog, I'm blogging weekly. Do a deep dive there. Kennychapman.com get signed up for the blog. Thank you for being here. Episode 25 this is where we're trying to free ourselves up. We're releasing the anger. Simple strategy till we talk. Make it a better than fantastic day. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. This has been leadership in a nutshell. Talk to you soon.