Episode 9: The Importance of Life Lessons

Are you doing these critical things to help your child succeed academically? Take the quiz now to find out the important actions you can take to enhance your child's education. Go to my website, liberationthrougheducation.com quiz and take the quiz today. Welcome to another episode of K12 Education Untangled. My name is Dr. Kim Fields, former corporate manager turned education researcher and advocate, and I'm the host of this podcast. I got into this space after dealing with some frustration frustrating interactions with school educators and administrators, as well as some micro discriminations that I faced while raising my two kids who were in the public school system. I really wanted to understand how teachers were trained and what the research provided about the challenges of the public education system. If you're looking to find out more about current topics in education that could affect you or your children, then you're in the right place. In today's episode, I will be getting personal by discussing the value of teaching your kids life lessons. Learning life lessons is invaluable. The evidence of not having learned these life lessons can be painfully apparent. Let me start out with a story. My 30 year old stepson came to live with us three months ago for the purpose of saving money for his upcoming wedding in December of this year. While his father thought this was a good idea, I didn't for a couple of reasons. One reason was that saving money for a wedding was not an emergency situation for which you needed to return home to live, especially since you haven't lived at home in over eight years. The second reason was that he makes a very good living as a recruiter for a company and is well able to save money living on his own. If not, well, he'll figure it out. But I guess his father didn't see it that way. My stepson didn't contribute to any of the chores of the household, like taking out the trash, cleaning out the bathtub after taking a shower. He didn't contribute to paying for groceries for the household. He didn't contribute to utilities for the household and didn't even change the sheets on his bed. He lasted about three months because of the clash of values between his father and himself. When his father would ask me why his son was the way that he was, my only response was that's what you raised. Hence the topic of today's podcast, the importance of life Lessons. Here are the six life lessons that I'll be focusing on. 1. Possessing the ability to figure it out. 2. Doing your best at whatever it is. 3. Gaining confidence through competence 4. Discipline 5. Honor and respect and 6 responsibility and accountability. Having the ability to figure things out through the use of critical thinking skills is a life lesson. Life doesn't always go according to plan, and when it doesn't, you need to have the skills to think through all the possible scenarios and to determine the appropriate actions that will solve those scenarios. It means seeking ways to resolve your own issues independently, to your satisfaction. This takes practice, and it starts at a young age. This is the experiential side of learning in which, based on a certain action that you take, the consequences may be harsh or harmful. And the next time that that certain situation or circumstance arises, you'll have the tools and experiences to know what to avoid and how to solve that issue. It's similar to when you tell a young child that fire is hot or water is hot, and they may reach toward that flame or that hot water that's running in the bathtub and quickly realize that yes, indeed, that is hot. Lesson learned. No need to repeat any instruction because the memory of that heat has been implanted, programmed, and remembered. This ability to see a problem through the resolution leads to another life lesson. And that is the value of struggle. Overcoming challenges are difficult, and the struggle that's involved builds character. It's okay to let your child struggle through homework for a bit until they wrestle with the concepts so that they can make sense of the topic, of the homework, of the problem. If you step right in to help them resolve a certain homework problem, for example, then you're not teaching them the value of overcoming the challenge. And let's face it, life has many challenges. Developing this vital skill of struggle and overcoming that struggle applies to every stage of life. I remember when my daughter was in high school and she was taking an AP Spanish class. She came home in tears saying that the class was too hard, that the teacher wanted them to have an immersive experience in the classroom, meaning that once they entered the classroom till the time they left, they would have to speak Spanish. She told me it was just too hard, that she was going to drop the class and she just couldn't handle it. I quickly informed her that she was not going to drop the class, that she was going to apply herself to learn Spanish in the manner that the teacher was presenting it, and that she was going to complete that class. I let her know that running away from a challenge doesn't solve it. That is not a habit you want to develop in life. She completed the class with an A grade and was proud of herself for doing so. She developed confidence through being persistent with her competence. Lesson learned. Doing your best at whatever it is you've been tasked to do is important. Strive to be the best that you can be. Aim for excellence. This is the third life lesson. I felt that when my children were young, everything about them was a reflection of me. I wanted them to look the best in the clothes that I could afford. I wanted them to do their best in school. I wanted them to behave to the best of their ability. I didn't do things in a haphazard way and I instilled that life principle in them as well. Strive for excellence. Do your best. Never settle for something half done. I remember a couple of shock filled tear inducing homework sessions in which my kids submitted their homework for review by me and it was so sloppily done and the answers were less than their best, I proceeded to tear up their homework in front of them. They shortly learned that only their best would do. I firmly believe that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If you half clean up your room, you'll do that anywhere. Even living with other people, if you're allowed to half do the dishes, you'll half do them anywhere. The Girl Scouts have a motto that basically says to leave a place better than you found it. I like that it means that you care enough to put forth your best effort. My stepson apparently didn't learn this. What he demonstrated was a half hearted attempt at whatever he did and hopefully it seems in his mind he wouldn't be held accountable to do it with excellence. Which leads to the fourth life lesson. Taking Responsibility and being accountable. How many adults do you know that fail to take responsibility or hold themselves accountable for their actions? Probably quite a few. The foundation of this lesson begins in childhood. Providing excuses for not taking ownership, responsibility or accountability is a weak and emotionally immature approach. Excuses are intolerable to me. I think the 5 why method works well here. This basically involves continuing to ask a child a question why? About a certain action that they took. If you ask why five times, you'll eventually get them to recognize the root cause for their actions. Being a part of a family unit means that you are both responsible and accountable to the members of the family. Own up to what you did and accept the consequences. This is just part of the journey to becoming an adult. When someone has owned up to their mistakes or missteps and accepts their role or responsibility in those actions and then takes corrective measures to rectify the situation, then they're well on their way to becoming a mature adult. My husband's excuse for how he raised his son was that he just wanted to give him the things he didn't have. Perhaps he should have focused on instilling the values that he didn't have instead of the things that he didn't have. This is part of my hashtag momism, where children don't need things, they only require your love, time, and attention. The fifth life lesson deals with honor and respect. While my stepson honored his father, he did not respect him. I based this on the fact that when his father would ask him to empty the trash or unload a case of water and put some bottles in the refrigerator, he would eventually get around to it. Maybe that's disrespectful. That's not being taught that what I ask or tell you to do is not up for debate and it's not for you to decide when you want to do it. My husband would get frustrated about this, but he didn't rectify the situation by holding him accountable. Maybe there were some things that were going on during his childhood that I was unaware of that caused this lack of respect on both sides. I'm not sure, but what I do know is that what I saw demonstrated by this young adult was disrespect. When there's a disrespectful dynamic going on, then perhaps the best thing to do is to part ways. Respect is something that is earned on both sides, from the child to the parent and the parent to the child. Biblically, we're taught to honor our fathers and mothers so that our days may be long on this earth. I reminded my children about this principle a few times during their childhood. They came to understand what that meant. The last life lesson that I'll be discussing in this episode is that of discipline. There are two parts to this self discipline and behavioral discipline. Self discipline has been discussed in the realm of social emotional learning, and it encompasses the processes necessary to be consistent in governing oneself. This characteristic is important in establishing the rigor and the focus necessary to accomplish certain tasks and goals. Self discipline is a byproduct of self motivation and in which the intrinsic factors determine overall achievement. Self discipline can be taught in such a way as a child develops a set of rules, approaches, processes that they follow in order to successfully complete an assignment, for example on time. Discipline is also on display when a child is developing mastery in other skills, such as playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, learning a new hobby, etc. It's necessary in order to stick with that hobby, that sport, or that musical instrument to get to the level of mastery that they are capable of doing. The discipline that is exerted through external forces, such as from parents or other authority figures, is used to guide a child as far as understanding what the rules, boundaries, and limitations are for the behaviors that are acceptable within the household or the family. This discipline holds the child accountable because he or she understands that once the rules are broken or boundaries exceeded, there will be consequences. This type of discipline must be consistent and applied forthwith. Most of the things that we succeed at in life require a certain level of discipline, excelling in sports, getting a college degree, becoming an author, running a business, etc. It is the consistent application of discipline on a daily basis that produces outstanding military organizations. A lack of discipline, on the other hand, instigates a multitude of excuses. These life skills, once taught and adopted, will show up in all areas of our lives, and most of the time they show up in ways that we used to call home training, an absence of which becomes very obvious. I usually end these personal type podcasts with either a mantra, a joke because I love surrounding myself with positive thoughts and words, and I also like a good clean joke. Today I'm ending it with a mantra that's a modification to the Nike slogan Do it. Do it right. Do it right now. Just do it. If this is the type of subject matter and discussion that resonates with you, please subscribe to my podcast on whatever service you're listening to this also, I'd love to hear from you, so please leave me a comment or review and share this episode with anyone that you think would find it valuable. Be sure to tell your friends, family and community about my podcast. Thanks for listening today. I hope you'll come back for more K12 educational discussions with even more exciting topics to untangle. By the way, if you have a burning question about a current issue or a specific topic that you'd like for me to cover and explore, shoot me a quick email at kim@liberationthrougheducation.com to let me know what your question is. Be sure to stay tuned. On the next episode of my podcast, I'll be discussing the parent teacher connection. Until next time. Aim to learn something new every day. Love my show. Consider being a regular subscriber. You can subscribe for as little as $3 per month. 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