How to stop someone undermining you

23 Oct 2026 · 1 min

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1:05

In this 60‑second coaching video, leadership trainer Kit Barber teaches a concise, actionable response to public undermining in meetings. He introduces the Situation‑Behaviour‑Impact (SBI) model, showing how to fact‑check the incident, describe the observed behaviour, and articulate its impact without blame. He explains why people undermine (perceived threat, desire for dominance) and warns that silence signals agreement and erodes trust. After stating the facts, he advises refocusing the conversation on the shared goal and then setting a clear expectation for future interactions. The script includes concrete phrasing examples and ends with a call‑to‑action to comment “23” for a free leadership system.

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I've coached hundreds of leaders and it took me years to learn this response to undermining. And I'm going to teach you it in 60 seconds. When someone undermines you in a meeting, a manager gets defensive, but a leader highlights it calmly and then just refocuses the room. Here's how. First, use the SBI model: Situation, Behaviour, Impact. So when someone cuts you off or dismisses your idea publicly, you say this: In today's meeting, when I proposed a timeline, you said it wouldn't work without asking for details. That stopped the conversation before we could explore it. There's no blame, there's no attack. You're just stating what actually happened. Most people undermine you because they feel threatened or they're wanting to assert their dominance. It's not because you're actually wrong. But staying quiet reads as agreement, and that will kill team trust. Then simply refocus on the goal. Say, I want to find the best solution together. What concerns do you have about the timeline? And right there, you just turned a power move into a productive conversation. And third, set the expectation. Going forwards, let's just make sure that we hear each other out fully before we evaluate ideas. Does that work for you? Now you've created a boundary without making it personal. A manager reacts, a leader redirects. If this helped, comment 23 for the free leadership system that flipping well works.