There’s Never Been a Statue Erected to a Critic with Marisa Peer

Welcome to this episode of the Million Dollar Mastermind. I'm Larry Weddell. And before we get started, if you want to know exactly how to win again and again, go to Wydell on winning.com webinar now to watch something I've put together for you. Now let's get going into this episode of Million Dollar Mastermind. I'm with Marissa Peer. And this afternoon we've been talking about winning and the aspect of getting your mind right about yourself and getting that we all know it's you get more done in a positive environment on a team and a company where people are smiling. You know, there's a hotel across the street. Same hotel, always the same hotel. My car is parked. I've got a parking place in the basement. So I go in and out pretty much every day. I tell you there's certain people they have at the front desk, they're like robots. They're either sour or they're like blank. And I go in and hey, how you doing? And like they'll look at me like a tree or something. But the last few days they've got some new employees behind the counter. You walk in there and every, all three of them will say, hey, how you doing? What's going on? What's this? And it's the same stupid hotel, but I have a different vibe walking in the door now because I know I'm going to see a happy thing. Now we know that's true in life. But it's up to us to make that happen inside our head. You know, to control the environment. You know, attitude is everything. We've heard that a thousand times. But it's up to us to control that attitude for ourselves because we're only going to be most fulfilled, most productive, enjoy life. What good is it to have all the money in the world and then you're miserable inside and depressed and everything. So we've got to overcome that with the way we think and to do that. And this is what Marissa has devoted her life to. And Marissa obviously successful. She's got Weekly, she reaches 25 million people across all platforms. I'm hoping you get that up to 100 million soon because this is a message people need to hear. And she's working with children in programs. She's got a five day challenge program for kids and a winning. She's won awards her entire career. And now Marissa is writing yet another book. Her first book was I Am Enough. Her most recent book is what Tell Yourself a Better Lie. Let's talk about that book. Let's talk about. We could talk about any of your book.

Yeah, let's talk about my book.

Okay. Why did you feel after five days. What? You know what they say Marissa, is. They'll say again? These are the critics. Most people have at most one good book in them and everything after that is just regurgitation of the same stuff. After five books or so, four books, why did you feel compelled to write this book?

Actually, this is my seventh book. And the reason I wrote this is because I realized I've known for a long time that for most of my clients, for most people, our greatest pain is caused by the lies we tell ourselves. If your dad says to you you're a loser, you'll never amount to anything that's painful. If your boss or your first boyfriend, girlfriend says you're boring, that can hurt. But they probably have an agenda because they hurt themselves. But the lies we tell ourselves, they cause us the most damage. I'm an idiot. I'm a loser. I never amount to anything. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough, lovable enough, pretty enough. And I realized that almost every client I saw, their deepest pain was caused by the lies they told themselves. I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. I'm a waste of space. I mess. Who's going to love me? I've got cellulite. Who's going to want me? My own parents don't love me. And he was saying to them, listen, if you're prepared to lie to yourself. So when you say I'm a train wreck, I mean, clearly you're not a train wreck because you're a person. You obviously don't have legs the size of tree trunks. You couldn't got in my front door. You haven't eaten like an out of control maniac all weekend. But if you're prepared to lie to yourself, which I'm cool about, why not tell yourself a better lie? I got a memory like a sieve becomes I have an amazing memory. I mean, I. I'm out of control around food becomes I choose what to eat and not eat. Nobody loves me becomes hey, I'm deeply lovable and someone's going to really love me because I'm worth it. So first we establish that you're telling yourself a lie. Everything I touch falls apart. Everything. Everything. My life is hell. This freeway commute is killing me. We know the freeway commute is not killing you. First of all, you've got a car, you got a job. You. You're already an advantage to someone who hasn't got a car or a job to ever go on the freeway. So first we reframe it, but we look at the lie and then we say, why not tell yourself a better lie? In this book I picked out 10 stories of clients. One was an alcoholic, one had obsessive compulsive disorder, two. One was bulimic, one just simply couldn't lose a pound. One had an illness and one had lost two children and was just numb, she couldn't feel. And with each of their stories, I showed the reader this is the lie that they bought into and how easy it was to find the lie, change the lie and then pick a better lie. You know, I could say my dad didn't love me enough. I was a middle kid, I wasn't smart enough, I didn't pass many exams, my brother was smart, my sister was pretty, I was this freak in the middle. But I could tell myself a different, like, hey, I've got a great talent and I got something to offer the world and I don't have to be the favorite one. In fact, maybe that was a good thing because I had that, what I call our show you attitude when I got older. That I'll show you. You thought I wasn't smart, I'll show you. And now I wouldn't change any of my childhood because it gave me that, first of all, I'll show you, but secondly, I do it myself, I can do everything myself. And when you're a self made person, it's really nice because you feel that you've earned it. You know, I see a lot, something really alarming, which is people, if you give somebody something, they get rid of it. 70% of lottery winners are bankrupt in three years, which is an incredible statistic. How could you go dead broke in three years? But if you get something without the feeling of earning it, it has no value, right? Because I earned it all myself with no help. I really value it. I get a lot of pride and joy from what I've done. As I said, I went to bed thinking, well, 600 schools in the UK took my five day challenge. How many children is that that are having a better life because of a gift I have? And then I thought, now I've got all these schools in America and it felt really good. But it felt really good because I did it myself. I mean, my wonderful sister who works for us, with us, she was the one who actually put it together, she's immensely smart, she's incredible. But I said my dad would be so proud of us. We did this ourselves with no help. And I think when you get too much help, I have to be careful as a parent not to go, oh, let me fix that, let me do that. It doesn't work because you can't value something you didn't earn.

And how much of this, you know, you think back. A lot of people have the examples in their life, but they don't pick up what they're seeing in front of their eyes. When you went over to the United States and got that job working with Jane Fonda, she was far along in her career. She'd been a successful actress and she knew everybody in Hollywood and knew the drill. She'd had a lot of experiences, but then, you know, she's trying to expand, you know, on that fitness.

Yeah.

Put out the videos and all of that stuff. But what did you, what was him? What impressed you? What did you pick up that impacted you?

You think about Jane. Well, you know, Jane again is a bit of a self made, you know, her mother killed herself when she was just a girl. Her father wasn't really there for her and she's another one. She may come.

He was a distant guy too. I mean, he was very close, she.

Was very distant and she had no mother. And yet she kind of did it herself. She was very passionate. And when I met her, she was about in her 40s and I was in my 20s and I really, I still look up to her today. I think she's the most amazing woman because she has something I see a lot. It's what I call the bounce back factor. You have to think it was like a big rubber ball, you know, When I first came to America, I always remember going through customs and they said, where are you going? And I said, I worked for Jane, Jane Fonda, she's a communist. You know what she did to our boys. I said, I'm only 21. I don't know any of that until he told me. But later on I remember thinking, you know, she's got it. I actually met Martha Stewart last year. I loved her. I thought she was amazing. 80 years old, she was incredible. But she has the same thing, bounce back. You can reject me. No, but I'm bouncing back like a big rubber ball. And I love women and men that have that bounce back factor. You can diminish me, you can try and humiliate me, you can hate on me, but I'm like a big rubber ball and I'm coming right back because I just won't give you the power. And of course Jane was hated by many people. Martha Stewart was diminished, but back they came. And I think that's very important. You know, people who are successful leave clues. And if you want to be successful, you will get rejected, you will get hurt, you'll get dumped, you'll get fired. All of I've been dumped, fired, rejected. All of those things have happened to me. But what do you do about it? What you do about it is you get back up again. Success is not never falling, it's how fast you get back up. And so there are some things that can guarantee you'll be successful. Take action every day in the direction of your goals on your way to success. Don't take no for an answer and have the bounce back factor and praise yourself. You know, today where many of us are going to have a startup, we work for ourselves on our screen, we don't even have a boss to say well done. At the end of day, if you don't put those four things into yourself, no one else is going to do it. But if you put those four things in, there are others too. It will make you extraordinary.

Thanks so much. Obviously you know what you're talking about. You, you are an extraordinary leader and pioneer in a deeply needed area of public life and personal life. And to be able to fill that vacuum with so much sense and so much solid concrete principles that will never change. People that lock in and they read from your book and they pick up things they're going to learn, things they can use the rest of their life in every area of their life, because these are principles that work. Thanks so much for taking time this afternoon from your lovely home on the canal in Venice, California and sharing these insights with us. And I'm looking forward to circling back around down the road and finding, finding out what new insights you've got.

Thank you so much. Yeah, sounds amazing. I'd love that. I just wanted to say one thing that I forgot. In this book I have something called Installing the cheerleader. It's an audio download, it's free inside. And when you play that, it shuts down your inner critic and it switches on a cheerleader that always says, yay, you've got this. This has got your name all over it. And I found that that's one of the things I've done in the schools, giving them a cheerleader instead of a critic. And at any age when you can shut down the critic but switch on the cheerleader, it makes you feel almost invincible.

Oh, that is a beautiful way to wrap this thing up. Thank you so very much. Thank you, Marissa. If you enjoyed what you've heard and are dead serious about finding out for yourself exactly how this works and in the real world, I've taken the most valuable business lessons I've learned over 40 years and put them into something for you to watch. Go to whiteellawinning.com webinar now in order to move up as fast as possible. I'm Larry Wydell, and I run the Million Dollar Mastermind. Go, go, go.