Daryl and Lewis AI compare healthy relationships to narcissistic ones, showing how healthy partners stay calm and collaborative under stress while narcissists panic and blame. Green flags include kindness, reciprocity, and celebrating your partner's wins without feeling threatened.
Chapters
Every healthy relationship, every healthy relationship has the same core ingredients. Kindness, compassion, patience, mutuality of regard, reciprocity, respect, every single one. And as long as you got that- Flexibility. Flexibility, no narcissistic relationship has even one of those ingredients. So that's why they don't work. They don't work. So they're always going to be hard work because you have not one of the essential ingredients. Like you're trying to bake a cake without flour, eggs, or sugar.
Good luck with that. How do you know when you're entering a new relationship, if the person is not a narcissist? Like maybe you've been in a narcissistic relationship, or your parent was, or whatever it is, and you have some PTS from those experiences, and you feel like, well, I'm supposed to be walking in eggshells, but I don't need to. It's kind of healthy. Like, is this shoe gonna drop? Like when you know the person isn't.
A narcissist, how long does that take to find out? About the same amount of time it takes to discover that they are, in the sense that the difference is Narcissists actually, there's red flags, right? I call these green flags. Green flags mean go. And green flags are things like watch the person, watch how the person behaves under conditions of stress. So let's say that you're running late to the airport. That's a great example of a stress, right? How are they acting? And are they, you know, they're saying, oh, I'm a little worried about this, but we're gonna make it work and listen. What's the worst that's gonna happen? We'll get rebooked. And they're calm and like, you know, listen, I'm just glad to be here with you. We'll figure it out. To make the most of the moment. Yeah, we'll go to an airport hotel if we have to. But we're gonna be fine. A narcissist when they're running late to the airport? Oh, oh no, no, no, no.
What happened?
And it's just, it's just, I'm not gonna cry. It's chaos, stress, and exhaustion. But it's chaos, stress, accusations. This is your fault, entitlement. Let me speak to the manager. Get me on that plane. Get that plane back to the gate. Oh my god. Like that's the narcissist, right? Whereas with the, with somebody, you watch them. And it doesn't have to be something as dramatic as the airport. It could be even something like, Hey, I noticed you've been working late. How about I make some dinner? So, it's the noticing. It's the presence. It's the mindfulness. It's the willingness to be flexible and make compromise when it's needed, to meet you halfway, to listen to you. And more than anything is to also see the growth potential in you. So, not to be threatened by your own success. So, if you go, to this person and you're like, Hey, you know what? I got this totally cool new opportunity. And the healthy person says, that is amazing. You have worked your whole life. I saw this in you. What can we do to make this work for you? Whereas everybody else, and not just narcissists, but insecure people will say, oh, I guess that's just going to mean more time away and you're going to be traveling a lot. There's going to be a lot of women on the road and you're like, oh my gosh, they just got the job of their dreams.
