Before marriage, ask how you'll fix things when they go wrong. The speaker argues that early years feel perfect, but problems surface after the honeymoon period ends. Couples need a fighting style that leads to repair and growth, not destruction.
What would be the three questions that every person should ask their partner before getting married?
How will we fix it when things go wrong? The relationships that last are the ones that get repaired. And most of us are not very good at repairing relationships. You know, most of us, we break far easier than we think. When you're like in the first two years of marriage, really, in all the years leading up to it, it's like, this is amazing. She's amazing, I'm amazing, we're amazing. But after two years, it's like, okay, the veil drops a little bit, you kind of get clear on other things, and it will go off the rails somewhere. It might be an explosion, it might be a dent or a crack or a bend or something, but something will happen. So I would say, how will we fix it when things go wrong? How will we fight? How will we fight in a way that will not break us, but will be a source of learning and growth and clearing and kind of resetting.
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