Bert Kreischer: Why 99% Of People GIVE UP On Their Dreams & How To ACHIEVE Them | Lewis Howes

I think there's something inherent in every comic where he felt like he or she felt like a little bit like an outsider looking in.

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When I was a kid, I was never a self-promotion guy.

Really?

Well, I don't know how old you are. I'm 50, 40. Okay, so like, there was no social media, no cell phones, no cell phones. No one, no one, your worth was based on what people said. You should have seen him this weekend. Not like, no one sat at the table, like, let me tell you what I did. If someone did that in my, I went to All Boys Catholic High School, you'd be like, yo, you're not sitting at our table. And so it wasn't until I moved Even when Rolling Stone magazine wrote about me, I wasn't the one telling them the stories. Someone else was telling them. Really?

They didn't interview you?

No, they hung out with me. They hung out with me and I just lived my, I lived what is probably the last bastion of an authentic life. Like an authentic, like just like, like, like following my id or just going wherever I wanted to go and do whatever I wanted to do. And if we ate mushrooms, we ate mushrooms. It wasn't like, It was just like you did it and you didn't tell anyone and you just ate mushrooms and.

You weren't promoting it everywhere.

And then I got into New York and I watched it slowly change with the advent of social media, of people promoting themselves. And at first I thought it was gross. And then I realized it's a necessity. No one's gonna sit there and tell them you're a funny comic, they should book you at your club. You need to target your fans. And I watched people I really respected do it, like do it. Hey, guys, I'm coming here. Come out. Support live comedy. I'm heading on. And then slowly I got into it. And then now it's like I'm so deep in it. And I'm so deep in it. I had Razzle Dazzle, my special came out in March. I had a tour in Europe. I had to promote that. A tour in Europe. So I'm promoting through that. Then I had Razzle Dazzle come out in March. And then I had a tour in Australia that I had for a month that I had to do. I had an arena tour throughout in between both those both dates. And then I had the movie come out in a couple weeks ago in May. And then now I have fully loaded. This starts up next week. And then I have another arena tour coming out. And it's just, it's like, I've had my fill of Bert.

One of the things that inspires me about you, many things, but one of them is how you promote yourself. I wish I could learn this art because the stuff with the Rock and Wahlberg and all these people, you're making interesting content while promoting something that people still talk about. That is almost a skill in itself. As opposed to just watch my movie or come to my tour, you're actually doing an interesting piece of content that is funny, you know, and people talk about it. I don't know how you do that because I wish I could figure that out.

So, so 2000, probably seven years ago, I got an offer to do the Irvine Improv for a New Year's Eve. And they, they Irvine Improv said, can you shoot something on Instagram to promote it? And I sat in my man cave, like, going, what? Like, what am I gonna do? And I put a camera up in my corner, and I didn't understand. I didn't know what to do. And then right after that, I started following guys like Casey Neistat and this guy, Mr. Ben Brown, and this guy, fun for Louis, and all these guys on Inst on, on. YouTube that were like starting to blow up. And I started learning about shooting and editing and I started getting very turned on by the concept of making your own stuff and being in control of your own media. And so I started editing a vlog and in doing that, I learned a bunch of tricks and those tricks kind of dictated to me how to promote. Really? So I went from that Christmas, that New Year's Eve, to then by the time next year, around October, around November, December, Tom Segura and I were in a fat shaming contest. I was posting very heavily to Instagram. I was promoting shows on Instagram. I'd taken control of my career. I'd started making posters, like right towards November, I started making posters to promote shows and designing everything. Designing and taking control of everything. Take, like, take control of everything. And I say it to my team right now. I have a team in 13. But I say to them, I used to do all of this. I loved when I did all of it. I loved it. There was nothing better than to shoot a promo and then get in your man cave and then edit it and then add cool music and then post it and then have like Rogan call up and go, dude, how did you do that? And you're like, you like it? And he's like, dude, what song is that? I'm like, Crenshaw Midnight Special. And he's like, I gotta listen more CCR. And then, and then doing a promo, I did a promo with Tom and I were doing a weight loss challenge. I did a promo. I disguise a vlog, a short minute vlog of what I was doing or taunting Tom into a promo at the end. Tom, I'm working out. We're doing two a days, two a days for you that didn't play footballs, how we used to get, whatever it was. And then the Rock retweets it. And I'm like, crazy. It was so authentically me that, and it was my favorite time of making promos. It was my favorite like I'm and I was so in the pocket at that time and mind you I wasn't even selling like legit tickets like I am now I was selling like 1200 tickets a weekend and My favorite one I ever did They called up and they're like, yeah, we had we added shows I forget where we added shows Late show Friday late show Saturday and it was like Wednesday and I was like well I either go in and do radio where I can shoot a promo, and I said, Girls, I need everyone outside. Leanne's like, Girls are doing homework. The girls were maybe like 10 and eight. And I go, Please give me, it'll take literally five minutes, babe. I gave Leanne a leaf blower. I gave Isla a hose. I gave Georgia the drone. Georgia's 10. I got an American flag and a speedo. And I just had Georgia back the drone up with Isla misting me and Leanne leaf blowing me. And then it went from like this picture of me to see my family doing it. And I played Rambling Grandpa Man by Bob Seger. I went in, I edit it, I posted it. Next morning, both shows were sold out and I was like, wow, bro. And then, I mean, then we can talk about the progression of promos because it's such an interesting thing. My buddy's a marketing professor. He worked at Oregon, University of Oregon. Penn State, USF, UC, he's worked all over the country. And he was at the premiere of my movie and I said, dude, I would love to audit a marketing class. And he goes, and he said, we'll be teaching what you're doing in a couple of years. Wow.

And so far behind what you're doing.

It's just we're at the forefront of it. I mean, you know, obviously the calling out for the rock and Mark Wahlberg and Arnold Schwarzenegger, there was, it was, I mean, I was like, it's, it's, it's fun. It's fun. And it's, and it gets you excited when they repost. And then Mark did his own video calling me out. And then, and then in a great way, it's like, now Mark's promoting F-45 and let me tell you something. I have a burning sensation to get into an F-45 I want to go to. I want to go to an F-45. It's like the way he said, let me get you an F-40 and he's good as a brother. You gotta remember, these are the best actors in the world. When he starts doing this, let me tell you something. I know you're getting in shape for a movie because you got the fat belly, you're drinking beers. I get it. Now we gotta get you some fresh as hell. get you in that 45 episode of Big Tony. Like, he's the best. But yeah, the whole promo thing. And then I got out over my skis where I started doing so well in promos that my team started going, put them in the biggest venues we can get them in, 'cause he'll sell the tickets. Oh, wow.

Really?

Yeah. Oh, I did.

'Cause you were selling out these small arenas into a big arena.

So I went clubs, and then I did my theater tour. Uh-huh.

These clubs are what like 300, 200?

300 a night, 250 a night, and then theaters are what?

Theaters are 1200.

Your first run of theaters is like 1200 is the biggest you're gonna do.

And you're selling these out.

And so you're going from what you're doing a weekend to in one night. And then hopefully if you're doing it right, you're doing two shows a night. That's how you really make the money. You don't make money on one shows and theaters. You gotta sell two shows. So we go to the theater tour and I decide to do a hip hop dance video. And I, I, I'm very, a little bit of a penny pincher. And so, well, especially then, not as much now, but especially then. And so I was like, I was like, all right, so there's this girl D glazer. I liked her on my daughters and I would share her dance videos. So I D M her. I was like, hey, how can you teach me a hip hop dance? Because I wanted to prove to Rogan and Tom and Ari that I could dance. I don't know. It's just stupid. Stupid. Just boy stuff. And so I learned this hip hop dance. We shoot it. It's really good. And in doing it, we shoot it. It's good. Just shooting. It's funny. We're all laughing. So then I go do this one thing and just give me space on the left so I can run tour dates. And so we do the dance video. You know what a video is good when you post it and you start, you start getting text, texts within other comments. I posted it. We were looking at a house up just south of the boulevard. I posted it and I got a text from like a really big comic. He's like, dude, dance video amazing. And then you're like, you're like, okay. And then I posted those tour dates for that tour and I sold the whole tour out immediately. Holy cow. That's pre-sale. I sold it all out in pre-sale. So they add second shows to all of them. General on sale shows on Friday, I sell it out Friday, I sell them all out.

And I'm like, yo, and then I.

Watch, and then I watch my friends copy what I did.

And tries to what? Do a dance video?

Just a girl dropped 45 grand on a dance video and posted his videos and his did better than mine. Really? And he sold his whole Australian tour out. Come on. And then you watch fans going, what's next? Fluffy's calling. He's like, dude, how do I get in on these? Like Joe Koy, like we're all comics are like, yo man, can you come at me like that? Like, let's, 'cause Tom and I are very organic. We're best friends. we taunt each other. We try to one up each other.

Right.

And so then, and then the next tour comes and they're like, they're like, yo, what, what do you got? We're going to go bigger theaters. Let's go 3500 seats. And so you're like, okay. So I'm like, I'm just like, and they're very organic thoughts. I go, can I get a marching band? And they're like, what are you going to do with a marching band? I go, I don't know. I'll figure it out. Let them show up in my house. I'm sure we'll figure something out. They show up and I was like, what's long do you guys know? Then no one knows each other. So they're like, I can play rubber band man. I was like, yeah, I can play that. So then they, they sit around my pool, I stand around my pool, and I go back to like a standard promo for me was like lifting weights, going, what's up, everybody? It's your boy, bro, Chris, the machine. I drop the weights. I have a whistle around my neck. I go, I got a big announcement. And then the, the drummer comes out behind me. And then the marching band's out, put it on sale, sell out immediately. Add second shows, sell it out immediately. then they're like, all right, let's see how big we can go. Let's do Red Rocks, 10,000 seats. And I'm like, I'm like, mother.

And when was this? How many years ago?

This is, this is after, when the, when the, it's after pandemic. It's not after pandemic, but it's post pandemic when things are starting to open up.

2021.

2021, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the 2021 or something like that.

2021. October 2019.

Not too long ago.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't, by the way, the biggest I'd ever done was 3,500. The biggest I'd ever sold.

Before 2020.

But I was selling two shows.

Yeah.

I was selling two shows most of the time in these markets. Red Rocks is 10,000 and I'm struggling. I'm like posting every day.

It's not selling out yet.

I'm watching it grow by every day. It's like 150 seats. 150 seats. I'm doing the math. I'm like, okay, man. I'm like, I'm like two months out, I think. I'm think I'm about two months out.

I'm like, and you got 7000 more.

Tickets to sell or something like that.

Yeah.

No, probably like 5000, 5000 general.

Still half. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I, and I, and I go to shoot the movie. I rupture, I shoot the movie at 3500 seats. I rupture the tendons in my thing, lose my tricep. They have to pull it. They have to go in the surgery, pull it down. I go, I talked to the anesthesiologist before I go. He goes, so what song do you want to listen to? And I go, CCR. And he goes, why do you listen to a song going in? He goes, dude, it's surgery. We do this to crackheads. It should be fun. Lighten up. I'll give you a pill, you'll calm down. I'll have you count back from zero. And I go, hold on. Instead of counting back from zero, can I have my phone with me and do a promo read?

Oh, my gosh.

And he's like, yeah. I go, cool. So we roll in. I, I start with my left arm, right? And I don't really, they put a nerve, paralyzer in it. My left arm claps this. I grab the phone, my right arm, and he's walking me in and I go, I mean, you can find this, you can find all of these online, but I'm like, Hey, I'm, I'm, as I lay here on this, on this steel bed, about to go into surgery thinking, what is I worried about my life? I have one thought that I want to share with the world. I'll be at Red Rocks. And I go, and I, and I, I mean, like, oh, Jimmy Buffett's in there night before. I'm there the night, then it'll be the night after the Anastasia. I was like, Jimmy Buffett. I was like, yeah, you want to come? He's like, yeah, good night. And he hits me. And I was like, I was, drop the phone, wake up at a surgery. I look at Leanne, I go, did we get it? She's, we got it. You sold out. Sold out. Sold out. Red Rocks. Sold out. Red Rocks. Oh, yeah. Again in October, we're almost sold out. Holy cow. Do it for a cruise. And so, like, it became a little bit of, like, and I say this, I say this obviously aware of what it sounds like, but the joke within the comics was like, promo Kane, you just, you do great promos. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, I have a festival now that, that I'm, I'm marketing entirely on my own. I have a cruise that I do entirely on my own. We've had a bunch of people come to my company, birdie Productions. and ask us to market things for them. Wow. And join up. I mean, we've had a lot of, you know, but, but I, I, the truth is, I enjoy a good promo. Like, if I can get something that's creative, funny, light, and then tries to sell some Tord As.

Is there any promo you've made that didn't hit?

That I thought would hit? Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a couple.

Really?

Yeah. I have one that I was for the movie that was so good, it.

Just didn't take off. Was it? the message or the hook was off or is the timing when you posted it or what are the factors to having a great promo?

Well, a little bit of nudity sells.

When you go shirtless.

Well, shirtless. Shirtless. And people go, and my, my will sell. I had one really good one where I go, guys, I know the algorithm. My cells. And I've got, that's what I need you to hear. And so we pull out and reveal and we'd photoshopped my, on my front and it was totally naked. And it was, I mean, we lost it laughing when we saw it. And it just did like 500,000.

It didn't do it as well?

Didn't do it. And then some have done, some have done really well that you didn't expect. Like, some just, you don't know why they're going to do well and all of a sudden they just take off. Like, I did this one, I used to have a joke, just a silly joke to myself about being on a treadmill and being like, I was doing it, I was doing it to my, like, sometimes I'll work out and then my whole team will show up in the gym. and they'll start, we'll start my, my business day while I'm working out. The one question is by me and everything. So I was on the treadmill and I said, I was like, what's that? And I went, oh, I accidentally hit it on mosey and I started moseying and they started laughing. And then I, some, someone, I think it might have been Victoria, was like, hey, you've taken a cell in Dallas. Can you do that in cowboy boots with a lasso and, and put it on? And, and so, and we're like, oh, yeah, so we do it. and then immediately that goes viral and you're like, not viral, but like a couple million views and you're like, what? Wow, that's crazy. It was just a stupid, but yeah, the key is you gotta turn the camera on. That's the big key. Just turn the camera on start. Just once you turn the camera on.

Start, it starts and then you'll get something. But for people, I mean, people watching or listening maybe in business thinking, well, that's easy for you because you have all this self-confidence. You don't doubt yourself. You can make a fool of yourself and put it out there because that's what you do and you're comfortable in that. How can normal people become better marketers with promoting products, business service events without being one of the top comedians in the world?

Very easily. Become a fan first. So think of yourself as a consumer always. I mean, this is looking, I don't know anything. I'm just telling you how I operate. I love going to concerts. One of my businesses, live shows, but I love going to a concert. I love going to a concert and getting there early and taking my time with it. I love going to their merch booth and seeing what they got from her, seeing what's selling at merch. Ask them what's selling at merch. Why is it, why do you think that's selling? I love sitting before a show and thinking, what could this band have done differently to, like, the number one thing is like, people sometimes, like, especially for Red Rocks, I posted a lot about it that first time because I wanted to sell it out and I people were like, enough with the post. And I was like, then you're not a fan. Then if you're, if you're saying that, then you're not a fan. Because as a, as a fan, as a fan, if Wilco's coming to, coming to the Greek, they can post four times a day, and I would never get bothered. I could. Thanks for the reminder. I don't want to forget about those tickets that I have. Thank you. Post more. Hey, can I give you my personal phone number? That's what a fan would say. Right. So what you're getting is you're getting, you're getting, you're getting advice from a hater. Someone who doesn't like himself and doesn't like themselves and maybe they're jealous, maybe they're who knows why they do it, but they're not going to the show. So ignore that person right away. Ignore them entirely for the rest of your life. Because that's not who's on your team, who's on your team of the people that are showing up, right? And the people that are showing up, they want to be there and they want to be reminded. Do you know how many people buy tickets and forget that they have tickets? I've done it. I've done it a lot. Right. But look at yourself as like a fan and look at like, what do I like? What do I enjoy? Like, I went to go see Steely Dan at the Hollywood Bowl, and I thought, I thought, I was like, I want to wear sweatshirt because I'm gonna wear a sweatshirt. I want to buy a sweatshirt. I want to carry out a sweatshirt. I go, I hope they sell sweatshirts. And then I went, oh, I hope they sell sweatshirts. We're doing fully loaded this summer. We should have sweatshirts. And Leanne goes, it's summer, but I go, it always gets cold. And no one wants to bring a sweatshirt, but you're gonna want a sweatshirt. So let's have sweatshirts. But I look at it like a fan first, and I go, What would activate me? What would get me to buy a ticket? What will, you know, a very simple thing that I noticed was like, when Instagram started doing the swipe up, it was a swipe up for it was a tap. I remember sitting with three of the biggest comics in the world, and they were making fun of me for using Instagram stories. Like, you,'re a grown man. What are you doing? you're like, we like a little girl doing these stories. And I said, let me show you something. And I said, look, see this post right here? I go, this is promoting a show. And they're like, yeah, what is with that swipe up? And I go, watch this. I swiped up and I showed them.

How many people clicked to our heart.

And I go, I go, 2, 500 people clicked on that link. Those are tickets sold. Wow. And then all of a sudden, that's why three cynics are on their phone the next day. Hey, I got a show. I got a show. to take your finger and then go like this. And, but you're like, yo, activate your, to be above your fans is the, I've had, I've seen guys do it. They don't like their fans. They're above them. They think they're better than them. Dude, I'm my fan. I, this is gonna sound the dumbest thing in the world that you've ever heard any professional comedian say. I'm jealous of them that they get something they're, they get excited to do. How fun is going to your favorite show? if you're a fan of mine and you're going to your show and you like me, that's a fun thing to do. I love going to a show. I love having something to look forward to. I love to look at a month and go, Ooh, Goose is coming to Red Rocks this night. Let's all go to Red Rocks. Oh, I love more than anything. I'm trying to think of exactly who we're going to see. Wilco, Wilco Goose, why's it been panic? watch where Panic is on tour. I love getting into my phone. I love buying the tickets. I love buying the tickets. I'm in a place where I can buy all the tickets or get them comped.

Right.

I love getting my tickets. Get like a box. It's figured out where you're going. Get six. I did it for Steely Dan. I got six tickets. I did the whole box, six tickets. And then I said, this is my night. Who do I want to invite? Yeah. So I asked Leanne. She goes, oh, you got to invite. You should invite your trainer because you guys listen to Steely Dan when you work out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been listening to all week. Ooh, her roommate is one of the biggest chefs in LA. Antonio Lafosa. I go to the Bowl. We can cater it ourselves. I'm gonna have Antonio have her restaurant catering for us. I go, oh, I love that energy. I love it. Now, there are comics that don't go see live shows. There are bands that don't go see live shows. It's befuddling to me because I'm like, that's the business we're in. Why wouldn't you love, it's like being an athlete who doesn't watch sports. or being a guy who makes films who doesn't watch movies or like, I love it. And so I think the number one thing is think of yourself. If you're selling cars and you don't like cars, you might be in the wrong business. But if you're selling cars and you like cars, think about what turns you on.

Yeah.

Like, what gets you to go like, oh, they got a new Porsche. It's entirely electric. I want to go check it out. Well, how do I, how can I do that with my brand?

Sure.

I'm look, I'm a very I'm a very like, like head against the wall, kind of like meathead, like I'm not the smartest guy in the room, but I just try to operate in like a very simple arithmetic way of how are we going to get from A to B? Sure.

It's fascinating, man. Something I'm curious about is every funny guy from high school and college, none of them are doing anything right now that I know of.

Yeah.

How did you become who you are when everyone tries to be the funny guy and be the life of the party, and then they go on and get a job that they don't like and they're not actually doing the thing to bring joy to more people the way you've been doing it? How did you stay in this world, this arena of fun, jokes, comedy, entertainment, where most people from high school and college who are the funniest person in the room Don't do that.

Very short answers, I think, humility. I was the funny guy in college. I was one of the funny guys in high school, but I went to high school with really funny people. But like in college, I was probably the funniest guy in the room. There was a bunch of really funny guys. Oh, a bunch that tried to get into standup. But really? Yeah, yeah, but, you know, tried it. But they were like, they didn't do well. And then their ego shut them down and was like, oh, look at these nerds doing like clever. I'm not, I'm funny, dude. I make you laugh. Like, I make them, they're like going like, I'm like, dude, I'm done with this. I think it's ego. Really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, the funniest guys a lot of times are like the athlete who just, it's not funny. He's just the loudest, biggest, slap the guy in the back of the neck. Everyone laughs because no one's like, that's the energy. And I I'm not saying I wasn't that guy. I wasn't that guy. But, like, I was an athlete. I was a big. I'm a regular size dude. In college, I was a frat boy. I was, like, a meathead. And I'm sure a lot of my laughs were at the expense of other people at times. But when I got to New York, and there was this thing of my ego was shutting me down of, like, not. like, I didn't want to. I didn't want to put myself out there, really be vulnerable and say, like, I want to be funny. How do I do this? Like, can someone help me? Because I was funny.

I knew I was funny, but you got to go, like, I gotta learn. I want to learn. But there's an art to stand up.

And comedy versus a group of five buddies and telling jokes and just having people laugh at you. Completely different. I mean, let's be honest, the guys I grew up around, just calling your friend gay, right? That was, like, people laugh. That was the sense of humor, right? Look at him. Look at this shirt, you know, like, and it doesn't translate, you gotta figure out, I mean, number one, you gotta find your voice. Well, number one, you gotta learn the craft a little bit. You gotta figure out how to write a joke and learn how to write a joke and learn how to learn stage presence, learn how to think quick on your feet. There's a lot, be comfortable on stage.

There's a lot of that that goes on. And then after you get all that, you gotta find your voice and that's.

Gonna take you a long time. How did you find your voice? And was it different than what you were in college for those years? So what's interesting is that I had my natural voice the very first time I got on stage. Really? 100%. was closer today to where I was that first time than ever in my life. What happened is I moved to New York and I, comedy wasn't doing what my natural voice was. I was more of a storyteller and New York was very set up punch, very crowd worky, very quick on your feet, very, very improv-y, but like trick improv, like, you ask someone a question, but you already have the punch line. And then, and then you could, like, trick people to think you came up with it on the fly. And it's, it was like that. It's why I had to learn that. And I had to learn crowd work. Interesting. And then I moved to LA, and I got further away from my voices. I learned real setup punch. Like, like, I don't, I'm trying to wish I could remember one of them. But, you know, you know what cops hate when you touch their faces? Like, and then that was, that was me. And then I took it on the road, and. and I got a little better, but I was always sort of derivative of what else you were seeing. And I think that was a lot of us comics where we're all derivative. We're all derivative of Dane if we're gonna be very candid. Dane and Dave Attell and Mitch Hedberg.

Were like the guys. Right. Dane was like a god back in the day, right? I mean, I saw him a couple weeks ago at the club and he's still just like so powerful. He can extend a story for like.

15 minutes and keep you hooked.

There's no joke yet. It just keeps telling it and building it.

He'S amazing. And, and, but I think podcasting helped me find my voice. Really? Yeah. But you started in 2012, right?

I start.

Well, I started whenever Rogan started. I didn't, I started doing my podcast, like, a couple years after Rogan, but I started doing Rogan's podcast when he's, you know, right, the first year he was doing it. Yeah. And I, and I remember going in with jokes to do his podcast the first time. Interesting.

And, and, but this is, like, 10 years ago or something, right?

Or this is, no, this is 12 years ago. It's gonna be 13. Yeah. Yeah. And he, you came in with jokes. And, and this is my impression of Joe. Huh? Because you, you know, you don't tell.

A joke to another comedian.

You would never run, I'd never fly a joke by you. I'd be, or I might go like, hey, let me ask you, you heard something like this? I'll do that. But I would never, like, really tell you a joke as a comic. Why not? It just isn't, it's not, that is.

That is, that is against the law in our business. What are the, what are the the.

Unwritten rules in comedy, you do not run a bit by another comic and think they're not gonna catch it or smell it. Like, I remember Patrice O'Neal, someone was doing a bit and he goes, Are you doing a bit to me right now? You think I'm gonna sit and listen to a f***ing bit?

Wow.

Out in front of the club, do it on stage, don't do it in front of me. Gross. And I told Rogan a bit about, on his show. On his show, I said it and then I've watched it. start to fall apart. And then I was like, I was like, I was like, you know, never mind. He was like, no, no, tell me. Tell me the story. Whatever. I'll finish it. I go, I don't think you'd like it. He goes, Tell me. Why not? Why would I like it? Joe is like, Joe's like my wife, just brutally honest. And you're like, Good God, I'm so uncomfortable right now. No, tell me. Why don't you like you're a fan? He goes, Just tell me the thing. And then I told him, and he goes, I like it. Okay. And I was like, okay, this is not jokes. This is not jokes. This is not morning radio. This is going to be two friends talking and having a conversation. And at best, the best of two friends talking is when people go, Hey, did you hear about that time Joe Liech Shu and you're like, Wait, what? Or, Hey, did you hear about the time I pizza box or I fought a bear? And that was what and that was what worked on Joe's podcast was, My dad's on speed and he's been putting pregnant women's under his tongue. And he's like, Wait, tell me more. And then you're like, okay. Or I got I got I had this weird interaction with a bellman. And then I told her on Joe's story. And then all of a sudden that became a bit. And then I'm like, oh. And so I started developing bits based on a real authentic conversation like I would have had in high school, like I would have had in college, like I did the first time on stage. I started having these authentic conversations.

And then I got known for a little bit.

I was like, Hey, next time I'm on, remind me to tell you about the time I got involved with the Russian mafia. And he's like, Wait, what? I was like, I'll tell you when next time I'm on.

Oh, that's a good. That's a good promo.

And then he. A week later, he's like, dude, you gotta come on and tell me the story. So. And so then that. That's when I found my authentic voice.

Interesting.

What is.

What is your authentic voice?

If you could voice it, I think it's a little bit. I think it's a little bit Florida. Like, I think there's this, like. And this is way overthinking it. But there's a little bit of the wild men that went through Florida that I have a little bit of all of them a little bit in me. I have a little bit of meathead, a little bit of moron, a little bit of Carl Hiassen, a little bit of Ernest Hemingway, a little bit of this weird Florida eclectic man that is the Florida man. And it's like my stories are a little outrageous the way you would hear in Florida. because no one told you, no one just told you facts. They told you the story. They told, they would, they wanted you to, I mean, I remember older men when they'd tell a story and, and they'd, and they'd have words like, and you're like, I don't even know what that means by know what you're saying, you know, like, like, you know, like, and, and, like, our, our, our, our baseball coaches growing up would just tell you these stories back in the day.

When I was playing ball and this.

And this, and they were ballbusters and they were men and and they'd fist fight, but they drank and they chewed tobacco and they thought you were weak if you didn't chew tobacco. And like, I feel like, and then juxtapose all that with my father, who's a very pretty straight-laced Brooks Brothers-wearing Democrat in a sea of Republicans. Wow. Very, very, very, to this day, very progressive. Huh, to this day, if you, like, and he is very, he's very humble. His mantra in life is eat cash checks. Instilled that into me to a fault. But I think I'm a little bit of Florida. I think I fit in in Florida. I think people get my energy in Florida. And I think that's how we grew up with the crazy and wild stories.

Sure.

I'm definitely not New York. I'm definitely not LA.

How long you been out here now?

I've been out here like 20. It was since 2000, so. Wow.

23 years after college, you went to New York for a little bit.

Went to New York, got discovered by Will Smith, did the bicoastal thing for like two years, like 97, 98, 99. And then 2000, booked a TV show and moved out here full time. Still did the bicoastal thing, but never went back. Right. Booked a TV show and then. just started living out here. And, I mean, when I, I, it's funny, I was just telling someone the other day, I never, I, sometimes if you're like, we didn't have any Civic Pride in Tampa. Like, there's no, like, no one was, like, proud of me from now. I am. But, like, when I was a kid, it was like, I thought I belong in La. Like, I really thought I belonged in California. And my first time in California, I was right. I was here. I was right where we are right now. Literally right here over the mall right there.

Yeah.

I was there.

You know how unattractive this area is. It's very sterile. get a little better, but yeah, I call my property. It's 97, 98. I call my dad and I go, I'm going to live here for the rest of my life.

Really?

And I was here in the corporate world.

It wasn't even beautiful.

It wasn't even beautiful. I hadn't even seen, I haven't seen the good parts yet.

Wow.

I driven from LAX to here. Why did you have that feeling? The energy, the air, the temperature, the vibe, everything. And then, and then when winter rolled in and it got windy and cold, and I was like, but not too, too cold. And the mornings would be like a little brisk. But then they cooled as the sun comes out. And then when the rain showed up, everyone got excited. It's raining. It was like, well, it rained every day in Tampa. I hated rain. But then all of a sudden, out in LA, like, it's raining. And if you ever got thunder, you'd be like, how lucky are we? I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I would go out to the beach every single day. When I first moved here, I go out to the beach and run on the beach. I'd drive from the Hollywood Hills to.

The beach to do a jog and drive home. I loved LA. I still love it.

I still love it.

It's hard to beat it. It's hard to be, I mean, I grew up in Ohio, great people, great, you know, all four seasons though. Super muggy in the summer, very cold in the winter. You deal with it, but it's not perfect weather like this every day. I couldn't, I know so many people have gone to Florida in the last three years. I can't do it there. It's so muggy.

I was just there the other day.

I have to shower three times a day just to walk outside.

I was just there the other day and you know, something will happen, you know, wherever you are. It's like you work out, you take a shower and then you still sweat for a little bit.

In Florida, you never stop sweating. You're all day.

You got to carry a towel. You have to carry a towel.

Yeah.

And I remember my assistant was with me and he's like, this is unlivable. And I go, bro, I had swamp for the first 18 years of my life.

I had to wear khakis to school every single day. Yeah, it's, it's, I don't understand.

People are like, it's incredible that there's no taxes, you know, you can do whatever your freedom. Oh, there's so many predators. You got alligators, you got lightning, sharks, you got poisonous animals, hurricanes, tornadoes show up. Florida's like, the fact that you come out of Florida makes you a strong person. I mean, look at Germany, they got no predators. They got don't even know wolves. They got nothing. They got nothing. Those people are so soft. The Germans are, you know, they die in Australia like every day to like nine Germans die a day. And really, dude, They go to Australia like dude, look at this water. It's so nice. I'll just jump in. What? That a big lizard? Oh no. I wonder if I can pet him. Yeah, German. Every sign in Australia is written in English and in German. Come on. I swear to God, I swear to God. I swear to God. No predators. They got no predators. If you grow up in a world with no predators, no predators, then you just look at the like, every like, why would I ever check the grass for snakes? I check every week. day of my life. I walked into my backyard and I looked where I stepped. Because when you step on a snake once, you never enjoy the grass again. Oh, man. Step on a snake once. I stepped on a snake one time. Stepped on a snake. And then I'm telling you, I sprinted. Gators. Oh, no. I couldn't do it. We go water skiing. You fell water skiing. No one was ever like. No one was ever like, that was fun.

You were like, what? Wait, you can go water skiing in Florida?

I didn't know you could go with this gators there. I thought you- That's the water skiing capital of the world.

In the gator infested waters?

Gator infested waters? I was 11 and my dad's like, have fun water skiing. That is the perfect size for a gator to fit you in its mouth.

Wait a minute.

What do you do? Our lightning's so bad, we can't even have giraffes in our zoo.

Are you serious?

No, let me be serious. But imagine how scary that would be though.

Oh man. So water skiing, I didn't even know that was possible.

Oh yeah.

I thought it was like they just made lakes and then gated it so there's no animals going. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never go in. I would never go water skiing in.

Gators in every lake in Florida. People are skiing and they're 13-foot gators there. Remember when that. How do you get in the water? There was a kid that got attacked in Disney. Yeah. And everyone was like, can you believe it? I go, 100%. Yeah, we never went to a lake at night. Never went to a lake at night. They're sitting there waiting for you with the little eyes. You never went in the lake at night, mother. No. And then our oceans, New Smyrna Beach, shark attack capital of the world. Of the world. Dudes get bit on the reg.

Come on.

All the time. All the time. Shark attack capital of the world. Google, just Google, aerial view of Florida beaches and then type in sharks. and you will see one fat dude from Pennsylvania sitting in the water and 90 sharks around him. Holy 90. You will see not. There was a dude that was going kiteboarding. Kiteboarding failed. Sharks just ate him. Come on. That's Florida. So when you grow up in that, when you grow up in that, I think it creates a different person. A little bit of anxiety, a little bit of anxiety. Like, I'm hyper aware of sharks. I'm hyper aware of gators. Hyperaware of the, the, the, the. weather. I'm literally, dude, I knew dudes that got struck by lightning. I knew one dude that got struck by lightning twice. In Florida?

In Florida.

Holy cow, man. Dude, it. Lightning was very real. And our parents would just drop us off in the golf course at like 10 o'clock. The course is there. And be like. And be like, you guys play two rounds of golf. We'll grab you at four. And you play one round of golf, go in, get a root beer, get a. Get a cheeseburger. Then you come back out, play another round, and that's when the rain comes in. Anyone from Florida right now is going, Oh, it starts raining around two or three. Every day it rains in two or three thunderstorms roll through every day in the summer. And our parents just left us out with steel rods and go, go in this field. Good luck. Hopefully I'll see you at four. It was, dude, I'm trying, I wish.

I could work a bit out of it.

I feel like you're working on one right now. This is good, man. It's true that, like, you start realizing, I was on a hike with, I was on a hike with my daughter, Isla. My daughter, Isla, says some really insightful things sometimes in her own little weird way.

How old is she?

I don't know. She's 16. She's 16. And.

She.

She'S hyper aware of snakes and spiders, especially black widow spiders are really bad in the valley.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just moved to Studio City.

Oh, oh brother. Take your Adirondacks and flip them upside down. You'll see little white balls underneath it. It's all the babies. It's all black widow spider webs. That's where they put in your Adirondacks. Oh, man. If you have one of those, stop at Rock City, little mailboxes, all in, I mean, they're bad. So we're in Hawaii with the family, we're on a hike, and we're with this guide, and he is like super, like casual, and Isla is everywhere. And he's like very laid back. It was like he got really high, and he was like, he's like, I'm not gonna do the Hawaiian accent, so it'll sound, it won't sound Hawaiian, it'll just sound racist. He's like, well, I don't even know what it sounds like. And he says to, and Isla goes, Aren't you worried about snakes? And he goes, We don't have snakes in Hawaii. She goes, you, don't have snakes in Hawaii? And I know, she goes, well, that explains everything. And he goes, what? And then she looks at me, she goes, I've been wondering why this guy's so relaxed. He didn't grow up with snakes. And she goes, Can you imagine that, Dad? Never worrying about a snake. And then I thought, just casually, every time we play softball in our front yard, the ball rolls under the bushes. and you stick your hand in there, it's that flash Gordon moment where you're like, am I getting bit by a snake?

Right?

Like, my whole life. And if you grow up in Hawaii.

And you just put the hands in bushes.

Yeah, you put your whole face in there. The whole face. I wonder what's back here.

Hey, let's flip these rocks over. This is hilarious, man. Here's what I'm fascinated by. You've got three shows. You know, you got three, essentially two podcasts, a YouTube show. I don't know how you do those three. you got a Netflix special right now, which is hilarious. You got the machine movie in theaters and you got a world tour coming up. I don't understand how you were mentioning before we started about how you aren't really doing therapy right now because every day you're talking about yourself.

Yeah.

How do you manage really stay healthy, happy, keeping up your relationships while doing so many incredible projects all at once and having to be on to promote them all and and come up with great, you know, promos and hooks and just be on constantly.

How do you manage it all? Well, it's, it's in, it's interesting. So, like, so the hardest part is that all, all the promotion stuff is, is a hat you wear. Like, it's, it's, your brain is in that mode, and, and staying healthy is, is, oddly enough, is not, and I'm not the most healthy guy in the world, but, like, there's, like, cough, even.

Like, mental health and just, you know, relationship health.

So I try to stay super grounded in, like, just how lucky I am. Like, I It's going to super sound super silly, but like Rob Dyrdek did this. I talked about this. I love Rob. He's he talked about this like quantifying.

His happiness one day.

Yep.

Yep.

He measures it all. Yeah.

Every day.

It's I'm not that guy. It's unbelievable. So I draw I draw a lot of inspiration from people that are totally not like me at all. Like David Goggins and Rob Dyrdek and yeah, and Cam Haynes and like, you know, I can't do half a marathon every day like Cam does. But one day I just go, I'm going to full cam. Let's go half a marathon today. Let's just do 12 miles on the treadmill. Let's have fun. Wow. Rogan is a great inspiration. Jesse Itzler, he's great. I just texted him with him last night. I think we're gonna do that.

Are you gonna do the hell? Yeah.

No, no, no. I'm gonna do the run.

29-0-2-9 or the all-day running.

Whatever the one is.

The party one.

Dude. Yeah, it's gonna be a blast. And so from Rob Dyrdek, I got this. I actually figured out I heard gratitude my whole life. But I figured out how to quantify gratitude. And really, yeah, I started keeping this thing called a happiness journal. I started writing down things that made me happy and then writing down things that didn't make me happy. And then going like, okay, let's identify the happy things. And then let's start doing more of those. Even if there's stuff that's out of my comfort zone, super silly, like super easy to quantify. I was like, I know making dinner for my breakfast for my daughters makes me very happy. And having breakfast with them makes me even happier. One morning, I know that I wrote that down on my happiness journal. One morning I'm hungover, it's seven in the morning, girls are in the kitchen and I hear them and I'm like, I'm going back to bed. And they go, Hold on. I've proven that making them breakfast makes me happy. So let's just make them breakfast. I get up, I make them breakfast, we start laughing. I kind of forget that I'm hungover entirely. George is like, you, want to go for a hike? And I go, I know that makes me happy. We go for a hike and then I go for a hike and I feel amazing. And I'm like, and so, and then I started listening a little more to Rob Dyrdek, and I can't apply everything he does because I'm not totally that guy.

He's, he's very down, Dan, but I.

Really started quantifying gratitude and trying to be grounded, grounded in gratitude and, and place that gratitude and, and, and understand that anything from the outside is just stuff from the outside. And, like, and, like, and before, as far as mental health, I stay off all social media apps. Like, I don't really like I don't read comments and I don't read I stay away from it and it'll creep in at times. Like you can't help it. Sure. Like you'll you'll slip in and you're like, God dang it, like like YouTube. I'm like and I'm so promoting myself. I'm everywhere right now. I can't open an app without seeing your face. I'm everywhere and I'm so I'm like I'm like, okay, so I've been totally off of my phone entirely. I like I almost entirely and then and just and my wife's pretty regular. like, pretty regular, like, like, yo, be a dad right now. And so she's grounded. Yeah. And I'm very, as far as, like, everything else, like, I wake up every morning at probably, like, six in the morning, and I work out really hard. I have a trainer that comes to my house, and I work out really hard.

Not as, not as hard as Walberg.

But pretty, not as hard as Walberg.

No, we got to do it. F45 class.

Dude, I'm in. I would love to. I would love to, but. And then so when I have that hat on of promoting stuff, the problem is when you get, when you're doing stand up, you got to put on a totally different hat where all you think about is jokes all day long.

And you got a marketing hat. Another one's an actually entertainer joke performance full hour hat, which is a whole another skill set.

Well, it's a whole another skill set and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's all kind of found a little bit. Like for me, my material is a little found. It's not like, Crafted. It's more like I stumble on something and then and you roll with it.

Yeah.

And then I and then I roll with it. And so that for me, I just got in book spots and that's the hardest part is you work all day long. Last thing you want to do is go to a club and wait until midnight to go on. But like I do that, like when I go to Austin to do our podcast, I'll do Rogan's Club and then I'm off the grid.

I'm not I don't have to feel like I'm away from my kids. How do you set yourself up to get in the pocket when you're on stage. Like, if you could remember the times where you're like, man, I was just in the zone, the flow, the pocket. Was there a process for getting in there that day or that hour before or that week that allowed you to get the best possible chance? Because obviously you got the energy of the crowd, you got to deal with other situations. But for you to be in there where it's just like, man, this is everything is landing. What does that process look like?

Um, you can never, even on your, like, best day, we're like, man, I'm, I'm firing hot all day. Wait till this happens on stage. You can still bomb. And then you're like, wait, where did that come from? And then on days where you're like, I'm not feeling it. I don't want to go to the club. And then you have, like, the best side of your life. The only on the road, I have a little bit of a, of a schedule. I like to work out around four. I like to take a nap around 5 30. I like to wake up at, like, seven. I like to start drinking coffee around 7 30. I don't have coffee all day long. I like to have it right before I go on stage. That's, that's really helpful. Really? Yeah. A cup of coffee is really helpful. I heard Nick team really helps, too. A lot of my friends are all using Nick team before they go on stage or while they're on stage, but I, I'm not gonna do that. But coffee right before I go on stage really helps. I have little things that I do, like, so if I'm, if I'm pretty thick in an hour, like, say, 16th month, months into You know, an 18-month run of getting ready for an hour. I like to get drunk or high when I go on stage, like pretty lit.

Why is that?

'Cause it's nice to f*ck up what is a very rote material, like material that you've been doing. Oh, this is my beginning, this is my thing. Interesting. It's good to be a little f*cked up and be in a club, not in a theater, but be a little f*cked up and screw things up 'cause it forces you to think on the fly and it forces you to rethink things that were, like, it's almost like, like painting blind and just. And then taking the blindfold off and going, oh, what is that? Some of my best bits were bits that were doing just fine. And then I tried them once drunk, and they go sideways. And then I'm like, wait, I gotta fix that on the Fly. And then I go, wait, if I took this bit, and you're thinking it's forcing you in the moment. Yeah, I like to do that. But for the most part, I really enjoy. This is going to sound not like the answer anyone wants to hear. I like a little structure and I don't like to be drunk on stage. I like to be sober on stage. I like to have coffee on stage. I don't mind having a drink on stage, but to go on stage drunk is never like a winning recipe for me.

Right. And how do you keep your confidence up? How do you build the confidence, keep it up if something's not going your way on stage?

Oh, that's part of the, I don't know if this is fool's gold, but that's, you kind of need things to not go right on stage to be, to know you're going in the right direction.

Really?

Yeah.

Anyone who's killing every time they go on stage is not, they're not taking enough chances.

They're not risking.

Yeah, you got to risk things and you got to fail and you got to fail epically at times and you got to fail like, like it took me, it took me like a solid year to get the machine story to work at all.

You kept trying and it just wasn't working.

Dude, we're talking about this back when I toured clubs. So we're talking about six shows a weekend, working 40 weekends a year. And then at the end of that year, I kind of got it where it started working.

Because you're doing, what, 10, 15 minute segments? No, no, no.

I was doing an hour, an hour.

Six times a weekend.

Six times a weekend. Holy cow.

And it wasn't for a year.

It wasn't landing.

It wasn't landing. How do you, why do you keep.

Doing it when you know, because you know it's there.

You know it's there. You know it's there. Even though it's bombing every time or there's no laughs, there's always something, there's always something where you go, this has got like it's, it's a, I had a joke about Confederate statues that I'm still never told on a special, but it was a really, I knew there was something there. I didn't know what the joke was, but I knew there was something there. And it, it was like nine different ways of racist before it got to work. But I knew something was there. And when I finally solved it, I went, I got it. And it's a great joke. It's a great joke. And it, if it is anything, it's very progressive. But you gotta figure out the ones that you gotta just break the eggs to make the omelette. You can't just make an omelette with no shells anywhere.

Is there any joke that you thought was there that you haven't figured out yet over the years?

Oh yeah, there's a bunch. Yeah. There's a bunch.

And do you still feel like it could be there?

Oh, there's one I figured out last week in Austin that I've been chewing on. For like 10 years?

Come on, 10 years you've been thinking about it.

10 years. And then I tried every now and.

Then once every couple of years.

Or got it. And it would get like a smash. The statement in and of itself was working, but nothing around it was working.

The punchline was working, you mean?

Or like, no, the concept. The concept. And the concept was there. I just couldn't figure out how to tell it. And it was based on a true story. and I couldn't figure out the thing. And then, and I'd always had it. And I remember I said it to Sugar one time, and he laughed hysterically. He's like, is that a bit? I was like, no, but I, I said it at a Chinese New Year's party, and it killed when I said it. And then I told him the story, and he goes, shut the up. And he's like, are you doing that?

I was like, I can't get it to work.

Because you tried it in a club. You tried it, and it just came off. You, you gotta find, you know, sometimes with some jokes, especially, you know, anything a little edgier, you gotta find the lubricant to get it there. And you gotta find the friendliness. I had another joke. There's two jokes in this new hour that one I wrote probably, the child that happened to is now has a kid. So it had to be like probably 13 years ago, 13 years ago I had an experience with this child. He's not an adult, he has a child. He's bigger than I am. And I had an experience with him 13 years ago that made me giggle. And then the word that he used to talk to me, and then my wife one day said something about how she had dated a cousin and found out at a family reunion, and I was like, Huh? And she said something that made me laugh. like, what her dad said to defend it was hilarious. And then I was like, oh, if I can marry. Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell these as one. So you just, you know, it's. It's almost like keeping, like, really good notes about your ideas and then going back and going like, oh, that. That can work now, or. Or I'm a better comic, and now I can get that to work. And that's a lot of it is.

Like, you've got more reps now.

You got. You become a better comic, and you can figure this. There was a story that happened to me. there was a story that happened to.

Me.

When I was, when I was 25 years old. That was just a hilarious story. It was a, it was a simple interaction, a phone call, and that was it. I tried telling it 25 years ago and nothing. And the other night I told it in Austin and Mark Norman came up to me. He goes, that's the Best story I've ever heard. Come on. Swear to God.

Now is it a better story because you told a better story or is it because you are who you are? People love you, they know you, they think it's funnier because you've got the platform and the specials and the movie and you're just a funny guy.

I think you get more confidence on stage. I think it's exactly as funny as it was 25 years ago. It's the same story hasn't changed at all.

It's more your energy that you bring to it.

I think it's your energy and I think you your confidence. Like, look, if you watch Dave Chappelle, who's the greatest at what we do, he's changed. He's grown as a comic to now he can he can open a show singing Prince. He open a special quoting Prince and you're just like, oh, that's amazing. Whereas maybe if he did it 20 years ago, you would have been like.

What are you doing?

Right?

Yeah, I think you be I remember Louis saying that you become a better comic and then you look at bits that you couldn't get to work and then you're like, oh, I can get that to work.

Interesting. So is building confidence for you all about the reps or is there other ways to build confidence, especially in the world of comedy? I think it's about the reps.

I think it's about getting confident on stage and being really comfortable on stage. I think as a young comic, I came in going like, I'm gonna be aggressive, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna be that. And then I got older and I was like, oh, I don't need to be that guy. I can be a guy who tells you just what his life's about and talks about his own personal experiences. Yeah.

There'S some, there's some great people that do that on stage today in your mind. And I don't want you to single anyone out because I know there's lots of great comics, but, and people just in comedy, but who are two or three that really inspire you today or maybe that resonate with you in a special way today? Well, I mean, David Tell is my favorite comic.

There is. David Tell is the best comic. That's, I was talking to Sergio about him last night, and he was like, you know, he's in Austin, and I went down, he goes, I just went.

Down to watch him.

He was like, and I said to him, I forget how great you are. And I'm on tour with Dave on fully loaded, and I just, I do it because I like watching him. His brain is so different than anyone's. And he's such a master at our craft. Chappelle's, Chappelle's, I mean, that's hand in hand as those two, Chris Rock. Chris Rock's the reason I got into comedy, you know? Yeah. Bring the pain. Oh, my God. And then there's a ton other ones, you know, that are fantastic. Bill Burr's brilliant. I mean, he's brilliant.

Brilliant.

I mean, legit brilliant. You know, like, there's no, like, he's in there, and there's a ton more. I mean, Nate Bargatze, Mark Norman, Shane Gillis. There's dudes younger than me that I go, watch out. These guys are monsters.

Wow.

Yeah. And you like, Nate Bargatze can get you to laugh about eating, like he can tell you about eating a cracker.

And you cry laughing. what is the thing that Mo, that you're the most proud of that maybe a lot of people wouldn't think you're that proud of, or they don't know about something maybe that you don't talk about too much that you're really proud of, whether you do or you've done or you haven't done.

This is so stupid. So sometimes you, you sometimes you see something you did and you go, oh, I forgot. Like, I'm, I'm pretty funny. Like, like, I, like. Cause you forget, like, you do it, you do a special or you do a movie and you, you know, you, I did this thing called what Will the Maid Thing? When I was working on Travel Channel, I would leave hotel rooms.

The maid, what would the maid, what.

Would the maid think? It was a hashtag I'd use. And I'd leave hotel rooms in interesting fashions. I'll show you some on my phone. And every now and then I'll see one and I'll go, I forgot that was me.

Huh?

Like, that's legit funny. That's legit funny. And I would do it, and I would make myself giggle, and then I would laugh throughout the day about it. And I'd leave a hotel room like it, leave a nice tip. But I would laugh hysterically. And so every now and then I see it and I go, what would the maid think? Well, the maid think. And I see them and I go, so, and I forget. oh, that's me. So, like, I'm gonna. Okay, this was the very first one I ever did. Okay. Very simple.

Oh, my God.

I just put my shoes behind the curtain and left.

Holy cow.

Right. Every now and then I go, like. Like I'm so self-promoting so. So much, especially with all these projects, that every now and then I'll see something. Something like that will show up and I'll go, sometimes I was just funny just for funny's sake.

Right.

Sometimes. Like some of the most brilliant things are the things that no one really knows about, but you did it for yourself. I look at that and every now and then I go, I was just a funny dude.

Like a really organically funny guy.

Yeah, like when I talk to my friends from college and they tell stories about me, the ones that I'm not telling everyone else, you know, like you're just doing it. Like it was, I remember we had Theta Homecoming. and we were in chapter. And so they told us the other night, they were like, do you remember when you got kicked out of chapter, out of theta chapter? And I was like, I definitely remember. The president said, you know, we got homecoming coming out, but I made a joke and everyone laughed. And he was like, Hey, let's not, we're trying to get through this for real. Theta homecoming. And I made another joke. And he goes, Hey, I'm being dead serious. I hear one more joke about theta or homecoming. and you're out of here. And it's quiet. And he sits down, he goes, all right, are we ready to start? And under my breath, I go, two thetas walking to a bar and the place. And I was like, but you forget about these, like, when you, when you were genuinely funny, not for a tv show, not for a, not for social, social media, not just, just being funny. And everyone's doubled over. And, and, and it was just for that group. I, those are the times where I, I like, when, like, people tell stories about me that I grew up with or from something, and they're like, do you remember that? And I'm, I'll be like, oh, man, that's what, like, I saw that. I saw that what would the maid think? And I was like, and I did it, and I just posted it. I just would never, there was no viral thing when I was doing that. Tribal Channel hated it.

And I think you should bring that back.

I like that.

Bring that back to Instagram.

I, man, when I, I like that. When I was good at it, I was good. Oh, man, I like that. I was good. I I was, I, that's a good, I haven't done it in forever.

Dude, you gotta bring the whole thing.

What happened is the hotel started expecting it. So I get to my room and there'd be 30 towels, 45 pillows, a ton of toilet paper. They'd be like, leave us something.

And then I'd be like, panic, anxiety.

Of like, how do I outdo the last one? And then they started doing it to me. I'd get there and my bedroom would be replaced by a white water rafting raft. And they'd have mannequins all over my room.

Kind of cool. It was good content now though.

Yeah.

Caverns of the Winds, I think.

I mean, that should be on this next tour.

I live in a tour bus now. I'll be doing it to myself.

I'm curious about, there's so many great comedians that bring laughter and joy to the world, but there must also be a dark side to comedy or to comedians. There must be pain that comedians go through, suffering, sadness, loneliness, insecurities, doubt. can you speak about the dark side of Comedy? If there is that?

I mean, look, I I don't, I don't, I don't want to dictate how people think about Comics, but I think there's something inherent in every comic where he felt like a, he or she felt like a little bit like an outsider looking in, maybe a little bit of bullying that happened.

They were bullied.

Yeah, they were bullied or they felt like an outsider. I always felt I still in this business always felt like an outsider, right? Yo, yeah, I definitely, I never had like industry like praise. Like the industry was, when I was young, I was never on the top 10 comics to watch. I was never given the half hour comedy central special when everyone got them. I, I kind of always had to make my own way, which I think is inherent in every comic. You feel like you have to make your own way. And I think everyone, I don't, I don't know if I have like a real sincere darkness. I don't think I do. But I know I deal with anxiety and I deal with like a little bit of OCD and I don't, I'd say depressing, but not really like not someone who's watching now goes, I haven't, I go down on that. But I was bullied, you know, a fair amount as a kid. Just regular back school then, like 1980s bullying that happened. And, but I think every comic has a little bit of an outsider's view. I think. And that's why they're funny is they see things a little bit differently than everyone. and you don't want your kids to go through it. You don't want any kid to go through it. But sometimes you'll see a kid going through stuff and you'll be like, that kid's gonna be a great comic. Really? Oh, yeah. Where you're like, so wait, so wait. Like, like, I mean, I remember, and it's just like, just little things that, that, that set an example on you where you're like, here's how we're dealing with life. Like, I had closing ceremonies for Little League Baseball, and I did make the All-Star team that year.

I was young.

That year I was young. I was in the young kids group. and there was an All-Star game that day, and the coaches were like, hey, we need your uniform. I was like, huh? He was like, you can turn in your uniform. I was like, I'm not keeping this. And he's like, no, no, no, we keep them. Turn it in. I was like, probably don't. All I have is a Speedo on. And he was like. He's like, oh, that's what you're wearing. And so then for an entire All-Star game, I had to watch an All-Star game in a Speedo, knee-high socks, stir-ups come on, a glove and a hat. And I, like, I was Magic Mike. and I was like, you're like, what.

Six or seven years old?

Eight.

And I.

You wanna let you take it home, bring it back tomorrow? I was, I might have been 10 because I, I wasn't 11. 11 is when I got my teeth knocked out. And I was on the All-Star team that year.

I was 10 years old.

How did that let you take it home? I just sat there and I had to watch a whole All-Star game. I sat in the toilet by myself in the bathroom at Forest Hills Baseball, and I sat there just, like, mortified. Mortified that I was, I I was like, no one else is wearing Speedos. No one else is wearing this outfit. And I'd walk around with people like, what's up with this? I'm like, hi, what's up? How you doing? And I think that you don't want.

That for your kid. No. But if you want your kid to.

Be a comedian, you need to have.

A couple of those, a couple of those moments. Do you think if comedians in general went to therapy consistently, worked on healing the traumatic events from the past, would.

They be funnier or would they be less funny? Oh, you'd be funnier. It stuck on you. It stuck on you forever. I'm in, I've made my Therapists literally spit coffee out of his nose. And then I write it down. I'm like, I'm talking about that on stage. Right? Like, yeah, it stuck on you forever. The way you see the world is different, especially when you're a comedian. Once you become a comedian, your brain shifts into a different, different parallel universe where everything's a joke.

Everything's a joke.

You're looking for the joke in just about anything. You're at a funeral and you're thinking, what's funny about this? I mean, I was by my grandmother's dying. She was having congestive heart failure and I'd never seen my uncle or my dad cry. And they called me up and they're like, yo, grandma's dying. And I was like, okay. And then I come over to the hospital. And so I get there and both men have their heads in the curtains 'cause they're holding back emotion. And my grandmother's laying there and she goes, Bert, I said, Grandma, how you feeling? She goes, not good. My back hurts. And I said, well, what do you want me to do? She goes, would you rub it? And I went, yeah. And I go to rub her back and I'm looking at my dad and my uncle. and they're looking at me going like, it's so, they don't have what I have that I can hold it together and give her comfort. And they're both looking at me. And then I said, Grandma, I think someone dropped a tissue behind you. So I'm breaking up a tissue behind your back. And she goes, that's my skin. And I watch my dad and my uncle just. He's like, he's running skin on her back. And they start laughing. And then I'm laughing. And we're all three laughing. is off, and she goes, rubbing harder. And my dad's like, he's gonna rub it harder. He's gonna rub it harder. The three of us are crying. Oh, my gosh.

But even in that moment when my.

Grandmother'S dying, I go, I remember saying, well, I'm a better comic. That'll be a bit. Like, I'm not ready for that now, and I'm not ready for it soon. But if one, when I figure it out, wow. When my dad dies or something, you know, like, when, like, it's got to be Got to be later.

Man, how do you, how can you tap into vulnerability though? Or is that a thing that, dude.

I sit in vulnerability. I sit, I live in vulnerability. I put myself out there.

Sure.

So much.

I mean, but I mean emotionally, are you able to sit in vulnerability without it being a joke at the same time?

I lay in vulnerability. I tell everyone everything about myself, every aspect of my life. I say everything on podcasts.

Mm-.

I tell them everything. I tell them my wants, my wishes, what I like, what I literally everything. And I hope that people are responsible with it and gentle. Some people aren't. Some people, you know, take that as like you show a little bit of your neck and they go for it. And some people appreciate it and they're like, yo, thanks for talking about what you're talking about. Thanks for talking about anxiety. Thanks for talking about your drinking. Thanks for talking about you and your wife's sex life. Thanks for talking about your shortcomings as a dad. I really appreciate that. Other people are like, yo, Dad. And he's just some alcoholic who tells the same story. You hear those and they hurt your feelings and you go, I guess it's my fault. I've overshared. I've overshared. I've given them ammunition. Give me ammunition to hurt me. And I have to live by that sword and die by that sword. I just know that when you do connect with someone and maybe you take someone from a place that isn't so great to like a little bit better replaced by being open. And I know there's comics that have done that for me. on podcasts. I know that they have, a Rogan has. I know that's invaluable. And so you just hope that you hope that you're flooding the market with good and you're helping more people than you're helping. I just, yeah, I don't know. This is hilarious, man. I'm so glad you've been open and sharing today.

You've got the Machine Movie, which is out now. I want people to go watch that. The Netflix special is hilarious. Rouse of 1000. Make sure you guys check it out. If you want to see the Sexiest Man on Stage shirtless, check it out. world tour coming up. You know, you got all your podcasts. We'll have everything linked up. How can we, before I get to the final two questions, how can we be a best service to you today?

All right. Just, just, I don't know. I don't know. I hope you like me. And that's the saddest part is, like, they've been talking about vulnerability because I just want people to like me. Yeah. Like, so I hope you like me and I hope you enjoy this conversation or hope you draw something from it and. I hope we made you laugh a couple of times. And then if you like it, this is this is the rub. Yeah, if you liked it and you go, I wouldn't mind seeing more of that guy.

Absolutely.

Come see me live. That's what I do for a living. I do live comedy. That's my thing. I do live comedy. I'm on tour with fully loaded until mid July. I'm on tops off world tour from beginning of September till the end of December. I'll be touring the world again. check out my specials and check out my movie and just see me live that's the thing I do where can I get tickets go to burtburtd.com go to burtburtd.com three parts B-E-R-T because four would be ridiculous yeah go to burtburtd.com.

You can get tickets and all the.

Tour dates are there everything all the tour dates we've got a full stacked schedule for the fall we've got my cruise we've got red rocks coming up and fully loaded I bring I'm bringing 26 comics out on the road with me we're alternating dates and Having a blast. Live comedy is really important. I think people, it's going into a moment, right? It's having a moment right now. It's huge. And I love it. I love it. The first time I saw it live, I was blown away and I was.

Like, this is the most amazing thing in the world. This question I asked everyone at the end, it's a hypothetical scenario.

Imagine it's your last day on Earth many years away. You live with it. So you're just so we're giving you a heads up. Yes. If you do not want to see a grown man cry, turn it off. It's not. I'm telling you, I get really emotionally. I don't know what wrong with me, but I get really emotional, especially when you think about, like, towards your end of life or any of these things, like, so I'm just giving everyone a heads up. Okay? Cut it off right now. Stop watching. Stop watching and go watch some. Some base jumping video. Oh, my God. I've been thinking about the end of life.

Yeah.

Imagine you live as long as you want. Oh, I love that. Live as long as you want.

That's a great question.

I'm not crying now. And you accomplish all your dreams.

Yeah. Well, and by the way, I've already accomplished a lot of dreams I didn't.

Know I'd have, right? But it's the last day hypothetical scenario in the future. And for whatever reason, all the content you've created has to go to another place. It's not in this world anymore. It goes with you or it's erased or something, right? This conversation, all your specials and everything you create from here to then, for whatever reason in this world is gone. So no one has access to your content or information anymore. But you get to leave behind three final lessons. three final truths that you would share with the world before you got to turn the lights off for your own life. What would be those three truths that you would leave behind to us?

The three truths would be life goes by way faster than you think. Slow down. That's number one. There's no place in this world for hate. It doesn't serve you. Find love, find laughter, find happiness, and bathe in that. Get rid of that negative. It does not serve you.

Yeah.

And then the last one, the last one would be, leave a mark. Leave a mark. Leave this world, leave this world in a way that when you're gone, people think about you every now and then. I just drove by Buddy Hackett's house. That's where I blew out my tire. And I was still thinking about Buddy Hackett. Leave a mark. Leave a mark so people think about you. Not famous, but just people miss you and they go, God, I wish you were still around. Leave a mark. Leave a mark. Yeah, those are the three tips. That's beautiful, man.

I want to acknowledge you, Bert, before I ask the final question, for your realness, your authenticity, for you being vulnerable and also just being an incredible storyteller and bringing joy to the world. I think you're leaving a mark in a big way. I think your consistency over the last two decades of showing up and being of service to people in your unique way inspires people, brings them joy when they might be feeling bullied or hate or less than or whatever it might be. So I really acknowledge you for your gifts, your craft, and how you share it with the world.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, of course. My final question is, what's your definition of greatness?

Greatness is a, greatness is a silent trait. Ironic coming from me, it isn't one you have to tell people it's something they just witness. They smell and they know, you know when you see it, you know when you see it. It's effortless, it's pure joy, and it's inspiring. And I think it's something we should all aspire to find our thing that makes us great. You don't need to be a comedian. You don't need to be a movie star. You don't need to be a rock star to acquire greatness. I grew up with a guy named Brad Racker, one of the best pitchers I've ever seen in my entire life, went on to play in the pros. He had greatness. You don't need to be that. You can just be great at being a dad. You can be great at being a PE coach. You can be great at being a baseball coach. You can be great at being a cop. You can be great at being a fireman. And you don't have to brag to anyone. It just shows up and people can sense it and they can see it and they can smell it. And then it inspires other people. And greatness is like true beauty. It's like the purest form of beauty. and it's so soft and it sneaks up on you and then when you're next to it you're just like, God, you just want to stare at greatness. I've been lucky. I've been very lucky to see greatness hit all over the spectrum. I've seen the greatest comic work. I've seen the greatest dad in the world, the greatest mom. I got the greatest wife in the world. I surround myself by greatness, hoping that it elevates me to just pretty good. But, yeah, greatness is sexy, man. So sexy. Seek out that greatness and then surround yourself with greatness. It's so cool.

You think I can Videon can be truly great without being somewhat insecure.

No, no, because you won't get better. You need insecurity.

I'm like grateful for it. Like you need the insecurity. You need to look at somebody and be like, oh, they do this better than me. I need to get better than that. I remember seeing the comics like, this guy is unbelievably on another.