Q&A - The Power of Never and Always

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Hello and welcome to today's coaching Q and A session. I'm Wendy Greer with learning strategies and mind tracks. And today I wanted to talk about the power of languaging. One thing I became very aware of pretty early in my career here is how certain words tended to connect with certain ways of approaching life in certain stuck states. And I'd like to start with a couple of really profound thoughts. One is you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the old one, which is so true. Because if you keep looking at the same story and you're reiterating that same story and reinforcing that same story, you're going to tend to live that same story. Second one is Lao Tzu. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. And that's a lot of what I do here. I enable people and empower people to let go of the past as they've seen it, as they conceive it, as, as it sort of appears to be to them. And see the learning, see the opportunities in it, remove the filters they're looking through so that they can become what they might be. And so I really wanted to address this through certain, certain aspects that the title of this session, the Power of Always and Never says, says something about one of the things I that always alerts me if someone says I always. It's incredibly frequently something that they would prefer not to be doing. I always shoot myself in the foot when this happens. I always go.

Get off kilter when I'm with Aunt Josephine. I always blow money, you know, do something silly when I get some money in the bank. It's very seldom followed by I always set firm boundaries and take control of my space. I always reinforce what my highest priorities are. Generally, it's I always do something that you know is sabotage. And the never is often followed by what you would you would like to be doing. Like, I never set clear boundaries. I never communicate well when I'm with my family. I never. So all these things keep you stuck in the state you're in. And one of the things I want to mention that is so phenomenal for this is the generator parallel. When you're in a stuck state where you. You always feel something is going on or you never feel something is happening. The Gener generator parallel are awesome. And what I'm talking about here is the new Action Generator subtitle for that is Make Choices, Take Action and succeed. Next month I'm going to talk about the power of Action steps. Because a lot of people do all the mental work, they do all the goal setting, they do all of the preliminaries, but they never actually take that first step. And the universe tends to reward action. So it's really important that you kick yourself into action around whatever it is you're trying to manifest or change or conceive or whatever you're trying to do. The new behavior generator if you have a behavior that is sort of a behavior that is very almost knee jerk reaction where it just automatically pops out of you or happens, then the new behavior generator because you have the power to shift that, you can definitely shift what's going on. New history. I've talked about this so many times. Four paths. The past as it was, the past as you would like it to have been the past with unexpected circumstances or events. And then the fourth path you create. The beauty of this one is that.

You can carry forward the learning. You can carry forward all of the growth that's happened through all these circumstances you've been through, but you can leave the rest behind. And that's what often is a stop me, pull me, push you thing for people where they want to carry forward the perceived positives, but they're afraid and relinquishing the negatives that seem to be connected to that that they're going to lose those positives. So the new history generator with the four paths just is phenomenal for enabling you to carry forward the growth. You know, you take the pearl out of the oyster, you can throw the rest of it out, you don't need it. And then the new option generator subtitle resolve issues with new solutions and choices. A lot of people that use the words never and always assume it's written in stone. And that's just the way it is. Not the case. And what these generator parallel do is they'll put you back in the driver's seat. It's like you. You ascertain where you're at, you see clearly the path that the repetitive behavior that's working for you or not working for you, and then you do something about it. So anytime you're in a stuck state or you find you're using the words always and never, the generator parallel are just amazing for moving you forward. The other thing that I would encourage you to use if there's something that you're doing, as I said, as sort of knee jerk reaction, break the habit. Because break the habit is anytime you have something you're doing, you're sort of on automatic pilot. And so you're you're.

You'Re same thing without thinking it through. There's no, there's not even a conscious awareness that you're doing it. It's just knee jerk. So the break the habit is really good for that.

I'll leave it at that. One of the things I do want to mention for those of you that are very mental and I, I, I feel that, that, that quality there is a process called the inquiry process from Byron Katie. It's in her book Loving what is. But we also use it in our abund this can really jog the mental faculties that are keeping you locked. The inquiry process is four steps. You look at this behavior or the action that's happening or the relationship that seems totally chaotic and dysfunctional and you look at the quality that's being expressed or the thought you have about it and you ask yourself there's three questions and then a fourth step you ask yourself is it true? So if it is true, you may say yes, you may say no. If it is yes, do you absolutely know it to be true in all circumstances, at all times? The answer to that is almost always no. So is it true? Do you absolutely know it to be true? The third one is who would you be without that thought?

Often people will step into a space and a freedom and a, a sense of completeness and perfection because without that thought that's been stymieing them. They totally open up to everything they can. They see the potential and that gives them the opportunity to open into it. And then the, the fourth path, the fourth step is you turn the belief around. So it's, if you say I always, I always blow my money when I get money in the bank, you would flip it 180 degrees. So it's, I never blow money when I get in the bank, I always leave it there. Or I always maintain my, my financial composure when I have money in the bank so that it can accumulate interest and grow my nest egg. So it, the turnaround. I've had a couple people actually break down when they, when they did the turnaround because the turnaround 180 degrees opposite it resonated with their heart and their soul and they knew that was, that was true capital T true. So that, that's, that's what I basically what I want to say about always and never you. They can be very powerful in a positive way but unfortunately a lot of us use it in a negative way and, and that is changeable. That is not written in stone. Generator parallel will help you recognize that and shift it another word that I immediately, immediately alerts me is I have had several conversations with people and this was again early. I've been coaching here for over 20 years. But the word should, someone who is beating themselves up and always on their case and judging themselves often uses the word should multiple times in the first couple minutes I'm talking to him. I should have done this, I should have done that. There's a simple semantic change that totally shifts the power of should. If you go from I should have to I could have and you use that instead, you can see the power there. You're putting yourself back in the driver's seat. There's no should have, should have, should have, should have, shoulding on yourself. I know that sounds rude, but shooting on yourself is a really challenging thing for a lot of people because they constantly berate themselves, they're constantly judging themselves. So if you change it to could, I could do this or I could do that, it puts you, it gives you a choice. And so again it takes you out of that sense of being inadequate or incomplete or unworthy or whatever is going on behind the scenes there. The one other terminology I'd like to bring up just in this particular session is yes buts.

Some people, you put something in front of them and it's a yes, but I can't do that because yes, but that would never your yes but yes but yes but if you simply change that to yes and it, it, it, there's something about it. I know it sounds like just semantics, but it's so powerful to use yes and yes but I can't do that yes and I've been thinking I can't, but maybe I can. You know, it often is it's that quick a switch. So that would, that would be another good, good switch to make just verbally because the way you language your world tends to create the world you experience. So these are, these are terms that if used in an appropriate or positive or life enhancing way can be really powerful in the positive. But more often than not they're used in a way that contracts you and makes you less resourceful. Parallel I would look at for these issues would probably be self esteem, supercharger belief. If you're shoulding on yourself, often people that should are very overwhelmed. So gratitude, simplicity, overcoming overwhelm and your yes buts, you're sort of empowering your limitations. So for that, the belief, the self esteem, supercharger, probably peak performance could be overcoming overwhelm. And one other exercise I'd like to share, which again we Incorporated into the abundance for life course for the yes buts, buts and the shoulds is the Solutions focus from Mark McCargo.

With the solutions focus, what you do is you rate yourself on something that you're beating yourself up for, something you should be doing or a yes but. So you say, okay, I set clear parameters for when people are being disrespectful and I say, enough.

Where are you on the scale of 1 to 10 on doing that? So if you're a, say you're even a two or three or you're a minus four, then you ask yourself, why would I rate myself so highly? Because what that does takes you completely out of that down trodden judged unworthy human being to okay, sometimes I take a stand with this person, sometimes I'm able to be compassionate and say, no, I don't find that to be true. You know, and I deserve better than that. So what, what that does again is it shifts your paradigm, it shifts your focus and it puts you, puts you, makes you more aware of all the things you have been doing that are, that are productive and then you can focus on doing more of them. So all of those, as simple as they sound, are incredibly impactful. So I've sort of said what I want to say, but there's a couple of other parallel I'd like to just sort of bring in. Just because I haven't mentioned not knowing where people are at these generic causes sort of hard for me. But because I've coached so many people, I want to share what has worked for other people. Break the habit, as I said, because things that seem like they're written in stone break the habit. And the generator paralyminals, fresh start and letting go are great because they create space for the new to come in. So those are really good for releasing what isn't serving, releasing history, releasing the past so that you are allowing space for the new paradigm to land. Often in this culture and right now people are in such a state of overwhelm, they just can't cram anything else in. There's no room for anything to shift. So you gotta, you know, create some space, get rid of some of the extraneous stuff so that you can move forward. Miracle mindset, because that sort of reminds you of your capacities and your intuitive knowing intuition amplifier is a similar one because it helps you to.

Sort of tune into that, that wise side of yourself, the wise, the wise inner self that you often don't allow to come to the surface happy for no reason. Because happiness we all deserve happiness, so that's a good one. And youthful vitality a lot of people get when they're really stuck, they feel very jaded, very used up. And youthful vitality is really good for helping you to sort of tune into that youthful exuberance and that the world is your oyster and the possibilities are endless. You know, those of us that are on this path, we get glimmers of that, but it's sometimes challenging to keep that front and center. So youthful vitality is really good for that. So we had a few questions this week that I want to respond to. One of them is what are examples of life values? Life values are basically core values and priorities that you're not willing to compromise on. It would be things like integrity, authenticity, compassion, being of service, maybe enabling and empowering people. There are things that you'd like to leave as your legacy that you'd like to be known for. They're things that you're. You would have a tough time.

Not following through on. And when you do, if you, if you don't act in with authenticity, you. You feel like you betrayed yourself, like you're. You made yourself smaller than you are. So life values, core values, you know, mission values, mission, mission statement values are things that are so important to you that you don't want to compromise them. And if you're, if you're clear on your core values and the things you're doing fit under the core values. That's what I've talked about several times with a life purpose that if you're fulfilling those values, that's probably what you're here to do. And life will flow, and it will. There'll be an ease and a sort of spontaneity that will surface when you're following that. So that's what's meant by a life value. You know, when you look back on your life, what do you want to be known for? What do you want your legacy to be? Did you live up to that legacy? Are you currently living up to that legacy you want to leave? It's really important because if you're not aligned with that, you're going to have a tough time trying to manifest things. But if you are aligned, things definitely tend to fall in place. And there's a flow and there's a spontaneity that you'll experience. I got a piece of cottonwood floating here.

There's a woman who said she won't be able to watch it. The session today, if you go down to the live events, if you scroll down, down in your Mindtrax app down beneath the live events and have the picture of Paul right below there. There's recordings of the Q and A. So yes, you can access after the fact how to control negative thoughts. I've sort of already dealt with that. That was a question that came in on the survey Monkey, the Mark McCargo example that I talked about. The solutions focus is really good because then you start focusing on taking your, your focus away from the negative to the positives. But the, the parallel I would probably look at would be gratitude. The more you express gratitude for things, the more you see to be grateful for and the more you put yourself in the flow of positive thoughts. You deserve it because again, if there's a worthiness issue or a self esteem issue, you're going to, it's going to be challenging to find the positives. Particularly when you feel like you're stumbling around in the dark. You sort of judge yourself that you're not doing it right. You should be doing it this way. Yes, but.

New option generator that will help you to find new options and another one that is really a workhorse is finding treasure. Because we all have wisdom inside us. We all have knowledge and insights that we're not accessing. So those are the ones that I would probably look at for that.

Comment here. I have been manifesting many goals, big and small over the years thanks to Parallel and Paul Shevy's courses. However, many times I have difficulty manifesting money and cash flow, which I find quite abstract. How can I go about this, Joanne? Okay, I would definitely take a look at what does financial abundance mean to you? How would it feel if you had abundance flowing in your life? What would it enable you to be? How would you be expressing the fact that you have that financial abundance? Jan Canfield has said for years, it's not the things we want, is the way it makes us feel. It's a consciousness rather than an actual, necessarily a physical manifestation. It's an enabler. You know what you might do well is soul of money, because I spoke about that last time.

Money is an energy that's exchanged for your energy. So what do you want to do with that energy? How do you want to spend it? Is the way you're spending it now worth what you're receiving in return? Self esteem? Supercharger? Belief. Belief would be good. I want to give you an example of how important it is that you sort of tune into what the abundance means and enables you to do. I had a really interesting client when we first released the Abundance for life. Course, I'll call him David. And he was a lay minister, and he had an incredible capacity to get people involved, and he was involved in some multi levels, and he had a couple of entrepreneurial ventures going. But whenever he was close to success, he would do something silly. And it was incredible. He even married a woman who loved to go out shopping. And so he'd call me, he'd be back in the. Back in the morass again. He was, you know, in debt over his head and struggling. And we did. I had him go to a couple of meditations in the abundance for life course that deal with the. The two lower energy centers which are concerned with security and survival. And one of the things he recognized and. And this just totally changed the picture for him, was he had been taught as a youngster and he thought it was very early, like one to two years old, and that's when it started. And it went on throughout his life, particularly from a grandfather, that you could not be godly and have money. So for him, there was a major paradox, a major discrepancy, I mean, a gap between where he was trying to go and what was important to him. His lay ministry was his life. His spiritual connection was so important to him, and he had this context that he couldn't maintain that and have money. So once we resolve that paradox, and he understood what the money enabled him to do because he wanted to do missionary work, he wanted to do some outreach work, he wanted to set up some soup kitchens. He had all these altruistic motives, but he had this disjoint between the value of his grandparent was that, you know, you can't be godly and have money. And godliness was important to him. And having money can align you with a higher purpose for God or your higher source, whatever that you may name that, and that it would enable him to. To facilitate that work. And so that completely shifted his paradigm. And that comes back to where we started, with core values, because his core value was his spirituality. And he was. He felt he was compromising that by possibly having financial abundance. Once he resolved that conflict, he was full speed ahead. So that shows you how important those core values can be. So that was it. On the questions for this week. I want to leave you with another thought before we wind this up. I love this one. It's Sir John Lubbock. Apparently he was a British parliamentarian, but he was quite the philosopher. And.

I really like this. And it sort of rounds out what we've been talking about today. What we see depends on what. What we look for. And that's why never and always should. Yes, but all the things you're putting your energy into and believing are real and that they define you and they're written in stone. If that's what you're seeing, that's. That's what. What. What. What's going to come toward you. So what we see depends mainly on what we look for. Look for the positive. Look for the way that you have options. Look for the ways that you are resourceful, that you are wise beyond belief, that you have. That you can emp. That you can step into your full capacities, and that's what you'll find. So again, what we see depends mainly on what we look for. Look for the good, because I guarantee you it's in there. It's in there. You are powerful beyond belief. And that's a lot of what I do here. I remind people how powerful they are, how wise they are, and I. And I remind them that they've already got those ruby slippers. They just need to click their heels. So there we go. All right, that's it for this time. Lots of love to you from Learning Strategies and all of us here at Mindtrack. Next, you take care.

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