Three phrases to use when your child is upset: "Your feeling is real and I still want to be in a relationship with you," "I believe you," and "Tell me more." Kids suffer less from their emotions than from feeling alone in them.
And here to me is the first line every parent needs in their toolbox. I'm so glad you're talking to me about this. What someone's really saying to you when they say that is this feeling in you that you're feeling is real. And I still want to be in a relationship with you when you're feeling that way. Our kids need to absorb from us. My parent can tolerate this part of me before I learned to tolerate this part of me. Line two, I believe you. If there's one line that would be probably the most healing and the most confidence building from childhood. It's that and it's so simple. And then the third line is equally simple. It's just tell me more. Now at all these moments that my kid was in pain, I couldn't have infusing myself in every moment. I'm adding connection, I'm adding leaving. Part of the pain was probably that they were alone. Feelings don't give us problems as much as feeling alone in our feelings give us problems.
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