In this conversational interview, host Lewis Howes talks with creator Vivian Tu about the challenges and possibilities for men who date women who earn significantly more. Vivian reflects on her own relationship with a partner who was once a modest supporter but now lives alongside her as a high‑earning entrepreneur. They explore how men can feel emotionally and spiritually prepared to connect with a financially dominant partner, emphasizing the need for self‑worth that isn’t tied to a paycheck. The discussion highlights non‑financial contributions—love, compassion, household management, planning, and emotional support—as vital value men can bring. They examine societal expectations of the breadwinner model, questioning whether women can truly respect men when the income dynamic is reversed. Vivian shares personal anecdotes (her mother’s earnings, creator friends, Margot Robbie’s marriage) to illustrate that respect and partnership can thrive despite income imbalances, and they suggest that men should focus on personal growth, self‑valuation, and financial preparedness to navigate such relationships.
Chapters
What is it going to take for a man to be emotionally, spiritually, you know, prepared to connect with a woman for the first time? That's making a lot more than them. What do they need to do in order to be comfortable? And is that, you know, dynamic something that you've seen work in relationships?
That's such a good question. Because if I'm being honest, I don't know if my fiance and I, if we met now, would be together.
Really?
Yeah.
Holy moly.
I don't know if he's gonna like that I said that. But I think I'm. I'm taking into account a bunch of other things, right? Like how busy my schedule is, how I. And worse, living in a gazillion different places. I'm only in one place every single week. Um, but you have history.
But if you were meeting now, it'd be different.
Well, I think about, like I was talking to him because I was talking to some other creator friends. I was like, I don't know how I would date now. Like, I don't know who would even possibly be cool with the lifestyle I have.
Right?
We have history. Like, you knew me back when I was swinging from the chandeliers in my early 20s.
Like, which probably makes him even more desirable for you because he knew you before you met.
Because he liked me when I was exactly just little old me with my roach infested apartment. He was helping me move out, like, right. He liked me then exactly when, you know, I was at my worst. And now that, you know, I've struck it big, like, he's the first person I want to call when something good happens. And when I go on vacation and we are just, you know, watching a movie on the iPad every night, like, that's my happy ever after. Like, you get to have that moment and you're like, we did this together.
That's cool.
I have seen relationships where the woman makes significantly more work. I think for men, you have to ascribe value in yourself that isn't tied to a dollar sign. So what do you bring to the table aside from just an income? Because for so long, you know, this traditional sense of like breadwinner, know back in our grandparents parents days, it made sense because you could survive off of a single income, right? And you know, your wife would be at home making you dinners. La da da. Now more and more people have to be in dual income homes. And for some men, when they see women who are making a ton of money, like if they can't hold up their end of the bargain they feel lesser than. But if a man can really do, and you have to do a lot of soul searching to do, this is like, I am able to bring to the table love and compassion and care, and I take care of the home. I have an incredible relationship with my children. I am able to support my wife in a way that, you know, if I was working full time, maybe I wouldn't. Or, you know, even if you are working full time, like, I still support my wife. I am the person who does all of the planning, who manages XYZ in the house. Like, you have to find value in other places. Or I think of, like, the little things that I value that my partner does. Like, he knows how crazy busy I am, so he'll be like, I have picked the location of our next vacation. I'm like, all right, tell me where we're going. And he does all the research and he's like, going to take this flight to this thing. We're going to, you know, make this transfer. This is the hotel we're going to stay at. And I'm like, cool. Love it. Done. Like, I don't want to have to think about it twice. But he loves doing that.
That's cool. And he's also contributing financially. It's not that he doesn't have any money.
In any other reality, he would be the breadwinner. Right. He makes a ton of money.
Right.
I own my own company.
Right.
So it's a different ball game.
It's a different ball game. Do you think women can truly respect men if they are making a lot more than them meeting and kind of dating at that point when they're already making more, not kind of building up and making more eventually. But do you think women can truly respect the man they're with if they make a lot more than them?
I'd like to think so. I hesitated for too long, didn't I?
You like to think so, but I don't know. I mean, just from the experience of, like, the research you've done, the industry you're in around money, the financial world, the. The people, you know, do the women truly respect them? You know, can you? Or is it always a little something underneath the surface that's like, okay, he adds value in lots of other ways, but I'm providing financially for this life. Do you feel like the woman can truly respect that man?
I do, because I've seen enough examples of it.
Okay.
I, you know, know quite a few women who make more than their significant other. My mom made more than my dad and.
But that wasn't. That was after a period of time. It wasn't like they met. And she's making a lot more in the beginning, right? When they're, like, in their 20s. You see what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, they grew. They grew up.
And they said, I'm not 100% sure. I know that. Since immigrating to the US my mom had an easier time learning the language than my dad did, so she's always made more money.
Gotcha.
Um, I know, you know, all of my women creator friends all make more than their significant others. I mean, take Margot Robbie, for example. Her husband was, I think, like a producer or part of, like, the crew on one of her shoots. And they met. He ended up just being, like, someone she gelled with so hard, and now they're married.
Right.
And I think it works. I do think, like, you can, like, I think society ties so much of human value and respect to. To the dollar value next to your name, and it doesn't have to be that way.
That's great.
People who are actually rich, like, be rich, they're not concerned about impressing you.
Interesting.
They do not worry about what you think about them.
How can we be prepared for what's to come financially? What can we do today to start being better prepared so that we are not as affected as we could be?
