Two people argue that the chemical rush of attraction makes you fall for the feeling, not the person. They say treat what you observe about a partner as neutral facts, skip the idealization, and watch whether they're actually working on themselves. Trying to change someone breeds resentment on both sides.
Chemistry is extremely overrated. It should be valued because I think it's important, but it's extremely overrated because what chemistry does, and this is why they say love is blind, is because it really gets in the front of your head, creates all these chemicals, and you're not able to see the person as who they really are. You're feeling these chemicals and you think you like the person, but you're actually, what you're liking is the chemical reaction that person is creating in you. You don't know this person. How can you really like them or love them? So that's why I'm a firm believer in the advice that my parents always told me, which is spend time getting to know the other person. And everything that comes your way is just information. You don't try to add to it, make them more amazing that they really are, and also you don't try to delete all the little things and little red flags that you're seeing. Everything is information.
And you don't-- what I've heard you talk about is not choosing to be with someone based on potential.
No, no, no, no.
Why not?
Because then you're basically going to spend a lot of time to try to mold them and make them or encourage them into becoming that potential, But every person is just living their own life. Nobody wants to be changed. You know, saying to a person, you should do this, you should do that. Nobody likes that. I guess it's different if you're seeing.
That someone's taking their own actions and they're becoming something. Yes. That's definitely inspired by that potential. But if you're like, wow, they're so good, but they could be so much more, but they're not taking any actions.
To show it, then that's not the same. And that's why I think the key of what you just said is if you're already seeing they're taking action. The problem is if they're not taking action, but you are the one seeing that they could take the action, you're gonna start saying, hey, do this, do that, do that. And at the end of the day, that creates a dynamic that is like this. You telling this person that they should be different, and that creates a lot of resentment from the other person, and a lot of resentment on yourself, because you're trying really hard to change them.
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